Chapter 29: Enough Cliffhanging Already

Inoichi found himself standing on a mountain ridge, suddenly sweating from the sweltering heat and an unforgiving sun, both of which were made barely tolerable by an intermittent breeze and the occasional wandering cloud granting a minute of shade.

The ground sloped down until it dropped to form a sheer cliff face centered around a single point jutting out from the rest of the shelf he was standing on. Evergreen trees dotted the outcropping, while covering most of the mountainside he could lower than his current position. Walking forward to the edge of the cliff, Inoichi could see that at the base of the mountain, there was a sizeable lake with deep blue waters, its shores rich with Evergreen trees and shrubs. There were walking trails visible where the trees thinned out, leading around the lake and up the base of the mountain. But the truly breathtaking view was the vast valley that stretched out for miles from where he was standing

But the truly breathtaking view was the vast valley that stretched out for miles from where he was standing, rolling plains covered with tall grass and sage bushes until more mountains rose up in the distance. In the distance, he could see a small town. Elsewhere in the immense expanse, he could see fields filled with what he assumed were cattle. A paved road wound through the valley.

Inoichi took in the view for several minutes, marvelling at the detail of the mental construct, before turning back to look at the door that had brought him here.

The door was there, the same doors found in the Konoha Academy, simply sitting on the rock face, looking completely out of place.

However, Inoichi realized, he was not at the top of the mountain he was currently standing on. He wasn't even halfway up the mountain, which stretched up for several thousand more feet.

He stared in awe at the mountain range he was standing on, the peaks covered in snow despite the ridiculous heat, towering over him, the magnificent stone edifices were visibly larger than any mountain Inoichi had ever seen in his life, including the Three Wolves Mountain that made the Land of Iron so famous.

Clouds would drift across the sky into the mountain, only for the peaks to remain visible above them.

"Inspiring, isn't it?" came the voice that Inoichi had heard in Sakura's memories, "To be so far up and still be nowhere near the peak. To see land stretched out so far beneath you and still feel so insignificant."

Inoichi turned and looked to the side of the path, where a young man was sitting on a boulder in the shade. Spending a minute to take in his features before responding.

The man was over average height, with almost unnaturally pale skin, short and neat muddy brown hair and eyes, stubble around his mouth, and a nasty scar just above his nose. He wore angular glasses with a brown, metal frame that almost hid the bags under his eye. His clothing was decidedly civilian: a red t-shirt and gray shorts with heavy boots suitable for hiking. All in all, he seemed like a normal, civilian adult.

"Ishi, I presume?" Inoichi said eventually, turning his whole body towards the enigmatic entity.

"In the abstract flesh" Ishi responded as he stood up and took a bow.

"You're not an imaginary friend," Inoichi pondered aloud before counting off on his fingers, "Your only inclusion in Sakura's memories is a voice, not the avatar's young children imagine, you can project your own mindscape to an extent, and it's both complex and somewhere Sakura has never seen to my knowledge. Where are we, by the way?"

"You could show me any map you have in Konoha, and I would never be able to point to these mountains on any of them," Ishi said with a grin, " We can call them Tetons if you need a name, however."

"Fair enough," Inoichi answered as he crossed his arms, "You're not some enemy ninja using genjutsu or some mental techniques to take advantage of a citizen, because you've been with Sakura since her earliest years without crushing her mind like anyone who uses those techniques on a child is likely to do."

"But just because you can't see the damage that results from less than divinely perfect use of those techniques," Ishi interrupted while raising a finger, "Doesn't rule out a long con by a ninja with divinely perfect mastery of mental techniques."

"No," Inoichi answered, "You're present with Sakura in every memory she has, no matter where she is. No one has the time to perform that kind of technique, and mind techniques don't mesh with clone techniques because they unbalance the structure of mental and physical energy."

"Good, you're thinking this through," Ishi said, before waving his hand to gesture Inoichi could continue.

"Jinchuriki are sometimes reported to have this kind of divorced mindscape," the ninja responded, "But the bijuu are all accounted for and while Sakura does have seals on her body, her system doesn't show any type of foreign chakra."

"So what am I?" Ishi said, his grin widening as some recognition reached Inoichi's eyes.

"You're a separate mind in Sakura's head," Inoichi practically whispered, "That's the only way Sakura would have this kind of dual mindscape without external chakra in her system. How the hell does a child develop MPD as a toddler?"

"That depends,"Ishi said before his mild and pleased tone dropped to something more serious, "What. Am. I."

