Authors note: Sorry for the long wait on this update. I'm doing the best i can at the moment. My life has been a little hectic and i can not spend as much time as i like doing what i love. I hope to be finishing this story sometime here soon. So stay tuned and thanks for reading. :D


Clarissa

Over the course of many moons i was now more a prisoner than i had ever been. Jonathan kept me locked in the east side tower. I was under guard every moment of my day. I was not permitted to leave the tower, i was not inclined to do anything but watch out from my window. The air blew in carrying the scent of flowers. Oh how i longer to visit my garden again. From outside the window i could see the servants running around. They looked like tiny ants from up here. This was the only entertainment to be had in my tower room.

How funny that most princess stories have to due with towers. What irony that was now that i too, was locked away. I did not have long hair that my rescuer could climb. I had no vines that would let me escape. There was no way out of this dismal room except through the main door. There was no hope there, it was locked. Only my brother and his leader of the Kingsguard had access to this room. William was the one who brought me my daily water and bread. This man scared me.

William Starkweather was a handsome man. His face would make any girl swoon. His bronze hair and good natured eyes were a rare thing to behold. I knew otherwise of the darkness inside his heart. He wore a mask. A mask that only a few could ever reveal the truth underneath. He put on his good natured face for people that mattered, for people he needed to conceal his nature. He didn't wear that mask when he was around me. His blue eyes were cold in my presence. I could see no life within them. I had tried at first to beg to be allowed to at least stretch my legs. It gets damp up in this tower.

William had denied me that, he denied me even a few words of comfort. He would not speak to me. He would not engage me in any way. He brought my bread and water, dropped it on the table, and away he went. There was one time a few nights ago that i had seen just a flicker of something in his eyes. I had not expected him to come that late in the night. I had not received my food and i didn't think i ever would. The moon was shining high in the sky. It was way past the time for my meals.

I was undressed when he came into the room. I had not heard the key scratch inside the lock. I had turned, my hands covering my breasts to find him there in the doorway. His eyes took me in, they traveled over my covered breasts and down to the swell of my belly. I was now beginning to show the marks of motherhood. My pregnancy could not be hidden anymore. His eyes had shown some kind of emotion as he took in my belly. I could not fathom what he meant by it.

It only lasted a few moments. William tore his eyes from my stomach and dropped the tray at its usual spot. He turned and left the room without a second glance. I couldn't eat that night. I covered myself and laid on the small straw mattress that was provided for me. I had tried to forget that i was pregnant. That i had a child growing inside me. I wanted to forget that anything like this had ever happened. His eyes on my stomach were sinister. I could tell he had some fascination with my bulging stomach. What could he mean by that?

I had laid awake half the night running my hands over my swollen belly. Every so often i could feel something moving under my hands. It brought a smile and also a tear to my eye. I didn't know what lived inside me. It could be a monster with twisted clawed hands, or it could be a perfectly normal healthy baby. Jace's or Jonathan's. I really didn't want to think what any of it could mean. It was not many moons after i had known i was pregnant. My belly was now rounder and larger than ever.

I could not deny it any longer. I was indeed with child. It would also not be long before this child was born. I was being kept under close watch. Jonathan had told me his reasons.

I don't want anyone knowing your pregnant. If the child is not mine, i can not stomach anyone knowing that you bore someone else's son. I can not say it died in childbirth because no son of mine would succumb to that. We must keep you hidden. Its for your own good.

I had been locked away ever since.

There was not much to do inside the tower except think. I had not been given any books or anything to occupy my mind. I was slowly going crazy. I seen no one except for William, and even that man was not someone i wanted to see. What i really wanted was to be free. I wanted Jace by my side and-

Jace...

I tried not to think about Jace. He left a ragged hole inside my heart. I was so sure that he would have came back for me. I was so sure that he would have came for me already. It had been moons since i had seen him. Moons since i had heard his voice. I had acknowledged that Jace was not coming back. He would have been here already if that were the case. He would not have left me here in this place, would he? I liked to think that he wouldn't. That something important was keeping him away. But what was more important than me?

