Notes: Been a bit busy and will be for a little while so next few chapters might be slow in coming. I'll try my best. Thanks as always for reading/reviews.
Disclaimer: I own nothing Twilight. I merely play with the characters for entertainment. No copyright infringement intended.
Chapter 29
Trespass
I woke up the next day sore but feeling rested. I didn't feel the disgusting sluggishness that had been my constant companion the past week.
I went to wash up realizing Phil was out already and I had slept in a bit, but I was proud to be out of bed. When I changed my clothes, I caught sight of my two iPods, my old iPod nano and my new iPod Touch I received from Esme and Carlisle. The new player contained music handpicked by Edward.
It hit me like a ton of bricks on my chest. I didn't want to even look at it, let alone listen to the songs on there. It was ridiculous to think putting away a token reminder of him would keep my mind from wandering onto painful territory, but I grabbed the new player and I searched in my closet for the plastic bin I used for out of season clothes.
I dumped the clothes in it out frantically and I dragged it to the living room. I put in the laptop and the iPod and all the accessories that came with it. I put in the camera Jasper got me and I dragged it back to the closet to find the dress Alice bought me. I found all the presents I had received for my birthday and put them in the bin. It wasn't going to stop me from thinking about them, but I wouldn't have reminders around.
Then I thought of my cell phone and my bed. Those were going to be problematic. I had given the cell phone number to the jobs I had applied to and I had to wait to hear from them. And I adored my bed, and I wasn't looking forward to going back to the cramped sofa. I had been too spoiled.
I decided to slowly ween myself off of those two items later. I closed the lid on the bin and I left it in the back of the closet.
I was again left alone with my thoughts so I decided to go bike riding again. I was still sore, but I didn't care. I wanted to exert myself to the point of passing out in bed again.
I left the house desirous to lose myself again.
I wasn't paying attention to where I was going but I ended off the asphalt road and onto pebbly trail. It became harder to pedal my bike and the road became rougher and I was tired and sore already, leftovers from yesterday. I slid off my bike and walked it, admiring the scenic view.
The place was unfamiliar to me, though I was sure I wasn't too far away from where I started.
I spotted some small homes when I heard yelling.
"Hey! Hey!" I heard angry shouts. "What are you doing here?"
I looked to see where the yelling was coming from and I saw three tall, dark figures running quickly towards me.
My natural reaction was to look around to see if there was anyone else around who they could be talking to or if they really were shouting at me. It seemed I was the lucky one as there was no one else behind me.
The three men reached me quickly with their long strides and angry stares and I was just as quickly intimidated.
"What are you doing here?" one of them barked at me.
I stood open-mouthed, not knowing how to answer.
"This is private property," another one said less hostilely.
I shook my head, still open-mouthed and unable to speak. "I'm sorry," I finally managed to utter. "I didn't know."
There was a dog barking in the distance.
"You didn't know? What, you don't know how to read?" the first one said to me agitated.
"Read?" I questioned dumbly.
"Yeah, the huge sign you ignored," he answered angrily.
I turned my head back from where I came from. It was very possible I had missed even a big sign the way I had been lately.
The barking dog sounded closer. That's when I saw the dog running toward us.
"Sorry," I apologized again and tried to back up to leave before the dog reached me. But the one who did most of the talking sidestepped to block my exit.
"Why did you come here?" he continued to question me.
"Why?" I questioned back. I didn't understand. "I was just walking," I started to say.
"Walking? Or riding?" he interrogated.
"Riding, then walking," I answered, my brows furrowed. I didn't think I needed to answer all their questions, but I answered them just the same.
"Let her go," the tallest one told my interrogator.
"Her story doesn't make sense," he spit out, not taking his eyes off me.
The dog reached us and I was afraid it might want to attack me as well. It came up to me, sniffing, then it turned around and barked at the men. It seemed to be on my side for some reason.
"What's wrong with him?" asked the one who was quiet till now.
"Quiet!" yelled the angry one.
The dog barked at him specifically and wouldn't let up. He backed up, though he kept a snarl on his face.
