June 2, 2011 Prompt: "I chose you."
XXIX: Always
Severus was very much of mind, to believe that it was just a dream. That Luna hadn't really been there. That she hadn't really laid in his arms for hours on end. Nor that her beautiful, lithe body had been his, at least for the length of the night.
It was simply not possible; not in this or any other universe. He tried to convince himself that it was simply a dream; a wonderful dream which of course, had now come to an end.
However, waking in the nude was rather strange. Severus never did sleep nude.
What really cemented the fact that it was no dream, was the blasted summer cold he suddenly caught from being drenched the previous day.
Officially, for the following couple days, Severus was in hell. Not only could he not breathe and feel his breathing pipes utterly stuffed up from nose to lung, but his sentiments were in a hideous uproar.
He had not dreamt of Luna. The god of dreams was never so generous with Severus when it came to his dreams. Luna had really been there, in his bed, with him, whimpering and mewling and moaning and gasping under his ministrations.
But as wonderful as this was, to know that he had slept with Luna, been able to make love to her till his body's utter exhaustion, there was still the dreadful fact that she had just gone. Gone, disappeared, without even so much as a note for explanation. He supposed he really should've known that would happen, Luna was quite ethereal.
However, this time, Severus couldn't sit idly by. And so as soon as he recovered from his cold, he found himself standing outside the Lovegood residence, partially regretting his decision.
Squelching down on his fluttering stomach and screwing up all his courage, Severus raised his fist. Unintentionally, he pounded on the door, which was opened a moment later by a very harried Xenophilius Lovegood, clutching at his heart and starting at him wildly. Severus felt heat creeping up his neck. "My pardons," he was quick to say. "I'm Severus Snape. I... I'd like to see, Miss Lovegood. is she here?"
For moment, the man clutched the door frame and looked feverish before closing his eyes tight and shaking his head. He seemed to be muttering something under his breath, but Severus couldn't hear what that was. Severus was seriously beginning to doubt that he should have come at all when the man suddenly looked at him, with slightly wary eyes and stepped aside.
"She's upstairs, painting her room," he replied in a shaking voice.
Severus nodded. Being as he spent a couple weeks repairing the Lovegood home, Severus knew his way around. Making his way up the spiral stairs, he felt his heart begin to increase in tempo. By the time she reached her bedroom threshold, he felt awash with doubts. However, he reasoned, he had nothing to lose. After all, Luna wasn't his.
Standing there, he found his his stomach flip at the sight of her. She was sitting, cross legged on the floor with a white peasant skirt and a blue t-shirt. Her hair today was braided in a loose and haphazard plait that fell down her back.
Strewn around her were various jars full of water, some of them grey and murky, others pink or blue, while others were clear. Along with the various jars, there were tubes of paint and various rags. Belatedly, Severus noted that there were drops of paint on Luna's skirt and the Daily Prophets laid on the ground to catch stray drops, while in her hands she held a palette and paint brush.
"Hello Professor, would you like to paint with me?" she asked, not turning to look at him. For a moment, Severus wondered how she knew that he was there, as she leaned in to inspect the wall that she was painting. The section she was working on was for the most part, blocked from his view and he felt a twinge inside him to hear her refer to him by his formal title once more. That night, she had said his name, and Severus was sure he'd never heard it spoken in such a lovely way.
Clearing his throat, he pushed that away and tried to ignore the endearing way she looked, sitting there with spatters of paint on her. "No," he said darkly, as he recalled how many times he had caught her the previous year, painting. In that time, it had been such a dangerous thing to do. But that felt like it was another life time ago. For a moment, he saw Luna's shoulders sag and he hastily went on to say that he had no skill at painting.
At which, Luna turned from where she sat, and looked at him and smiled. "I could teach you," she said, looking up at him with her blue sapphire eyes. "And you could teach me how to fly," she smiled. Severus felt a heavy weight pressing on his chest as he looked at her, smiling at him so radiantly, and knowing he would miss that if he were never able to see it again.
"Damn it, Luna... you can't just leave without saying anything," Severus suddenly hissed through clenched teeth, very much aware her father was somewhere nearby and considering he was closer to the man's age than Luna's...
Besides he needed to get it out, before he backed out for fear that if he told her he would chase her away. But he couldn't do that. He needed to straighten this out. Not knowing, it would drive him crazy. He wanted at last, something stable in his life, something he could hold onto and call his. And if Luna couldn't give him that... then he was just setting himself up for greater pain.
