BPOV:
It hurts to say it, but time passes. Maybe for a while it would seem that things are going over in slow motion. That's what it felt like to me, anyways. Especially because sleeping is never on my to do list. Not any more.
It hit one morning not instantaneously. I waited for Charlie to wake up, as had become my routine. When he left I 'dragged' my feet to change cloths, I was moving too slow, as had become my custom every morning.
I went to school went through my classes in a deep haze and finally headed toward lunch. I don't remember when exactly I had begun to sit with Jessica and her crew again. But there I was sitting on the edge next to Angela. I was picking at my food slowly, as to seem normal, half listening to the conversation that was being carried. Then a word hit me from one side.
Big Bears.
"Yeah, I heard of those." I said not really thinking. "My dad is working on the case." I was still picking at my food. But I could feel all their eyes on me as if I had become radio active.
I looked up at them slowly, but quickly looked down. They simply continued the conversation as if I hadn't said a word.
By the time school ended. I was quite aware of everything. A bright new car stood out in the parking lot. Something that was sure to be owned by some one rich. I remembered seeing cars like that every day. But this one was an SUV, a certain shade of blue, nice and new. Probably fast, like they liked them. I tried not to think about them, that family. But I remembered them all. I rushed a little faster away from the car and nearly blurred into my truck.
I rushed home. Pushing my truck to its limit. But it didn't shutter, like I though it would have. Then I remembered...a certain some one...hated the slowness of my truck...
I shook her furiously out of my head.
When I arrived I decided to leave Charlie a note. Suddenly I didn't feel like staying home to wait for him to sleep, so I can leave. But I didn't want to hunt either. Those newborns were almost gone. I could wait until night fall to finish them off. I had another destination in mind. I revved up the engine of my truck and slowly, but peacefully made my way to the border.
Like I said it was a peaceful ride. All I could hear from my sensitive ears was the wind and off more the ocean waves crashing on the beach. I rode until I heard them close enough and stopped at the sign that indicated I was entering La Push.
I there waiting to hear anything. Or someone, something. I already knew who was patrolling this certain area so it came to me as no surprise when a shaggy brown wolf came into view. He was bigger than I remembered him. Although I had only seen him a week or so ago when I fed.
He stopped cold in front of the sign. Unsure of what to do. I smiled inwardly. This was the first time I approached La Push, in any way with out Charlie. I was probably freaking him out. I stepped out and raised my hands in the air, to show him no threat.
"I just want to chat." I whispered, but knew he heard me.
The wolf sprang into the forest and seconds later emerged as the human he was, in cut off shorts. He smiled at me brilliantly. He seemed to have picked up my good mood. I knew he noted the difference in me.
"It's good to hear you speak." He said as he walked casually over the border to where I was. I rolled my eyes, why was he able to break the treaty, it worked both ways right?
"How are things?" I asked. "I heard you guys were making a commotion with the campers?"
"Just trying to keep them safe." He said looking me over, quite surprised at my wake up. "So...what happened now?" ha asked.
"Time passes." I stated, putting my hands in the pockets of my sweater. "Mind if I just hang here for a while? It's my day off from work...and I don't want to be home."
"Sure...just don't pass." He said nodding slowly.
"And...I wanted you to check the truck for me...if your not too busy." I said gesturing to my old faithful.
"Sure, what's wrong with it?" he asked heading to pop the lid.
"I went over fifty with no complaint." I said. He arched a brow before opening it. When he did I saw him disappear to inspect it. He whistled.
"Some one added some new parts. High quality, too...fast making." He came up smiling. "I thought you didn't know about cars?"
"I don't...some one else did it." I said remembering that girl and her curiosity for cars, just like her brother. I pushed them away to the far corner of my mind. Right then I was with Jacob, they shouldn't be bothering me.
"Well they hooked you up good." he said inspecting it one more time. "I wouldn't be surprised if you out run Charlie's cruiser."
"Any new car could out run that cruiser." I said smiling a little.
He gapped at me. "Was that a smile?" He asked chuckling.
"No.." I said looking away. He slowly walked to me.
"Yes it was." He smiled as he got closer.
"Don't." I warned him.
"Admit it. That was a smile." He pressed.
"Ok, ok...it was. Just don't get any closer." I said putting my hands in front of me and backing away slowly. Just then a breeze blew by sending my scent in his direction. He stopped and wrinkled his nose holding a cough.
"Oh...wow." He said. "I almost forgot."
"Good thing I can't forget. Huh?" I said still moving backwards slowly. "At least I could still smell fresh air." I mumbled, but as soon as those words left my mouth I instantly regretted them. Because he ran to me, knocking me to the ground leaving the both of us in tangles. My nose instantly filling up with his wet dog scent. And his over heated body enveloping me in a choking warmth. He was laughing.
"There...now we are even." he said as he lifted off of me.
"Even from what?" I asked outraged. "I didn't do anything to you!"
