Admissions

March 30, 1838

Arnold laid his head on his arms, which in turn laid on the high-top table. Gerald sat patiently across from him, waiting for his friend to say… anything. Gerald didn't know what happened that day, but he knew something went down on the taser call. After a few minutes Arnold finally lifted his head. His eyes looked tired.

"She said she loved me," Arnold muttered.

Gerald wasn't sure he heard him right. "Pardon?"

"Helga. She said she loved me. At the scene."

"She just dropped that bomb on you like it was no big deal?"

"Oh no, it was very much a big deal. She was crying, saying she thought she lost me when I didn't answer on the radio."

"Helga G. Pataki was crying? And she said she loved you?" Gerald was having difficulty comprehending the scenario Arnold was laying before him. Helga the Harpy, reduced to tears? By Arnold?

"Yup. Said I was the only man that showed her any kindness, that she couldn't lose me, and that she loved me. Trust me, man, I was just as shocked as you are right now."

Gerald realized his jaw was hanging open. "What did you say?"

Arnold groaned. "I didn't say anything."

"Arnold, the craziest woman either of us has ever met tells you she loves you, after making you miserable for most of your time here, and you don't say anything?"

Arnold sat up. "What the hell am I supposed to say to that?"

"Uh, I don't know, 'thank you'? 'I appreciate the thought, but I like you as a friend'? Or God forbid, 'I love you too?' Basically, anything besides nothing at all?"

"That's just it Gerald, I didn't know what to say because I didn't know how I felt about her. A big part of me sees her as my partner and friend, a part sees her as the crazy woman she puts out to the world, and part of me… part of me wonders if I don't feel some genuine affection for her. Then she says it was just the heat of the moment and to pretend it never happened."

Gerald's phone pinged. He looked at it briefly and scowled. "Well you better come up with something soon, my friend. Because Phoebe is here, and she sounds pissed."

Arnold's face fell. "I don't suppose I can slip out the back before she gets here."

"You!" a female voice yelled behind him.

"Nope," Gerald said.

Phoebe walked up to Arnold and shoved him so hard he fell out of the chair. He barely got his legs under him before the chair fell over. Phoebe started punching him in the arm repeatedly. "What the fuck is wrong with you?! You must be the densest person I've ever met, and I'm dating Gerald!"

Gerald frowned. "Why am I getting dragged into this?"

Phoebe shot him a look and pointed a dangerous looking finger at him. "You stay out of it!"

Gerald put his hands up in surrender. "Staying."

Phoebe wasn't sure if he was mocking her or not, but she didn't care. She turned back to Arnold. "That girl tells you the biggest secret she's ever held, and you don't even have the balls to say anything to her? Not a fucking word?" People in the bar were starting to stare. Gerald backed away slowly toward the bar and the safety of another beer.

"I didn't know what to say! She dropped that bomb on me and I didn't know what to do with it!" Arnold protested. Is this really Phoebe? She's acting more like Helga right now, he thought.

"Because your football shaped head is so far up your own ass that you can't see what's right in front of you! I know you're aware of how hard it is for her to open up about anything. You've gotten a glimpse of what things are like at home. Helga behaves the way she does so that she doesn't get hurt, but you hurt her worse than anyone possibly could have by keeping your mouth shut. You would have done less damage by saying you didn't love her at all!" Phoebe's hands were balled into fists, the knuckles white. Her face was red, and tears of anger were sneaking out of the corners of her eyes.

"Phoebe… I just…"

"You just what, Arnold? She's sitting at home right now, crying her eyes out, because she thinks she just ruined one of the most important relationships she's ever had with anyone. And you don't even know the things she's done for…" Phoebe trailed off. She may have overstepped on that one, and she knew it. Arnold is dense, she thought, but he's definitely going to catch that.

He glared at her. "What do you mean the things she's done for me? You mean all the grief she gives me any time someone is around? The mixed signals I get from her all the God damned time? The crazy calls she gets me wrapped up in? Tell me if I'm missing something, Phoebe, please. Because I feel like you mean something specific."

Phoebe sighed. Helga will kill me, but it's for her own good. "How do you think Audrey came home?" she asked quietly.

Arnold blinked. "Helga had something to do with Audrey Peterson?"

"Helga called me after you went into the locker room to change and asked me if I could crack a cell phone. We have a machine that can do it in the lab, but I need a sworn deputy to supervise me. She signed off on it and we buried the paperwork, so no one would ask questions. Questions which never arose because Helga found texts from some idiot, located him through Facebook with pictures of Audrey on his profile, drove out to his place two counties over, and illegally entered his residence to get her out and bring her home. She dropped her off that night and swore the kid to secrecy because she didn't want you to know she did it."

Arnold stared at Phoebe in shock. Helga was my Christmas miracle? "Helga risked her entire career to find my missing person in time for Christmas? She risked jail for…me?"

Phoebe nodded. "She's been infatuated with you from the start. Before your field training was over, she was in love with you. But she couldn't let you know because she never felt worthy of you. Helga has never known her worth. She's more damaged by her parents neglect than anyone knows. But Helga has a great heart. You… can't tell her you know."