Inoichi stopped for a minute, his mouth opening soundlessly, before he continued his train of thought, "You're not a father figure, or a friend for an isolated and lonely girl, as Sakura has both Paternal and Fraternal figures in her life. Your appearance doesn't resemble her's even superficially, so you're not some psychotic alternate personality. You're not the manifestation of some anxiety disorder, trauma, or brain damage, as she doesn't have anything like that in her medical history. So tell me, what are you?"

"You haven't figured it out?" Ishi's disappointed frown speaking volumes, "This world runs on Duality."

"What?" Inoichi was thrown by the apparent non-sequitur

Nonplussed, Ishi continued, pacing towards the cliff: "Woman and Man, Mind and Body, Yin and Yang, Form and Substance, Moon and Sun, Indra and Ashura, Uchiha and Senju, the base of this world is in its duality. "

"So you're, what? Sakura's opposite? A man just past adolescence compared a girl at its very beginning? Civilian to her ninja, Average appearance to her uniqueness."

"Sure, if you want to look at it that way." Ishi said with a shrug, "I'm an idealist at heart with a pragmatic outlook, compared to her cynical nature protected by childhood innocence. My Egalitarianism is opposed to her Deontological ethics. But duality doesn't mean opposites so much as it means complements. I'm her antithesis in the classical sense: that which, when included, makes her more than she is. "

Inoichi raised an eyebrow, "Deontological?"

"Those who break the rules are trash."

"But those who abandon their comrades are worse than trash." Inoichi interjected.

"Yes, that's true," Ishi agreed, "It's so important that it's one of the underlying rules of Konoha society. But back to me and Sakura: to every failure she has, I tell her to get up and try again. After every triumph, I remind her that she, too, is mortal. When she's trapped by cognitive bias I help her with a different perspective. I propose an idea, she makes it work. I help identify an ambition while she provides a drive. She perfects the application of an idea given to her, while I give weight to an idea she wouldn't have considered. I am, she does. She sees, but I understand."

"She's rather humble" Inoichi grunts.

"And I'm a complete braggart."

Inoichi went rigid, before uttering, "Sakura is a loyal ninja."

"Yes," Ishi said as his grin returned, "She is, while I'd happily tear down the entire Ninja World, piece by piece."


Elsewhere

Naruto and Sasuke had met and commiserated on being denied their favorite foods before a solution presented itself to them.

Naruto sat in his apartment with a bag of fresh tomatoes, when a knock came on his door.

Getting up to answer it, Naruto called out, "Is that you, Sasuke?"

"It's not like anyone else ever visits you," Sasuke's muffled voice called back, "Now open up, moron."

"Ouch," Naruto said, opening the door with his left hand while his right covered his heart, "That hurt more than any hit you've managed to land in a spar to date, asshole."

"Shut up," Sasuke sniped back, as he walked in and placed several bowls of Ichiruka's takeout on Naruto's table, "My best work doesn't come on an empty stomach."

"Thanks for bringing the ramen," Naruto said as he sat down and opened his bounty.

"No problem," Sasuke answered before opening the bag of technically-fruit, "So how are we going to get Sakura back for this?"

"We're not," Naruto answered as he opened his takeout and began wolfing down his noodles.

"Why should we let her get away with it?" Sasuke asked in flatly as he carefully inspected his tomatoes to find the perfect snack.

"Because if we don't let her get away with it," Naruto answered with a smug smirk that Sasuke considered almost passable, "She'll find a different punishment: one that works."

"That's -," Sasuke said, raising a finger before pausing, " -actually a good point."

"So we're agreed?"

Sasuke only grunted in response.


On an imaginary Rock Face

"I'm sorry," Inoichi said rubbing his pointer finger in his left ear. "I don't think I caught that. You want to do what?"

"Tear apart the culture and institutions that underpin the Shinobi world and all that entails," Ishi answered with the same smug grin.

"You know," Inoichi said in surprise, his hands hanging at his sides, "I would have thought the opposite of Sakura being a loyal shinobi would be merely hating Konoha."

"Oh I do," Ishi said, as he sat down on a rock and turned to face the lake below the cliff face before continuing in the same pleasant tone of voice, "Hate Konoha, that is. You have family members enslaving and torturing other family members, created the modern tradition of Jinchuriki and then proceeded to ostracize them, utilize child-soldiers, openly have a department dedicated to Torture, promote stagnation and hoarding of knowledge, kidnap and brainwash orphans, make war without regard for collateral damage or the sovereignty of foreign nations, and restrict the usage of chakra to be solely a tool of war and it's supporting fields. Hell, you literally just invaded the sanctity of a child's mind on the suspicion that she might either be involved with espionage or have mental problems. I just happen to also hate every other ninja village for much the same thing: Torture, genocide, kidnapping, war crimes, brainwashing, and the abuse of chakra."

