The hollow, aching feeling became more intense as they began preparing to do their daily training. Leo was already moving through sword katas, Mikey was leaning against a wall with a Silver Sentry comic, and Raph was unleashing some of his pent-up energy on the punching bag. After watching them for a few minutes, Don slowly began to move through some basic stretching exercises for muscles that hadn't trained in almost a week and a half. He had to be careful of his half-healed injuries, though — certain movements made him grimace.

The shoji doorway of Master Splinter's room opened, and the mutant rat moved out among his sons. He stopped near Don, his dark eyes lingering the longest on the son who hadn't been there for the past week. Don knew well when his father was worried about someone — he had seen the same concern for Raph and his anger, or Leo and his struggles when the city had been at war.

Leo came out of the next room with a long, thin object clutched in his hand. "Here. You left — I found this in April's apartment," he said a little awkwardly. "I tried to give it back to you the other day, but you were asleep."

Don took the bo staff, and wrapped his fingers tightly around it. It made him feel a little better to know that his bo had been recovered — though Master Splinter had trained all four of his sons in every weapon he could get his hands on, each one had also specifically trained with his own preferred weapon. Don's was one that had gotten him out of many tight spots — a strong, sleek weapon that he appreciated for its simplicity.

"Thanks, Leo," Don said.

Leo nodded, but his keen eyes were fixed on Don's face, and a frown crinkled the skin of his brow. "Are you all right?" he whispered.

"I'm — not any worse," Don said hesitantly.

"You look shaky," Leo said. "Are you sure you're up to this?"

Don's fingers clenched around his bo. "I can do this," he said quietly, more to himself than to Leo.

He felt Leo's hand settle on his shell. "Don't push yourself too far. If you need to slow down or step aside, just tell us," he said softly.

"I will," Don promised.

But he felt apprehension blooming inside him as he began to move through the familiar exercises with his bo. The last time he had used this weapon was in the fight at April's apartment, where… where he had been captured. Kidnapped.

Don grimaced as he spun the bo in his hands, and then jabbed it into the ribs of an imaginary enemy. He knew that he wasn't the most adept fighter, compared to his brothers. Each of the others was gifted with qualities that made them formidable on the battlefield. Leo was a prodigy of swordsmanship, his dedication matched only by his skill. Raph was a powerhouse of fiery, unstoppable strength. And while Mikey rarely fought to his full potential, Don knew that he found it easier to fight effectively than any of the rest of them — it was the reason he could afford to joke and clown around during battles.

His hands shook as he moved into another form, his thoughts starting to affect his body. He knew that his special gifts were wholly of the mind — even as a young turtle, he had known that his kind of intelligence wouldn't translate to ninja fighting skills. But he had still been trained his whole life by Master Splinter, and he had thought… well, that even if he would never quite be as effective as his brothers, then he was at least fairly good.

But then he had been captured by the Purple Dragons. Not by a horde of Foot ninja, who were formidable enough in groups that even Leo had been overwhelmed by them once, or by Agent Bishop, his troops and technology. But by a street gang. A group of thugs who weren't even trained in any fighting techniques, and weren't — except for Hun — unusually strong…

He should have been able to beat them. He had failed… failed April, failed himself.

"Don," Leo said, putting a hand on his shoulder. "What's wrong?"

Don gripped his bo tightly. "I — I should have been able to hold them off," he mumbled. "I should have been able to beat them long enough for you to get there…"

Leo shook his head. "Don, they gassed you. None of us could have done any more than you did."

Don wasn't sure if he believed that, but he focused on sweeping his weapon at an imaginary enemy's legs.

"Donatello," Splinter said suddenly. "Are you able to spar today?"

Don blinked, coming back to the present. "Y—yes, Sensei."

The mutant rat nodded briskly, but Don saw doubt in his eyes. "Begin sparring in pairs," Master Splinter said. "Only lightly today. Donatello, you will spar with Raphael. Leonardo, you will be sparring with Michelangelo."

