Shadow Crystal Mages's A/N: The unholy has happened. If you're reading this, you're about to find out what. PREPARE FOR THE DESCENT TO MADNESS!

This is a time-skip of sorts for the 2814 universe, with the events taking place after the current arc of 2814. Bit of a teaser, but for all you know, everyone died and these are their clones…

By the way, 2814 now has a Wiki. Check out "2814universe dot wikia dot com". And also, how about going over and checking the original story and leaving some really long reviews…

OverMaster's A/N: Hello, OM here. Don't worry about the whole clones thing, it's just a joke… I think. Anyway, this chapter begins both the Kyoto arc and a crossover with the Negima section of Takamachi Nanoha of 2814. Thanks to SCM for co-writing this chapter, and to Darkening for his own proof reading.

SCM again: You're very welcome. Sorry, always wanted to do that. It's on the same list as where I say "FIRE MAIN CANNON!" and "I can feel this body dying around me!"

...

UNEQUALLY RATIONAL AND EMOTIONAL

LESSON 25: "AUDACIA PAULA! WHITE WINGS TAKE FLIGHT! "

Disclaimer: Mahou Sensei Negima and all related elements and characters are the property and creation of Akamatsu Ken, and the authors of this humble piece has made no material profit from it, and never will do. (Bummer).

Ah my Goddess! and all its characters were created by and are the property of Fujishima Kosuke.

The Melancholy of Suzumiya Haruhi belongs to Tanigawa Nagaru.

Black Lagoon belongs to series creator Hiroe Rei.

Mai Hime and all its characters belong to Sunrise.

Fate/Kaleid Liner Prisma Illya is written by Hiroyama Hiroshi, and owned by Type-Moon.

Sailor Moon belongs to Takeuchi Naoko.

Captain Barbell created by Mars Ravelo. Yes, such a character exists. (OM's Note: Don't ask me, I'm just as shocked as you guys…)

All other characters mentioned also belong to their respective copyright holders.

Unequally Rational and Emotional created by OverMaster

The 2814-series created by Shadow Crystal Mage.

SCM's Warning: this fic contains unholy levels of crack, crossovers, awesome, madness, and slight amounts of cake. If you dislike excessive amounts of the aforementioned… then how the heck did you get this far reading this? Are you simply masochistic? Or are you so intent on telling us what's wrong with this fic and why you hate it so much and how we're canon rapists that you'll actually keep reading just so you're well-researched? In that case, you are in serious need of mental help, dood…

OM's Warning: Ummmm… Well, yeah, basically that. Please enjoy this; we poured all our hearts and effort into it.

...

Prologue 1: Roberta's Love.

Six Years Ago:

"Chaka." The voice came outas harsh and haunting as the bark of a dog from hell. But the creature standing over Chaka's fallen, bloodied body was not a three headed giant Cerberus with huge drooling jaws full of fangs.

It was something scarier.

"You went too far, Chaka," the woman hissed inhumanly, aiming the shotgun built into her umbrella at his head (a genuine Cobblebot-endorsed item, not like those cheap rip-offs you find these days) like Mary Poppins after a REALLY bad day. "What the hell were you thinking? Thought we'd cave into your demands? That we'd get our hands dirty to help you gain control over the Washimine family? Get this into your head before I blow it off; the Yukihiro Zaibatsu never will get involved with people like you!"

The bleached young gangster still smiled cockily at her, even though his teeth were all dangling like the keys of a broken piano, about to fall off at any moment. "Yeah. Yeah, sure, I get it. That's why you're working for them, isn't it... Bloodhound of Florencia?"

The woman growled, pressing a foot down on his crotch until it bled. To his credit, he barely screamed. To his lack of credit, there wasn't much to press down on.

The man huffed and puffed, still attempting to stand back on broken legs even though he had, metaphorically, already had his house blown down. "You hypocrite bitch... After all you've done, you got the galls to try and call me on my business?-!"

"Shut up," she said, pushing the shotgun's barrel against his mouth ("Rust proof tip, perfect for intimidation, acid flowers, and Bat gadgets!"). "I don't care what you or anyone else may think about it. But you dared kidnap the Señorita. That very moment, you signed your death sentence."

The man snarled, defiant to the end, even though his voice cracked with some hints of fear. "Then just do it, bloodhound bitch. You might love your precious kid, but let's see if that prissy little cunt keeps on loving you once she finds out the kind of person you really are..."

"That's none of your business, Chaka," she said. "And you never should offend a young lady like that."

She pulled the trigger, and a grotesque collage of red splattered in all directions (Joker's Note- "Perfect for the hanging on your refrigerator! Or all over the kitchen! Ha ha ha hahahahahaha!").

The woman sighed and put her round thick glasses back on. She turned her back on him and slowly walked all over the bullet riddled corpses that had been behind her, soon reaching the door. She walked into the room, quickly closing the door behind herself so the horrors right outside would remain unseen by her young mistress.

"Roberta!" Ayaka chirped from the chair she was tied to, finally relieved at seeing a familiar face, smiling brightly despite the redness of her tearful eyes and the red slap mark on her right cheek.

"Ojou-sama." With a kind smile, the maid bowed to her, then began undoing her ropes. "Are you okay? How are you feeling?"

"I am... fine, Roberta," the small blonde replied, rather firmly all things considered. The maid sighed, relieved those monsters apparently had not done anything too traumatizing to her. And her young mistress was brave and strong, even more than many men Roberta had met through her years in the seedy worlds of violence. Ayaka-chan turned to the terrified girl with long dark hair and glasses tied to the chair next to her. "It's all right, Yukio-chan! She's Roberta! My serv— My friend!" she corrected herself, trying to comfort the older child.

"Washimine Yukio-sama? Daughter of Washimine Ryuzo-sama?" Roberta asked while untying the second child.

"Y-Yes..." she replied, still afraid. The woman smelled of gunpowder and blood all over, much like her father's men.

The maid nodded. "I'll take you back with your father as well."

She took a child by each hand and began guiding them to the back door.

"Why don't we go the way you came from, Roberta?" Ayaka asked.

"That way is... dirty, Ojou-sama."

"And what were all those horrible noises?" her precious Señorita asked again.

"I'll tell you later, Ojou-sama."

Six years after, she still hadn't told her. She was sure Ayaka knew by now, naturally. But she had the good grace of never bringing the issue up again.

At the night of the anniversary, every year, Yukio Ojou-sama, always escorted by her bodyguard Ginji, and Ayaka Ojou-sama, would get together, just to have pastries and dine together, quietly, never talking about that day.

At most, Ayaka would ask, "So... how is your father's business doing?"

And Yukio Ojou-sama would shyly answer, "Well... Yashida-san is giving us some problems, but... nothing we cannot handle..."

Ayaka would nod politely and offer her more biscuits. "Is it true Daidouji-chan is trying to move in…?"

Prologue 2: Miscalculation.

Today:

Evangeline hummed to herself as she flipped through the thick dusty tome, with several dozens of similarly big books stashed at her side, their treatment sure to appall any member of the Library Club and drive them to apoplectic fury. She had been reading for hours now, even going as far as to actually put on reading glasses that would have made almost anyone go all "Awww" over her if they saw her. Assuming they could look past the fact that, other than those, she was wearing nothing but black panties.

Um, where were we? Oh yeah, black panties…

Oh! Right, the story…

Her private library was otherwise completely silent; only Chachamaru stood at the door with her hands crossed over her lap, and even she was in standby mode.

"Interesting," Eva finally said. "So, it's just as I suspected. I *did* go overboard when biting the Boya that night. Not my intention at all, but..."

Now that made Chachamaru to tense in wariness– metaphorically speaking, of course. She was a robot, she didn't need o tense. "Master?"

"I knew his blood tasted too different last time I drank it," she said, rubbing her small chin, remembering her encounter with him a few days ago. "Well, I suppose it can't be helped now..."

"What do you mean, Master?" the gynoid asked with noticeable concern.

"Nothing." Evangeline put the book down. "Relax. It won't kill him. If anything, it's the opposite."

The robot barely looked any calmer now. "I see..."

Eva smiled somewhat smugly. "You want to know the details, don't you?"

Chachamaru looked down. "It is not my place to press you on your research, Master... However, if you saw fit to inform me, I... I'd be greatly honored..."

The blonde chuckled and gestured for her to get closer. "I'll tell you. But not a single word to anyone or you'll regret it dearly. I'll tell the Boya myself when he's ready for it..."

Act 1:

Another Universe, Another Earth:

It was a perfectly average day in Mahora. It had all started the same way for nearly everyone on campus, from the humblest super-Shinso vampire to the most badass librarian. Get up, get dressed, run frantically to catch the train, meet friends at the station, run frantically to class, go to school, head to your next port of call, hear mysterious voice calling your name…

KIDDING! The last one didn't happen.

Satsuki of High School class 1-A hummed a soundless tune as she ran her restaurant car, dealing with the afternoon crowd. The TV that hung in the car above the bar was set on a news program rather than, say a sporting event or people stupidly competing in what was essentially a season-long gameshow, but none of her patrons were complaining. In fact, you'd actually doubt what they were watching was a news program if you went by their reactions alone, a complicated series of cries, cheers and wolf-whistles as they crowded around all free space to watch. Satsuki briefly debated getting a bigger TV.

"–aster was averted in the Philippines thanks to the heroic efforts of the international Science Action Team, the Justice League," the newscaster of Metro News Ichi said, to rabid applause. "While the idea of teams of superheroes is not new, an idea pioneered by the premiere Magical Girl team known as the Sailor Senshi, this international endeavor promises to do so on a scope beyond anything previously organized, second only to the alliance known as the United Magical Girl Association." There was more cheering, and Satsuki allowed herself a brief smile, glancing at the second train car behind this one. "From its beginnings completely thwarting the attempted invasion of extra-terrestrial shape-shifting vampires, the Justice League has quickly begun to make put its mark upon the world, acting as an international emergency quick response team in cases of natural disasters, as well as dealing with rogue metahumans and other beings that local forces and heroes are ill-equipped to handle. Although skeptics predicted a backlash from local 'heroes' at the outside interference, the opposite has happened, with heroes from all nations welcoming the group with open arms."

A dark-skinned, dark clad man with a rather nice hat was being interviewed onscreen, with the subtitle identifying him as 'Anansi', from Africa. "While I admit I usually prefer to work alone," he said in dubbed Japanese, "I would never refuse aid selflessly given, especially not from so noble a personage as Superman! In this field, help is always welcome. It is so often not there when one needs it."

It shifted to another interview, of a fur-covered beast-man who spoke with an accent before the dub covered it over. "Hey, no complaints from me. We sometimes get some of those giant ocean monsters stomping through here, lost, and let me tell you, it's a pain in the neck to get 'em to leave with just these little things." He raised his hand, showing a nasty set of claws. The subtitle read 'Tasmanian Devil'. "But that little Green Lantern girl and her ferret friend have always been nice about popping over when I give them a ring. Got them on my speed dial for stuff like that. If this League means next time I call she's got big blue, the Flash, and those other guys with her, then more power to 'em!" A pause. "No, I'm not going to give you her number."

The screen cut to another interview, showing a muscular man in tight-fitting yellow spandex-like material that had become common after being popularized by Superman, a red cape over his shoulders. For some reason, he was holding an enormous barbell, idly twirling it as easily as one would a straw. "Superman is my idol!" the hero, identified as 'Captain Barbell' from the Philippines, said. "He's the reason I do what I do to help people! Why would I be mad? Hell, I'd be okay with the Justice League coming to help more often! Frankly, we're swamped here, and things have gotten a little short-handed since Wapak-man ran for Senator, especially since he still does the professional boxing on the side. Did you see him beat out Mosley the Saturday before Mother's Day? Mabuhay ang Katarungan! Mabuhay ang Pilipinas!"

The program shifted back to the studio. "In other news, Akihabara is abuzz with the new 'armored knight' and 'combat meido' look, started by Mahora's very own courageous Leader Red– oh, excuse me, she's calling herself 'Twilight Red' now–and the elegant AngelGARd… "

As the news report droned on, Satsuki wondered what the 'courageous Twilight Red and elegant AngelGARd' were doing…

...

"WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO CHACHAMARU?-!-?-!-?-!-?-!"Hakase Satomi cried as she entered the robotics lab from a side-door, the exclamation being absorbed by the constant, roaring din echoing through her lab.

Asuna sighed as she helped the gynoid onto the workbench, cleaning away some of the usual clutter. "Will you unclench, Hakase? Chachamaru's arm just got a little banged up, okay?" She turned to the gynoid. "I told you trying to save all those kittens from that falling tree in one go was a stupid idea!"

"The objective was achieved," Chachamaru said. "There are no regrets."

Negi frowned, wrapping one of Hakase's labcoats around himself. Unlike the girls, his combat outfit didn't disappear when he deactivated his Artifact, since he didn't have an Artifact to deactivate. The long-tailed battle-outfit he wore–which Chisame sometimes sarcastically called an 'asscape'– was a variation of the clothes he wore while training, modified to be quite distinctive. "Still, Chachamaru-chan, you should be careful," he said, mouth puckering slightly in what would almost be a pout, as it usually did when he was trying to look serious to convey the gravity of a situation to his students. Consensus agreed it just made him cuter. "If anything happened to you, we'd be devastated."

Hakase sighed and took her stethoscope off Chachamaru's back, knowing the gynoid's internal pump would be too busy over-clocking for her to get a decent sample after a comment like that. She checked just to make sure. Yup, Chachamaru was definitely blushing. As a mother, she should probably be concerned about that…

The door to her lab burst open, and Evangeline stomped in, a not-actually-stressed-enough-to-be-called-worried Konoka and a sighing Setsuna walking in after the little vampire. "WHAT HAPPENED TO CHACHAMARU!-?-!-?-!-?-!-?-!"she demanded, ignoring the fact that Chachamaru was there and apparently perfectly fine.

An irate Chisame followed in after her, only two of her usual six robot maids trailing after her, a Shamal-type and a Vita-type. Mint and Chitose, Hakase thought they were. "Look, I told you, she's fine!" the hacker said, still not changed from her preferred Biblion-Roulan-Rouge-slash-Calculator battle outfit, her Artifact still in her hands. "It was just a little servo trouble! Her self-repair systems will probably get it fixed by itself in an hour. Honestly, you've both been such worrywarts lately. By the way, Hakase, could you take a look at my maids for me? Ranpha, Forte, Milfeulle, and Vanilla are kinda beat."

"YOU GOT MY SERVANT CUT IN HALF!" Evangeline cried as Hakase angrily jerked her head in agreement.

"Please don't be so loud, Eva-sama," Yue said, entering the room sipping on some Salted-Milk soda with Nodoka and Haruna in tow, the latter still messing with her Artifact even though she'd had the good sense to change her clothes. "The walls are thick, but they're not completely soundproof. And it only happened once. Besides, Chachamaru isn't angry at us over it."

