Riding through the Emerald Graves, I find my mind lingering on the past. All around me are echoes of the empire of my people. An empire I destroyed in my hubris and desperation. They linger in every cliff, and I hear their voices in the rustling in the treetops above, a constant reminder of my grief. I'm thankful that neither Cole nor Mona is here with us to sense the despair in my heart. Both already carry so many burdens of their own - and mine. The more I can limit their exposure to my past the better. They are both so dear to me as well as a painful reminder of all that has and will come to pass.
My salvation comes from the Herald humming a tune while riding ahead, completely unaware of him doing so. Though always one of our more cheerful companions, it's rare to see him this elated. I suspect his increasing closeness with Lady Montilyet is the cause, and I'm glad he has found some happiness after a lifetime in the Circle. The Enchanters had no comprehension of the strength inside the young man, and he is slowly becoming a skilled mage. He is taking well to his training, but I have discovered I have not been his only mentor as of late.
I look to Blackwall next to me. He seems more bothered lately, the heavy weight he carries darkening the cheerful demeanour Sera brings out of him. I have noticed how Blackwall looks at the ambassador, and though I know he would never try to come between the Herald and his love, the look of heartache is unmistakable. My throat tightens at the thought of what I felt when I believed Mona's heart to belong to Dubois. The mage, Anders, crosses my mind briefly, and I shake my head. Dwelling on her past is a destructive path I refuse to tread.
"I heard you in the training yard this morning," I remark as I ride up next to Blackwall.
"Ah, yes. The Herald wants to learn how to use a sword of all things. Should I be quieter next time?" He seems genuinely uncomfortable for a moment.
"No, no. It's fine," I reply calmly. "Children don't learn unless you shout at them."
Blackwall releases a huff of air, clearly understanding my meaning no matter how even my voice is.
"You've become quite fond of the lad." He smiles.
"His talents have been overlooked by his 'mentors' in the past because they did not know how to properly motivate him. Not to mention, their methods are designed to teach everyone the same, when no one ever is. Besides, his honesty and optimism are refreshing."
"That it is. Out of curiosity; are you planning on adopting the entire Inquisition?"
"What do you mean?"
"Well, you seem to have become a father of a sort to both Cole and Edward. Father of the Inquisition has a nice ring to it." He laughs as I shake my head. At least one of us managed to get out of the discouraging state of mind we were both trapped in.
We approach an old mansion the Herald wanted to investigate. The architecture is beautiful as are its surroundings, but it looks abandoned, and even from a distance I can sense something stirring within. I understand why the Herald asked both Dorian and me to join him.
"I think we'd better make camp and leave the horses here. I don't want that mansion spooking them," the Herald suggests.
"A good idea. There are some ruins over there that should be suitable," Blackwall agrees and points to the distance.
I have to suppress a smile as I see a statue of Fen'Harel. I should be used to them being everywhere by now, but they still make me as uncomfortable now as they did eons ago. I never wanted to be seen as a god because I'm not. It pulls me back into the somber memories as I look out over the forest after we have made camp.
"Josephine would love this place," I hear the Herald sigh as he walks up next to me.
In that moment, I see the beauty of it and not just the echoes of a dead empire. The peaceful rustle of the treetops, the birds chirping, the distant sound of water, and the quiet away from battle and death - for now. A smile creeps unto my lips as I close my eyes and take in the scent.
"I like being out in the forests. It is peaceful. So would the Inquisitor, I think."
The Herald grins at me, and I give him a curious look.
"You are in love," he chuckles, as if it was some great revelation.
"You're as intrusive as Sera," I sigh.
"Why is it you never use her name in public? Well, at least I assume you don't call her 'Inquisitor' in bed." He grins.
I shake my head, rubbing my face with my hand, barely able to conceal my amusement at his playful nature.
"Formality. Whatever my feelings for the Inquisitor, there needs to be a distance between us in public. Both so that we can maintain a professional relationship and so that any enemies are unaware of the true extent of our feelings."