I had no answers to my questions and no one was around to ask. I was all alone inside my head and nobody to comfort me. I spent my days looking out the window. That was all i ever managed to do. My hair was a scraggly mess that i kept corded at the nape of my neck. I didn't want anything to do with it. My father had loved me for my hair, i despised the feel of it. It reminded me of all that i was, and all that i lost. I was now treated even worse than i had before.

I should have ran when i had the chance.

I should have slipped past the guards at the gate and just kept running. We had a plan to leave, Jace and i, but it was rendered useless by my brother. He had taken everything from me that i had ever held dear. My hair, my love, my body. There was nothing that i had that Jonathan had not corrupted. If this was Jonathan's baby, what was i going to do?

Would Jace even look at me now? Would my pregnant tummy turn him away? Would the thought of my brothers hands on me drive him away in disgust? He knew that Jonathan was my husband, he had to know what goes on. I had no choice in the matter. I did not make love to Jonathan, i only made love with Jace. But what did it matter anyway? It was not like Jace was coming back.

I had grown bitter.

I was angry at the fact that he had just left me here. That i was left to rot in this god forsaken place. No one had come to rescue me. Magnus's secret order was nothing but lies. He had promised me that Jace was alive. If Jace was alive, then where was he? I had not seen or heard any word since all that. It was like i was left alone in the dark. I was cast adrift and i had no idea where i was even heading. I was alone.

Each day was the same old routine. I awoke and sat by the window. Watching life go on around me yet i was stationary. I tried to keep my spirits up. I tried to keep calm and think of a plan. But nothing would come to me. I only had William's meal visits and occasionally my brother would stop in. Those visits i hated the most. He always made my skin crawl. It was getting harder and harder to fight him. My will to do anything was slowly dying out. I had lost all hope.

Jonathan would come to me. His robe wrapped around himself. I knew better than to believe that i was the only woman he had been with. He usually visited me smelling like a woman's perfume. I had hoped that he would bother himself with them and leave me alone. Alas, this was not the case. He visited me often enough that i knew there was no escaping him.

"Take of your dress, sister." he said.

My hands shook as i unbuttoned all the buttons. I let the dress fall from my body. My breasts heavy and sore, they had grown a little in size. Jonathan was keen on squeezing them too hard.

"Get on your knees." he commanded.

He didn't want it anyway else. Said the sight of my belly sickened him. I was glad for the excuse not to look at his face. For someone so sickened at my round stomach, he sure did enjoy fucking a pregnant girl.

I tried my best to block out each night with him. I tried, at first, to fight him but it did no good. He outweighed me and he was stronger than he looked. A slap to the head usually kept me compliant. Jonathan was not above putting his hands on a pregnant girl. Jonathan was not above anything. What he wanted, he got.

I laid in bed, my hands trailing softly over my belly. My breasts were sore and i knew that it was almost time. It would not be long before this child was born. There was no word from Jace, or anyone else. I didn't think that anyone was coming. I just couldn't believe that Jace had left me here. Had left me in a place where he knew evil thrived. He knew my brother firsthand and yet...i was still here. I was locked in a tower with no way out. I was treated like an animal. I was the Morgenstern Princess, yet here i was. No one was coming for me.

Did he even love me? I was so sure that he did. I was so sure that our feelings were mutual. I was so confident in the fact that Jace and i were meant to be. But what if i was wrong? What kind of man left me here in the hands of someone like my brother? How could he do that? How could Magnus leave me under his care. I had not seen Magnus since that fateful attempt at my life. It was as if everyone had disappeared. I was now more alone than i had ever been.

I dreaded another day. I dreaded when my son was to be born. I dreaded the very moment in time where i discovered who the father of my son was. Because if it was my brother who begat this seed inside me. I honestly didn't know how i could love it. It was a son born from rape and violence. How could i look into his eyes and feel love? Love for a child that was never meant to be?

On the other hand, what if it was Jace's. A man who had deserted me when i needed him the most. I valued that life more than the other. Jonathan would not see that it lived long outside of my womb. The son i wanted the most would be taken from me. I would have no choice. I would have to live the rest of my days longing for the son that was taken from me. I didn't think i could live like that.

Whatever happened between me and Jace, i couldn't forget the love i felt. The burning longing and the peace i felt when i was with him. Whether he was now dead, or far away gone, it would not change how i felt about him. Even though i had been deserted, i did not desert him. My heart simply would not allow it.