Chapter 29
Perceptual Experiences in Direct Opposition to Those in Power (MU)
"I told you we should have asked security to come with us." Tucker fired his phase pistol again. "I'm going to work my way around behind them, you keep them busy."
"Be careful." T'Pol hadn't taken his comments seriously. When she insisted her people were not violent and would not resort to kidnapping or worse as Tucker had suggested, he acquiesced without further protest.
"Always. I just spent weeks mastering not getting shot remember." But his training was supposed to be about fighting the Empire but so far he'd been fighting supposed members of the resistance.
"Commander Tucker." Tucker couldn't locate the voice but he knew who it was.
"Mickey glad you could make it. There's three of them. All Vulcan. Two about 10 meters back behind that statue and another one in that doorway to the right." Lt. Commander Mikakalas, was the new Rigelian Head of Security on Defiant, or Mickey as Tucker had started calling him during his time training his squad these last several weeks.
"You couldn't wait till we broke orbit before kivetching someone off?"
Translator didn't translate every word in every language but Tucker had no trouble figuring out what he meant. "All I did was go see a doctor. Can't help it if they don't like me."
"If this is just because they don't like you we really need to do something about your people skills. Although I'm told the Vulcan's can be rather intolerant, when they feel one has done something to dishonor their heritage."
"I guess they don't think they can trust a human." Tucker finally saw where the Rigelian was positioned.
That was most likely the problem here the security officer reasoned. "Count to twenty and then you take care of the guy in the doorway and we'll take care of the other two." He needed time to maneuver for a clear shot at the two Vulcans. From what he could see they were members of the Council's elite guard.
"Two more to your left T'Pol." Tucker yelled as the Vulcans came into view. He watched her step out and fire at the moving targets. Hitting one in the side.
Tucker hit his comm badge. "Mickey I spotted two on the roof. Can you handle the ground?"
"Yeah I brought backup. They should be in position any minute. Do what you have to do and we'll cover you." This was serious if the Vulcans were sending elite soldiers in these numbers after them.
Backup and having someone cover him were new concepts for Tucker. His squad and now the crew of Defiant had all pledged to defend each other. The weeks of training had been difficult because along with survival he was trying to unlearn his previous training, which said watch your back and never trust the guy standing next to you because he most likely was there to see that you didn't make it back alive. More often than not they'd had more extensive fighting and weapons training than Tucker, but that was no longer the case.
His and T'Pol's lives depended on them so trust was going to have to be a given until they gave him reason not to trust them. "Make sure no one gets near Commander T'Pol."
"Vulcans start survival training as soon as they can walk. She scored 95% and above on every test we gave her and could kick my ass on her worst day."
Tucker snapped at him letting loose a small portion of the anger he was holding in. "I know she can take care of herself but you make damn sure nothing happens to her. Understood."
The Rigelian feeling the sting of his order was glad it came through the comm and not in person. He'd heard that Tucker and the Vulcan were involved but he hadn't believed it until now. "Yes, sir." A human and a Vulcan. That really was the explanation everyone was looking for as to why the engineer betrayed the Terrans.
---
"Who wants to go first?" Captain Vorack waited.
Tucker stood there arms clenched tightly around his chest, watching his new captain waiting, trying to decide which one of them he would yell at first. The engineer shifted his weight from one foot to the other slightly uncomfortable standing there. Forrest and Archer both would have demanded answers already and shot or had security torture whomever they decided was responsible but Vorack sat there leaning back in his chair with his arms folded across his chest waiting for one of them to respond.
Mickey became impatient, watching the two size each other up and stuck his elbow in Tucker's side indicating he was the one who should explain. When Tucker didn't speak he'd had enough. "I got there after the first weapons were fired and protected my superior officers. That's all I know."
Tucker finally gave up and responded. "Commander T'Pol came with me to an appointment, the Vulcans ambushed us, then the Vulcans showed up, we stunned them all, and here we are." He tried to keep the mask on his face to hide the anger he felt but his voice gave it away.
Tucker was an enigma to the head of security. During training, he started off quietly raging at being the sole target of many of the opposing forces training him. Then suddenly he started to drop off the sensors only to show up at the designated targets, having dispatched many of the enemy teams, and by the end of training his squad showed up close behind him. The only sign they ever found of Tucker's path was the trail his squad mates left as they followed the markers he must have left for them. Markers they could only surmise existed because they were never seen, having been removed, or covered over by the squad's movements. The Rigelian didn't know where the Vulcan fit into his internal world but could see that some powerful and deeply rooted emotions drove the human and he had a single-mindedness that made it possible for him to quickly learn what he needed to know to survive.
