A/N Thanks for reviewing again, Shaunna! It goes without saying how much I appreciate you!
They didn't get married when she was prego because Reg was still in school and Ascanius was obsessing over his family's image. Ascanius is still obsessive and murderous, but Leandra thinks that now that she's master crafter, Ascanius is more at ease. She doesn't know exactly how psycho her brother is. There's a lot of denial going around. Also she had nothing to her name. She was just a young crafter and the daughter of a blood-traitor. But now that she's master crafter, she has more 'daughter-in-law' appeal. Basically it wasn't the time to get married then, and now they think it's the time.
But is it really??? haha
Cold Feet
She thought her family would be happy with her and Regulus's decision. The mood was immediately hesitant and somber. Leandra could feel herself grow bothered, waiting for something from them, she tried to act calm. As if she hadn't come specifically for her parents' support. To appear nonchalant, she leafed through her father's record collection. He was always an avid music lover.
"We didn't think you would come to this decision," Lolita finally said.
"We hoped you wouldn't," her father remarked. They were in the drawing room, again at grandma Beatrice's house by Blackpool. Lolita and Beatrice sat on the couch. Her father was leaning against the frame of the fireplace, staring into the slow burning flames.
"It solves everything," she replied, quickly to defend her choice. "Getting married is the only way. People will talk but nothing's standing in our way once we marry."
"Everyone's going to talk and everyone's going to be watching," Dante stressed.
"Whatever," she grumbled. He stepped away from the fireplace. Leandra could see how scared he was, so worried. She looked down at the record covers again. Most of the bands were Muggle bands, the wizarding world, in amazing hypocrisy, had no problem accepting the arts of the Muggle world. "Reg, Corvus and me will be the perfect pureblood family of the modern age."
"But really you won't," Lolita said, in her polite assertive way. "It's obvious you two aren't stable. You two need to take more time thinking this through."
"What exactly did we forget to consider here, mother?" Leandra continued to digress into her teenage attitude.
"That marriage isn't the solution," her father shot back. He stepped behind Lolita, discreetly brushing his fingers through her raven hair. "It won't solve yours or Regulus's life."
"And how about Corvus's?" Leandra asked them. Beatrice was quiet, though she could tell that Beatrice wasn't on her side either. "Don't you think this will solve his life? I can't keep him hidden under the bed or behind a bookcase until he's an adult!"
"A child isn't enough to make a marriage work," Lolita told her.
"What is then?" Leandra just wanted them to try and tell her about families and marriages. She wanted the opportunity to remind them of how they started this all. How it was their fault and that she wasn't going to runaway just because things looked impossible. But her parents couldn't respond quickly enough. Someone else took control of the conversation.
"Do you want Corvus to grow up hateful and scared?" Beatrice asked, standing up. She was furious. "No? Then getting married to that boy and bringing Corvus into your life now will destroy him, Lee. Please tell me you're not so stupid that you believed it was as simple as a wedding."
Leandra felt her face grow hot. The fear crept back into her blood. It had never left; it was practically a part of her shadow at this point. A kiss from Regulus, a smile from Corvus, a touch from either… just something so small and flitting was enough to give her a fix. To make her feel safe and sane again…
She picked up an album, turning it over to read the list of songs. Beatrice was always blunt. She never let anyone get away with anything, but she began the biggest secret of all. Was Beatrice so stupid twenty-something years ago that she believed Dante and Lolita's lie could last?
Leandra still needed to answer. She could go into the argument. She could throw everything back at them, leave them speechless and defenseless. Who were they to judge her bad decisions? Or she could respond with a more subtle flare.
"No, I didn't think all I needed was a wedding," Leandra said slowly, her eyes on a song title. "I believed that all I needed was love."
The sarcasm was a disappointment.
The afternoon before this conversation, the last meeting before I was to wed Regulus Arcturus Black, I went shopping in Diagon Alley. I was at Gambol and Japes Wizarding Joke Shop, not shopping for myself; I was looking for a gift for Corvus. I was thinking a Jack-in-a-Box type gift might be nice. He enjoyed surprises and goofy faces. Peek-a-boo was his all-time favorite game, and once you started playing he wouldn't let the game end until he was passed out.
A Jack-In-a-Box was on the utmost shelf, and I wanted it. It was in a silver tin box, with pictures of white elephants and black panthers on the sides. The 'Jack' looked like a Genie, with a red ruby between his large, wide-opened eyes and he wore a silver-gold silk turban. All the others were too 'kiddish', Corvus was as good as a prince to me, more valuable than any sultan, and therefore he was going to be lavished with gifts suitable for his amazing-ness.
Only problem was… I couldn't quite reach it, even on my tiptoes. "I got it, Madame Crafter," someone was suddenly very close behind me and he reached above, effortlessly grabbing the Genie-in-a-Box. I knew his voice, and I immediately moved away from him. My heart was beating wildly. It was Sirius again, out of nowhere.
