Media: Fic
Title: Solar Winds (Avatar: The Last Airbender Fusion, 29/?)
Rating: PG-13 for innuendo, some swearing.
Spoilers: None for either series that I am aware of.
Warnings: Cursing, innuendo, violence.
Word Count: ~7000
Summary: Kurt Hummel, the current Avatar, finds a Firebending teacher in the young Prince Blaine. Is that all he finds? Or will circumstances conspire to push them into becoming more, to the world and each other?
Author's Note: And now, the ultimate test of patience—a segment of what is ostensibly a Klaine fic without either Kurt or Blaine. D: What is wrong with me? All I can do is assure you that these two chapters have a pretty epic payoff later and try to make them as enjoyable as possible. So, without further ado, I present… our bad guys! ^_^
ALSO: Please note that the days are numbered here to correspond with the days of the timeline in previous chapters.
CHAPTER 29 – Bad Reputation, Part 1
Day 0
It is late evening when Quinn enters the military base like a meteor enters the atmosphere—quickly, forcefully, and with a great deal of friction. The door flies open like it's afraid of her (and rightfully so) and she stares down the room of grey-haired men with her head bitch smirk secured firmly in place.
"Hello," she says, smiling that cruel little smile of hers. "I'm Quinn Fabray, and as of today, I own you."
One man with a mildly impressive grey mustache steps forward, shocked at this outrage. "Now, see here…" he says.
"I see perfectly, thank you. Now, let's test your eyesight. What does this," she asks, holding up an ornate scroll, "look like?"
"That's… that's the seal of the Fire Lord! How… why…" he sputters.
Quinn brushes him off casually. "'Why' doesn't matter. All that matters is that this official, signed document puts me in charge of you. And I have orders for you." She snaps her fingers, and a girl in a tight-fitting, yet flexible suit of armor marches into the room, presenting her with a stack of posters. "This," she says, holding one of them up, "is the Avatar."
"The Avatar is a dinosaur?" the man says, scratching his chin.
"There may have been a small degree of artistic license taken. The face is what's important. As of now, he is officially priority capture number one in the Fire Nation, so I want these," she says, thrusting the posters into the confused man's arms with almost enough force to knock him over, "distributed to every corner of the Fire Nation by sundown. Every base, every harbor, every train station, everywhere that might present him with a means to escape the country. If any of those places do not feature round-the-clock military patrols, see to it that they are instated immediately. The Avatar must not leave the Fire Nation alive."
"Ummmm," the man stammers slightly, still reeling from the shock of being so suddenly superseded by this shrew. "What are we to do if we find the Avatar?"
"Capture him," she says. "Him, and anyone with him. And anyone seen assisting, speaking to, or even looking at him for longer than two seconds. Once you've done that, you are to notify me immediately via messenger hawk and you are to make damn sure that none of the prisoners are able to even consider an escape plan before I arrive. Are we clear?"
The man is annoyed and flustered, his cheeks starting to look like polished apples with how red and shiny they are. Nonetheless, he is powerless, and he knows it. The Fire Lord's pretty much sealed his fate. "Yes," he says, gritting his teeth.
"What was that?" Quinn asks pointedly.
He sighs. "Yes… ma'am."
"Much better. Now, I have things to take care of. I assume you can handle this relatively simple task without my help. Don't prove me wrong." With that, she turns and marches primly out of the room, with every soldier staring daggers into her back.
Quinn feels the animosity pretty clearly. They're angry at her. That simply will not do—anger is useless unless properly directed. "Oh," she says, stopping at the door without turning around. "And one more thing. As of today, facial hair is against Fire Nation military regulation. All soldiers are required to be clean shaven at all times. Like this…"
Again, without even glancing at them, she raises her hand, points two delicate-looking fingers, and proceeds to fire off a rapid series of bite-sized flame bullets at various points in the room. There are a few gasps and sputters of shock, and at least one actual squeal. All in the span of about two seconds.
Having finished, she turns around to survey her handiwork. In place of a room with angry grey-haired men, she has quickly and easily created a room of gobsmacked bald ones. In place of an unhealthy atmosphere of anger, she has created a lovely air of fear. "There," she says. "Much better, don't you think?"
She leaves without waiting for their answer.
After all, it's not like she actually cares what they think.
Day 1
"Holy motherfuck," Puck says, gaping at the magnificent creature in front of him. "Where have you been all my life?"
"I'm guessing 'in a stable,'" Santana snarks from behind him. It lacks the usual bite, however.
