Chapter Twenty-Nine: Sorrow
Summary: Allen's heart knows only sorrow when Lavi attacks him in the ark.
Genre: Romance
Rating: PG(13?)
Content: Angst trip. Some flashbacks of sexual intercourse. And boys kissing, of course.
Author's Note: Part of the 100 Themes challenge on DeviantArt. 100 chapters about Lavi and Allen as a couple. Don't like it, don't read it.
Legal Disclaimer: I don't own D. Gray-Man or its characters. They all are property of Katsura Hoshino and I make no profit off these stories.
Thank you to all my awesome reviewers: NellaXIval, Nusku, Ashe Seraphim, the27, fotoshop-cutout, ChaoticFenris, darkxwolfxdemon, Blip-chan, OyaSUMi-heart, Tsumi no Curse, Voltairey, Aion Laven Walker, Hasegawa-san, Nush-Mish, InfinityOnTheRun, Azakura, and everyone else for your favorites/alerts.
A/N: Too busy at the moment to proof. Please direct all errors to me if you find any. Thanks!
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"A sad fact has just come to my attention, Allen…"
Allen's body went rigid at Rhode's gleeful tone. Her voice seemed to reverberate in the room; inside his trembling form. It caressed his constricting heart like poison, causing the silver-haired boy to clutch at his sword as the fear crept through his veins. Black, snaring at every part of him with sorrow and despair when he was met with only one eye, like green, smoky glass staring back at him. The shadow of the person he once knew.
"…that Lavi's heart has just died. If you want to save the girl and the human, you'll have to kill that."
Before Allen could protest, before he could do anything at all, Lavi lunged at him. Fast, skilled, he came at Allen, who could do nothing except defend against the redhead's attacks. No matter the situation, Allen knew he couldn't raise his blade to Lavi. He would never cut Lavi down with his claws. There was no way he could hurt the boy with the empty eye and the expressionless face. He could never injure the boy who was the only person to ever whisper "I love you".
"Lavi!" Allen shouted, blocking Lavi's fists with his sword. Lavi hit it without wincing, repetitively and not stopping even when his knuckles started to bleed. The blade shook under the force of Lavi's blows until Allen couldn't keep his grip any longer. One more punch and Allen went flying across the floor. The battlefield.
"Lavi!" Allen tried again, but Lavi's foot planted in the middle of his chest with enough force that the smaller boy felt a rib crack. Blood pooled in the back of his throat, spilling past his lips when Lavi kicked him back to the ground. Allen had always known that the other boy was stronger than him, but he had never expected that force to ever be turned upon himself. He never expected the body that he had so passionately loved to inflict pain upon him.
Avoiding another punch from his lover, Allen gripped his sword. Lavi was still in there despite what Rhode said. Somewhere within that murky green eye, Allen could have sworn he momentarily saw a spark of life. When Lavi was pulling his fist back for another blow, Allen hefted his sword up and thrust it through the redhead's lean torso. The sword's edge would cleanse any evil from his body without killing him and then Lavi would come back. But when Lavi's expression didn't change even when the hilt was practically to his chest, Allen felt his heart grow heavier.
"That sword won't do anything," Rhode chimed in from nearby. Her voice told Allen that she was vengeful and pleased at how the situation was unfolding. "So cut him down, Allen! Use your claws and rip him to shreds!" Without fighting, Allen allowed Lavi to hit him. Not resisting, Lavi continued the abuse to Allen's beaten form as Rhode's voice rang out with unsettling clarity in the crumbling room: "Choose, Allen! Either kill the Bookman or listen to Lenalee's screams!"
I can't…make that choice…Allen thought, coughing up more blood when Lavi threw him against a nearby wall. His head cracked painfully against the stone, but Allen's grip never weakened on his sword. In the midst of battle, it seemed like everything slowed down and Allen's senses heightened to the point where he could feel almost everything. He could hear his own ragged breathing and feel the warmth of the boy in front of him and Allen could only think of earlier when they are beneath the bridge while Lenalee is sleeping and Lavi takes Allen's hand as they walk and says "I was so afraid I would never see you again."