He looked at the toy; it looked so small in his hand. The last time I saw him, outside Eros's funeral, I didn't take the time to examine him. He was thinner looking than I remembered. There was stubble on his face, rings under his eyes and his hair wasn't as healthy looking anymore. He wasn't living so effortlessly anymore, I could tell, something was burdening him. And it wasn't just a bad girlfriend like me.
But when he looked up, smirking, it was like he never changed. The same shine existed in his eyes, in his smile and I was relieved to know this. "Sweetheart, haven't I told you before, I can be the genie to grant all your wild dreams," he said.
My lips sprang into a grin, even though I wish I wouldn't encourage him. But something in me couldn't resist. "Thank you," I held out my hand. Sirius chuckled.
"Wow, I didn't think it would be that easy to get you back, Stirling."
"Give me the damn toy, Black." He obeyed, matching my scowl with his devilish grin.
"So who's the lucky brat?" he asked me. I wanted to warn him never to refer to my child as a 'brat', but revealing Corvus to my ex-boyfriend would be awkward. "You're not getting this for that Malfoy spawn? It's not even here yet."
"Not, it's for a child in Berlin," I answered. I looked at the toy. It was perfect.
"Berlin? Isn't that where Reggie's headed?" Sirius asked abruptly.
"How did you know?" I asked urgently.
"I've been keeping my ear to the ground," he said mysteriously, his eyes scanning the store. We were safe, unless the children in the store were secretly spies for my brother or the Dark Lord. I frowned, realizing that this might be a possibility one day. "And I spoke to your parents the other day, asked about you."
I felt guilty, knowing that he asked about me when he didn't have to worry about me anymore. "Oh."
"So you're finally with Reggie Weggie?" he said, sounding slightly bitter. "Was it everything you thought it would be?"
I wondered if he knew how soon we were together after I broke up with him. I hoped he didn't, and when he found out about Corvus, I really, really hoped he wouldn't take the time to do the math.
"Stirling, you're amazingly dense," he told me. "After everything you're still hooked on him. What kind of life are you expecting with him?"
"Sirius, please-"
"I just hope you wake up before you marry that idiot," he said, again checking the faces around us. We were in the back of the store, where the boring merchandise was. The kids stocking up on prank-supplies were at the front, keeping the storekeeper busy.
"Is this why you're here?" I wanted to know. Did he naturally assume I was going to marry Regulus, or did my parents tell him? How much did he know about me? I knew nothing about him. It was smarter that way.
"Course, Stirling. Did you think I was shopping for trick fireworks or something?"
"A girl can only hope," I said dryly.
Sirius gave me a pained look. "I thought you were gunna get out of here, Stirling."
"Out of here? Where would I go?"
He shrugged. "Somewhere safe."
"I can be safe here. And I like it here, it's home."
"He might really love you," he started slowly; it was difficult for him to even think his brother could be genuine. That he could feel real, radical, wild and reckless love. He probably thought he would only be destined for that. "But he's not the most safest situations right now."
"What do you mean?"
"Some of his buddies," he scorned, "have been suspecting him of falling behind."
"Stop being cryptic, give me names," I demanded. I would personally deal with them. "Regulus is fine, like he's always been."
Again he shrugged, but I could tell he's not been able to 'shrug' this off his mind lately. "Death Eaters usually like throwing their friends under the bus. Makes them look good. But still, he's being talked about. They say he's been absent a lot, and now he's going to Berlin."
I took a deep breath, gripping onto the toy. "We'll be fine," I told him and myself.
"Leandra," he was suddenly close, his hand over mine, his head bowed to me, "When push comes to shove, Regulus won't stand up to anyone. Regulus won't protect you, he'll just take you down with him."
I pulled away from him, my eyes stinging. How could he say that? He didn't know Regulus at all. For all his honesty, he didn't even know the people in his own family! Why did everyone have to make up lies about their relatives and stick to them, despite the fact that they only made things worse? "You're wrong," I told him, voice faintly quivering.
"I wish I was," he whispered, "I wish he was enough for you, I really do."
"I love him, Sirius," I declared, finally being honest with him. "And he loves me."
"Yeah, but… think about it," he struggled, for the first time since I really knew him, with words, "If he gets you killed or if you just end up marrying him and have his babies, think of all those blokes you won't meet."
I glared at him. Was he really trying to unnerve with such a lame cliché about marriage? He dug his hands into the pockets of his dirty, torn jeans. Glancing about, I got a sense that he was avoiding looking me in the eyes.
"All those blokes who might… could… love you more."
I thought about how it ended with Sirius and me. It was good at parts, and yes, I could have 'gone somewhere else' but something kept me from taking that leap. It was Regulus.
She looked out the window of her bedroom. There were two nights left of the winter holiday and just five nights they had their first kiss. Their first kiss that quickly turned into a snog-fest, the memory of it made her cringe with humiliation. She never thought she would be that girl at a party, but then again everyone else seemed too wrapped up to really care about her and Sirius.