"Are you not seeing this?" Puck says, gesturing to the beast. It has the muscular body, head, and hide of a rhino, with the tail, legs, claws and teeth of a giant lizard. Not to mention a rhino's horn (plus two bonus horns from below its ears). "This is the most badass creature I've ever seen. It's like someone just took everything that makes animals awesome and giftwrapped it for me. The only way this thing could possibly be more epic is if it breathed fire. HOLY SHIT," Puck says, turning to the stable attendant. "Do these breathe fire?"
The attendant regards him like he might regard a recently stepped in pile of rhino droppings. "No," he says flatly, looking at him from just over his clipboard.
"Damn it," Puck says. "Still. Fucking awesome. How much for one?"
"Not for sale," the attendant deadpans.
"Come on, dude! I will pay out the ass for one of these."
"No," the man says with a bit more force. "They are bred for Fire Nation Military use only."
Puck kicks miserably at the ground. "Damn it!" he says, turning his eyes toward the stables. He looks almost tearful. "Can't I just have one of the little sickly ones? I'll raise it into an ultra-badass, I promise."
"Puck!" Santana says, exasperated. "Give it up, already! It's not happening."
"Thank you," the annoyed attendant sighs, resuming his clipboard-related duties.
The mohawked man just stares longingly at the rhino pen. "…fuck that noise," he mutters. "I'm having me a damn lizard rhino."
"They're called 'Komodo Rhinos,'" Quinn sneers as she walks towards them, "and I assure you, you aren't."
"Ah," the attendant says. "Captain Fabray, I'm glad you're here. The mounts the Fire Lord requested are ready and waiting for you." He gestures to the stables. "These are bred from the finest stock. Strong, fast, enduring, and shockingly low-maintenance."
Quinn surveys the rhinos with a cool air. "Excellent," she says with a small, but strangely honest smile. "Thank you, stableman."
The stableman bows, and marches off to attend to the other animals. Meanwhile, Puck leans over and stage-whispers to Santana. "Holy shit. Did she just act… like… not-bitchy to that guy?"
Quinn rolls her eyes. "Not that you'll ever learn firsthand," she says casually, "but in the rare occasion I find someone who is capable of doing their job well without whining or bitching about it, I actually appreciate it." At this, she puts two fingers in her mouth and whistles.
The Chi-Ryu Elites are next to her in like one second flat. There are six of them, dressed in light, flexible armor in a primarily red and white color scheme. They walk in and stand in perfect formation, practically breathing in unison. Quinn gestures to them with a smile. "This is my squad," she says casually. "Hand-picked for their efficiency, skill, and cohesiveness. They know how to get the job done. Maybe you'll learn a little something from them." She claps. "CHI-RYUS," she says. "PACK THE RHINOS AND PREPARE TO LEAVE IMMEDIATELY."
Even as they set off in different directions, the girls seem to walk in unison, almost as if marching to an unseen drummer.
"I wonder how they'd be in a threesome," Puck says aloud.
Santana sighs. "Puck doesn't really do learning," she says to no one in particular.
To her surprise, Quinn actually huffs out a little laugh. "I had a hunch you were the brains of the duo," she says casually, before steeling back into bitch mode, almost like she suddenly remembered 'oh yeah, I fucking hate these people.' "Not that this is saying much," she adds.
Santana remembers too. "Whatever," she says. "So how exactly do you plan on tracking down the Avatar?" she asks, voice soaked through with false friendliness.
"Don't you worry about that," Quinn says 'reassuringly.' "You just worry about following orders. I'll take care of the rest."
The lady assassin rolls her eyes. She doesn't know for sure, but she has a decent guess as to what the 'plan' is, and if she's right… well, then they'll see who the brains of the outfit is.
Puck misses the entire exchange, having gone back to staring longingly at the beautiful animals he can have but not keep. Sometimes, the universe is a cruel, cruel place.
Santana fucking loves being right. It's the only thing in the world she could ever love enough to settle down with. You know, if it were like a person or something.
They stumble upon the giant rock boat early the next morning.
And then they proceed to waste a shit-ton poking around the area like dipshits.
"They aren't here," Santana says casually, still relaxing in the saddle.
"And how would you know that?" Quinn asks from nearby.
"Because I'm the brains," she says casually.
The Chi-Ryu Captain scoffs at her and goes back to scouring the area.
Santana goes back to filing her nails.
(Puck mainly forages for shit to feed his rhino. He has to get it to like him before they run away and have epic adventures together.)
"I found something!" one of the Chi-Ryus announces after a few hours.
Quinn immediately rushes over to the scenes. "What is it?" she asks.
"Look!" she says, pointing to the ground nearby. It's a little wetter than the surrounding area. There are even a few puddles nearby.
Quinn cups her chin thoughtfully. "Hmmm… good find," she says. "It hasn't rained recently, so there should be no reason for this much water unless someone brought it here."