"Beside the point!" Evangeline snapped. "My servant didn't used to get beat up like this!"

"She didn't used to be a Magical Girl," Chamo pointed out as he clambered up to Negi's shoulder. "Come on, Eva-chin, lighten up!"

Evangeline jabbed a finger in Chamo's direction. The ermine cried out and nearly fell off in panic. "Watch it, worthless rodent! It's full moon tonight! Don't try my patience!"

There was a change in pitch to the roaring echoing through the lab.

"Hey, Hakase!" a voice cried from the room Hakase had come from. "Is it supposed to be wobbling like that?"

Chisame blinked. "What's Kuro doing here?"

"She's helping me with an experiment," Hakase said. "I'm trying to see if I can use Multi-Dimensional Refraction Phenomenon with a contained energy chronal-spatial singularity to create a stable cross-spatial distortion."

Asuna blinked in confusion. "Huh?" she said, turning to Chisame.

Chisame shrugged, looking annoyed. "Hey, don't look at me. I'm a hacker, not a thesaurus."

Yue frowned. "Wait, you left an experiment running unsupervised?

"It's not unsupervised!"" Hakase huffed. "Einzbern-san is keeping an eye on it!"

"Hakase, the sword is starting to vibrate!" Kuro's voice cried. "Something smells like it's burning…Oh, crap!"

A moment later, the dark-skinned Fate Knight was running into the room, a bright-yellow safety helmet on her head. "RUN AWAY!" she cried.

There was an electric sizzle from the next room, and the lights flickered. Hakase frowned. "Did the containment field go dow–?"

It was shear dumb luck that the blast threw Hakase out of the lab. The others, experienced as they were with sudden explosions, ducked for cover. This would later turn out to be a bad idea.

Asuna quickly got to her feet as the doors out of the lab swung wildly, a vaguely Hakase-shaped indent on the thick foam padding it had on this side. "Everyone all ri–?"

This was not a day for completing sentences. In fact, it was a very bad day fo–

The doors to the inner lab were ripped off their hinges, and Asuna was knocked down as, with a sudden roar, the air was suddenly moving at gale-force towards the experiment chamber. There was the creak of stressed masonry as the air pressure in the chamber dropped to zero and went into the negatives in less than a heartbeat, Asuna actually getting lifted up and sent flying towards the room.

Chachamaru reacted swiftly, one hand clamping down so hard to the workbench bolted to the floor she left handprints, the other shooting out towards Asuna, trailing behind a length of high-strength cord. The rocket punch managed to catch Asuna, the hand at the end of it coming down to clamp on her arm like a manacle. The line went taut as Asuna dangled from it, gravity overcome by the powerful suction, hanging like some kind of strange kite.

There were twin cries as the lightweight Yue and Nodoka were knocked off their feet in the gale, and Chachamaru reacted as best as she could, swinging Asuna to intercept their trajectory. Thankfully, the princess managed to catch them, tucking them under her free arm like they were oversized rolls of laundry. The servos in Chachamaru's arm kicked into gear, pulling the three back over to Chachamaru. The retrieval was slow due to their added weight, and the fight against the enormous suction wasn't helping.

Negi and Evangeline had managed to get a hold of the workbench, the vampire cursing in what sounded like Romanian. Negi's clothes flapped wildly in the wind as he reached out to grab Chisame, Setsuna and Konoka, who were sliding across the floor, even weighed down as they were by the maids. He managed to pull them towards the bench, their added weight giving the mounting stability. Chamo had run into one of Negi's sleeves. Too late, Chachamaru's internal language database finally raised a card as they translated what Hakase had been saying.

"A contained energy chrono-spatial singularity to create a stable cross-spatial distortion"…:"A black hole to create a stable wormhole."

Had Chachamaru been less of a nice person, or had she been named after, say, some sort of firearm, she'd have been very inclined to call her mother an idiot.

A piece of glassware bounced off the side of Chachamaru's head. Other things in the room were also flying, being drawn up by the incredibly powerful suction. There was a crack as the door handle Haruna had been holding on to broke. A red-clad arm shot out, managing to grab the mangaka's ankle. Kuro had thrust several swords into the floor, using them as braces and handholds to steady herself, but even with the leverage, the homunculus looked like she was struggling with the mangaka's weight.

"Nice thong!" she managed to call out.

"Thanks!" Haruna answered back, managing to keep hold of her hat and Artifact. "Want it?"

"Maybe later!"

"WOULD YOU TWO PERVERTS FOCUS!" Asuna cried, deafening poor Nodoka and Yue…

Chachamaru's eyes narrowed. Nodoka's eyes were half-lidded, and she looked like she was falling unconscious. Yue looked about the same, feebly raising a hang to rub her eyes. What…?

The air…Chachamau realized. The air is getting difficult for them to breath. In a few minutes, everyone but the master and myself will lose consciousness.

The roaring rose higher.

With a cry, Kuro lost the battle against leverage, and she and Haruna went tumbling past, looking like someone had turned the entire building 90 degrees as they 'fell' back towards the experiment chamber.

The workbench groaned. Then, with a crack of badly welded metal tearing, the whole workbench was ripped out of the ground. Frantically, Chachamaru twisted, letting go of the bench and managing to wrap her legs around Evangeline, Negi and Chisame, her free arm rising as she aimed for the open doors out of the lab, aiming for the doorframe, and launched her rocket punch.

There was a click, and error messages appeared on her diagnostics as the arm jammed. Horrified, Chachamaru could only turn to stare at their destination.

In the now completely stripped experiment chamber, drawing them in as if they were falling, an enormous, rainbow colored sphere stood surrounded by what looked like an energy projection array, several arms outlining an imaginary circle. One of the arms had a slightly charred look to it. It wasn't a perfect sphere, fluctuating and bulging like something inside a lava lamp in the area of the charred arm…

And then the rainbow was all around them, and Chachamaru could feel the stresses all around her, on more than just her body's skin sensors. It was as if some unregistered, unlogged internal sensor was also being subjected to stress, and she could feel the effects on that sensor more acutely and urgently than on anything else she was equipped with. She couldn't help it. Chachamaru cried out…

The last thing she heard properly was Asuna, Kuro and Chisame's cry of "HAKASE, YOU IDIIIIIOOOOOTT!-!-!-!-!-!-!-!"

...

In Juuban, Tsukino Usagi suddenly cried out, clutching at her head. She collapsed in the midst of the picnic they were having, her sight growing dark as she saw Mamoru, rushing to her side, Jadeite dropping the plate Minako had just handed him…

Her last thought was that it was a waste of perfectly good cake.

...

The time-space renegade Chao Lingshen snapped out of a blissful doze and winced, her neck aching as alerts from her computer screamed at her. She'd fallen asleep at her desk again, but she didn't even look at the slightly drool-soaked notes in Interlac she'd fallen on as she rushed to the displays, cursing as she stubbed her toe. Her stomach turned cold as she saw the display.

GL Code: 849,822.

Her heart sank further as she saw the location of the occurrence. Frantically, she accessed the surveillance bugs she'd left at Hakase's lab, trying to watch dispassionately as the events unfolded before her eyes. She switched to a temporal feed on her bootleg connection to the Time Gates, noting Sailor Moon's reaction at about the same time. Her stomach twisted. "Oh, crap…"

She punched in Kaleidoscope calculation protocols with one hand, the other reaching into the drawer under the console and rummaging around for her Key, slapping it into the access port and booting up the communications link. "Please don't blow me off, please don't blow me off…" she prayed, hoping her contact didn't suffer one of her rare bouts of unprofessionalism.

"What?" came the terse, slightly annoyed reply as the call through time, space and probability connected. It wasn't the proper response, or even a polite one, but Chao was just thankful she'd answered

Quickly, she rattled off her time/space/timeline identifiers, not stopping punching in the calculations. "It's me! Something's happened to Arcueid…!"

...

Hakase winced as the Robotics Lab power grid finally overloaded, plunging the hallways in darkness. Her lab abruptly went silent as power ceased to be fed to her Singularity Array, the ground shuddering as Kaleidoscopic energy expended itself. Why did she always forget to install the fail-safe cutoffs? And there went her 'not-overloading-the-power-grid' streak. It was a good 23 day run while it lasted. Granted, no major experiments had actually been hurt, since everyone had run their really important stuff on independent power sources long before she regularly shorted out the grid, but she wasn't looking forward to the lecture she was going to get for this.

She pushed herself off from where she'd fallen behind the doors leading to her lab. Thankfully she'd had a wall to brace herself against, or else she'd have been drawn right back into the room. She entered warily, annoyed to find that the hazmat suits she usually left near the door for such emergencies were gone. As were most of the small items in her lab. And some of the medium items. She'd need new furniture. And a new workbench. And considering how she dealt with her laundry, likely a new wardrobe as well. Well, at least her girlfriend would be happy. Sakurako was always up for taking her shopping. She checked the experiment chamber, half hoping they were somehow there, half-afraid of a raging Chisame or Eva out for her blood, figuratively and literally. Bupkiss.

She sighed as the first of the concerned other scientists could be heard out in the halls. She didn't have much time. Fortunately, all the 'special' gear she kept for Cassandra and Chao were someplace else. She turned and headed for of the lab, passing other lab-coated teenagers and a few older folk who asked her what the hell was going on, heading for com-lab that S.T.A.R. labs had donated and which she had been banned from unless there was an actual emergency, and everyone else in the facility was either dead or infected by zombifying nanobots.

Really, it wasn't like she'd been trying to catch signals for Tamaranean porn on purpose!

The room was mostly empty, with only Jiro-kun watching a monitor which he frantically shut off, blushing. "Hakase-san? You're not allowed back in here anymore, remember?"

"It's an emergency," Hakase said, heading for a terminal.

Jiro, aghast and horrified, rushed for one of several emergency cabinets next to the door, grabbing the hammer hanging next to it. "Crap! It's happened, hasn't it? It told Gosunkugi it was a bad idea! How many have been infected? What do you need to create an electromagnetic pulse to wipe out the nanobots? I think we still have some transmitter coils and capacitors at the back–"

Hakase caught his arm before he managed to break the glass. "Gosunkugi was thrown out for giving his Real Doll inappropriate upgrades, remember? Relax! What is it with you and that Shotgun? Anyway, it's still an emergency! Help me hook up to the main transmitter. There's been an accident at my lab?"

"What kind?" Jiro asked. "Because I had a bet on a runaway DNA computer–"

"Jiro-kun! Focus!Go outside and activate the emergency generator! I need to place this call!"

Jiro frowned. "What kind of call do you need to place that you'll need the–" He cut off, his eyes widening.

Hakase nodded grimly. "Go," she said.

Face pale, he turned and ran as Hakase booted the system, typing in the long string of connection protocol from memory, and typing up the even longer string of the program that would wipe the protocol from the memory when she was done. When she heard the power coming on to the main transmitter, she activated the connection, waiting.

The screen flickered, and resolved into the image of a relatively fit man in a tight red suit, a lightning-bolt symbol on his chest, eating a donut. "'Eroh?" he said, still not finished chewing.

Hakase smiled, switching to English so as not to waste time with universal translators and such. "Hi. My name is Satomi Hakase, from the Mahora Academy Robotics lab? Green Lantern-chan said to call here in case of a really big emergency?"

Behind he heard the door opening as Jiro panted in, looking dumbfounded at who he saw on the screen. "Holy Chao…" he swore.

The man on the screen frowned, swallowing. "Greenie told you? What's this about?"

Hakase shuffled in embarrassment. "There was a lab accident…"

The man in red sighed. "Oh… one of those. Runaway robot, accident that led to some guy getting super powers and now he's going on a rampage, out of control world-ending experiment, or supervillain theft and interference?"

Hakase thought. "Um, a little of 3? Tell Green Lantern-chan I think I made an 849822…"

"I'll get her," he said. "Sit tight!"

There was a flash of red as he suddenly disappeared.

Jiro was still staring. "You have the Justice League's number?" he said in awe.

Hakase shrugged. "Green Lantern gave it to me. I'm her go-to robot girl. Apparently Ala Alba recommended me to her. Besides, after what happened last month with the vending machine, she said if anything happened I was to let her know right away."

"How the heck did you manage to turn the vending machine into a killer robot, anyway?"

"A genius never reveals her secrets until they give her the necessary Nobel Prize."

"Do you think…?"

"No, I won't give you their number."

"Darn it… you know, you shouldn't even be here!"

"Go back to your Tamaranean porn, Jiro-kun…"

...

Act 2:

Back at a certain Unequally Rational and Emotional Universe…

"Pleased to meet you, Tomoe-sensei, Testarossa-sensei." Konoka bowed with the studied and practiced perfection refined through dozens of official galas, omiais and visits to Father's domains.

"Charmed, Konoka-chan," the tall thin man with round glasses and grayish hair said, giving her a kind smile and a bow of his own. "Maybe you don't remember me, but I first saw you years ago. I'd say back then you were..."

"Six years old," his wife completed for him. "Konoemon-sensei brought her to our wedding, remember?"

"Oh, yes, I do now." Professor Tomoe rubbed the back of his neck with a hand, apologetically. "Well, make yourself at home, Konoka-chan. Kaori-san will take you with Hotaru-chan and Fate-chan while we discuss our long boring matters. Feel free to ask for anything you want."

Konoemon reached a hand to pat Konoka's hair fondly. "We won't take long, Konoka-chan. In the meanwhile, get along with your new friends, will you?"

"Okay, Grandpa!" the teen said, smiling brightly before being led out by the tall red haired woman in the tight red dress. That woman, much like Testarossa-sensei, had a mostly cold and distant expression on her face, very different from Tomoe-sensei's easy-going attitude, and she was silent all the way to the girls' room. Respectfully, Konoka didn't say anything as she followed her, either. She knew servants could often be bitter about their tasks and duties, and in many cases, she understood why. Many of Grandpa and Dad's friends, if you could call them that, were utterly ungrateful towards their employees, although Konoka doubted that was Tomoe-sensei's case. His wife's, on the other hand...

"It's here, Konoe Ojou-sama," Miss Kaori said, opening the room's door for her and gesturing for her to walk in. "Fate-Ojousama knows how to contact me in case you need it."

"Thank you!" Konoka nodded, walking inside while Kaori closed the door behind her.

There were, as expected, two girls in the room. One of them was lying on her back in the humongous bed, covered up to her chest by hideously expensive and fine white sheets. She was pale and very thin, apparently only one or two years younger than Konoka herself. Her hair was black and short, and she seemed to be breathing with some difficulty.

