Guess who's back? It's me! I'm back! Yay, so sorry for the delay I've been having major renovations done at my house and I'm finally getting settled back in! Now who's ready for a good hopeful happy chapter?
Annabeth
"I suddenly realized if every moment of a book should be taken seriously, every moment of life should be taken seriously as well."
I wake up fairly early on Saturday knowing that I already have my day planned for me. Piper's dragging me to her fucking audition for the school musical. How our high school managed to get Heather's approved for the spring musical is beyond me. The whole musical is about murder, sex, drugs, and suicide. I mean, it's not like high school isn't like that but still.
"Hey." She walks into my room and tosses a bag onto my body. "Get up we're going."
"What are you doing in my house? How did you get my address?" I sit up in my bed and grab some jeans.
She shrugs, "Well I got your address by asking Percy and I got in by knocking on the door like a normal person."
"Who let you in?"
"Your mama." She says flopping on my bed, her already short dress riding up her thighs.
"My mom?"
"Yeah, you know, the lady who birthed you."
"I know who my mom is, but she's not exactly a um… how do I put this? Pleasant woman."
"I feel dude." She snorts in an unladylike fashion sitting upright. "Cute bra."
"Shit, Pipes!" I use my shirt to hide my bra.
"What? I like the polka dots."
"Could you not be a whore for five minutes."
"Sorry sweetie, not my type." She smirks.
"It's not my fault you're a hoe."
"Awe cute you're learning." I throw my shirt on, "You ready?"
"Sure." I follow her out of my room.
"Annie?" My dad calls out from his office, "Where are you going sweetheart?"
"Piper and I are going to the mall."
"Have fun."
"Kay." I drag Piper out to her car.
"They trying too hard?" She asks.
"Ugh, like you can't even imagine." She backs out of the driveway and heads right to school. "Lunch on me?"
"Sure, you pick the place though." I suddenly notice she's listening to the Heather's soundtrack.
"You're not nervous are you?"
"I'm incredibly nervous!"
"You've got to be shitting me." I snort.
"Why?"
"Because you are Piper McLean, girl who could conquer the whole fucking world with a smile and a shimmy."
She shrugs, "I don't like public speaking."
"Are you fucking with me right now?"
"No! Why do you think I'm dragging you with me?"
"I thought you wanted an excuse to chill."
"As if." She sighs, "First of all I don't need an excuse to chill, second I need you to hold my hair back if I vomit."
"No can do princess, vomit is not my thing. I was anorexic for a reason."
"Okay low blow bitch."
I chuckle as she drums her fingers on the wheel. "But I will let you eat your feelings afterwards."
"Oh thank god."
"So what are you auditioning?"
"Girls got to pick between Fight For Me and Dead Girl Walking." She informs me. "I, for obvious reasons picked Dead Girl Walking."
I skip to that song on the playlist and everything suddenly makes sense. Mr. A didn't want Piper for this role, he needs her, like holy shit.
"You're my last meal on death row? Shit girl have you used that line on Jason?"
"No but I totally should." She chuckles, "Actually I should use, I'm hot and pissed and on the pill."
"Yes girl."
She pulls into the parking lot and takes a deep breath. "Tell me I can leave now."
"Not a chance bitch, I'm up at nine on a Saturday, you're doing this."
"Okay." She nervously climbs out of the car and into the auditorium. I'm super out of my element around all of these theatre nerds… I stick by Piper, watching Octavian recite lines towards a wall, that kid has always given me the creeps. There's something unsettling about someone who can just become a different person at the drop of a hat. Then there's Lacy sitting up against the wall listening to her music. And of course Drew is trying to look like a mega bitch.
Once Piper has signed herself up she turns to find me and scurries over to my side. "I hate myself, why am I doing this?"
"Because it's a grade."
"Let's bounce I don't need to pass Theatre, it's fucking Theatre!" I grab her arm before she can run out of the room.
"Hey now, no need to get freaky."
"You're right…"
"Alright auditioners please come into the theatre." Mr. A holds the door to the auditorium open. Piper grips my hand leading me into the theatre.
"Please don't leave."
"I'm not going anywhere." I tell her.
We sit together watching mediocre performances from a majority of the students. Some are pretty phenomenal but others are just sad. Finally Piper's number get's called. She looks at me as if the number 31 is going to shatter the earth. I smack her arm spurring her into action. Waltzing in an unsure manner she reaches the white X marking the center of the stage and stops.
