Eleanor

"Good morning my lil princess how are you feeling"

"Morning Dad uh I guess okay"

Reaching over to feel my forehead he seemed satisfied.

"No fever that's a good sign are you sure you want to go to school today babe?"

"Have to dad we can't miss classes there really strict with that there"

"Leni I'm sure they wouldn't mind after all I am the king of England and if I feel my daughter is too sick to go to school there is nothing they can do about that"

"Yea dad they can expel me"

"Leni"

"Dad I'm fine really"

Taking a seat at the counter in the kitchen yawning. I tried to mentally prepare myself for another long day as dad set down a plate of eggs in front of me. "Toast Leni?" My stomach revolted against the smell of food. Staff members were just starting to show up as dad fixed Liam and Robert a plate of food. "Morning Princess Eleanor" "Morning Chef Sue"

I tried eating some eggs but as soon as I lifted the fork my stomach started feeling sick all I could see were the comments from last night why was dad staring at me? Did I look that bad? Of course I did I mean I am ugly I'm probably a disgrace to him. "Morning sweetheart" Mum breezed in even though it was only 4:30 am and most of us looked pretty awful she well she looked radiant in her royal blue gown which went to her knees her makeup was on point her hair looked like she had stepped out of a magazine in a fancy French bun. She breezed in with a whiff of expensive perfume. Gliding over to dad she gave him a kiss "Good morning Simon"

"Helena my love looking radiant as always"

Her laughter filled the room as I played with my eggs waiting on my brothers. "What would you like to eat my love?" "Just tea my dear I have to watch my figure for tomorrow" "Helena you always look lovely you don't need to lose weight" "Thank you dear but a girl can never be too thin"

"Eleanor eggs after you threw up seriously Simon she needs to take it easy"

Mum swiped the plate away from me "Just tea and toast one piece only carbs are not a teenage girls friend" "Helena she barely weighs 70 lbs she's perfectly healthy" "Yea dear I know she's healthy but she must be more than healthy she's thee princess of england and she's a dancer she needs to be thin, muscular"

Mum reached over feeling my forehead her eyes dug into mine. "How are you really feeling?" I shrugged "Babe if your still feeling sick stay home rest you have an important day tomorrow"

"No mum I'll be fine I have to go to school"

"Eleanor while I am glad your taking education seriously tomorrow is a royal celebration and your royal duties must always be number one"

"Mum I know I take it seriously but school is my number one I will probably never see the throne so I need to prepare for life outside of school and the palace"

"Darling I hear what your saying but honestly you look pale eat the toast if you keep it down you can go"

The food was still turning my stomach but I could see she was serious as she sat by me. Rubbing my back I wished I could talk to her maybe she would understand.

"That's what I love so much about you Eleanor just like your dutchie and me you are reliant and you don't give up but seriously eat that toast" Biting into it I swallowed trying to keep it down. "Eleanor hurry up and eat you have a lot of work to go before your presentable to the world" Groaning I swallowed the last bite of my toast "Mum You really think I am like you and dutchie?"

Mum ruffled my hair as she stared at me sending shivers down my spine. "Your my daughter babe of course you take after me and mum now go upstairs and clean up oh for the love of diamonds Liam you look like you just rolled out of bed"

My brothers came strolling in Robert looking impeccable navy slacks white crisp dress shirt and navy blue blazer his hair gelled back his shoes shined, he smelled amazing. While Liam came in his suit ruffled hair a mess. Mum groaned getting up taking Liam by the arm "Back upstairs Liam and get yourself sorted out Eleanor you as well you both need to take lessons from Robert"

"Helena go easy on them their kids" "Simon their fourteen now they are no longer children but young men and woman"

"Mum relax I just want food and than I'll clean up"

"Not an option now Liam it's Five Fifteen you both need to get your butts in gear you should have been up a half hour ago showered and dressed in a clean unwrinkled uniform"

"Is Madeline here?" "Here your Majesty" "Good Liam needs a clean unwrinkled school uniform yesterday" His lady in waiting hurried off to get a uniform as mum dragged him upstairs.

Sighing I followed them Sabrina hurrying close behind me. Loud footsteps echoed coming from the other direction looking up I saw Dutchie coming towards me "Sabrina thank you for your service but I'll take it from here I would like a moment alone with my granddaughter please"

Pushing me into the bathroom she closed the door behind me. "Now we must hurry up and shower dear we have very little time a proper lady is always ready Eleanor. I know we have always treated you like a princess" Getting in the shower I wondered what this was all about. "I am a princess Dutchie, thee princess isn't that what you and mum always drilled into me?" The warmth of the running water felt amazing against my tired sick body.