Mickey was aware that he had to be in possession of technology to mask his lifesigns, which broke no rules, as the only rule was meet your objective and survive by any means available. But it made him curious as to where he'd obtained it and who had suggested he utilize it during training.
The security team had located them easily so Tucker must carry that device on his person, activating it when he needed to become invisible and avoid detection. It was the only explanation for how he'd stunned the two Vulcan elites on the roof, then kicked them over the side, as he stood there watching as they hit the ground. Against all odds, the Vulcans were still alive. Mickey had seen the rage burning in Tucker's eyes that said he'd wanted them dead.
"Yes, that's what all the reports say happened. Eight Vulcans all stunned and left unconscious." Vorack agreed shaking his head. "And the Vulcans have filed a formal request that we hand you two over to them?"
Barely keeping his emotions contained he asked, "Where the hell did the Vulcans get the idea they have the authority to detain us? We're supposed to be fighting the empire not each other." He'd reasoned that because T'Pol was Vulcan it was possible they had some jurisdiction over her but they should have none over him.
"They weren't very forthcoming with their reasoning. It was something to do with a Vulcan citizen defying her government and a human's unnatural influence on her. But it doesn't matter because even though the Vulcans think they run things, they don't. The Leadership Council unanimously rejected the request before the Vulcans even had a chance to argue. They've been asked to leave and I'd like you both to remain on board the ship until they're gone in the morning." Captain Vorack knew enough about the Vulcans to know they had raised several objections to a human being allowed any position within the resistance and certainly not one with the authority he had been given and with full, open access to what was now their best weapon in this war.
Frustration quickly turned to anger. "So what they go rogue on us and we're restricted to the ship? And if we choose not to stay aboard?" Might as well push and find out where the lines were. Tucker had never been on good terms with his superiors so why start now.
Vorack could see the anger building in the human's demeanor. "It's not an order unless it has to be. You're not even officially on duty." They'd come back early to get out of the barracks and avoid having to find lodging on the planet or that's what they'd said when they requested to come aboard. "I'd rather not order you so I'm asking you to take precautions. One of which is to wait until the Vulcans break orbit before going back down to the planet." He could have made it an order but wanted to see what Tucker might do.
The reports had been accurate. Tucker had a hair trigger on his temper, but those same reports said his squad mates trusted him and every member from Defiant's crew had requested to be in his squad during their recent training. Many others had after they realized he had a special talent for evading the enemy and staying alive.
His new captain had no doubts that his skills as an engineer were well above average even amongst the most technically advanced races. The concern was that his experience and training with Starfleet had brought about such deep-seated anger, distrust, and paranoia that he would not adjust to his new situation. His new captain saw the coldness others described but on several occasions he'd observed him and he saw a flicker of something else whenever Commander T'Pol was involved or nearby. He would refrain from drawing any conclusions about his chief engineer until he could draw them from his own observations.
Tucker turned and left without saying another word.
"Well that's a new record. The Vulcans want him and he hasn't even met them."
"That's not true, sir. You know how the Vulcans are so I haven't been able to confirm this but my sources are Vulcan. The word is that the commanders met with the Council yesterday and when they left two guards were unconscious." Mickey had several Vulcans in security and several had told him about the meeting.
"Do you know what the meeting was about?" Vorack was interested in what a human could have had to discuss with the Vulcan Council and how they'd allowed him or them to render two of their guards unconscious.
"When I asked Tucker he said they didn't like him. I didn't tell him that's nothing unusual. I haven't met one of their council's 'diplomats' that had any use for non-Vulcans."
"They did say T'Pol disobeyed them and he's influencing her. I imagine they probably don't like that, especially because he's human. And he doesn't strike me as somebody who'd take their objections lightly." Vulcan had the most interaction with the Terrans, due to their vicinity, and presented a cooperative and diplomatic front. But under all that stoicism was some real animosity.
"Starfleet spent the last ten years making him the way he is so it's going to take some time to smooth off some of those hard edges."
