Chapter Twenty Eight

Cody kept his eyes glued to swirls of green, pink, black and orange carpeting. Huddled under Randy's jacket as he nursed a hot, tall cup of coffee and shuddered each time as the warm liquid went down his throat and soothed his nervous stomach as they continued waiting for Jason to come back with a room key. He blinked slowly, trying to block out the feeling of Randy standing behind him and as he took sip after sip. Fuck he was nervous. Randy was so silent behind him, only yawning from time to time after breaking away from Adam who was busy on his phone, obviously with John as he explained their whereabouts and nodded over and over. He hadn't expected to see Randy's friend's that day and he'd been more than surprised when they'd met Randy at the hospital as they were leaving. It was crazy; they met, spoke briefly and before Cody knew what was going on they were sneaking everyone into Adams car within the shadows of the parking garage and took off. And he couldn't help but notice that they left Randy prized Bentley behind. And Justin didn't follow.

It all seemed to happen to fast (just like everything else in his life) and he didn't know who exactly but it was someone's idea to get a room at a casino along the strip, intending on paying cash so they would stay off radar and disappeared into the masses that crowded Las Vegas streets on a Saturday night.

Sure it sounded foolish to stick around in the same town run by the very monster they were trying to hide from. They should just leave right? Wrong. If they were spotted attempting to actually LEAVE town by anyone, and it was a sure bet they would be, it was ALL over. Michael would kill every last one of them before they ever had a chance to see it coming and Cody was sure of it. The rest of them may not have known Michael that well but Cody sure as hell did and if they were going to skip town then they were on their own.

But, thankfully, they weren't doing that. They were just hiding out. Or so Cody gathered from the bits and pieces of the conversation he'd managed to overhear.

As Cody sat pressed between the wall and an imaginary bubble he'd placed around Randy he'd almost passed out. Despite having a good two days of rest he was still ready to drop and sleep for another two fucking days. Or three. Or a week. He was really too tired to care. Thankfully though Jason had presented him with a tall cup from Starbucks and he perked right up when he happily took it without even asking what it was. Who fucking cared right? Coffee was Coffee when you haven't had any in a while! He was so relieved. It was just what he needed and it did lift him up some. The world seemed a little brighter for a moment. The amazing power of a good cup of joe! He was feeling it, relaxing and as he savored the sweet drink he loved so much.

That is, until suddenly he realized that he should be dead and dropped his head to hide and kept it there for rest of the ride.

For some reason that horrible thought just kept coming back to him over and over...And over. He should be dead. He should be dead. He should be dead... He should be cold and lifeless, half prepared to be shoved into a box so he could lay buried and forgotten. Or fuck what if this was his worst night mare? What if he was dead and was in fact lying in the city morgue and he was officially in hell?-?-? He was fucking stuck in the miserable life he was trying to escape?-!

Okay, so that was little crazy. But he wasn't really in his right mind as of late and with the torture of sitting so close to Randy, it sure seemed like it. In fact it sure as shit felt like hell.

And it felt that way because, Randy just had to hate him! He'd done such horrible things to him that Rand nor anyone else could ever forgive! For starters he'd fucking drugged him the first night in the T-Strip. Not enough to fuck him up but it was just enough to loosen him up and get his body burning with need so that when he went down on him, Randy let him. Then as if he wasn't terrible enough he'd laughed at him behind his back and was excited by the fact that he was going to ruin his life. He'd been THAT screwed up and now Randy fucking knew it. He made a complete fool out of him and loved it and Randy fucking knew it.

That alone made him hate his own existence all over again. He just wanted to fucking die he was so disgusted with himself. And the was hopeless. There was no fixing this. There was no way to undo the horrible things he'd done and even if Randy wouldn't admit it Randy must hate after everything he'd told him and Cody just couldn't bare knowing that. He'd never wanted him to know how bad it really was because it would just crush him all over again. And it had. He'd seen it on his face.

Fuck and this shit just wasn't fair! Randy thought he didn't even care! But he did care. He loved Randy, he still does! And yes he was playing him at first but it only took a short while for him to see the error of his ways and everything from that point on had been completely genuine.

