Life Is Not Meant to Last
"You could leave."
Izumi said it so softly that Sig almost thought she had been talking in her sleep.
It had been a bad day for her condition. She had been taking down a customer's order when the coughing attacked without warning. She had vomited the blood into her hands, but some of it spewed onto the counter. Sig had arrived at the front just as the customer fled the store without his meat, shaking his head in utter disgust. Sig had guided his wife to bed, but he could see the shame that coloured her face. He and Mason closed up the shop early, got something to eat and then Sig joined Izumi in bed. He had assumed that she would have been fast asleep, but it seemed that she had waited for him.
"What?" Sig broke himself from his thoughts and rolled over to face her. "What are you talking about?"
The whites of her eyes shone despite the near darkness. "You could leave me, Sig. I promise I wouldn't blame you if you did."
He picked at a lock of Izumi's hair and twirled it around his finger. What was she trying to tell him? "I don't understand."
"Don't play dumb," she chastised him, her voice low. "It's getting worse everyday, you know that."
Sig sat up and turned on the light by his bedside table. Izumi donned her emotional armour everyday, the only times she acted even slightly vulnerable was when Sig was near. She sat up too, crossing her legs and resting a hand on her stomach. There were bloodstains on the front of her nightgown; some old, some fresh. She had recently stopped bothering to replace her sleepwear, as they soiled so easily.
"Is that what you think of me?" he asked softly, staring at his hands. "Do you think I would simply abandon you, especially now?"
He looked back at her, just as she looked down.
Sig shook his head. "Why do you want me to leave?" He questioned, almost angrily. "Are you going to say anything?"
He stared at her, waiting. She did not look at him, but stroked her wedding ring with her thumb. Izumi was not a quiet woman, so he decided to let her have her rare silence, despite his irritation and impatience.
"We were going to do so much together," she said uncharacteristically delicately. "We were going to see the world. We were going to have children who would run around the shop and play and be loved. We were going to grow old together. But I destroyed all of that. I love you so much, sweetheart, and that's why I think you should leave."
She looked up at him, with red-rimmed eyes. He wanted to touch her, to hold her, but he was afraid she would shrink away from his hands.
Sig, in contrast to his wife, would rather hold his tongue than speak. So he waited, knowing her well enough to sense that there was more she wanted to say. She stretched her hand out and touched his cheek with feather-light fingers.
"I'm going to die soon, Sig," she told him bluntly, letting her hand trail from his neck to his shoulder and then down to his thigh. "I know doctors have been saying it for years, and I've always come back. But I can feel it this time. I'm in pain all the time now. Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night and I'm just numb everywhere."
Sig regarded her face with miserable eyes. He'd known she would die, but he still didn't feel prepared. She was the strongest person he had ever met; she always presented herself as if she were immortal.
"I have sealed my fate, Sig," she finally met his gaze. She looked so sick and sad, but her eyes held the same fire that not even pain could take away. "But I don't have to seal yours. I shouldn't have told you to leave; maybe that was selfish of me. But I want you to promise me that you'll keep moving when I'm dead. Travel, make friends, learn something new."
"Alright," he said softly. "Okay."
Izumi smiled. "And you'll look out for my boys?"
"Of course. Do you… do you think I should call them and tell them to come down?"
Izumi lay back down and curled into a ball. "Yes. I don't know if they'll be able to come in time; Al is in Xing and Ed's waiting for Winry to have their baby. But they should know, so they'll be able to come for the funeral."
Funeral. The word twisted an ache in Sig's heart. He had seen as his son and soon he would see his wife lowered into the earth far before their time.
"How are you, Izumi?" He lay down, too, and took her hand. "How do you feel about… this ending?"
"You can say 'dying'."
"I don't want to say it. But please tell me."
She pulled his hand close and kissed his fingers. "I should be okay with it, right? But I feel like I'm not ready. I don't want to leave you. I don't want you to be alone."
She broke off her words with a single sob.
Sig gathered her in his arms and kissed brushed his lips against hers, as gentle as a butterfly's wing. He reached over and turned off the light, beginning to repeatedly whisper "I love you" as she chorused in with "I'm so sorry", over and over again like an ugly love song on a broken gramophone.
Izumi tilted her head up and they began to kiss again, but with more purpose and effort. The kisses tasted of blood and tears. The blood was Izumi's, but the tears belonged to them both. They shed their clothes and made love slowly and gently. Neither knew when Izumi would become to weak to become intimate with her husband, so they savoured the experience.
Izumi fell asleep soon after it was over, but Sig could not bring himself to close his eyes. He looked at her face, using the hallway's dim light to make out all of her features. She looked calm and peaceful. He wanted to brand that image in his mind; for he knew the weeks to come would be hell for them both.
Author's Note~ I can't even tell you how much I love that pairing... This is set after Ed and Winry's first child is born and after Al marries May. In my headcanon, their kids grow up referring to Izumi as 'Granny', even if she isn't alive. As alway, I do hope you enjoyed this and please drop a review!
