Hello everyone.

Thanks for returning.

Thanks to my wonderful women- Sandy, Lalina and Grendel - my writing is so much better because of you!

My Edward is hereby nicknamed "Specward" - Cristina, one of my readers, loved the way he needed his glasses in one of the previous chapters in order to read Bella's email...she...and in fact, my betas and I, all love the idea of an older, wiser, gray-flecked haired Edward reading from his bed at night wearing glasses...so we have given him his own pseudonym... hope you like!

More ANs at the bottom...

Ch 29 Step by Step

Edward had smiled with relief when he'd read Bella's last email. He'd been glad that she had acquiesced to his plea and accepted his offer to pay for their Christmas accommodations. He'd gone to bed that night grateful for this small, yet seemingly significant, progression in their relationship.

Due to the lateness of the hour, he hadn't responded immediately upon receiving her reply. In fact, it had almost been a full 24 hours before he'd had the opportunity.


To: Isabella Swan

From: Edward Cullen

Subject: thank you

Hi Bella.

Sorry for the delay in replying to your gracious email. I had an early morning meeting in L.A. which carried on into a business lunch. One thing led to another, and I arrived home much later than I had originally anticipated. I try to avoid meetings with people in L.A. as much as possible, but this one was unavoidable because I had dodged it for so long already. Ha ha.

Anyway, I am grateful that you have accepted my offer for Christmas and can't believe that it is only a little over ten days or so when we will be able to meet and chat face to face again.

How's Dan doing?

I spoke with him briefly today while I was driving back from L.A., and he didn't quite sound like his usual, cheerful self. Is everything going alright for him? I did ask, but he was at work, so we only spoke for a minute or two.

You asked in your email how I managed to "morph" into a "serious composer"...is that opposed to a comical one? LOL

I suppose your memories of me from twenty-odd years ago wouldn't exactly marry with the image of me now – would they?

So, where to begin...

I came home from THAT holiday determined to make some changes. I enjoyed playing with the band, but the band lifestyle had fast become something I no longer desired. I was fairly disgusted with my own behavior. I'd become too easily influenced by all the hedonistic opportunities that came my way and realized that it wasn't what I wanted my life to be like. I have you to thank for that wake up call, but you know that already.

I came home and quit the band within a few weeks. I also changed some of my electives for the last year of my degree and focused primarily on musical composition. The one thing I realized I enjoyed more than performing was composition. While I played primarily piano and guitar, I had dabbled with a number of different instruments over time and really enjoyed the thought of writing music on a grander scale. That's how it all started.

And boy, did I start small. Trying to get a foot in the door was difficult in L.A. with people putting pieces of paper and manuscripts under agents and producers noses left, right and center.

I ended up getting a contract job writing jingles for television and radio commercials, and things, as they say, went from there. It took quite a few years though for me to gain a reputation for being a person who could bring to life somebody else's musical vision.

I was still a "struggling" musician and composer leading up to and for the first few years of my marriage to Tanya. We were fortunate at that time that she was working as well. I had inherited some of my birth parents' estate when I'd turned 21, but my adoptive parents, Esmé and Carlisle, insisted at the time that I reinvest a fair percentage of it to mature at a later date. They considered me too young (dare I say, immature?) at that age to successfully manage such a large inheritance. They were right to think so, considering the way I'd squandered some of what I'd inherited on the crazy lifestyle and the bar bills on THAT holiday. Anyway, with most of my inheritance locked away securely, my meager earnings back then, combined with Tanya's income from her job, was enough to keep us afloat until my career really started to take off.

Eventually, I didn't have to scout for opportunities. As my reputation, contacts and experience grew, work slowly began to come to me and the projects became more significant. My 'jingle days', as I call them, eventually became a thing of the past as I began to write musical scores for smaller theater productions and television shows. Finally, even larger jobs came my way. That was how I ended up writing for cinema, musical productions and plays.

It sounds all very simple when I replay my journey like this, but it was anything but. Actors aren't the only ones who struggle in this madcap world. It was quite a stressful journey at times, and the ride wasn't always smooth. Looking back on it now, I can see that it placed quite a bit of stress on my marriage. Music wasn't the reason my marriage failed, but it definitely provided me with an opportunity that allowed me to stick my head in the sand and not notice the extent to which some other things were impacting us at the time. But THAT particular story is not for this email.

