DISCLAIMER: I do NOT own Ouran High School Host Club
Warning: Angst
Some deep shit happens here (I think...)
Enjoy chapter twenty-nine!
Chapter 29
And again it happened. Many times.
It's been over two weeks already and Izumi still hasn't attended the host club. Much less talked to anyone.
Izumi became just another face in class.
He disappeared between class and lunch. He avoided absolutely everybody. The host members were never able to get a hold of him. Even other students, who had tried to talk to him, couldn't manage. He always slipped away at the first opening he saw. Eventually, everyone ceased to approach him.
The host club had given up trying to get him to come back. They started talking about him less and less. In the end, they stopped mentioning him altogether. Even his customers grew tired of asking. They stopped visiting the club. Even Renge, who at first was persistent in knowing what was wrong, had stopped. The host club went back to the way it was before. When it only had seven hosts. Except it wasn't the same anymore.
They knew, even if it wasn't talked about again, that Izumi's absence in the club made them all feel as if it was incomplete. They knew it wasn't the same without him. There was no one there to scowl at them at every tease and joke. There was no one Tamaki could go and tackle, and get the same flustered reaction. There was no one Haruhi could chat with and have them actually listen to her instead of making comments here and there. There was no one Renge could tease to about anything and know their face will flush in an instant. There was no tsundere type.
Although everyone had been down since Izumi had practically become an unknown person, they got over it as the days passed. They were soon in their normal moods, doing what they always do. But there was one host that never showed any improvement.
That was of course Kaoru. The longer the days went by without the eighth host, the more depressed he seemed. And it worried everyone else. They were also still upset about it, but for the most part they didn't show it. They went on with everything else and made sure this change didn't affect them. But for Kaoru, it only got worse.
Hikaru was concerned and often went to Haruhi for any advice on what he should do. But the girl never knew what to say. She didn't understand why it affected Kaoru so much. She knew there had to be a reason for it, but when she asked Hikaru about it he shoved it off.
It was really worrisome. The whole crew could clearly see how much of a mess Kaoru was becoming. There were days when he didn't even go to school. Hikaru claimed it was because he felt sick. But they knew that was a lie.
The days he did go to school he would sit by himself and stare off somewhere. He ignored everyone and completely lacked the will to do anything. It usually ended with Kaoru leaving in the middle of club hours.
Today was one of those rare days that Kaoru actually made the effort to stay the whole time. Even if it did involve him with just sitting down and looking down at his lap.
It was Friday so the twins were busy putting the costumes and makeup away for the weekend. Hikaru could be trusted but the crew wasn't so sure Kaoru would be able to do anything considering how he's been acting. Haruhi had offered to help them out, but they declined and said they could handle it. Reluctantly, they all left the club room to go home. Hopefully they would be okay.
Everyone parted ways once they reached outside. They all had their own chauffeurs ready to pick them up. Haruhi sighed and waved them goodbye before she started walking out the gate.
"Wait Haruhi!"
The girl turned around and saw Tamaki running over to her. She saw how the car that had been there to pick him up drove away.
"I'll walk you home!" Tamaki said with a wide smile.
Haruhi laughed a little. Tamaki almost always pesters her but she can't deny that she enjoys his company.
"Sure." she replied.
They both walked side by side towards Haruhi's house. For the most part Tamaki was just blabbering away. Still, Haruhi had fun with him and often found herself laughing at some of the ridiculous things that came out of the blonde's mouth. They were nearly halfway to her house when the girl suddenly remembered she had left her homework on a table back at the club.
"Do you want me to go with you?" Tamaki questioned her.
Haruhi shook her head at that. "Nah it's fine. I'll go by myself. You go home."
Tamaki frowned at that and was tempted to go with her away but then realized he should probably not bother her more than necessary. If she said it was fine then it was definitely fine.
With that they parted ways, though not before Tamaki warned her to be safe on her way back and to go straight home. Haruhi assured him she was just going to pick up her stuff and do just that.
