Title: One Soul Condemned To Heaven And Hell {29-60}
Author: Emono
Rating: FRM
Fandom: Supernatural/RPS
Pairings: Sam/Jared, Dean/Jensen, Castiel/Ryan
Disclaimer: I do not own the souls of J2, or Sam…or Dean…or anyone…not even my own *le sigh* It's all Kripke and McG, the lucky bastards
Beta: gil_follower
Warnings: Post-Hell!Dean, very AU, SLASH!!, post-Season 3, Demon!Sam (sort of), whumping, angst, OOC-ness, SPOILERS!!!!

As soon as Jensen and Jared entered the room the tension nearly choked them. The older actor dropped the Wal-Mart bag by the door, his eyes dancing between his lover and his guardian angel. Neither looked injured, but weighted down by something not completely physical. Sam looked completely consumed, though by what neither could pinpoint one exact emotion.

Jensen opened his mouth to speak, but Dean gestured him closer. He obeyed, knowing the intense attention wasn't for him. He took his place by the older Winchester's side, a warm hand on his lower back the only thing that grounded him. He knew right then everything was about to change, for the better…

Well, he just couldn't say.

Jared closed the door behind him, the first leaf-like tremors working though his limbs. Sam was looking at him with a raw fascination, as if seeing him for the first time. Dean seemed discontent, but kept his jaw firmly shut. Castiel's intense lapis eyes were upon him, unraveling every bit of nerve he possessed. It was a little overwhelming…the spot between his shoulder blades began to tingle. He quickly chalked it up to phantom pain, unwilling to travel down that road again.

"Jared" Castiel held out a hand, beckoning him closer "Come here. We have…much to discuss."

Jared obeyed reluctantly, "He's not coming back, is he? You did kill Xander, didn't you?"

"Yes, but this is about you" Castiel assured him, taking him by the elbow and leading him to the bed "Please…sit down."

"Christ, this is bad, isn't it?" no sooner did the words spill from his lips did he realize what he said, clapping a hand over his mouth "Shit, I didn't mean…uh, sorry?"

Castiel waved it off, "It's alright, Jared."

"No it isn't!" Jared huffed "It's bad enough I still say shit like that while knowing God exists, let alone…I mean, you're an angel!"

"Hush" Castiel knelt before him like a knight, staring up into his eyes with a gentle-passive look on his face "Jared…you must know that God loves you. You are His child, and his love is infinite. You must know that…He would not punish you for something so trivial."

Nile green eyes narrowed thoughtfully, "I know."

"Good" Castiel's tongue flicked over his lower lip, a too human sign of nervousness for one angel "When you were but a baby, Jared…there was an angel assigned to you."

"Really?" Jared's eyes lit up "Who was it? Where is he? Why didn't he-?"

Castiel held up a hand, silencing him.

"He was my brother, a dear friend…he was called Horatio" Castiel began, a brief shade of grief in his eyes "We were assigned together, a pair for the two of you. He was much more wise than I, born decades upon decades before myself. He was…very excited for the mission. He hadn't walked upon the earth in centuries, he had forgotten the danger."

Jared winced at this, but didn't speak.

"A demon came for you when you were not even a year old, his cowardice led him to your cribside in the middle of the night. Of course, Horatio appeared to protect you…" Castiel reached out, taking the actor's hand and lacing their fingers.

Jared jerked and gasped, the pain in his arm disappearing as tendons healed themselves.

"How did you…?"

"He fought for you, Jared, know that" Castiel's voice was firm "He would have won, but Horatio forgot that demons were horrible and would lower themselves to any means to satisfy their greed. I've never found out how, but the demon…bound my brother within his human vessel. No one knew anything was wrong, not even I."

Castiel squeezed his hand, "Horatio was stabbed to death like a mortal man there in front of you."

Jared thought he knew where this was going, "Don't tell me this. If this story ends like Sam's…don't…"

"No, no…sweetest Jared" Castiel raised his free hand, taking the boy's cheek in his palm "The demon never touched you. My brother did something no other has done before…he gave you the power to take care of yourself. He complete his mission…by leaking his Grace. You seemed to…absorb his essence into yourself. When I arrived, you had purified the demon."

