"I'm sorry I forced you to hang out with the girls today," Kurt said a touch guiltily as he and Puck walked out of the mall, hand-in-hand.
"Didn't we already have this discussion, Princess?" Puck asked casually, because he'd had enough of the deep, romantic crap today, but he definitely didn't want to make Kurt upset and want to have more heartfelt conversations.
"And I'm sorry," Kurt continued as if he hadn't heard Puck, "that Mercedes is being so horrible about this whole thing, and I'm sorry that I've made this so complicated, and-"
"Princess, why are you apologizing?" If Puck really wanted to get Kurt's attention, he would call his boyfriend by his proper name.
"I promise this all leads up to something. And no," Kurt said as Puck opened his mouth to ask where they were going, "it has nothing to do with condition five."
"Wasn't even my question."
"Sure it wasn't," Kurt mumbled, but he was smiling. "And I'm sorry that you've had to spend so much time wooing me because you're an asshole." Now he was really smiling.
"Princess, were you eavesdropping?"
"Maybe a little. The reason I'm saying all this, apologizing for all of this, is because I know I can't promise you a clean slate, and you know that too-"
"I think we had this conversation already too."
"Humor me," Kurt said dryly. "What I'm trying to say is, your little semi-romantic speech got me thinking. I miss the days back when we were just friends, when I did smile whenever I thought about you, admittedly with a touch of wickedness."
"A touch?" Puck asked with a snort. Kurt ignored him.
"I miss the days when I didn't have a grudge, and we didn't have problems, and we didn't have to have so many rules to even remotely make this work." Puck froze. Kurt didn't think they worked.
"Are you breaking up with me?" he asked slowly, completely seriously. Still, Kurt laughed.
"No, I'm not breaking up with you, and I'm not getting rid of the rules either. Until I can trust you fully again, they're the best thing for us. Still," Kurt said as they finally reached the car, "I don't want you to be jumping through hoops for me every second of every day, spending money that you earned through reputable or obscene ways-"
"I don't do extras anymore," Puck objected.
"In short, I don't want you to be my bitch!" Well, that was a relief. Part of Puck had wondered if Kurt was enjoying having all of the power. Hopefully, the summary meant this little speech was over.
"Where are we going, Princess?"
"Your house," Kurt answered immediately. "I have an idea."
"Not the fun kind?"
"Depending on your definition of fun," Kurt replied as Puck held the car door open for him (yes, it was a little sappy, but just because Kurt didn't want Puck to be his bitch, didn't mean the jock couldn't be semi-courteous). "I was trying to think, after you gave me this," Kurt held up his right hand where the ring was sitting.
"So, the three seconds between us leaving the jewelry store and when you started talking?" Puck asked with a grin, and Kurt smiled in return.
"And during a little bit of my speech," Kurt said, probably teasing. "Honestly, I wasn't sure where I was going with it at first."
"Not shocking," Puck muttered. As Puck got in the front of his truck, he paused for a second. "What about the Nav?"
"I carpooled with Rachel, listening to her talk about her favorite childhood movies the whole way. Really, it should have been a dead giveaway to her whole Disney thing." Kurt rolled his eyes. "Anyway, I was trying to decide what was the best present I could give you in return, besides sex," Kurt said quickly before Puck could suggest it.
"You read my mind, Princess."
Kurt shrugged. "You do think at a third grade level."
"Cold words, Satan."
"I thought that's what you call Santana."
"Exactly."
"Fair, but I think I came up with a good present for you."
"Care to explain?" Puck asked as he pulled out of the mall parking lot, resisting the urge to flip off the guy who was cutting him off. Seriously, he looked like a stoner who shouldn't even have a driver's license. Where could he possibly need to be in a hurry, besides a parole appointment?
Oh, G-d. He was starting to think like Kurt.
"Maybe," Kurt said with a little smile, and if Puck hadn't known taking his eyes off the road would earn him a lecture, he would have made a face at his boyfriend. "We're going to go to your house and play video games."
"Oh?" Not that that didn't sound awesome, but it wasn't very... unusual.
"As friends," Kurt continued. "You don't have to worry about wooing me, or pissing me off, or doing what I say, or not farting in front of me-yes, I have noticed the expression of pain you make every time you hold one in," Kurt said with a roll of his eyes. "The point is, all the pressure's off. I think it will be fun to just... hang out like we used to, before this whole thing started."
"And you really think we can pull that off? You really think that if I say something to annoy you during this little break, you won't hold it against me later?"
"I really do."
"All right, Princess. Whatever you say." He would definitely test those waters.
"Ew, Puck," Kurt said in a nasally tone, holding his nose. "That's the first thing you choose to do? Really?"
"Had to be done."
Kurt and Puck laughed the whole way home about every ridiculous thing that had happened during the forced shopping trip, Puck constantly bugging Kurt about what Santana had bought. "I'm not telling you," Kurt said for about the millionth time. "Besides, she still has said items, I managed to escape them."
"So that's the reason you wanted to leave early."
"Never tell her."