Wow.

Look at how long I have rambled on. LOL.

I wonder if I've even managed to answer your question successfully.

Anyway. There you have it.

Now, does this mean it's my turn to ask you a question?

Since you've asked about my work, I'll ask you about yours.

How did you manage to finish school and become a teacher while raising a little one?

Oh, and what kind of dancing do you do? I'm curious. Somehow, I don't see you dancing around the room in leg warmers, lyrca hotpants and leotard a la Flashdance. LOL x2

Looking forward to receiving your next email.

Edward.


Edward sent his email off and then looked at the clock: 10:45 p.m. Where did the time go? His typing wasn't all that fast, but it wasn't too shabby either. Writing that email to Bella had taken him much longer than he'd expected, and he realized that it would now be well after midnight back in N.H.

With little chance of a reply tonight, suspecting that Bella would already be fast asleep, Edward shut down his laptop and prepared to go to bed himself. Tomorrow was another day and another meeting with his agent. He wondered why he even bothered to keep an agent after all this time, but then he remembered the contacts his agent had that would be of help to him once he and Carlisle established the Foundation they hoped to in the New Year. He went to bed feeling tired but content. His last thoughts were of the email he had just sent to Bella as he drifted off to sleep.

Bella woke the next morning and busied herself with her usual morning routine. She met Dan in the kitchen just briefly before he headed off to work.

"Will you be working late tonight, love" she asked as he bent to give her a kiss goodbye.

"Not if I can help it. The drive home is taking longer and longer at the moment, and some people drive like idiots, despite the conditions."

"I was going to put a pot roast in the slow cooker this morning before I go to school so there'll be plenty of dinner ready for when you get home, no matter what the time."

"Sounds great. Thanks."

"Bye, love," Bella said as he left the kitchen and headed towards the back door.

"Bye, Mom," Dan called over his shoulder as he shrugged into his coat.

Bella was pouring herself a cup of coffee when moments later, she heard Dan curse under his breath. She turned just in time to see him rush down the hallway past the kitchen door.

"What did you forget?" she called after him.

"My cell," Dan called back.

"I've left mine in my bedroom," Bella yelled. "Could you grab it for me off the charger?"

"Right-o."

Moments later Dan reappeared in the kitchen doorway.

"Heads up," he said before gently tossing Bella her phone.

"Oh! Dan!" Bella exclaimed as she quickly reached out with both hands to catch the phone.

"Good catch," Dan said, winking at her before he disappeared down the hall for what was hopefully the last time. "Looks like years of my little league training paid off for you."

"Cheeky!" Bella yelled out, louder this time, trying to catch him before he exited the back door. She had no idea if he heard her.

Bella put her cell phone down on the counter and moved about the kitchen collecting the items she would need to put the pot roast on to cook. Fifteen minutes later, the vegetables cut, the meat in the cooker, the water and stock added, Bella began to clean and tidy up. After ensuring that everything was finished, Bella thought she had just enough time to pour herself some coffee to-go in her travel mug before readying herself to leave. She grabbed her cell off the bench and dropped it into her handbag while absentmindedly glancing at her watch as she gathered the last of her things.

Bella stopped dead in her tracks.

"It can't be," she said aloud.

She looked between her watch and the wall clock and back again. One said 7:45 a.m.; the other said 8:10 a.m.

What the...? she thought to herself.

Reaching for her cell phone in her bag, she turned it on to verify the time.

"Oh my God," Bella said.

Once again, she looked at the clock hanging above the doorway in her kitchen. It was the same clock that she had bought many years ago when Dan had been learning to tell time.

The batteries must have stopped.

Bella quickly grabbed her things. She'd only just make it to school before the first bell, and only if there were no traffic problems on the way.

Bella hadn't registered the new email alert that displayed on her cell before she'd tossed it haphazardly into her bag in the rush to get out the door. Even before she'd managed to leave home, it was turning into one of those days. Her cell phone didn't get another look until much later that night.


With dinner over and the kitchen cleaned, Bella settled in to do some grading at her kitchen table. Marking was the bane of any teacher's life – no matter what the grade level.

Dan was watching some television in the living room, but Bella could hear his mumbled voice and assumed he was talking to Cassie.