"Good job!" Santana coos from the saddle. "I'm impressed it only took you this long to figure it out. I had that three hours ago."
"And why didn't you tell us this?" Quinn asks.
Santana shrugs. "Why give something as priceless as my opinion to someone who won't even appreciate it?"
The Chi-Ryu rolls her eyes. "I brought you along so you could help. If you don't intend to do that, then I'll be happy to dump you out at the nearest guard tower."
"Oh," Santana says, putting a hand to her heart. "I'd love to help. Just apologize to me for being such a bitch and admit that I'm better than you, and I'll get right on it."
Quinn is extremely not amused. "Alright, that's it. Girls? Roast her."
"Whoa, whoa, whoa!" Puck says, dropping the small bushel of berries he's gathered for Killgore the Destructinator (his rhino's new name), and rushing over to step between them. "If you kill her, we'll probably never find the Avatar. Seriously, she's an awesome tracker. Just… let her do her thing."
"I'm not stopping her!" Quinn says. "She's the one who is withholding information!"
"If you want my expertise," Santana says haughtily, "all you have to do is apologize."
Puck gives Quinn a questioning look.
"What do I have to apologize for?" Quinn asks. "She is the one who is being a stuck-up, self-righteous bitch about the whole thing."
"Oh, right, this coming from the Junior Princess Wannabe of the Fire Nation. Now that you've got a cushy new position, you think you can just push everyone around and have your way all the time? Not with this chica. You push me, I push back."
"Look, why don't you both just apologize?" Puck suggests. "It's the perfect solution. You're both bitches!"
It takes one look at the identical glares from Santana and Quinn for him to realize he pretty much said the exact wrong thing.
Fortunately, the ensuing tongue lashing doesn't last more than thirty minutes at the most. And he only has to dodge like four or five fireballs.
"Oh, for Agni's sake. How much time have we wasted here?" Quinn finally says. "Alright, fine. Look," she says to Santana. "I apologize. There. Are you happy?"
Santana smirks, the evil bitch within purring like a cat at her minor victory. "Happy? No. Satisfied? Yes, for the moment."
"I propose a truce," Quinn says. "I'll muzzle my bitch if you muzzle yours."
The dark-clothed assassin is a little worried by this. She needs to vent every once in a while, to prevent her from going into a full-blown volcanic rage. Still, she supposes… there's always Puck.
"Fine," Santana says. "First and foremost, we've already learned everything we're going to from this place. The water," she says, gesturing to the moist area of the woods, "ends at the big rock boat. They came from that direction. Which means they probably just kept going."
Quinn regards her carefully. "Where do you think they went?"
The assassin looks around the area for a few moments. "Over there," she says after a minute or two. "Those plants over there look like someone was dragged over them. See if you and your minions can't spot any footprints."
The Captain whistles and relays Santana's instructions. It doesn't take too long at all.
"Here!" one of the girls says.
Santana nudges her mount over to the area, her damaged leg making it a little impractical to get off the thing if she doesn't have to.
"Damn," she says, slightly impressed. "Those are some giant-ass feet. Did they have a gorilla-goat with them?"
"Uhhhh, no," Quinn says.
"Alright, then I'm guessing they went this way. They were probably in a hurry, too, judging by the fact that they didn't even try to cover their tracks," Santana says.
The blone girl crosses her arms, staring up at the assassin with a cool expression. "Well," she says, "it looks like you really are useful."
"See?" Puck says with a small smile. "I told you she was good. That's like the number two reason I work with her."
"I'm just going to go ahead and assume I don't want to know the number one reason," Quinn says.
"Oh," Puck replies. "Believe me. You do."
The Chi-Ryu ignores him. "Alright girls," she says. "Move out!"
They arrive at a small rock face a short trip later. This time, Santana steps off her mount (with a little help) and participates herself.
"Well?" Quinn says.
"Alright, I'm not a hundred percent certain, but I'mma take a wild guess and say the giant rock boat means they got at least one earthbender on their side. Which is just fan-freaking tastic, because I," she says with a smirk, "just happen to be an expert in tracking them."
"Fascinating," Quinn says. "I assume you have a point."
"Hey!" Santana says with a snap. "Don't rush! Anyway… somewhere like this? Earthbender paradise. They could make a cave here and seal up the entrance and most people would never know the difference. But I ain't most people."
She hobbles over to the rock wall, and then turns to limp alongside it, running her fingers along the stone. Every-so-often, she'll stop to knock on the rock.
After a bit more of this, she smiles. "This here," she says, pointing to a section of cliff that, to everyone but her, basically looks like the rest, "was recently made. There's nothing growing on this rock, and hardly any dirt has settled on the surface. Puck!" she shouts. "Get your fist over here and penetrate."
