A/N: Hey, guess who was my beta for this chapter? If you guessed madammadhatter, you're right! What a cool person.
Well, it's finals week. I've got papers upon papers that I've been ignoring all semester and/or are due this week, so what do I do? Stay up until 4 in the morning writing fanfiction. My priorities are clearly in order.
Honestly, though, this is my favorite chapter so far. I hope you enjoy it.
"How long until we reach an inn?"
Kíli looked back at Fíli. He was slouched in his saddle, his face pulled into a deep frown, and he seemed to be forcing himself to breathe evenly. Kíli stopped and waited for his brother to catch up.
"Are you all right?" he asked, looking Fíli over again. His hands were gripping the reins so tightly that his knuckles were turning white, and now that he was closer, Kíli could hear how strained his breathing was.
"I'll be all right," Fíli said. "As long as there is an inn close by. I think… I think I need to lie down."
"I can see that," Kíli said. "Well, come on. Buckland's not that big. There must be one close by."
They continued down the road, and within half an hour, they found an inn along the way. Kíli hopped down from his saddle and winced as he watched his brother do the same with a pained grunt. Fíli rested his forehead against the saddle with closed eyes.
"I'll get us a room," Kíli said. "You find a seat and sit down. I'll come back for you."
Fíli nodded into the saddle, and Kíli tied up his pony and went inside. The hobbits in the tavern looked up as he entered; instantly, the conversation quieted down. Kíli ducked his head and smiled kindly at the hobbits, but many glared suspiciously. With a deep breath, Kíli made his way to the counter. A hobbit with blond hair and bright green eyes stood there; to Kíli's surprise, he sported some downy hair on his chin, a very uncommon trait among his kind. Kíli touched his own short whiskers self-consciously.
"Greetings, master dwarf," said the hobbit politely. "We don't see many of your kind in these parts. What can I do for you?"
"I need a room for the night," Kíli replied. "For two. And we have two ponies." He looked around at the quiet hobbits. "We won't be a nuisance, I promise—we just need a place to rest our heads."
The hobbit eyed Kíli up and down, but he seemed to find nothing amiss. He pulled a key from a cubbyhole behind him and laid it on the counter.
"Two silver pence," he said. "And the name's Doderic, if you'll be needing anything."
"Thank you very much," Kíli said, pulling the required money from his pocket. "Perhaps we'll also give your tavern here some business, if the others don't mind."
"Business is business," said Doderic, "and you're in Buckland, Mister…"
"Kíli."
"Mister Kíli. West of the Brandywine you might have more trouble, but once they see you're no trouble to them, you should be all right. I'll send out my daughter Hanna to take care of your ponies."
"Thank you," said Kíli, scooping up the keys. "And where is it?"
"Down the hall there, third on the left," Doderic said. "Two beds."
"That'll do just fine," Kíli said. He dashed back outside and found Fíli sitting on a bench outside, bent over; his elbows rested on his knees, and he held his forehead in his hands. His blond waves cascaded over his fingertips, shielding his face from view. Kíli knelt down before him and placed a hand on his shoulder, and Fíli looked up at him wearily.
"We've got a room," he said. "Come on, let's go."
With a groan, Fíli grabbed onto the arm of the bench and started to stand. When Kíli saw how badly his body shook with the effort, he grabbed his other arm and pulled it around his neck.
"I don't need help," Fíli grumbled.
"Shut up, you," said Kíli goodnaturedly. "Accept help when it's offered."
"Fine," said Fíli, leaning heavily into his little brother. Kíli helped him to the door.
"Can you walk from here?" he said. "The hobbits might get frightened or suspicious if they see me supporting you."
"I'll make it," said Fíli, grabbing on to the door frame. "Let's just get to the room, all right?"
Kíli opened the door and allowed Fíli through; once again, the tavern quieted, but not as much as before—most of the hobbits kept their eyes to themselves and only lowered their voices. Kíli glanced at Fíli. He was looking around at the hobbits nervously, but he seemed relieved that most of them pretended not to notice the strange travelers in their presence. He kept close to the wall, using it to pull himself along slowly. Kíli could see him shaking, but he resisted reaching out to help, knowing it would only turn more heads. In the Shire, the less talk about them, the better. Just the fact that they were dwarves in Buckland was enough to give these folk something to talk about for a week.