Bella got up from the table and poured herself a glass of wine; it was one way to make grading less painful. Ss she settled back down with her glass, she remembered a time when that hadn't been the case. She'd been working with a fellow teacher late one evening, writing the now outdated paper, handwritten, carbon-copied style reports from a few years ago when she'd inadvertently spilled a glass of wine over sixteen out of twenty-five completed reports. That single event had been anything but painless. It had taken her hours to rewrite the reports. She still bristled with frustration when she remembered the school had finally introduced computer=based reporting six months later, thereby significantly cutting down the time involved, especially the rewrites.

An hour or so later, Bella was just finishing her grading when Dan strolled into the kitchen.

"You finishing up?" he ask her.

"Just about," she answered with a smile.

"What was it tonight?"

"Math tests."

"How many?"

"Seventy-three. I'm marking them for the whole grade this time."

"How come?"

"Consistency. Plus, it gives me a general picture of how the other teachers are working with their kids. Chrissie and Suzanne are both relatively new at this. As their supervisor, it gives me a chance to see if and where there might be gaps in what they're teaching."

"That's a lot of marking."

"But at least with math, at this level, they are either right or wrong answers, although you still have to look through the wrong answers to work out why they got it wrong."

"You can do that?"

"Mostly. It's called diagnostic evaluation. If the test is written in the right way, you can use it as a diagnostic tool as well as an evaluative one."

"You've lost me now."

"You might need to go back to year three then."

"Very funny."

"How's Cassie?" Bella asked, changing the topic as she packed away the test papers.

"Speaking of testing, she's got some exams of her own she's studying for."

"Before Christmas?"

"She's got a couple next week, apparently. She says it takes the shine off preparing for her trip here."

"I'll say. What's she got?"

"Psych and some kind of philosophy one."

"Heavy stuff just before Christmas."

"Mmmm."

"Have you spoken to Edward recently?" Bella hedged.

"This afternoon, again, actually. I spoke to him briefly yesterday, too, but things were crazy at work.."

"How is he?"

"Fine, although I would have thought you'd known that. He told me he emailed you again yesterday."

"He did?" queried Bella. "I got one from him the other day about Christmas, and I answered it, but he's sent me another one since?" she asked as she retrieved her bag from the back of the chair and began to rummage through it looking for her phone. "I haven't checked my mail at all today," she continued.

"So how's the email thing been going? You two chatting alright? Getting along?"

"We're not children, Dan," Bella admonished. "We can manage to carry on a civil conversation, even if it's by email."

"Alright. I was just curious. No need to get huffy."

"I'm not huffy," Bella corrected him. "I just think that you need to give Edward and me some credit. It's not like I'm going to be able to bite his head off in an email."

Bella held her mobile up in front of her and entered her password.

"Well, look at that!" she exclaimed. "There is an email from him."

"Told you so. I'm making coffee, Mom. Do you want some?"

"No thanks, love," Bella replied as she opened the email, "and you shouldn't be having one this time of night either. It will keep you awake."

"That's the plan. Cassie was just going off for dinner. I'll call her back shortly."

"Your phone bill is going to equal the cost of an airline ticket soon."

"I've changed my plan. I've got Cassie's number listed as a special deal on part of my new phone plan, and calls to her are locked in at a set cost, no matter how long I talk to her. The longer the better actually. It should help to keep the bill under control."

"Oh, I hadn't realized you could do that," Bella answered as she continued to read through Edward's email.

"Depends on the plan."

A moment's silence descended upon them as Bella continued to read and Dan finished making his late night coffee.

"Dan?" Bella asked.

"Yeah?"

"What does LOL mean when it's written in an email?"

"It can mean a couple of different things, depending on the context," he answered. "Show me..." he said leaning in to look over her shoulder.

Bella showed Dan one of the times Edward had used it in his email.

"In that case, it means llaughing out loud but sometimes it can mean something else," he said with a knowing smile.

"Like what?"

"When I use it with Cassie, it means lots of love."

"Oh. Right. Of course. That makes sense," Bella said haltingly. "Not in this case, though."

"No, not in that case," Dan said, pointing to her phone.

"So LOL x 2 would mean?" Bella asked, pointing to the second occurrence in the email.

"That he was laughing harder."

Dan looked briefly at the small screen.

