A/N: Okay, I usually try to leave notes for the end, but I need to tell you THIS ISNT A NEW CHAPTER. I'm sorry for getting your hopes up, but I went back and changed the ending of this chapter because it was ruining my ability to continue the story. I was originally going to go in one direction, but decided that it took away from what I wanted to do with the plot overall. So I'm reposting this with the shortened ending. Literally, it's missing three sentences. But it made the world of difference for me. Thanks for reading! New chapter soon!
I only ever showed up to the garage for two reasons: Steven and my father. Most of the time, I was there for the former. But that day I was there because I'd been ordered to by Bones.
As expected, no one was outside as I pulled up at the fence, so I was given a moment to stare and collect myself. It always took a bit of courage to saunter into Bones' midst because he hated it when I showed anything besides iron backbone. He favored the slightly blunt and expressionless Harley. He liked all of us that way. By "us" I mean his children.
Sighing with reluctance, I opened the rusted door of the car and stood. It was a perfect temperature outside that day; in jeans, a black racerback and jacket, I wasn't too warm from the summer's heat. Which was fortunate. I really didn't want to show any skin at the garage. After all, Bones still didn't know about my "batting practice" —Billy's words, not mine— and all three of us, his children, wanted to keep it that way. My hand tucked cleverly into my jeans, I casually concealed the slightly crooked fingers and raised scars. Thankfully, Bones wasn't too observant when it came to me.
The second I passed the fence, the pit bull Bones kept chained up appeared from nowhere, snapping it's jaws; my father's version of an alarm. With a swallow, I tried to pretend that the angry animal didn't bother me.
"Look who it is." My head snapped around, spotting Burk as he slumped against a car nearby. I gave him a small smile, forcing my other hand into my pocket to keep from waving. Burk was one of the nicer guys that my father had in his employ. He didn't say too much, but when he did, it was pleasant.
"Hey." I wandered forward, scuffing my boots as I thought of something to say. "He here?" Burk smirked and I nodded, rolling my eyes at myself. "Duh."
"Out back." Burk said with a grin, motioning with his head back behind the garage. Taking a drag on his dwindling cigarette, he sighed. "Been busy 'round here." Crossing my arms, I raised an eyebrow.
"Really? Why?" I was careful to sound only half interested. Anything too eager would earn me a vague answer and a calculating look. I'd learned the ways to get the information I wanted. Burk shrugged and tossed his butt away, cracking his dirty knuckles.
"Let's just say it's got nothin' ta do with cars." As he headed back into the shop, I followed, chewing on the inside of my lip. If it wasn't cars, it was guns. Passing into the dark building, Burk nodded to some of Bones' real mechanics: Gus, Terry…they all blended together in my head. Without a word, Burk led me into Bones' office and rounded the desk towards the back door.
"Give me a minute." He muttered, opening the door and ducking out into the bright sun, vanishing. Alone in my father's office, I teetered back and forth, rolling my weight from the tips of my toes to the back of heels. Normally Bones was parked behind his desk, ready to grunt things then dismiss me with the wave of his hand. It was odd to have to wait, twiddling my thumbs until my father could be bothered to see me.
"I thought I smelled somethin' sweet." I froze in mid-sway and whirled around, glaring at Rick as he leant in the entrance to the office. No matter how many times I pushed him away, or threw his compliments back in his face, he never seemed to grow tired of me. Shoulders wide as he crossed his arms, his skin was dark from the sun against his bright white t-shirt and his dark hair was slicked back, curling lazily around his ears.
"I don't wear perfume, you creep." I muttered back, turning around to ignore him. I don't know why I ever bothered to acknowledge his existence. It only made him more persistent.
"Then it must be somethin' else on ya." He purred, his footfalls bringing him closer. I tapped a foot impatiently, watching the back door and praying Bones walked through it soon. I'd never hit Rick, but he had a way of making violence seem attractive after a short period of time.
"Don't you have work ta do?" I hissed, not even bothering to glance at him from over my shoulder. He chuckled under his breath.
"Sure." His body lingered behind me, making it impossible for me to glare at him without turning around and giving in. So I just crossed my arms. "But I'd rather bother you." I bit down in the inside of my bottom lip to keep myself from hissing something juvenile in response. "Wow, nothing?" He laughed a little and circled to look me in the eye.
"That's disappointin'." Rick gave me a smug grin. "I like it when you're a bitch."
