Context: Cathy's about five months pregnant.
18 Weeks
The bed was…cold. At least, the other side of it was. But why? She should be there, safe in his arms, her back pressed against him. Where was she? He opened his eyes, not fully awake yet, panicking.
And then it all came back in a rush, making his shoulders sag a little, his mouth turning down at the corners. He laid back against the mattress, his face in his hands; he most definitely remembered why he was alone up here.
Almost five more months had gone by. Cathy's stomach was growing bigger, as well as her temper. He knew it wasn't her fault, not really, but he didn't like seeing her this way. He had to make frequent trips to the grocery store or McDonald's, and every morning she went to the bathroom to be sick for ten minutes. He noticed that her ankles were red and swollen, and she was getting a rash all over her arms. And she loved to complain about her lower back was killing her.
He tried his hardest to be supportive. She knew he was, and she'd thank him whenever she got the chance. It just broke his heart every time she was in one of her moods and she pushed him away, almost like she was saying she didn't need him. No matter how many times he told himself that wasn't true, it was hard to say otherwise when she gave him the death glare.
Like tonight, for instance. She'd been craving close to everything on the menu at the local Chinese restaurant, so the kitchen table had been littered with open white fold-up containers, their contents half-eaten. She'd complained of heartburn shortly after she'd finished, so he'd gotten her painkillers.
That was where things went wrong. He'd given her the pills, and hastily hugged her, hoping to make her feel a bit better. He should have known not to touch her like that.
"Goddammit! You think I'm stupid, don't you? Just because I'm pregnant, I'm weak?"
"I never even -"
"Shut up, Jamie! I know how your mind works!" Tears had fallen down her face. "You don't love me like that. You don't. You got what you wanted, so why are you still here?"
He froze, trying his hardest not to cry, not when she was upset. Her words were hurtful, to say the least, but he wasn't about to work her up any more than she already was.
"Just…leave me the hell alone." She marched into the living room, plopping down on the couch. She turned on the TV. "I'm sleeping down here for the night."
"Sweetie, the doctor said -"
"I DON'T GIVE A FUCK WHAT THE DOCTOR SAID." She gritted her teeth. "What did I say? Leave me alone, Jamie."
He hadn't meant to, but his temper boiled, and he found himself saying, "Fine, if you hate me so much, why don't I leave, then? Why don't I find my own place?"
"Oh, shocking. You wanting to leave me." She shook her head, flipping through the channels. "Why are you still here? You got what you wanted out of me a while ago."
"Maybe it's because I love you, Cathy! I married you, didn't I? Ever think of that?" His voice rose, and he found it harder to fight back the tears. "I don't care how angry you get at me! I love you. I love our little baby, and I'll do whatever it takes to make you both happy. But if you don't want me here, then I'll go! Is that what you want?!"
She bit her lip, turning back to the TV, signalling that the discussion was over. He'd pounded up the stairs, slamming the bedroom door shut and crawling under the covers. Only then did he break down and cry.
His mum had warned him about female hormones soon after she'd heard about the pregnancy. She'd actually taken him shopping for books and made him take notes on what not to do if Cathy was in a bad mood. At the very top of the list was "Never shout back, no matter how angry you may feel."
He tried his hardest to stop crying, to calm down and go downstairs and apologize. But her words prevented him from uncurling from around himself. A little part of his mind was convinced that she wanted him out of her life, that maybe he only wanted her for sex, that he'd have to leave soon and go back to selling drugs for money.
Jamie took a deep breath, letting the air out slowly through his mouth. All that wasn't going to burden him any longer. He knew, deep down, that he loved Cathy, and she loved him. She was just in a bad mood; it would get better once she'd calmed down.
That didn't stop the next wave of tears that eventually lulled him to sleep.
So here he was, at 1:05 in the morning, all alone in their room, wishing she was there with him. He didn't care how pissed off she was at him. He wanted her to know he still cared. That he'd always care.