"Lyrca hot pants, huh? I can see why he'd be laughing."

"That's enough outta you. Go to bed, mister."

"Sure thing," Dan replied with a wink. "That's an image I really didn't need in my head."

"Goodnight, Dan."

"'Night, Mom," he replied, leaning in to give her a kiss on the top of the head.

"I'll be late tomorrow night; drinks after work."

"Right. Stay safe."

"Will do."

With that, Dan took his coffee and went upstairs, leaving Bella alone in the kitchen. She read Edward's email for a second time before closing it and gathering her things together for the morning. She turned off the lights and walked out into the front hall where she had dropped the rest of her school bags that afternoon. She picked up her laptop bag and slung it over her shoulder before climbing the stairs to her own bedroom. She showered and changed, all the while composing an email to Edward in her head. She always found it easy to think in the shower – she had no idea why.

After she had climbed into bed, she settled in to write her reply to Edward before sending it and closing down her laptop.

It was late for her – not so much for him – but Bella would look for his reply in the morning, if there was one. This time difference really did work to a disadvantage at times. She was beginning to appreciate just how frustrating Dan and Cassie found it. Bella turned off her bedside lamp and snuggled down into bed. She wondered if Edward was up and waiting on her reply.

At least he'd have it now, she thought to herself. I wonder what he'll think of it.

She closed her eyes and drifted off to sleep.


Edward finished his dinner and was standing at the sink washing dishes when he heard his phone chime from his study down the hall. It was amazing how far the sound of that chime traveled in a quiet place.

He rinsed his hands and dried them on a towel before walking to the study to pick up his phone.

He saw the alert and decided to open up his computer to read Bella's email on the larger screen. He crossed to the desk, turned on the laptop and waited somewhat impatiently for it to load. Once he entered his password and opened his email account, he began to read her latest correspondence.


TO: Edward Cullen

From: Isabella Swan

Subject: Re: Thank you

Dear Edward,

I hope I didn't offend you by calling you a "serious" composer. I just didn't know how else to refer to your occupation. I assume that you used to write some of your own music when you were with the band, and I suppose, come to think of it, that you would have been serious about that too(?). But I didn't know how to distinguish between the kind of music you write now and the kind of music you wrote back then. Am I making sense here? I'm not too sure.

Anyway, thank you for sharing that with me. I will admit, while my days are kind of frantic at the moment with everything that's going on at work, I do look forward to getting an email from you. I am also kind of enjoying the conversation we have going on here. Is that weird? Modern pen pals in a way, I suppose, aren't we?

To answer your question about Dan, he is OK. He misses Cassie dreadfully. Sometime, I hear them late at night on the phone. I know that they're both struggling with the distance thing, and I also know that Dan is considering moving out to California at some point after Cassie graduates. He told me as much the other day, but I think we'll cross that bridge when we come to it.

He's also working really hard and trying to prove himself to his bosses. He has a good work ethic, and I have his Pop to thank for that. He really spent so much time with Dan as he was growing up, and my father was an old-fashioned kind of man – work hard, be honest. give it your best. That's what he taught Dan from an early age, and it's stuck with him. It was hard on Dan when his Pop died. It was hard on all of us. It broke my mother. She died six months after him of a broken heart, I think. Has Dan told you anything much about them?

Dan was 15 at the time, and he really tried hard to step up to the plate and take over Dad's role in the family. I could see him grow up overnight. One day, he seemed like a typical teenager, and the next minute he was shouldering the responsibility of being the "man" about the house. I have to admit, trying to balance work, parenting and the depression my mother slipped into after Dad's death was exhausting and challenging. I did rely on Dan to help me out quite a bit. Not just with household things but also with trying to sort through my Dad's things and his estate as it was. He left everything to my Mom who was in no state to deal with things. So, Dan and I had to work out what to do with most of his fishing things, tools and the like.

You know, I don't think Dan has ever fished since my Dad died. It was something that the two of them would do, just the two of them, and at other times with some of my Dad's friends. I know some of them invited Dan fishing after Dad died, but I don't think Dan ever went with them. I can't recall a time when he did. I think he felt he was being disloyal to his Pop. And then six months later, after his Nan died, fishing really became a thing of the past. It's strange, you know. I haven't thought about any of this in years.