I didn't consciously realize I was going to slap him until Rick caught my left hand. Instantly I knew I'd made a huge mistake. His fingers massaged my scarred skin, running back and forth over my crooked bones.
"I wondered which one he smashed." Rick purred, leaning closer to stare directly into my eyes. He touched each of my knuckles, caressing them like he cared. I had to hold my breath to keep from gasping. It felt so strange and it made my insides churn. Not just from the frayed nerves in my hand, but from his gentleness. When he leant down and touched his lips to my knuckles, I ripped my hand away.
"The hell does that mean?" I muttered, tucking the hand away from sight in a pocket. If all else failed, I'd use the beautifully stupid lie Billy had made up for me. I'd slammed my hand in a car door. Car door. Sure. That was logical.
"Tix always was a crazy shithead." Rick murmured, his eyes fastened on my pocket. If I hadn't been so shocked at hearing Tix's name, I would have been touched by the anger in Rick's eyes.
"What?"
I didn't get an answer, because Bones chose that precise moment to bust in through the back door, Burk in tow. My heart took off like a sprinter in my chest and Rick looked away, eyes smoldering with a darkness I'd never seen. He was a jerk, yes. He liked to play cat and mouse with me, sure. And he had a supreme issue with my boyfriend, but I'd never seen him pissed like that.
If Tix wasn't already dead, he would have been the next name on Rick's list. Definitely. But that wasn't the disturbing part. If Rick knew about Tix, and my injuries, who else did?
"Get out." Bones didn't bother with a "hello" or any greeting. He got right to it, waving a hand at Rick and Burk so the two men would leave the room. They did so in silence and I stared after Rick, suddenly alarmed at his departure.
Go figure.
"Ya owe me forty-three hundred bucks." Bones spat at me, crossing his arms as he stood behind his desk. I looked back at him and blinked, very confused and very off kilter.
"Why—"
"Because that Camaro isn't free." He shot back, sending me an extremely angry glare. "S'gonna cost ya." I blinked again.
"But I'm not drivin—"
"Does it look like I care what happened ta the goddamn car? I sold it ta you, you pay me. Simple." My stomach turned sour and threatened to force up the bowl of cereal I'd eaten that morning. I didn't have the money for a Camaro, and I wasn't even driving the thing!
"I don't have that kind of money." I whispered, my hands sweating in terror. I'd spent three hundred bucks having the shitty brakes on my junker fixed. Hell, I couldn't even afford to pay my boyfriend to do it. And no way was I going to ask for yet another favor from him.
"Then I guess ya don't have a car." Bones growled.
Call me a goddamn crybaby. My eyes started to water and my shoulders slumped in defeat. Joey was going to be crushed and I was going to be carless. Despite the overwhelming urge to bawl like the infant I was, I simply nodded and choked back the pathetic display. He stared at me, watching like he was expecting something.
He was probably counting the seconds before I'd wail like a baby.
Not today pal.
"I'll have it here in a few hours." I managed to make my voice semi-stable, despite the tears openly flowing from my eyes. It was stupid how easily he'd opened me up. But then again, it was simple psychology, right? Give the child something, let them enjoy it, and then take it away to ensure they never ask for something again.
No wonder Billy hated the asshole.
"GODDAMN IT HARLENE."
Whoa. I nearly crapped my pants as Bones hollered at me. First, I hadn't heard my full –legal- name since I was five. It had only been in print. On my report cards, on my license. Never out loud.
Second? The anger had come out of left field. He'd been controlled up until unleashing his lung capacity. Bones had always kept his cool, relatively speaking. Even when he yelled, there was always a reserved anger in his words. No desperation, no real emotion of any kind.
This…this was raw. He looked…affected by my very presence. And I wanted to melt into the floor and disappear altogether.
"I'm sorry." I didn't even know what I was apologizing for. I just did it. Hell, I would have admitted to murder if it meant avoiding another yell like that. The tears were flooding my face and my voice was a wobbly mess. Just like that day he'd busted into my life, terrifying both my mother and I, his angry voice had shattered me inside and out.
"If it weren't for ya motha…." His voice trailed off and I hiccupped. He was livid, his hands shaking as he lowered them to the surface of his desk. "…I'd take a baseball bat ta ya again for lyin' ta me."
So…he'd found out. I let out a whimper of a sob and hugged myself.
