29. Loyalties

My eyes flew wide open with fright. I wasn't positive whether I was awake or asleep, but I was still pretty freaked out. Something scratched against my window again with the same thin, high-pitched sound. My heart thundered against my rib cage.

Confused and clumsy with sleep, I stumbled out of my bed and towards the window with my gun in hand. I blinked repeatedly trying to clear my eyes. I had to focus. A huge, dark shape wobbled erratically on the other side of the glass, lurching toward me like it was going to smash right through. I staggered back, terrified, my throat closing around a scream.

Victoria.

She'd come for me.

I was dead.

Fuck. Not my dad too!

I choked back the building scream and pointed at the window with my gun. I didn't know how I would keep quiet through this, but I would make sure my shot rang true this time. No one was going to kill my dad. No one.

A familiar husky voice called from the dark shape.

"Eliza!" it hissed, "Ouch! Damn it, open the window! OUCH!"

It took me two seconds to shake off the horror before I could move. I placed the gun on my desk and hurried to the window. I shoved open my window. The clouds were dimly lit from behind, enough for me to make sense of the shapes.

"What are you doing?" I gasped and let out a disbelieving breath.

Jacob clung precariously to the top of the tall apple tree that grew near the side of the house by my window. His weight had bowed the tree further towards my house. His legs dangled twenty feet above the ground and the thin branches at the tip of the tree scraped against the side of the house again with a grating squeal.

"I'm trying to keep" - he huffed, shifted his weight as the treetop bounced him - "my promise!"

I blinked rapidly, suddenly sure that I was still dreaming, "When did you ever promise to kill yourself falling out of my apple tree?"

He snorted, unamused, and swung his legs to improve his balance. "Get out of the way," he ordered.

I reeled back, "What?"

He swung his legs again, backwards and forward, increasing his momentum. I realized what he was trying to do.

"Don't you dare!" I hissed as I ducked to the side. With a grunt, he launched himself toward my open window.

My breath caught in my throat as I waited for him to fall to his death or maim himself against the wooden siding. To my shock, he swung agilely into my room and landed on the balls of his feet with a low thud like a cat.

We both looked to the door automatically, holding our breath, waiting to see if the noise had roused my dad from sleep. A short moment of silence passed and then we heard the muffled sound of my dad's snores.

A wide grin spread slowly across Jacob's face; he seemed extremely pleased with himself. Mischief danced in his eyes as he preened in his achievement not to kill himself or wake up my dad. That was all a bit much for me.

"Get out!" I hissed, putting as much venom into the whisper as I could. This was crazy. Seriously crazy. I could've shot him.

He blinked, his face going blank with surprise. "No," he protested. He frowned at me, "I came to apologize."

I sighed and shook my head, "Fine! Just get out." I tried to shove him back out the window. If this was a dream it wouldn't really hurt him. It was useless though since I couldn't move him at all. I dropped my hands quickly, and stepped away from him. When did he get so heavy?

He wore a thin flimsy shirt even though the air blowing in the window was cold enough to make me shiver. Wasn't he cold?

Suddenly, it was just more than I could handle. I swayed unsteadily, and struggled to keep my eyes open. I did not have time for this shit.

"Eliza?" Jacob whispered anxiously. He caught my elbow as I swayed again, and steered me back to my bed. My legs gave out when I reached the edge, and I plopped into a limp heap on the mattress.

"Hey, are you okay?" Jacob asked, worry creased his forehead.

I looked up at him, "Why in the world would I be okay?"

Anguish replaced some of the bitterness in his face. "Right," he agreed, and took a deep breath, "Crap. Well...I - I'm so sorry, Eliza." The apology was sincere, no doubt about it, but there was still an angry twist to his features.

I sighed and let my fore arm flop onto my eyes, "Why did you come here? Through the window of all places. You couldn't wait until the morning or call like a normal person."

"No, I couldn't," he whispered, "I couldn't leave things the way I did this afternoon. I was horrible. I'm sorry."

I shook my head wearily, "I still don't understand anything."

"I know. I want to explain - " he broke off suddenly, his mouth open, almost like something had cut off his air. Then he sucked in a deep breath, "But I can't explain even though I wish I could."

I sighed and tilted my head, "Why?"

He was quiet for a moment. I searched his face for an answer. What I saw surprised me. His eyes were squinted, his teeth clenched, and his forehead wrinkled in effort.

"What's wrong?" I asked while I poked his cheek. It wasn't as squishy as I remembered.

He exhaled heavily, and I realized he'd been holding his breath too. "I can't do it," he muttered, frustrated.

I leveled him with an expectant look, "Do what?"

