Remembrance


The meeting had gone…as well as could be expected. It had lasted well into the evening, and by the time it was over, her eyes were burning and her back was aching. Luke walked her back to her quarters, gave her a reassuring hug, and told her to get some sleep. Actually, he had said "Get some shut-eye," and she shook her head and wondered when they had turned into old people. Still, she intended to do exactly that. But when she crawled into the bed, sleep wouldn't come. She was too on-edge, her nerves jangled, her hands shaking from too much caf and too much raw, conflicting emotion.

So now, Leia was sitting on the floor in her quarters, her back against the sofa, her knees hugged against her chest. In her hand was a slim fluted glass containing a rich emerald colored liquid: Aderaani wine. Not the teal Toniray, but the Organa royal vintage, rich and brilliant green. Han had found three bottles – she didn't know where or how and had been a little afraid to ask – and had given them to her for their tenth wedding anniversary. She had rationed it, only having a tiny glass on very special occasions, and she still had a bottle and a half left. This seemed like a fitting time for a small indulgence.

The room was dim – a single light embedded in the wall gave off a faint, warm glow. On the low table in front of her was a small holo projecter. Flickering above it was a tiny version of herself. In the holo, she was saying something, gesturing at her nightgown…"Han, please, I'm not presentable!" But he came closer, and she shifted the small bundle in her arms so the tiny face was turned toward the camera. So much hair – a riot of black curls. And those eyes, so intense, staring into the camera, staring out at her from the holo, from the past.

She was not one to wallow. She normally only allowed herself to do this once a year, on his birthday. He had been born in winter, where they lived then, but here, on D'Qar, the seasons were reversed, and the day of his birth fell in high summer, when the leaves were at their greenest and the sun blazed through the asteroid field, the dust and moisture creating an impenetrable haze in the air. It was barely spring here now, but…

She clicked a button and the scene shifted. A toddler, running on sturdy legs, toward a table piled with gifts and cake and punch. Younger-her handing him a piece of cake that he stuffed in his little pouty mouth, bright blue icing smearing across his face. Then Han, oh, Han, handing the child a present. He ripped off the wrapping and squealed with glee at the small replica of the Falcon, giggling and zooming it through the air in a chubby hand, then, inspiration lighting his face, releasing it, laughing harder as he made it fly free, higher and faster.

A tear rolled down her cheek.

Another click. He was riding a miniature speeder bike, Han running alongside, the bike wobbling a little but then picking up speed, zooming along…huge goofy grins on both faces as they realized he was doing it all by himself.

Oh, that feeling of optimism and happiness and potential. She had been so happy then. So hopeful. So innocent. So stupid.

The next holo showed an older child, dressed in fine clothes, face serious, standing beside her at some ceremony that had seemed important then. She thought she could see something in his face, even on the tiny flickering holo, even across all these years - fear and guilt lurking beneath the quiet expression. The darkness creeping in.

The next one showed him in Jedi robes, Luke beside him, all smiles, as the boy levitated rocks effortlessly into a pyramid. It had been the first holo after they sent him to train with Luke. He was doing well, learning easily, Luke's message had said. Oh, how she had wanted to believe it meant everything would be fine. That Luke's influence would over-ride whatever it was that sometimes sent him into fits of rage that unintentionally sent things flying across the room, made lightbulbs explode, shattered glass.

Silent tears flowed down her cheeks. It was her fault. She should never have sent him away. He had needed her, and Han. His mommy and his daddy. She should have never hidden the truth from Han. But when things started…manifesting…powers that he shouldn't have known about, anger that flared from him at the slightest provocation – or none at all – Han had left it to her, huffing out in frustration when the emotional storms hit. So she had turned to Luke. She thought she was doing the right thing at the time, but she couldn't see the consequences, couldn't see the path her actions were leading them down, and then it was too late.

She reached out, into the Force. Untrained as she was, she could feel it, connect with it. Luke had taught her a little, but mostly she just let her mind go blank, reached out and followed it - a beckoning point of light that got bigger and bigger, bloomed into colors more vibrant than any she had seen in real life and swallowed her. Once she was there, she simply thought. And her thought, tonight, was 'Please. Please let this work. Please bring them home. Please make things right. Please.'

Tears rolled out of her swollen eyes and down her cheeks and dripped onto her nightgown, but she didn't feel them. She just repeated the word over and over, rocking back and forth. Please, please, please. She wanted to hope, to have faith that the Force would take pity on her. But that wasn't the way it usually dealt with her family.

She blinked, swiped the tears away, and finished her wine, which tasted light and fresh and floral, like the air after a spring rain. She clicked off the holo and curled into a ball on the sofa, pulled a thick tufted blanket over herself and drifted into a deep and mercifully dreamless sleep.


