DSLW 29
i.
Mira
I'd been disgusted with myself at how easy it was to fall back into old habits and give that man I hated what he wanted. Without fighting enough but then again, he'd been doing it to me since I turned 12. Feeling like a whore. Because he had Daryl and I had to keep him sweet – he'd offered to take me to him and let him go. What he always wanted - me down on my knees. Or underneath him, I shuddered. And he didn't take me with him of course, but then again, I couldn't remember him actually leaving – it was a blank. Couldn't even remember cutting my bleeding thighs or why my forearms were bleeding so much.
I'd told him 'No!' but he never listened. Persisted in his sick delusion that I actually felt the same way – his heavy, flabby body pressed against me after I'd made him lunch (again doing what he wanted) when I had hoped that if I sucked him really well, he'd leave it at that. Didn't my big belly and swollen ankles put him off me?
Apparently not.
'I'll be gentle, promise.' He promised. 'Nice and easy. Won't hurt him or her.'
I remember the terror and the sense of violation – really I should have been used to it but I'd had three years without.
'OK...! That's it – nice and easy.' Barry whispered in my ear even as I shook my head as he slimed his way down the back of my neck with sloppy, clumsy kisses making me want to scrub each part of me his lips touched.
But I couldn't.
'No!' I hissed. 'Please, Barry. You can't...'
He yanked my hair back then. 'Call me Daddy while I do it.' Like he often did in the past.
'No...please.'
Then something unexpected happened.
'OK. Maybe ya right. Don't want to hurt an innocent child.Especially if it's another little Mira.' His chuckles as if he had made the world's funniest joke made my blood run cold but I didn't know why. Or I did but just didn't want to admit it to myself.
Then to my amazement, I heard him pull up his underwear first, then his pants.' I started to get up from the sofa in relief because since when did he ever listen to me?
'Uh huh, no you don't.' He shoved me back down and pinned me with his body.
'Are you going to still take me to Daryl?'
'Only if you're a good girl to Daddy.'
I forgot my worry about my boyfriend and that I shouldn't make Barry angry as I hissed back, 'Fuck you. You ain't my Daddy.'
'Exactly.' He let out that maddening chuckle again that had my teeth on edge. 'Like ya always said, so that means I can do what I like with ya and I won't be doin' nothin' wrong.'
'No you can't!'
'Shut up.' He slapped the back of my head. 'You've got me all hot and bothered, Mira, sweetheart, so I need to do somethin' 'bout it. Can't go outside like this.'
'Then take a cold shower! We've got one!.' I retorted. 'You don't have to do this, please Dad.'
He bit the side of my throat and I squirmed in shock – no doubt he told himself that I liked it.
'No, jus' gonna have to do this. Come in my pants. It's pretty hot outside – any stains'll dry pretty quick.' And with that he started to grind himself against my panties – wouldn't let me pull them down.
'Oh, Mira, ' He started to pant, very quickly he was moaning. 'Oh, baby. I've missed ya so much, why did ya run away from me?'
''Cos ya sick!' I hissed as it felt like I was being pounded into the sofa. The springs creaked. I hoped they wouldn't break – not with my weight and his.
He yanked my hair again, that and slapping me were this usual M.O. to make me submit to the things he did to me.
'Don't lie, I know ya embarassed 'bout our love. That ya feel bad for ya Mom. I haven't told her yet that I've found ya...Think she'll be pleased?'
'No! Don't tell her where I am! She doesn't care 'bout me!'
He didn't answer or maybe he wasn't listening as his thrusts started to come and faster and harder.
At least he isn't inside me. I thought to myself, trying to endure the situation. If he just dry humps me like this, does it still count as rape? I could feel his hardness sticking into my backside even through his clothes. It was more uncomfortable than painful, the humiliation was the worst. Especially what he'd made me do just before ...but that had felt like it was my fault.
Feeling even more like a whore – what would Daryl think of me if he knew? I started to push back against him and he made a pleased sound of surprise. But I was just trying to make him finish faster.
After what seemed like hours, he shuddered and came with a loud cry. Lay on top of me but I didn't move away or try to get him off me. Simply couldn't make myself move. I must have already started to fade out by then.
He planted another wet, dog-like kiss on the back of my neck and somehow, this was the worst thing of all – the last shove that finally tumbled me over the edge. I desperately wished I could wipe it – no- scrape all the skin off. But that must have been when I completely lost myself because after that I couldn't remember anything, must have blacked out then because that's when Merle found me.
ii.
Merle
'Jesus!' I hissed. I'd heard her crying before but just before I decided that I couldn't take it any more and was about to get up from the sofa where the bastard maybe did God knows what to her. I didn't let myself think about that. Somehow, I knew that it had all happened here and not in the bedroom, she'd been hiding behind the couch of course, when I found her.