"I'll just leave," I yelled over the dog's barking. "It was my mistake."
The dog had cleared a path for me and I maneuvered my bike to leave. I saw another man running towards us. I wanted to leave before the whole population descended on me.
"Your dog's gone crazy!" yelled the quiet one to the new man as he was nearly caught up in our growing crowd. The angry one was apparently involved in a snarling contest with the dog.
The new man reached us, taking his place next to the tall one. He was slightly taller than the tallest one. His skin was tanned and very muscular, a trait I noticed because he was wearing shorts and nothing else, not even shoes. And he had a smile.
Odd, I thought, given the situation. Or maybe I was the only one who thought so. I looked at the angry guy and the dog. No, I wasn't the only one.
"Sit, Wolfie," the new guy commanded the dog. The dog immediately stopped its standoff and sat carefree. The man stepped closer and kneeled by the dog petting it roughly on the head. Wolfie wagged his tail happily.
He lifted his head up and looked at me. "Hi, Bella," he said softly to me with a friendly smile.
My eyes widened. He knew my name. My eyes then squinted on his face, trying to recollect if I knew him. He stood, and my eyes followed their focus till my neck was straining along with my eyesight.
"You know her?" one of the other boys asked with the surprise the rest of us must have felt. I turned to catch glimpses of the three others. Yup, surprised.
"She doesn't seem to know you," the quiet one said chuckling. I was beginning to think the quiet one wasn't really actually quiet.
"He is kind of forgettable," retorted the angry one, who seemed to be loosening up.
"Guess you didn't make an impression," the tall one added with a smirk.
"Nah, I made an impression, just maybe not a good one," the man who knew me answered still smiling at me. "You might not remember my face," he said to me conspiratorially. "I kind of gave you an eyeful, so to speak."
I scrunched my face in rebuke. What did that mean?
"Bella," the not so quiet one said to himself as if trying to remember himself. Then his face opened like a light bulb went off. "Of course! This is that girl," he exclaimed to the others. "The one he always thinks about." The other two smiled in realization.
My old "acquaintance" cleared his throat loudly to drown out his friend's apparent betrayal. His face seemed to get a little more color from embarrassment.
I was still in confusion. He knew me well enough to think of me often. How could I not know someone I must come into contact with often.
"Man, she doesn't even remember you," said the angry one.
That made me annoyed. I was trying desperately to recall, after assuming this isn't some sort of weird joke on me. The dog barked at him a couple more times and I was thankful.
"Maybe you should take your pants off. Give her something she can recognize," joked the not so quiet one. The other two laughed and smiled.
I gasped in disgust and backed away from them. This was turning into something I had not expected. To be fair, none of this up until now was normal, but it just turned very ugly.
"You're scaring her," my stalker chided his friends. "Don't worry about them," he tried to gently assuage me. "Their barks are worse than their bites." I was not having it.
I heard "Yeah, rights" and laughing from the others.
"You probably didn't give her much to look at, even with your pants off," laughed the angry one. The other two joined in the laughter.
Even my acquaintance smirked and remarked back, "You wish you were as big as me."
I had had enough. I tried to sneak away while they were measuring each other up, so to speak.
Why would they think I had seen him naked? I had never even seen a live naked man before... except... that one time...
I looked down at the dog that was trying to follow me. It looked different now, cleaner, less lean, looked after, but it was the same dog from that day. That day I bought a naked man pants.
"Jacob," I recalled to myself.
"Hey, she remembers!" rejoiced the not so quiet one lifting his hands up shoulder height.
Supposed Jacob closed the gap I had managed to sneak between us. He smiled at me.
Yes, it was him. His long, messy hair from that day was gone, replaced by a short, messy do. He looked less wild, but he still had the open boyish handsomeness. How could I have forgotten his face? He had a warmth about him today that wasn't present that early spring day.
"Jacob Black," I said more confidently. I even remembered his last name. My memory wasn't totally shot.
"You do remember," he said.
"Well, it's not every day I see a naked man," I joked.
"I would hope not," he replied.
After a brief moment of silence, I said, "I see you've taken good care of the dog. Wolfie, is it?"