They made it down the hall eventually, and Kíli unlocked their door and held it open for his brother. As soon as the door closed behind them, Fíli leaned against the wall heavily with a thud.
"Kíli," he said wearily, holding out his arm. Kíli immediately pulled the pack off his brother's back and dropped it to the floor. Then ducked his head under Fíli's arm, taking his brother's hand and wrapping his other arm around Fíli's waist. He led him to one of the beds and helped him sit, wincing at the groan that left Fíli.
"I told you we should have waited longer," Kíli said.
Fíli said nothing, but the glare he cast said quite enough. Kíli pressed his lips together and helped Fíli lie down, pulling his feet onto the bed. He pulled off his own pack and dropped it by his own bed.
"Are you hungry?" he said.
"Aye, but I'm not moving," said Fíli quietly, staring up at the ceiling. "I've had enough of moving for one day."
Kíli bit back another I told you so and said, "I'll go down to the tavern and get us both something to eat. You rest, all right?"
Before Kíli had even finished his sentence, Fíli's eyes were closed. Kíli looked him over with a sigh and fiddled with the key in his hand. Then he stepped out of the room and meandered back down the hall to the tavern, keeping his eyes away from the curious hobbits around him. He stepped straight up to the bar and sat down at an empty stool.
"Excuse me," he said as politely as he could.
A dark-haired hobbit with brown skin and rosy cheeks turned to face him. She smiled, though her dark eyes showed her suspicion.
"Hello, sir," she said. "My name is Celandine. What can I get for you?"
"Just something I can carry back to my room," he said. "Some bread and cheese, I suppose."
"We've got a good beef stew prepared as well," said Celandine. "I can have someone bring it to you, if you'd like."
Kíli considered this for a moment. It couldn't hurt, and a good stew—especially one made by hobbits—was not something to pass up. He nodded.
"If you'll bring the bread and cheese, too, I'll get a couple of ales as well," he said.
"Right away, sir," she said, pulling two pint glasses from below the counter. She started pouring the first ale and turned to look at him again.
"Strange to have dwarves about these parts," she said. "And so soon after the others, too."
Kíli felt a pang in his chest—of panic or surprise, he did not know—and he straightened in his seat.
"Others?" he said, attempting to keep his voice even. "What others?"
"A couple of dwarves came through, probably about a week ago," she said, setting one pint on the counter. Kíli pulled it toward himself, his eyes glued on Celandine. "They were asking if any of their kind had been seen, come to think of it… two young dwarves…"
Kíli's grip tightened on the pint in his hand. "Did they say anything else?"
She nodded. "One with brown hair, one with blond hair," she said. She eyed Kíli sidelong. "Sound like anyone you know?"
Kíli swallowed and looked down. "I think we both know who they were talking about," he said in a low voice. Celandine placed another pint on the counter and leaned in close.
"They seemed pretty concerned," she said quietly. "One of them was almost in tears, I think. Why did you leave them? They wouldn't say."
Kíli ignored her question. Anything else he said would be the talk of the town. "What did they look like?" he asked.
"Well, they looked very much alike," she said, looking disappointed. "Might've been brothers. Long dark hair and blue eyes. Fine clothes."
That would be his uncle and his mother. Dwarf women often dressed as men while traveling, and her beard certainly would confuse many that were not accustomed to their kind as well. The one near to tears must have been his mother. He felt a bolt of guilt shoot through him so strongly that he bent over, wincing.
"Whatever sent you away, I think you should return to them," Celandine said authoritatively.
"Thank you for your input," Kíli snapped, a little too harshly. Celandine flinched, and he sighed, dropping his shoulders. "I'm sorry. I will. We will. We're on our way back now."
"Good," said Celandine crisply. "And that'll be twelve coppers, please."