Jared choked, "I…I couldn't have…"

"It is why all these things have been happening to you, because of what you are" Castiel's tone begged him to understand, dropping his hand from his face "You touched a ghost, soothing him with your voice. You entered Faerie when the others failed to. It's what all those creatures could sense in you, they can see it around you like a shield. It's why you weren't bombarded with demons like my Jensen was, like the Winchesters were. This power inside you is why you can melt candle holders, burn demons, burn Samuel if you so wish it…why Xander's hands flamed at the touch of you. It is why you could wrap your hand around Dean's throat and he not stop you, he knew you would not hurt him. When Sam uses his demon blood, it is the reason you flinch and feel so livid."

Jared closed his eyes briefly, "And Amber…?"

"You stopped a soul from destroying innocent lives" Castiel assured him "She was so angry, and you were the only one who could help her. Her soul was drawn down to you…and you put her into Peace. You guided a soul onto the next life, Jared. It is what you are destined for, it is a gift from God."

"It's a curse" Jared spat, tossing the angel's hand away. He stood, pushing his way past the others. He stormed over to the far wall, arms crossed over his chest and head ducked. His shoulder blades were burning, and now the true nature of the pain scared him. Castiel's words seemed to explain it all…but…he couldn't be an angel. Out of all the things he'd done in his life, all the people he'd…

Jared couldn't be an angel, he just…couldn't.

Being a demon would have been more accurate.

"What does this…" Jared raised his head, blinking back tears and clearing his throat like he was choking on his words "What does this make me?"

Dean spoke up, "Half-angel."

"Half…?" Jared couldn't even get out the rest of the words, unable to even think it. He stared up at the ugly motel wallpaper, following the swirls of the cheap design idly. This couldn't be real, there was no way. Angel's were righteous and pure…like Castiel. They were beautiful and flawless, perfect Soldiers of the Almighty. Jared had never even believed in God until a few months ago.

"God has never wanted me before" Jared half-turned, giving the angel a filthy look "My whole life I've never felt or done anything like this. Why is all this starting now?"

"Samuel, has…jump-started my brother's instincts inside of you" Castiel rose from his knees gracefully "It's awoken the angel, as well as your recent encounters with the supernatural. That's why you've been at unease for so long."

"So what if I've done all those things?" Jared snapped, going on defense "It could be nothing, all flukes! You don't know all the things I've done in my life! I'm an actor, not an Angel of the Lord."

There was a pulse of relief down his spine, a part of the pain unknotting itself.

Sam swallowed thickly, "Oh Jared…"

Jared's brow creased, "What?"

Castiel's lips curled, "Do you not feel it?"

The actor stared down at his hands, panicking, "Am I glowing?"

Jensen was clinging to his lover in a near painful way, "…oh my God…"

A sick feeling settled in Jared's gut, he knew what they saw. He carefully looked over his shoulder, eyes widening comically. Shadows on the wall…they protruded from his back, extending along the entire length of wall. Wings shadows…though smaller in comparison to those of Castiel. Jared released a whimper, ripping his eyes away from the sight as if it burned him.

They were gone in a flash, the Heavens opening outside and pouring forth their remorse upon the Earth. The rain broke up the shadows on the wall, the wing forms disappearing. Jared shoved down the power, the frightening force that threatened to consume him. He couldn't accept it…not now, not ever. He didn't deserve such an honor, he didn't deserve such a curse.

"Let me sleep on it" Jared rasped, tongue dry "I can't deal with it all right now."

"Of course" Castiel stepped back, a physical sign to show he wouldn't push such an issue "Rest, all of you…you deserve it."

Thunder rolled outside, the angel disappeared with a flutter of shadow.

Sam advanced on his lover, "An angel…damn, Jay."

Jared flinched away from the taller man's arms, he couldn't bear his touch right now. Sam watched his lover all but duck into the corner, as if the last thing he wanted was to be near him. It hurt the Winchester's heart, but he couldn't fight him.

"I'm tired" Jared bit out, barely contained in his own skin "Can we just…sleep?"

"We're all tired, Jare" Jensen nodded, trying to comply to his best friend's decision to shove it all down. If he was going slather on the denial and forget it, they would too. At least until morning…then they would all have to face it.

You couldn't ignore the Almighty…he tended to get pissed.

()

The rain pitter-pattered upon the motel, plummeting the roof and pavement. It was a cleansing rain, washing away the past sins of such a place. It ran the lingering grease and other fluid down storm drains, flaking off all the loose paint that clung to the walls. The classic car in the parking lot got a good rinsing, dark paint gleaming in the catch of street lights.

