DISCLAIMER: I own nothing

CHAPTER 29

Staring down at the feet which were silently moving in the direction of his apartment Tommy had to wonder if this was how he would spend the rest of his life, blindly moving forward, never aware of the life going on around him, forever hiding from the ghosts that haunted him

Closing his eyes as his feet continued to rise and fall he couldn't believe that at one point today he had almost convinced himself that this past year maybe hadn't been for nothing, that maybe it had been something that he had to experience in order to reach this point of realisation about his life- the things he could live with, and the things he couldn't live without

Stuffing his hands into the pockets of his jeans and keeping his eyes glued to his black boots he fought the burn of tears as he struggled to cope with the crippling sense of loss once more

How could she leave him again, after everything that she said?

That song… she'd said she needed him, she'd sung the fact that the song was her attempt at saying sorry for everything that she had done and on the beach she had looked him in the eyes and told him that her feelings for him had never changed, and yet she'd gone. She'd said those things and filled him with some kind of insane optimism and then she'd walked out on him again.

Kat had told him that Kim had made the decision to go before she had spoken with her and Tommy had come to believe it was the truth. He didn't know what had happened but somehow she had decided that they weren't worth fighting for and he was left wondering if maybe she had a point. So he hadn't chased her to the airport as Kat had mocked him that he would, he hadn't called Jason to find out was going on, instead he had left his precious car parked outside the motel and he had started his long, lonely walk home and battled with the truth every step of the way

"I like your shirt"

Raising his eyes for the first time since he had walked out of the car park, Tommy hadn't even realised that he had reached his destination let alone that he had company.

Rising slowly from the steps that lead off of the street and up to Tommys apartment Kim flashed him a nervous smile as she straightened out her dress. Tommys mind buzzed as he openly stared at the beautiful cream, silk garment,it had the most intricate, green, floral design.

Green and cream… it was beautiful. She as always, was beautiful, only not his beautiful… not anymore

Shrugging, he replied

"I like your dress"

And then he dropped his eyes again and walked past her and up the cement steps whilst pulling his key chain from his pocket. Opening the door he walked silently into the building, never inviting her inside but making no attempt to shut the door in her face either

Leaning against the wooden door frame Kim called into the darkened hallway

"Can I come in or shall I just yell from out here?"

"Do what you like Kimberly, you usually do"

Tommys voice didn't hide the weariness that he felt, he was emotionally exhausted, if Kim had come back for one final showdown he didn't know if he had the energy to participate this time

Sighing at the mess she had once again made, Kimberly slowly headed down the darkened hallway and into the living room, where she found Tommy standing with his back to her, gazing into the empty fire place

Sighing again, Kim found her voice breaking the silence before she was even sure of where to begin

"So… I guess you've figured out by now that everything you've thought of me this last year was right"

"That you're childish and selfish you mean?"

Kim wrapped her arms around herself, as though attempting to protect herself from Tommys words

"That you run at the first opportunity and you've developed this really nasty habit of taking the easy way out of everything"

"Nothing I've done this year has been easy"

Tommy suddenly turned his body to face her and she was surprised to see that he didn't look angry, or upset…in fact all Kim could see on his face was exhaustion.

"Write it, send it, forget it- sounds easy enough to me Kimberly"

"It wasn't easy and I never forgot… I never forgot you Tommy"

Tommys face crumpled into a look of disbelief but his voice remained as calm and steady as it had since she showed up unexpectedly on his door step

"Oh so you didn't forget to call, I guess that means that you just decided not to bother then huh?"

"I didn't think you'd want to speak to me"

"You didn't think that I would want an explanation after everything we'd been through?"

The first flames of temper wrapped them self around Tommys words as Kimberly felt her whole body go tense in anticipation of the years worth of emotions that she sure would soon be heading her way , but she deserved this, it could have been so different, if she hadn't tried to run again they could have carried on from where they had left off on the beach, but she'd proven herself to be everything that that he had spent a year convincing himself that she was and now they were back to square one

"I'm sorry I did everything wrong, but I'm here now Tommy"

Taking a step closer Kim tried to hold his gaze, begging him with her eyes to see how this situation was tearing her apart, how living without him had caused her to make all kinds of terrible decisions but his eyes simply fell to the floor where he tapped his foot in some nervous rhythm and when he spoke the fire had gone from his voice and in it's place was ice water

"Yeah well now is too late Kim, all of this is too late, it doesn't matter what we say, what's done is done and now, it's just all too late"

"Tommy, it's not. We can talk about this, you can yell at me if you like, we can work this out"

A simple shake of the head was his desolate reply

"I thought after everything that happened…"

"You thought after everything it was okay to just leave?"

"…I came back"

"You were going to go, and I was beginning to accept it… again, and now here you are… again, and I don't know what you want from me because if you want a yelling match, you're a year too late and if you want to make things okay- then you're a year too late for that too"

Kim released her arms slightly and then crossed them tightly over her chest

"You don't mean that"

"How can you expect anything different?"

Crossing his own arms over his chest Tommy pulled his white shirt tight and the bottom separated to reveal his navel. Noticing immediately, Kimberly found herself chewing on her bottom lip in an attempt to stop herself from drooling

"Tommy I'm sorry"

"Don't you ever get sick of saying that to me?"