So, basically, I think Dan is OK. He doesn't go out as much as he used to. I mean, he still sees his friends on the weekend, but he spends his weeknights at home, once he finally gets home that is. The drive seems to be taking longer and longer at the moment because of the weather. The other night it took him two hours because of some accident on the way home. Not that he was in an accident. There was just one that slowed down his journey, that's all.

Now, as for my job. Well, that,too, is a long story.

You know from my earlier emails that I gave up on college when I found out I was pregnant with Dan. After I had him, I went to work at a childcare center and took Dan along. That worked out well since I could work and have Dan with me, but it did eat into my salary considerably since Dan's fees were deducted from my pay. An unskilled childcare worker didn't really earn all that much in those days. Still, it gave me an income and plenty of experience. My mom was in the industry, and she used her contacts to help get me a job at one of the few centers in town. It wasn't like it is these days – child care centers are a dime a dozen now – back then, there were only three in town. My mom worked at one, and she got me a job at another.

Anyway, I worked there for a few years until Dan started school. I still held onto my dream of becoming a teacher. When I was a teenager, I wanted to be an English/History teacher in high school when I planned on going to college, but that didn't work out, for obvious reasons. Working at the center helped me get some experience under my belt, and I realized that working with younger kids wasn't as boring as what I thought it would be – nor as easy. I mistakenly thought that working with older kids – teenagers – would be more challenging and require more skill. I was so wrong. Working with younger children is very hard, and requires specific knowledge and skills to do with that level of age development. That was something that working in the child care center taught me. They had an after school program for kids of working parents. The center ran from 6 a.m. to 7 p.m. five days a week, and I often got to see the "older kids" – you know, seven- to eleven-year-olds – in the afternoon. To cut a long story short, I decided that when Dan started Kindergarten. I would try to go back to college and study to be an elementary school teacher instead of a high school teacher.

It was a good plan and great in theory, but putting it in practice was a bit different. Trying to balance full time college with a young child was a challenge. It took me a year longer than I had anticipated because I had to drop a subject here and there at different times to try and balance everything – but eventually I graduated a qualified teacher.

Dan was in Grade four at the time and I was very proud of myself the day I got my degree. My college years had been a real team effort for the whole family. Mom and Dad had helped out a lot, especially in my final year as the pressure grew. I would never have been able to do it, I don't think, without their support. I was very lucky to have been able to live with them and have them support me and Dan through that time.

I continued to work part-time while I was at college. I couldn't work at the child care center anymore due to my college schedule, so I got a job at the local shopping center at night restocking the shelves after the store closed for the day. It meant that I could spend my afternoons, as much as I could, with Dan and help him with his homework and such. Some nights, Mom and Dad would have to put him to bed for me so that I could go off to work for the night. I tried to work only three or four shifts a week to keep things manageable. After work, I'd sometimes have to come home and work on assignments and the like. There were times I'd pull all-nighters just to get things finished and submitted on time, but every college student has done that at least once, right? I just did it a few more times than others!

Anyway, like I said, the day I graduated was a proud day for all the family. They were all there, and Dan was cheering just as loud as my Dad when I went up to accept my degree.

I lucked out with my first job. I didn't particularly want to move from Forks, so I started by doing substitute teaching - as much as I could get anyway. About halfway into the school year, one of the teachers left on maternity leave. I was offered the position and gladly accepted it. I ended up working at the school until I moved out to New Hampshire with Dan nearly five years ago.

Wow. Five years. That time has flown.

There you have it. Bella's abridged version of Teacher's College; although, by looking at the length of this email, maybe not so abridged?

As far as my dancing is concerned...I go to ballroom classes twice a week. I started them after Dan left for his trip and have met a wonderful group of people. We go out for coffee and supper each night after class, and it's been a fantastic experience for me. I've always wanted to dance but considered myself too clumsy. Having a partner definitely seems to help in that respect. So far, we've learnt the Quickstep, the Waltz, the Foxtrot and have just started some Latin American styles – the Samba is not as easy as it looks! In fact, none of them are. LOL.

And so sorry to disappoint you, but no, I don't think I'd look like Jennifer Beals, Olivia Newton-John or Jane Fonda in spandex. In fact, I'm SURE I wouldn't, and won't ever, 'cause I've never put on spandex in my life, and at my ripe old age, I am not about to start now!