Kíli nodded and pulled out twelve copper pence, handing them to Celandine without meeting her eye. He took his two ales and stood, nodding again in thanks and farewell, and headed back to his room. Clumsily he attempted to open the door without spilling any of his drink, and he almost succeeded, splashing only a small amount on his shirt.
"I've got drinks," he said, letting the door shut behind him. "Thought you'd like one, too."
"I'd love one," Fíli said from the bed without moving. Kíli set the two pints on the table and made his way over to the bed; he sat down, and Fíli opened his eyes and looked up at him.
"I've got to sit up for this, don't I?" he said wearily.
Kíli chuckled. "Unless you want ale all over your face, I'd recommend it," he said. "I've got food coming, too. Here, I'll help you."
Fíli groaned as Kíli helped him into a sitting position, and Kíli shook his head and sighed.
"Don't say it," Fíli warned.
"I didn't say anything," said Kíli innocently. "You thought it all on your own."
"Thanks, Mum."
Kíli laughed and brought Fíli his ale, which the blond accepted gratefully. For a few moments they sat in silence, enjoying the good brew.
"So," said Fíli, "in the morning—"
"We'll talk about that tomorrow," Kíli interrupted. He took another swig of his ale as Fíli chuckled. His laugh turned into a strained cough, but he waved off Kíli's concerned glance.
"You're getting far too bossy for a little brother," Fíli said. "I think I rather liked when you did everything I said."
"Ha! As if that ever happened," Kíli crowed. "You've always gone along with whatever I wanted to do. Don't deny it."
"Only if I wanted to," Fíli argued. He gestured at Kíli with his mug of ale and grinned slyly. "I remember plenty of times I convinced you to do something else."
"I don't remember that at all," Kíli retorted.
"Well, you wouldn't," Fíli said haughtily, taking a casual sip from his mug. "I have a secret weapon I use against your stubbornness."
Kíli lowered his ale and stared at Fíli, narrowing his eyes. "What do you mean by that?"
Fíli raised his eyebrows and looked down at his ale, taking another sip and shaking his head slightly. Kíli's eyes widened, and he punched Fíli in the shoulder lightly. Ale splashed into Fíli's face, and he shouted out in surprise and looked up at Kíli, his braided mustache dripping. Kíli burst out laughing and hopped off the bed before Fíli could retaliate.
"Why, you—you little…" Fíli said, wiping at his mustache and beard with his sleeve. "If I could, I would chase you to the Blue Mountains and back!"
A knock came at the door just then, and Kíli pranced over and opened it, still tittering. Two young hobbits, a girl and a boy, stood there with the food Kíli had requested on trays. He opened the door further and gestured to the small table in the room.
"You can leave it there," he said, reaching into his pocket. He handed a copper coin to each child. "Thank you very much."
The two hobbits did as they were told and skipped away with their copper coins in hand. Kíli wondered briefly if tipping was common in the Shire, but he shrugged it off and carried Fíli's food over to the bed.
"They had beef stew," he said, setting the tray on Fíli's lap. "Thought you'd like it."
"I'd love it," Fíli said, reaching for the spoon eagerly. He sent a halfhearted glare in Kíli's direction. "I won't forget what you just did, though."
"Shut up and eat your soup," Kíli retorted, but he could not suppress a proud grin.
A night's rest did a world of good for Fíli's sore abdomen, and they were on the road again by late morning. Fíli had insisted on leaving earlier, but Kíli would not hear a word of it, insisting Fíli rested at least until he stopped looking up at his brother with half-lidded eyes. Once again, Fíli had grumbled about Kíli's bossy ways, but he was far too tired to protest much more than that.
The sun was shining down on the dwarves as they made their journey, but a gentle wind blew, keeping the heat at bay. A few pale clouds hovered overhead. They made it out of Buckland and into the Northfarthing by late afternoon, stopping for rest under a large willow and eating a bit of the packed food from their saddlebags. A few more hours put them close to the Bracegirdles' home, and that was when Fíli started getting nervous.
"Kíli, this seems so far out of the way," he said. "Is this necessary?"
"You already said you would go," Kíli responded. "It's too late to back out now. We're almost there."
Fíli probably grumbled something in return, but Kíli ignored him, passing it off as nerves and grouchiness due to pain.