"Then I'm depending on you to keep them both out of trouble, at least until we leave orbit." Vorack was hopeful because the Vulcans had only been stunned so he wasn't so out of control that he'd killed them.
"I'll keep an eye on him." Mickey would assign security to both commanders and leave orders that he be informed if they left the ship.
---
"Commander Tucker." The comm sounded.
Tucker touched his chest where his comm badge should have been but it wasn't there. "Have you seen my comm?"
T'Pol reached up and tapped her own to activate it.
"Yes, Commander T'Pol."
"Thanks." Tucker mouthed while moving close enough to be heard. "This is Tucker."
"Commander, your sister is here to see you. Would you like us to escort her to your location or would you like to meet her elsewhere?" The Comm officer asked.
"Send her here, Lieutenant." He couldn't remember his name. He was going to have to get the names of the new crewmembers down but he was on information overload again and they kept trying to stuff more and more into his brain. Names, species, vital facts about said species until he couldn't take anymore and nothing was making the transition from short-term to long-term memory.
He looked around the room. While searching for replacements to repair the damage to his office T'Pol had located a spare computer terminal and was helping him set it up here so they could use it to re-calibrate the systems on the shuttles. "Let's get that last connection finished before they get down here." Once that was completed it would be a natural place to take a break.
"Hey big brother." Lizzie bounced into the bay.
He checked to be sure his uniform wasn't to dirty and gave her a hug. "Hey, sis." He was glad she'd gotten back before they left. It felt good to hold her like this. She seemed much more relaxed than the last time he'd spoken to her. Much more like the Lizzie he'd grown up with. He stepped back and studied her face. The darkness was still there but not like it was just weeks before.
"I got your message two days after we left. The tour was still great though. I saw some pretty spectacular architecture and there are a couple of places that look like interesting places to live." She'd been upset when his message arrived but then decided not to let it ruin her trip.
"That's good news." He wanted her away from the area where the resistance was located. It would be safer. He turned to tell T'Pol to come over. "Lizzie this is T'Pol, my mate." He felt T'Pol's stunned reaction at his bluntness and he waited for his sister's. Girlfriend didn't cover it and the Vulcan term was the most accurate description of what they were.
His word choice confused her. She wasn't sure exactly what he meant. "Somehow I don't think you mean mate as in friend so you must mean mate as in sexual partner."
He knew she'd been so blunt for the shock value but not much shocked him anymore and he wouldn't let her know it if it had. But his lack of reaction was more than made up for by the internal one he felt from T'Pol. "Those might not be the best descriptions of mates for a Vulcan. It's more than that. We're not legally married but we might as well be." He'd let the slight go, after all he'd been rather abrupt himself, so he chose to expand on her meaning to get a point across to Lizzie.
Lizzie looked at T'Pol. "I guess I shouldn't be surprised. He always drove our parents crazy because he refused to do what was expected." She gave them both an exasperated look. "So you're the reason he joined the resistance?"
Her comment had been directed at T'Pol but Tucker tried to head off whatever this was. "We haven't talked about it so T'Pol doesn't really know why I joined. And while it's true I probably wouldn't have joined them if I hadn't gotten involved with her, she didn't do or say anything to make me." Without T'Pol, it was doubtful he would have known of the existence of resistance members on Enterprise making his joining them unlikely.
It felt strange defending T'Pol to his sister when he didn't really see why he should have to. "The Empire wasn't something I ever believed in, you know that. It was just what was but I believe in what the resistance is fighting for so I decided we should leave Starfleet." He wondered then if T'Pol had considered what he would think about her involvement with the resistance before she bonded with him. He hadn't ever believed in fate but she had chosen him, the only human he knew of, on Enterprise, that would take up this fight with her.
"You decided to leave?" This surprised Lizzie.
"I made my decision then I talked to T'Pol and she agreed and here we all are." He rearranged the details a bit but Lizzie didn't need to know exactly what had happened. It would only confuse her and put her in danger.
He saw her trying not to stare at his scar. His hand went up to his cheek. "It's okay. I'm alive that's what's important." The doctor he and T'Pol had gone to left word that he was scheduled for surgery. "We've seen a doctor here who says he's going to do some repair work around my eye and do some procedure, day after tomorrow, to soften the rest of the tissue." The doctor claimed that would make the appearance less severe.