Luna turned away at this, and turned her attention back to her painting and got back to work. "I thought it might be better that way," she replied so low that he almost missed it.
"Better for who?" he demanded.
"Well... it seems after sex, men usually want to run away as fast as possible. When its morning, these affairs are just all the more awkward. I thought I'd spare you," Luna replied with a shrug in her sing-song voice.
Somehow, that made his heart break all the more. Suddenly he knew why she did it. It wasn't because she regretted it and wanted to get away from him as fast as possible. She left to protect herself. She thought that in the light of day, or in the aftermath of spent passion, that he would regret sleeping with her.
For a moment, Severus wanted to snap at her and tell her she was wrong. But she wasn't entirely. He knew plenty of men like that. There were too many to count. And for every man that would stay in the morning, and want to curl up with the woman who they'd just tried with their all too please, there were fifty or more that wanted to get away and move on to the next.
"I'm not like that Luna," Severus said through gritted teeth, trying to keep his voice even.
"I know, you're not like other men. You're special," she said, and he could hear a hint of a smile on her voice as she continued to speak to him.
"Then why-" Severus trailed off, frustration entering his voice.
Luna put her painting supplies down on the ground before standing and walking over to her bed and taking a seat on it. Her bed was covered in a dark purple comforter with golden swirls embroidered on it, along with stars that were charmed to twinkle.
"Because," she stated, turning her gaze to slowly look out her window. "You can be quite unyielding. I wasn't sure if you were ready to allow yourself to move on from the past. Or if you still wanted to cling to your love for her," she said.
The room was suddenly filled with stillness and silence. Severus felt paralyzed, he knew what she was referring to. The whole damn wizarding world knew of his unrequited love for Lily Potter nee Evans.
For her part Luna remained sitting still as a statue, her gaze captured by something outside the window. Or perhaps she wasn't even looking out, but looking at something within herself.
For a moment, Severus didn't want to think about that. Lily and her memory had ruled such a great part of his life, that just at this moment he didn't want to think about her. He just wanted Luna and something real with her. So instead, he found himself staring at Luna, and the unflinching way she stated uncomfortable truths. It was... disconcerting, but also refreshing.
However, he knew it was something that he had to take into consideration. It wasn't fair to Luna; it wasn't fair to wish to tie her down, while he lived in love with a ghost.
But things had changed. Luna was no longer an escape from his memories. Severus wasn't sure when that had changed, and he wasn't certain if he had feelings for her what those feelings were. However, he did know that the idea of being without her scared the hell out of him. And he knew that life without her now would be like a world without colors; a life without sense, or happiness, or light.
But that seemed selfish to him.
"You'll aways love Harry's mother and I'm fine with that," Luna said, turning her eyes to him slowly and offering a small smile. "But you've only ever opened your heart to her. There are room in our hearts for so many people... but I don't know if you'll allow yourself to do that," Luna said with a tinge of sadness in her unique voice, slowly getting to her feet. "But I'm not asking you for anything Severus. I'm fine with being just your friend," she said before kneeling back at her wall and continuing to paint.
"I want more than that," Severus muttered lowly. So low, he wasn't sure he heard him. A part of him wished she wouldn't, while a greater part of him hoped she would. Luna didn't stop painting, as she turned what he said over in her mind.
Luna turned and looked at him, with a mildly questioning expression. "And what is more?"
Severus felt his color changing. The heat coursing up his neck was red-hot. "See you on a regular basis," he replied softly and through gritted teeth. "To wake and for you to be still be there in the morning. I want the discomfort your company usually provides... I just want you, Luna. I think... I chose you... set you apart from everyone else, long before I was aware of it," he mumbled in a rush, knowing his face was in all likelihood tomato-red.
Luna cracked a sudden smile at him. "Well... you can be quite slow on the uptake sometimes," she stated teasingly.
Severus felt himself flush further, but couldn't help cracking a smile and his heart from fluttering at the way she was looking at him. Striding over, he crouched near her and stared at her intensely. "Luna, I-"
Luna leaned forward and placed a chaste kiss on his lips, before pulling away and smiling at his startled look. "You talk too much, Severus," she stated, before pressing an extra brush in her hand. "Now come and paint the lilies with me."
TBC...
A/N: Next chapter is the last! Hope you enjoyed this one. And as always please Review!