Soon they were at the Bracegirdles' door, and Kíli hopped off his pony and handed the reins to Fíli. He raised his fist to knock on the door and paused, praying that Adric would not be the one to greet them—and, most likely, turn them away. After a few moments, he screwed up his courage and moved to knock.
Before his knuckles made contact with the door, however, it swung open, seemingly by itself. It was not until Kíli was almost knocked over by a force against his legs that he realized what had happened.
"Mister Kíli, you came back!" Lily cried. "I wanted you to come back!"
"Well, here I am," Kíli laughed, patting the small hobbit child on the back. "I've come back. And I brought Mister Fíli, too!"
Lily gasped and looked past Kíli, searching. She spotted Fíli on his pony and waved frantically; Fíli waved back halfheartedly, and Lily's grin grew. She tugged at Kíli's hand.
"Come in!" she said.
"Lily, get your mum," he said. "Or maybe one of your brothers. We need someone to take our ponies."
Lily nodded and ran off, her feet pitter-pattering against the long rug that ran down the hallway. Kíli turned back and helped Fíli off his pony, frowning as Fíli's face twisted up in pain. Kíli patted him on the back, and Fíli grabbed hold of him and pulled him closer, swinging an arm over his neck.
"I don't care anymore," said Fíli quietly. "I don't care what it looks like. Just help me walk."
Kíli swallowed and nodded, taking hold of the ponies' reins with his free hand. A few moments later, Bella ran out to greet them, accompanied by her two boys, Andy and Aldo. They both said hello briefly, looking especially pleased to see the two dwarves again. Then they took the ponies from Kíli and led them away. Kíli smiled as he watched them go. Aldo said something quietly to Andy, and they both laughed.
"Well, Eva told me you would come back, but I wasn't sure that I believed her!" Bella said, looking over them both fondly. She glanced from Kíli to Fíli and frowned slightly. Fíli avoided her eye.
"I made a promise," Kíli said. "And Fíli—well, Bella, may I introduce you formally to my brother Fíli." He wrapped his now-free hand around Fíli's middle. "Fíli, you remember Bella, don't you?"
"At your service," Fíli muttered, bowing his head politely. His grip on Kíli's shoulder tightened.
"I'm sorry, I should have invited you in already," Bella said. "You seem exhausted, Fíli. Please come in and sit down."
"I would appreciate that very much, thank you," Fíli said wearily. He and Kíli followed Bella into the smial and to the parlor, where Kíli helped his brother sit. Fíli sighed in relief and rested a hand over his stomach; Kíli sat beside him, and Bella sat down in a chair across from the two brothers.
"Where is Eva?" Kíli asked.
"In her bedroom, most likely," Bella replied. "I'm sure Lily has already informed her of your arrival, or she will be informed soon."
"I hope she didn't get in too much trouble for helping us," said Fíli, looking up at their host. "I wouldn't have made it without her."
Bella grinned proudly. "She was in a bit of trouble with her papa, but she explained it to him. He still didn't like it, but when he heard you two were princes… well, that quieted him down a bit." She chuckled. "And you didn't even think to tell us, Kíli!"
"Well, we're not quite what people think of when they think of princes, are we?" said Kíli. "We usually only flaunt it when those of our own kind need reminding of who will rule over them one day. Don't we, Fee?"
Fíli grinned sheepishly. He had taught Kíli to flaunt his rank long ago, when some other dwarves had thought it great fun to bully him, making him a spectacle for all the other younger dwarves. With the help and support of his family, Kíli had come out on top, reminding the other boys of their place. People had seldom questioned his stance since.
"Forgive me for appearing too bold, but did it work?" Bella asked, leaning forward. "What you set out to do. It worked, didn't it?"
"Aye, it worked," said Kíli with a smile. His smile faded when he looked over at Fíli, who was staring at the ground quietly. He put a hand on Fíli's shoulder.
"Kíli! Fíli!"
Kíli looked up to the doorway to see Eva standing there. She dashed forward, and Kíli rose to greet her. She crashed into him and hugged him warmly; Kíli laughed and returned the embrace. When she pulled back, she smiled up at Kíli and then turned her gaze to Fíli.