Not all of what they had was a lie and their special moments were special to him. Randy had no idea how special. And with how silent Randy was being towards him now, he highly doubted he'd ever have the chance to tell him.

Not that it would do them much good anyway. After all Randy had someone else in his life now...Someone else that would treat him a whole hell of a lot better than he ever had.

His heart was aching by the time they pulled into yet another parking garage and upon snapping his head up he learned to his dismay that they were at the one hotel he'd really hoped they wouldn't be and almost let out a pained groaned.

It was the fucking Rio.

Fuck of course it was the fucking Rio. And of course the first room key Jason collected from the front desk didn't work! Of course they all had to stand in the hallway and wait for him to return to a new one!

He bit back a sigh as he chewed his lip and dared to look around for a second; Oh god could this get any worse?-! Fuck he was so tired! And embarrassed! Everyone was acting so oddly nice to him because of what he'd done and he could just feel them judging him. Or so he was assuming every time Adam or Jason gave him a warm smile or asked if he was comfortable. And they were very kind to be so accepting but at the same time they fucking knew he'd tried to kill himself and the pity in their eyes was nauseating. He didn't fucking want their pity! He didn't want anyone's fucking pity! They didn't know shit about what he'd been threw and even if they did they just wouldn't understand why he did what he did. To be honest he was just of suffering but there were just so many contributing factors. Shawn's death coupled with the fact that he thought Randy hated him and wanted him dead was what finally broke him when he thought about it. Losing Shawn had weakened him and then Randy's messages came in and...And fuck that was just too much. And besides all that horribleness and being cooped up in the Underground he was also practically living on the streets. Except of course for when he rented his ass or mouth out for money for a fucking hotel room. Nothing to be proud of about that.

And, as if things weren't fucked enough, he was pretty sure Christopher was about to kill him anyway. After all he was really of no use to Michael anymore since Randy was securely under his thumb now and Andrew, his only high paying client, didn't want to use him anymore on account of he was too "depressed" during their last session. So. Fuck it right?

It sounded pathetic; dramatic even. But fuck Michael took everything away from him. Fucking EVERYTHING. And the scariest part about it was that the sick bastard was only getting started. And Cody knew that to be a fact because he'd seen Michael tear people down to nothing and stuff them into the Underground until they were completely "unusable" and put down like fucking dogs. He'd been there when he fucking did it! He'd washed their blood out of his clothes!

No. No one would understand why he did what he did unless they'd seen what he'd seen or gone through the hell he'd endured! They just wouldn't understand! They couldn't possibly! They could just stop giving him that fucking look though. That sad, careful stare that only lasted seconds at a time.

Fuck he hated that.

"Room's all yours for the week." Jason's voice took him off guard and he snapped his head back up with a puzzled frown. Did he just hear him right? He had the room for a whole WEEK? That just couldn't be right!

"Sorry it took me so long, the idiot behind the counter forgot to activate the first card and it took him forever to get this one done." Jason was holding a shiny white key-card out for him to take and he did but, very slowly, his eyes dancing about the blond suspiciously. Why would he do something so nice for him?-?-?

"Wow really? For the whole week?" He just couldn't believe it. A room at the Rio for a whole week was really fucking expensive! Like, SERIOUSLY expensive and if this was more pity they'd gone too far! He just wouldn't accept this! "That's very generous of you but I don't have the money to pay you back." And he wouldn't have the money any time soon either! He was fucking BROKE and if Michael found out about what he'd tried to do to himself he'd be even worse off than he already was! And yes, that was a certainty when it came to Michael. An absolute certainty.

"That's okay, we didn't pay for it." Adam chimed in with a wide smile, "Randy did."

Cody's eyes widened. He did?-! He turned and gave Randy a surprised look who nodded but otherwise remained silent. "Oh..." In fact Randy had been silent for quite a while now, ever since they left the hospital to be exact and that was well over an hour ago. "Th-Thank you." And they hadn't spoken much before that either. Besides the brief conversation when Randy first arrived and Cody broke his heart all over again.

Randy nodded silently again before leaning back against the wall and crossed his arms and gave both Jason and Adam a pointed look.