The armored assassin moseys on over to the spot Santana indicates. Taking a second to loosen up his hand, he delivers a devastating blow to the cliff. If it had been standard rock, that blow would have probably triggered a rockslide. But it wasn't—the rock Santana had pointed out was nothing more than a thin façade cooked up by an earthbender, just as Santana had suggested.
"Chi-Ryus!" Quinn shouts. "Search the cave."
The femme firebending fatales move in formation to the cave's entrance. They remain in combat stances, ready for any kind of attack, until they are able to confirm the cave is clear of potential threats.
"They were definitely here," Santana says. "Now let's see if we can figure out where they went."
Within the cave, they find evidence of a small fire, a few torn scraps of clothing, a few stone bowls that Santana identifies as being bender-made, and some jackelope bones. (Puck also finds a few elephant-rats to feed Killgore, but that's neither here nor there).
"Oh," Santana says, surveying the gathered items. "These people have no idea who they are dealing with." She turns to Quinn. "We keep all of this. We might be able to use it later."
"But that still leaves the matter of where they went from here," Quinn says.
"Oh, fucknasty," Puck says from outside.
Leaving the Chi-Ryus to pack up the items, Quinn and Santana run (well, Quinn runs, Santana crutches quickly) outside to witness the sight of Puck, hopping around on one foot and banging his other against a tree.
"I stepped in rhino shit," he explains with a disgusted look as he continues to kick.
Quinn, for her part, looks at the droppings with a careful eye. "…this is going to sound strange," she says, "but I don't think that little gift is rhino-made."
"How the Hills would you know?" Puck asks. "Oh, sick. You're not into super-nasty stuff like that, are you? 'cause I heard that story about those two Fire Nation girls and the cup…"
"Oh, fucking gross, Puckerman," Santana says, cringing. "Fuck, way to bring that stupid story back to the forefront of my head."
"I don't know what you're talking about, and as usual, I don't want to," Quinn says. "But I've spent some time around certain animals and… well, to put it bluntly, that looks much more like dragon-moose droppings."
"No offense or anything, but why exactly do we care about the kind of shit on my boot?" Puck asks.
"I'm getting an idea… there are no more footprints around here, right? At least, no more human ones?" Quinn asks.
"I don't see any," Santana replies.
"Hmmm," she says. "If that's… dragon-moose dung, then I have a theory. It's not unheard-of to find a dragon-moose in the wild, but they're not exactly common out here anymore. They're mostly domesticated for use in pulling carts and carriages. Perhaps we should try looking for wheel marks?"
"Wheel marks in soil would be even more obvious than footprints," Santana points out.
"Could they have covered their tracks with earthbending?" Quinn asks.
That seems to put the right idea into Santana's head. She scans the area again, her eyes raking over things with slightly more care. "There we go," she says, spotting something on a nearby tree. It's a broken branch, too high off the ground to be broken by someone simply walking into it. "Looks like we have the trail again. And look," Santana says with a very light sneer, "you even helped this time! Don't you feel proud?"
"I aim to please," Quinn sneers right back.
Their snark is worse than their bite. In fact, it's altogether lacking. Compared to what they are normally like, that exchange was almost friendly.
Puck is horrified.
There isn't much daylight left, but they push well on into the night before setting up camp. There are three tents—one for the Chi-Ryus, one for Puck and Santana, and one for Quinn. Puck is off getting rejected by every single Chi-Ryu in turn, so Santana is sleeping alone the first time she notices it. A giggle, and some featherlight footsteps just outside her tent. She's not exactly friends with these people, but she's been around them long enough to know that giggle probably isn't on their pre-approved list of expressions they're allowed to have on their face or whatever, so it kind of weirds her right the fuck out.
"Hey!" she calls out. "Who's out there?"
"I am!" a cheerful, yet somewhat blank voice replies.
The assassin is on her crutches in a second, ready to clobber any bitch stupid enough to come close to her stuff without asking.
She exits the tent to the sight of no one. No one anywhere.
Day 2
"I heard something last night," Santana says the next morning.
"Moaning?" Puck asks.
"No, dillweed," she says. "I mean like someone prowling around our tent."
"Someone besides them?" Puck says, gesturing to the Chi-Ryus as they quickly dismantle the campsite.
"Oh yeah," Santana says. "Definitely none of those bitches."
"They take anything?" Puck asks.
"The Hills if I know," Santana says. "Whoever it was, they were gone when I got out there."
"Hey!" Puck yells towards the Chi-Ryu. "Check our shit to see if anything's missing!"
The Chi-Ryu glare at him for just a second before resuming their previous tasks as if they'd never stopped.