"That's very true my love but there's a lot more that goes into being thee princess than just tittles and fancy dresses"

"I don't even like dresses Duthcie"

Stepping out of the shower she wrapped a big fluffy towel around me leading me to the mirror. Using another towel to dry my hair she pulled me close.

"Eleanor now that you are 14 there's a lot of things that are about to change for starters the world will be watching you more closely you are no longer a child now sweetheart so you have to always remember that wherever you go someone will be ready and waiting to bring you down, There will be a lot more expected of you You know as Queen your mum is thee head of the church"

"Yes Dutchie"

"Well every Sunday she holds meetings here at the palace" "Do you know what your mum's role is?"

"No not really"

"Well babe as the queen sheis to respect and recognize these various faiths, and to promote tolerance and understanding between people of different religions." "Now that you are older you will be excepted to take on a role for the youth teens little girls everywhere look up to you, your mum wants you to start attending these meetings with her learn how she does these meetings so you can start holding your own with youth" "You will travel around the country and eventually the world" "You will start watching her seeing how she interacts with people what her duties are" "You will also be in charge of creating your own charity finding people who you trust to work for you promoting that charity"

My head was spinning with all this rush of information causing my fingers to stumble as I tried to dress she was flawless as she brushed my hair out never missing a beat. "I know it's a lot to take in but you are a Henstridge, You are strong, you are brave and you will get through this I promise Leni" Kissing my check she smiled as turned me around fully dressed now putting down my collar she wiped off any dust checking me over. Standing there next to my dutchie I should feel powerful I should of felt loved treasured beautiful but instead I felt small, intransigence, fat, ugly, she wasn't tall yet her confidence made her seem 6'0.

I tried hearing her words "You are strong, you are brave and you will get through this I promise Leni" But all I heard in my head was this little voice taunting me "She's lying your Not beautiful you are not strong! You aren't brave don't let her fool you Eleanor you know who you are you're Ugly', 'stupid', 'a waste of space', 'useless', 'pathetic' you're sick! Your a freak a lesbian a disgrace"

"Eleanor baby girl?"

I shock my head clearing it she was staring at me play the role Leni smiling I stood on my tippy toes and kissed her check. "Thanks Dutchie it is a lot but your right I'll be fine now Dutchie if you'll excuse me I must pee before I head to school and as a proper lady I do request some privacy"

Her laughter filled me up patting my bum she shock her head.

"Hurry up babe your mum will kill me if your late"

Honestly it sounded so normal a mum mad because her teenage daughter is running late a grandmum trying to convince her grandbaby that she is normal happy beautiful but as I stood there looking in the mirror. I could see the images of her and my mum standing besides me tall beautiful powerful both amazing in their own ways, I also saw me small ugly and frightened. I am not normal I don't fit in at school, I don't fit in here.

I wish I could be happy sitting down to relive myself, I couldn't shake this cold feeling how she didn't see through me is beyond me maybe. I was a great actress I was great at hiding things no one seemed to guess how much pain I was in how afraid. Liam never guessed he was my twin brother Damian didn't see past my fake smiles, he fell for my pretend kisses he seemed to even like it feel something from it.

Flushing I washed my hands could I keep it up? Would I fool the world? Looking up I saw a girl behind me she looked sad staring at me "You'll never be good enough Eleanor you'll never be like your mum she's the queen she's perfect your just ugly a wannabe keep telling yourself your somebody but your just a liar a fake no one likes a faker"

Blinking I saw she was gone spinning I blinked again now I saw Lavina she wasn't royalty she was a commoner yet she was confident in who she was proud she was beautiful. I saw my mum as a kid working in the fields going to school taking care of her sister. I was never going to be like them. I wasn't tall like my mum. I didn't have my dutchie's confidence, I wasn't rail thin I wasn't beautiful. I had so many things swirling inside my head I felt sick again I couldn't breathe, how was I suppose to measure up?

My head pounded my knees felt weak before I knew it I was on my knees in front of the toilet bowel emptying everything I had eating. Why couldn't I just be like all the other girls? Why did I have to be me? How did I get this way? I wasn't always this ugly this diseased. Where did I go wrong? When did everything get so cloudy?