He hadn't let me explain and he hadn't stopped when I begged him too. He had left me alone again. All I was left with was the small steady heartbeat that could go missing any second. I would be left alone.

I was alone now. All I had was a heartbeat.

I dried my tears and entered again. Shikamaru had gone to his father again and they were talking among themselves. I wondered if Shikaku knew and what he was thinking about his only son moving. You couldn't run a clan from another town. They wouldn't perish like the Yamanaka clan might, but he was trained as an heir. It was his duty.

I went over to the one that could cheer me up. He was sitting with his wife eating with that big grin plastered on his face. I plumped down on the free chair by the table.

I smiled at Karui, his wife. She seemed to be glowing like I hadn't. She was handling it better than me. I felt like she was more woman than me, she didn't have problems producing children and her body would never kill the child she was carrying.

"Congratulations are in order."

Choji stopped eating and looked over at me surprised. He looked around to see if there was anyone close by or if he was free to speak. Karui pretended like nothing while her husband looked slightly surprised.

"Did Shika tell you?"

I shook my head no and Choji started looking around the room again.

"My father or mother?"

I shook my head again and he once again looked surprised.

"It's so obvious, I saw it on your face."

"Well, we couldn't let down the Ino-Shika-Cho tradition."

"It wouldn't have mattered."

I blurted it out before thinking it through and Karui looked almost sad and Choji looked over at Shikamaru showing the he already knew. Shikamaru was abandoning the both of us, perhaps I wouldn't be all alone this time.

"He'll be back."

I had a feeling if Shikamaru was allowed to go he would never be back. He wouldn't return so we had to stop him before he ever left, or I would allow him to slip out off my life for good.

"I don't think he will."

Karui looked like she agreed with me but she didn't want to let her husband down.

"I don't think I'll miss him and I'll certainly not run after him when everything blows up in his face in Suna."

Choji turned around and looked at me. His teammates were fighting again and he would most likely be forced to be the broker again. He would listen to both sides, how inconsiderate Shikamaru is and how immature Shikamaru thought I was. It wasn't the first time he had fought, but it might be the last time.

"I'm glad I never fight with any of you."

He should be. Both Shikamaru and I fought dirty and we would have crushed him the first insults we hammered him with. Choji was more fragile than us and that was why we were the perfect team. It would have been a disaster without him. We wouldn't have been anything without him. Team 10 would thrive without Shikamaru. We would flourish. The reminding half of the team could do without.

"You're too kind to fight with."

I pinched his cheek and giggled. Karui joined in on the laugh. She was lucky to have landed the kindest husband to ever walk this planet. Choji was even kinder than Itachi. My laughter died out. I didn't want to think about him, I dreaded telling him. Perhaps I should move with Shikamaru. Never return to this place.

I twirled my hair around my finger. I was glad I hadn't invited him tonight and I hoped nobody else had. He hadn't originally been unwanted. Originally.

I got up not sure where to go next. There weren't anyone I wanted to talk with, there was no one I wanted to see at this party. I just wanted to go home and rest. Take my goodbyes alone.

I checked to find my keys in my pocket. Santa had made a big deal about handing them over to me. Said they had a surprise waiting for me when I got there. He hadn't given any hints as to what, I just hoped it wouldn't be baby related but it was natural to think that it was.

I headed for the doors again when I saw Choji's grandmother make her way over to me. She was probably going to try and touch my belly and tell me it was too small and suggest something I needed to eat to gain weight and grow strong. I didn't need that tonight.

The temperature outside was still good. It wasn't too cold and the short stroll over to the house was pleasant. I could still hear the music and chatter when I reached it. They would probably keep going until the morning and it could take hours before they know I was missing.

The door unlocked and I slipped in. The hall was empty of shoes and jackets. I knew all my possessions were packed away and stored in the basement where father and I would plant seedlings every spring and wait for them to grow strong enough to be planted outside.

There wasn't anyone planting anything here anymore.

I hung my jacket in the closet and entered the hallway leading to the living room. I removed the plastic covering the couch and sat down. I remember how happy I used to be when dad allowed me to eat my dinner in the living room. I felt so big and grown up then and I was terrified of spilling anything and if I did he would never yell but help me clean it up.

I got up before I would fall asleep. I knew there was nothing to see in the kitchen so I went up the stair to find my bedroom.

I opened the door only to find my bed missing. It had been replaced with a crib. A small crib with yellow blankets and a small teddy bear holding a red rose.

"Please stay with me."

I addressed it to my stomach. I knew it wouldn't change anything, but I would never give up hope on her. I would never stop believing she would come out soon enough to join me on the other side of me, join the outside alive when the time was right.

It was too dark in the room to see it all and I felt that the crib had been enough for tonight. I had expected it to irk something inside of me but I was blank. It didn't stir up anything but a question I knew the answer to.

If my bed was missing, where was I supposed to sleep? I knew the house had more than two bedrooms but they were occupied with other things. Only two of the rooms had ever been used as bedrooms so that meant that I was to sleep in the room at the bottom of the hallway. That was my father's room, but I would be the parent now. So they thought.

I turned and walked down into the hallway. I stopped at the bottom looking at the door. I hadn't been in there since father died. I hadn't dared because everything in there was him. It was his room and I wasn't allowed to enter when he wasn't in there. It was where he kept his memories, clothes, things he didn't want me to find but I had no problem finding.

It was his.

I couldn't go in there. I knocked and waited. I knew I would never be told to enter. I waited. I waited but there was no response. I couldn't go in there.

I walked downstairs and lay down on the sofa after brushing my teeth in the kitchen sink. I still hadn't turned on any lights. I was afraid I would see his ghost if I did. I was afraid I had disappointed him in every single way because I had done nothing of what he had wanted me to. I had failed and let down everyone that had ever cared for me.

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TrapQueen1738: I know, even as a writer I'm not liking where this is going. If that makes any sense to you? Probably not, but I'm glad you're still enjoying it.

Emoprincess: I wish Shikamaru would listen too, but yeah, it just had to be done that way. I know, it must take a lot to be part of that celebration. Itachi will know soon enough. Glad to see you again by the way, I was starting to miss you. Hope you're doing better!

Sweetlilly90: I know, that must have cost her so much. I felt horrible writing in the heartbeat parts, it was almost touching. I actually had this whole part with Shikamaru and why he was acting this way, but there wasn't enough time to put it in, so he's that way for a reason. So far it's only the medics that know about it, Itachi will know soon too.