Another girl, this one of ten or eleven years, sat next to the bed, holding the other child's right hand tightly. She had long golden hair, currently loose cascading down her back; beautiful clear sad eyes, and pale, yet healthier looking, skin. She wore a simple black dress, and her feet were bare. At said feet was the biggest dog Konoka had ever seen in her life; it almost looked like a lion. Its fur was thick and reddish, and its face somehow conveyed an air of tension and aggressiveness, as if it was about to pounce on her at any moment.

That actually made Konoka to pause, but the blond girl looked at her and simply said, in a voice barely above a whisper, "Come closer. Arf won't attack you. I assume you are Konoe Konoka?"

"Yes," Konoka said, walking to the chair at the other side of the bed, since Fate was pointing at it. She sat down just as the lying girl tried to sit back up.

"Pleased to meet you... Konoe-san..." she coughed weakly, covering her mouth with a tissue. "Please excuse me, but I don't think I'll be able to stand up for you..."

"Don't strain yourself, Onee-sama," Fate asked her. "Father said you couldn't exert yourself for at least another week..."

"It's my pleasure, Hotaru-san," Konoka bowed again. The daughter of the Mahora College Area director smiled at her as best as she could.

"Do you want something to eat?" she said. "We could call for—"

"Thank you, but I already ate at the reception," Konoka replied. "There's no need to disturb Kaori-san."

The dog growled at the mere mention of the servant's name. Funnily, it even sounded more like a lion than a dog.

"Arf is a very, very big doggy," Konoka observed, trying to find a starting conversation topic. "What race is he?"

"She," Fate corrected. "She's the only one in her race. You could say... she's a unique cross-breed."

"Ahhhh," Konoka said. "I suppose she's a very good guardian, isn't she?"

"The best," Fate ran her free hand through the dog's fur, eliciting a satisfied sound from her.

Konoka smiled. Both girls seemed to be very withdrawn and introverted, but they seemed to be good people after all. Many children of influential people were nothing but spoiled and pushy brats, but the two of them seemed... different. Something in Fate reminded her of Setchan, particularly. She wondered if she should introduce them to Mamoru-kun…

"How long have you had her?" the Konoe heiress asked.

"Since we moved here," Hotaru spoke the first time.

"Do you two go to school? Because I've never seen you at the campus..." Konoka continued.

"We're home schooled," Fate answered, droning the words out. "Onee-sama is too sickly, and I must stay here to look after her."

"I see. Now that's a shame..." Konoka offered.

"I'm sorry, Fate-chan," Hotaru breathed. "If not for me, you— You—"

"I don't mind," Fate patted her hand softly. "I'll never complain about staying at your side."

Konoka was moved, seeing the devotion they seemed to have for each other despite not being blood sisters. Definitely reminded her of herself and Setchan...

Or at least, how she used to be with Setchan...

Suddenly, she felt like aching inside.

Setchan... Why did you drift apart so much..? You'll barely talk to me anymore...

...

Act 3:

Negi sat behind his desk, waiting patiently for the next parent who would give their authorization for the Kyoto trip. So far, he had talked with Professor Akashi, who naturally posed no obstacles for Yuuna's attendance, and Ako's uncle and tutor, writer Izumi Soujirou, a rather unkempt but affable and agreeable man. He looked at his schedule; next on list was Haruna's mother, and then Zazie's. Frankly, he was curious about what kind of women they would be.

Someone knocked at the door, and he fixed his tie for the umpteenth time. "C-come in, please!" he said.

The orange-haired head of a teenage boy peeked in. "Excuse me... N-Negi-sensei, right? I'm Yuuki Rito from High School Class... uhh, well, actually, I don't know what class they'll assign me to now, but—"

Negi blinked. "Oh, pleased to meet you, Yuuki-san. However, not to be rude, but I happen to have a meeting right now with—"

"S-Saotome Haruna-san's mother?" the boy meeped.

"Yes. How did you—" Negi started.

"Actually, Haruna-san... told me to come here," the boy fidgeted while blushing deeply.

"Why?" the teacher asked.

"Ah... You see, I... I don't know for sure," he admitted. "But I think it's because she wants me to meet her mother, too..."

"And why would that be?" Negi wondered innocently.

"B-B-Because we... we kinda are..."

"RIIIIIITO-KUUUUUN!" Haruna sprang in from the outside, latching onto the teen's back with a loud, manic giggle. "Oh, so you came after all! I'm so happy!"

"Gah-Gah-Good morning, Haruna-chan!" Rito puked the words out, too overcome by the feeling of her large breasts rubbing up and down his back.

Negi stared on blankly. "Saotome-san?"

"Hey, Negi-kun!" she lifted a hand up. "Sorry to keep you waiting! Mom wouldn't find a cab cheap enough for her, so it took her a while to get here!"

"Taxis around here are far too expensive," a shapely attractive woman in her mid to late thirties huffed softly, walking into sight with perfect elegance and aplomb, wearing a business suit with tie and knee-length skirt. Her hair was short and dark brown, cut in a pageboy style. She looked at the boy sitting before of a pile of books behind the desk and bowed to him formally. "So very pleased to meet you, Springfield-sensei. I'm Saotome Tendo Nabiki. Haruna's mother."

"Mom!" Haruna grabbed Rito by the shoulders, almost pushing him into her mother. "This is Yuuki Rito-kun, my first boyfriend!"

"B-Boyfriend?-!" Negi's eyes widened behind his glasses.

"Huh-Huh-Hello!" Rito held up a stiff hand, barely registering anything but the fact Haruna seemed to have inherited her bust size from her mother. "Ch-Cha-Charmed to meet you, Ma'am!"

The woman looked up and down at him, coldly, then told her daughter, "He seems normal."

Somewhere Hito Nami cried "Don't call me normal!" then blinked when she realized no one was to say she was normal. "ARGH! I do something really abnormal for once and no one is around to notice! I'm in despair! My normalcy has left me in despair!"

"Of course he is!" Haruna protested.

"You're too young to—" Negi began, but his voice trailed off when he remembered maybe he was not in the best position to talk.

Mrs. Saotome apparently paid him no attention, choosing to ask the older boy instead a simple but blunt, "How much do you know about my daughter?"

"Well, we've just started... dating, but—"

"Has she told you about her 'Yamada-san' plan?" the woman asked.

"Y-Yes!"

"About her... bilateral inclinations?"

"First thing she told me about," he gulped.

"Typical of her," the mother sighed. "Her plans for world conquest?"

"She... She has appointed me 'Future Regent of the Netherlands, Emperor of New Zealand, First Consort Prince of the Crown, and Secretary of Global Gardening'!" the young man blurted out.

Nabiki hummed, then shot her daughter an icy glare. "I was promised the Netherlands!"

"I'll give you Belgium and Belarus instead!" Haruna offered.

"Not enough!"

"Fine! You win, I'll give you both Koreas too! I know you've always wanted them!"

Nabiki-san smirked smugly before returning to a somewhat less surrealist venue of conversation. "Regardless, what is your CURRENT financial status? I expect for my daughter's suitors to be able to satisfy her monetary needs… among other things"

Rito opened his mouth.

Haruna beat him to the punch. "His father is a superstar mangaka, and his mother is a top fashion designer!"

Nabiki blinked in mild awe at that revelation. Briefly, the faint sound of a cash register at work was heard coming out of her head. And then she smiled slowly, rubbing Rito's shoulders in a not-too-motherly way. "Good boy. Tell me, are your interests only aimed at girls slightly under your own age?"

"MOM!" Haruna protested.

"What? I only was joking!"

"Yeah, sure. I know you..." her daughter scoffed.

"Well, he IS kinda cute..." Nabiki shrugged, and Rito's face took the shape of a distressed abstract portrait. Negi just sat there, once again lost as hell. You'd have thought he was part-Hibiki.

Haruna crossed her arms. "If you want to go there... you know you'll have to go all the way..."

Nabiki shook her head. "I've told you... Not interested in that, sorry."

"I'd throw... let's say Italy into your share, too."

"I'm your mother."

"And Auntie Akane's your sister. Your point?"

At that point, Rito had just melted down and tried to ooze for the door. Negi's instincts had told him to block everything out for the sake of his own sanity, and started to check the schedule of the next few parents' arrivals instead.

A few more unheard negotiations later, Mrs. Saotome sat down in front of him with a small smile. "So sorry for keeping you waiting!"

"Huh? Oh, don't worry," he said, putting the papers aside. "So very pleased to meet you, ma'm."

"Likewise. Please forgive my foolish husband's absence. My younger sister was kidnapped by a foreign prince week and a half ago, and he and some... friends... are tracking them down to an island in the South Pacific."

"Good to know she hasn't lost her touch yet," Haruna mused from where she sat fanning Rito back to consciousness.

"I... understand..." Negi forced himself to nod.

"You do?" Mrs. Saotome questioned.

"No. Not really," he had to admit with shame.

"Don't worry. No one ever does," the woman kindly petted his head. "You know, you're even cuter. Haruna-chan, is he in your... ah... range of admired people as well?"

"OF COURSE!" Haruna did her best M. Bison impression.

Negi smiled again. "Well, I'm honored to know you admire me, Haruna-san. All teachers should strive to be admired by their students, but... Ahhhh, Saotome-san, you... can stop stroking my hair now..."

Nabiki half-purred happily. "So, where should I sign to go on that trip with you, too?"

"MOM!" Haruna repeated.

"What? Like you always said, we should spend more... time together! And it IS a free trip, after all!"

No doubt they were related. Yup, no doubt at all…

Act 4:

After that… rather rocky and shaky start, the talk with Mrs. Saotome turned out fairly smooth. Her main concern seemed to be the Academy covering all the expenses of Haruna's trip, and once that was guaranteed, she had no problems with signing the documents. Then she and her daughter gave him their goodbyes, Haruna surprising him by pecking his forehead before walking out with her mother and a still mostly-paralyzed Rito.

Negi sat alone and flushed, pondering if wiping his forehead off would be decent or rude. He looked into the pocket mirror Nekane had given him after saying a gentleman should always mind his appearance, She had left no lipstick marks there, so he figured there was no actual point in wiping it off. It was nothing but an innocent token of affection, after all, he told himself.

Then someone knocked at the door, and he remembered Rainyday-san's mother was next. He pocketed the mirror and straightened his tie yet again. "C-Come in, if you please!"

A tall, buxom blond woman with narrow, bitter eyes and long wavy hair walked in, saluting him with a mere nod of her head. Negi blinked in confusion. Not exactly the mental image he had about Rainyday-san's mother. For starters, she was dressed all in black, in a way that reminded him of a chauffeur or elite bodyguard. Then there were those strange red facial markings she had...

He opened his mouth to speak, but before the first word could be uttered, the woman opened the door even more, bowing as she made way for someone else to enter. "Hild-sama, Zazie Ojou-sama, it is safe."

"Thank you, Marller-chan," a purring, deeply sexy female voice spoke, its slow and alluring cadence almost inebriating, somehow making Negi to feel uneasy all of a sudden. Very briefly, the back of his neck itched. A lot.

"Good morning, Sensei," Zazie said, walking in quietly, followed by a much taller, much, much more voluptuous woman in a slinky red dress, more befitting a scandalous cocktail party than an Academy for teenagers. Her long hair was white as snow, with bewitching silvery tones. Her skin was as dark as Zazie's, and she had a few facial markings as well, oddly star shaped, but not big enough to be distracting. Probably the fact her chest was so big and her cleavage was so wide was distracting enough by itself to ensure most people didn't even notice the markings for their first several encounters.

Negi fought a blush as he tried to keep looking at the woman's eyes. For some reason, it was hard. Very hard. No dirty pun intended. Well, maybe just a little. "H-How do you do... I mean..."

The impossibly sexy woman smirked sultrily at him.

And then she was right before him, glomping him in a suffocating hug against her round chest, cooing as Zazie sat down with no expression and Marller made a silent, long suffering face. "Ohhhh, so you're Negi-kun! You're so horribly cute...!"

Negi's arms and legs flailed around wildly.

"Mother," Zazie said.

"Aren't you the loveliest little thing ever?" her mother seemed oblivious to her. "No wonder Zazie talks so much about you! How old are you, cutie? Nine? Ten? Eleven?"

"Mother, I think he's having problems breathing," Zazie remarked, and Negi nodded as best as he could with his head trapped between those two huge mounds.

"Oh. Sorry." She assumed a dignified stance while putting Negi back down on his seat. The boy panted for air, his eyes almost dropping out of their sockets. "It's a real pleasure to meet you, Sensei. I am Hildegarde Rainyday, but you can call me... Hild. And this is my faithful assistant, Marller-chan."

The blond woman only bowed to Negi, as stiffly as possible.

"Mother is in the business of... engineered social beneficence," Zazie explained calmly.

"Ah?" Negi asked, not very eloquently, but it was understandable considering the fact he had never heard Zazie saying more than three words in a row before.

"Basically, you could say... I make people's wishes and desires into realities," Hild smiled in a rather placid, and yet unnerving, fashion. "For a reasonable price, of course. I'd give you our phone number, but you're still too young for our services. Once you are the legal age, however, rest assured I'll make sure Zazie-chan gets to contact you about it..."

"Th-Thanks..." Negi muttered, not finding anything else to say.

Act 5:

During Negi's brief but rather informative conversation with Mrs. Rainyday, Zazie did not say a single word, as usual, making him wonder if her three lines had been a hallucination bought on by oxygen deprivation. But her mother talked more than enough for both of them; it amazed Negi to see how such a talkative person could be so closely related to someone as secretive as Zazie.

And yet, as he'd only notice after she was gone, for all Hild-san talked and talked, all the information she gave him was very superficial. She'd talk about things like how much Zazie loved circuses, or the time when she took her first steps, but not a single thing about her father, or about the reasons behind her silence. Had they been alone, Negi would have asked on the latter, but he knew it was in bad taste to ask it before his student herself, and in a meeting scheduled for other reasons. He made a mental note to ask Hild-san about it sometime later. All in all, he would enjoy another chat with her. Her company felt oddly... nice.

She once mentioned Zazie having sisters when talking about their first visit to a circus, but the mere mention of the word "sisters" made Zazie wince for the only time in the whole talk, so her mother simply skipped past it very quickly.

Marller-san stood at the door similarly still and silent the whole time, although the frustrated expression on her face told of very different causes for her silence.

Finally, Hild signed the papers, making a passing joke about how people usually signed contracts with her. Negi didn't understand it very well, but laughed along anyway.

As the three of them walked out, they happened to coincide with Chisame's sister Sora, who was coming in with Takahata and a short, black-haired young man Negi had never seen before. The young man stopped for a moment as soon as he saw Zazie's mother, his attention caught by something other than her physical attributes. Well, by her physical attributes AND something else, in any case.

She smiled at him in a vaguely mysterious, almost knowing fashion. "Good morning, young sir. Can I do something for you?"