He ignored my question, "Look, Eliza. Haven't you ever had a secret that you couldn't tell anyone?"

He looked at me with knowing eyes, and my thoughts jumped immediately to vampires, shape shifters, witches, and the magical world. I hoped my expression didn't look guilty.

"Something you felt like you had to keep from uncle Charlie?" he pressed, "Something you won't even talk about with me? Not even now?"

I felt my eyes tighten. I didn't answer his question, but I knew he would take that as a confirmation.

"Can you understand that I might have the same kind of 'situation'?" he was struggling again, and seemed to fight for the right words. He muttered, "Sometimes, loyalty gets in the way of what you want to do. Sometimes, it's not your secret to tell."

I couldn't argue with that. He was exactly right. I had a secrets that weren't mine to tell, yet I felt bound to protect them. I still didn't see how it applied to him, or Sam, or uncle Billy. What was it to them? Uncle Billy already knew about the magical world as far as I knew, and Sam and Jacob really didn't need to know. They didn't need to get tangled into danger. It was safer for them to be ignorant.

I crossed my arms and sighed, "I don't know why you came here, Jacob. If you were just going to give me riddles instead of answers you could've just texted me."

"I'm sorry," he whispered, "But this is so frustrating."

We looked at each other for a long moment, both our faces hopeless.

"The part that kills me," he said abruptly, "Is that you already know. I already told you everything!"

I raised a brow, "What are you talking about?" Was he talking about what I think he was talking about? Did he know now too?

He sucked in a startled breath, his face shifted from hopelessness to blazing intensity in a second. He stared fiercely into my eyes, and his voice was fast and eager. He spoke the words right into my face. His breath smelt like a dog. He really needed to brush his teeth more.

"I think I see a way to make this work out - because you know this, Eliza! I can't tell you, but if you guessed it! That would let me right off the hook!" he leaned back and bounced on the heels of his feet.

I frowned and sighed, "You want me to guess?"

A wide grin spread across his face, "Yeah! Guess my secret. You can do it - you know the answer."

I blinked twice, trying to clear my head. I was so tired. Was he really serious? Were we really playing guess my secret? We hadn't done this since we were seven. This felt really stupid.

He took in my unimpressed expression, and then his face tensed with effort again, "Wait, let me see if I can give you some help."

"Help?" I asked dubiously. My eyelids threatened to fall, but I forced them open. It was really too early for all of this.

"Yeah," he said, shooting me a strained smile, "Like clues."

"Remember the bonfire on the beach in La Push when you came here earlier this year?" he poked my forehead with his too hot hand. It felt like he was burning up.

I frowned at him and pushed his hand away, "Of course I do."

He nodded and poked my cheek, "Tell me about it."

I took a deep breath and tried not to smack him, "We went for a walk down the beach, and you told me about the Quileute legends again."

He closed his eyes and opened them again, "Yes." The word was tense, fervent, like he was on the edge of something vital. He spoke slowly, making each word distinct, "Do you remember what I said?"

I frowned, "Yeah, of course I do. Uncle Billy told both of us those stories when we were younger too."

He inhaled deeply, struggling, "Do you remember the stor- " He couldn't finish the question. His mouth popped open like something had stuck in his throat.

"The stories?" I asked impatiently.

He nodded mutely.

My head churned. Only one story really mattered at that time. I knew he'd begun with others, but I couldn't quite remember, especially not while my brain was so clouded with exhaustion. All I really recalled were shape shifters and vampires, so I started to shake my head.

Jacob groaned and pressed his fists against his forehead as he breathed fast and angry. "You know this, you know this," he muttered to himself.

"Jacob, please, I'm exhausted. I'm not good at this right now. Maybe in the morning..." I yawned and stretched out my back.

He took a steadying breath and nodded, "Maybe it'll come back to you." He plunked back onto the mattress beside me.

"Do you mind if I ask you a question about that?" he asked as he sighed heavily.

"A question about what?" I murmured warily.

He shot me an expectant look, "About the vampire story I told you."

I stared at him with guarded eyes, unable to answer. He asked his question anyway.

"Did you honestly not know?" he muttered. He bit his lip and searched my face, "Was I the one who told you what he was? What they were?"

How did he- ? Why did he decide to believe, why now? My teeth clenched together. I stared back at him, no intention of speaking. I refused to put him in danger because of what I knew.

"See what I mean about loyalty?" he sighed, "It's the same for me, only worse. You can't imagine how tight I'm bound..."

I didn't like that - didn't like the way his eyes closed as if he were in pain when he spoke of being bound. I hated it, hated anything that caused him pain. Hated it fiercely.