"Oh but you did." he said still smiling. "You knew what way the breeze was blowing and intentionally stood where you were so that the breeze wouldn't carry my scent to you."
I arched a brow. About that much he was right...I didn't want the breeze to carry his scent to me. Was I that obvious? "Alright...you got me." I said. "But now I have to wash this smell off of me..." I rolled my eyes.
"It's ok, I do too." He said. I didn't get up from the ground. Instead I just sat there, motionless. He joined me after several moments. "At least I got to see a small smile again." He said.
I looked up at him and he was still smiling. Did he never stop?
"Jacob?"
"Yeah."
"I'm finally awake." I said. "But why is it so hard to forget? I try so hard. But there he is...as perfect as ever still looking at me."
"I don't know why it's so hard to forget." He said. "At least for you...but maybe you could try to make new memories...better ones."
"I wish it were that easy." I said in a whisper. "But I remember everything. Right now that I have come back to reality all I want to do is forget...but I cant and then all I want to do is cry, and then I remember that I can't...and it frustrates me and...and..."
"Shh...don't push your self." He whispered. I felt his hand move and brush my arm swiftly. His warmth left a hot spot on my cold skin. It felt odd. I looked at him and he had replaced his smile with a face of concern.
A corner of my mouth lifted. "Thank's for trying." He smiled.
"See. You smiled again." he said.
"Can I ask you something?"
"Yeah."
"Why are you so attached to me, but when you speak of them you...bad mouth them?" I asked.
He frowned and let out his breath slowly, contemplating what to say.
"I guess...I got to know you better. Everyone tells me you guys are bad things...but when I met you, I saw nothing wrong, and when I found out what you were...you didn't seem different. But it was my job to assume you were bad. Then I saw you that day, asking for me to tear you apart. You just seemed so...human...more human than ever." He huffed.
"Go on." I pressed in a whisper.
"And I think...it's you. I...like...you. For you. Not what you are. And that's so difficult...because I can't. You have no idea the trouble I get into every time I think of you, when I'm a wolf."
"What do you mean, when you are a wolf?"
He smiled. "I can't keep my thoughts to my self as a wolf. It's how we communicate. They'll know everything I've said to you by the time I shift again."
"Won't you get in trouble? Big time?" I asked.
"Well...yeah. But, what can they do? They can't really tell me 'no' don't do that. I mean they can, but it's not like I have to." He smiled cynically. "I'm sorry."
"What for?" I asked.
"For telling you the way I feel. I know you probably don't want to hear it right now."
In a way he was right. I didn't want to know of any one else that liked me. I wasn't ready. At least that's what I thought. It was too soon to think of any one else. I still worried for him and his well being. But maybe this was my opportunity to move on, if I could. I couldn't be stuck like this for the rest of my forever. For all I knew he was very happy where ever he was, away from the Cullen's and myself. His life could go on, why couldn't mine?
"It's ok." I said. "Some times it's good to talk to some one who doesn't know what you think twenty four seven." I smiled a real smile, and it felt stiff. Something I hadn't done in a long time, but it was real. At least. He smiled too.
"Who knows...maybe one day..." he began.
"I don't think so." I interjected. "Too many differences, and a lot of hate on your side." He chuckled.
"I know...but we can be friends." he said smiling.
"Friends." I repeated.
We stayed quite after that, unable to say anything else to each other. But it was ok, it was a comfortable silence in which we enjoyed each others company. It wasn't until a silver wolf only slightly bigger than Jacob emerged from the bush that he spoke.
"I have to go." He said standing up and looking at the wolf. I nodded.
"Ok...I have to get going too, Charlie might be waiting for me."
He gave me a smile and I couldn't help but return it. There was something about Jacob that juat brought the best out of me.
"I'm really glad you're awake now." He said. "And smiling again."
"Thank you, I think." I said and he chuckled.
"See you later." He said and turned to head into the woods.
I walked bak to my truck and revved up the engine, the Silver wolf was still there watching me as I left. Probably just making sure I did leave. I hadn't noticed they thought me that much of a threat. I never really gave them a reason to either. They were the ones happy that I had eliminated more the half the newborns out there.
When I got to the house Charlie wasn't home yet. In fact, it wasn't even twilight yet. I decided to go in and make him some dinner for when he did get home. That would surprise him, I hadn't cooked a meal in months. I hadn't had to...
I made something fast. Anything that wouldn't take too long. When I was done I proceeded into my room and sat on my bed, replaying all that I had been through from the moment he left.
That was a long time ago, it seemed, now. And I had gone through my own personal hell. A hell on earth. I must have scared some of the locals out there, mainly my school mates. I realized I was acting human at all. Not even Vampire, more zombie following a set schedule each day. I even remembered going off on Charlie and Rene when Rene tried to take me away from here...but that was necessary. I need to stay here, for obvious reasons.
And then it hit me. What the heck have I been doing? I moped for more than a month for crying out loud! While he was, I don't know, enjoying, his stay at an expensive hotel out in Cancun, protected by the sun? Screw that, right? If he didn't feel pain that night while he tore my un beating heart out, why should I have to suffer?