"I've made a lot of mistakes recently, I guess that means I've got a lot to be sorry for"

"Fine, I accept your apology, now you can go back to Florida with a clear conscience"

Shaking her head Kim took a step backwards and dropped down onto his cool, leather sofa, looking up at him as he towered over her she covered her face with her hands as she begged

"Tommy, please don't be like this, please don't let all the progress we've made be for nothing"

"What do you want me to do?"

"I want you to tell me what's going on in your head"

Turning his back to her, Tommys quiet words hit her as though he had yelled them in her face

"What makes you think I can trust you with that anymore?"

"Because deep down you know me" she whispered

"I doubt I ever did" Tommy sounded more as though he was talking to himself than he was talking to her, but in an instant Kim was back on her feet and her hand was wrapped tightly around his forearm, pulling him around to face her

"Tommy, you're the only one who has ever known me, the real me. I know I've done some terrible things, I know I've hurt you but you have got to believe that what we had was real, I knew you… you knew me"

"How can I believe anything? Don't you see that's the problem? I believed you before Kim, I trusted you with everything and I believed every word you said, but you lied, and I didn't know it. If I didn't know it then how can I trust a word you say now?"

The fire was back in Tommys voice and Kimberly quickly released his arm and took a step back -but she never once broke eye contact

"I was lost and confused"

"Didn't you think that maybe I felt the same?"

"You still had everyone, I had no one!"

"You had me! …only that wasn't enough, was it?"

"I don't know what to say Tommy, I don't know how to explain things to make this okay, just know that I would never purposely hurt you"

"YOU ALREADY DID!"

This time it was Tommy who took a step closer

"Look at me Kim, look at me- look what you did"

"I thought it was my only option!"

One tear escaped but was quickly followed by another, and another…

"I didn't know how to live like everyone else was… without you, I thought Lucas could help me to forget, I explained this, I thought you understood!"

"I thought I was beginning to, until you walked out on me again"

"I thought I was doing the right thing, Tanya said if I cared about you I would stop hurting you and just leave. I am so tired of hurting people Tommy. Every time I think I'm doing the right thing it turns out to be the wrong thing but I never meant to hurt you any more than I already had and I didn't mean to hurt Katherine or your team…"

Kimberly heaved the heavy air between them into her chest in an attempt to calm herself as she wiped her fingers along her lower lids- trying to wipe away her tears without smudging her mascara

"After Tanya left, I thought about things for ages, everything I'd done, everything I wanted… I figured that at the end of the day what I wanted didn't matter anymore, after everything I'd put you through I just had to do the right thing by you, and I started to convince myself that maybe doing the right thing by you meant staying for once. Then Katherine turned up and she was so angry and upset. She blamed me for you guys breaking up and I just I felt so terrible that I had caused you both so much more pain I had to go. Don't you see, not being around is the only way I can guarantee that I wont hurt you"

"But you came back"

"I was scared if I left this time I would lose you for good, Tommy, I can't lose you"

They both stood in silence as the air burned white hot between them

"I'm sorry about you and Katherine"

"I guess in the end I'm just as bad as you huh?"

"Don't say that" Her words were little more than a breath

"I'm stood yelling at you when I've just gone and done the exact same thing. Kat didn't do anything but care about me"

Closing her eyes, tears of regret slid down her cheeks

"Sometimes it's just not enough"

"But I wanted it to be enough! I wanted it to be the same. I wanted to look into her eyes and just feel it, I tried so hard… do you know how easy this would all be if I could just feel something for somebody else?"

Throwing his head back Tommy stared at the white ceiling and sighed.

Why could he never feel anything for anyone other than her?

Why hadn't his feelings diminished, even after all of this time?

"You can't make yourself feel something that you don't Tommy"

Immediately his head snapped back down and he stared at her

"I guess you should know all about that"

"Yeah I should, I tried so hard to love Lucas, I threw myself into it completely, just hoping and praying every day that at some point I would look at him and feel it… that feeling I felt when I first saw you in the youth centre… the same feeling I get even now, but all I ever felt was cheap for selling myself out… for selling us out. I don't know what this is Tommy but I can't stop it, I've tried so hard"

"This has to end"

Tommys eyes were closed as he spoke, he couldn't bare to see Kim so fragile, baring the truth of her soul to him in a way that made him want to give in and hold her. No good could come of this, too much damage had been done, the distance she had put between them was too great

"…I still love you though"

Her voice was tiny and tear soaked and it immediately broke Tommys heart into a million pieces and then set a fire in his soul.

Without thinking, Tommy stepped forward and wrapped an arm around Kimberlys tiny waist, he felt her tense with surprise but he ignored it and pulled her towards him, lowering his head and pressing his lips to hers, he felt Kim half-heartedly attempt to pull away but the feel of her lips on his after all this time was too intense to lose this quickly so he held her tighter, enjoying the sensation of her body relaxing and then her arms wrapping themselves around his neck.

The kiss was a year over due, and both Tommy and Kimberly clung to it, and to each other as though it may be their last, but eventually they broke apart. Their faces were flushed with the heat of the moment, and their lips tingled with the electricity they had always shared

"Tommy…"

"I needed to know"

"Know what?"

"If it still felt the same"

"And? …Tommy!"