"Hey," Puck says, offended. "That's, like, rude and shit."
"Thus sayeth the very portrait of charm and manners," Quinn says as she approaches them. "What are you shouting about?"
"I heard somebody prowling around the campsite last night," Santana says. "I think they might have stolen some stuff."
Quinn raises an eyebrow at this proclamation, but hesitates only a moment before calling out: "Chi-Ryus! Inventory!"
The Chi-Ryus immediately abandon what they are doing and begin to take stock of all their supplies.
"The fuck?" Puck huffs. "Why do they listen to you and not me?"
"…because I'm their boss, and you're some Earth Kingdom pervert trying to get into all of their pants?" Quinn asks helpfully.
Puck shrugs. "What's wrong with that?" he asks. "Aim high, I always say."
"Captain Quinn!" a brunette Chi-Ryu shouts. "Our rations are lower than they should be. Someone's stolen some of our food."
"…oh, uhhh," Puck says, somewhat sheepishly. "I might have… uhhh, taken a few extra. Last night. You know. To eat."
Actually, he fed them to Killgore, but there's no reason anyone needs to know about that.
"Well, there you have it," Quinn says. "Thief identified."
Santana takes the presented opportunity to glare at Puck, but something still isn't quite right. "I don't know…" she starts.
But she is quickly distracted by the sight of Quinn burning what is left of Puck's Mohawk off. The armored assassin gapes at her. "You… you did… my badass… awesome hair… no more… you… why?"
"Maybe that will teach you to take things that aren't yours," Quinn says. "Remember that you work for me. This is not a pleasure cruise. We have no idea how long we might need to be out here and our rations should be used carefully. So the next time you think about having a little midnight snack, you remember this. Because next time, the fire will be aimed at your other head," she promises, her voice leaving no room for questions. "Got it?"
Puck definitely doesn't get it. "But… why though?"
Santana rolls her eyes and hobbles away, the sheer force of Puck's idiocy having momentarily pushed the incident clear out of her mind.
"If they're in a carriage," Quinn reasons as they ride out that morning, "they're probably sticking to the main roads."
"So how the fuck do we know which roads they take?" Puck asks. "They could be anywhere."
"Taking the main road was actually fairly smart," Santana says. "Not that they know that, of course, but I could've tracked them down easy if they had stayed in the woods. A heavily traveled road like this just makes it harder."
"We need to figure out what we know about them," Quinn says.
"Not much," Puck says. "Uhhh… there's the gay one. And the super-gay one."
"The Prince and the Avatar, respectively," Quinn clarifies.
"What about the other people?" Santana says. "I mean, we didn't really get too good of a look at them, but there were others. Like… the… black one?"
"The tall one," Quinn adds. "He seemed to be doing… something… to the Prince. I wasn't paying too much heed to him. The Avatar was commanding much of my attention at the time."
"Oh, and the one that was… like… sitting down. Which is kind of weird. I mean, what the fuck, man? It's one thing to just stand there, but just sitting there? Whole new level of weird," Puck comments.
"Okay, so tall, black, sitting, gay, and supergay. What a diverse bunch," Quinn says, rolling her eyes. "Do we know anything else about them?"
"If they're traveling with Prince Curly, he's got to be fucked up like whoa," Puck says.
Santana looks thoughtful for a second, then nods. "Good point. Explains the carriage—boy ain't walking nowhere any time soon."
"Okay, so where might someone who is injured go to recuperate in peace?" Quinn wonders aloud. "Somewhere nice and quiet… isolated, yet well-supplied. There are a few small farming villages around here that would be perfect. No military, no major trading hubs... just a nice, quiet place for fugitives to hide out. I bet they're still there."
Puck shrugs. "Assuming they don't know we're coming after them," he says.
Santana scoffs at him. "How would they know that?"
The armored assassin shrugs.
"Alright," Quinn says as they come to a fork in the road. "Here is the plan. There are a couple of small settlements we can reach from here today. My girls will go to Cho Qing, on the northern road. You two will come with me to visit Hefei on the southern road. We'll put up posters for the Avatar, take the locals to task, and meet back here by sundown."
"Uhhh, not that I'm complaining, but why do we have to go with you?" Puck says.
"Yeah," Santana agrees. "I think we can handle slapping up some posters and roughing up some yokels on our own."
"Them," Quinn says, pointing to her Chi-Ryus, "I can trust to do their jobs. You two, on the other hand, I don't even trust enough to let out of my sight. That's why."
"Oh?" Santana scoffs. "But you trust us enough to follow us into some strange village all by yourself?"
Quinn gives her a flat stare for a second or two before taking a deep breath and breathing a plume of flame easily as large as their rhinos into the air.