As Haruhi made her way back to the school she briefly wondered if Hikaru and Kaoru were finished with the cleaning. Probably, it's been half an hour already. She sighed in frustration, wondering how she could have forgotten her stuff. Honestly she just wanted to forget about it and go home. But as a scholarship student she couldn't afford to slack off. She knew that of course. Still, it didn't change how tiresome it made her to walk all the way back to school.
Haruhi walked towards Music Room 3 and pulled down the handle. She blinked in surprise when it turned all the way and allowed her to open it. She had expected the club room to be locked. Did the twins forget to lock it? Haruhi thought. Well maybe they aren't finished yet. The girl walked in and noticed how the light was turned off. She scanned the room and saw no one in sight. The club room was empty. So the twins did finish.
Not bothering to turn on the light, Haruhi looked around and spotted the small round table that held her stuff. She sighed in relief, thankful the twins didn't touch it. She walked over to the table and looked through the books and papers, making sure that everything she needed was there. She gathered her things, put it inside her bag, and briefly looked around again. She was about to leave when she noticed a light under the door of the other room. Did they forget to turn it off?
Haruhi went over and slightly turned the knob before pausing. She could have sworn she heard some shuffling noises from the other side. Were they still here? Haruhi opened the door slowly and peeked inside. Kaoru was sitting down on the far couch with his hands in his face and Hikaru was crouching down in front of him, his back was facing her. The girl opened her mouth to call out to them when one of the twins spoke up quietly.
"It's not… the same." Kaoru mumbled, his face still hidden in his hands. There was a slight crack in his voice.
"It's better than what you're doing now." Hikaru replied, his voice soft and gentle.
Haruhi frowned. She didn't want to interrupt them, but she also didn't want to eavesdrop. But Kaoru's next words had her stay in her place.
"I know that. But I can't just forget about him!"
Him?
"You can't stay like this either." Hikaru said immediately, his voice turning rougher. "It's not healthy."
Was this about Izumi?
"Kaoru, I've told you this before and I will say it as many times as I need to. What you're doing right now is turning you into a mess and you know that. Forget about him. Move on. It's been two weeks."
The younger twin stayed silent for a while, seeming to be processing what the other said. Then his shoulders started to shake.
"I can't. I just… can't do that." Kaoru choked out. He took his hands off his face and Haruhi saw how the boy was on the verge of tears, obviously struggling to hold them back. "Even if Izumi did… It's just not possible for me."
Hikaru sighed at that. "Kaoru, but like this—"
"I know! You don't have to repeat it." Kaoru cut him off. He turned his gaze to his hands.
There was a long silence. Neither said anything. They just stayed like that, seeming to be thinking everything over. Haruhi didn't understand what they were referring to. But she did know it had to do with why Kaoru's been acting strange lately.
"It hurts." Kaoru started. "It really hurts more each day." His voice was strained and his face was twisted in a way that showed pain. He looked back at his brother. "How am I supposed to get over something like this!?" he shouted.
"It's not easy! Each day I'm hoping—wishing—to get a call or a text from him. Every time I go to school I want him to look my way. But he never does! He pushed me away last time and now he's avoiding me. How do you think that makes me feel!? It fucking hurts!" Kaoru paused for a second as he choked on his words. That pause caused him to break down, tears no longer being restrained. "I like him. I really like him. And it hurts me the longer he does this." he added softly.
Hikaru got up and hugged his brother. He didn't say a word.
Haruhi quietly closed the door and left the club room just as quietly. There was no reason for her to stay any longer. She understood now. Kaoru and Izumi were dating. And this thing Izumi was doing was hurting Kaoru deeply. She can see why he has been getting worse every day. It made sense now. But for what reason was Izumi doing this to Kaoru? It seemed to her that even the twin didn't know what was going on.
There must a reason for Izumi to do this. He has to have a good reason as to why he was hurting Kaoru like this. But he can't keep doing this to Kaoru. She needed to talk to him. Maybe she could somehow help.
The female host waited patiently for someone to answer the door. This wasn't something she could just leave for later. So she decided to go talk to Izumi before going home. A few minutes passed by before the door was opened. And just like last time Ryuu answered.