"Huh? Oh, sorry!" he excused himself quickly. "It's just I felt a weird sense of déjà vu... Forgive me for asking this, but have we met somewhere else before?"

The tall woman put a finger on her lips, thought, then asked with a wry smile, "Would you happen to live in the Nekomi area? Near the Tariki-hoganji temple?"

"Oh, do you mean... that old temple near the hills? Yes! Exactly around there!" He brightened up. "Then we HAVE met!"

Hild laughed good naturedly, even as Marller scowled sourly in the background. "Yes, I remember seeing you... twice or thrice! My eldest daughter used to... live there as well. A long, long time ago..." she reminisced. A very short sigh escaped her lips, and she turned around to walk away. "I'd love to stay and chat, but I'm afraid I'm in a tight schedule. Maybe another time, Dear. Zazie-chan, before I go, why don't you show us that fantastic restaurant you mention so often...?"

The young man watched her go in stupefied silence, and only Sora's brief rasping brought him back to reality. "Ahem."

"Oh? Oh, sorry, everyone. I was trying to remember anything about that daughter of hers. Maybe she was someone I studied with..."

"Sure, Sempai," Sora said with only the slightest hint of jealousy before smiling at Negi. "Hello again, Negi-sensei. It's wonderful to see you again. This is one of my sempais at the Motor Club, Morisato Keiichi-san..."

"Charmed," Negi saluted, the older boy half-bowing, half-nodding back, rather clumsily. "Takamichi?" Negi turned to his colleague. "Shouldn't you be with—"

"Shizuna is handling my interviews for now," Takahata replied with a vague smile. "But I was asked by the Dean to show them their way here. The Parents' Association asked to have a representative in the trip, and since Hasegawa-san is an expert driver, the Dean thought of having her and one of her colleagues as the drivers for the trip's duration..."

"Could you do that, Hasegawa-san?" Negi asked her. "If you're busy with your own studies..."

"It's okay! We finished our final tests for this semester last week," she told him. "And really, anything for Chisame-chan. Like I promised last time I was here, I'm going to be a much better sister from now on!"

Negi's smile widened wonderfully. "That's wonderful! I'm sure she'll be so pleased when she learns about this...!"

Elsewhere, while updating her page yet again, Chisame felt an icy shiver running up her spine. Odd; the dress she was wearing wasn't THAT revealing, and there were no open windows in the room…

"Tsunetsuki, are you behind me?" she said.

"Of course," came the reply.

Chisame was getting good at kicking people out of the room. A pity she hadn't learned the skill sooner…

Act 6:

"I hope you find these palatable," Satsuki smiled kindly after setting the plate with nikkumen before Haruna's mother. The woman smiled back, highly pleased by the cheap prices of the food even before taking the first bite.

"Thank you... Satchan, wasn't it? Itadaikamasu!" she said, then began to dig in. Over the years, her husband's manners HAD rubbed off on her.

Rito watched in mild befuddlement as mother and daughter ate in pretty much the same way. Next to him, Nodoka and Yue ate with much better manners. Ayase paused between bites to ask, "By the way, Satsuki, when will we get to meet your parents?"

"They are out of the state right now," the chef explained calmly while serving her another glass of asparagus and carrot juice. "But it's okay. Cousin Sumiyoshi will come this afternoon to talk with Negi-sensei... How about you?"

"I'm kinda in the same boat as you," Yue admitted. "My cousin Asagi will handle it for me..."

Nodoka glanced in Rito's direction with some puzzlement. She'd never thought Haruna's first boyfriend would be someone like that. He even looked normal, other than his extreme nervousness! Actually, said nervousness only made him more tolerable to Nodoka. Older men had always scared her, but seeing this easily frazzled, somewhat slightly effeminate-acting, non-threatening boy almost made her to forget her usual panic when dealing with males above Negi-sensei's age.

"And your family, Chao-chan?" Haruna asked the owner as she walked out of the kitchen with several trays to hand over to Ku and Chachamaru. "Come to think about it, we've never met them. Will this year be the charm?"

Chao chuckled. "Fu, fu, fu! You may have met some of my relatives already! Let's just say they aren't complete strangers to this school. But seriously, no, my parents... won't be able to come this year either. But it's okay; the Dean already gave me the permission to go with you."

"You say the weirdest things," Haruna made a disapproving sound with her tongue. Then she noticed someone else was walking into the Chao Bao Zi. "Say! But if it isn't Zazie-chan! Is that her Mom? They look very similar... barring the whole breasts issue, that is..."

Chao had a very brief uneasy expression as soon as she laid her eyes on Zazie's mother. "I... I'll take their orders!" She handed the last remaining tray over to Satsuki. "Satchan, this one's for Kyouko-chan over there. Be a dearie and don't make her wait, ne?" she said, regaining her habitual bubbly attitude, or at least a good semblance of it. Good enough to fool everyone but Nabiki, who could see through her facade despite her lack of familiarity with the girl. The shrewish woman wondered what had just gone through the Chinese girl's mind.

Satsuki, always obedient, walked over to the side of a girl with reddish hair and a black bow on her head. "Here you go, Sakura-san..."

"Thanks," Sakura Kyouko said without a trace of good humor, starting to stuff her mouth quickly with the hot, delicious food.

"For crying out loud Kyouko, it's a mouth, not a hole!" her friend Sayaka said. "Chew, why don't you!"

Next to them, their mutual friend Tomoe Mami just laughed. Ah, young love, she thought, reaching for her own food. OM NOM NOM NOM!

Chao, meanwhile, walked to Zazie's table, where she was greeted by her classmate's mother with a placid and wide, yet unnerving, smile. "Why, hello, Chao-chan! You haven't changed at all since last time we met..."

"Yes. It's been... a while, ne?" She fixed an artificial but highly convincing smile on her face, handing her, Zazie and Marller a set of three menus. "You can pick anything you want; we're having a special offer today, to welcome our parents..."

"Yes, thank you. It's a shame yours won't be able to come, isn't it?" Hild mused deviously.

If the words left any sort of impression on Chao, she didn't show it. "Well, you know what they say. There's always a tomorrow..."

"And then another tomorrow after that..." Hild nodded. "And another one, and so on..."

"Ha ha ha, yes, but we girls should take those things one step at a time..." Chao laughed, despite the stings she was feeling in her heart.

Marller looked through her menu. "A hot meat pot for me, please."

Act 7:

In a quiet little part of the woods surrounding Mahora, a teenage boy and a very busty girl suddenly appeared out of thin air, having just embarked on a Light Novel-spanning misadventure involving time-travel, multiple versions of himself who'd jumped to where he'd jumped, multiple versions of the girl to help with said jumping, a talking cat, and a copy of a girl's love manga that had to be prevented from falling in the wrong hands, or it would have led to… look, stuff happened, it's not important.

These two now walking away in their own little brand of sexual tension are completely unimportant to the things that are to come, except for one little thing that they helpfully provide, which is a decent transition point. Seriously, those things are worth gold.

Were this a more visual medium, we'd have a montage of the sun and moon chasing each other across the sky as clouds moved like steam and the trees shuddered like jackhammers, or maybe pages falling off a calendar to indicate the passage of time. As it is, the best we can say is that time passed.

At the point where the boy and the girl had emerged several days and a few lines ago, rainbow light began to sparkle.

Suddenly, the rainbow effect burst outwards, creating a bright, shimmering sphere of energy, and there was a sudden explosive rush of air as a crapton of sucked-in gas was violently released outward. A couple of nearby threes actually cracked and were thrown back at the sudden blast, while countless others bent and swayed away, some having their positions permanently shifted as branches broke, their snapping like an impromptu fireworks display. Tons of random papers, loose screws, at least three chairs and several stools, much of Hakase's wardrobe, a table, the dismantled pieces of a refrigerator, and other assorted knickknacks came flying out through the gale before a screaming knight and a mangaka where flung from the portal.

Kuro reacted quickly, eyes snapping wide as reflexes kicked in. She had reference points now, and she flipped over, feet forward and grabbing Haruna to keep her from becoming a smear. The artist clamped onto her, long practice of getting thrown off buildings and such and needing to be caught having taught her the finer points of grabbing someone in midair so they can break the fall with something other than a lethal impact. Kuro focused prana through her body, Reinforcing her legs. Her feet dug furrows into the ground as she held Haruna tight with one hand, the other tracing an enormous sword with a hooked end, stabbing it into the earth to anchor her in place.

Haruna's eyes went wide. "Down!" she cried.

Kuro had begun moving as soon as she'd seen the other girl's eyes widen, diving forward and twisting to place herself between the ground and Haruna, hand letting go of her sword and Tracing Rho Aias to shield them. A huge workbench slammed into the flower-shaped Conceptual Weapon, deflecting the projectile off it easily. It was followed by an Ostian Princess, two librarians, a loli vampire, an Ostian Prince, three robot maids, a bodyguard holding an Oujo, a hacker, a weasel and several bits of glassware. It is unsure whether partridges or pear trees followed.

There was a final pulse of air that had Kuro sliding back, the sphere of energy seemed to implode and explode at the same time, and then the air was dead and still, leaving nothing to indicate the sphere had ever been there except for the spots dancing in Kuro's eyes, all sorts of Hakase's crap lying around everywhere, the copious amount of collateral damage to the area, and several people who hadn't been there before.

For a moment, everyone lay still, the only movement some papers still settling. Finally, Negi's very muffled voice said, "Whose hand is that?"

"Sorry!" several people said, and there was a great removing of hands.

As the adrenaline began to fade, Kuro realized she was still carrying Haruna, who had yet to put her feet on the ground. "Hey, Paru, you mind?" she said.

Haruna blinked, her startled expression incongruous against her grip on Kuro, which was as hard as steel. Librarian training, the Knight supposed. "Oh, sorry, Kuro-chan," she said, finally getting on her feet. The wide Saotome grin spread across her face. "Man, that was a good save! I owe you one."

"Can I feel you up?" Kuro said, returning the expression.

Haruna's eyes flickered sideways, and her expression got wider. "Now, Kuro-chan? I thought you were into your brother and sister?"

"I'm still human!" Kuro protested, eyes also flickering towards the other members of Ala Alba. "Later. Keep it on my tab."

"WILL YOU TWO STOP BEING DISGUSTING AND HELP US UP!" Chisame and Asuna chorused.

The two shared a glance, keeping their faces set in lecherous expressions, before strolling over to where everyone had gotten tangled up. "You're not actually going to…" Haruna hissed out of the corner of her mouth.

"Human, remember?" Kuro hissed right back. "Well, technically homunculus, but you know. Got a problem?"

"No, just making sure."

"Relax, I have good technique."

"How do you figure?"

"It's been taking longer for Illya-chan to snap and punch me off, and I'm pretty sure I got her to moan once."

They helped the others to their feet. Negi had somehow managed to land at the bottom, which explained why everyone had somehow managed to land a hand on his ass. They weren't sure how Yue ended up with her nose up Nodoka's skirt, though.

"Everyone all right?" Asuna asked as she untangled herself from Chachamaru's arm cable.

"Who needs healing?" Konoka chirped, a slightly rabid light in her eyes, wand in hand

"I think everyone is unharmed, Konoka-chan," Setsuna said, sweatdropping slightly.

Chamo moaned in pain.

"Ignore him. He's a joke character, a little thing like this can't really kill him, especially considering who're writing this fic," Asuna said dismissively, then blinked.

Chisame frowned. "What did you say?"

"I said he's not really hurt, so there's no reason to waste time on him," Asuna said. She frowned. "Didn't I?"

Haruna reached over and knocked on the 4thwall. It tickled slightly. "Looks like the wall's broken down. By a hammer, it looks like."

"Crap," Chisame said. "It'll be chapter 8 of the Nanoha fic all over again!"

...

Natsume Megumi, or Nutmeg as she was usually called by her friends, liked bridge bunny duty. It was a far sight better than those assigned to nun duty up top, as Misora liked to complain about, and unlike patrol duty, as Takane and Mei usually got saddled with, it was a sweet indoor job with no heavy lifting, no chance of meeting Orphans and, and this was the very important part, absolutely no chance of meeting up with 3-A, 3-F or that Suzumiya weirdo. Just sitting around in front of a keyboard and monitor watching as a lot of nothing usually happened.

Such an extensive description of the tranquility of the job, of course, means that poor little Nutmeg-chan was about to have a very bad day…

...

"Man, how the heck did we get all the way out here?" Asuna asked, looking around the woods. Chachamaru, Chitose and Mint, true to their maid-ly programming, were already hard at work gathering all Hakase's stuff and putting it into a neat, orderly pile. She peered out through the trees. "Well, at least we're still in Mahora. That's the World Tree over there."

Chisame, Kuro, and Yue snorted.

Asuna frowned at them. "What?"

The three looked at each other. "Who wants to go first?" Kuro asked dryly.

"I'll go," Yue said. She looked at Asuna. "That portal was a self-contained black hole. There is no way in hell we're still in Mahora."

"The device Hakase was using used Callandor," Kuro continued. "It's the hell-spawned lovechild of Excalibur and the Jeweled Sword of Zelretch, and uses the Second Magic as its power source, meaning it's an item that taps into the power of other universes to create a Wave Motion Blast. Do the math."

"When has anyone who ever fell in a portal like that ever come out anywhere near where they started from?" Chisame said.

Asuna raised a finger… and paused, eyes going unfocused. "Oh, crap," she said after a while.

Haruna brightened. "Hey, maybe we're in Vivio-chan's world! Do you think they'll let us drive giant robots?"

"God, I hope not," Chisame groaned. "A world insane enough to need giant robots to protect it is not one I want to visit, much less live in."

Negi blinked. "Didn't we use a giant robot in Fuyuki?"

"Exactly!"

Yue sighed. "Everyone, please focus. We're in another world–"

"Again!" Chisame said. "Everyone remember the last time this happened to us?"

Asuna frowned. "It wasn't so bad."

"You think that because you were passed out wearing weird loli goth stuff most of the time," Chisame snapped. "For someone with Magic-Cancel, you sure get Sleeping Beautied a lot."

"Oh, shut up," Asuna snapped.

Then one of the most disturbing sounds in all creation reached their ears, and they froze.

Evangeline was laughing.

It wasn't a particularly loud laugh. It was a low, quiet one, subdued, subtle, unobtrusive… and the kind that had Setsuna's wings wanting to fly off her back and leave her behind, with her skin following after it, as she looked around in panic for where Tsukuyomi was hiding. There was a cackling quality to it, like her tongue was acting like a valve. Ala Alba sometime heard it in their nightmares. Green Lanternboth of them–sometimes heard it in their nightmares.

Evangeline was laughing, eyes wide, pupils contracted, staring down at her hands. Her fingers were twitching, her shoulders shaking. Chisame and Kuro, wearing the least, shivered from more than the laughing as a cold–actually, a freezing–wind began to blow.

