Today I realized how I'm going to end this story. I'm rather excited about it.

Disclaimer: Zombies ahead.


Spoof Chapter 29

Ben: Nighty night Miz Winn!

Narrator: Ben smiled fondly at the old lady as he tightened the straight jacket around her and then locked the bedroom door, tightening the chains securing it.

Ben: Now that she can't kill us in our sleep, let's go get Alex and go meet the others.

Ned: Should we be letting him out of the torture room? When was the last time he was fed?

Ben: I'm sure he'll behave himself. He just needs some flesh air. Haha, get it? Flesh instead of fresh. You see it's funny because he's a zombie and… (Trips and falls down the torture room steps)


Wilf: Ha, its ten minutes to midnight, and since he's not here ten minutes early he must not be coming. I win!

Ben: Hiya Wilf! How's the hand, still bloody and broken?

Regina: OMG, is that Alex, I thought I killed him.

Author: You did. (Arrives on the scene with the Narrator and Amy in tow) But then I wrote him back to life but then he was killed again via same shotgun and now he's a zombie.

Regina: He has holes in him… and his arm is missing… I think I'm going to be sick.

Ned: (Looks at Alex) Sorry about the arm.

Ben: Wait, Regina is about to become Retchina! You get it? Like retching…

Alex: Brains! (Grabs Regina and starts gnawing her arm)

Ben: Bad Alex! (Yanks at the leash) Drop it! Heel! Amy, tell your brother to stop eating people, its not polite.

Ned: Like you know how to be polite.

Regina: (Runs off clutching her arm)

Author: Um, should we go after her? We don't need another zombie epidemic. Remember Voyage of Slaves? I don't think Italy ever recovered from that.

Narrator: I still get nightmares from that.

Wilf: Uh, right. So, yeah. Back to the reason we're here tonight… I want Ben to go into the creepy dude's house.

Ben: You mean Will's? Because his mother is the shiz.

Wilf: No, I mean Jon's house.

Ben: Oh, you mean that singing dork. Okay then, but you have to come with me.

Wilf: But it's scary.

Alex: I'll go if you let me off my leash.

Amy: Not happening brother.

Ben: Aw, why not? I'm sure he's learned his lesson.

Amy: He just tried to eat someone two minutes ago! Look, he's trying to eat the Author right now!

Author: Get him away from me, I can't take another Italy!

Alex: Sorry, but I haven't been fed.


Narrator: So Ben and Wilf started up the path to Jon's house. Or rather, Ben dragged Wilf up to Jon's house.

Ben: Why on earth would you dare me to go somewhere that you're not willing to go yourself?

Wilf: (Sniffle) Because I didn't read the book and I didn't know this would happen.

Ben: You sir, need some professional help. The good news is that by the end of this night, I'm going to make sure you get that help. (Arrives at Jon's front door and knocks)

Narrator: The door flew open to reveal Jon standing in the doorway wearing a pink bath robe and wearing a face mask and nose pad.

Jon: What is it, I'm missing my soap.

Wilf: (Screams and faints)

Ben: Hi, I was wondering if you would like to buy a subscription to the Redwall Company Newsletter.

Jon: Not interested. (Slams the door)

Ben: (Walks down to the others)

Author: What happen?

Ben: He didn't want to buy one.

Author: Pity.

Amy: Well I have to get back home, I'm missing my soap. Bye Alex, behave!

Ben: I think it's time we head back too, I locked up Miz Winn but I don't think it'll hold her for long.

Ned: Plus if we don't get back soon, Alex might eat someone.

Alex: Regina tasted nasty.

Ben: Tomorrow we hunt for treasure!

Ned: And I get a chance at my next reward!


In case you don't remember, Ned gets a reward when he saves Ben's life.