"How are you feeling, Fíli?" she said. "Better?"
"Better," Fíli replied, still staring at the ground. "Not perfect, but definitely better. Much better."
"You seem much better," Eva replied. "I am glad to see you again. I was worried about you. About both of you, actually."
"Well, without you, Fíli probably wouldn't be here at all," said Kíli. "We made it just in time. That wound was infected, you see."
"Oh, my!" said Bella with a gasp. She looked at the two of them compassionately. "I am so glad we could help you boys. And if you will accept our help again, I would like to feed you and give you somewhere to sleep for tonight. And breakfast in the morning, of course. I imagine you are on your way home."
Fíli looked up suddenly. "Oh, no," he said, "we couldn't possibly—"
"Please, I insist," Bella interrupted. She raised an eyebrow. "Unless you're telling me you want to hop back up on your pony and continue on your way."
Fíli's eyes widened, and he shook his head quickly. "You've convinced me, Bella. We'll stay here."
"I'll prepare a room for you!" said Eva, jumping up. "The same one as before." She dashed off to her self-appointed duty, and Bella smiled after her. Then her gaze returned to the dwarves in front of her.
"Rest easy tonight," she said. "We'll take good care of you here."
The evening passed by quickly in the Bracegirdles' home. Fíli and Kíli recounted their time with Tom Bombadil and Goldberry to a captive audience of all six hobbit children, Bella, and even Adric. Though Kíli had more tales to tell, as he was actually able to move around, Fíli pitched in as much as he could, correcting Kíli's embellishments and laughing at some of Kíli's stories he had not heard, either. The hobbits offered them two meals, and Fíli and Kíli accepted both gratefully. Kíli thought he would miss hobbit cooking when they finally went home. Throughout the evening, Fíli steadily came more and more alive, responding to questions and even telling jokes to the younger hobbits. Kíli's spirits rose as he watched his brother's eyes light up with joy. Only once or twice did they dim with memories, and even then, he was easily pulled back into the present by a question or another joke.
After a while, though, Kíli could tell that Fíli was feeling more uncomfortable than he was willing to share with their hosts. He excused the both of them to bed, catching in his peripherals Fíli's grateful glance.
They found their beds neatly made and their packs already placed in the room, and Kíli smiled. These hobbits were far kinder than he had ever expected. He helped Fíli into nightclothes and into bed and then prepared for bed himself; then, with barely another word, he climbed into bed and closed his eyes. They had not traveled all day long, and Fíli had been spared a few more hours' riding, but the plentiful food and conversation had been enough to exhaust the both of them.
Kíli fell asleep quickly in the soft bed and was soon dreaming of pleasant things. He and Fíli were practicing with their weapons, both so skilled that neither could get the upper hand. They didn't mind, though—the fun was in the dance. They knew each other so well that one could always anticipate the move of the other; it was what made them a good team. Fighting back-to-back or side-by-side, they were nearly unstoppable.
Suddenly the scene changed. Instead of sparring happily with his brother, he was in the creek, kicking and gasping for breath and only getting water burning down his throat. He had the sensation of being in two places at once—both in the water and watching from above—and yet, wherever he was, he felt a harrowing sense of being unable to breathe.
Then real hands were on him, and Kíli jumped awake. Fíli stood over him, his face taut with concern; Kíli cried out in fear, his mind in a frenzy, and pulled away. Suddenly there was nothing beneath him and he was falling. He hit the ground hard, and his left side erupted with pain. He gasped soundlessly and curled into a ball; as soon as he was able, he rolled onto his hands and knees and touched his forehead to the floor. Fíli's hand was on his back in an instant.
"Kíli, what is the matter?" Fíli said. Kíli could hear the panic in his voice.
"Nothing, it's nothing," Kíli wheezed, his heart pounding hard. He willed his lungs to start working again.
"It's not nothing," Fíli argued. "What happened? Take a deep breath now."
I can't, Kíli thought, but he refused to say it out loud.
"I'm telling you, it's nothing," he said, pausing to gasp harshly. Damn it, body, start breathing.