Chachamaru didn't need to blink. After all, blinking was an organic thing. Nevertheless, the look in her eyes changed without moving one iota. "Oh, no…"

Chisame managed to tear her eyes away from Evangeline, who was still laughing, and slowly but surely managing to bore a hole even into Negi's usual shell of cluelessness. "What?" she said, and she was surprised to realize her voice was shaking slightly.

"We are no longer in our Mahora," Chachamaru said. "The Master is no longer within the range of the Thousand Master's curse, or the school's power interdiction field."

Yue and Chisame stared at her in horror. Chamo was only a heartbeat behind, and Setsuna and the others were soon to follow.

Evangeline threw back her head and snapped her laughter into high gear, her voice snapping into full villainous register as her hair began to flail in the rising, icy breeze. "AT LAST! AT LAST!" she cried, her hair streaming like a banner above her. Mist began to congeal from their breaths. The grass beneath her feet began to crackle. "THE POWER OF DARKNESS IS MINE AGAIN! I HOLD WINTER'S HEART IN THE PALM OF MY HAND ONCE MORE! COWER, BRIEF MORTALS! COWER BEFORE THE QUEEN OF AIR AND DARKNESS! COWER BEFORE THE UNDYING, INVINCIBLE DARK MAGI! COWER BEFORE ME, DARK EVANGEL, THE TIDINGS OF DESTRUCTION, ANNIHILATION IN THE FORM OF A CHILD! FINALLY, AFTER 16 FUCKING YEARS, I! AM! FREEEEEEEEEE!-!-!-!-!-!-!-!-!-!-!-!-!-!-!"Another wave of supervillainous laughter echoed through the trees, which were already featuring a not-insignificant coating of frost.

"O-oh, f-fuck," Chisame said. To her credit, not all the chatter was from gut-wrenching, life-flashing-before-her-eyes, pure, unadulterated, blazing gold terror. She could feel her limbs starting to convulse, and wondered how long before she got hypothermia.

Evangeline stopped laughing, but the sound of her glee still echoed through the howling, arctic chill of the woods. Her eyes shone, gold on black, giving poor Setsuna even more Tsukuyomi flashbacks. Her fingernails were long now, claw-like, her high school uniform's skirt blowing upwards and exposing her thong. She turned her gaze towards Negi, a wide slasher-smile setting her face in a disturbing rictus. It was quite a disturbing image.

Some luckless therapist someday would also find it quite disturbing that Negi didn't find it disturbing and felt the best way to describe it was, "I'm glad the Master was happy. She has a nice smile she should use more often."

She turned, flinging her arm out dramatically, her hair flailing and fluttering above her. "KNEEL BEFORE ME! IT'S TIME TO LAY WASTE TO ALL THAT HAST LIFE!"

Chachamaru smiled. It was nice to see the Master happy…

...

Meanwhile, back with Nutmeg-chan, her nice quiet day had just gone down the crapper.

"Unknown magical outburst still rising!" her fellow bridge bunny Yoriko said.

"Temperature dropping rapidly!" her other fellow bridge bunny Nene said

"Magical signature identified!" Nutmeg cried as the complicated spell-grams and electron-spirits finished processing through the memory banks. "We have a match! Nearly perfect corroboration with–" She looked at the name and choked, her eyes bulging.

"Megumi-kun?" Seruhiko, their superior that day, said. "What is it?"

Nutmeg continued to choke, her eyes bulging as the older man began to walk towards her.

"We have visual!" Nene announced. "Bringing it up now!"

She punched it in, and a holographic display dominated the room, an aerial view of a section of woods. The source of the energy was immediately obvious. Many of the trees in shot were all bending away from a central source, where a powerful wind blew. Ice was already covering many trees, and occasional great bursts of black energy suddenly leapt from the center of the maelstrom. Nene adjusted the image, and the display leapt forward, zooming in. Several people were visible in a small clearing, next to a small pile of random things, not far from the exact epicenter of whatever the trees had bent from. In their midst was a small, child-like form, its long blond hair fluttering like a banner in a tornado.

Nene touched the screen one last time, zooming in on the figure, and there were several gasps. Though the others around her were unidentifiable due to the angle of the shot and the fact the wind tugging at their hair and the frost and random darkness kept obscuring their features, the figures at the center of the shot were unmistakable. Even though Mahora had its share of tall girls with long green hair who chose to wear strange ear ornaments (there were actually quite a few; Chachamaru was something of an idol for a certain kind of girl who liked to be nice to people and thought cats were adorable), not many of them were paired up with a little blonde loli with absurdly long hair (only five such pairs exist in the campus, in fact).

Wordlessly, Nutmeg overlaid her own display over the telescopic shot.

Magical Signature match for subject: Evangeline Athanasia Katherine McDowell.

If encountered, please kiss ass good-bye.

They stared at the file. They stared at the remote image of the madly laughing blonde, who was quite clearly using magic.

"Oh, shit," Seruhiko said.

Act 8:

The Yukihiro Manor:

"Kyoto, Ojou-sama?" Fubuki's voice betrayed only a quick pang of concern.

"Indeed," the heiress nodded while walking down the main hall, closely followed by Roberta, who was carrying a mountain of her luggage on her shoulders with no apparent effort. "That was the destination reached by popular consensus, and I agree with it. I've never been to Kyoto before... It could prove being roman— Interesting enough! In the meanwhile, I leave the house under your care for the whole week, Fubuki-san, Okajima-san."

Okajima Rokuro gulped nervously, nodding in a stiff fashion as Siesta looked down with nothing but shame and self-doubt, hanging in the back of the group. Fabiola, on the other hand, gave Okajima a brief but telling smile and a come-hither look. Oh, that'd be an interesting week at the Manor...

Taeko was having conflicted feelings; on one hand, she'd grown to... appreciate Rokuro-san a lot, and she had to admit the whole incident of that day had been... pleasurable, but what would Tina-sempai say if she ever learned about it? No, she'd most likely just cheer up. Tina-sempai was like that. But Hanabishi-sempai? Hanabishi-sempai would be scandalized! Shocked! Outraged! The busty maid's teeth began to chatter as Ayaka reached the manor's gates, entering the limousine's back seat.

Roberta stuffed the entire set of luggage into the trunk as best as she could before addressing her mistress, rather awkwardly, "Ojou-sama? I realize this may sound very abrupt and rude of me, but I have a favor to ask of you..."

Ayaka lifted an eyebrow. "Oh, sure. Anything you want, Roberta-san. What is it?"

She lowered her head humbly. "Might I take one week of vacation while you are away? I realize it's selfish of me, to abandon this house just as you leave it in our hands, but I happen to have... urgent personal matters to attend elsewhere..."

"Is that all?" Ayaka asked. "Sure, why not. You haven't taken any vacations since I was a child! You have more than earned a break. I trust you have no objections either, Fubuki-san?"

"None at all, Ojou-sama!" the lead maid replied.

Ayaka smiled at all of them. "Well, in that case, I'll see you then. Remember, the train will depart this weekend; In the meantime, I'll be making the final preparations with Sakaki-san. You all know our number."

Taeko opened her mouth to reply, but then seemed to remember something. She pulled a piece of paper out of her massive cleavage, checked it out, smiled with satisfaction, and pushed it back into her 'secret compartment'.

The small drop of sweat on everyone's head vanished just as quickly, and Ayaka laughed uneasily. "W-Well, goodbye, everyone!"

"Goodbye, Ojou-sama!" the servants all chorused as Sebastian-sama sighed and began driving away. As soon as the limousine was out of sight, Rokuro exhaled a weary, sad sigh. "We're the worst..."

Fabiola clung to his right arm, flashing a way-too-cute, yet edgy, smile. "There's no harm done to Ojou-sama, and that's the only thing that must concern us, Rock..."

Fubuki gasped, even as she discreetly loosened her collar. "W-Well... If Roberta-san is really going away too, I figure we should... stage a humble farewell celebration for her..."

Roberta's face twitched. "No, it really isn't needed..."

A few long tense moments of utter silence ensued.

"I'll go fill the pool," Taeko finally said.

"I'll call Sebastian-sama and tell him... to go check the summer home or something for the whole day..." Fubuki said reluctantly.

"I'll bring the whipped cream!" Fabiola smiled.

Siesta sobbed. "Saito-kun, please forgive me..."

A few hours later, lying on her stomach next to the pool, with her butt sore, naked and slurring, she still was sobbing. "Please forgive me, 'cause I'm a slut unworthy your love... SAIIITO-KUUUUUUN!"

Prancing around just as naked, drunk as a fish, and without a trace of her habitual propriety, Fubuki swung a bottle of champagne around and laughed. "Awsh, quit yer mopin', kid! Just bring 'im over tomorrow and show 'im what he's missin'! The week's still young!"

Taeko, who had quite a freaking lot of tolerance for alcohol, seemed mostly sober as she spoke, "Ano... But we can't keep on doing this all week! What will Sebastian-sama say?"

"Don't worry 'bout that old crab!" Fubuki snorted. "Hell, if needed, we'll do the sacrifice an' drag 'im in, too! They says older men have experience on their side, after all..." She smiled dumbly. "FABIOLA! GO OUT AND BUY US SOME OF THEM VIAGRA!" She burped loudly and fell on her back laughing like crazy.

Fabiola snorted back, snuggling to one side of Rock, who was still far out of himself and broken, with Roberta expressionlessly lying on his other side."Go an' buy it yerself. Bitch." Her right hand passed over Rock's bare scrawny chest and reached over to play with Roberta's loose black hair. "By the way, Roberta-sempai, where you going to go on your vacation...?"

"Kyoto," the much taller maid droned.

"Ah," they all said. For some reason, none of them seemed surprised.

Finally, Siesta began to bawl again. "Saito-kuuuuuun, you don't deserve this betrayaaaaaal! You're so kind and honest and pure and sincere and—!"

Fubuki threw herself on her. "You can call me 'Saito' if it makes ya feel better."

The younger woman blinked in hesitation. "Really?"

"Really..."

"Oh, oh, oh, Saito!"

Interlude: Chao and Natsuki.

Kuga Natsuki was waiting for Chao, standing behind the restaurant, her arms insolently crossed, her back leaning against the wall.

"I got your call," the older girl said impassively. "What do you want now?"

"Are you going on your class' trip?" Chao asked, her whisper devoid of any of her usual playfulness.

"I never go on those," the biker grunted, not bothering to keep her voice low. "Why? Do you have something for me?"

"I'd like you to back me up in Kyoto."

Kuga frowned, then lowered her voice as well. "Are you planning to make your first move there?"

"No. But I'm sure others will."

"How can you be so sure?"

"Let's just say I've just had an ill omen. Maybe I'll need all the help I can get. You in?"

Natsuki arched an eyebrow. "What's with that style of talking? It's very unlike you."

"Will you do it, yes or no?"

"I have no interest in Kyoto," the biker spat. "All my clues point to this particular area."

"I'll triple your pay."

"It's not about money, and you know it. I can't waste my time babysitting your classmates there while there's so much ground to be researched here."

Chao sighed, tapping with two fingers on her own forehead. "Your research isn't taking you anywhere, Nat-chan. You're only running in circles. Trust me. I can take you to a faster conclusion if you only listen to me..."

"Look, Lingshen. I'll take your petty jobs. I'll look after your boy every once in a while. But that doesn't mean I'm your obedient lapdog. You're still a magic user, and that means I won't trust you as far as I can thr—"

Chao's next words cut through like a knife. "I'll take you to the Kyoto branch of the First District. They might know something."

Natsuki stopped talking, stunned.

"I mean it," Chao declared very seriously.

"Why didn't you tell me about that before?" Kuga could finally snarl.

A simple, new and smug smirk. "You said it yourself. I'm a magic user-ne? I can't be trusted to lay everything down for you, as long as I can have any leverage on you I can use for my own profit-yo!"

"You witch..."

"But at least, I'm an honest one. And think of it this way; Fujino-sempai was born at Kyoto, too. You'll get a good view of her hometown; that'll help you a lot when you finally decide to date her!"

"You're talking like yourself again. Sort of," Natsuki pondered with an icy scoff. "Very well. This weekend, right?"

"Try not to be seen. Take the same train, but the car that's furthest from ours".

"If it means not seeing your face during the whole trip, I'll do it."

She giggled. "Oh, Nat-chan, always such a meanie...!"

...

Act 9:

Itoshiki Nozomu was, for once, enjoying the peace and quiet of a day at home far, far from his students. With the term over, and until it was time for the class trip, he still had time to indulge in his favorite hobbies.

The small white furred rabbit sitting at one corner of his kitchen looked up at him helplessly as the tall lanky man climbed up on a chair, then tested the strength of his newest hangman's noose with his hands. Only then did he give the bunny a calm, absolutely normal glare. "Ready now, Mesousa-san?"

"Ahhh, yes, Master..." The small hapless Familiar dragged himself to the chair's legs, looking up at his long-time owner. "So, while you are hanging, I jump up and grab your legs, then pull down as strongly as I can, is that the plan?" he asked, wanting to be sure.

"Indeed," the mage nodded. "I trust you're up to the task. You don't need to worry about your future; I've left specific instructions for your living arrangements with my nephew Majiru."

The bunny shook his head, letting out a languid lament. "Oh, my misfortune...! I've never been fond of children! They tug on my ears, pull on my tail, and pinch me while asking for Easter eggs!"

"Mesousa-san!" the teacher protested. "Children of the Itoshiki family are much better than that! When did I submit you to that kind of lowly humiliations?"

The bunny gave him a jaded, yet infinitely sad, look. "You mean you don't remember?"

"Remember what?"

He lifted a paw up, showing a few old scars under an armpit. "You did this the time you wanted to kill yourself while pulling me with you into a giant paper shredder on your class trip to the newspaper factory!"

"I did?-!"

"And this mark at my left butt-cheek? From when we wanted to kill ourselves by throwing ourselves to the mutts at the local dog pound!"

"I thought I was alone that time..."

"I don't blame you, since I'm so easily forgettable," the just-as-depressed-as-him Familiar whined. "But if you're really going to do it this time, couldn't you at least show me the love you had for me back then, and take me with you?"

"That's impossible, I'm sorry. Both of our necks won't fit into the same noose," the man explained.

"Are you sure? I'm a very small creature, after all..."

"Even if you could fit in, who will act as a weight on our legs to drag us down?"

"Would I serve much of a purpose there? Like I said, I'm very small, and also lightweight..."

Itoshiki sighed. "You're right. We need a bigger animal for that."

Mesousa held up a newspaper. "There's an offer on pet ostriches at Count D's shop. I figure one or two of those could do the trick..."

They sat down together to examine the offers, but just when they were about to start, their phone rang.