But I will always love him.
I spent most of the night pondering my options, move on or stay stuck. It was about midnight that I realized Charlie had gotten home already and was the one making the snoring noises. I decided I'd got out to the city and scout.
When I got there it was oddly quiet, except for the few cars that passed by. I scouted the city and came to the conclusion that they had moved on. In a sense that was a bad thing. Bad for all the other cities surrounding Seattle, Good because...well, just maybe he would want to come back.
Or not.
Maybe they wouldn't bother us anymore. They would be going against werewolves who's job is to destroy them all.
I started to walk around, aimlessly. About fifteen minutes later I caught a scent. Two to be exact. A human and a vampire. I paused to listen for sounds, there was shuffling, but that was all I could hear. No sounds of struggle or fear. I edged closer to the smells...
"Oh, I smell a cousin." Said a voice that sounded so familiar it made me stop cold. I wasn't far from where they were, maybe just a few feet.
"Don't be scared." She said. "I won't bite you."
I didn't know what to do. I wasn't scared. I was more in shock. What was she doing here? Was it coincidence that she was here, or was she following me? Was she in line with James?
And as if she read my mind... "James is no longer here. Why don't you come share this meal with me?" I could have vomited, if I could. I heard her chuckle. "I'm sorry, I forgot your diet, little one."
So she knew me, most definitely. She was most likely keeping tabs on me for James.
"He must be very annoyed." I whispered thinking out loud.
"You have no idea." She replied. "You have after all delayed his plans, but he'll get back on track."
"Not if I can help it." I said turning to leave. I didn't attack her for two reasons. The first one being, she was dangerous and obviously stronger than me. Second, I wanted her to keep tabs on me. I wanted her to tell James how dangerous I could be, how hard it will be to get rid of me. I wouldn't get myself killed for no reason.
I headed home.
On my way I ran into Jacob who was patrolling in wolf form. I didn't stop, he just made sure I didn't cross the border. I got home but he followed me. I stopped a few yards from my house.
"What do you want?" I hissed in a whisper.
I knew he was behind me listening.
"I just wanted to make sure you got home safe." He said from the dark of the forest.
"Thanks, but I think you could go now." I heard him yawn.
"I think I should sleep on your bed tonight." he joked.
"Ha, ha. No...you can sleep there where you are. Don't you ever rest?"
"Not entirely." He said stepping out in basket ball shorts. "We've been working double shifts."
"Well you could go back to single shifts. I went out there tonight and they left. They'll be back but, for now they're gone."
"Thank's for the information, but I don't think Sam will care. It could be a diversion to get us to put our forces down."He said frowning.
"I guess..."
He stepped out of the darkness and glided almost as smoothly as a vampire towards me.
"I'm sorry I have to tell you this." He said. "But, the pack sees you as more of a threat now that you are conscious of what you are doing."
"What do you mean?" I asked.
"I mean...you were easier to keep in control, before today."
"Is that so?" I asked. "It was easier to keep control over me. You actually think I would act out? You think now that I know what I'm doing I will go off and kill innocent people just so I can eat?"
"I never said I thought that." He stated.
"I have always controlled my actions, and that won't change now that I have gotten the courage to 'wake up.' I remember everything I've done, I'm not stupid, Jacob."
"I know you're not. Okay. It's not my choice to decide who is a threat to the area." He said. "I'm here to make sure you don't do anything...bad."
"What!?" I hissed in a loud whisper. "They sent you to make sure I didn't do anything bad?"
"They figured you wouldn't hurt me." he said backing away slowly.
"Gosh, Jacob. Does nobody trust me...ever?" I said and ran off. Was I really that much of a threat? I didn't get far when I saw his brown form following me at my same speed.
I stopped at the base of a mountain, close to the springs I had found almost a year ago. I turned to find Jacob facing me in those same basket ball shorts. I thought he would have ripped through them.
"Bella, please." He said. "We just don't want any casualties."
"I'll give you a casualty!" I yelled and rammed into him pinning him to the ground. I didn't punch him, though I really wanted to. "Why does every one have to be a Jerk to me!" I yelled at him. I could feel his warmth spread through me. But it was more than warmth it was a searing heat.
"I'm not trying to be a jerk." he gasped. "Just doing my job. Bella, why would I be a jerk to you after what I told you this afternoon?" I stopped, got off and sat on the ground.
"I guess you're right." I said. "I think I over reacted."
"No...it's natural." He said sitting up. "I was expecting it...sort of."
"I'm really sorry." And I was. I didn't know exactly why I reacted in that way. But I did regret it. He really wanted to help me out and be a friend. I didn't want to lose his friendship. I was building something new and he was my foundation.
"I think I need to rest." He said and closed his eyes. 'Don't do anything rash, please."
"I wont." I promised. Soon he was dozing and snoring lightly. I looked up at the sky and was overwhelmed by the intensity of the stars staring down at me.
