Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, I'm not Stephenie Meyer, and I also don't own the song.
A/N: Whew! They full Emo Edward chapter! I gotta say, it's now one of my favorite chapters. I love it, and I hope you guys will too. I knew it was going to be short though...but I already have the next chapter typed and it's longer! I promise!
Chapter 27: 10 Years Later With the Cullen's
Song: Here Without You by 3 Doors Down
A hundred days have made me older
Since the last time that I saw your pretty face
A thousand lies have made me colder
And I don't think I can look at this the same
But all the miles that separate
Disappear now when I'm dreaming of your face
I'm here without you baby
But you're still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby
And I dream about you all the time
I'm here without you baby
But you're still with me in my dreams
And tonight it's only you and me, yeah
The miles just keep rollin'
As the people leave their way to say hello
I've heard this life is overrated
But I hope that it gets better as we go, oh yeah yeah
I'm here without you baby
But you're still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby
And I dream about you all the time
I'm here without you baby
But you're still with me in my dreams
And tonight girl it's only you and me
Everything I know and anywhere I go
It gets hard but it won't take away my love
And when the last one falls, when it's all said and done
It gets hard but it won't take away my love, whoa
I'm here without you baby
But you're still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby
And I dream about you all the time
I'm here without you baby
But you're still with me in my dreams
And tonight girl it's only you and me, yeah oh yeah oh
Edward POV
My life was not good. No matter how hard Emmett tried, I was almost never in a good mood. I wasn't mad or angry, just sad or depressed. I couldn't get Bella out of my mind. I guess I didn't exactly try to, though. I held on to my human memories as hard as I could, until they were ingrained in my mind and played over and over in my head, like a movie, even when I didn't want it to. Even though most of my memories were good ones (because Bella was there), they reminded me that what I wanted – and needed – most was something that I couldn't have. I could only see her, hear her, touch her in my memories. They reminded me that I would never have Bella again. Ever.
My memories told me this daily, and ten years slowly passed. I felt all 10 years. I felt all 120 months. I felt all 3652 days. I felt all 87,658 hours. I felt all 5,259,487 minutes. I felt all 315,569,260 seconds. I knew from everyone's thoughts that they didn't. This was barely a dent in the time that they had and will continue to have on this world. But not me. I had nothing to live for, so every minute felt like it should be my last. I wanted them to be my last. But they continued coming, the minutes. I kept living.
Even though my life was agony, I tried not to show it. I'd play Emmett's little games and plaster a fake smile on my face for the duration. I'd still play the piano for Esme. I forced myself to read and study, to try to keep my mind off of things. There was always a section of my mind that was always on Bella, though; a part of my mind that never got relief from the depression.
Music eventually stopped helping. It used to be able to take my mind other places, away from the torture. But it came to the point where every single song reminded me of a different memory with Bella. It was like getting punched in the face twice. Once being the Memory Movie always playing in the back of my mind, twice being the memories that come to the surface when I listen to music.
And yet I put myself through that anyway. I can't live without music, and I don't want to forget Bella.
I thought of ways I could kill myself. I had no reason to live, and everyday seemed like torture. Unfortunately, the only way to kill a vampire is to tear them apart and burn the pieces. I couldn't exactly do that by myself, and none of the Cullen's would help me.
Sometimes when Carlisle would catch a glimpse of how depressed I really was, he'd think the word "Volturi", though this must have been a slip because every time his thoughts trailed that way, he'd quickly shield them so I couldn't find out what this "Volturi" meant.
I tried to train myself to stay out of everyone's heads, but it was extremely difficult to do, and it was never completely silent.
I felt like even more of an outcast because I was the only family member with powers. Carlisle said that powers weren't rare. Not common, but not unheard of. He's met some other vampire's with powers. He said one, Aro, had an ability like mine, but much more powerful and refined. He also met one vampire, Marcus, that could sense relationships. He mentioned a few others as well.
It made me feel better that I wasn't the only one to have a power, but it still pushed me out a little in our family. Nobody actually did anything to make me feel that was, but with as much free time as I have, I got to thinking about it.
Thinking about things so much, it got to the point where I was becoming paranoid. It wasn't like some people's paranoia, where they think everyone is looking at them and talking about them. With my mind reading, I knew they weren't (well, sometimes I did catch people looking and thinking about me, but I knew this was because I was different. "Handsome", "Hot", some thought. If only they knew what I really was…) No, my paranoia was about Bella. I saw her everywhere. Every brunette, I imagined was her. None compared to her beauty, but always in that quick glance, I saw her face, her body. Sometimes I'd even call out Bella's name and chase after the brunette, until I realized it wasn't really Bella. Of course. It's never really Bella. Bella's dead. I'd think to myself.
For a few years in the middle of that first decade, I left the Cullen's. I'd go to cities, hide in the day, and come out at night. I'd wander the dark alleyways of LA and other such big cities. I'd stalk the dark, looking for criminals. I'd always eventually find a male or something trying to murder or rape an innocent female. The criminals were my meals. "The dark avenger" one woman called me. I would never drink the human while the victims were still there, though.
"Oh, thank you sir!" The female would cry while the male (whose neck I would snap) lay dead on the ground.
"Dark alleyways are no place for anyone. Predators wait here for people like you." I'd tell the female.
"Oh, I won't come down here again! Thank you! Is there anything I can do for you?" She'd ask. No unless you want to be dessert.
"No, nothing. Just get yourself home. I'll call the police." I would say. She'd thank me once more as she ran away. Of course I wouldn't call the police, I'd have my meal.
Not all the females would react like this though. Some would scream and run. Those were the ones that could see the monster inside me. Those were the ones I liked.
Though, not all of the victims I could get to in time. Some were already dead when I found them. I'd smell the blood. At that point, the murderer was usually taking any money or jewelry off their victims or already gone. Those times, I'd have them both. It made me feel a little bad to eat the victim, but if they were already dead, why waste good blood?
This lifestyle eventually got to me. Each human drunken was a seed in me. Eventually the seeds added up, and started to grow. The evil started to grow. I could feel the monster in me. The true monster that didn't care if the meal was an innocent or a criminal. Every day the monster rose a little more to the surface. Soon I realized I couldn't continue on "living" like that. I went back to the Cullen's, to my family. They welcomed me back with open arms, and got me back to my "vegetarian" status. I swore to never taste human blood again. I knew that one more drop of human blood could me the monster rise to the surface with a swift and fiery vengeance. I can't say I was never tempted; living among humans, I was tempted everyday. But since that brief time in my life, I never face in to the temptation.
I got better in that sense. I kept my demons down. But my depression because of my missing Bella never weakened its hold on me. I always felt her absence and I still wanted to give up, to die.
My life was awful agony, torture. Especially with Bella absent from my side.
A/N: Haha, did anyone catch my Angel reference?