"Hello?" Itoshiki answered. "Oh. Good morning, Gandolfini-sensei. No, I'm not trying to kill myself again. Yes, I'm taking my medication. Yes, Mesousa-san's okay, thanks for asking. Evangeline-san, huh? No, it's fine. I'll be there right now. Can you place me on the front lines this time? I'd be thankful. Yes. No. Yes, I'll waste no time."

He cut the call short and stood up with a sigh.

"Seems like Evangeline-san has broken her curse and stands to bring a new dark age of misery and death to the world again," he informed his Familiar. "The faculty wants me there to reinforce the no-doubt doomed ranks of those damned to fall under her thrall or lose their lives. Dear God, I hope for the latter."

"Can... Can I go?" Mesousa hopefully bounced in place.

"Uhhh... Sure. I haven't introduced you to Negi-sensei yet, have I?"

"You hadn't even told me about anyone with that name..."

"Oh, well, I suppose I can explain it on our way there..."

...

The phone's ringing sounded through the small apartment, again and again, until it finally managed to make the young red haired woman with the long loose mane to step out of the shower, carelessly wrapping a towel around her buxom body.

"Coming, coming!" she said, as a green parakeet flew from a perch in the living room and landing on her right shoulder. She picked the phone up. "Hello, hello? Sugiura Midori, seventeen years old, here."

The voice at the other end of the line sighed, no doubt wondering why she kept on bothering with the 'seventeen years old' crap after all this time. "Sugiura-sensei, it's me, Shakti. We have a Code 102078."

"What's that one?" she asked. "Ah, Eva cutting loose, right? What a bother. You sure it's not a mistake? That was supposed to be impossible..."

"We have full confirmation. They're sending a first-strike team to deal with it, and they want you there," the voice told her.

"Roger," the redhead nodded, reaching into a nearby drawer and pulling out a Pactio Card with her image on it. "Ah, if only the Professor could be here..." she sighed lovingly before adding, "Well, on my way! You got the coordinates? Huh-huh. Alright. I'll be there in a sec. Bye." She put the phone down.

Calmly, she dropped the towel and began to walk towards the front door, lifting the card up slowly.

And she sang in a low, unfazed tone.

"At the sea where no one else is, I wanted to make certain of your love. I slipped in your arms, running through the radiant waters, until we could no longer breathe. Hurry and embrace me tightly. My beloved one."

She grabbed the door's handle and finally held the card up before her face, casually saying, "Adeat".

...

The Headmaster looked up gratefully from his losing game of Go to pick up the phone. "Moshi-moshi?" he said, taking the excuse to give himself some time to think. He listened. He blinked. "I… see. Well…"

He covered the receiver, turning towards his opponent. "It's Seruhiko. He's saying you managed to break the curse and are gathering power at the woods."

Evangeline raised an eyebrow. "That's news to me."

...

Act 10:

"Negi-sensei?" Professor Hanyuu Mimi peeked her head into the office. "You're needed elsewhere. Fujimura-sensei will continue handling your interviews."

"Ah? Is it really—" he began.

"Orders from the Dean himself," the blond woman said, sternly.

The boy teacher gulped. "I'll be there right now." He stood up, bowing to Sora and Keiichi. "My most sincere apologies. We'll have to continue this conversation later."

Sora nodded, seeming mildly impressed, mildly concerned. "Ahhhh, sure we will. Please tell Chisame I'll try to visit you tomorrow..."

"I will. Take care of yourselves, please," the child bowed again while following Mimi-sensei outside. "Good afternoon, Tiger-sen— FUJIMURA-SENSEI!" he quickly corrected himself when the short-haired woman with the striped dress walking in to replace him shot him the most ferocious of all glares.

Taiga-sensei grumbled while sitting behind Negi's desk. "That little airhead. Good thing for him he's so pitifully cute, because otherwise..." she muttered, tightening a fist before giving the two college students a blank stare. "Now then, who are you supposed to be?"

"What's the situation?" Negi whispered while following Mimi-sensei down a corridor leading to the magic-savvy teachers' meeting room.

"Well, Tiger will probably try to kill you next time she sees you, and—"

"I mean the situation they called me for," Negi said.

"Ah, the lesser danger for you," Hanyuu snarked. "It's your troublesome student, Evangeline-chan. We just got reports she's been sighted displaying her full, unbound power, despite it being technically impossible. Naturally, everyone's pants are wet now. You've been chosen to join an advance team to try and negotiate with her. After all, she hasn't killed you yet, so she might have a soft spot of sorts for you."

Negi made a childish scowl. "Evangeline-san isn't as bad a person as everyone thinks..."

The older teacher rolled her eyes. "Darling, you still have so much to learn..."

"I mean it! She has many good points, like, ahh—"

"... Yes...?"

"She's got... errrr... a good sense of... and a noble... She's generally polite!" he finished.

"She barely talks to anyone."

"She knows the true worth of words, and doesn't waste them," Negi postulated.

"When she talks, she talks down to everyone!"

"She's only a bit... defensive. I'm sure it's just a stage..."

"A stage? She's over seven hundred years old!" she hissed.

Negi fell silent for a few moments before shyly offering, "She has good taste in tea?"

Mimi facepalmed. "At moments like this, I'm SO glad I'm not a field agent..."

"Huh?"

"... Because frankly, the very idea of relying on you to watch my back terrifies me..."

He shrunk down. "Sorry..."

It was such a cute depressed pose it immediately made her feel bad about it. "Ah, forget it," the bespectacled blonde sighed. "You can watch my back whenever you want."

"Thanks."

"If you survive this, as a matter of fact, I... I could invite you over to the public pool this weekend, right before the trip," she rasped uneasily. "You could watch my back... even there..."

"Ah?"

She tapped her fingers together, looking aside with awkwardness. "... Never mind. F-Forget I mentioned anything about my new thong..."

"What's that?"

"Drat, I *hadn't* said yet, had I?-! W-Well, like I *did* say, just forget it!"

"But I don't even underst—"

"GOOD! THEN FORGET IT EVEN MORE!"

He nodded, very intimidated, and kept on walking after her, as her high heels clacked and clacked on the shiny floor.

"... You know, this is a really long corridor..." he lampshaded innocently.

"Tell me about it. How do you think I stay in shape? I have to walk all across it every day. EVERY FREAKING DAY!"

Act 11:

Chisame was making lunch while Hakase sat typing madly at her computer, no doubt running some sort of impossibly complex program to design yet another new abomination against nature. Or maybe just e-mailing Sakurako. Some of the more conservative groups of people (read: bigots) probably considered it the same thing. Chisame tried to tell herself she didn't care either way.

Hasegawa's cellphone rang, prompting her to pick it up. "Yes, hello? Ah, it's you, Sora."

"Hello, Chisame," her sister spoke warmly. "Are you okay? We've just arrived from Nekomi, and we talked with Negi-sensei..."

"We?" Chisame asked as she pulled the meal out of the microwave.

"Ahhh... Y-Yes. Morisato-sempai and me. You'll see, he... offered to come with me, since..." her voice stuttered nervously, "W-we have... things to attend to here together..."

At that moment, Chisame's Pactio card sent a slight buzzing into her brain, making her groan. "Excuse me a moment, okay, Sora? I've got... a call on another line." She pulled the Card out and pressed it against her forehead. "Yeah, who's there?"

Chisame-san, Negi's voice told her. I'm afraid I'll be late for lunch. I'll be... busy with the rest of the staff.

Chisame scowled. "That tone in your voice again. What's the horrible problem this time?"

It's... It's nothing, really! But... I'd advise you and Satomi-san to stay indoors until I call you back, okay?

"What are you— Wait. I have Sora on the phone, too." She resumed the conversation with her sister. "Yeah, you were saying?"

"Um, well, forgive me, because I won't be able to visit you today," Sora apologized sheepishly. "This lady, Fujimura-sensi, told me a big storm curfew was going to be declared, so student dorms are off-limits until tomorrow. But I'll try to make up for it then. I brought you and your roommates some cake I made. I'm improving, you know..."

Chisame's danger sense blared. Sora's cooking was even worse than Hakase's.

"W-Well, that's... very nice of you... One second, please." She touched the Pactio Card again. "Well, brat? You were saying...?"

It's... It's nothing, I told you! Evangeline-san is only... blowing off some steam, so to speak... But I'll be okay! I'm with Takamichi and Misora-san, and Cocone-chan, and Sister Shakti, and Itoshiki-sensei, and Sugiura-sensei, and—

Chisame grumbled. "Okay, I got it. Just make sure, if things go south, use Despair-sensei as a human shield and get the hell outta there, okay? Call us, and we'll be ready to help you. I'll tell Kagurazaka, Kakizaki and Shiina to be on the lookout."

Thanks a lot, Chisame-san...

"Yeah, yeah, sure. Hold on, I'm still with Sora." She changed back to the cellphone. "Uh-huh, Sora, had something else to say?"

"Chisame, you were saying something about a human shield?" the college student worried.

"Never mind. It's only... current fad lingo all of us use nowadays. Really. Then, where will you be staying?"

"Oh, Morisato-sempai and me already reserved a hotel room— mean, two hotel rooms! Separate! P-Plural! Not like we're in a relationship or anything! No matter how much Chihiro-sempai, Tamiya-sempai and Ootaki-sempai try to bring us together!"

Chisame's mouth went aside in an awkward grimace. "Okaaaay..."

"A-And if we were, I'd tell you the moment I considered you were ready for it!"

"Really, I don't mind one way or another..."

"Y-You don't?" Sora seemed to make a few soft sobbing noises. "Well, I know you don't have to care about a sister as bad as me, but—"

"That's not what I mean! What I mean is I'm okay with anything that makes you happy!" Chisame almost yelled.

"... You would? Thank you, Chiu-chan... I'm so moved...!"

"Don't call me Chiu-chan, dammit! And remember to use protection!"

Somewhere in Mundus Magicus, Belldandy shuddered on the cross she was nailed to.

"I-I-I'M NOT— WE AREN'T DOING THAT YET!" Sora's voice sounded as strangled as it could while remaining intelligible.

"I believe you. Just making sure," Chisame replied. "Yeah, yeah, love you too. See you tomorrow. Bye." She resumed her conversation with Negi. "Please take good care of yourself, okay?"

I will! he promised vigorously.

By the way, did I hear correctly? Misora's voice joined the talk. Your sister's staying at a hotel with a man?

"NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS!" Chisame roared at her. "DO SOMETHING RIGHT FOR ONCE AND PAINT A TARGET ON YOUR NECK FOR EVA, WILL YOU?"

Negi tried to laugh it off. 'I'll be back as soon as I can, Chisame-san...

That promise seemed to smooth her back. "Don't play the big damn hero, please. Let the adults do their thing, and don't take any risks, you hear me? Or I'll get very angry at you."

I swear it.

"Good luck there, then." Chisame sighed while putting the card down. Why did her heart ache so much now? He was surrounded by able people, much more useful in a fight that she would be, and by now she was reasonably sure Eva wouldn't actually kill him. Then why couldn't she stop wishing she could be there, at his side?

She was such an idiot.

Hakase was standing right behind her now. "Forgive this unpleasant and indiscreet question, but I couldn't help overhearing... Why would your sister need 'protection'?"

Chisame's teeth screeched. "Could you go back to being oblivious to matters of real life, please?"

Act 12:

Negi clutched as his staff, gulping and trying to look confident and competent as he stood with the other teachers. Given how he was standing next to Itoshiki, this was kinda problematic. Despite how depressive and suicidal the other man was, he was actually quite capable of giving the impression he had it all together, as long as one didn't listen to what he was saying.

"And remember, everyone is free to use me as a human shield," Nozomu said as he practiced 'carelessly dropping' his ruler. "Don't worry, my will excuses anyone from who helps me die from any criminal charges."

"Itoshiki, please don't traumatize Springfield-san like that," Sister Shakti said, checking her crosses.

Negi blinked. "He's not traumatizing me, Sister Shakti," he said, thereby making said sister wonder exactly what was going on in the boy's head. "But, Itoshiki-san, why do you have a rabbit on your head?"

"Ah, Negi-kun, I would like to introduce you to my familiar," Itoshiki said. "This is Mesousa-san."

The rabbit waved a paw. "Good afternoon. I'm not carrying any Easter eggs."

"Ah… I see. Pleased to meet you too…" Negi nodded and turned to Misora, who was huddled in a corner. "Misora-san, are you all right?"

"Idon'twanttodie, Idon'twanttodie, Idon'twanttodie…!" Misora kept on burbling, clutching Cocone like a lifeline. "THIS IS EVANGELINE! SHE'LL KILL US ALL!"

Negi knelt next to her, whispering to try and keep that not-all-that-disapproving Sister Shakti from hearing. "Misora, it's all right!" he hissed. "We've beaten her before, and we can do it again! And now we have the teachers with us, so it won't be as hard as last time."

Misora turned wide, terror-filled eyes towards him. "But, but, but, but… I won't be able to use my Pactio! Sister Shakti doesn't know about it yet!"

"Then you and Cocone-chan stay close to me," Negi said, smiling reassuringly even though his stomach felt full of lead. "I'll protect you."

Slowly, Misora's face morphed into a watery smile. "Promise?"

He nodded. "Promise."

Cocone turned to Misora. "Misora, can you stop grinding against me now?" Not that she minded, but still, Sister Shakti was watching, and her ass was starting to hurt…

Negi and Misora both jerked in surprise as Sister Shakti's hand came down on the young boy's shoulder. "Negi-kun, Misora-kun, Cocone-kun," she said, in the gentlest voice Misora had ever heard the older woman direct at her. "It's time."

Gulping, the three moved to follow her.

The group stood outside the woods, not far from where the maelstrom of air was still happening. Even from there, the air was chill, and they could hear glass-like crackling; frozen leaves breaking in the wind.

There were a few teachers there that Negi didn't really know, though they'd talked and met at the faculty office. Seruhiko-sensei stood there, looking worried, clutching his own slender metal wand. A blonde woman holding a sword had been introduced to him as Kuzunoha Touko, in charge of the operations division. A portly man named Nijuuin Mitsuru, who was looking a bit nervous and kind of reminded Negi of Satsuki. A dark-skinned man introduced simply as 'Gandolfini'. He was disappointed that Takamichi wasn't there, but apparently the other man had been sent out soon after he arrived on some business and other, and wasn't likely to arrive back until later that afternoon, perhaps even that evening. There was also a red-haired woman who Negi didn't know, but had been introduced as Sugiura Midori.

"All right," Seruhiko said. "Most of you have read the file on Evangeline. She's tough, intelligent, deadly, and at her most powerful for the first time in years. As the first line, our objective is to attempt to reason with her and, if that doesn't work out, attempt to draw her away from the campus and civilians. We'll need to buy time for the others to initiate some kind of slow evacuation and either reapply the curse or find some other approach."

Nuclear strike, Gandolfini thought darkly.