"Lavi…" he said, his arms moving before he can think of the repercussions. "Lavi…" Allen murmured against the front of his lover's jacket that smells like ash and books and the bed at headquarters that they share because Allen has nightmares and wants those protective arms around him at night beneath cotton sheets that are dyed blue in the moonlight where Lavi holds him and whispers "I love you" against his neck. "Can't you hear…my voice…?" Allen asks, a soft, choking whisper of a question. His only arm clung to Lavi, holding him and praying that the stilled fists by the redhead's side would move around him in return. When they did not, Allen clutched at him tighter, not believing it to be real. Sorrow gripped him almost as strongly as the night Allen called Mana back from the dead. What was life without Lavi? A cold bed and no arms to hold him and no one to say "I missed you" when he finally came home?
"Lavi…you have to fight…" Allen said. Proclamations of love would be unwise, so Allen tried—tried in this span of time where it seemed like Lavi was fighting to come back—to reach him by other means. "The others are fighting and…we need to protect them…Lenalee and Chaoji need us…" Allen felt breath leave him when Lavi's fist collided with his stomach. A hand around the collar of his jacket nearly asphyxiated him as Lavi lifted him up in the air, emotionless as ever. The moment was gone as time sped up and the flicker that Allen could have sworn was there before was absent. "Lenalee…" Allen ground out, internally thinking: …I… "…her comrades…" Breaths coming forced now, Allen could only think: …you… "…Lenalee, who valued us more than even the world…" I, who valued you more than anyone in the world… "…is crying…" …am crying...
"I am…" A single dull, green eye looked at Allen. Don't say it… "…not your comrade." Allen's tears forcefully flew from his dirty cheeks as Lavi slammed him into the wall again, nearly knocking him unconscious with the sheer strength behind it. Somewhere past the ringing in his ears, Allen could hear Lenalee screaming for them to stop. He slid down the wall and to the ground in a crumpled heap, bleeding and aching from the abuse.
"It's no use, Allen," said Rhode maliciously. "That kid was never your comrade or your friend. He's a Bookman. Bookmen are just onlookers. For the sake of his records he walked beside you. Those are that kid's true feelings." Allen shook his head weakly. His heart was aching at the words Lavi had said. Everything that they had been through was not a lie. It was real, passionate, tangible when the two of them are together behind the bridge, in the forest where no one can see them touching skin and moving together with hushed moans of pleasure and quiet sighs of relief.
"Not once did I…" Lavi began, pulling out his Innocence. Invoked, it grew to full size and turned amber with glowing fire. Don't say it… Allen thought again, clutching at his chest with the physical pain he felt. He might fall apart if… "…think of you as comrades." Please…no… "'I' am a Bookman." You are more than that… "'I' am nothing else but that." …you're the person I love more than anyone else…
"Lavi…" Allen gripped his sword, shaking. His heart was practically breaking inside of him. Momentarily, Allen was frozen as a flaming serpent sped toward him, mouth open breathing hellfire. But he managed to jump out of the way, battling the manifestation of Lavi's Innocence. His Crowned Clown could do nothing, as it was a sword for cleansing evil, not the pure substance that Lavi's attack was composed of. Fending Lavi off, Allen's arm shook under the redhead's strength. He couldn't fight Lavi like this, but he couldn't fight with his clawed hand without injuring Lavi's body. "I…can't! Lavi!" The redhead backed off, but only enough to raise his hammer. Coldness crept upon Allen amongst the heat as he watched those lips he kisses so tenderly call forth his second release. "Lavi!"
"Heaven…seal," Lavi commanded softly, in the same tone that he uses in the forest to keep Allen quiet as they climax together in the cool evening air. Lighting descended from the nonexistent sky and struck Allen with enough electricity to make him scream. It zapped his strength and he fell through the air, colliding with the ground. Disoriented, Allen could only feel pain and hear the sound of Lenalee screaming. It did nothing to still Lavi's footsteps coming closer to him.
"It's meaningless," Rhode said. "Lavi's heart has died.
"La…vi…" Allen murmured weakly, gripping his sword as Lavi neared. The ground became hot as the redhead prepared another seal around him, but Allen could not give up. Lavi's harsh words were not his own. There had to be something he could do to save that beautiful smile he'd fallen in love with. Gritting his teeth, Allen forced himself up and thrust his sword through Lavi's body again, but putting enough force behind it to send the weapon flying. If Rhode was the cause of this, then if Crowned Clown stopped her, Lavi would return to his previous state. But even though the blade sunk into her chest, she did not seem to be effected by the powers of Allen's Innocence.