"Does it hurt?" She watched T'Pol and couldn't understand why Tucker's talk about his scar had no affect on her.
"The skin's tight and it pulls sometimes and my eye hurts if I try to use it too much. I've gotten used to it." T'Pol would stroke the back of her fingers down his cheek often, he guessed to make him see that it didn't matter to her, and he had been trying to adopt her attitude but something about Lizzie's gaze was making him uncomfortable.
"Perhaps we should take Lizzie to the Mess Hall or we could show her your quarters. Have you ever been on a starship before?" T'Pol moved to stand behind him, letting the pleading show in her eyes hoping the young woman understood.
"Actually the only ships I've been on aren't really ships. They were shuttles. And why do you have quarters on this ship still?" She had thought he was here doing some engineering job before the ship left orbit.
"We've been assigned to Defiant. We'll be breaking orbit soon." He noted the look she shot at T'Pol.
"You're not staying on Xindus?"
"No, we need to be on Defiant to learn more about the systems and technology. We'll be fighting but we'll also be searching for new raw materials to use and then using what we learn to create new designs and help build more ships. And we need to find ways to use the technology on other ships and on our shuttles." He downplayed their fighting role so as not to alarm Lizzie. Keeping Defiant moving made it harder for the Empire to locate them and putting it's firepower to work for them was necessary. His engineering skills meant he could best be of help by learning how to utilize the technology on Defiant out in space.
The flicker of light in her eyes dimmed. Being the only human had ceased being a problem for Tucker, he had T'Pol and shipmates, with shared goals and interests that he was just beginning to know and even like a little. But Lizzie was on a planet full of different species and not one of them was human and none of them knew her. Tucker was just now realizing how lonely she might be and finding that he had a mate and plans to return to space may have been more than she was prepared to deal with.
Lizzie caught the hand moving behind his back, then the flex in his upper arm when he squeezed the Vulcan's hand. Her face hardened. "Was there anything about aliens in those docu-things the Empire subjected us to that was true?"
Tucker didn't know where this came from. "I don't know. The last time I watched anything the Empire produced was when Dad made me sit through that propaganda about the 'real Starfleet' when I was what fourteen or fifteen. And judging the rest of their 'real' dramas by that piece of fiction I'd have to say no. Was there something specific you wanted to know? I don't know a lot about most of them myself and what I do know probably isn't the kind of stuff you'd want to know." He was learning first aid. Pulse rates, vital organs, things he needed to know to ensure the survival of his crewmates. "But if I can't answer your questions, I'm sure T'Pol can."
"I've been asking questions and most of the aliens I've met warm up eventually but others don't say much and some of them I don't think make friends ever." Her eyes sought out T'Pol. She wanted to know about other species, but right now, she wanted to know about Vulcans. The ones she'd met had been somewhat polite and helpful, but they had not been fountains of information. In fact, she hadn't been able to engage any of them in any casual conversations. She'd definitely have to try harder because she needed to know what to do to get her brother away from this Vulcan.
"You'll find all the original crew on this ship, no matter what their species, are more open. Most of them were sent to Starfleet at a young age or were raised by humans and have only recently learned of their own cultures." She didn't specifically add the Vulcans but T'Pol saw that Lizzie got the point just as she had gotten Lizzie's point.
T'Pol removed a padd from the work area and attached the data link on the terminal. She then handed the padd to Lizzie. "This contains the data from our database on all the species including the Xindi. It should answer most of your questions." T'Pol knew this to be untrue having no doubt that the questions Lizzie wanted answers to were of a more personal nature.
Lizzie moved closer to Tucker as she stared down at the padd. Tucker remained quiet as he watched some communication he didn't quite understand between the two. He wasn't sure what he'd missed but it seemed the information on that padd was all the information T'Pol was going to share. Whatever this was, he was sure he was at the center of it.
"Let's go get something to eat I'm starving." Tucker started to leave. Lizzie's hand grasped his and she quickly began dragging him towards the door. He pulled her to a stop and rotated back around to face T'Pol. "Are you coming?"
The meal had been excruciating. Both T'Pol and Lizzie spoke in clipped tense sentences to start with then T'Pol just stopped talking altogether leaving him to field Lizzie's endless questions. He didn't understand what went wrong. They seemed okay when he first introduced them but now Lizzie was being rude, clingy, and possessive. Not like his sister at all.