"SHUT UP." Bones bellowed. The room and his voice made me convulse in terror. I was in so much more than trouble. My father was so enraged, debating my death…and I knew he was capable of doing just that. He sat down with a huff and put his head in one hand. I had to grind my teeth to keep from crying out loud.
"If ya ever lie ta me again, Harley, I swear I might kill ya." Bones wasn't looking at me as he spoke, and he punctuated the sentence with a slam of his fist against his desk. I jumped and he finally looked at me. "And I don't wanna do that. Really don't."
The sadness in his eyes stabbed me straight in the gut. Of all the emotions I expected to see on my father's face, that was not one of them. He smeared a hand over his chin and ducked his head, shaking it slowly. Gradually, I recognized more and more signs of worry. His anger was only camouflage, just like Billy. If they felt anything for anyone, they were quick to hide it behind some pissed off rampage.
This, however, was off the charts. I wiped my face and gulped back the thick saliva in my mouth.
"I didn't want to upset you with my problems." I whispered so softly, I wondered if Bones would even be able to understand me. My father looked up and his eyebrows slackened atop his forehead.
"Losin' ya job is a problem. Bein' behind on ya mortgage is a problem." Then he slammed a hand on his desk, standing once again. "But findin' out about MY DAUGHTER—" He closed his eyes and his mouth formed a thin line. The rage that shuddered through him made me cry a little harder, but not because I was afraid.
"I didn't want to start anythin'." I whimpered. Truthfully? Billy had been willing to charge headfirst into a war to gut Tix. And it was becoming awfully apparent that my father would have done the same thing. He glanced up at me and sighed through his nose, his mouth turned down in a frown.
"Ya think I am where I am cuz I need little girls ta do my thinkin'?" He growled, his nose wrinkling in disgust. "Charlie and I woulda sorted it. And I wouldna been askin' fah permission." His eyes scanned my body, resting on my hand. "Com 'ere."
I swallowed again and approached, holding out my left, scarred hand without having to be asked. Not that he would ask. He'd order. But I did it anyway. Bones didn't touch me, he just watched as I held out my hand, my fingers struggling to lie flat in the air. When he'd had enough, he waved my arm away and took off his glasses, rubbing his eyes with his fingers.
"Ya mother woulda blamed me." He muttered. I blinked and tucked my hand back into my right armpit, hugging myself as he stared down at his desk.
"I doubt it." I whispered, sniffling against the tears that tickled my nose. Bones snorted angrily and glared up at me.
"Ya didn't know ya motha like I did." For some reason, I took offense to the statement and a slice of anger went through me.
"No, I didn't. I knew the battered, brain-washed version who let—"
"DO NOT…" Bones stood and raised a hand, as if he planned on slamming it into my cheek, but he clenched it into a fist and simply held it in front of my face. When he finally lowered it, his eyes were closed and his face was bright red. "…if I had known 'bout that…"
"What?" I muttered suddenly, glaring over tear-rimmed eyes. "Ya woulda killed me for keepin' my mouth shut then too?" I coughed in disgust, wiping angrily at my cheeks.
"I woulda taken a knife and cut off the dick off the bastard who touched ya, and fed it to 'im before I blew his head off." Bones growled, sending a shudder rolling down my spine. "Then I woulda smacked ya motha senseless for bein' a stupid bitch." When the silence between us threatened to stretch into miles, my father let out a sigh and sat back in his chair.
"Never hide shit from me, Harley."
Needless to say, I nodded.
"And if ya ever do it again…" He pointed a finger at me and I knew there was threat behind it. But it would never leave his lips.
Nodding again, I wiped the remaining tear streaks from my face. "I'll go get the car." I whispered, praying that it was excuse enough to leave. Bones sighed and I turned to go, thankful he wasn't stopping me.
"I don't want ya fuckin' car." He suddenly snapped, his voice echoing off the walls. I peered over my shoulder, pivoting on my heel to face him again.
"But—"
"Ya car's a worthless piece of shit." I blinked in confusion and opened my mouth to speak, but Bones waved me off.
"Get out."
"Should I bring the Cama—"
"Are ya deaf? Leave." Bones growled, drowning out my feeble, confused voice. I nodded and obeyed.