Raised eyebrows all around greet this little display. For those who still have them, anyway.
"I'm a big girl," Quinn says. "I can take care of myself."
Puck shrugs. Hard to argue with that logic…
Hefei isn't much more than a few ramschackle buildings and a small farm that mostly grows feed for animals. It'd seem like a dive if it weren't so damn… quaint. The people, quite simply, seem too dumb to carry out any kind of real crime. At least, that's what it seems like to Quinn.
To Puck's pleasure, they decided to take Killgore as their ride and left the other two rhinos to the six Chi-Ryus. As they ride into town, the few slack-jawed, snaggletooth hill-dwellers they can see know to treat them as the badass ubergods that they totally are. Killgore is the kind of monster rhino that demands respect (like, even more than normal monster rhinos).
They stop by the tavern.
"Hey, you seen this guy?" Puck asks, holding up the poster.
The barman shakes his head. "Not since that time I did twelve shots of Dragon Piss in fifteen minutes. I have to be at least that drunk before I start seeing dinosaur people."
They stop by the local aviary/post office.
"Spotted anybody who looks like this lately?" Santana asks. "Just pay attention to the face," she adds.
"No," the lady at the front says. "But I did see a man who had three eyes once!"
Building by building they search, but no one has seen anyone matching any of the descriptions they give out.
Finally, they come to the actual farm itself. The buildings are somewhat run-down—their barn has a fairly large hole in the roof—but the farm itself actually seems pretty well-kept. A tired-looking old ostrich horse bays at them casually from a pen as they enter.
"Careful," Quinn says as they approach the house from the long walkway. "Fire Nation farmers are famous for their… shall we say… territorial instincts."
Almost on cue, a large, cheap-looking vase suddenly smashes into the ground right next to them.
"Hey," Puck says. "What the fuck? Who threw that?"
At this, a rather ornery-looking old woman bursts out onto the front porch, waving—no shit—a stick with a broom on one end and a spear tip on the other. "Get offa my property!" she shouts. "Rabble like you bring nothin' but trouble."
"Trouble?" Santana snorts. "Y'all the ones who just be throwin' shit at people unannounced! Jeez, give a bitch a warning, why don't you?"
"Calm down," Quinn says reasonably. "Ma'am, we're here on official Fire Nation Business. We need to know if you have seen the Avatar."
"Avatar?" the woman says, her interest suddenly piqued. "What do they look like?"
Quinn pulls out the poster and unfolds it before the woman.
The old bird gasps like she's just been doused with ice water. "That's him!" she shouts.
Quinn raises her eyebrows in surprise. "You mean you have see—"
"OTIS," she yells into the house. "GET OUT HERE!"
A feeble-looking old man clutching a bottle sways his way from the doorway. "Sun's sake, Aggy," he grumbles. "Whut're yew hollerin' fer now?"
The woman thrusts the poster in his face. He squints at it for a few seconds before his eyes suddenly bug out and he practically falls over backwards. "AGNI'S UNDERPANTS," he shouts. "THAT'S HIM!"
The Chi-Ryu captain smirks triumphantly. This has to be a sign. The universe is definitely on their side.
"He stole my bathwater!" Agatha announces as she brings the tea into the living room. Well, Quinn thinks it's supposed to be tea. Her nose and her eyes are telling her different stories here, so for the moment, she does as she was taught and pretends to sip at the brew without letting it past her lips.
Santana isn't quite so refined, though she does have the good sense to make sure Agatha's back is turned before spitting her mouthful into a nearby plant.
Puck just bugs his eyes out in horror and sprays it all over the place.
"What?" Agatha says, turning to look at him menacingly. "You got a problem with my tea?"
"No ma'am!" Puck says, trying his best to look innocent. "Just… uhh… thought I saw a bug in mine."
"Quit bellyachin' about yer water, Aggy," Otis grumbles. "Wispy little thing damn near gave me a heart attack! Conjured up a… a… giant smoke monster clean outta thin air!" he says, waving his hands around to illustrate… something.
"Interesting," Quinn says. "All of this happened on the night of the riots, correct?"
"Ayup," Agatha says. "Me and Otis were in town for my birthday—I just turned forty, can you believe it?" she grins, prominently displaying several missing teeth.
"I… can't believe it," Quinn says with complete and utter honesty. No way is this lady a day under sixty.
"Anyway, I was relaxin' in one o' them fancy pamperin' places when that there Avatar popped in and took all my water. Didn't even ask!" she says, outraged. "Beats all I ever seen."
"Well, you ain't seen much!" Otis snorts. "Lemme tell ye 'bout what I seen. I's wanderin' through the town, lookin' fer a nice boo-kay o' flowers for the missus here, aimin' to top the evenin' off with a little romantic am-bee-yance, if'n you know what I mean," he says, winking at the end and triggering Quinn's gag reflex.