Tucker slipped up behind her as she refilled her cup. "Are you okay?"
"We are in the Mess Hall?" She was half-teasing him but there was a certain tenseness in her words.
"I'm not touching you and as hard as it is not to I wouldn't embarrass you." She was much more expressive than most Vulcans and it was as hard for her as it was for him but there were lines he was becoming aware she would not cross. He stepped back slightly not sure how serious she really was. "You didn't answer my question."
"Your sister believes I have bewitched you."
He chuckled at how close her description was. "Well, she's not far off on that but I guess I better explain it was a mutual bewitching. I should have told her about you when I spoke to her earlier or when I sent that message but I didn't think it would be a problem. And I didn't know she would think I was staying here." This bond was hard to read sometimes, especially when one or the other was defensive and pulled back. "Can you leave us alone? I'll talk to her and then I'll take her to see my quarters." He'd sent Lizzie a message that he was joining the resistance and would be on Xindus soon. Telling her more hadn't seemed important since he'd been in Starfleet until now and would have been away from her anyway.
"I will see you later." T'Pol turned to leave.
"T'Pol." He waited till he could see her face. "I will see you later." He gave her a slight smile.
---
"T'Pol left?"
"I asked her to so you and I can talk." He'd been prepared for her to be upset with him for uprooting her life but not for her to take it all out on T'Pol.
"You've changed. You sound upset." He'd never been angry with her before or if he had been he'd never let her know it.
He was a bit upset with her. "I have changed and not for the better, in most cases. But I'm not going to discuss that with my little sister. What I do want to discuss is why you're being rude to T'Pol?"
"I wasn't being rude. But she's not right for you."
"Yes you were being rude and who I chose to be with is not up to you. And I know how all this must be making you feel, especially since it's my fault you're stuck out here in the first place but it's the best I can do." His speech came quicker as his agitation stepped up.
Indignant she asked, "Couldn't you be like other guys and just take her to bed without making some long-term commitment and turning your life over to her?"
Until this very moment, he thought he liked it when people were direct. "Look, I know it must have been a shock to be taken away from your life and whisked off to a planet light years away from Earth with no other humans. And I wish it wasn't necessary to keep you safe but things happened and I made choices and that meant I had to make sure no one could get to you. If you're going to blame anyone for this, blame me." The look in her eyes said she'd like nothing more than to eliminate T'Pol much as he was sure his parents would if they were present.
"You don't really care about her?" Lizzie had never known her brother to be interested in any woman and T'Pol wasn't even human. He'd only ever cared about his engines and getting away from home.
"You know nothing about who or what I care about. T'Pol is always going to be with me so get used to it." The volume went up as did the sharpness in his voice drawing the attention of those in the room.
"You said it yourself, things change." They weren't married so there was still a possibility that one of them would find someone else. She would just have to find ways to help that along.
"Not for Vulcans they don't. They don't have casual relationships. They mate for life, and that means so have I." He was beginning to feel as if she was reaching in and ripping and pulling his insides out.
"You said you weren't married so that means you can still find someone more suited to you."
He'd just started getting comfortable with them being together forever and hadn't considered that they were for all intents and purposes married , but of course he couldn't even begin to explain that to Lizzie, so he'd have to let her and everyone else believe they were less than what they were. "We aren't married but that doesn't matter. We're together and there's nothing that can change that." He wasn't getting through to her and that determined look in her eyes said she was going to try. "I'm not going to ask T'Pol to put up with this attitude of yours so if you want to spend time with me you better turn on that pretentious southern charm of yours." That fake smile and southern charm every women in the south learned to turn on and off like a light switch. He'd been trained to be the 'perfect' southern gentleman and still could if needed, but he'd found little use for wasting his energy on being charming since joining Starfleet.
"What? I play nice with your 'mate' or you'll send me away?"
"Yep. T'Pol will tell me to spend time with you without her but I'm not going to do that to her or myself." It wasn't fair to him or T'Pol and it would only make him angrier that he had to play silly games he'd never been good at and keep one part of his life separate from the rest to keep the peace.
The brother she'd grown up with would never do this. "You really have changed."
"You really don't want to know how much. Just know I won't always play nice even with you, so be careful." He knew how volatile his temper could be and if she didn't stop pushing him about T'Pol he wasn't sure he could stop himself from reacting badly.