"Don't tell me that when I can see it isn't true!" said Fíli, his hand resting heavier on his brother's back. "Just tell me—"
"Nothing is wrong!" Kíli shouted, looking up at Fíli, panicked now.
Fíli jerked his hand back and stared at Kíli with wide eyes, and Kíli struggled to regain his breath to no avail. He still felt like he was drowning. Fíli's eyes drifted to his left side, and Kíli clapped a hand over it as a strange buzzing began to sound in his ears. His world went white for a moment. No. He can't know. He can never know.
"Kee…" Fíli breathed.
"No, no, nonono, Fíli, no, it's not—don't…" Kíli begged, his wheezing gaining in pitch now. But it was too late. Kíli could see it in his brother's eyes. He knew. He knew, and Kíli could not hide it any longer. Fíli crawled backward on the floor until he hit the wall, his eyes never breaking from Kíli's. The buzzing got louder in Kíli's ears as Fíli drew up his legs and filtered his hands into his hair, grabbing on tight and dropping his forehead onto his knees.
"Fíli," Kíli gasped. He crawled forward, closing the space between them, but Fíli kept his head down and sat unmoving. Kíli choked, and tears welled up in his eyes and began to fall in a moment.
"Fíli, please, look at me," he begged. The buzzing was deafening now, and Kíli could not draw in an adequate breath. Torrents of terror crashed through his body as the world closed in around him. Fíli knew. He couldn't breathe. Fíli knew.
"Look at me!" he screamed, grabbing his brother's shoulders and shaking violently. Fíli's eyes slowly lifted, filled with immeasurable guilt. Kíli opened his mouth to speak again, but only a sick choking noise emerged. Guilt drained from Fíli's eyes as panic took its place.
"Kíli?" he said, his voice small and anxious.
Kíli could not respond. He couldn't do anything. He wheezed harshly, his fingers automatically locking into the fabric of Fíli's shirt. He felt cold. Everything was so loud. Fíli pulled himself up and took Kíli's face in his hands.
"You need to breathe, Kee," he said, with a trembling voice. "Please, breathe."
Kíli shook his head and continued to wheeze. His diaphragm spasmed, fighting to pull air into his body, but Kíli felt as if he were still underwater. Fíli's grip tightened.
"Okay, listen to me," he said, his voice gaining in strength. "You're panicking, little brother. Don't think about me right now. Just think about you. I need you to breathe in. Breathe in, Kíli."
Kíli did his best to do what his brother said, his eyes fixed on Fíli's. He drew in a grating breath, lifting his head slightly, but it did not seem to work.
"Try again," Fíli said, tears running down his own cheeks now. "Come on—you can do it. Breathe in."
Again Kíli attempted to breathe in, forcing his mind to focus only on what his big brother told him to do. A small amount of air made it into his lungs, and instantly his body started to relax. He could feel tears on his face, and his heart felt as if it was trying to pound out of his chest. He hummed tearfully as he let out his small breath.
"Good," Fíli said. "Now again. You can do this."
The air came in easier this time, and Kíli took in a fuller breath, stopping only when his side made him. Slowly he let it out, and Fíli nodded, a relieved smile on his lips. Kíli breathed again. In and out. Each breath was easier than the last, and finally, the wheezing died down completely. He could breathe again. He closed his eyes as the buzzing faded away, leaving the room silent. Fíli's forehead touched his, and Kíli began to weep, his body shaking with silent sobs. He felt one of Fíli's hands slide to the back of his head, and the other wrapped around his shoulders, pulling him in to a tight hug.
"Oh, Kíli," Fíli whispered.
Kíli did not reply. He couldn't. He pulled his arms out from between their bodies and wrapped them around his brother, allowing himself to sink completely and safely into his chest. How long they stayed that way, Kíli did not know; all he knew was that even though Fíli knew—even though his secret of so many years had been revealed—he had not felt so secure and safe in a long time.
All right. Don't expect anything else out of me until I get these papers done. Give me some time. This chapter was long.
Please review! You should know by now how much I love reviews. They are like crack.