"Yeah," he said, leaning down to pat it on its back. "He's quite a good dog. Smart. Remembers you," he said nodding his head at me once.
"Yeah," I agreed wholeheartedly. "Smarter than me in that respect. Probably in other respects, too." The dog did remember me and came to my side, my protection really against my persecutors.
Jacob smiled big.
"I'm really sorry," I added. "Your hair threw me off," I lamely babbled an excuse.
"It's all right," he tried to assure me. "You didn't really even look at me, so..."
"No, it's not okay," I kept apologizing. "I did look at you. I mean, after you put on pants, so I have no excuse. I'm just, I mean, I'm not myself lately. I've been distracted," I said, my voice trailing off. I immediately regretted letting out what I thought was too much information. I quickly added, "I mean, I didn't even see the sign here. I'm trespassing. I should go."
I tried to make my way back out for what seemed like the tenth time already.
"No!" came an emphatic dissent. I stopped in my tracks. Jacob released the sudden tension from his body and rubbed the back of his neck with a hand. "I mean, you're not trespassing. You're my guest. You just got here."
"Yes, Bella, stay," added the tall man from the back where he stood with the others. He nudged the angry one with an elbow. He turned his head to look at the tall one accusingly.
But the not so quiet one took the cue, instead. "Yeah, we're sorry we frightened you. We're just cautious of strangers on our land."
"Yeah, sorry" the angry one added begrudgingly.
"See, even Paul wants you to stay, and he hates everybody," Jacob said.
The angry one had a name. "Paul seems thrilled," I sarcastically said.
"Don't mind them. I live right over there," Jacob said pointing to a nearby small house. "Why don't you stop by and rest a bit?"
"I don't know," I said hesitantly. While he wasn't a complete stranger, I had only met him, if you could even call it a meeting, once before and I wasn't in the habit of walking into anyone's home.
"Jake's a good guy," said not so quiet guy, "not like Paul."
Paul didn't take so kindly to his joke and he playfully yet roughly jumped him.
Jacob laughed at them and looked at me sweetly trying to persuade me. I smiled back politely. I was usually a guarded and skeptical person but somehow Jacob did exude a sense of goodness.
"Maybe for a little bit," I relented. Jacob smiled a big toothy grin.
"Great. Here let me," he offered as he put his hands toward the handlebars of my bike. One of his hands grazed mine and I, startled at someone's touch, pulled my hand away quickly. They all noticed, but Jacob was the only one to act as if it didn't happen, though it should have affected him the most as it was his touch that made me react.
He was the first person to touch me since the incident that had changed my life. And that last touch had hurt me in more ways than one, the worst of which was not the way that left still faintly visible marks on my neck.
Another thing that sprang to mind was how warm he was. Perhaps I had become so used to the coldness of them I had forgotten how warm people actually were.
He walked my bike a few feet with me walking on the other side of the bike when we reached the three guys.
"Paul, I mentioned. And that's Sam," Jacob said indicating to the tall one, "and Jared." Jared, the joker, lifted his fingers in a bashful wave.
I lifted my hand up by the elbow and waved at my accusers-turned-acquaintances.
Then Jacob kept walking, past them, and I followed. The dog happily trotted ahead.
As we were walking, I overheard someone say, "She looks different than I expected. She looks unwell," behind us.
Then someone else, I think maybe Jared, said, "Maybe she's been sick."
I tried to pretend I didn't hear them because I was sure Jacob had, and I didn't want to embarrass anyone anymore.
I kept my head down and tried to hide my blushing as we continued walking.
We reached the small house and he boosted my bike up the porch steps and leaned it against the outside wall of the house. I followed him up and he opened the door and allowed me passage. Wolfie was lying on the porch. He turned his head toward the open door but Jacob seemed to gesture for him to stay and he did. I stepped into the small wooden cottage.
"Do you live here by yourself?" I asked.
"Yes," he answered behind me. "Do you want water or anything?" He walked past me.
"Water would be good. Thanks." In my hurry to get away from home, I forgot my water bottle.