She studied his movements. This wasn't Tucker, the brother she loved, this was a stranger. "You're threatening me now? This Vulcan really has her claws all twisted up inside you, doesn't she?"
"Like I said if you want to be pissed at me or blame me then go right ahead but leave T'Pol out of this. I'm not trying to scare you. I'm just warning you that I'm not the same as I was when you last saw me and T'Pol understands that in ways you never will." He couldn't tell her that the 'real Starfleet' is all about death, destruction, pain, and torture. And how much he had changed or why.
"I'm your family, she's nothing." She half-yelled at him.
Patience almost gone he pushed up out of his chair, bending over and across the table, speaking with a distressing coldness. "Yes you are family but you're wrong about T'Pol. And sister or not you'd better back off because if you hurt T'Pol I will...." The fear in her eyes startled him. He pulled back a little and saw the disbelief that he'd speak to her that way. He should have known he couldn't just go back and reclaim that part of himself and be that big brother she remembered. The one he'd buried so long ago. Straightening up, he pushed the anger deeper trying to keep it from exploding, turned his back, and almost ran out leaving her sitting at the table all alone.
---
T'Pol sensed his anger and found him in the shower stall. "Where is Lizzie?"
"If she's smart she's as far away from me as she can get." He cowered away from her.
"What happened?" She reached in and shut the water off.
"I threatened to...I wanted to...she thinks..." He kept banging his head against the wall.
"Stop." She placed her hand on his forehead before he made contact with the bulkhead again. "What is wrong?"
"Angry. So bad I wanted to hurt her because she blames you for everything." Lizzie only saw a small fraction of what he was truly feeling but it was enough to make her fear him.
That didn't explain the state he was in. "Isn't it your usual practice to disrobe before taking a shower?"
"Just needed the cold to snap me out of it." He'd learned this when he first joined Starfleet and his anger started to take over. Taking a cold shower had been helpful in shocking himself out of it.
She assumed he meant snap him out of his anger. "Wouldn't it have been more sensible to use the shower in your quarters?"
"Can't make the water cold enough in the crew quarters."
That must mean he'd purposely made adjustments to the settings in this shower to make it run colder. When he gave up pulling away she moved him from the stall and sat him on a bench and started wrapping towels around his shivering body trying to soak the water from his clothing. "Why would you wish to be so cold?"
The shaking worsened and his teeth were chattering. "The cold does something. Shocks my brain or something. It's the only way I know to make it stop." He'd needed to stop this irrational anger that kept grabbing hold of him. That feeling that sometimes took his anger and twisted it leaving him wanting to strike out and hurt whoever it was that made him angry. And he'd wanted to hurt Lizzie because she made him angry with her reaction to T'Pol.
"You could have come to me and asked for my assistance. It would have been much better than this." T'Pol took his hands in hers.
---
Lizzie left the Officer's Mess in search of her brother. She hadn't realized just how big Defiant was and had gotten lost on the turbolift. She'd gotten directions and returned to deck 2 and tried his quarters but got no answer. While attempting to figure out where to go next she saw T'Pol exit what she assumed was her quarters and head down the corridor. Following her seemed like the best way to locate Tucker.
When she entered the recreation area she found a place to stay out of sight. Her ears perked up at the sound of their voices.
---
"I'm fine. I can take care of myself." He again tried pulling free of her grasp.
"DO not fight me. It is a simple matter if you would relax and let me in." Tucker could see she only wanted to help him so he closed his eyes and tried to do as she asked.
"Breathe and let your mind drift." She felt him letting go. "Now concentrate on something that makes you feel relaxed." She felt his resistance and countered it with the words, "Trust me."
He didn't answer but she felt his focus drift to thoughts of the last night they'd slept together. She was cuddled up into his side with her head tucked against his chest sleeping. This thought brought on an instantaneous effect and his level of relaxation increased sharply.
"What are you doing?" His eyes remained closed and the angry feelings seemed to explode onto his inner lids into this black cloud then he watched as the color became lighter and the cloud lost it's size and intensity while sinking into nothingness.
His focus began to falter and thoughts of losing his temper and harming her came to mind. "You cannot harm me. You know this. Our bond would not allow it, nor would you." He hadn't harmed her when he lost his temper with her and he had more than enough cause to want to then and he couldn't let himself do it. And she was very aware that the bond had not been the force that stopped him.