Don forced his hands to be steady as he approached Raphael. He already knew that his brother was going to go easy on him, just to give him a sporting chance of actually winning their bout. He wished Raph wouldn't — while Don felt as fragile as a paper lantern, it irritated him that he seemed so weak in their eyes that his brother had to hold back. When Raph looked up at him, there was… uncertainty in his eyes. Apprehension.

Don took a deep breath and lunged towards Raph without warning, his bo swinging in a wide arc towards his brother's shoulder. Raph's arm twisted up to intercept the bo with his sai, throwing Don back a few steps as he thrust his arm forwards. It was a well-executed move, and Don waited for the next blow to come his way.

But he could feel Raph's hesitation. Normally Raph would have thrown far more strength behind such a blow, and would have followed it with a feigned strike in order to win — or at least continue — their little sparring match. Instead he drew back, his eyes uncertainly following Don as he regained his balance.

Don gripped his bo, but he could feel that his movements weren't as nimble and precise as they usually were. He felt… unbalanced, as if he were in danger of falling off a narrow beam every time he made a move.

But he threw himself back into the sparring, landing a few light blows on Raph's side and chest. Some confidence began to creep back into him as Raph drew back into a more defensive posture, watching Don's attacks like a wary panther. Maybe he just needed some practice to get back into shape.

Raph dodged another blow, and a familiar gleam came back into his eyes — the look he had when he was really getting involved in a fight, when a battle began to excite him. He sprang towards Don with his arms outstretched, sai glinting in his hands, and attempted to disarm Don by snagging his bo and sending it twirling from his hands. He missed, but only narrowly, and as he swept his hand across Don's torso, the hilt of his sai smashed into his brother's abdomen.

Don felt the heavy blow against his stomach — not hard enough to damage his plastron, but hard enough to hurt. He doubled over and clutched at the injured spot, waiting for the pain to pass so he could get back to sparring—

"Donnie!" Raph said, dropping his other sai.

"Don!" Leonardo shouted, abandoning his match with Mikey. He rushed over to his brother and wrapped his arms around Don from behind, trying to pull him back upright.

Hot breath against his neck — the weight of a body against his shell — pressing against the backs of his thighs —

And terror flooded through Don — stark, blinding terror that instantly washed away thought and rationality. He stiffened, every nerve in his body suddenly shrieking at him to struggle, to run, to tear himself away from the monster behind him. For that moment he could barely hear or see anything around him — he was aware only of the body behind him, and the unthinking fear that was choking him.

"Don? Don?" Leo said, his arms tightening around his brother.

"No — no — stop it —" Don gasped, his voice growing hoarse and desperate. His fingers dug into the hands gripping him, pulling them from his plastron until they released him—

Then he was on his knees, his fingers clutching his bo in a white-knuckled grasp. His breath was coming in hoarse, desperate gasps, and his head was spinning with the sudden rush of adrenaline. Then he felt hands on him — fingers grasping, clutching at him — and he cried out again, trying to push them away — trying to escape them before they could hold him down —

"Donatello!"

Master Splinter's voice cut through the panic that had enveloped his mind. He suddenly recognized the hands grasping him — they all had three fingers — and he saw Leo and Raph's concerned faces over him as they tried to calm him. Restrain him. He was shaking uncontrollably as he sank back to his hands and knees, his breath coming in ragged gasps, his heart still pounding wildly.

"Don!" Leo said desperately, grasping his brother's shoulders. "Don — I didn't mean to remind you of — I was just trying to help you — I'm sorry —"

Don shook his head furiously, his panic giving way to shame. "I have to go," he said thickly.

"What? No, you don't!" Leo said.

"Yes, I do," Don said, feeling Raph's strong grip tightening. "I need — I need to be alone…"

"Let him go, Raphael," Master Splinter called out.

Suddenly the hands let go of him. Don pulled loose from Raph and Leo and ran blindly across the lair, leaped up to the second level and plunged into the dark, hexagonal doorway that led to his bedroom. Like most rooms in the lair, it had no door to bar intruders, so he clearly heard his brothers' voices rise behind him, calling his name as they followed him up to his room.

He was trembling and breathing hard as he sank onto the futon couch that he kept shoved in a corner, and rested his face in his hands. If he had felt fragile before, he felt like he was tearing apart now.