Jacob stepped to the small kitchen area to get me my drink. I walked past the kitchen area and into the living area. There was a couch and a couple chairs and a small wooden coffee table. There was a small fireplace and a pile of cut firewood.
It felt like the home of a bachelor.
Jacob returned with a glass of ice water and I accepted gulping it down greedily. I was thirstier than I thought.
"I live here by myself, but my dad lives right there," he said pointing out the window to another small house not too far away. "It's good 'cause I'm over there a lot to check in on him, though don't let him know I said that."
"I won't," I smiled politely. I sat down on the couch and I put the empty glass on the wood table.
He sat down on the other end of the sofa. It squeaked as it yielded to his weight.
There was an awkward pause so I joked, "Are you always so under-dressed? Maybe I should've bought you more clothes that day."
He laughed. "Does this make you uncomfortable?" he said looking down at his bare chest. My eyes wandered down to his 6, no, 8-pack abs and I averted my eyes away quickly. "I can put a shirt on if you'd like."
"No, no," I stammered, "I was just kidding. It's your house, you can do whatever you want."
He smiled as he stood up and walked back toward the hallway. "It's all right. I just forget my manners sometimes. I don't get many guests." He disappeared into what I assumed was his room. "You'll have to excuse me. I have kind of a high body temperature so I'm usually too hot to wear a shirt," he shouted from the other room.
So I hadn't imagined his warmer than normal touch.
I heard the sounds of drawers being pulled and shut and then silence. I waited for him to reappear but when he didn't, I rose from my seat and started walking to where he had gone. I saw that the door was not completely shut and I tried to peer through the sliver of an opening.
That's when the door flew open and he popped up in front of me making me jump slightly.
"Too hot to wear a shirt," I quoted him back. He was standing extremely close to me and I could indeed feel his body heat though I wasn't quite touching him.
I raised my eyes and head till I was staring at his lowered head. He smirked. I took a step back, not removing my gaze. He took a step forward, closing the gap I had just made. I slowly backed away another step and he quickly followed again. I was about to take another step back when my leaning body hit the wall.
I saw he was about to move yet closer and I sidestepped out of his path.
"Bathroom?" I nervously said trying to diffuse the situation.
He turned his head to the side and I awkwardly pointed to the door next to his room practically in front of me and I charged it. I shut and locked the door behind me.
I washed my hands and I looked at myself in the mirror and gave myself a little shock.
I looked not only terrible, but terrifying. I looked like I hadn't looked at myself in days, which I guess was true. My face was puffy from all the crying, especially my eyes. And my hair looked crazy, like it was its own entity and should be locked up in an asylum somewhere where no one could look at it. Truth be told, I hadn't brushed it in days and I had been riding and sweating. I checked my wrists for a hair tie just to be sure though I didn't remember leaving one on. I tried my best to pat and stroke it down to a more reasonable state.
Worse, Jacob had just been staring at me, though he didn't seem scared. Jacob didn't look like he would be scared of much, though. I remembered his tall, muscular frame and how he had stood towering so close to me. His proximity had made me uneasy, but in a way I wasn't sure about yet. But if I understood anything about guys and people in general, his behavior toward me did not denote dislike. If anything, he seemed to be coming onto me.
I couldn't understand why, especially the way I was looking today. I could, however, understand Sam, Jared, and Paul's initial reaction to this wild-looking wind-whipped rat's nest haired crazy woman who couldn't apparently read 'no trespassing' signs. On top of that, today was what I assumed was just my second meeting with Jacob. And the first time, he was completely naked. I, personally, would not develop a crush on someone who caught me naked. Though, Jacob did not seem embarrassed at all that day, but I guess he had nothing to be ashamed of, to be fair.
I took a deep breath and I took one last look at myself. Looking any longer wasn't going to make me any more agreeable. I opened the door and stepped out. I didn't see Jacob in the hallway where I had left him so I made my way toward the living room area. He was sitting on a chair worry-free as could be. He smiled and stood up when he saw me.
I felt a tiny stirring inside me.
"I should get going," I said.
"Already?" he asked clearly looking disappointed. "You just got here."