Christmas is getting closer and closer. I need to get my shopping finished, and I bet the stores are getting crazier and crazier. I am looking forward to getting to know Cassie better. She has become a very important part of Dan's life, as have you.

Until next time,

Bella


Edward sat back in his chair and stared at his computer screen.

There was so much in that letter. So many little bits and pieces of the puzzle that was Isabella Swan.

He read it again, and the same feelings he experienced on his first read through surfaced again when he read about Bella's struggles as she worked her way through teachers' college. Edward expected, despite the relatively positive spin Bella had tried to put on her experiences, that there were indeed many struggles along the way. It made him sad. Very sad. And not for the first time since Bella had re-entered his life, he experienced regret. He wished her past could have been different. He wished that decisions made so long ago would have been different. Again, he wished he could have been there for both her and Dan, and yet this time, for the first time, Edward also realized that he no longer felt anger towards her. That emotion wasn't there. Mixed in with his feelings of remorse and regret was admiration and respect for the woman who had worked so hard to provide a future for herself and their son.

He was pleased that this email seemed to paint more of a positive spin on her parents' involvement in her life. He was aware that she loved her parents very much, which was evident in the way she spoke of them, but he had also been harboring feelings of anger towards Bella's father and the way he first dealt with news of Bella's pregnancy. He was still undecided about Charlie as a person, but he was thankful that Bella had experienced their support and love as she worked hard to raise Dan on her own.

Edward appreciated just how concerned Bella was for their son, and how understanding she was of Dan's commitment to Cassie and their relationship. Those feelings were evident between the lines of what she wrote, and Dan has already raised the issue of moving West. Edward wondered how Bella would cope with that if or when it happened.

And finally, Edward smiled as he read the final paragraphs of Bella's email. This is where he felt he really got to know and understand her better. He could see Bella's sense of humor coming through. It was something that she didn't really let show during their brief weekend together, not that Edward really was surprised by that. The weekend they had shared had been awkward for all of them on so many levels, which made him appreciate all the more now that Bella was beginning to share more of herself with him in each and every email exchange.

Edward continued to smile as he shut down his laptop and rose to leave his study for the evening.

He wouldn't respond to Bella straight away. He wanted to think over everything she'd shared with him thus far. He couldn't put his finger on it exactly, but he was sure, despite their progress over the last week, that Bella was still treading warily as was he. He hoped that they could continue to bring down the walls that existed between them. Dan, after all this time, deserved a family, and while their family was definitely not traditional, Edward prayed that what they could offer him was something that would tie them all together and make them all better people for years to come.

Edward climbed the stairs to his bedroom and readied himself for bed.

This Christmas – their first of many, he hoped – was just around the corner.


AN: Thank you for your patience. Things in my "real life" are causing me to take longer between updates. In fact, it might be three weeks or so before you see your next chapter...I find this as frustrating as you all do...and I promise to keep working on things as diligently as possible.

Thanks to all of my readers who are leaving me reviews...especially the newbies who have reviewed each and every chapter as they've read this fic...that is amazing to me, and deeply appreciated. I also love seeing the "regulars" review again and again...I hope you appreciate my replies to you all as much as I appreciate your reviews. Speaking of replies, I think I got to nearly everyone this time around...but I have a feeling I may have missed a couple...and I have tried to go back and check, but I got myself lost...so I apologise in advance and hope that I haven't offended anyone.

To the AussieTwiMums who have reviewed my fic on their blog during February...Ladybugs_Mum and SydneyTwiMum...you two are awesome...thanks for raising the profile of this story. I'll toast all of you wonderful women from the ATM site with a glass of red after I post this tonight.

I have the distinct feeling I have forgotten someone I desperately wanted to thank tonight, and I know I should have made notes, but I didn't...so I hope if I have left anyone off my list, I'll catch you up with the next chapter posting.

In case you missed it, I posted a one shot from this fic - Bella's night out - if you didn't read it as part of the Haiti fundraiser, it is available on this site...just look up my profile and you will find the link. It covers that fatefilled night twenty-odd years ago, and gives you an insight into Bella's motivations and why she behaved so out of character - something many of you have wondered about.

Until next time...thanks for reading...and thanks for sticking with me and my story.

Leisa