"Are you sure? I got mad then she got mad and I scared her T'Pol, made her afraid of me. And worse I scared myself." He kept seeing that look in her eyes. "Could you have missed any of those barriers you put up in my head? We have to make this stop." Tucker touched his forehead. He had been thinking about the meld she'd done before. It was supposed to take care of this so obviously something more must be wrong. He was upset with Lizzie and he'd had good cause to be but then he suddenly became so angry he wasn't sure what he might do.
"You will not harm me anymore than I would harm you. And I removed all the barriers when we melded." Her research into human physiology had opened up many possible explanations for his continued lack of control. They needed to reconsider his decision not to meld to recover the memories she had hidden from him but she feared his reaction to hearing he would have to suffer through more pain to correct the damage she had caused. Now was not the time to tell him.
"Let's get you to your quarters and get you into some dry clothes. You must be freezing." He wasn't shaking as badly but it still wasn't healthy to remain wet and cold like this.
"I am." He stood up.
---
She had moved out slightly from her hiding place to get a better view of what they were doing but all she saw was her brother wrapped in towels sitting there with his eyes closed while that Vulcan did something strange to him. They were bonded? What was a meld? What had she done to him? Were melds and those barriers some kind of Vulcan mind control that she was using to hold onto him? Get him to forget his true family? Turn on her? More questions to add to the list of things she needed to learn about Vulcans. Lizzie could hear others coming into the rec area so she slipped out before someone saw her and told Tucker she was there. She'd have to hurry and get back and make it appear as if she'd been waiting for him to return to his quarters to say goodbye.
---
She directed him out the door at the other end of the room so they wouldn't have to go through the main area and explain his wet clothing to anyone. "You cannot abandon your sister. You are the only person she has here and she is your family."
"I have no intention of abandoning her but she's having trouble accepting my life as it is. I hadn't given it much thought but I'm not the same guy who left Earth ten years ago and I don't think she liked the guy she met today. Besides that, she's convinced you have some magical sexual powers that have stripped me of my ability to think for myself and I just handed my life over to you." Maybe giving her whatever she wanted growing up had set them up for this current mess.
"She believes a female could actually exercise control over a male with sex?" Vulcans were capable of mind control and she had used it to an extent with Tucker but she would never had been able to use a physical relationship to control Tucker as the bond would have exerted itself forcefully to prevent it as it had already begun to do to interfere with her continued use of mind control. That a human woman could be capable of such things with no mental abilities to assist her, T'Pol was sure was not possible.
He'd thought the same thing when he first learned about their bond but that was before he realized she was more repressed than he was and that the bond forged an intimacy between the mates that enhanced their physical attraction but was not responsible for its existence. He laughed from deep in his belly. "It has been known to happen but she doesn't understand how ridiculous it sounds to accuse a Vulcan of such a thing."
He didn't even want to imagine that discussion with his sister. What could he say? 'Look Lizzie you've got the wrong idea. Vulcans don't quite get the whole sex thing, except when they lose all their inhibitions every seven years, so accusing her of trying to hold on to me that way makes no sense.' Not likely because then he'd have to get past the weirdness involved in talking to his little sister about anything sexual in the first place and betray T'Pol, which he might have considered before, but not now.
T'Pol caught his attempt to hide the yawn. The shivering was taking its toll on him and he needed to get out of these wet clothes. "Let's get you back to your quarters and warm again." She was sure once his body temperature returned to normal the weariness would overcome him and he'd sleep for several hours.
He started to argue but then realized she was right, he needed to get dry. "Sounds good." And he needed to think about something else besides his sister's misplaced anger at T'Pol.
They continued down the corridor then he stopped and turned back towards the Mess. "I need something warm to drink." He smiled at her. It was still an unfamiliar thing for him but it was starting to feel more and more natural these days, but it always seemed there was hurt and anger lingering around the edges of everything.
She turned in the opposite direction and began walking toward his quarters. "I will get whatever you wish while you change." The senior officer's quarters were at one end of Deck 2 and the officer's Mess and Lounge were at the other end.
"You don't have to do that. I'm capable of getting things for myself." He took a step forward then stopped when he felt the resistance of her arm holding him. He could sense her displeasure at his insistence on going to the Mess and his continued resistance to her assisting him.