"Deal," Puck said as they pulled up at his house.
"How's Sarah?" Kurt said as he jumped out of the car, and when Puck frowned at him, Kurt grinned.
"Friends, remember. No door-holding necessary for bros."
"Last time I checked, bros don't kiss."
"Who said you're allowed to kiss me?" Kurt asked, sticking out his tongue at Puck.
"If you're going to stick that thing out, might as well put it to good use."
"Ah, ah, ah," Kurt reprimanded. "Would you say that sort of thing to Finn-actually, yes. Yes, you probably would."
"I probably have."
"You're ridiculous."
"I know."
"I can't believe I didn't realize you were gay until now."
"What happened to condition number nine?"
"Semi-gay?" Kurt didn't bother to make the argument that the conditions didn't hold at the moment.
"Acceptable." Puck unlocked the door, and couldn't resist holding it open for Kurt. The countertenor didn't comment.
"Where's your sister? Shouldn't you go check on her?"
"Yeah, probably. I'll be right back," he said as he headed up the stairs. He hadn't even thought about Sarah since he left.
"You seriously think I'm not coming?"
"The people up here always come."
"That was pathetic, even for you," Kurt replied casually, but his cheeks pinked a little bit, which Puck counted as a win.
"Munster?" he asked as he knocked on the door. "Can I come in?"
"I'm sleeping," was the rather cranky and unconvincing call he got in return.
"How are you feeling, Sarah?" Kurt called through the door, and Puck could picture his sister brightening up at Kurt's voice.
"Hey, Kurt. You can come in, but leave the butthead outside."
"Sarah, be nice to your brother," Kurt said, smiling at Puck. "He's actually a pretty good guys, way, way deep down." Kurt was teasing. Two could play at that game.
"Not something you say about a bro," Puck muttered so Sarah couldn't hear. Kurt rolled his eyes.
"Fine. Let the idiot in," Sarah relented, and Kurt opened the door with a creak. It was pitch black in Munster's room.
"Were you actually sleeping, sweetie?" Kurt approached the bed, kneeling at the head of it and talking directly to Sarah, whom Puck could not see past the mountain of blankets.
"I was going to take a nap, yes, but I'm sure that will be impossible with you two home." It sounded like Munster was rolling her eyes.
"Don't worry. I'm not a typical friend of your brother's," Kurt promised her with a soft smile, and the countertenor was surprisingly good with kids. Especially Sarah, who seemed to love him already.
"I kind of got that. Number one, you have a dick. No offense."
"Sarah!" Kurt objected with a blush.
"Number two, no thumping out of Puck's room yet."
"Puck!" Kurt exclaimed in horror, staring at Puck like he was the worst brother in the world. For a little bit, he probably was.
"She caught me with Santana once," Puck objected, because yeah, he felt kind of awful about that. His kid sister was way too young to know about that, even though she didn't technically know what the thumping was from. Hopefully.
"Poor Sarah," Kurt said, petting his sister's hair. "Don't you worry about that anymore." That secretly meant Puck was going to have to wait even longer to bang his headboard against the wall now that Kurt knew that. Awesome. "Get some rest, Sarah, I promise we'll be quiet. Are you feeling any better?"
"A little," Sarah said, her eyes fluttering shut. "Thanks, Kurt."
"No problem, sweetie." Kurt gave Munster a quick kiss on the forehead before standing up and ushering Puck out of the room.
"My little sister loves you, doesn't she?" Puck said with a sigh as they headed back downstairs.
"Yes, but that's because I don't have to enforce bedtime."
"True."
Puck started setting up the Wii for Super Mario Galaxy, and Kurt started getting snacks (popcorn, chips, and pretty much every other unhealthy thing he would normally refuse to eat). "Are you doing anything for Rachel's 'Disney' thing?" Kurt asked, obviously just making conversation in the mostly-comfortable silence.
"I'm working on something new-Disney with Finn because he's still working to get in Rachel's graces."
"I thought things were going well in try number... I've lost count."
"We all have. They're fucked up as hell. The bottom line is, yeah."
"Am I allowed to know what you're singing?"
"Only significant others are allowed to know what," Puck teased, but Kurt ignored it. "What about you?"
"Well, absolutely nothing I do will make it onto any final setlist, because Rachel's annoyed with me and Mr. Schue's a devout favoritist, and yes, I know that's not a word, but if I were to do a song, I would probably do I Can't Believe My Heart from Hercules."
"I've... never heard of that. And Hercules is Munster's favorite movie."
"It was cut from the commercial release," Kurt said with a laugh. "You can look it up on Youtube."
"What's it about?"
"Only significant others are allowed to know that," Kurt mimicked him, and apparently he was listening. The countertenor sighed as he looked at the Wii Menu, for some weird reason. "It's crazy how obsessed you are with this game. And I'm not talking normal male-crazy, or Mercedes-crazy, or even Quinn-crazy. I'm talking Rachel-crazy."