"Remember the Rewinding Town, Allen?" Rhode asked as she pulled the weapon from her body. "None of your attacks were effective. That's because people who don't know my real form can't kill me."
"No…" Allen said, every hope he had sinking into despair.
"Why aren't you listening to me, Allen? No matter how much you try, you cannot save his heart."
"No…Lavi…" Above him, Lavi readied for another attack. Maybe Allen could have run, but it was meaningless and he felt so heavy inside when one vacant eye stared at him with indifference. It was seconds before the flaming mouth engulfed him that Allen felt another tear fall down his cheek.
"GIVE UP, ALLEN!" Rhode shrieked as the flames formed shape around him. It was in this fraction of time that Allen looked up at Lavi with the full force of his affection. He allowed himself one moment of weakness by whispering quietly before Death's grasp: "I…love you…Lavi."
And then the flames swallowed him in a spiral of orange and red. But he didn't feel pain. There was nothing to feel inside the fiery serpent. There was no heat. Close to him, Allen could see Rhode's candles that were pointed at Lenalee and Chaoji in their glass prison. Despite the normalcy of the temperature inside, outside was melting the wax. Eliminating the threat. Lavi was…
"Impossible!" Rhode shouted. Allen could see Lavi, his expression something different from the blank mask he wore before. Almost as if he was finally conscious. Allen's heart gave a leap of hope when Lavi's gaze met his for a second. There was so much confliction in his expression, as if he was still fighting over himself and was barely holding on… Knowing the redhead so well, Allen could have sworn that he saw a flicker of guilt furrow his brow slightly, as if I'm sorry. Then eye contact was broken, the hammer flipped around, and the cross spire shoved into the marble floor.
"PILLAR OF FLAMES!" Lavi shouted. "HI BAN!" A column of fire shot up from the ground around him and engulfed him inside. Allen then realized what Lavi was doing and felt his heart beating too fast to be healthy. Lavi was sacrificing himself.
"LAVI!" Allen cried, trying to break free of Lavi's benign attack to get to the redhead before he made such a mistake. "LAVI!" He kept calling. He couldn't see Lavi anymore because the flames completely obstructed his view. "Crowned Clown!" Allen called and the sword flew towards him. He had only a few seconds to get to Lavi and that emotion of desperation fueled his strength, sending him tearing through the flames, calling out Lavi's name. "Dammit, Lavi! I won't let you die!" He fell through the heat and forgot about his sword, the burns that formed on his exposed skin not protected by his Innocence; everything that wasn't the boy before him. There was no air to call out Lavi's name, but Allen fell in front of the redhead and moved his arm around him. The white cloak his Innocence formed draped around them and solidified to protect them from the heat. "Lavi…Lavi…" Allen gasped, his throat dry and raspy. The fire still roared outside and Allen held on to his lover, murmuring his name over and over until he felt like he couldn't breathe anymore. But finally, the snarling of the flames beyond their protective space stilled and Lavi moved from his frozen position, resting his forehead against Allen's shoulder. Heart pounding, Allen clutched at Lavi's coat in the dark, hoping beyond all hoping that it would be his lover who responded. "La…vi…?"
"Allen…" Lavi said, his voice sounding strained in the dark. At first, Allen feared that it might not be him; that everything had been for nothing at all. But when two arms wrapped around him and held him so lovingly, Allen nearly cried with happiness. Everything was going to be okay. Lavi's fingers tangled in his hair, his other arm pulling the smaller boy close. Allen could feel Lavi's lips against his temple in the blackness that surrounded them, his voice coming out slightly weak and broken: "Allen…oh, Allen…what did I—he—do? Are you okay? I couldn't sto—"
"Shut up, Lavi…" Allen cut him off, finding his lips and kissing them fully. The kiss tasted bitter, like ash, but it was so sweet; filled with everything that Allen was so afraid of losing.
"Thank you…for saving me, Allen…" Lavi said, pressing an appreciative kiss against Allen's forehead. "I love you."
"I love you, Lavi," Allen replied.
Forever.
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D'awww. They're so cute.
Although, I do have to say that I put an awful amount of research into this chapter. Whew! And who would have thought that reliving those three chapters in DGM would be so nerve-racking! Anyway, I was going to make it longer, but I have two papers to write and a novel for English. Hope this update pleases~!
Chapter 30
Under the rain – Allen and Lavi share a kiss in the rain…and then a cold. Fluff alert.
Love and peace!
Dhampir72