For me, this was all essentially voluntary. I protected the Cullens' secret out of love; love for my family and friends. Not them. Sure, I liked their family, but I wouldn't put my loved ones in danger for them. For Jacob, it didn't voluntary at all. Whatever bound him to them.

"Isn't there any way for you to get free?" I whispered, touching the rough edge at the back of his head.

His hands began to tremble, but he didn't open his eyes, "No. I'm in this for life. A life sentence." A bleak laugh escaped him, "Longer, maybe." Damn. What kind of gang was he in?

I grimaced, "What if we killed him?" That would fix it right? We'd be on the run forever, but at least he wouldn't be in a gang anymore.

"That's not something either of us should do, Eliza," he whispered. His shoulders were shaking now, too. He took a deep breath, "Look, I've got to leave. You need your sleep, and I need you firing on all pistons. You're going to figure this out, you have to."

I frowned at his hesitant look, "And why else?"

He scowled, "I had to sneak out. I'm not supposed to see you. They've got to be wondering where I am." His mouth twisted, "I suppose I should go let them know."

"You don't have to tell them anything," I insisted. Jacob wasn't a child to led around by a leash, he had to know that.

He shook his head, "I don't have a choice."

Anger flashed hot inside of me, "I hate them."

Jacob looked at me with wide eyes, surprised, "No, Eliza. Don't hate them. It's not Sam's or any of the others' faults. I told you before - it's me. Sam is actually incredibly cool. Jared and Paul are great, too, though Paul is kind of a dick. And Embry's always been our friend. Nothing's changed there - the only thing that hasn't changed. I feel really bad about the things I used to think about Sam..."

"Sure Sam's was incredibly cool now," I sarcastically tacked on and stared at him in disbelief. He let my comment slide off of him like water.

I sighed and let my shoulders slump, "Then why aren't you supposed to see me? What? You guys aren't allowed to see family anymore? Or is it because I'm white and he's a racist?"

Jacob let out a guffaw and shook his head before his expression turned morose. "That's not it. It's not safe," he mumbled looking down.

His words sent a tendril of fear through me. He was right. A psychotic vampire was still supposedly after me...it was the middle of the night, the perfect time for hunting. Jacob shouldn't be here in my room. If someone came for me, I had to be alone. I had to be ready to protect myself and having another person around would distract me. I glanced at the gun on my desk. I was glad he hadn't asked about it.

"If I thought it was too risky I wouldn't have come, but Eliza," he looked at me again, "I made you a promise when we were little. I had no idea it would be so hard to keep, but that doesn't mean I'm not going to try." A sad smile slipped onto his face at that reminder. When aunt Sarah had died...we had promised not to leave one another. Then the twins left and that just cemented our resolve. No one gets left behind. No one.

"I know, Jacob. It'll be okay," I didn't know if I was lying about it all being okay, but I knew that I would have to make a little bit better. I had to try to save him, even if he didn't know it.

"Thanks," he took my hand, "I'm going to do what I can. I'll be there for you, just like we promised." He grinned at me suddenly, "It would really help if you could figure this out on your own, Eliza. Put some honest effort into it."

I snorted out a laugh, "I'll try."

"And I'll try to see you soon," he sighed, "Even though I know that they'll try to talk me out of it."

I patted his hand and shrugged, "Just don't listen to them."

"I'll try," he let out a slight laugh and shook his head, "Come and tell me as soon as you figure it out." Something occurred to him just then, something that made his hands shake, "If you...if you want to."

I reeled back slightly and shot him a disbelieving look, "Why wouldn't I want to see you?"

His face turned hard and bitter, one hundred percent the face that belonged to Sam. "Oh, I can think of a couple reasons," he stated harshly. He let out a depressed breath, "Look, I really have to go. Could you do something for me?"

I nodded, worried about his sporadic moods.

He muttered, "At least call me - if you don't want to see me again. Let me know if it's like that."

I let out an irritated sigh, "That won't happen."

He raised one hand, cutting me off, "Just let me know." He stood and headed for the window.

"Don't be an idiot," I waved my hand at the distance between the window and tree, "You'll break your leg. Use the door. I doubt that my dad would really care that you were here. Weirded out, but not worried."

"I won't get hurt," he muttered, but he turned for the door. He hesitated as he passed me and stared at me with an expression like something was stabbing him. He held one hand out, his face pleading.

I took his hand, and suddenly he yanked me into a in a bear hug that crushed me. "Can't - breathe!" I gasped.

He dropped me at once, keeping one hand at my shoulder so I didn't fall over. He gently mussed up my hair, "Get some sleep. You've got to get your head working. I know you can do this. I need you to understand. I won't lose you, Eliza. Not because of this."