Getting that Superman fellow to drop a meteor on her, Mitsuru thought.

If I'm lucky, Evangeline will spear me through laterally, taking out my head, heart and spine at the same time, this properly killing me, Nozomu thought.

I'll probably have to give Evangeline detention for this,Negi thought.

Seruhiko continued speaking. "Negi-kun, Misora-kun, Cocone-kun, you three stay back and act as fire support. We'll try to keep her from you while you unload every spell you have. Standard staff and shield attack configuration, simple and effective, the way mages have been doing it for centuries. Touko, you're on point. I'll back you up with direct support spells. Gandolfini, Shakti, stay back and try to take down Chachamaru. Sugiura, your Child is the best countermeasure we have for Karakuri's weaponry, so you should try to use it to block her fire, assisting Gandolfini and Shakti. Mitsuru, you are to provide containment and deal with others that were detected close to Evangeline. Most likely enthralled students she somehow used to break the curse. They'll be under her control, but you should be able to deal with them. Itoshiki…" he paused to consider. "Assist him, and try not to die too untimely."

"I make no promises," Nozomu said.

"Any questions?" Seruhiko asked.

"We're all going to die, aren't we?" Misora said.

"That's the spirit," Nozomu said encouragingly.

The two cringed back as Shakti glared at them.

"Let's move," Touko said, and they all began to move into the woods…

...

Yue had armored up. The black-painted Ariadne Valkyrie armor was protecting her from the aura of cold Evangeline was giving out. The Vampire didn't seem aware of it, too caught up in the glee of actually being at full power again. Behind her, Nodoka and Haruna had also transformed to give themselves an additional layer of clothes, and the mangaka had drawn them some fur coats to keep them warm. Everyone else had also transformed. Even Negi had put his mask back on, if only to cut the cold against his face. Kuro was the only exception, since her combat outfit was even more revealing than the miniskirt and sweater she was currently wearing.

"Master, maybe you should calm down?" Chachamaru said as Mint and Chitose did their best to protect Chisame from the cold. "We are drawing attention."

"LET THEM COME!" Evangeline cried, on a roll. Her cape of bats formed on her back, flapping dramatically. "I AM DARKNESS MADE FLESH! I AM POWER INCARNATE! I AM THE DARK EVANGEL! THERE IS NO ONE I CANNOT DESTROY!"

"Stealing people's catchphrases now?" Chisame said.

"How'd you get cursed again?" Asuna snapped.

Her eyes went wide as a huge ball of ice was flung at her, and she swung Ensis Exorcizans, which she'd been using as a crutch, cleaving the ball in two. They didn't dissolve as was usual for such matter attacks: Evangeline always went the extra mile in her attacks, forming them out of actual ice congealed out of the air instead of keeping them fully magic constructs like Fate did. It was a subtle mark of her power, to actually form substance rather than just summoning it. "Hey! that was uncalled for, Eva-chan!"

"Know your place, girl!" Evangeline cried.

Asuna snorted. "I'm a princess with Magical Cancel.I damn well know what my place is."

Setsuna's head suddenly jerked up. "We have company."

A blonde blur leapt from the trees, sword out and swinging for Eva's head. There was a muffled cry of "What happened to talking?" that was quickly lost as the woman was suddenly intercepted by a masked meido with her own ridiculously long sword.

And just like that, they were in a fight.

Several forms leapt forward behind the swordswoman AngelGARd was clashing with, recognizable as Mahora faculty. The one closest behind the woman– Touko-sensei, Yue could see now– was Seruhiko, already casting a boosting spell to enhance the older swordswoman. Gandolfini was circling around, his guns out and seeking Chachamaru, sister Shakti circling the other way. They fired, both enchanted bullets streaking at supersonic speed towards the gynoid. Two other mages, the fat Mutsuru-sensei and a tall, thin man they didn't recognize wielding a ruler lagged behind, obviously setting up some kind of spell. Behind them came a cry of Saggita Magica, and several arrow spells streaked overhead, aiming for Evangeline.

Kuro moved, managing to move herself in front of Chachamaru, one hand rising to Trace Rho Aias again to intercept the enspelled bullets as light flashed around her, her clothes changing to her red and black combat gear. Both detonated, one turning into a complicated capture and bind spell, the other letting lose a huge burst of electrical energy. There were four more such shots before Gandoflini changed tactics, one hand darting into his coat to exchange it for a knife. Kuro grinned. "Trace, ON!" she cried, meeting him blade for blade. The man stared in surprise, and Kuro managed to grab his lapel, throwing him at Sister Shakti, who barely managed to catch him. Blades in hand, she pursued.

Asuna dashed at Seruhiko, her enormous sword sweeping upward and ruthlessly canceling his next wave of spells, the man darted back, wand spinning as he used his own boosting spells on himself. Arrow spells leaping at Asuna, who negated them with negligent ease. Crap, they're more than enthralled! he telepathically transmitted. Mitsuru! Itoshiki! Can you bind them all?

The depressive teacher was about to respond, but whatever he was going to say came out gnrogognoagbiwbfiwbf!-!-! as the one in the apron and fur coat sent a giant octopus at him. "NO!" he cried. "Not tentacles!"

His rabbit blinked from where it was sitting on his head. "Wow. That's new."

"Foolish infidels!" the lunatic cried, a quill in one hand, a book in the other. "Submit! You're too weak to beat me!"

Nozomu was normally quite willing to submit, but those were under usual circumstances. This was not usual, and after all that business with the Bible Black incident a few years ago… "Never, foul demon!" he cried. "You shall not drive your beasts' phallic appendages into the place of eternal darkness! Have at thee! Burebureburebure…"

DarkMagic leapt from his ruler, tearing the thing's tentacles. The summoner stumbled back.

Mitsuru sweatdropped. "Wow… I thought you volunteered to experience fatal bodily harm, Nozomu-kun?"

"Bodily harm, yes," the depressive said. "My ass, however, is off-limits."

He brandished his ruler dramatically, ignoring all the Hilarity Ensuing around him. It would have been more impressive if he didn't have a rabbit on his head and one hand over his ass. "Beware, young summoner of the demonic, that you face a master of Dark Magic! I warn you, Evangeline herself couldn't kill me!"

The unholy woman grinned, and touched quill to book. Immediately, the enormous octopus thing's tentacles grew spikes, bulges, became thicker and stony, thinner and needle-like. There were ones topped with chainsaws, buzz saws and what appeared to be a jackhammer with a dildo attachment. "Well, Eva-chan is nice," she cooed. "I'm not."

"YOU SHALL NOT TAKE MY VIRTUE!" Itoshiki cried as Dark Magic clashed with a monstrosity right out of a really sick Saotome Haruna manga.

Evangeline casually blocked the arrow spells being sent her way, looking amused that someone would actually try to use such a basic spell on her. Honestly, it made her so nostalgic, remembering that time she'd gotten bored and decided to mess with Boya. In fact…

A cry of "Jovis Tempestas Fulguriens" resounded, and the spiraling blast of the spell slammed into her next half-hearted shield, stopping it cold. Her eyes narrowed, and she focused her gaze into the shrouded woods, looking for the source of the attacks…

She raised an eyebrow. "Well, well…" she said in amusement as a second such spell struck her shield. "All things old are new again…"

"Master?" Chachamaru said, looking between all the fighting going on, but not moving from her spot, Evangeline's restraining hand on her shoulder keeping her in place.

"Don't interfere, Chachamaru," Evangeline said languidly. "This looks to be getting interesting. Pour me some tea…"

As Chachamaru tranquilly pulled out a thermos and started heating its contents with her laser eyes, Chisame and Konoka stood behind her robot maids, keeping out of the fight. The latter was gasping and chewing her fingernails (metaphorically speaking) over Setsuna, who was furiously matching blades with the blonde woman. Chisame was grumbling, looking between the various groups and pointing at various people, as if trying to make sense of where they lay in an internal diagram.

Right then, Chachamaru's sensors sent a buzzing alarm through her nervous system. She barely moved aside in time as a giant bladed weapon cut through thin air where she had been moments before, missing her right arm by inches.

The gigantic bladed weapon, a colossal labrys, curved in midair, then returned to the hands of the red-haired woman who had thrown it. She had started to sing aloud without any fear at all, in a clear and strong voice.

"Who are those little girls in pain. Just trapped in a castle of the dark side of moon. Twelve of them shining bright in vain. Like flowers that blossom just once in the year."

Chachamaru flew a few feet back, re-assuming a battle stance. Out of all the opponents at the battlefield, she lacked files on that woman and the pale scrawny man currently fighting Haruna.

Still, the readings she was getting from the woman's weapon pointed at it being an Artifact of sorts. If she was a Ministra Magi, and she was limited to that kind of apparently attack-only Artifact, then she should be just as vulnerable as any human being once the weapon itself was dealt with. Nothing in her stance seemed to indicate any sort of martial arts training, either. Still, the confident way she stood while facing her gave Chachamaru pause, recent experience making her consider other possibilities. She even kept on singing while lunging ahead, and the labrys' strike proved being powerful enough for Chachamaru to have serious problems blocking it. Metahuman? Gatekeeper? Ayakashi? Puella Magi? Nasurian?

"They're dancing in the shadows like whispers of love. Just dreaming a place where they are free as a dove. They've never been allowed to love in this cursed cage. It's only the fairy tale they believe."

The woman smirked in a somewhat unnerving way, her white teeth sparkling at the sunlight (TING!). Chachamaru only pushed the labrys down, pinning it against the ground, although the woman still refused to let its handle go. "Please cease and desist. I have no desire to hurt you."

Again, she only sang. A relative of Tomoyo's or Tsukuyomi's, perhaps? A Gotham resident?

"They're dancing in the shadows like whispers of love. Just dreaming a place where they are free as a dove. They've never been allowed to love in this cursed cage."

And then she lifted her head up, and called out in a single confident word, "GAKUTENOU!"

The ground right under Chachamaru quaked and rumbled, and in a single moment, before she even could jump aside or fly up, it exploded below her feet, sending her flying against a tree's trunk. The gynoid looked up to stare at the towering, monstrous creature erupting from the ground's depths, attempting to locate her files on a similar sort of beast, and failing. A small subroutine quietly inserted the tag 'combat summoner' to the file.

The red-haired woman smiled again. "This is my Child. And you'd better give up right now, honey."

At which point, Chachamaru thought, Screw it (except in a much nicer way, since she was Chachamaru), converted her arm to plasma cannon mode and made like the Green Devil. "Maximum Power," she said calmly. "Fire."

It was no Divine Buster, much less Starlight breaker, but from point-blank range, you really couldn't tell the difference. The creature was sent flying.

"Target, befriended," Chachmaru said as she rose to continue the battle.

Negi had dashed at Mitsuru-sensei, hoping to take him down quickly, but the portly man was surprisingly agile. On any other opponent, he'd have unleashed force by now, but here he hesitated. He found himself strangely reluctant to hit the other man with what he'd have used with, say, Fate or Rakan, mainly because despite working at the same school, he didn't really know that man all that well, and that included his magical capabilities. He was hesitant to deploy his usual spells without knowing the extent of the other man's defensive spells. Recent training with Hayate and her fire control had drilled the lesson into him that it was best to never overestimate whether someone could survive a spell. A near miss with a Hraesvlgr had nearly caused the Wolkenritter and Ala Alba to come to blows.

Besides, the man had a kid. No way was Negi risking his life.

He'd attacked with physical blows, which were still not inconsiderable, meeting the other man's passive protection aura. He'd extrapolated the force he'd need, but wasn't too surprised to find it had managed to absorb his blow. The next three tentative punches were stronger, at which point he was forcibly reminded that just because the people working in Mahora weren't world famous or part of a popular group didn't mean they were pushovers when one of the fastest-incanted spells he'd ever seen slammed into his chest a point-blank range. He grunted, flung back, but not really hurt, and that was when at least three levels of binding spells slapped into him.

He slammed into the ground in surprise. These binds weren't the bland, low-level restrains the Ariadne knights shot from their blades, but highly complicated, intricately knotted arrays. It was like comparing your shoelaces to the Gordian knot. His respect for Mitsuru-sensei rose, and he made a note to talk to the man if when they got back home and sorted this out. He'd have been more impressed if he wasn't currently inside them. He quickly concentrated, and could feel the heat on the backs of his hands as the markings of Magia Erebea manifested themselves. He formed a basic bind-neutralizer, overpowered it, and slammed it into the first bind. It stretched but held, until he slammed it with a second one. The first bind broke, but he was barely started on the second when several Magic Archer's slammed into him. He was sent tumbling back even as he managed to break the second bind, which freed his legs. He awkwardly kicked off, avoiding another set of binds as he worked on the last…

The wind was knocked out of him as the hidden cluster of Magic Archer spells on the third bind burst like an air bomb, throwing him aside. It didn't hurt, in the way that would have sent his HP plummeting, but it was a nasty surprise, and disoriented him. More Arrows pummeled him, combinations of Light and Air, but configured far differently than any he'd ever seen. The light arrows blinded him more than hurt, but the air arrows caused air-pressure differentials and sudden explosions of sound that played hell with his eardrums.

Yue and Nodoka charged at the group sending out covering fire, the dark-armored girl using her Souken to block or sometimes even shoot down the spells flying at them. After they'd realized it wasn't really affecting Evangeline, they'd split their targets, sending spells at the fighting members of Ala Alba. Asuna had nearly been tagged, and Setsuna had been distracted at a near-fatal moment that she'd only escaped by a feat of gymnastic athleticism that had Konoka's eyes going wide and Chisame handing her something to wipe the drool from her mouth.

They burst through a basic illusion– more a bending of light to reduce visibility than actual falsehood– and suddenly there they were. Both Yue and Nodoka stumbled to a halt, staring at a frightened but determined looking younger version of Negi-sensei, clutching his staff in slightly trembling hands and standing between them and a terrified looking Misora in her nun clothes and a slightly-concerned Cocone. The two groups hesitated, staring at each other. Unconsciously, Yue extended a hand.

Unfortunately, it was the one she was using to hold a weapon.

The look in the younger Negi's eyes changed. "I won't let you hurt my students!" he cried, lightning gathering at the end of his staff. "Unus fulgor concidens noctem, in mea manu ens inimicum edat. Fulguratio Abicans!"

Nodoka spun before the words were out of her mouth, kicking Yue in her armored side to push her away as she used the kick to throw herself to the side. The lightning spell flew harmlessly through the space they'd been standing, and Yue struggled not to fall over. Light as her armor was, it was still a bitch to try and stand up in.

Psycho Purple landed lightly, rolling with the fall as they'd been taught in librarian training and further hammered in during their self-defense sessions at the resort. She was on her feet in an instant, one hand clutching a rock, head tilted in that way that said she was listening to her Auris Recitans. The stone flew with unerring accuracy, slamming into and prematurely detonating the objects Cocone threw at her.