"Yeah yeah yeah we're going." Jason dismissed him and Cody felt the friendly blonds hand come to rest on his shoulder and jerked back around, relaxing when he was met with a warm, wide smile and kind soft blue eyes. "Hey you should know that you don't need to worry about the money when it comes to us. This is all on the Las Vegas police department so don't even think about it okay? Just consider it restitution for all the shit you endured because of our incompetence on the Mizanin case." He gave his shoulder a tender pat before his hand fell away and he nodded gracefully. "We've fucked this shit up from the beginning and seriously we're more than happy to help to try and make things right because if anyone deserves restitution, it would be you."

Jason had a point but, Cody still frowned; what the fuck?-! "How would you know that?" Seriously why was Jason talking to him like he knew him? Like they were friends?-! They'd only just officially met so how could he know one damn thing about him?-! Seriously what the FUCK was going on?-!

"Aw shit man I'm sorry. I forget that you don't know me like I know you. Tristan told me quite a lot about you." Jason admitted with a nod, "And Randy talks about you all the time."

"Jason." Randy suddenly growled, "Shouldn't you be leaving now?"

Cody gulped and dropped his eyes back to the floor for several second to keep himself in check. He wanted to fucking scream! Randy and Tristan had been talking about him? Oh god that...That was just wrong! And for some reason it hurt too!

"Yep!" Jason smiled as he stepped back and put his arm around Adam, nodding to his lover before they turned to go. "Call us tomorrow guys!" Adam said over his shoulder, "Get some sleep!"

Cody swallowed hard as he watched them get further and further away before disappearing completely when they turned the corner and just stood there, his heart pounding. Fuck he was nervous before but now he was literally fucking shaking! What was Randy still doing there?-! Didn't he want to get home and talk about him some more?-! He bit back a bitter scoff as he looked down at the plastic card in his hand, staring at it blankly. Shit. Now what? His plan hadn't worked out and he honestly never felt so lost in his entire life! He should be dead! Not standing there wondering what the fuck came next and freaking out that Randy and fucking Tristan were talking about him!

Fuck fuck FUCK!

"You need help?" Randy asked, his tone gentle and oddly soft; and yet, it still startled him. Why was Randy being so nice him? Didn't he hate him now that he knew the truth?-! Didn't he want to get home to fucking TRISTAN?-! "I got it." He said and slipped the card into the lock and held it till it beeped before trying the handle and opened the door. "Thanks for the room by the way." Was this Randy "taking care of it"? He got him a room for the week? Fuck he could at least tell him what the fuck was going on!

"Don't mention it." Randy replied as they went inside and Cody kept his head down as he fumbled for the light switch on the wall. "It's not permanent but I should have something better worked out by the end of the week."

"You don't have to do that." Seriously Randy didn't owe him anything and he didn't have to stick around if he didn't want to. He got him the room for the week and that was plenty of time for him to come up with something on his own. Like going back to the Underground where he was going to end up soon anyway...

He found the light and flinched as it filled the room; fuck that hurt his eyes. It was just so fucking bright. He pried his eyes open and looked around quickly. Yep. Just like before. There were several silver spiral light fixtures along fresh beige colored walls that squared in to make a rather large room with a kitchenette and black leathers couches. From the smell of cleanser he could tell the carpet was freshly cleaned and it showed, the floor almost sparkling white without a single stain and not a single fiber out of place. It looked just like the room they'd shared the last time they were there together.

Shit.

Of course it did.

"I don't mind." He heard Randy say as his eyes started to adjust and he caught the sight of a tall door along the longest wall between fixtures and frowned. Adjoining rooms?-! He shook his head, chewing his lip for a moment and tore his eyes away from the door before he screamed at it. "Really, you shouldn't bother. I'm sure I can find something on my own by then." He said although he was desperately fighting the urge to turn around and leave right the fuck now. Fuck the room looked almost exactly like the last room they'd shared together the last time he was there and if Randy was staying he was seriously going to freak the fuck out. Because shit being there would be hard enough but knowing he'd be so close to Randy while he didn't get to have him would surely do him in again. It was just a torture he couldn't bare!