Rey woke with a jolt, immediately feeling like something was wrong. It took a few seconds for her to figure out what it was. She was alone in the bed. His bed. Their bed? It had only been a week, but she had gotten so used to waking up next to him, to feeling his warmth, his strong arms around her, his soft breath against her hair. She had slept alone her entire life, and never considered it a deprivation. But now, even though she knew he had only gone to Hux's meeting, she felt bereft. She pulled his pillow to her chest and curled around it, inhaling his scent and dozing until he came back.

She sat up when she heard him come through the door, heard him take off that stupid helmet. When he walked into the bedroom, he stopped, drew in a breath. "Rey." He smiled. "I never thought I'd see anything so perfect."

"What?"

"You, in my bed, wearing nothing but a sheet."

She smiled, but then bit her lip and looked down.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing."

He tilted his head. "No. What is it?"

"I…I just sort of like thinking of it as our bed."

A pink flush crept across his cheeks. "Our bed." He smiled, sat on the bed beside her and gathered her in his arms. "I like that. I like that very much." He raised his hand, ran his fingers across her cheek. "In fact, I never want to have another bed that isn't our bed."

She smiled, blushing too. "Me neither." She leaned in and kissed him, softly, her hand reaching up to run through his hair.

He sighed. "I'd like to spend the day in our bed, but...there's a complication."

"What?"

"We arrive at Geonosis in two days. We have a treaty with one of the local rulers; the former New Republic governor, in fact, who turned to us for protection from local warlords after…well, after, because there's…a bit of a power vacuum now. He's requested our assistance in a border dispute between his own forces and a local militia. It's just a territorial skirmish that's gotten out of hand. The planet is, frankly, a mess, but we must honor our treaty."

"The former New Republic governor? But why would he…"

"Turn to the First Order for help? Who else is going to protect him?"

"The Resistance…"

"…has fewer than fifty fighters, and half of those are relics from the Rebellion. And no real heavy ground vehicles or artillery. They simply cannot play the role of galactic law enforcement. They're too small."

"So this was the First Order's plan? Take out the New Republic so worlds would have to turn to them for help?"

"Not exactly. This chaos…has been an unintended consequence. That isn't really the point, though."

She nodded. He would have to go on a mission.

"Not just me."

She scrunched her brow.

"The Supreme Leader has ordered me to take my apprentice. To test her in battle."

Her eyes widened. "Oh."

"I…it's not like I can say no. But we could think of something…fake an injury or…"

"No. That would be too suspicious." She took in a breath, biting her lower lip. "You said it was a local border dispute. So the Resistance won't be involved at all?"

"Correct. At least as far as our spies know, the challenging faction has no connection to the Resistance."

"Are you going to kill everyone?"

He winced, and she felt a twinge of guilt at having been so direct. But it was one of the First Order's more common solutions to problems. She had to ask.

He answered carefully. "No. At least, that is not the plan. The hope is that a show of strength will be all that is needed to quell this conflict. The governor does not want these people killed, as he needs them to work in the factories. He simply wants them to obey."

She nodded. "And if I go, is my Master going to ask me to do anything I wouldn't feel comfortable doing?"

"No. No, I said I never would."

"So. I'll go. I know how to fight; I've been in plenty of battles. I'll go. And I'll prove myself a good and willing apprentice."

"But…"

"I decide what's justified for me. Remember?"

"Yes, but…"

"I think going, in this situation, is justified."

"But people will see you fighting for the First Order."

She frowned. That could cause problems. The she climbed out of the bed and opened his closet, pulling out one of his robes and slipping it on, pulling the hood low over her face. "They don't have to," she said from inside the hood. "It could be one of the others. The Knights of Ren? Right?"

He considered. "I suppose. They don't usually participate in this sort of thing but…yes. It is plausible."

She pushed the hood back and gave a quivery smile. "Okay then. I can do this."

Reluctance was clear on his face, but then he nodded. "Alright. We need to train, practice some things specific to battle. I know, I know, you've fought. But there are a few things…how to stop a blaster bolt. Battle meditation. Force confusion. Force choke…if you want…it doesn't have to be lethal."

"I don't actually have a problem with lethal. If the circumstances warrant it."

He leaned close to her and drew in a breath. "You are perfection."

"Shut up." She started to slip the robe off to get dressed.

"Wear that," he said, voice low. "Just that."

Her face flushed with a heat that spread throughout her body. "It's too long!"

"Let me see it." He held out a hand.

She shrugged out of the robe, handed it to him. He ignited his lightsaber, sliced off a chunk at the bottom and from each sleeve and handed it back. "Not anymore."

"Umm. Okay. Yeah." She pulled the singed robe, now the right length for her, back on. Already anticipating the feeling of his hands slipping under it, gliding along her naked body, when they got to the training room. Or the lift.


They were in a conference room. They would arrive on Geonosis within the hour, so this was the final strategy session. Hux was pacing, waiting for Phasma to arrive. Rey fidgeted, adjusted the rough fabric of the robe – she had a soft black shirt and trousers under it this time, and sturdy boots. Kylo Ren sat, silent and brooding, hands gripping the arms of the chair, helmet on the table. He still had serious misgivings about taking Rey on this mission. While, intellectually, he knew she could handle herself, he also had an overwhelming instinct to protect her, and it took all of his control to fight it back. And while the mission was officially a 'peacekeeping action', there were many ways for things to go wrong, and if they did, the First Order's methods were not gentle.