"Solas, I think if anyone had those sinister plans, it would happen anyway. It's not the best kept secret anymore." He gives me a doubtful look.
"True; however, there is a great difference between a dalliance with an elven advisor and a deep emotional entanglement." Should someone like Falon'Din or Andruil find out how much I truly love her, they would never stop hunting her. Better to think her a momentary amusement on my part. It would be foolish of me to assume I have no enemies of power left in this world, even with the Evanuris locked away.
"I understand ... If anyone hurt Josephine to get to me…" He pauses, clenches his hands, and grinds his teeth at the mere thought of it. He then laughs, shaking his head. "I love her, Solas. She is so sweet, considerate, and resourceful. No one affects me as she does, but how in the name of the Maker can I love someone so much after such a short time?"
I put my hands behind my back and look into the forest again.
"You never seemed to have any reservations with my feelings towards the Inquisitor, so why do you have it regarding your own?"
"That's hardly a fair comparison. From the moment you two met, it has seemed like you have always known each other."
I nearly laugh. He has no idea how close to the truth that statement is. He looks at me and his face turns serious.
"I won't let them harm you. I'll open a rift and make it swallow anyone who tries to harm any of you." He tries to reassure me, and his protectiveness of me continues to surprise me.
"I thank you, but let us hope it never comes to that. Shall we see what mysteries that mansion holds?"
"After you, my friend," he grins with a bow.
"Why do I get the distinct feeling I'm being used as a decoy?" I narrow my eyes at him.
"Because you can just Fade step away, and then Blackwall can ram into whatever is in there." He gives a broad smile, and though I nearly laugh, I scowl playfully instead.
As we enter, the house is quiet and dark – even the natural light from the windows have trouble penetrating it.
"This place gives me an uneasy feeling…"
"No kidding, I think I just felt something brush past me," Dorian moans with a shudder.
Walking through the house, the eerie feeling does not leave me, and the longer it stays quiet, the more apprehensive I get. The Fade is almost crackling in the air and the emotions emanating through it are contentious. I walk up next to Dorian, who seems to be sensing it as well.
"Ah, Solas. You startled me," Dorian gasps. "You're always so ... nondescript."
"Please speak up! I cannot hear you over your outfit!" I sneer in my annoyance.
"Hush, you two, or something unpleasant might hear us," the Herald shushes us.
"Like a small horde of undead?" Blackwall remarks drawing his sword.
"Yes … well, shit…," the Herald groans.
For the next thirty minutes, we attempt to disperse what seems a never ending battle with undead. Whatever resides here is incredibly powerful.
"Unless we get to the source of this, I fear this battle will never end." I look to the Herald as the latest wave is culled.
"And quickly. This place is even more disturbing than I thought. Let's look for clues."
As we search for clues, we slowly make our way through the house.
"Well, that's an odd dragon," the Herald muses, but I only look briefly, not paying attention to the mounted head on the wall. I want to find those clues as quickly as possible and banish the angry spirit that resides here.
"I would suggest paying attention to the undead rather than the decor," Dorian grunts.
"Come now, you could bring it home to Bull as a gift." The Herald sounds as cheerful as ever, despite the circumstances.
"Are we adding burglary the Inquisition's list of accomplishments?" I chuckle with some minor abhorrence.
"I think we did that when we asked Sera to join the Inquisition," the Herald laughs.
"Fair point," I concede as I activate the next clue.
"I think we're getting too used to this. Having casual conversations while fighting a horde of undead doesn't seem quite right." Blackwall grins.
"Regretting tagging along, Blackwall?" Dorian asks, his voice lighter than it has been since we entered the building.
"Not for a moment."
Another group of undead approach us, and when we get closer to the vault, the Herald picks up a sword and lops the head off one of the undead. He succeeds with luck more than skill, but the foe does lie unmoving on the ground beneath him.