The fake blonde raised his brows when he saw her, seeming to be a little surprised. Well, since the last time she tried to talk to Izumi no one had come to his house.
"I need to talk to Izumi." Haruhi explained before the other could open his mouth.
Ryuu frowned and looked off to the side for a second, as if he was deciding on what to say, before turning back to her. "He's not home."
"I need to talk to him." Haruhi repeated. She wasn't about to let this go. She stared hard at the fake blonde and kept eye contact.
Ryuu didn't back down and was about to say something else when he was suddenly shoved to the side. Liviya now stood in front of Haruhi.
"What the hell woman!" Ryuu shouted.
"He's in the dojo." she told Haruhi before opening the door fully and allowing her to go inside.
"Liviya." Ryuu warned.
The elder girl turned towards him and glared. "Shut it." she growled. "Come here." she then said, directing towards Haruhi, who nodded and followed her to the back. Liviya paused in front of the backdoor and turned towards her. "Please get him to change his mind." Then she left.
Haruhi went out the door and walked over to the dojo. It was the first time she's actually seen it. It was quite big and very old-fashioned based off of the sliding doors it had. The girl took a deep breath before knocking on it. As she waited she thought about how she should approach the matter. It's very possible that Izumi's going to shove her off and not listen to her like last time. She had to find a way to say it right and get him to tell her the problem.
The screen door was slid open and Izumi stood there wearing his judogi. He was short of breath and sweating, an obvious sign Haruhi had interrupted him while he was working out. And just like Ryuu had done earlier Izumi made a face full of surprise.
"Haruhi?" he questioned as he tilted his head slightly.
The girl smiled a little and said, "I need to talk to you."
Izumi furrowed his brows and made a wary expression. He looked like he was about to refuse her attempt. "I… I need to—"
"Izumi." Haruhi cut off. She looked at him with a fixed face, trying to get him to see how serious this was.
Izumi sighed and ruffled his hair harshly. "Yeah, okay." he said as he moved to the side.
Haruhi went in and observed the place. The dojo was pretty spacious and bare. It had a wooden floor and the few screen panels around. She turned towards the raven haired and noted how uneasy he looked. "I'm guessing you have an idea on why I'm here, right?"
Izumi stared at her for a second before replying. "Somewhat." he muttered. He walked past her and sat down where there was a water bottle on the floor. He grabbed it and proceeded to drink from it.
Haruhi went over and sat down in front of him. "Then, don't try to hide it. Tell me what's wrong." she said.
Izumi put down the bottle and shook his head. "Haruhi, this isn't something I can just tell you."
"Then tell me why you're purposefully doing this to Kaoru."
Izumi furrowed his brows in confusion. "Kaoru?" he questioned. "What does he have to do with this?"
"Kaoru is the reason you're doing this in the first place. Right?" Haruhi looked at him sternly, catching every expression the raven haired made. It was clear he didn't know Haruhi knew about them.
Izumi looked alert and vigilant as he responded. "I don't under—"
"Izumi, I know." Haruhi sighed out. She smiled a little to ease up his panicked face. "I know you two are dating."
Izumi blinked and looked off to the side, as if not knowing what to do.
"Or at least were." she added.
The raven haired visibly flinched at that. He turned back to her and replied softly, "How is he?"
"What do you think, Izumi?" she sighed. Izumi's faced changed to that of worriment.
"You're really hurting him like this."
Izumi ruffled his hair and looked down at the floor. "I know." he muttered.
"He was crying today."
The boy abruptly picked up his head and stared at her with widened eyes. "Wha—"
"He's hurting so much that he's crying over you."
Regret was all over Izumi's face. Regret and remorse.
"Izumi, this is serious. Why are you doing this?" she asked, hoping he'll tell her this time.
Izumi gritted his teeth and ran a hand over his face before taking a deep breath. "I'm not doing this because I want to." he defended. Haruhi stayed quiet and let him continue.
"I have to do this." Izumi looked at her, trying to get her to believe him.
"Why?"
"I... need to protect him… I can't—won't let this happen. Like this it's okay."