"Actually...Um... I'm trying to get you a place in the Witness Protection Program so I need you to stay put for a while." Randy informed in a hesitant but, hopeful tone, "I know it sounds pretty out there but, you'd be safe there."

Cody froze, his eyes widening. What the fuck the witness protection program?-! THAT was Randy's plan?-! THAT's how he was going to "take care of it"?-! Randy was going to just...SEND HIM AWAY?-!

"No thanks." He bit back another bitter scoff, "You don't have to do that Randy. I can take care of myself." Fuck the witness protection program! Michael would find him and his death would be so much worse than if he stayed and faced it. And besides that he wasn't about to let Randy send him away like that. If he wanted him out of his life then so be it! But he sure as fuck wasn't going into hiding to accomplish that!

"I'm sorry but you don't have a choice." Randy's voice was low, afraid even; and rightfully so as Cody whirled around and glowered at him as hard as he could. What the fuck did Randy mean he had no choice?-! Randy couldn't make him do SHIT!

"Excuse me?-!" He questioned angrily, "I said no thank you!"

"Yes, I heard that and again, I'm sorry." Randy responded in the same fearful, low tone. But his eyes quickly brightening with genuine sincerity as if it would save him. It wouldn't. "But it doesn't change anything. Everything's about to go down with Mizanin and you don't need to be in the middle of all that when it finally does. Please just give it a try? You've suffered enough Cody and you know that the only way to keep you out of Michael's grasp is to put you where safe like the Witness Protection Program."

"Don't tell me what I know." Cody said before he rolled his eyes and let out a loud, exasperated sigh. Seriously Randy should just shut the fuck up because he wasn't fucking buying that! Randy just wanted to send him away without having to worry about the guilt! Not because he was worried about his safety!

"Look. Whatever." He snapped as he turned back around. He really didn't feeling like arguing with him when he was going to split just as soon as Randy DID leave. He spotted a sliding glass door and rushed towards it. Fuck he needed some air. He yanked open long dark brown curtains that hung down to the floor, relieved to see the sun had finally set before he glanced at the reflection of the other door to the "other room" in the glass and gave it a glare. Seriously if that was Randy's room..."Do whatever you want Randy." He told him sharply. "I don't give a shit." He fumbled with the lock, still starring at the door in the glass. If Randy didn't want to stay he didn't fucking have to! There was no need for an adjoining room!

"Are you mad at me?" Randy was suddenly grabbing his arm and it startled him so much that he whirled and jerked away instantly. And the hurt that flashed over Randy's face was almost shocking. Why did Randy even care?-!

"No," He lied with a slight glare, "I just don't like being told I don't have a choice. I've heard that enough!"

"Shit, I'm' sorry. I'm rushing you. I'm sorry I said that. You do have a choice. Of course you do. I'm just trying to keep you out of harms way and I don't have much time to do it. I know it's a drastic move but I wish you would at least think about it before you shoot it down."

"I don't need to think about it. I'm not going." He shrugged. "Simple as that."

"But why? Cody this could save you-"

"I don't-" He started to say he didn't care but stopped and thought better of it. "I don't want to talk about this right now."

Randy nodded quickly, "Yes. You're right. This is a bit much too soon. I'll give you some time to think about it."

Cody just nodded. His answer wasn't going to change but again, he really didn't want to argue with him when he was just going to split the first chance he got.

"Okay." Randy took a step back, a strange pale, defeat washing over his face and dulling his eyes. "We'll talk about it later." He stuffed his hands into his pockets, his gaze turning nervous. "Well I'll be in my room if you need me... "

Cody frowned, "Your room?" So Randy was staying?-! Fuck fuck FUCK!

"You didn't think I was going to leave you here alone, did you?-?-?"

"I don't know." He lied as he slowly set his coffee down on a small table he'd side stepped on the way to the door. The cup was just about empty anyway and if Randy was going to be grabbing him every time he walked away he had better set it down before he fucking threw it at him. "I hadn't really thought about it till now." That was obviously another lie but he honestly thought Randy would want to leave just as soon as he could. Fuck why wouldn't he want to leave? He'd only broken the poor guys heart TWICE.