He stood up, stretching a bit before slowly walking down the stairs and into the living room. Cathy had fallen asleep sitting up, the TV still on. As he turned it off, he saw dry tear lines running down her face.
Jamie carefully lifted her up, trying not to think about how heavy she'd gotten. He began the slow, painful walk back up the stairs, enduring the dull pain in his arms and sighing in relief when he finally reached the door.
He gently laid her on the bed, making sure her pillows were elevated, and pulled the sheets over her. After settling back into bed, he brushed a stray lock of hair out of her face, cautiously moving closer.
You could never tell how angry she'd get just by watching her sleep. She was always so quiet, looked so peaceful. He lay his head in the crook of her neck and gently placed a hand over her stomach.
"Good night, baby," he whispered, rubbing his wife's belly. "Good night, Cathy." He brushed his lips over her cheek, then closed his eyes and fell back asleep.
"Jamie…Jamie, wake up."
He opened his eyes to see Cathy's staring right back at him. He didn't flinch away; he was ready for whatever she decided to -
She was kissing him. Hard.
Well, that was unexpected.
"I'm so sorry about last night," she said, hugging him. "I'm so sorry, Jamie."
"It's alright," he said, pulling her closer. "I'm fine -"
"No, you're not." She shyly looked up at him. "I was out of line. I never should have…I didn't mean to say…it just…" She broke off, crying into his shoulder. "Please don't leave. Please."
He sighed, stroking her hair. "Cathy, I'm not going anywhere. You don't have to apologize, because I wasn't any better."
"But I…I told you that you didn't…" Her hold tightened slightly. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, sweetheart…I love you."
"It's okay," he whispered. "I love you, too. Just…"
"Just what?" She pulled away, eyes still wet with tears.
"Promise me I don't have to carry you up the stairs again. My arms are still sore."
His words reached his brain a moment too late, and he braced himself for however she decided to handle this. Whatever happened, he knew he deserved it this time.
The most beautiful sound he'd ever heard reached his ears just then: his wife's laugh. Cathy's shoulders were shaking with giggles, her face splitting into the most genuine smile he'd seen in a long time.
He felt his own mouth twitching upward, and soon he, too, was laughing. The two of them hugged each other, content to lie there and enjoy the simple beauty of being together.
"Was I really that heavy?" she asked once they'd calmed down.
"Nah. But that one's putting on some weight, I will say that." He gave a pointed look at her stomach.
"I go in for an ultrasound this afternoon. I was going to go by myself, but…" She locked her gaze with his before dropping her eyes. "If you'd like to come with me, you can."
He vaguely remembered her doing this before, shortly after she'd told him she was pregnant. She'd gone with her mum and Emma; they hadn't said much about it, and what he'd heard them say he didn't really understand.
"You…you want me to go with you? Really?"
She nodded. "We'll probably be able to see the little guy better." She smiled a bit. "Mum was complaining about how she couldn't see a thing, the baby was so small."
"Do I…need to do anything?"
"Well, you can't mind seeing me naked from the waist down." She smirked.
"Is that all?"
She nodded.
"Well, then, you should have invited me a long time ago," he said quietly, smiling and leaning forward to kiss her.
He stood back and let Cathy do the talking. He didn't like being at the hospital; he suspected it would take him a long time before he felt comfortable being back among the sterile smell and the fluorescent lights.
The doctor took her weight and her blood pressure first before telling her it would take around thirty minutes to smear gel all over her stomach and rub some sort of device called a transducer over it. Why it was going to be that long, he didn't know, but he figured questioning wouldn't be a smart idea. It was probably best to stay quiet.
Cathy was in a hospital gown, laying on the metal table in the middle of the room. The doctor asked her some questions about her back pain and her rash, and then she was asked to pull the gown up. Jamie felt his neck and cheeks grow warm at the sight of her exposed skin, much like they always did when he and Cathy were -
"Jamie?" She'd turned her head to look at him. "You don't have to stand over there all by yourself," she said, giving him a kind smile.