"Um… My uh… Name is Piper and I'll be performing Dead Girl Walking…" She twists her hands together waiting for Mr. A to finish writing. She looks at me as if I'm her anchor in this moment, like every second won't count if I'm not here. I don't know why she's giving me that kind of power when I-... No, I'll be here for her, now is not the time to feel useless. Especially when I have this power to give someone else.
"Please go ahead." Mr. A finally says.
Piper presses her lips tightly together, rocks on her feet a little bit before opening her mouth. Her voice cracks a little bit as she searches for the words. When her eyes land on me I mouth the first words to her.
She nods before she starts singing, "The demon queen of high school has decreed it, she says monday 8 am I'll be deleted. They'll hunt me down in study hall, stuff and mount me on the wall, 30 hours to live, how shall I spend them?
"I don't have to stay and die like cattle, I could change my name and ride up to Seattle. But I don't own a motor bike… Wait… Here's an option that I like, spend these 30 hours getting freaky.
"I need it hard, I'm a dead girl walking. I'm in your yard, I'm a dead girl walking. Before they punch my clock, I'm snapping off your window lock, got no time to knock I'm a dead girl walking."
She isn't asked to stop singing, she just does; blushing furiously and trembling like her body is caught in an earthquake.
"Thank you." Mr. A says relieving her from the stage. She hurries off the stage back to me, nearly jumping into my lap to hide. I try to rub the shakes out of her hands, but it's a fruitless task. When the rest of the auditioners have gone through Mr. A dismisses everyone, Piper bolts out of the theatre and I am ashamed to say that I don't follow her out. I hang back watching the others mob the exit before strolling out into the parking lot. Piper is sitting in the car hunched over texting, I climb into the passenger side and buckle the seatbelt.
"So my dumb boyfriend is coming, do you mind?"
"Nah, are you-"
"Hush." She snorts yanking the auxiliary cord out of the port, the radio coughs to life as she begins to drive to the mall. I feel a sense of dread settle in my stomach.
"I'm sorry." I sputter out.
"Why?" I see the remnants of her shaking as she drives.
"I was supposed to be there for you and I fucked up."
"No you didn't. I fucked up. Did you hear me up there? I was a mess."
"No you weren't you killed it." I tell her.
"But my voice was shaking and my heart was racing and I was shaking so badly-"
"Shut up. Did you have a brain tumor for breakfast? You did something you didn't have to and you rocked it. You were born to be Veronica Sawyer alright?"
"But I don't want to be in a show…"
"Maybe you'll discover that's where you belong."
"Therapy has turned you into a sap."
I snort loudly, "God Piper, why do you have to be such a megabitch?"
She sends me an amused smirk, "Because I can be."
So here's the thing, ever since I was released from the hospital people have been treating me like I'm broken glass, a dangerous mess that can splinter and spread without notice. Only two people haven't looked at me like I'm broken; Piper and Percy. Piper doesn't seem to give a shit that I tried to kill myself, but she's also never going to let me live it down. But I appreciate it and her. That she doesn't care, or feel the need to make me feel better. She trusts me which is more than anyone else will do.
Percy… He looks at me like I'm something new, like if everyone else sees me as broken glass he sees me as a mosaic. Random broken pieces slapped together to make something new. He looks at me like I've been reborn, as if I am a phoenix just emerging from the ashes. It's a breath of fresh air, to be someone new in the eyes of someone who loves me.
And I like to think that if he can see me as something new, as something beautiful created out of something old and broken. Maybe I can be new.
We pull up to the pizza joint and get out of the car. Percy and Jason are there waiting for us to walk in. Piper runs in and covers Jason's eyes murmuring in his ear, "Guess who?" As I sit next to Percy.
Jason takes her hands and starts trying to lick them. "Ew!" She squirms out of his grasp.
"Hey you two only in the bedroom… Or the car… Or wherever the hell else you two kids do it." Percy laughs draping his arm around my shoulders. I scoot into his grasp just a bit more.
She climbs over Jason's lap to sit next to him. "So how'd it go?" He asks as she settles in.
"We won't speak of it."
"Oh come the fuck on." I roll my eyes.
"What?" She challenges me.
"Nothing." I groan, "You're just a liar."