"I heard Blackwall is teaching you how to use a sword." I nod towards the weapon in his hand.
"Rapier, specifically. Mona suggested that I take lessons."
"That's curious…" What is she planning now? I will have to ask her when we return to Skyhold.
"She also taught me how to pick locks." He grins and walks toward the final door to the vault.
"She knows how to- of course she does," I sigh, but even so some of my fondness for her shines through.
Inside we find a large amount of weapon, coin, and other riches. I, however, am more interested in the books, but as I pass an armour stand, something curious catches my attention. It's one of a pair of bracers large enough to only fit a Qunari, but it looks like the ones Mona uses. I pick it up and notice how heavy it is. I sense no magic from it, and I see no runes placed in it. I take off my satchel to make room for it and manage to put it away without the others noticing. How did something like this get here?
When we return to Skyhold some days later, I go up to Mona's chambers despite it being late into the night. I had promised I would see her as soon as I returned so she would know I had come back safely. To my surprise, neither she nor Atish'an are anywhere to be found. As I walk back down to the great hall, I notice a sound coming from the armory. I release a breathless chuckle. I should have known she would be working on something.
Atish'an is asleep on the floor - so exhausted she doesn't notice my presence like usual. Even from a distance, I can tell that Mona's migraines are getting worse. Her hand keeps rubbing her right temple. It has been almost two months since Adamant, and I find it difficult to understand why the rune would still be affecting her as it does. The pain could be exponential to the amount of guilt transferred through it. And the Fear Demon would have channeled far more than a serial killer.
"Work, you piece of shit!" She hisses and slams the device onto the table. For a brief moment, an orange light emanates from it.
"Vhenan," I speak softly as I approach, and she turns to face me.
She wraps her arms around my waist and settles her face in the crook of my neck. She sobs softly into my shirt as I hold her close.
"What's the matter?" I ask gently as I rub her back and hold her close to me.
"I'm in pain, I'm tired, I'm afraid, everything I touch turns to shit, and I can't get that damned thing to work!" She releases a large sigh into my shoulder. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't-"
She tries to pull away and once again hide all her despair beneath her mask. Instead, I pull her back to me and hold her close. Without even thinking, I begin to heal her. It is disconcerting how normal this has become.
"You have nothing to be sorry for. I'm here for you," I murmur into her hair.
She chuckles a little and holds me closer.
"I'll miss you," she murmurs in a voice so low I am not sure I heard her correctly.
"What?"
"I missed you," she sighs and gets up on her toes to kiss me.
"I missed you, too." I kiss her brow. "Go to bed."
"Are you not coming?" She looks up at me, and the disappointment in her voice tugs at my heart.
"There are a great deal of Orlesian nobles arriving tomorrow. I think it would be better if they do not see an elven apostate exit your quarters in the morning." I give her a rueful smile.
She sighs and gives me a nod.
"You know, one day this racist nonsense has to stop." She raises an eyebrow as she huffs.
"Nothing would make me happier, my love." I give her a brief kiss and am rewarded a smile.
"Don't try to steal any secrets the moment I'm out the door," she teases as she walks out the door.
She knows I intend to look through her notes. Perhaps I should refrain, but I find that I can't. As similar as her old bracers are to what I found in the Emeralds Graves, the current one she is working on is much more so. I'm tempted to go to her quarters right away, but she needs to rest. Tomorrow is her birthday celebration, and the nobles will be pouring in. Oddly enough, I look forward admiring her from the sidelines and seeing the Whisper of the Divine in her true element.
The following day, Skyhold is filled with more people than ever before. Whatever Vivienne and Josephine did, they seem to have gathered half the nobles in Thedas. To my surprise, Vael is still present at Skyhold - much to Varric's dismay. I have a feeling he is hoping he will somehow get information that will lead him to Anders. If he put as much energy into running his city-state as he did to getting revenge, he might actually accomplish something worthwhile. I have noticed that Mother Giselle seems to pay him a great deal of attention. I'm guessing Mona has something to do with it. I don't see my heart until a mere hour before the celebrations. I hear her enter the rotunda with Sera right behind her.