"Izumi, you're not making any sense."
The raven haired sighed in frustration. He stayed silent for a while before looking at her with determination. "Alright, I'll tell you from the beginning. Listen closely because I won't repeat this to you again." he started. Haruhi nodded.
"The first thing you need to know is about my father. About four years after my mother passed away he started seeing this woman. Now this woman looks a lot like my mother and that was all my father really cared. He didn't actually care about her but she was madly in love with him. And for some reason, she hated me. She always got jealous when my father would pay more attention to me.
"She would do all kinds of crazy things in order to get rid of me. She once hired some men to kidnap me. Another time she sold me to some traffickers. Both which my father had to go and save me. Then when I was fifteen I had a boyfriend in which I kept secret from them. But she found out and told my father. And my father wasn't very… fond of me going out with a guy and in the end we broke up because of that. Now the truth is my father isn't away on business. He actually passed away a week before I came to Japan. And she believes that his death is my fault and that just added fuel to her hatred."
Izumi paused for a second to take a deep breath. Haruhi stared at him in shock as she processed all of this and remained silent.
"About two weeks ago I got a letter blackmailing me that if I didn't break up with Kaoru then she would ruin his reputation. I know her well enough to believe in what she said. And I know the things she has is going to completely ruin him." he said softly. "I don't want that to happen. So I'm hoping that if she sees how we're not together then she'll drop it."
Haruhi still didn't say anything as he finished. She thought everything over. So someone is blackmailing him to do this. The girl sighed. "Izumi, you doing this is just letting this woman know she won."
Izumi lowered his eyes and stared at the floor. He must already know that.
"The first thing you should've done is talk with Kaoru. This isn't something one-sided. It concerns him too. He should know about this."
"I realize that." Izumi muttered. He turned his blue eyes back to the girl's dark brown ones. "I just didn't want him to get involved in this."
"And by doing that you're hurting him more than if you actually talked to him about this." Haruhi countered, narrowing her eyes. "This isn't fair to him."
"I—I know—"
"Izumi, do you like Kaoru?"
"… Yes."
"Do you want him to be happy?"
"Yes."
"Do you want to be with him?"
Izumi looked awfully miserable as he answered these questions. "Yes." His voice was soft and hurt. He too must have endured a lot of emotional pain.
"Then this shouldn't be so hard." Haruhi concluded. She stood up and said, "Talk to Kaoru. And don't waste any more time." She turned around and walked out of the dojo, not sticking around to hear his response. She walked back inside the house and saw Liviya standing by the entrance.
"So? How did it go?" she asked.
"I think it went well." Haruhi said with a smile. Liviya nodded and thanked her. With that Haruhi walked to the front door and left the house. The whole time she hoped dearly that Izumi would make the right choice and listen to her.
After Haruhi had left a cold, bitter air surrounded Izumi in the empty dojo. It made him miss those days when Kaoru was trying to learn judo for him. His frustration all the time when he couldn't do the right moves. His complaining when he was worn out and sore. That day he refused to sit still during meditation and they ended up in an intimate moment. Their intimate moment…
That picture! That damn picture! Why did all those pictures have to exist!
Damn her! Damn her! Damn her! Why was she so obsessed in destroying his happiness!?
Izumi gritted his teeth and clutched his hair roughly. He hated this. Why was this supposed to happen?
I'm hurting him? I'm hurting him so much that he's crying? Over me!? Does he really care about me? Am I worth that much?
Pathetic! I'm so pathetic! So fucking stupid! An idiot!
How much of a coward am I that I ran away at the first opening!?
I don't want to be hurt!? Are you fucking kidding me! You're hurting Kaoru like this! You made him cry!
Why did I run?
"Shit."
How could I not see this?
"Shit!"
Why didn't I talk to him first?
"Shit!"
How could I make him cry?
"SHIT!" Izumi shouted out as loudly as he could and slammed his fist down on the wooden floor.
He collapsed down and curled up.
"I'm such an idiot." he whispered.
Ugh these poor babies! I'm making them suffer so much T.T
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