"Hey now, I'm a lot of things. Hoe, whore, bitch, but a liar I will never be."
"Damn we can't crucify her now." Percy snaps, "But you know who we can crucify?"
"You're such an old lady in a nursing home." Jason snorts.
"Drew got caught giving some guy head in the fine arts building, but since it was after school they can't do anything about it." He laughs.
"Wow and I thought your hoe levels were off the chart, Pipes." I chuckle.
"Well we do run in the same circles, now I'm just doing laps." She winks at Jason who tilts his head back to cackle.
"But Drew's a true bitch." Percy snorts.
"Don't talk about her like that." Piper says.
"Why not? It's true, and you don't even like her." Jason says.
"You know she was like patient zero for that one time STD's were spreading through the school." I comment.
"She likes sex and yeah she's kind of abrasive… But still-"
"Abrasive is the nice way of putting it." Percy says.
"Drew told me that she grew up thinking sex was the only way to get any kind of affection. That's what happens when mommy dearest is an escort. But I guess that's not an excuse for her being a massive bitch. But then again… so am I."
"What's your story then?" Percy asks.
"Why am I a bitch or why am I a hoe?"
"I guess they're intertwined huh?"
"You'd think that." But she doesn't actually respond and I'm not willing to press her further. Neither of the other two say anything as we're served the pizza our boyfriends apparently already ordered.
I burst out laughing in the silence catching their attention. "God you're salty." I tell her.
"I try." She flips her hair over one shoulder.
Percy offers to drive me home, the two of us don't actually go home after lunch though. He drives me to a park where we sit on the merry-go-round. He places one hand on my thigh, the other holds my hand.
"So I've decided to start at community college." He says softly, his thumb caressing where my scars sit innocently under the denim. "I know it's not that impressive, and I know that it's probably going to get looked down upon, but I can handle it and that's a start. School just isn't good for me. I might be a fireman or a paramedic or something, I'm not too sure yet."
I nod, looking at our hands. The bones in his knuckles stick out, and his veins are well defined. I twist our wrists occupying my hands with his.
"I think I finally get what my mom has been saying all of these years."
"What's that?" I ask.
"There is no wrong way to live."
What a nice thought, that everything you're doing is the right thing. Even if it's hard, or disapproved of, it's the right thing, because it's you. It's your life and your choices, every step you take is the right one. I look up into his eyes and I smile.
"I like that. There's no wrong way to live."
He smiles back at me, "So what about you? Where are you thinking about going?"
I find it hard to say these words but I've done harder things. "I'm hoping for either MIT Cornell or Rice."
"Damn, big schools for a girl with big dreams."
I let out a pent up breath, "I know what you're thinking."
"Do you?"
"Yeah, that it might not be safe for me to leave, but Percy I've got to-"
"And you're wrong." He chuckles.
"I am?"
"Annabeth, you want to get better now, don't you?"
"Well, yeah-"
"That's huge, if you want to get better nothing can stop you." He takes my hand and kisses the top, "You my dear, can and will do just about anything you want. And if you can't do it, you just can't do it yet."
My heart feels warm when he says that. I remember all of my trashy dystopian novels, how the girls feel love, or at the very least like a guy. Their hearts feel warm, and they feel good. I smile saying, "I'm glad someone gets it."
"I'm glad you get it." He chuckles.
This time, I lean forward to kiss him, the merry go round rocks to one side as I sit up. But I don't go numb when I let our lips touch. Instead I feel prickly, like my skin is coming to life and my face feels warm. Like I've never had so much life inside of me. And then I start laughing, kissing him and laughing because oh my god does it feel good to be alive.
I want him, and I want this life, and I'm suddenly not afraid of anything anymore. I can take on this world. I can touch other people's lives, hell I can give life. I am invincible. And even when he stops kissing me to hold my cheek in his hands I don't stop feeling alive.
His intimidating green eyes are bright with laughter, and I am here, present, alive. Why did I ever want to give this up?
Why did I want this to end?
I never want this to end.
And it isn't because of him, my boyfriend, or even his kiss. It's because he believes in me. Do you understand how beautiful it is to have someone believe in you?
"I knew you'd get it eventually knucklehead." He snorts.
"Get what?"
"Get this," He leans forward rocking the merry go round again. "That as far as the future is concerned it's all good." He kisses me again.
And how could this moment get any better? I believe him.