He moved to stand by her head, not quite sure what to do. He watched as the doctor spread the gel over Cathy's abdomen, then moved the transducer over the gel. A black-and-white grainy image appeared on the screen by the table. All Jamie could make out were dots.
"Baby's around five-and-a-half inches long by now," the doctor said. "Weighs around seven ounces. You should start feeling some movements in the womb. They might be a bit strong, considering this is your first pregnancy and your build is small."
"I've been feeling something," Cathy admitted with a slight frown. "I thought it might be gas bubbles."
Jamie's head shot up. "You…you might have felt…"
"I don't know if I did," she said, an apologetic look in her eyes. "I wanted to tell you when I was absolutely certain."
"You probably won't know for sure for another week or two," the doctor said. "And even then, you might not be able to feel it from the outside."
Jamie felt his heart sink when he felt Cathy grab for his hand. "Jamie, honey. Look at the screen!"
He couldn't see it at first. It still looked like a mass of dots. But as he looked longer, he finally saw it. There was no mistaking the little bean shape displayed there.
"That's the head," the doctor informed them. "And I think you can make out the body, as well."
Jamie grasped Cathy's hand tighter, unable to take his eyes off of the little gray blob. A voice in his head repeated over and over: That's your child. Right there. That's the life you made with Cathy.
It was absolutely beautiful.
"Can you tell if it's a boy or a girl?" he heard himself asking.
"At the moment, no," the doctor answered. "When Mrs. Bradley comes in for the third trimester ultrasound, we should be able to."
Jamie hardly remembered a thing that was said after that. When he recalled that day, all he could say about it was that he kept his eyes on the head of the baby, periodically looked down at Cathy to smile through his tears, and didn't let go of her hand until he had to.
She had to sleep on her side from now on. Jamie made sure to put extra pillows on her side of the bed, since he knew she'd have trouble falling asleep. He was walking toward the closet to get another pillowcase when Cathy rushed in.
"Jamie! Give me your hand right now!" She was breathing heavily, and he guessed she'd been downstairs.
He'd done something wrong, hadn't he? He sighed. "Cathy, I'm sorry -"
"No, sweetie, just…" She grabbed his left hand, spreading it over her stomach. "Wait a moment, alright?"
He had a feeling what she was trying to do, and smiled sadly at her. He wouldn't feel anything for a while, so he didn't see what -
There.
There it was.
He felt his eyes widen.
"Oh, my…"
"See?" Cathy bounced on her heels. "Try talking. The doctor says babies around the 5-month mark start to respond to voices."
"What…what do I say?"
"I don't know." She sat on the edge of the bed, pulling him with her. "Just say something and see what happens."
He swallowed, leaning forward, feeling a bit ridiculous. "Hello," he said quietly. "Um…I'm Jamie. I'm…I'm your dad. And…I'm really excited to see you."
He wrinkled his nose after he'd said it, but there it was again. The little flutter against Cathy's skin. He couldn't help but smile.
"You excited, too? Well, I guess I can't blame you." He winked at Cathy. "I mean, I'm a pretty fantastic guy."
"You'd better get used to that," Cathy said, speaking to the baby. "He's rather full of himself."
"I'm not all bad. I mean, sure, your mum gives me a hard time, but that's just because of her hormones. If we weren't having you, she'd probably shag me right now, in fact."
"Jamie!"
"What?"
Cathy rolled her eyes. "Language."
"I'm just saying the truth." He laughed, turning back to the bump. "She really is crazy for me. And…and I'm probably even crazier for her." He reached out his free hand, lightly grazing Cathy's cheek with his fingertips. "She's the most beautiful, amazing woman I've ever met. You're very lucky she's your mum."
Cathy moved nearer to him, her eyes shining and her face lit up with a radiant smile. He leaned forward and kissed her gently, a lovely wave of warmth washing over him.
Each of them kept a hand on her belly for the remainder of the night, and if they were lucky, they'd be able to faintly feel the slightest flutter of their baby.