"That's cold, Hummel," Puck said as Kurt sat down next to him on the couch with the other remote and put one of his weird-flavored-but-always-delicious bowls of popcorn on the coffee table. "Thanks," he said automatically, leaning over to give his boyfriend a soft, chaste kiss and feeling like a total sap for doing so.
Kurt didn't stop him. "What happened to being bros?"
"Bros kiss," Puck said weakly, and Kurt raised both eyebrows impossibly high, "when dared."
"Nice save," Kurt said dryly, but he was smiling. They sat looking at each other for a long, slightly-electrified moment, then Puck turned back to start the game. Kurt's voice stopped him. "I dare you to kiss me."
There was no way he was saying 'no' to that.
Kurt's fingers played at the base of his mohawk as they kissed, his other hand fisted in the shirt covering Puck's lower back. Puck had placed his own hands on Kurt's waist, and every few minutes he had to drag his hands upwards, fighting old habits. This had dragged up at least two of Kurt's layers, and Puck had yet to feel skin. Kurt was a pretty good kisser for someone with little experience, if a little bit shy. "Mm, Noah," he muttered out as Puck kissed at his jaw and neck, knowing that Kurt, Finn, and Burt would kill him if he left any marks on the countertenor's neck.
Kurt would kill him for thinking it, but making out with his boyfriend on the couch to the tune of the Super Mario Galaxy theme song was a lot like all the times he'd made out with Rachel while they were briefly dating. The fact that he was thinking like this while kissing Kurt was the perfect example. It wasn't exactly boring (Kurt was an awesome kisser, and super into it), but it was still just kissing, and yeah, Puck was used to more, so maybe he was a little bored. At least Kurt wasn't thinking about Finn. Probably.
'I dare you to kiss me,' as cute as the line had been, was probably Kurt's attempt to get out of playing Super Mario Galaxy, but Puck was about eighty percent sure he would rather be doing this, so he played along, kissing Kurt and sliding a hand around his waist. He didn't exactly want to mount his boyfriend (since that was probably crossing the damn line), so Puck maneuvered Kurt under him laying on the couch, and they'd probably been making out for... an hour or so, judging by the number of times he'd heard that damn theme song. Of course, being a virgin, Kurt had twisted his hips away so Puck wasn't exactly sure how into it his boyfriend really was, but he was pretty certain Kurt was interested, judging by the breathy sounds he made every time Puck slid his hands up the countertenor's waist.
"Ehm-ehm," Kurt cleared his throat rather loudly, and Puck snapped back to reality to realize that Kurt had pulled away and he hadn't noticed. "Do I want to know where your head is?" The countertenor's voice kind of implied that he assumed Puck's head was up a cheerleader's skirt, or something equally as unacceptable.
'Rachel,' would be the worst answer of all time, and 'bored-land' was a close second, so Puck settled on, "Away." Kurt didn't look happy, but he didn't look angry. He was biting his upper lip.
"Is something wrong? Am I boring you?" There was no way Puck could answer yes to either of those questions without getting his ass kicked by his scrawny boyfriend. Instead of answering, Puck leaned down to kiss Kurt, trying to get back in the swing of things, but Kurt's glare was an excellent deterrent. "Condition seven," was all Kurt had to say, and Puck realized exactly how annoyed the countertenor was.
"I'm fine, princess," he tried to brush off the incident, but Kurt didn't look convinced, propping himself up on his elbows and making it pretty much impossible for the jock to distract his boyfriend with his lips.
"Really? Because I've seen you making out with Santana at least a few times in Glee due to boredom with the club, and I'e never seen you look this uninterested." Kurt was comparing himself to Santana? This wouldn't end well.
"That's mostly because my hands were up her skirt." Kurt wrinkled his nose. "Sorry, princess, but I don't think I've done the cheesy 'making out but no further' thing since middle school."
"Well, that's just disturbing," Kurt said dryly, but he was smiling. "You're an idiot, you know that?"
What Puck didn't know was why Kurt looked happy about it. "Gotta love it, Princess."
"Uh-huh," Kurt said, pushing Puck back when he tried to kiss Kurt again. "Come on, I know you've been thinking about playing Super Mario Galaxy this whole time." Not exactly true, but he definitely wasn't going to correct the countertenor.
"You're awesome," Puck said, and when he went to kiss Kurt that time the countertenor allowed it.
Once Kurt had thoroughly kicked his ass and bragged about it for the appropriate amount of time (since, as he put it, he didn't have to worry about hurting Puck's baby feelings while only his bro), they were just relaxing on the couch.
"High School Musical," Puck said to break the silence.
"Pardon?" There was the raised eyebrow he had expected.
"Finn and I are doing something from High School Musical." Kurt cracked up laughing.
"One or two?"
"There are actually three."
"Oh my GaGa."
"Hey, I have a little sister, I have an excuse to know that."
"How often does he use me as an excuse?" a little voice asked from behind them, and they both turned around to see Sarah, wrapped up in a blanket with a red nose and looking like the most adorable thing Puck had ever seen.
"Far too often," Kurt said with a smile, patting the couch next to him. There went any chance of Puck kissing his boyfriend again. "Every time he mentions something embarrassing that I know he secretly likes, he blames his knowledge of it on you."