She had woken me up just like Daryl used to but comforting him had been easy. I knew what to do. Her – on the other hand- what she'd just been through made me nervous and unsure.
What if she thought I was going in there to do what he did?
I covered my ears with the pillow, didn't want to hear. Hoping she would stop. She was clearly trying to muffle her noises, probably most people wouldn't have heard but then most people weren't Dixons. Hunters with sharp ears.
In fact, the sounds got more and more desperate and I knew she wasn't going to stop anytime soon.
I rolled out of bed was about to go in there in just my underwear (I hadn't planned on staying – hadn't brought anything with me, not even a toothbrush) but decided that might freak her out. She'd probably misunderstand my intentions so with a sigh, I pulled on my clothes – all of them except my shoes.
I went to her door and decided to knock. The noises immediately stopped.
'Go away.'
'You OK?'
'Yeah, fine. Jus' can't sleep...worried sick about Daryl.'
'Me too. I'm comin' in, OK?'
'No!'
I hesitated. Probably going against her wishes when she'd specifically told me 'No' was not a good idea – was exactly what that bastard done.
'I only want to talk, is all. Heard ya cryin'.'
No answer but she didn't tell me to get lost either. So, I took a chance and hovered near the bed.
The moonlight was bright even in the dark bedroom – and I could easily see her shape under the covers on the bed. Especially her bump.
'Ya OK?'
She turned to him and he could see her expression clearly in the moonlight. Her cheeks were wet with tears and her lips were trembling.
'He...he...'
'Did he hurt ya? Ya never told me what he did. But I can guess.'
'Yeah, he did. But not as bad as he could have...It was so disgusting. I feel so dirty...' She started rubbing at the arms he'd already cleaned and bandaged up.
'Stop that.' He grabbed her hands to still them. 'Sh...That ain't true. The only one who's disgustin' is the sick fuck who kidnapped my brother. For what he did to you too.'
He released her and got on the bed and she shrunk away.
'It's OK. Look- I'll stay on top of the covers, completely decent. Even Daryl couldn't say nothin' if he was here.'
'N...No.' The fear was clear in her eyes.
'Ya don't want to be alone tonight. Ya've been through hell...still goin' through it.'
'No, please.'
He stubbornly made himself comfortable.
'Fine, ya stay on ya side and I'll stay on mine.' He started to close his eyes.
'No! I know what you're going to do. Wait until I'm asleep and then...then...'
'Jesus!' He was finally angry that she was afraid of him and didn't trust him. 'Think I could do that? I fuckin' killed my Dad for doin' it to my little brother. What do ya take me for?'
She looked guilty now instead of scared.
'Sorry...Jus' not used to trustin' guys...'
'It's OK. Come here.' He motioned with his arms for her to go to him.
She slid over but kept her back to him. He hugged her from on top of the covers.
'But you better not let ya hands go a-wandering in the night. Ya hear?' She sleepily muttered but few minutes later, her breathing had evened out and he felt her body slacken and relax. He smiled when she turned around in her sleep to nestle her forehead against his chest with her bump between them and he tightened his arms around her in response.
Merle decided that he liked making his family feel safe. On the other end of the scale though, he had to admit, he was capable of mercilessly torturing those who hurt the ones he cared about until they were begging for death. The sadist in him enjoyed revenge. He guessed his freelance work as a debt collector /contract killer had prepared him for that and when he'd come back to find his Dad on top of a crying Daryl and both of them naked, Merle had just lost it. The bastard cruelly mocking and taunting his baby brother – about their dead mother of all the people - at the same time has he was raping him had simply made him snap, causing him to forget that he was their father. When before that day, Merle had loved the man, forgiven him no matter how he punished him and Daryl. But not that.
He would never ever forgive that.
….
iii.
She woke up and snuggled into the arms holding her. 'Daryl?' She mumbled in relief. 'Baby, you came back.'
But then the next moment her eyes flew open and she felt something wet between her legs.
She winced as a cramp hit her and felt between her thighs, drew out her fingers covered in blood.
She recalled the pains for the first time when Barry was there but at the time she must have forgotten about them and put them down to the stress of the situation. Anyway, they had stopped since then.
What if she was losing the baby or something was wrong? Was it possible to miscarry so late on?
She didn't think so.
'Merle!' She shook him awake. She didn't want to show him the blood so she had wiped it on the sheet underneath her where he couldn't see.
He came slowly awake. He'd still stayed above the covers. 'Merle!'
'What? What is it?'
She winced as another cramping pain struck her. 'I'm...I'm bleeding.' She stuttered. 'I think...I think I'm losing the baby!'