Misora stared in wide-eyed panic, one hand clutching a Pactio Card. "Screw this," she said. "Adeat!"

Her clothes changed, dissolving and leaving behind her nude body, only to reform once more. The only appreciable difference seemed to be the shoes she was wearing. She blurred in a sudden burst of inhuman speed that Nodoka had never seen their worlds Misora perform, one hand out to grab her.

Words spoke in her ears, and Nodoka performed a circular blocking gesture with her right hand, deflecting the surprised Misora's grab. She clutched the nun's wrist, pushing her shoulder down and catching the still speeding girl. There was a pained exhalation of breath, and suddenly Misora was flipping up and over Nodoka, slamming into the ground as all her speed was turned against her.

"S-sorry!" Nodoka cried. Then her eyes widened, and without turning around, she leapt to the side, in time to avoid Cocone's follow up attack. The dark-skinned girl's eyes widened slightly in surprise, and she ducked as Nodoka swung a half-hearted but form-perfect kick at her, the height difference aiding the evasion. The little girl attacked again, and again Nodoka evaded, then sidestepped sideways and held out a foot. Misora tripped on the out-thrusting appendage and with a cry slammed head first into Cocone, the two rolling comically on the ground until they struck a tree.

"Mommy…"Misora burbled. "I wanna go home…"

"S-sorry!"

Act 13:

"Weird. I don't get why they told us to stay inside all of a sudden," Yuuna grumbled, leaning against the window's frame with a frustrated, bored expression. "The way Shizuna-sensei looked, it was as if hell itself was riding its way here."

"Don't say things like that!" Ako complained. The four of them were in Ako and Akira's room, sharing a package of cookies and Ako's tea, after having their latest impromptu volleyball game interrupted by an abrupt curfew order. "I'm sure it's just an incoming storm. You felt that icy wind coming from the north, too..."

Yuuna frowned as she failed to make a call. Again. "Dad's number's still busy. He could tell us what's going on, but..."

Makie shrugged, her munching mouth still full before washing the mouthful down with a long gulp of tea. "Well, nothing we can do about it anyway, right? Let's just relax and try to have fun as best as we can..."

Even so, Yuuna still groaned. "I'm not an indoors person..."

"I... I agree with Makie," Akira's voice betrayed some uneasy stiffness even as she attempted to sit back and chill. "Do you want to watch some TV?"

"Not in the mood," Yuuna sulked grumpily.

Makie fell on her back into the lower bunk, trying to make snow angels on the bedsheets. "Yuuna-chan, can you call Iincho and tell her I'll have to stay over for the night?" she asked. "She gets very worried when I'm out past bedtime..."

"On it." The Akashi girl dialed Ayaka's number while Ako brought more snacks and drink. "Hello, Iincho? Yuuna here. Yep, I'm with Makie-chan. Yeah, it happened to you too, huh? We're okay, sure. Uh-huh. Well, we'll meet tomorrow, then." She put the phone down and told Makie, "She says you forgot to put the toilet seat down."

The lithe gymnast bit her tongue. "Oopsie!"

Ako stared at Makie, head tilting sideways, staring at the gymnasts' crotch.

Makie blinked. "What?"

Ako shook her head. Nah… "Nothing…"

Then a flash of light washed all over the room, startling Makie. "Soon the thunder will start..." Yuuna mused.

Akira shifted around in her seat. "Somehow, I don't like how it's feeling..."

Ever since getting her Senshi powers, actually, she felt on the edge and nervous a lot more often. She seemed to catch bad vibes almost everywhere, especially near Mimi-sensei and Evangeline. Even Zazie seemed to make her feel uneasy now, despite the fact Akira had never minded her ways before. And then there was that strange shadow she had begun to glimpse so often around the empty seat next to Kazumi's. She'd have to tell Minako and Artemis about it.

On the other hand, for some reason, being near Negi-sensei soothed her even more now...

"Yeah, me neither," Makie agreed with a small shudder. "Maybe we should go sleep early..."

"Poo, fraidy cat!" Yuuna mocked her. "What's the matter? A few flashes of light and loud rumbling sounds can't kill anyone!"

And then something... peculiar ran all across the room, like an in-situ major bolt of static electricity and burst of compressed air hitting them all very suddenly. Akira tensed up with the Senshi activation phrase on the tip of her tongue, while Makie cowered even more into the sheets. "Wh-what was that?"

"Yeah, it was freaky as heck," Yuuna tried to rub her goosebumps away. "You think Hakase's weird experiments are going out of control again?"

"You never know with those weird artifacts she designs..." Ako worried.

"Yeah, she's always one for artifact abuse," Makie nodded.

Akira felt a strange buzzing at the back of her head, and an icy jolt running up her neck and drilling into her brain. "P-Perhaps we should go out of hereto, I don't know, Yue and Nodoka's room, or to Negi-sensei's..."

Yuuna grinned a bit. "Why, Akira-chan...! It's always the quiet ones...! Out of all of us, you're the first one to come with an excuse to sneak in there...?"

"It's... It's not that!" the swimmer protested. "But—!"

She couldn't even finish the sentence. Out of nowhere, a new, much more powerful, blast of the same unknown energy hit the whole room, and Akira felt the same sensation growing much stronger, piercing through her mind like a knife and knocking her into quick unconsciousness, a rainbow of colors burned into her eyes before darkness descended…

...

Act 14:

Negi faced the dark-armored knight. Though he looked to be Negi's age, the thick armor and especially the large sword-like weapon made him seem more impressive. As an educated boy, Negi knew the source of the stories of black nights: poor knights painted their armor in tar to keep it from rusting, so they could save on upkeep. It was pure symbolism that had the 'black knight' being assigned to the role of a force for evil.

Faced with such a dark night wielding blade at least twice as long as he was tall, Negi couldn't find much comfort in the thought.

Letting out a loud cry– purely as a way to distract and surprise the knight, honest!– he flung out his hand, swiftly incanting Sagitta Magicas to strike. The knight countered, sending his own ice arrows to counter his own. Negi stared, stunned. While in a basic duel such as this the practice was to shoot arrows and catch the enemy's with your shield, his opponent had just blocked him by using his arrows to strike Negi's own, neutralizing them. He'd only ever seen Evangeline do that, and that had been with large spells that were easy to get into a direct battle of attrition against, not with something as small as arrows. Whoever this was, his fine control was clearly good.

The knight level his sword at Negi, and Negi's eyes went wide as a spell shot from the tip. He barely managed to avoid it, and upon seeing the containment bubble the spell produced on impact, his suspicions were confirmed. The sword was a modern version of one of his antiques, a war-pike that send out pre-loaded spells. This one didn't seem to have a limited magazine like the one he had, and the make looked recent. That was bad.

Sending another series of light arrows at the Dark Knight, the two clashed.

...

Chisame was rapidly coming to a conclusion.

Mahora, in any world, was populated by idiots. It didn't matter who they were, be they student, princesses, vampires, body guards, or someone who supposedly had a degree in teaching, they were all idiots.

"Superman warned us about days like this," she grumbled from where she was standing behind her maids.

"What's that, Chisame-chan?" Konoka asked, not looking away from where her partner was fighting, to many aerial flips that lifted the meido's ultra-short skirt and showed off her cute little white cotton granny panties.

"Everyone is an idiot," Chisame said. She raised her voice. "Hey, stop it you guys! Come on, listen to me! No fighting! No fighting!"

A universe and some distance away, Emiya Shiro sneezed.

"It appears they cannot hear you, mistress," Chitose commented.

Chisame rolled her eyes. "Obviously," she said. Grumbling, she took out her Pactio Card, summoning her Artifact. "Switch to relay mode. I'm going in."

"Eh? What are you going to do, Chisame-chan?"Konoka asked.

"Playing to my strengths," Chisame said, sitting down cross-legged and closing her eyes…

...

It always puzzled her why the dataspace was represented as a sea. It wasn't anything big, just one of those idle thoughts like 'why is the sky blue instead of purple?', or 'why is Negi so clueless?' or 'what sadistic freak wants to make me suffer by giving me this life?'. Little things like that. She let the thought slip away as she stood at the virtual representation of a control center. Quickly, she started tracing through the links, using her maids as transmitters. She'd had Hakase refit them for exactly that, to allow them to access any network from any distance. She found the web of network that represented Mahora instantly, and began filtering out the civilian networks, the in-laboratory ones, the library, trying to isolate the system the mages used. She was the familiar with the system in her world, and soon was able to worm her way in. Quickly, she searched through, seeking out where the most traffic was passing through.

Her virtual-self smiled grimly. "Bingo…" she said.

The thing about mage systems was that they weren't limited by hardware. They used magical displays and magical keyboards, and used electronic spirits to interface with electricity to create their computer networks. It worked like a regular computer network and regular computer interfaces, and that was the point. But it wasn't limited to that.

For example, the mages used a video-phone-like system regularly. This didn't rely on cameras, microphones or speakers, but rather the magical interface on one end connecting with the magical interface on the other end, even if the signal was passing through regular old mundane wires and internet in between. Both ends used magic. And the same system used to, say, show displays was also used for said video conferences.

Chisame allowed herself a very satisfied smile as she watched the mage's control center though their own displays. No cameras need apply. Then she attacked.

The bridge bunnies cried out first as they were locked out of the system. She didn't give them time to realize what was going on, systematically rendering their controls useless. She watched as they stared in confusion, all their displays shifting into Chisame's– or rather, Calculator's–personal emblem, the heart at the end of her Sceptrum Virtuale, complete with ribbons, on a pink field. Beneath were the words, "You're Computer-fu is weak. Neener neener."

Petty, but strangely satisfying.

That done, she hijacked the telepathic message system and carefully zeroed in on the part of the comms the people they were fighting were using, and dexterously included Ala Alba into the network. Out in her body, she was vaguely aware of a sudden break in the tempo in the fights, mostly from Ala Alba, as they heard the telepathic messages, and the panic from their opponents as they realized their communications were compromised. That done, Chisame boosted the 'sound' output to the max.

And then hacked the system to let her take it beyond that.

Finally, she spoke, letting her words be carried to the control room as well.

"WILL YOU STUPID IDIOTS STOP FIGHTING?-!-?-!-?-! FOR CRYING OUT LOUD, YOU'RE ACTING LIKE COMIC BOOK CHARACTERS ON THEIR FIRST CROSSOVER TEAM UP!-!-!-!"

She slightly disengaged from the Sceptrum's interface as she heard everyone crying out, stumbling and falling to their knees, hands to their ears, even though that wouldn't do any good. She'd gotten better at this, using the data manipulation abilities while conscious and mobile. Chisame stood up, but it was the Calculator who glared at all of them and had her voice screaming in their minds. "HONESTLY, STOP IT! NOW!"

Asuna staggered to her feet, glaring at Chisame, but the hacker cut her off. "NO, RED! WE'RE STOPPING THIS. NOW! AS AN ALA ALBA EXECUTIVE AND U.M.G.A. CENTRAL CONTROL OFFICER, I'M ORDERING YOU ALL TO STAND DOWN! NODOKA, STOP EMBARRASSING THOSE POOR GIRLS! YOU'LL GIVE THEM LIFE-LONG ISSUES!"

Everyone staggered once more at this assault, and Chisame nodded in satisfaction. She lowered the volume slightly. "Now, can we all act like sensible, educated people and TALK?-!-?-!-?-!-?"

Kuro, despite having a splitting headache, managed a snort. "Spoilsport."

Epilogue: Madoka.

Madoka softly rapped her knuckles on the Brigade's door.

"Suzumiya-sempai?" she asked tentatively.

No one said anything.

"Kyon-sempai?" she asked again.

There was a low, softly buzzing sound coming from the inside now, but nothing resembling a human voice.

"What was that? Asahina-sempai? Nagato-sempai?"

The door flew open almost hitting her face. Madoka barely sidestepped in time, hesitating for a moment before peeking in. "Hello? Someone in here?"

No one. A shame, too; earlier that morning, she had run into Nodoka, who had mentioned in passing a new book had arrived at the library, one that Nagato-sempai had pre-ordered days before. Nodoka would be too busy for the rest of the day, but since Madoka was often around the Brigade's quarters, the librarian had asked her if she could deliver the book for her...

Always one to jump at a chance to see Kyon-sempai again, Madoka had quickly latched onto the offer, saying she'd be glad to help. And now here she was. It had been a waste of time, and she was fairly sure no one else would be coming for the rest of the day. As a matter of fact, she'd better rush back home before Suzushiro-sempai or Kotegawa-sempai found her breaking the curfew.

She quickly wrote a note for Nagato-sempai and left it on the table next to the book. As soon as she did that, however, she saw a huge flash of light bathing the whole window, and blinding her for a moment. Kugimiya groaned in annoyance, rubbing her eyes and blinking until she stopped seeing rainbow-colored spots dancing before her eyes.

She turned around and walked out the door, catching a glimpse of a portrait of an insolently grinning boy very similar to Haruhi-sempai hanging from a wall on her way out. Maybe he was her brother or cousin; the family resemblance was uncanny.

But she didn't mind it much as she closed the door behind her as best as she could and began walking down the lonely corridor. For some reason, in any case, everything around her looked exactly the same, and yet oddly different.

At the exact same time, Nagato Yuki was entering the room Madoka had walked into... not the one she had just walked out of. The short-haired petite girl stopped only for a moment, her eternally emotionless face showing a very small hint of frustration for only a picosecond.

"I've arrived late," she whispered to no one in particular.

Oh well, at least Kugimiya had delivered her book. She could always give it a read before going to rescue her.

Nagato pulled a chair out very calmly, sat down, and began to read, paying the utmost attention to each word.

...

Skuld stared in horror at the unholy mess of readings that had just appeared on her displays. "WHAT IN FUJISHIMA'S NAME JUST HAPPENED?

The universe had just gone off the rails…

...

- To be continued...

...

SCM's A/N:I didn't want 2814 Negi to just win instantly, but I also didn't want to nerf him and make him lose his power, so I settled for keeping him unbalanced with surprise and bind tactics, which he himself had abandoned early in the series and which he wouldn't expect, since few had tried to use it against him effectively. I peg the Mahora teachers as 'weak but skilled' in the same way Takamichi is: not Ala Rubra level, but are hell on wheels with what they can do.

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Until next time, this is Shadow and OverMaster, signing off.

Next in Unequally Rational and Emotional:

Ako gets in touch with her motherly side!

Makie meets the teacher she never had!

Akira has her talents as a Magical Girl sorely tested!

And Yuuna learns a few shocking things about her own life that will send her in a down path of no return as her decadent habits reveal themselves!

As the Unequally and 2814 worlds meet, the Sport Girls and Madoka take the spotlight for a chapter that will go way beyond the borders of this world… or the other one! Be there!