"You can't expect to say something like that and have us allow you to act on that ambition," Inoichi said flatly, as he sat down next to Ishi.

"Act?" Ishi snorted as he sat down on the edge of the cliff, "Please, I don't have any agency of my own. I'm entirely dependent on Sakura as an intermediary to engage the real world, and she's, as you said, a loyal ninja of Konoha."

"You say that as if I'd allow you to remain in her head," Inoichi answered flatly.

Ishi rolled his eyes and responded, "I'm not a foreign influence you can remove, and if that kind of far-reaching mental manipulation and influence were within your grasp, not only would your clan rule the world, but traitors to the village and missing nin wouldn't exist. If you try, you're more likely to kill or cripple one of the more promising shinobi in Konoha's upcoming generation, sour your relationship with both the Last Uchiha and Jinchuriki, and even if you managed to succeed in removing or killing me without affecting Sakura at all, how exactly would you explain wanting to kill her imaginary friend?"

Ishi then twisted his face and continued in a mocking imitation of Inoichi's voice, "Oh, I'm sorry Sakura, we had to get rid of Ishi because he's a wild revolutionary who opposed our entire way of life and threatened everything we stand for with his powers of talking to one little girl."

"There's no need to be flippant." Inoichi frowned, as he sat down next to Ishi.

Ishi sighed before answering, "Sorry, but you're the first person other than Sakura I've spoken to in...ever."

"I accept your apology," the older man answered with a small smile before leaning back and resting on his palms, "I recognize that this whole situation is very odd, so I guess we're going to have to make the best of it. So I ask, for Sakura's sake, that you please consider any actions you take very carefully."

"I will," Ishi returned Inoichi's smile as he leaned back on his palms.

"I just wish that we could have prodigy shinobi that aren't clearly insane," Inoichi muttered as he stood up.

"Sane people make terrible killers," Ishi called out as Inoichi walked to the door on the mountainside.

Walking out of Ishi's mindscape, Inoichi brought his hands together and called out, "Release."

Meanwhile, Ishi continued to watch the lake beneath him as the world began to fade around him before talking to no-one in particular, "He really should have remembered that Sakura can't lie for shit."


The Hokage's Office: the following morning

Hiruzen Sarutobi sat down at his desk, as Inoichi strolled into his office, hoping for a peaceful update on team 7's mental health before he had to deal with another day of political talks with Suna representatives. "Woe to the conquered," he muttered to himself as he filled his pipe, "And woe to whoever has to deal with the aftermath."

"Good morning, Hokage-sama," Inoichi said neutrally, "Do you want the good news-"

"Damn it," the Hokage muttered to himself,

"-Or the bad news first," Inoichi said, as he placed several folders on the elderly man's desk.

"Let's start with the good news," Hiruzen sighed as he lit his pipe, "I doubt I'll have much more of it today."

"Ok," Inoichi smiled, "Naruto is, as always, surprisingly healthy and upbeat from a mental standpoint. He's still as stubborn as ever, but he happily interacts with his peers and emotes almost too much. Team 7 has been good for him, he's showing more complex thought patterns, and is in all ways acceptable and happy on Team 7. Sasuke, additionally, is starting to come out his shell, something that hasn't happened since that night. He has bonded with his team and will likely become more social - or at least less isolated - if given the chance to interact with others his own age. He still has an inferiority complex relative to his brother, but it's less pronounced now. Both boys have begun to bloom under Kakashi's tutelage and risen to adversity with aplomb."

"And Sakura?" The Hokage as he smiled for two children he'd failed so much in the past.

"She's insane."

The two nin sat in silence for several seconds, as the Hokage puffed on his pipe before responding, "Elaborate."

"She thinks she has an imaginary friend, a young adult named Ishi," Inoichi said as he pulled out a chair and sat down before the Hokage's desk, his eyes beseeching the heavens for some measure of strength, "He's a manifestation of MPD, a completely separate personality, based on Sakura's idea of a complement or an opposite."

"An evil Sakura?" asked the Hokage.

Inoichi paused for several seconds, waving one finger slightly in front of him as he thought, "No. Or at least nothing so clear-cut. As far as I can tell, he's based on what Sakura views as her opposite, so if he were pure evil, it would imply Sakura views herself as pure, untainted, perfectly good."

"So what's the problem?"

"Apparently, Sakura views herself as a loyal shinobi, dedicated to Konoha and her way of life-"

"Which makes Ishi a dedicated revolutionary," Hiruzen grumbled, "How much of a problem is this liable to be?"

"He can't act directly through Sakura-chan, or influence her actions in any way. She talks to her imaginary friend, and he talks back, Sakura doesn't even recognize that he's not just a fleshed-out imaginary friend."