He went through the door in one stride, opening it quietly, and disappeared through it. I listened for his squeaky steps, but there was no sound. I lay back on my bed and my thoughts whirred. I was too confused and too worn out to really think about it. I closed my eyes, trying to make sense of it, only to be swallowed up by unconsciousness so swift that it was disorienting.

It was not a peaceful, dreamless sleep. I was in the dark forest again, and I started to wander away like I always did.

I quickly became aware that this was not the same dream as usual. For one thing, I felt no compulsion to search; I was merely wandering out of habit. Actually, this wasn't even the same forest. The smell was different, the shadows were smaller, and the light was warmer. It smelled, not like the damp earth of the dark woods, but like the brine of the ocean. I couldn't see the sky, but it seemed like the sun must've be shining. It was so warm. The leaves above me were a bright jade green instead of the dark emerald they usually were.

This place must've been the forest around La Push, somewhere near the beach. I was sure of it. I knew that if I found the beach, I would be able to see the sun, so I hurried forward. I followed the faint sounds of waves in the distance.

And then suddenly Jacob was there. He grabbed my hand, pulling me back toward the blackest part of the forest.

"Jacob, what's wrong?" I asked. His face was the frightened face of a boy, and his hair was long again, swept back into a ponytail on the nape of his neck. He yanked with all his strength, but I resisted; I didn't want to go into the dark.

"Run, Eliza, you have to run!" he whispered, terrified.

The abrupt wave of deja vu was so strong it nearly woke me up.

I knew why I recognized this place now. It was because I'd been here before, in another dream. It was the dream I'd had the night after I'd walked with Jacob on the beach. The first night I knew that Edward was a vampire. Reliving that day with Jacob must have dredged this dream out of my buried memories.

Detached from the dream now, I waited for it to play out. Jacob dropped my hand and yelped. Shaking and twitching, he fell to the ground at my feet. In his place was an enormous, red-brown wolf with dark, intelligent eyes. The dream veered off course, like a train jumping the tracks.

This was not the same wolf that I'd dreamed of before. This one was the great russet wolf I'd stood half a foot from in the meadow, just a week ago. This wolf was gigantic, monstrous, bigger than a bear. He stared intently at me, trying to convey something vital with his intelligent eyes. The black-brown, familiar eyes of my little godbrother.

I jolted away with my heart hammering inside of my chest. I breathed rapidly and looked around my dark room before I flopped back down onto my pillows.

I remembered it all now - every word that Jacob had said to me that day on the beach.

"He frowned and sighed, "Well, there's one legend that claims that we descended from wolves - and that the wolves are our brothers still. It's still against tribal law to kill them. Then there are the stories about the cold ones."

I remembered being nervous that my suspicions had been confirmed, "The cold ones?"

He spotted my worried expression and pulled on a strained smile, "There are stories of the cold ones as old as the wolf legends, and some much more recent. According to legend, my own great-grandfather was the one who made the treaty that kept them off our land. You see, the cold ones are the natural enemies of the wolves and werewolves. The wolves turn into men though, so the legend says. Not like werewolves, but more like shape shifters."

I had been a little surprised at that tidbit of information, "Your great-grandfather?"

"You mean, like in Harry Potter?" I asked helpfully.

Jacob rolled his eyes at me and let out a snorting laugh, "Yeah, you Potter nut."

I stared at him impatiently, "And?"

"Bossy. Hold on and let me continue... so the cold ones are traditionally our enemies. This coven that came to our territory, during my great-grandfather's time, were different. They didn't hunt the way others of their kind did, they didn't seem as dangerous, so my great-grandfather made a truce with them. If they would promise to stay off our lands, we wouldn't expose them to the outside world," Jacob stated solemnly. So that meant that Jacob was officially a wolf shape shifter now.

What hell kind of a place was this? Why was the world full of creatures that were only mentioned in stories? How did this all happen to the small town that I had loved? I thought that I was in enough trouble when it was just me and my mom that knew about the magical dangerous side of the world. Now Jacob was pulled in it too. Did this mean that every fairy-tale was grounded somewhere in absolute truth? I needed to think. Even with the benefits of magic, it didn't seem that great right now.

A small, dry voice in the back of my mind asked me what the big deal was. Hadn't I already accepted this all before? Exactly, I wanted to scream back at the voice. I had almost died because of it, and I didn't want to drag anymore of my family into it. I couldn't and wouldn't be able to stand it if I lost them.