Walking through the garage after that was like walking through a wasteland. No doubt everyone had heard Bones' banging and yelling, so they'd all fallen silent to listen in. No one made a sound as I walked quickly through the hall towards the exit. If I was lucky, I wouldn't run into anyone and they wouldn't see my tear-streaked face. I'd been the crying daughter one too many times.
"Only the dead know my secrets." Rick's voice didn't startle me because I almost anticipated him to be there, lurking the in the shadows. Wiping my face, I passed without pausing.
"Rub it in." I murmured, coughing back a laugh.
"He was bound to find out." He shot back, following me out to my car. Those were nearly the exact words that Joey had used against Billy the night I'd been attacked. But it wasn't either of them that had gotten screamed it; it had fallen on me, like everything else. "Nearly killed Steven." Rick said, his voice revealing his glee more than a smile ever could.
The words made my blood run cold. Stopping halfway through the lot, I turned around glared at Rick.
"What the hell is ya problem with Steven?" I snarled, new tears budding in my eyes out of shear frustration. Rick swallowed and stared at me, unmoving. Then he launched forward and grabbed my face in two hands. Before I could even blink in shock, his mouth was on mine.
My hands smacked into his chest, but he didn't budge. Rick only let out a grunt, opening his mouth to kiss me deeper. He wasn't pushy, or even rough. On the contrary; his lips were soft and his tongue teased my lips, asking for entry instead of forcing. Eyes still open, we were staring, watching.
My hitting paused for just a moment, his shirt bunched in my fists. My lips parted and his eyes closed.
Spell broken.
I shoved him away and covered my lips with a palm, hiding what remained of the kiss.
"He shoulda killed Tix. I woulda killed him." Rick muttered. He sucked on his own bottom lip, tasting it as he ran a hand through his hair. A frown had formed on his face, and the darkness was back. "Bones woulda let me have 'im. And he woulda watched." He looked up at me and my stomach flopped. Fury, rage. It was all there. Rick would have skinned Tix alive and Bones would have no doubt enjoyed every second. "But no, your fuckin' asshole boy toy waited too long ta spill his guts. Useless fuckin' bastard." This time, it was my turn to frown.
"What does that mean?" I murmured. Rick snorted an angry laugh.
"Steven told Bones 'bout the beat down. What did ya expect?"
My heart dropped to my toes and my fists balled up at my sides.
"You're a goddamn liar." I whispered. "He wouldn't do that." Rick scoffed and a disgusted frown pulled his brows low.
"Do yaself a favor, sweetheart." He growled. "And pull ya head out of ya ass." Taking a step forward, he stood inches from me, glaring down into my face. "He wanted to protect his woman. But Steven is nothin'. He runs Bones' errands. He shines his motherfuckin' shoes. He's a good little crony." His palm cupped my chin and I refused to turn away, even though I wanted to. "A real man wouldna come home that night without Tix's blood on his hands."
Sue me, I shuddered. I inhaled on a silent gasp, picturing Steven in my doorway, his hands dripping. Then the image flickered and Rick's face replaced Steven's, his eyes gleaming.
"You're lyin'." I whispered, stepping out of his grasp. With that, I spun and took off for my car.
Why I ended up at the Roses, I don't know. I was angry, confused, and –above all- in need of a tall, thick drink. Upon entering the dark bar, I was confronted with a wall of emotion. It made me pause and cover my face with my hands, balancing on the edge of hysteria. I was so done.
Dropping into a stool at the bar, I raised a finger and Sammy nodded, pulling an empty glass out from under the counter.
"I need ta talk to ya." Glancing to my left, I was shocked to see Daren sitting there. Well, she sure as hell hadn't been there when I'd walked in. Otherwise I would have walked to the other end of the bar. And she looked just as thrilled to see me. She'd addressed me like she would rather be shaking hands with a wood chipper. Tempted to get up and pretend she hadn't spoken, I rubbed my eyes.
"Do I look like I need anymore shit right now?" I practically spat the words at her, my jaw clenched to keep from shouting. I wasn't crying, but I was still coming apart at the seams. The smallest bit of stress threatened to unravel all of my composure, and that's exactly what Daren was: a mountain of problems.
"Look, my beef ain't with you." She muttered, lowering her eyes in a moment of hesitation. Well, at least I was convincing someone that I was holding it together. Otherwise, I wouldn't have gotten an ounce of respect from Billy's sharp-tongued tramp. I sighed and rubbed my eyelids again.