"Options?"

"I could try to remove him from her mind, but we'd risk killing her or crippling her by altering her mind that deeply. Even if she remains physically unchanged, it could unbalance her spiritual energy, complicating her future use of chakra."

"Not ideal, can we leverage Ishi in any other way."

"I'm not sure if making Sakura less loyal would make him more trustworthy," Inoichi shook his head, "And even if it worked, reducing a ninja with agency of her own to improve a potential asset without agency is counterproductive.

Hiruzen leaned back in his chair and puffed his pipe several times, "Killing Ishi might kill Sakura. We can't remove Sakura from her team without alienating the other members, and making her a civilian or overtly hindering her would just open her up to Ishi's influence. Telling an adolescent girl that her imaginary friend is secretly an anarchist who wants to destroy the village would be a waste of time. We may just have to ingratiate her to the village and keep a close eye on her."

"My conclusion as well, Hogake-sama."

"Is there anything else?"

"No, that's the gist of it."

The elderly man's head and shoulders sank for several moments before he took a deep breath and straightened in his seat and spoke decisively, "Leave the files here. Kakashi should be here soon for my decision on him and his team. Thank you for your work and have a nice day."

"You as well, Hokage-sama" Inoichi answered before placing three folders on the Hokage's desk and leaving.

Hiruzen Sarutobi sat in silence for half an hour, paging through the psychiatric evaluations of team 7, as well as several intelligence reports that he had received over the past few days.

Half an hour later, the office door creaked open as Kakashi popped his head in and preemptively apologized, "I'm sorry I'm late Hokage-sama, but I had to take several detours to avoid going near any stairs."

"It's fine, Kakashi-kun, just sit down."

Nodding along, Kakashi sat down in one of the chairs in front of the Hokage's desk.

"Your team's psychological and medical evaluations are in, and both are good enough to allow them to resume their duties as shinobi-"

"Excellent," Kakashi interrupted, "I'll start their training back up when we meet tomorrow."

"-But," Sarutobi continued, " There is a problem."

"What did Sakura do now?" Kakashi sighed.

"Nothing," Sarutobi responded as he slid a document across his desk, "It's what you did. Congratulations on your new threat assessment."

"S-rank? Bijuu levels of chakra? Mastery of Mass-Clone techniques? Army-killer?" Kakashi read in shock.

"Yes, Kakashi-kun, you've received an S-rank threat assessment in every Bingo-book that matters, and your bounty has grown to reflect that."

"So..." Kakashi drawled expectantly, "What exactly is the problem?"

The elderly ninja sighed, "Every single time a ninja reaches S-rank, the same thing happens. The next time you leave the village, Bounty hunters and assassins are going to try to take you out. Since you aren't actually an S-rank ninja, they may actually succeed, especially if you have to protect your genin team."

"That's a surprisingly big problem."

"It gets worse," the Hokage shot back, "If you are defeated without a sufficiently legendary conflict, then people will start to question the strength of Konoha ninja: if our S-rank ninja are only as strong as a typical A-rank ninja, what does that say about the rest of our shinobi?"

"Thats-"

"And what's more," Sarutobi cut in, "Since your ascension to S-rank was made on a devastating defeat of Suna shinobi, if you fall in the next few months, not only will our reputation be crushed, but so will our greatest allies, destabilizing the balance of power to the level that someone willtry to invade either us or them, sparking the 4th great shinobi war."

"...What do you suggest I do?" Kakashi asked.

"I suggest nothing, your actions represent Konoha as a whole now, so until you manage to satisfy me that you are S-rank, you will not leave this village."

"But that could take years!" Kakashi protested.

"Fortunately for you," the Hokage continued, "This isn't the first time Konoha has needed to accelerate a shinobi's growth. For the next several weeks or months, depending on how quickly you learn, you will undergo intensive training. Jiraiya-kun is in town, and if you ask him nicely, he may be willing to give you some advice or help in your goal. Your genin team, in the interests of helping them reintegrate with their peers, will take part in several joint training exercises with genin on other teams as part of their recovery. While you will still meet with them every evening to stay apprised of their training, their education will be supplemented so as to free up your time."

"What exactly will I be training?" the confused jonin asked, "My physical attributes? My jutsu? Situational awareness?"

"That, Kakashi-kun, is what we will be deciding right now." Hiruzen said with a grin as he pulled a large and familiar scroll from under his desk.


AN: I'm still alive, and so is this story, even if my update schedule is...quixotic. So don't give up on me yet.

That said, feel free to guess how Hiruzen is going to get Kakashi to S-rank, or how Team 7 will take their sensei ditching them for super-secret training.