"I know," I replied awkwardly. There was a pause like I should say something more but I didn't want to make lame excuses and lie to someone who seemed so sweet.
"Okay," he said after the glaring silence. "Well, will you come by again? Or I could pick you up or meet you somewhere. I promise I'll cover up," he joked.
I smiled. He really did seem so sweet, a contrast to his hulking physique. "Maybe," I brushed off.
His smile dwindled. "You could give me your number before you run off and disappear again."
"Again?" I asked. "As I recall, you're the one who literally ran off and disappeared."
He walked closer to me. "Well, you found me."
I gulped at his nearness again. I felt his warmth. I didn't back away this time.
"So..." he said softly.
"So..." I repeated.
"Your number?" he reminded me.
"Oh," I snapped to reality. "Right, about that," I drew out.
"You don't want to give me your number, Bella?" he gazed into my eyes. They were deep and dark.
"I, uh, I don't know if I should," I stammered. He smiled slowly. This threw me off for a second, but then I blurted out, "Why don't you give me yours?" I blushed at how bold I just sounded. "I'm going to change phones and I might get a new number. Just to be safe, I shouldn't give out my number." Anymore, I added in my head. I had already given it to the places I'd applied to for jobs so I shouldn't forget anymore.
"Okay," he said. He walked to the kitchen and returned a few seconds holding up a piece of paper. He handed it to me and I saw that it said "Jake" on it with his digits. "Don't lose that."
I nodded and slipped it into my pocket. I turned around to head to the front door. I stepped out of the house and Wolfie stood up to greet us tail wagging. I crouched to pet him.
Jacob stepped past us to my bike and lowered it off the stoop for me. I stood up and walked over to him.
"I can give you and the bike a ride home if you'd like," he said tilting his head toward an old, red pickup truck.
"Nice car," I complimented, "but I like riding."
I thanked him and then declined his offer to walk me off what I learned was the Quileute reservation, La Push. I hopped on and pedaled away, turning back to wave. Wolfie ran alongside for a bit barking before he turned around to return to his adopted owner. As I was exiting private territory, I indeed noticed a big sign warning off trespassers. I shook my head at my incompetency and absentmindedness.
I took the long way home, stopping at the market for some groceries.
Right when I got inside the apartment, I received a phone call from the bookshop. The owner let me know that she had filled the position and that she would let me know if anything else turned up. I thanked her and hung up.
I was disappointed for sure and I put away the groceries. I started to put together a dinner for Phil and me, when I pulled out my phone again.
I called Angela and asked if she was free for lunch the next day. She agreed to my last minute plans and she asked if I wanted her to invite the others. I thought about it for a second and said that that would be nice.
I hung up and finished prepping dinner.
Phil returned home early tonight and seemed surprised I had made dinner. We sat on the couch and ate watching television. I felt normal again for the hour we sat together not talking, like we did often before. I felt normal, but not happy.
When I was preparing for bed and putting away my clothes, I checked the pockets like I usually did and found Jake's phone number. I sighed and put the piece of paper away in my book bag.
As I lay in bed that night, I thought of how I had run into Jacob of all people today. I thought of how he had stood so close to me and how I had reacted.
I was alone now, painfully unattached. I was free to see or date anyone I wanted now. Except, I didn't want anyone. I wanted someone impossible.
No, I scolded myself. I had to be strong. I had to move on. I didn't think I could move on so quickly, but I had a hole inside me.
It was like a star was born inside me, a star so bright and hot. And the brightest and hottest stars burn the quickest and it had died into a black hole sucking the life out of me. I should try to plug in the hole or patch it up the best I could for now, but I was afraid a black hole could not be blocked up. It would only suck in everything around it into nothingness.
What a depressing thought. I would just wait until I disappeared into the blackness of nothing.
In the meantime, I should at least try to protect my friends and those around me from my misery. I thought twice about the plans I made with Angela for tomorrow. It would be a good test, to see if I could resume my dull life and at least act like I cared.
I repeatedly ordered myself to be cool, be optimistic, be open, till I fell asleep. It was the first night in weeks I didn't cry myself to sleep.