"Anyways," he continues. "Once everythin' started goin' all fire-shaped and smokey, I started to head back when what should my old ears pick up, but the cry of a wounded child!" The old man seems moved, his eyes suddenly moist and his voice suddenly wobbly. "I 'member it clear as day! A waterbender used his foul, wicked powers to strike that innocent little boy a terrible blow in plain view o' public! It's a dang miracle he even survived," Otis spits angrily. "The boy managed te 'scape from their wicked clutches, and we had 'em cornered. The tall one was beggin' and pleadin' and—"
"Tall one?" Quinn asks.
"Oh yeh," Otis nods. "Real tall. He was the piss-bender, and, as we all later learned, the Avatar!"
"The tall one was the Avatar?" Santana asks with a quirked eyebrow.
"Quit interruptin'!" Agatha scolds.
"I'm gettin' there," Otis nods. "But yeh, there was three of 'em. A tall, goofy-looking boy, a dark-skinned lady sized on the healthy side, and a boy in… whaddaya call 'em… one o' them chairs, what has the wheels on it…"
"A wheelchair?" Quinn suggests.
"That's it! One o' them!" Otis says.
The three Avatar-trackers share a significant look. That's one mystery solved.
"Anyways, they was beggin' and pleadin' against us, but Fire Nation justice is best served hot, and we was a'burnin to fill their order! Then the tall one exploded somethin', and the whole place just erupted into crazy-land. A firebender and a piss-bender!" Otis says passionately. "Can't none but one o' them Avatars pull that off!"
"Huh," Quinn says neutrally. "What happened after that?"
"Another'n came in! I bet they travel in packs," Otis whispers conspiratorially, "like wolfbats! Anyway, he did some o' his fancy bendin' and made a big ol' smoke monster to scare the blazes right out o' us, and Agni scorch my nuts off if it didn't work! Everybody just screamed and skedaddled, leavin' this poor old fellow to fend against an Avatar all by his lonesome! Well, I told him what fer and sent him packin', I tell you what. He'll think twice afore he messes with Otis again!"
Quinn politely refrains from rolling her eyes. "But you haven't seen the Avatar—either of them—since then?"
"Nope," Otis says. "I reckon they high-tailed it outta there."
"Well," the Chi-Ryu Captain says with a smile. "I'm sure you'll let us know if you do. Just send a messenger hawk to the nearest military outpost if you spot him or any of his companions, and we'll be along to help you in no time."
She primly sets the tea down on the table as she rises. "Thank you so much for all your help. We will be sure to put this information to good use."
"You sure you don't want to stay for dinner?" Agatha asks nicely. "We're having chicken-possum!"
Boy, her gag reflex is getting a workout today. "No thank you, miss, it's almost sundown, we really must be going. I'm very sorry about your spa trip being ruined. I certainly hope the management sees fit to give you another one," Quinn says easily.
"Oh, me too, dearie," Agatha says. "I'm telling you, that last one took years off my face!"
The blonde raises trimmed eyebrows and smiles tightly. "I can't even imagine," she says. How old you must have looked before, she adds in her head. "I thank you on behalf of a grateful Nation," she says with finality. "Puck? Santana?"
"Ready," Santana says, dumping the rest of her tea in the houseplant (which seems to have shriveled slightly since they arrived), and rising.
"Puck?" Quinn says turning to the newly-bald boy, who is looking at Agatha and… wiggling his eyebrows, and… oh, what the fuck. "PUCK!" she shouts, startling him out of his reverie.
"What? I mean, yeah, sure, fine, okay, whatever!" he says, standing up. Agatha is giving him a mildly horrified, mildly intrigued glare as they exit.
On their way off of the farm, Quinn elbows him in the ribs. "What is wrong with you?" she asks. "Will you seriously just sleep with anything that moves?"
"I'm sorry, okay? I'm getting a little desperate here! I mean… do you know what happens to a guy when he is deprived of his sexual needs for too long? There is like… a monster chi-blockage thing that goes down. It's seriously bad. I might die," Puck says seriously. "You could save a man's life, Quinn. And believe me; I'd love to show you my gratitude."
In a sick way, she can almost admire his creativity. "How do you deal with this all the time?" she asks Santana.
The dark-haired assassin shrugs. "Every now and then, I fuck him."
"And that shuts him up?"
"For a little while," Santana shrugs.
Yeah, uhhh, no. She is definitely not going there. No matter how cute he may or may not be… seriously, it's gross. She has no idea where that thing has been.
"I was almost in, too," Puck grumbles. "You had to go and ruin it."