"Sera, please. I have a thousand things to do. And no, you're not assaulting my guests with bees or earwigs!"
"You're no fun!" Sera whines, to which I can almost hear Mona roll her eyes.
I turn and see Mona dressed in a long black dress that clings jealously to her curves, with a long piece of white see-through fabric glittering in the light from the candles wrapped around her delicate shoulders and ornamented with a few white feathers. Her hair styled in immaculate detail, swept up in an elegant bun with a few tendrils escaping to frame her lovely face, leaving the long, graceful curve of her neck bare. I hardly get the chance to notice my breath escaping me before hearing Dorian's voice from above.
"Well, Inquisitor, I didn't think you had an eye for fashion, but you look breathtaking!"
Mona laughs looking up at him.
"And I'm still hopeless. This was a gift from Maevaris. Even Vivienne has given her approval."
"That explains it!" Dorian laughs as he begins to walk down the stairs.
"Hey!" Mona objects.
"What if-" Sera begins.
"No!"
"Mona, can we talk, please?" Vael asks as he walks into the Rotunda, and Mona releases a deep breath. I imagine the entire day has been like this.
"What can I do for you, Sebastian?" She replies politely with a sweet smile.
He looks her up and down as a fierce blush creeps up on his face.
"I would have thought the leader of the faithful would wear something a little more … conservative." He swallows and looks away when he realises he is staring.
"What? Afraid I'm going to outshine that armour of yours?" She teases and twirls making the shawl glitter. "I'm afraid we will both be outdone by Dorian though."
"Right you are, my lady Inquisitor." Dorian chuckles.
Mona laughs as Vael seems to continue to be uncomfortable.
"What was it you wanted?" She asks Vael sweetly, taking a step towards him.
He stares right down at her, his blush continuing.
"I simply wanted to offer you some advice, and consider who you are seen with this evening." He looks at both Dorian and I briefly. "I would be happy to offer my assistance should you need some reprieve from the Orlesians."
Sera, Dorian, and I look at each other briefly, but Mona keeps calm.
"Thank you for your kind offer, Sebastian. Now, if there is nothing else, I have a lot of preparing left still."
"Of course." He bows and picks her hand up to give it a quick kiss and walks away.
Mona's eyes don't darken until he is out the door. Sera looks at Mona with a wicked grin.
"Do your worst," Mona chuckles, and Sera runs off cackling.
"What had him so flustered?" Dorian asks.
"Oh, he saw me naked on accident one time. Every time he sees more of my skin than usual, he does that. He was always very sheltered." She brushes it off as nothing and turns to me. "Can I see the latest report on the Veil?"
"Today?" I smile at her and hand it to her.
"This is important." She smiles as she begins to read it where she stands.
Dorian picks up some of my notes without asking, which annoys me.
"Some of these areas seem to be bleeding with the Fade. I wonder if the Venatori have been conducting some large blood magic rituals nearby."
"I am surprised you do not practice blood magic, Dorian. Is it not popular in Tevinter?" I ask with genuine curiosity.
He looks up with a slight frown that quickly fades.
"While we're sharing surprises, you've done a lot less dancing naked in the moonlight than expected," Dorian replies with a charming smile, hiding his annoyance at my question.
I'm about to reply, when I catch the way Mona looks at me. She bites her lower lip alluringly, her eyes sparkling with mischief, but she does not say a word. To my dismay, I feel a slight blush creep up on my face as I chuckle. Her smile broadens as she walks away from us, her hips swaying a little more seductively than they did before - or perhaps it is merely my imagination. Dorian catches the unspoken conversation as well and laughs heartily, leaning some of his weight on his thigh.