"Obviously. Now, what the hell do you want?" She swallowed and eased herself around the barstool, facing me. It took a moment for my eyes to adjust, but I saw what I needed to see pretty quickly. Underneath Daren's simple cotton tank top was a rounded belly, swelling up from the waist of her jeans.
"He won't even talk ta me." She whispered, her hand cradling the small bump as if to shield it from sight. I gulped down a thick mouthful of saliva.
"Shit." I had only meant to whisper the curse, but Daren's flinch made me realize how loud it must have been. Considering the day I'd been having, I hadn't thought things could get much worse.
Boy I was fucking wrong.
"I know we've had our issues." Daren murmured, rubbing the strip of exposed flesh above her jeans.
"I busted your lip after you emptied a beer on my fuckin' head." I muttered back, shaking my head with irritation. "I'd say we had more than issues." She rolled her eyes and braced a hand on the bar, her expression growing serious.
"Look, I don't care. It ain't about me or you. I need ta see Billy." With a snort, I leant against the counter and covered my face with a hand. I was not in the mood to sort out anyone's problems. I couldn't even sort out my own. Add to the fact that I really didn't like Daren, things weren't looking good for her. Peeking through my fingers, I caught a glimpse of the lump under her hand.
But it wasn't about her, was it?
I remember softening then, looking up into Daren's face. That was the first time I realized she scared she was. It was etched into her forehead, taking years off her beauty. She was barely twenty-five, but that day she looked much older.
"If he doesn't want to see ya, my buggin' him isn't gonna help." I replied gently, propping an arm on the bar to scoot closer to her. Daren nodded.
"I know. But I gotta try." I sighed and gave her a weak smile. I had to hand it to Daren, she was going to be one hell of a mom. Not giving up on her child, even before they were born, was a sure sign. Inevitably my mind went to Deb and I winced like someone had smacked me. All the things Bones had said about came rushing back and I was forcing down the emotional vomit that was making my nose tickle and my eyes water.
No thinking about Deb.
I stared down at Daren's pregnant belly and focused all that anxiety and fear on someone who deserved it.
"I'll try ta talk to him." I promised softly.
Honestly, I didn't expect a thank you. Maybe a smile or a comment of noncommittal appreciation, something Billy would say. But Daren caught me entirely by surprise when she slipped from the stool to wrap her arms around my shoulders. Stiffly standing, it took a moment for my brain to register that I was being hugged. And that Daren was possibly crying into the shoulder of my jacket. I awkwardly patted her back as she sniffled, panting her thanks over my back. Then she released me, walking out of the bar without meeting my gaze.
When the bar door had squeaked open and closed again, I slid into Daren's stool and plucked her unfinished beer from the counter. Tipping the thing back, I took a long pull. It tasted like horse piss. Sammy snorted at my grimace and took the bottle away.
"Non-alcoholic." With a bitter laugh, I planted my forehead on the bar.
"Figures."
Nine drinks, two hours, and four games of pool later, I was happily wasted in the back of the Four Roses. Three different guys were paying my tab, and they were all smiling at me, their eyes telling me exactly what they wanted. Me, on my knees. Me, on all fours. Me, on my back.
So boring.
I was laughing it up with an especially ugly sucker when I felt a hand grab my elbow. Frowning, I twisted on my barstool and swatted at the handsy culprit.
Steven.
In a black t-shirt and green canvas jacket, he looked like he'd spent the day in the car, his face stubbly and shadowed.
"We're leavin'." He hissed, eyes burning as he glared at the guy on my right. No doubt he was giving him a telepathic death threat.
"I'm not goin' anywhere." I muttered, pulling out of his grasp. I was too drunk to take orders. Too drunk to think about all the things I wanted to say to my 'boyfriend'. As I lifted my drink to swallow it down, Steven yanked it from my hand and brought it down on the counter, sloshing a good portion of it on the wooden surface.
"You've had enough. Get up."
Fuck. Him.
"If ya touch me again, asshole, I'll scream." I snarled, pointing a finger in his face. His glare didn't waver. Then he sidestepped me and left my line of sight. I snorted, thinking I'd won.
And that's when he grabbed me.
By the time I realized what was happening, Steven had picked me up and thrown me over his shoulder. I gurgled in discomfort, clutching his jacket to keep from falling onto my head.
"PUT ME DOWN GODDAMN IT." The noise in the bar lowered to a hush as Steven marched me out the front door, his arm locked around my knees.