Jared lay on one of the cheap motel beds, flat on his stomach and beneath the covers. He caressed his Cartier bracelet with a genuine fondness, wrists crossed beneath the pillow. He was cold, the deep kind of wintry feeling that stung your bones. Between nightmares and ghosts, he was always so cold. Through the heat that was supposed to cling to western states, the chill always found him at night. The rain echoed above his head, the rhythm constant but uneven.

Jared had been wide awake for the past two hours, long after the others had gone to sleep. He kept fiddling with his bracelet, his eyes flickering every so often to it's mate that rested around his lover's wrist. His mind wouldn't shut up, no matter how much he willed it to. He kept mulling over his life, sifting through the mulch and detritus with desperate hands. What had he done for this? After everything he'd done in his life, the shadow of wings should not have appeared on that wall.

There are things he'd done that he had never told anyone. Things his own mother didn't know about him…things Jensen and the Winchesters would never suspect him of. Surely Castiel knew? Did Castiel not see…did no one see?

When Jared turned seventeen, his father cut his allowance off and told him to start looking for a job and an apartment. Jared was literally thrown out of his own home, the streets of Texas rough for a young boy. He couldn't make enough money to put down a minimum payment on even the crappiest apartment, not with the odd jobs he could get without his diploma. He slept out of his truck for two weeks before he came up with a solution.

He was pretty enough…and men got desperate for a bit of forbidden between work hours and supper time.

Jared got lost for an entire year among seedy clubs and bathroom stalls, on his knees for men he'd never know the names or faces of. Some were professional, most were just rough. It was a sad time in his life when he wished for nothing more than a meek client who just wanted to get lost for an hour. One hundred bucks a fuck, forty for a blowjob. He made good money, and acquired some serious skills very quickly (only the rare client liked virgin-acts.) Jared even picked up several female clients. Those cougars were always the worst. The housewives who invited him into their homes for a raunchy dominant kick before dumping a handful of bills into his lap and kicking him out.

Even when he saved up enough to go to LA and get an apartment, he couldn't pull himself away from that kind of life. As he got small acting and modeling jobs, he no longer needed to hand himself out for money. Instead…he started doing it for free. It eased the loneliness in his heart when he was in a stranger's lap, a hard cock or soft breasts pressed against him. He used to go to more than three clubs a night, getting into as many people as people. Meaningless strangers…that's the touch he had craved. People who took him at face value and wanted exactly what he wanted. Maybe he did it for control, maybe knowing that he could wind up someone and leave them had been a kink of his for a while there.

God…Jared groaned softly and buried his head in the pillow. He hadn't been old enough for those clubs! A right touch and an eye flutter had him in, that or sneaking in with a group of people. It was never perfect, never what he truly craved. But he just kept passing himself around among the faceless, smiling people in hopes one day his hunger would be satisfied. It never was. It had always ended the same. He would end up staggering back to his apartment, reeking of sex and booze. Ruffled clothes, blood shot eyes staring back at him in the bathroom mirror…pathetic.

He'd been tied up, licked, fucked every which way and bent over every surface you could think of.

Then he got an agent who told him right out that if he continued this kind of lifestyle he would never get a good role. It took almost two years, but he quit that kind of life like a nicotine addiction. He started getting better roles, appearing on TV for real. Gilmore Girls came around, then movies, and soon enough…

He met Sam, and that started a whole 'nother story.

Jared eased out of bed, mindful of his sleeping lover. He started pulling on one of his "certain" outfits, keeping his eye son his hands or on the floor. Jared couldn't even look at Sam, not with the knowledge of what he was about to do. But he had to force himself for one second, just one last thing. Jared hovered over the bed, brushing copper strands out of the taller man's face before dropping a kiss on his forehead.

"I'm no angel…" Jared murmured into his skin "…and you're not a demon."

He would show Castiel he wasn't an angel, he would show them all. He was limited, unfit to bear wings. He had hoped to hide his past, to bury the creature that lived inside him…but he had to prove they were lying. There was a mistake, that was all. He was probably just channeling Sam's power, like static discharge from their connection. The shadow's were a trick of the light, that ghost had been wrong.

"You're a…you're an angel, aren't you? Come to punish me?"

"I didn't want to hurt anyone, Angel of Mercy, I swear!"

Jared slipped out of the room, determination etched into his eyes.

He would show God he was wrong, even if no one else would.

TBC

'Cause ya knowIt's all about us (It's all about us)