She looked out the window of her bedroom because she heard pebbles thrown from below. She was staying at Eros's house with him and his wife; her room was the smallest in the obnoxiously large house. Leandra had to put her glasses on to make out who was down below. "Sirius? What are you doing here?"
"Rehearsing for Romeo and Juliet."
"He never threw pebbles at her balcony."
"You know, it's cold out here," he said. He was a black coat and jeans. She also noted that he was wearing his Gryffindor scarf and gloves.
"You know, it's winter."
He laughed. She grinned and disappeared for a moment. She then appeared outside, before Sirius, dressed for whatever outing he obviously had planned.
To match his House spirit, she had her Slytherin scarf and gloves, and earmuffs. Her hair was pulled back in a loose ponytail and she wore her glasses. For a moment she felt self-conscious, she knew he was here because of New Years, but what did that night mean? What did she want it to mean? She had to tell herself to get a grip, to just relax and trust that whatever Sirius had planned, it was going to be fun.
He held out his hand for her and she took it. She liked the way he was looking at her. "Have you ever been to Paris?"
"'Course I have," she smirked, but then she was shocked, "Why?"
"Oh I dunno," he teased, "Maybe because I have two helmets, a motorcycle and a craving for crepes."
"You want to go to Paris for crepes?"
"As a member of the Black dynasty, I only accept the best."
"Well, you'll be eating alone," she slipped her hand out of his, "because my uncle will kill me if I'm not at his beck and call tomorrow morning."
"I'll get you back before dawn," he promised.
"How?"
"Magic," he grinned as he drew closer to her. Her eyes fluttered as she sensed his lips hovering over hers. She wanted the kiss, and he was toying with her. Maybe he was testing out whether she had the guts to kiss first.
She pressed her lips against his.
I packed up my things for the weekend. A letter had been sent just an hour ago, warning my family that I was arriving early. I had to get out of England. My parents didn't want me to go, Sirius didn't want me to go… Was this really that big of a mistake? People were actually joining forces to convince me it was!
Thinking about my parents, about Beatrice and how they criticized me for being 'stupid' really made my blood boil. I slammed my suitcase shut, harder than necessary but it felt better this way.
I planned on wearing an off-white dress for the ceremony. Our witness will be my eighteenth cousin or something, Brutus Stirling. Yes, I realize that it seem ironic that I would trust someone named Brutus, but he was a genuine man, just unfortunately named. Many could relate to that.
Brutus was also going to be given management of the Berlin Tower. He didn't know any of this.
Edgar will also be there, obviously, and Corvus too. Regulus is supposed to have the rings. I want Corvus to be the ring-bearer.
Apparently a week ago he took his first step. I cried for a whole hour when I found out. I was upset with myself for missing it but I was so proud and happy for him.
Edgar says that he can tell that Corvus misses me.
I stopped moving around my room. My mind was all over the place. It was just a weekend. But it was the weekend that will change my life forever. It will be a final type of change.
"Somewhere else."
The words just popped out. I sat down on my bed. Under my pillow was the only picture I dared to carry of Corvus. It was him crawling at my feet, smiling and laughing, loving my attention and ecstatic about life. I looked at that picture.
I remembered Beatrice's warning. Was he destined to be hateful and scared? I couldn't imagine him like that. I didn't want to. Maybe I was stupid; maybe I wasn't seeing things straight… I just assumed I would solve things with Corvus. I just assumed I could always keep ahead…
But it wasn't just me running.
My father suggested that I take Corvus and move out of England. I asked what they expected Regulus to do then. They didn't have an answer to that. They didn't think it was necessary to factor him in. Regulus was dead weight to their great escape plan.
"If he's a rational boy," Beatrice said haughtily, "and he actually loves Corvus as you claim, then he should understand. This is the only way, Lee."
She tried imagining leaving Regulus behind forever. And then she tried imagining all three of them running away together. She couldn't see either scenarios happening.
When push comes to shove…
I love Corvus so completely. I will do anything for him, but the idea of leaving everything behind… Was it really that necessary? Ascanius was happy now. I was at the head of the Stirling Tower. I will be married to a very prestigious pureblood family and have a son.
But it was no guarantee. Ascanius was only happy when the Dark Lord was happy with him. He'll try to micromanage Corvus's upbringing. He'll want to instill his prejudices and hate… and what if Corvus disappoints?
I can protect him. Regulus will protect us too. I couldn't doubt him or myself. England was Corvus's home. His families are here. He deserves to have a history! Yes this was a war, and I can understand why my parents want me to be drastic. But this war will end one day, and I don't want to be left with nothing to give Corvus.
So yes, I was going to marry Regulus Black.
As I left for Berlin and for Regulus, I thought about Paris at night. I thought about driving off on a motorcycle. Where did this come from?
"It's cold feet," I said confidently.
A/N Did you really think I forgot this is suppose to be a Sirius/Leandra/Regulus fic??? haha There's a little flavor of something...