"Get a fuckin' phone call, sayin' ya needed ta be picked up. Sammy said you were trashed. I didn't believe 'im…" He was muttering, but I heard every word.
"Oh no. Harley's havin' fun. Time ta call the fun police." I grunted, smacking his back. "Put me down ya son of a bitch." I hissed with a hard kick of my feet.
To avoid getting nailed in the face, he swung me down to the ground and set me on my feet. Immediately I was shoving him away, but he caught my hands and held them still.
"What the fuck is ya problem, Harley?" He demanded, looking down into my eyes. "Lettin' assholes feel ya up and buy ya drinks?" I tugged on his hold, hissing venom.
"I wasn't lettin' anybody touch me. Get off me." When he complied, I nearly fell on my ass. But Steven steadied me with a gentle hold on my elbow.
"And what, callin' me an asshole is supposed ta be cute?" He asked, frowning as I glared at him.
"Ya deserve a lot worse, baby." I growled, batting him away. Lurching towards my car, I fumbled for the car keys in my pocket. The second I found them, Steven cursed and yanked them from my hands.
"Ya gonna tell me what the fuck you're talkin' about?" He snapped, holding my keys out of reach as I shot him a poisonous stare. My eyes tingled as I thought about the afternoon I'd had. I didn't want to believe that Steven would tell Bones about the beat down I'd had. He knew that we'd dealt with it. He knew that it was none of Bones' business. But that night, as I'd tossed back more and more Jack, I'd come to the conclusion that Rick was right.
Only Billy, Joey, the gang, Charlie St. Claire, and Steven had known. Joey would never tell. Billy had been the one to hide it from Bones to begin with, so he and his gang would never breathe a word. And Charlie had better things to do than tattle to my father. So it all landed on Steven. The man I trusted and loved.
Whipping my bad hand out in front of Steven's face, I shoved the scarred mess into his nose.
"Rick likes my scars." I slurred, ripping my arm away to see his reaction. His forehead worked as he realized what I meant. "I trusted ya." I hissed, tears burning my eyes.
"I had ta tell him, Harley." He murmured, gritting his teeth. "He does business with Charlie. He needed ta know that one of St. Claire's dealers had gone after ya before—"
"OH FUCK OFF." I shouted, shoving him with all my might. "Give me my keys!"
"Fuck that." He spat back. "You're drunk as shit. You'll fuckin' die before ya make the corner." I laughed cruelly and fell back onto the hood of my car.
"BRING IT ON!" I screamed up at the sky. "TAKE YOUR BEST SHOT BIG GUY!" Steven grabbed the front of my jacket and hauled me off the hood, his face a mixture of disgust and fury. I was obviously pushing his limits, but he wasn't going anywhere.
"Ya gonna make me drag ya home, or are ya gonna get in peacefully?" He snarled. I let the tears fall, dripping down my cheeks. I loved him so much, and he was looking at me like I was dirt. I wasn't worth it, was I? Never had been. His entire expression softened and he brushed the hot drips off my face. "Harley, lemme take ya home." His mouth was right there, and I wanted him to kiss my troubles away. And he would, wouldn't he? He'd take me home and make love to me, show me how to forgive him. Show me how he'd had no choice in telling Bones. There was probably something rational behind it all, and he was going to show me.
"Rick kissed me." I murmured. He blinked once, glanced at my mouth, and then blinked again.
"Tell me tomorrow." He whispered. It was a plead. God, now he was hurt… and I was hurt. This was the stuff of great tragedies, wasn't it? We loved each other, but only ended up hurting each other.
I nodded and let him help me to the passenger's seat, sitting softly inside my piece of shit car. He was silent as he circled the front and got in the other side. And we sat there for a moment, saying nothing, doing nothing. Breathing.
"I was in Charlestown today." He murmured, his hands flexing on the steering wheel. "Thought bout ya the whole time."
I wedged myself between the seat and the car door, hiding the pained, pre-sob expression on my face. I'd spent the majority of the day thinking of him as well, but not like he'd thought about me, I'm sure. I was always going to disappoint him, wasn't I?
He started the car and we were on our way, the quiet killing me with each second. I wanted to tell him how much I loved him, how sorry I was for being so irrational. I thought about saying those things for blocks, biting back painful sobs that threatened to break through my chest.
But I never said a word.