"I hope people don't really believe him," Munster said, grabbing the dregs of their popcorn with her infected little hands.
"Of course they don't," Kurt said, looking over at Puck with a fond smile. "We all know he's secretly a dork and a sap." Puck punched his boyfriend in the arm (lightly, the way he would fist bump someone), and Kurt glared at him.
"Problem, bro?" he asked and Kurt rolled his eyes.
"He's not-so-secretly an idiot too."
"So, what song from High School Musical?" Sarah asked. "And yes, I actually do like it."
"It's acceptable at your age," Kurt said with a smile. Puck was kind of caught between a rock and a hard place here. He wanted to keep teasing Kurt by withholding things from him, but his sister had the most adorable puppy dog eyes, and she had no qualms about using them on him to get whatever she wanted.
"The Boys are Back," he answered his sister, but Kurt couldn't make fun of him, because he had never heard of the third movie.
"Sounds very manly." Or not.
"Shut up, princess."
"Do you call all of your bros princess?" Kurt teased, and Puck wanted to bang his head against a wall. But Sarah was giggling and Kurt was smiling, and it was creepily domestic in a good way.
"Do you sing?" Sarah asked Kurt, tugging on his sleeve, and if it had been anyone else, Kurt probably would have objected to rough treatment of his clothes. He had bitched Puck out about wrinkles after their little make-out session. Kurt had also already sang for his little wiser, but Sarah had probably been so delirious she didn't remember it.
Kurt nodded. "That's how I know your brother. I'm part of his Glee club."
"Sing for me," she demanded, but Kurt was probably the second-to-last person on the planet to reject a performance opportunity (the last being Rachel, of course).
"What would you like to hear, sweetie?" he asked.
"Something from High School Musical," she demanded again, and Kurt looked at Puck helplessly.
"Munster, go get Kurt the sheet music books I bought you for Christmas," Puck requested of his sister, and she rushed upstairs at a pace much quicker than what would be expected of someone that sick.
"You're a good brother," was all Kurt said as his little sister ran to her room.
"You don't sound surprised."
"You're a good person."
"Glad you think so."
"I know so," Kurt said vehemently. "Noah, I know you've been through a lot, and we've been through a lot, and you've done quite a bit, but I also know that you're an amazing person despite all of your flaws. You're funny, if a bit crude, courteous, supportive, comforting, fearless-"
"The word is badass, princess."
"My apologies," Kurt said dryly. "You're dynamic and loyal and passionate and clever and understanding and self-confident, though cocky is the better word, and semi-romantic-"
"You're making me sound like a really awesome puppy."
"And sweet and funny and gorgeous and tough and sexy," Kurt added with an affectionate roll of his eyes.
"Better," Puck said, giving his boyfriend a quick kiss. He had plenty to say to Kurt about his little impromptu speech, but he was interrupted by a fake-gagging sound behind him. "Munster, the adults are allowed to kiss."
"You're not an adult," Sarah claimed as she hopped between them on the couch, almost landing her elbow rather unfortunately in Puck's lap and forcing them to slide apart. "This one," she said decisively, opening up the blue book with six lame kid's characters on it. "Sing this one."
"Princess, your parts would be Gabriella or... what's the weird little pianist's name?"
"Kelsi," Munster replied.
"Right. Gabriella or Kelsi." Kurt was trying to hide his smile at the fact that Puck knew most of the names. "Shut up and sing Hummel."
"I didn't say anything," Kurt said, scanning over the sheet music.
"It goes like-"
"I got this, Puckerman."
Na, na, na, na
Na, na, na, na, yeah
You are the music in me
You know the words 'once upon a time'
Make you listen
There's a reason
When you dream, there's a chance you'll find
A little laughter or happy ever after
Even without knowing what he was singing (just because Kurt had heard of High School Musical 2, didn't mean he was actually familiar with the music), Kurt sounded pretty awesome, and Munster was staring at him with impressed bug-eyes.
You're harmony to the melody
That's echoing inside my head
A single voice (single voice)
Above the noise
And like a common thread
Hmm, you're pulling me
Kurt was smiling at him, but it was mostly a smirk because Puck knew all of the damn words without having to look at the book that was spread out across Sarah's lap. It really was his evil little sister's fault for watching the movies over and over again in the living room while he was trying to clean or do homework or stuff. Whatever. Any chance to flirt with Kurt was a good one.
When I hear my favorite song
I know that we belong
Oh, you are the music in me
Yeah, it's living in all of us
And it's brought us here because (because)
You are the music in me
Na, na, na, na (ohh)
Na, na, na, na, na
Yeah, yeah, yeah (na, na, na, na)
You are the music in me
It's like I knew you before we met (before we met)
Can't explain (ohh, ohh)
There's no name for it (no name for it)
I'm singing words I never said
And it was easy (so easy)
Because you see the real me (I see)
As I am, you understand
And that's more than I've ever known
Okay, now he would have to kill his little sister for making things awkward. Gabriella and Troy, for all that he hated their guts because they were Disney characters, were actually a reasonably functional couple who were in love. He and Kurt were not, and it would have been one of the most awkward verses of his life if Kurt had been looking at him. Instead, his awesome boyfriend/bro-por-tempore was singing to his little sister, who still looked totally entranced by his voice.
