DAYS UNTIL WILLOW'S BIRTHDAY: 4

I was laying on my bed, staring up at the ceiling, thinking about the night of the Sadie Hopkins dance. Or, what happened after the dance.

I had thought for sure that he was going to kiss me when we were laying on the side of the road. I had always sort of had a little crush on Teddy. Ever since we were four years old.

Teddy was the crazy one who dodged trains. Teddy was the one who had an insane war-veteran father who went "fucking section-eight." Teddy was the one who had the big Coke-bottle glasses and burnt, wax-like ears. Teddy was my best friend.

And I was in love with him.

"WILLOW!" my mother screamed from downstairs. "I'M GOING OUT!"

I remembered my mother, whose husband left her for an 18-year-old almost right after Paige was born. Who had took off her clothes and had sex with random men for money. Who hadn't had a steady relationship for thirteen years. Because she still loved her husband. Because she still had a broken heart.

I blinked back tears. I didn't wanna become my mother. I refused to. I didn't believe in love! And for a good reason, too.

Just look at Chris and Maddie. Maddie was an emotional wreck now. And Gordie and Paige. I shouldn't have been cool with it. It wouldn't last. Because love never does! Gordie and Paige would just end up like Chris and Maddie: broken-hearted and alone.

"But not me," I whispered out loud to no one in particular. "Not me."

I refused to fall in love. But I already had.