"Why, Solas, I have never seen you fluster so!"
"I do not fluster, Dorian," I reply, sitting down into my chair and looking over my notes.
"That would be easier to believe if you hadn't just blushed." He gives me a broad grin as he walks away.
I take great enjoyment from watching the celebrations throughout the evening, but I do not participate. Few barely even notice me, and it is better this way. All of Skyhold probably knows that I have spent several nights in the Inquisitor's chambers, but the nobles do not – and it is less likely that any should accidentally find out if I stay away from Mona tonight. Vael hardly leaves her side, but nothing in his demeanour comes off as being romantic.
Even from a distance, I can see how effortlessly Mona blends in. She is cheerful and charming in her demeanour and makes every person she talks to smile or laugh. She mimics the behaviour of the person she talks to and touches only when it will have the most effect. Her touch is always from the back and from the side, making sure she does not overstep, but enough to make the person she is talking to comfortable and familiar with her - even if they have just met.
I catch Vivienne watching her closely as well. Her face is filled with a pride that, for once, is not her own. Mona is a very good pupil. Ma vhenan holds herself with a regal posture, as powerful as when on the throne judging, but nowhere near as intimidating. With a small smile, I return to my studies in the rotunda.
A few hours go by when I hear a knock on the door, and Mona enters. She has a bright smile on her face as she closes the door. I get up as she walks directly towards me and takes my hands.
"It worked, Solas. We have gotten an invitation from Duke Gaspard," she enthuses with obvious relief.
"I'm glad it all worked out. You do not need to doubt your own abilities." I look down at her with a knowing smile, to which she merely scoffs with a small smile.
"If you have the time, I have a gift for you."
"I always have time for you, love. Gift or no."
I reach under my notes and take out a frame wrapped in a silk handkerchief. She gives me a sweet smile before she begins to open it, and a gasp escapes her as she looks at it.
"I saw the drawings you attempted to make of your son, and I know you had trouble making one that was accurate. I thought you would like one with both him and you in it," I explain with a tender smile. I watched her dreams of him in the Fade until I could recall his likeness from memory and draw a picture of her holding him.
She holds her hand to her mouth and sits down on the edge of the couch, looking at the drawing. Tears are brimming in her eyes, and I crouch down in front of her.
"I didn't mean to hurt you. I-"
I'm interrupted when she gives me a deep, lingering kiss, and I can't help but reciprocate.
"You didn't. Thank you. This is the most precious gift I have ever gotten."
She kisses the frame and places it carefully on the sofa. She stands up and pulls me to stand with her. She looks up at me quietly, while tears stream effortlessly from her eyes. I reach for her cheeks to wipe them away.
"I love you," she whispers before kissing me.
She wraps her arms tightly around my neck and my arms instinctively wrap around her waist. It is unwise. Should one of the nobles walk in on us, it would cause a scandal, but I cannot for the life of me let her go.
"I love you," she repeats, "with all my heart."
"Ar lasa mala vhenan bellanaris," I whisper in return.
"I'm not sure I can truly appreciate how long forever is," she replies a little wistfully. "Just love me now."
"Nothing in this world could be easier," I murmur as my lips captures hers again.
She pulls away reluctantly with a small smile on her lips as she dries her tears.
"I have to get back. When all this is over, then it doesn't matter what they think. I'm yours, and I will admit it openly, if you will have me. You're the best man I have ever known." She kisses me briefly on my cheek and leaves so quickly, I don't have a chance to respond.
I turn my head to the floor and close my eyes as I remember who I am and what I must do.
"No, vhenan. I'm truly not," I whisper as she walks out the door.
Notes:
And another update. I hope you'll enjoy this chapter. Again thank you so much for all your lovely comments! You guys are the best!
Thanks to ninaninabobina, who is such a big part of making this story enjoyable!
Ar lasa mala vhenan bellanaris = I give you my heart forever / My heart will always belong to you