"You sure you want to? I mean I'll be fine on my own..." Yeah right. But that wasn't Randy's concern anymore. After all Randy had Tristan now didn't he? He shouldn't even be there with him right now.

"Of course I'm sure I want to stay. I want to make sure that you're safe...And that you'll be okay."

Cody just nodded before turning away from him again and slipped Randy's jack from over his shoulders, folding it over his arm and subconsciously pulled it close to his chest as he eyed the door way of the bathroom now and again chewed on his lip for a moment. He could really use a hot shower and some time to himself. "I'll be fine." If Randy would just stop fucking torturing him and leave him the fuck alone! "You don't have to babysit me or anything Randy, I'm not going to do anything...Again."

Randy cleared his throat and he heard his voice cracking before he even began to talk, "I'm-I'm not going anywhere. And for what its worth...I really hope you don't ever do anything like-like that again..." He said sincerely. "But um, .did you need anything? We could order room service if you're hungry?" Yikes. Avoiding the subject much?

Cody shook his head. Blah. Food sounded so gross to him right now, so much so that he crinkled his nose up unto a slight scowl, "I'm okay. Thanks though...I should probably just go lay down for a while." Or maybe take a nice hot shower where he could hope that he'd some how fall and drown in?-?-?

"Me too." Randy agreed with a muffled yawn, pulling his cell phone out from his back pocket and flipped it open, "But I have to make a few calls and track down my partner before he tracks ME down and kicks my apartment door in." He smile a little, "Hunter's pretty pissed at me right now so I'll be up for a while trying to smooth that over."

Cody almost cracked a smile; Hunter was pissed at Randy? That was nothing new. According to Randy Hunter was always mad at him for something. Either jokingly or seriously Hunter was always giving Randy grief and as much as Randy said he hated it, Cody knew he really didn't. Hunter was his friend. Even if Randy didn't entirely realize it. "That's too bad." He said softly and fidgeted with the hem of his shirt nervously for a second as he eyed the bathroom again. Fuck a shower sounded so good right about now. That and a good shave!

Randy snapped his phone shut, "Shit I almost forgot, I'll have a change of clothes for you later."

Huh? "How did you get my clothes?" Seriously all his shit was at the Underground and Randy hadn't left his side but for a few minutes here and there since he'd shown up at the hospital. So how in the hell did he have his clothes? Or any of this own?-?-?

"I still had some of your stuff so Tristan packed it up and said he'd bring it by later."

Cody frowned. Oh. That's how. "Where is Tristan?" Of course he helped pack his shit! If Tristan was smart he'd never let Randy go and make sure all traces of his past lovers were completely erased! "I'm not causing you any trouble with him am I?"

Randy shook his head, his bright blue eyes catching the lighting and shinning so beautiful blue it actually hurt Cody's heart and he had to look away. He just, missed him so fucking MUCH. He missed everything about him! His smiles, his laughs, his frowns, his scowls, his smirks, his soft skin and dreamy deep blue eyes...Every. Little. Thing.

"He's at my apartment with the cap- err, I mean John. He offered to stick around with him while I was here with you."

"Oh...That's nice of them..." But also unnecessary. Randy didn't have to stay here and watch him like a hawk as if he would just jump out the window at any moment. He might have wanted to but he wouldn't. He still felt like shit but he was no where near being strong enough to face his own death again so Randy could go home to Tristan and just forget all about him. As far as Cody was concerned it t was the best thing for Randy because being with him only brought heartache that Randy just didn't deserve!

It fucking sucked but Tristan was the best thing for him. No matter how much it hurt knowing that it was so fucking true. Because in the short amount of time they'd been together already Randy had come out to his co-workers and that was something Randy wouldn't even TALK to Cody about doing when they were together. It was a completely off limits subject! But obviously Tristan had given him the strength and courage he needed for that while he gave him nothing but heartache and turmoil.

He'd never be good enough for Randy.

Not in a million years.

"I'm really tired." He said with a slight nod, "I think I'll hit the shower and get some sleep." He dropped the jacket onto the table beside his coffee and hurried in to the bathroom, slamming the door behind him as his face started to crumble.

Randy should just go home to Tristan where he belonged!