To hear your voice (hear your voice)
Above the noise (ohh, ohh)
And know I'm not alone
Oh, sing it to me (ohh, yeah)
When I hear my favorite song
I know that we belong (yeah, ohh)
You are the music in me
It's living in all of us
And it's brought us here because
You are the music in me
Puck cut Kurt off right there, partially because he couldn't stand another second of High School Musical, even if it was coming out of his own mouth, and partially because the next part involved a chorus and instruments and was like a minute and a half long.
"You're amazing," Sarah said as soon as Kurt stopped singing. "'Tana can sing too, but you sing way better."
"Never tell Santana that. Ever," Kurt stressed to Munster, but he was smiling and joking. Santana probably wouldn't kill Sarah for realizing that Kurt was a better singer than the scary Latina. Probably. "I guess the New Directions will get a treat hearing you and Finn sing something from that wonderful musical at rehearsal."
"Shut up," Puck grumbled.
"Don't be such a poor sport just because your sister and I always seem to get the best of you," Kurt said teasingly, but he smiled softly and Puck couldn't exactly be mad.
"Two against one," Puck complained, but he stood up. "Do you want anything, Munster?"
"You to leave so I can watch a High School Musical marathon in peace," Munster said dryly, and she already had the dry Puckerman sense of humor.
"Should've been that one coming," he muttered to himself as he stood, because his sister always sat around and watched kiddie movies when she was sick (since she was a kid), and Puck had probably made the decision on what movies she should watch accidentally. "Come on, Princess, we'll leave Munster alone." Puck held out his hand to Kurt.
"Kurt can stay," Sarah corrected Puck's assumption, making his boyfriend laugh.
"I appreciate the offer, Sarah, but I think Noah and I have to have a grown-up talk upstairs," Kurt said, taking Puck's hand and letting the jock help him off the couch. Fuck, what had he done now?
"The same kind of grown-up talk you have with all your girl friends?" Just from Sarah's stare, Puck could tell she was smart enough to separate the term into two words.
"No," Kurt answered before Puck could, "definitely not." Kurt leaned down and kissed Sarah's forehead. "We'll be down to check on you later, I promise."
"So, 'grown-up talk' is the euphemism you usually use with Sarah? That would have been nice to tell me before I used the phrase," Kurt said, sounding a little annoyed as Puck closed the door of his room behind them. He had cleaned up a little now that he had a boyfriend who was sporadically obsessive about neatness.
"Are you annoyed with me or something?"
"No," Kurt replied, but he didn't sound entirely convincing.
"What's our grown-up conversation then?" Puck really didn't want to talk any more about feelings. It would probably kill him.
"I assumed you had something to say to me," was all Kurt said, and that wasn't exactly a helpful answer.
"So are you my boyfriend right now, or my bro, or what?" Oddly, that made Kurt smile and laugh a little.
"I guess my whole 'just friends for a bit' thing didn't really work, did it?"
"You dared me to kiss you. I don't have that kind of willpower." Kurt was still smiling.
"I'm sorry-"
"Don't start apologizing again, princess. The only reason we can't act like bros is because we make out, and isn't that what a relationship is supposed to be like if you don't fuckin' over think it? It's supposed to be like best friends that have sex, right?"
"The best friends things is easy, and the sex thing is not happening at the moment, it's the feelings that are the problem," Kurt admitted.
"Then why do we have to talk about them so much?"
"Because otherwise you'll go back to convincing yourself that you don't have any." That was an annoyingly valid point. "Noah, I care about you and I wish we didn't have all these stupid rules designed to keep us together, but you're a flight risk and I'm too afraid of being hurt again."
"So how about we act like this whenever we don't have to talk about damn feelings?"
"I think I can agree to that," Kurt said with a smile, giving Puck a quick kiss.
"What the hell am I supposed to be talking about?" Puck asked after several failed attempts to convince Kurt to make out again (drifting off mid-session hadn't exactly helped his cause earlier).
"Well, forgive me for assuming, but I thought you would have something to say about me listing all the things that make you a great person." Oh. That.
"You don't know everything, by the way." Okay, that was not an appropriate reaction.
"That's true," Kurt said calmly, sitting down on Puck's bed. "I don't know why you stopped going to fight club, and why you worked so hard to get with Quinn, and I don't know what's going on inside your head right now."
"Finn told you about fight club, didn't he?"
"He didn't use those exact words, but it doesn't take a rocket scientist to put together ditching the team every night and coming to school with bruises the next morning."
"I should punch him."
"Bet you won't," Kurt said with a smile.
"Wouldn't be the first time."
"Now you're just lying. Even when Finn hit you, you didn't hit him back."
"I deserved it."
"I can't argue with that."