"Why not?"

"She didn't do it for recognition. She did it because she wanted you to be happy. She cares more about your happiness than she does about anything for herself. She never wants recognition for anything she does. Helga is tough in many ways, and remarkably delicate in others."

Arnold nodded slowly. "That much I figured out." He rubbed his face with both hands. "Phoebe, I'm being totally honest when I say I don't now how I feel about her and what she said. I care about her deeply. She was my partner for months, and I feel like she's a good friend when it's just the two of us. But she tossed this on me out of the blue." Her nickname. Our private nickname. "I… I may love her too. I just never thought of her in those terms. She made things clear she didn't want to date anyone, let alone me."

Phoebe smiled sadly. "Well, you're going to need to think about it, and then you're going to have to talk to her about all of this. For what it's worth, I think you would both be good for one another."

Arnold snorted. "Don't tell that to Gerald."

Phoebe nodded. "He doesn't see her the way you or I do. He only sees the Helga everyone else does, the one she wants them to see. But you. You found a way through the wall, somehow. No one else has ever done that."

Arnold stared at the table for a moment, then stood up and started to put on his jacket. "I need to talk to her."

Phoebe shook her head. "No, not right now."

Arnold looked at her. "You said she's sitting at home crying. I won't let her do that on my account."

"Arnold, don't talk to her until you figure out how you feel about her. Otherwise you're not going to solve anything. She'll make it through this. Even when Helga's broken she's still as tough as they come. She's a phoenix in that regard."

Arnold gave a slight smile. "I have no doubt. She really is one of kind."

Phoebe nudged him with her elbow. "And don't you forget it… bucko."

Arnold grinned. "You're something yourself, Miss Phoebe. When I finally do talk to her about this, I'm going to make sure she knows you came in here like a tiger. She'd be proud of you."

Phoebe blushed. "I'm sorry. You made me pretty mad. I hate seeing her get hurt, and I told her that you, of all people, wouldn't hurt her. She's really a beautiful person inside."

Arnold looked at the floor. "Inside and out," he whispered. Phoebe heard it and smiled. Arnold looked at her. "Can you do me one favor?"

"Of course."

"Tell Blue not to give up on me just because I've got paste for brains."

Phoebe gave him a confused look. "Blue?"

"Her eyes," he said.

"Ah."


Helga laid on her bed with her cell phone in her hand, gazing at the photo of her and Arnold with their arms around one another, smiling. I ruined it. I ruined everything. The best thing to ever come into my life and I broke it. I never deserved any of it. She clutched the pink ribbon in her other hand and pressed it to her chest. She squeezed her eyes shut and tears ran down her cheeks. Her phone pinged, and she opened them slowly. It was a text from Phoebe. I told her not to go down there. I told her to just leave him alone. She opened the message.

"Blue, don't give up on me just because I've got paste for brains"-Football Head

Helga allowed herself a sad smile. In that moment, she remembered Shakespeare.

When, in disgrace with fortune and men's eyes,
I all alone beweep my outcast state,
And trouble deaf heaven with my bootless cries,
And look upon myself, and curse my fate,
Wishing me like to one more rich in hope,
Featur'd like him, like him with friends possess'd,
Desiring this man's art and that man's scope,
With what I most enjoy contented least;
Yet in these thoughts myself almost despising,
Haply I think on thee, and then my state,
Like to the lark at break of day arising
From sullen earth, sings hymns at heaven's gate;
For thy sweet love remember'd such wealth brings
That then I scorn to change my state with kings.

All hope is not lost, she thought. She finally closed her eyes and drifted off to sleep.

A/N: I was told I'd have reviewed chapters last night but sadly, that did not happen. Being an impatient fellow, here's another one. Let me know what you think of the ending. I'm not sure if I like it or not.

Kryten: No, not really. Arnold is dense, but this older version of him is somewhat less so. But he's still slow when it comes to working out feelings.

Nep2uune: Will it be Arnold or Helga that freaks out?

Guest: Dispatch wouldn't have been able to hear that. Luckily for Helga, someone has to be holding down the transmit button on a radio for them to hear anything. That's one of the things that makes being a dispatcher difficult. You send people you know (and maybe even like!) into dangerous situations and you won't hear from them for minutes. It's stressful not knowing what's going on at the scene, especially when you're charged with making the decision to send extra help or not if you can't reach that person. And this is an intersection in a rural part of the county. There may be cars there, but no pedestrians. So, it's unlikely that any of the passersby would have heard her. She's safe, for now.

Ajay: The incident occurred off the frame of Arnold's dash cam, so Wartz wouldn't have much to go on for disciplinary proceedings (only particularly fancy departments have those 360-degree cameras on their cars; we have one facing forward and one that covers the prisoner compartment). Fuzzy Slippers will definitely be referenced in part two. Also, my big hang-up with edited chapters is that I enjoy getting a female perspective before I post anything with Helga or Phoebe. I'd be lying if I said I had even the slightest understanding of the female mind. If I did, I would not have been single for as long as I have been. She's also not very familiar with either police work or Hey Arnold, so her perspective on the story is relatively fresh.