And then, another vase smashes into the ground just inches away from Puck.
"Oh yeah," Quinn deadpans. "She's definitely into you."
"So, that wasn't entirely useless," Santana comments on the way back. "We know they have a waterbender too."
"Technically," Quinn points out, "they have an earthbender, firebender, airbender, and waterbender all rolled into one."
"Oh yeah," Santana says. "Avatar, right."
"But still," Puck says. "Besides him, they have a waterbender and an earthbender. The tall guy is the waterbender, so the earthbender has to be either the dark chick, or the cripple."
"And a firebender," Santana says. "Can't forget the dear Prince."
"Actually, I'm not so sure," Quinn says. "He seemed to have a little trouble lighting up when I encountered him. Plus he's injured. He's probably not much help."
"Wait a second," Puck says suddenly. "The cripple…" He looks towards Santana. "You remember back in the Earth Kingdom, when everybody was going crazy over that one bounty?"
"Oh yeah," Santana says. "That one guy… the 'something' bandit, or something… an earthbending thief who just happened to be…"
"…a cripple," Puck finishes with a smirk. "You think it's the same guy?"
"Could be," Santana says. "I didn't really get a good look at him."
"Oh, man," Puck says. "If we catch him, we are so rich…"
"Focus!" Quinn snaps. "We're after the Avatar and the Fire Prince! Crippled earthbenders are not on the priority list!"
"Jeez," Puck says, holding his hands up in surrender. "Sorry."
"We can send this information to the Fire Lord," Quinn says. "If nothing else, we can update the Wanted Posters."
As they arrive back at the fork where they split, Quinn spots the Chi-Ryus already standing there waiting for them.
"Captain Quinn!" a red-haired Chi-Ryu says as they approach. "We have something you may be interested in."
"Oh?" Quinn says as she dismounts. "This excursion has already been shockingly productive. Can this day possibly get any better?"
"I believe so," the Chi-Ryu says as she leads the three of them over towards one of the other rhinos. "We spent the day putting up posters. After realizing we were treading the same ground over and over again, we eventually found this guy coming in behind us and taking them all down."
They step around the beast to find a slightly singed, roughed-up guy with a black sack over his head tied up and leaning against a tree. "He wouldn't tell us about the Avatar, but he wouldn't shut up about everything else, so we had to tape his mouth shut," the Chi-Ryu says as she moves to stand beside him. "It took… a lot of tape."
She pulls the bag off to reveal a shaggy mop of light blonde hair. Then, she rips the tape off to reveal—
"OW!"
"Whoa," Puck says. "I see what you mean about the tape."
The guy turns uneasy green eyes up towards them, his surprisingly large lips turned up in a slightly queasy smile. "Uhhh… hi?"
Quinn graces him with a predatory smirk. "Hi indeed," she says. "And who might you be?"
"Me?" Large-Lips asks. "Uhhh… my name is… ahhh… Norman…"
"Sam Evans," the Chi-Ryu sneers, "according to the notes we found in his backpack. At least, I think that's what they said. It was a little hard to read."
"Hey!" Sam says. "Those are private!"
"Not anymore," Santana says, smiling with approval at the feast she has been presented.
"So, Sam," Quinn says, her voice a purr. "Do you know the Avatar?"
"Uhhhh," Sam stammers. "Pfffft, no," he says as though the very prospect is ridiculous.
"Then what were you doing with our posters?" the Chi-Ryu Captain asks.
"I'm… an… art collector?" he tries. "Yeah. I love art. Freakin' awesome. Can't get enough of it!" he adds with a smile.
"That still doesn't explain why you needed all the posters," Quinn points out.
"I like having plenty of spares?" Sam says with questioning eyes.
Quinn just shakes her head. "Oh, Sam," she says, her words dripping with mock-sadness. "You could have made this so easy. Now… we have to do it the hard way," she says with a small frown. "I'm so sorry."
His smile melts like a snowman on a tropical vacation. Sam gulps. "Uh-oh…"
And Quinn snaps into bitch mode like a striking rat-viper. "Chi-Ryus! We're setting up camp! Get everything ready and let's move out!" At this, she turns to Sam. "Oh," she adds, "and bag Sam up. He's coming with us."
Her wicked little grin is the last thing Sam sees before the bag comes back down over his head. He feels two fingers reach around towards the back of his neck, and suddenly, it's like all his nerve endings are exploding.
Passing out has never felt quite so welcome.
TO BE CONTINUED…
A/N: I'm finding that I like this villainous trio the more I write them. What will these nefarious characters get up to next? Who is this mysterious person who seems to be stealing from them? And what will become of poor Sam? Stay tuned to find out. Reviews and comments are always welcome. ;)