"Thanks, babe."
"You impregnated his girlfriend!" Kurt sighed. "You're getting me off topic, aren't you?"
"It was working."
"I'm not the only one who thinks you're a good person, even if you don't. Rachel, Quinn, even Finn has good things to say about you when you're not around. Yes, Quinn was a big mistake for all involved, but all's well that ends well."
"How is breaking up Quinn and Finn and giving up a baby ending well?"
"Because Quinn and Finn were a nightmare to begin with, and you made the right choice, Noah," Kurt said softly, and why the fuck were they talking about this? "You're a great person, and a great sister, and I know you'll make a great father someday, but you're still a kid yourself. You shouldn't have a kid of your own."
"Why the fuck are we talking about this?" Puck tried not to raise his voice, but Kurt didn't look concerned.
"Because you don't believe that you're a good guy, and I do," Kurt said simply.
"I used to throw you in dumpsters."
"Which means if anyone has a right to be critical of you, it's me, but I'm not."
"Not anymore."
"And you don't throw me in dumpsters anymore. I think our dynamic has changed a little."
"You're still afraid of me," Puck said flatly, and Kurt sighed.
"No, I'm not."
"You're still afraid of my temper."
"Your temper has gotten better."
"You know, there are things you haven't told me, either."
"Your attention span is about as long as Finn's."
"Remember how scared you got when I pinned you up against your car? You've still never told me who." Kurt looked a little like a deer in quite a few headlights. "I told you I don't have the memory of a goldfish."
"I haven't told you about that because it's still not any of your business, and that doesn't count as conclusive proof that I'm scared of you. That was months ago, before I even had feelings for you, and definitely before you had them for me." Puck didn't bother to correct Kurt, to tell his boyfriend that he had probably been harboring a little crush on Kurt for a long time, because he was always focused on how Kurt was feeling and doing, had noticed all of his little ticks and how excellent he was at lying and reflecting, had hated Blaine on sight despite how happy the idiot had originally made Kurt... It didn't matter.
"Princess, what happened to condition seven?"
"I'm not lying to you, I'm just refusing to tell you the truth."
"Do we have punishments for breaking the conditions?" Puck asked with a grin.
"Get your mind out of the gutter, Noah," Kurt said with a roll of his eyes, but then he sighed and patted the bed next to him. Ever his obedient bitch-boy, Puck sat down next to him. "If you knew who had kissed me, you would kill them, and then I would be responsible for you going back to juvie and then spending the rest of your life in jail."
"What happened to my temper getting better?"
"I haven't even told Finn who it was, because he would do the same. And he's much more easy-going than you are." Kurt smiled at him softly. "There are many great things about you, but the last word I would use to describe you is passive." Fair enough.
"What if I promised not to kill this guy? Or brutally maim him, or anything?"
"Well, I suppose if you promised..." Kurt seemed to be considering it, "I guess my answer will have to be... no. How stupid do you think I am?"
Kurt and Noah had been in Noah's room for at least most of High School Musical one, judging by how much they could hear through the floor, when Kurt and Noah's phones both rang simultaneously, Rachel calling both of them.
"Crazy alert," Kurt said with a sigh as he picked up. He loved his best friend, but sometimes she was just too crazy to be real.
"Party line alert!" Rachel was saying as he picked up. "I'm just going to wait for everyone else to pick up."
"Noah's not going to pick up," Kurt said to the crazy soprano, "he's here with me."
"Well, I hope I interrupted something," Rachel said cattily.
"Rachel, be nice," Finn said from somewhere on the other end of Rachel's party line.
"I'm with white girl on this one," Mercedes added.
"If you two really were up to something, please continue for the listening pleasure of the rest of us." That was Santana.
"Ew!"
"Gross!"
"Santana, unnecessary!"
"Wanky."
"Tina!"
"That's what I'm talking about."
"This is extremely disturbing for the guys on here," Artie added to the girls' outpouring.
"Everyone's here now," Rachel announced. "The purpose of this phone call is not to point out all of the fatal flaws in Kurt's misguided romance with Noah, but rather to set up the next summer rehearsal. As many of you already know, the theme is Disney, but I urge all of you not to limit yourselves to classic Disney and explore the cheesy world of modern Disney, trying to find a jewel in the rough."
"Did she seriously just make an Aladdin joke?" Kurt asked his boyfriend.
"I heard that! Does Sunday at noon work for everyone?"
"I'm working at the shop," Kurt said immediately.
"Kurt, we all know your schedule with your father is malleable."
"I tried the same thing, dude."
"Sorry you're in the doghouse, Finnessa," Noah added.
"If no one has any real conflicts, our next rehearsal will be Sunday at noon. Please prepare a plethora of songs, and in return I will make macaroni and cheese and buy soda."
"Bribing us with food, Berry?" Noah asked.
"Would you show up if I didn't?" Rachel's question was met with a resounding 'no.' "Exactly."
"Oh, Hummel, before I forget, you forgot the sexy underwear you bought for Puck when you escaped our shopping trip to have sex with him." Santana's comment caused an outcry, so Kurt just held the phone a little farther away from them.