"If you say so, but what do you plan to say when asked why you are wet?" She had him and she knew it.
Saying he took a shower fully clothed would lead to the inevitable questions of where and why. There were no acceptable answers and being an engineer didn't help because doing his job usually meant staying dry to avoid electrocution and if he was wet at work it was not from water. "You win." He followed her to his room and found Lizzie waiting outside the door.
"Lizzie." He was surprised to see her and it showed in his expression. He pressed his thumb into the pad to open the door. He motioned inward with his hands. "Ladies." His head and their expressions told him neither of them was feeling very lady-like at the moment.
T'Pol entered followed by Lizzie. Tucker closed the door and waited. T'Pol continued into the bedroom where they could hear her opening drawers. Lizzie looked around and saw no signs that the Vulcan lived here. In fact, except for the cup on the desk and candles and a pillow on the floor there were no signs that anyone lived here. Lizzie did note the ease with which the Vulcan had entered her brother's bedroom and dug through his dresser and his lack of objection when she returned, handed him the pile of selected clothing, and instructed him to go change. He hesitated momentarily thinking it unwise to leave the two alone but then decided he was too cold to stay and it was a good test of how seriously Lizzie had taken his warning.
"I will get that drink you asked for." T'Pol volunteered.
"That can wait. Keep Lizzie company for me." His back was to the door as he closed it. T'Pol's empathic abilities were much stronger than his were so he directed his attention to the bond to see what he could pick up from Lizzie. Tension and anger. There was so much tension between the two he was sure he'd be able to see it when he left the bathroom.
He leaned heavily on his arms and pushed his forehead into the mirror. 'I really don't want to go out there but I can't expect T'Pol to stay with her much longer.' T'Pol wouldn't hurt her but it wasn't fair to ask her to remain in a situation that required her to suppress so many emotions because Lizzie was important to him.
Once he came out, Lizzie moved hurriedly to hug him. "I really just wanted to say good-bye. I'll see you soon." She turned her back on them and left.
---
"The doctor says I can go. Says my vision will clear up in the next few days once the nerves readjust to the light. He also says I need to be sure I don't forget that the nerve that controls the eyelid isn't completely healed so I have to remember to close it whenever my eye feels dry or tired." He'd need to tell his brain to close the lid or physically do it himself until the regenerated nerve took over on its own. If the pain became to intense he was to use a patch to cover it for an hour or so to give the nerves time to relax again.
The doctor had repaired the eyelid. There was still scar tissue present but the blueness of his eye overshadowed any imperfection for T'Pol. It had been so long since she'd seen both his eyes gazing out at her. She'd missed it more than she would have thought possible. The normal twinge of guilt accompanied her realization. Some deeply ingrained idea that these feelings were wrong and she should suppress them is what she would now need to learn to suppress.
She watched as he reached up to remove the last bandage that covered the rest of his cheek. The tissue underneath was still pinkish but she could see the scarring was much less noticeable than before and she hoped it would lessen his self-consciousness.
Words would never pass her lips but they didn't need to for him to know. He soaked in all her wonder at how much his gaze affected her and he smiled to let her know he understood. All his discomfort fell away for a few moments until he saw the medic that brought him word on Lizzie earlier.
Evidently, she had come to be with him but he was already under anesthesia when she arrived. The medic said she adamantly refused to call on T'Pol to verify her identity and relationship to Tucker so was refused entry. Rather than give up her grievances and come support him, she'd left a good luck message and asked that he contact her before his ship left orbit.
He pushed the hurt out and focused on walking beside T'Pol. The surgery was over and his vision had been fully restored. Pain had been alleviated in his neck that he hadn't really perceived as having been a problem until it was gone. They walked and he continued letting her feelings wash over him and relieve all the tightness in his body from the stress surrounding this surgery and the situation with his sister.
A/N: Thanks for the reviews all. To answer a couple of inquiries. The aluk plant is Vulcan (aluk means fish in Vulcan) as is the dinner they were preparing (although the aluk wasn't an ingredient that I know of). I wrote the chapter using Trip squeamishness with insects then went looking for something to fit the bill so I didn't have to make it up but I didn't make a note of where it came from or I would have put that at the end of the chapter. I try to find things that are real to use if I can but don't always give credit like I should. Most of the time I use the VLD and Vulcan Institute data from the Star Trek geekopedia site.