Hux walked from the table to the viewport, stopped, clicked his heels together, turned and walked back to the room's sliding doors, did the same thing and walked back to the viewport. The hard soles of his high, polished boots clanged against the durasteel flooring.

It was very irritating.

Rey cleared her throat and addressed the general. "So you're from Arkanis?"

Hux stopped mid-pace, blinked and looked toward her. "Yes." He started pacing again.

"What's it like there?"

He stopped again, an uncertain look flickering across his face. "Cool. Clean. Verdant. It rains a great deal."

"Oh, that sounds nice. I love rain. And green things. There weren't any, really, on Jakku."

Hux nodded, perplexed expression still on his face.

What are you doing?

Small talk. Chit chat.

Chit chat. With Hux?

Why not?

Because he's Hux. His role in life is to irritate me.

She rolled her eyes. Well, I'm going to treat him like a person.

Hux had resumed his pacing. Silence stretched again.

"So, uh, you have a wife? On Arkanis?"

He once again halted his pacing. "That is correct. Does Ren tell you everything?"

"Pretty much."

He pressed his lips together.

"Where does she live?"

"In her family's ancestral villa. Near a river."

"A river." Rey smiled. "That sounds pretty."

"It is pleasant."

"Do you miss her?"

He actually looked at her face for the first time, and his eyes softened a bit. "Yes."

Rey smiled. "I bet she misses you too." Kylo drew in a breath as her hand found its way to his thigh under the table. "I would," she whispered.

He turned his face toward hers. You'll never have to know what that's like. I would tear the galaxy apart before being separated from you.

She leaned closer, eyes blazing, and pressed her face close to his shoulder. I know.

Hux made a face like he had just swallowed a bug and started pacing again.

After a few minutes, Rey tried again. "Do you have, um, kids?"

Hux turned to her, his first reaction annoyance, but then his face broke into glowing smile at the mention of children. "I do, actually. Three boys."

"Three! How old?"

"Six, four and two."

"Oh, little ones! How sweet! Are they…are they all ginger?"

Hux smiled…actually smiled, in a genuine way, his face transformed. "As a matter of fact they are. Would you like to see?"

"Yes."

He sat in the chair beside her and whipped a small disc – a miniature holo-projector – from his coat pocket. A few seconds later, he was preening and simpering and Rey was cooing and squealing as he clicked through a series of holos showing a lovely, aristocratic-looking woman with porcelain skin and gleaming blue-black hair, and three miniature Huxes, with pink cheeks and bright blue eyes and blazing ginger hair.

"This is my wife, Cressa. She's part of the Sindian family. Very old, very aristocratic line. This is my oldest, Maximillian. The middle one is Wilhuff. He's a handful. And the youngest, Mellowyn – Cressa named him. Loves to color."

Kylo Ren sat, staring, in shock.

Hux's face glowed, simply glowed with pride as he told Rey about his three little boys, and Rey's eyes sparkled with a look that was almost hungry. Kylo felt something from her, something he never had before, but he instantly shared it, felt it too. A desire to plant something inside her, to see her stomach swell as his child grew within her, the product of their love, the proof of their union. Proof that she was irrevocably his.

He reached down, covering the hand she still had on his thigh with his own large one, and squeezed as he let her feelings wash through him – an almost painful yearning for family. For babies. His babies. He barely held back a strangled whimper. Rey wanted to have his children. It was a feeling beyond any he had ever known.


A/N

EDITED to change the name of Hux's oldest son. After seeing some spoilers for 'Life Debt', I don't think he would have named his kid after his father. I don't want to name him after him. So no little Brendol. Now he's Maximillian, after General Veers.

Yes, make more Skywalkers. That can't possibly go wrong, can it? :) But, yeah, I want them to have babies. And be wonderful parents. And live happily ever after.

Arkanis is described as a very rainy planet, so I pictured it as Planet Oregon…very green and lush and full of tall trees.

I had planned for Hux's wife to be blonde, but I wanted her to (physically) resemble Lady Carise from "Bloodline" a bit, and be a distant relative, and she has black hair, so I went with that.

Thank you to JuliaAurelia for the conversations/ideas about Leia sitting in the dark looking at old holos and Hux being all proud-daddy showing holos of his kids. And then I was going through old baby pictures of my kids and…this happened. I'm not totally satisfied with the middle of this chapter, but it's as good as I can get it at this point. And, darn it, now I've got to write a battle. Why did I do that to myself? But there have to be some battle scenes! And I really want to see Kylo and Rey fighting together, back to back, just oozing with power.

Thank you, wonderful readers! I love you all! Reviews are like a lovely glass of wine after a long hard day.