"What sexy underwear?" Noah asked with a predatory grin.
"The kind you won't be seeing for a long time if you keep looking at me like that," Kurt said as the objections from the phone continued. "Santana bought them for me because she finds others' embarrassment amusing."
"Yeah, I know," Noah said with a roll of his eyes. "Crazy Latina bitch."
"You do know she can hear you, right?"
"I've said worse to her face."
"I believe it," Kurt said with a roll of his eyes, but Noah looked mischievous and adorable, and the countertenor really didn't want to return to the pipeline conversation among all of the New Directions. "And we didn't come here to have sex," he said into the phone.
"Deny that you're in his room right now, all alone." Shoot.
"We're clothed," Kurt countered.
"Well, virgin, unless you've been spending too much time listening to Panic! At the Disco, even you should know there's all sorts of fun things you can do with your clothes on."
"Like sit around and talk about feelings and care for Noah's sick little sister?"
"Is Munster all right?" Santana asked, abandoning their little war of words.
"She's just got the flu."
"Give her my best."
"Of course, Satan."
"Rehearsal will be on Sunday at noon! Don't be late!" Rachel almost yelled before hanging up the party line, obviously annoyed.
"It is far too easy to get under that girl's skin," Kurt said, putting his phone next to Noah's on the jock's bedside table.
Noah smirked, moving a little closer to Kurt on the bed and putting his hand on Kurt's hip, tracing the line of his jeans. "I can't believe you bought sexy underwear."
"Like you'll ever see them," Kurt muttered against his boyfriend's lips as Puck leaned in to kiss him, hard and hot and dirty. "Try not to get bored this time," he said with a smirk of his own as Noah pushed him back against the pillows.
"Oh, shut up."
"Bubala, are you ready for... oh." Puck had never realized how strong Kurt was, but the tiny countertenor practically threw the much larger jock off him when they were interrupted by Ruth's voice. "I suppose I should have knocked, huh?" Puck's mother sounded amused.
"Ms. Puckerman, we were just-"
"I've had two children, Kurt, I know what you were doing." Kurt flushed and buried his face in his hands, making Ruth laugh. "Bubala, dinner will be ready in about five minutes. Are you staying, Kurt?"
"I wouldn't want to impose," Kurt said, still hiding his face.
"Nonsense. It's nice that my son is... entertaining someone I don't mind having in my house for longer than it takes for him to be done."
"Ma!"
"Sorry, sorry. Kurt, you're more than welcome to stay, I'm sure it would make both Noah and Sarah very happy. Noah, respect our guest," she said threateningly before leaving, closing the door behind her.
"I can't believe your mother just walked in on us," Kurt muttered, still talking into his hands. Puck rolled his eyes (since Kurt couldn't see him), and peeled the countertenor's pale hands off his eyes.
"We were just kissing, Kurt, relax. I'm pretty sure my mother knows I'm not entirely innocent." Kurt was glaring at him. "What?"
"Just because your mother knows that you entertain house guests, doesn't mean I want her to group me in with your sluts."
"I'm absolutely positive she doesn't, princess."
Kurt sighed. "Does she always call you bubala?"
"Yeah, it's a Yiddish pet name."
"What does it mean?"
"Dear or sweetheart or darling; you know, mom stuff."
"Well, isn't that just the most adorable thing!"
"Shut up, princess."
"What's for dinner, ma?" Noah asked as he held a chair out for Kurt to sit down before grabbing the silverware and napkins and beginning to set the table.
"Kneidlach soup for your sister's health, knishes, and milk for you, no sports drinks."
"If there's chicken in those knishes, isn't that technically prohibited?" Noah asked his mother with a smirk.
"If you're making that cocky face of yours behind my back, I will whack you with this ladle, Noah Puckerman. I don't care that your boyfriend is here, and I decide what's best for your health."
"For the record, I'm fine with you whacking him with a ladle, Mrs. Puckerman," Kurt added, and Ruth smiled.
"Thanks, Kurt," Noah said sarcastically. "See, she's the reason I'm a bad Jew."
"Meat and dairy are both staples of the human diet. I personally don't see why we can't eat them together as long as I'm not using the same pots and pans for them. All food mixes together in the stomach anyway." Ruth's logic was both semi-religious and flawless.
"Munster, mach shnel, dinner time."
"What're we having?" Sarah asked as she paused High School Musical 2 and headed into the kitchen, still wrapped in a blanket.
"Jewish penicillin and chicken knishes, with some very un-kosher milk." Sarah grinned at her brother as she sat down.
"Hey, Kurt, you're still here?"
"He's one of the select few special friends of Noah's that gets to stay for dinner," Ruth said as she served her daughter a pipping hot bowl of... something Kurt couldn't quite make out that had thus far been called by two different unrecognizable names, and Noah put a big glass of milk in front of his sister and a considerably less full one in front of his own place next to Kurt before sitting down. He gave Kurt a quick kiss on the cheek as Ruth served the countertenor his food.