I fought the urge to scream again. Why was this happening to me? There must've been something deeply wrong with me. Why else would my life be filled with characters from horror movies? Why else would I need to worry about living past seventeen? Was this all some horror story that I was stuck in?

In my head, everything spun and shifted, rearranging so that things that had meant one thing before, now meant something else.

There was no cult. There had never been a cult, or a gang. No, it was much worse than that. It was a pack.

A pack of five mind blowing gigantic, shape shifting wolves that had stalked right past me in that meadow. They probably ripped apart that stupid vampire Laurent. That was my only solace right now. One less vampire out to kill me I supposed.

Suddenly, I was in a frantic hurry. I glanced at the clock on my phone - it was way too early, but I didn't care. I had to go to La Push now. I had to see Jacob so he could tell me that I hadn't lost my mind. That this was all real. I definitely had to call my mom later too. This was getting to be all too much.

I pulled on the first clean clothes I could find, strapped on my gun, pocketed some holy water and made sure that I had my phone, wallet, and keys. I took the stairs two at a time and almost ran into my dad as I skidded into the hallway, headed for the door.

"Where are you going?" he asked, surprised to see me up already. He frowned, "Do you know what time it is?"

I nodded, "Yeah. I have to go see Jacob."

My dad frowned, "I thought the thing with Sam - "

I shook my head, "That doesn't matter, I have to talk to him right now. In person. It's important."

"It's pretty early," his brows tented when my expression didn't change, "Don't you want breakfast?"

"I'm not hungry," the words flew through my lips. He was blocking my path to the exit. I considered ducking around him and making a run for it, but I knew I would have to explain that to him later. I hugged my dad and steadily stated, "I'll be back soon. I promise."

He frowned and eventually returned my hug. I heard him let out a deep sigh, "Straight to Jacob's house, okay?"

"Of course, dad. Where would I stop?" I stepped away from him and pulled on my shoes.

"I don't know," he admitted quietly, "There's been another bear and wolf attack. It was real close to the resort by the hot springs, and there's a witness this time. The victim was only a dozen yards from the road when he disappeared. His wife saw a huge gray wolf just a few minutes later while she was searching for him, and ran for help."

My stomach dropped like I'd hit a corkscrew on a roller coaster, "A wolf attacked him?"

"There's no sign of him - just a little blood again," my dad's face was pained, "The rangers are going out armed, taking armed volunteers. There are a lot of hunters who are eager to be involved - there's a reward being offered for wolf and bear carcasses. That's going to mean a lot of firepower out there in the forest, and it worries me." He shook his head, "When people get too excited accidents happen"

"They're going to kill them?" my voice shot up three octaves as I straightened up.

"What else can we do? What's wrong?" he asked, his tense eyes studied my face. I felt faint; I must be whiter than usual. He pecked my forehead and ruffled my hair, "You aren't turning into a tree-hugger on me, are you?"

I couldn't answer. If he hadn't been watching me, I would have put my head between my knees. I'd forgotten about the missing hikers, the bloody paw prints. Fuck.

My dad pulled me into a warm hug, "Look, honey, don't let this scare you. Just stay in town or on the highway - no stops - okay?"

"Okay," I weakly replied.

He patted my shoulder and released me from his embrace, "I've got to go."

I looked at him closely for the first time, and saw that he had his gun strapped to his waist and hiking boots on. My brows furrowed, "You aren't going out there after the wolves, are you, dad?"

"I've got to help, honey. People are disappearing again," he shot me a reassuring smile, but I was still scared for him.

I felt my throat clog up and I blinked away tears that threatened to fall, "Be safe dad...come back in one piece."

"I'll be fine, sweetie," he turned for the door, and held it open, "You leaving too?"

I hesitated, my stomach still spinning in uncomfortable loops. "Maybe it's too early to go to La Push," I whispered.

"I agree," he stated softly as he stepped out into the rain. The door gently shut behind him. As soon as he was out of sight, I dropped down onto the floor and put my head between my knees.

Should I go after my dad? What would I say? And what about Jacob? Jacob was one of my best friends and my little godbrother; I needed to warn him. If he really was a wolf shape shifter, then people would be shooting at him. I needed to tell him and his friends that people would try to kill them if they went running around like gigantic wolves. I needed to tell them to stop.

They had to stop. My dad was going to be out there with so many other people. Would they care about that? I needed to believe that Jacob, at least, would care about that. Either way, I had to warn him.

Or...did I?

Jacob was family, but was he a monster too? Should I warn him, if he and his friends were murderers? What if they were the ones out slaughtering innocent hikers in cold blood? If they were truly creatures from a horror movie and not shape shifters like I thought they were, would it be wrong to protect them?