"What is this?" Kurt whispered to his boyfriend, trying to be quiet as not to be rude, but Noah's loud laugh rather ruined his attempts.
"Matzah ball soup is the most common name for it. Ma makes it with chicken broth, parsley, celery, and carrots, as well as matzah balls. Matzah balls are made of... what are they made of again?" he asked his mother.
"Flour, water, and a touch of egg."
"I called it Jewish penicillin because it's supposed to cure whatever ails you. It's just a bobbemyseh." Kurt could imply for Noah's tone what that meant.
"I distinctly recall matzah balls saving you from a case of mono, Noah," Ruth said with a smile as she placed a bowl in front of her son and then one at her own place, putting a plate of little dumplings in the middle.
"Those are knishes," Noah said as he grabbed a few. "They're potato and flour stuffed with onion, cheese, and Ma put in chicken, which is very Torah-bad."
"I make the rules, Noah."
"I'm not against it," Noah claimed. "You know how excellently I follow the rules on my own."
"Vilda chaya," Ruth said with a harumph. Sarah snorted.
"They're really good. Try one," Noah said, picking one up and holding it out towards his boyfriend. Kurt went to grab it. "Nuh-huh, Hummel, try it," Noah said, pulling it away from his hand and pressing it to his lips. Kurt didn't really have any other choice but to take a bite, trying not to spill crumbs on the floor and very aware of Ruth's eyes on them.
"That's really good," Kurt said after taking a bite, holding a hand to his mouth so he wouldn't show Sarah and Ruth his half-chewed food.
"Kvell," Ruth said under her breath. Noah and Kurt both looked at her, Kurt in confusion and Noah in amusement.
"What does that mean?" Kurt asked anyone who would tell him.
"Praise. Pride. Whichever. Basically, it means Ma's glad I'm done with nafkas." Sarah laughed. "Munster, you should not know what that word means."
"Maybe you should tell your faygala what that means," Sarah said with a grin.
"Luzzem, both of you."
"I'm going to start learning Yiddish so I can keep track of the conversation in this household."
"At least you know what language it is," Sarah said consolingly.
"Can we all speak English in front of the shaygetz?" Noah asked his family, and Ruth smiled.
"I think we've messed with his head enough, yes." Kurt looked around and noticed that besides the bite of knish Noah had fed him, no one had eaten. "On the one hand, I feel compelled to make you momzers pray to make sure you remember how, but on the other hand I don't want our atheistic friend to feel uncomfortable, so we'll pray at breakfast tomorrow. Review your prayers." Noah and Sarah both groaned, but they started in on their food with relish.
"Mrs. Puckerman, you don't have to refrain on my account."
"Too late. Could you pass the knishes, sweetie?" As Kurt passed the little dumplings, Ruth returned to chastising her kids. "Stop freesing, bubalas. Noah, at least ess in front of your boyfriend."
"Mrs. Puckerman, I'm sure you've entertained Finn many times during Noah's childhood. He is my brother. There's no form of eating that could possibly offend me more than Finnegan does on a near-daily basis." Kurt had at least gotten the general gist of that one.
Ruth chuckled at that. "True. How is Finnegan? I haven't seen him around here in a while." That comment probably wasn't intended to make Noah feel guilty, but he looked rather guilty. "Also, call me Ruth, sweetie. With any hope, Noah will have the saykhel to keep you around for a while."
"Ma, English."
"Hush, bubala. Maybe if you had corrected me before, instead of having your face stuffed with knish, I would have learned." Kurt giggled and Noah rolled his eyes.
"Finn is great. He and Rachel are back together-"
"Mazel tov to them."
"Ma!"
"Even Kurt knows what that means, bubala."
"He's still playing football and leading Glee and very much enjoying being the Pied Piper, even more so now that he's a senior." Ruth smiled at that.
"He's a good kid, Finn."
"Love you too, ma."
"Hush, bubala." Ruth chastised her son softly, and Kurt took Noah's hand under the table. The jock hated it when he was supposedly compared to Finn. "So, tell me about yourself. All I know about you is you're Elizabeth Hummel's son, and you've tamed my oldest momzer." Kurt wasn't sure what that meant, but it didn't sound very complimentary.
"I'm Noah's same age, we're in Glee club together, I used to be the kicker for the football team but it turned out to not be exactly my style, I was briefly a cheerleader, I work as a mechanic at my father's shop downtown-"
"And he occasionally babbles when he's nervous," Noah finished his thought for him, squeezing his hand. "Relax, babe, she already likes you. If she didn't, you would know. She's said some nasty things about some of the girls I've brought home."
"I'm sure you've brought home some pretty nasty girls," Kurt replied quickly, and Noah grinned.
"Very true."
"Can we not talk about all of dork's special friends, please? They give me the heebie jeebies."
"What, you don't have a Yiddish term for that?" Kurt asked before he could even think about it, but it thankfully made the whole Puckerman family laugh.
"This was nice. In a totally sappy, pathetic way," Puck said on his boyfriend's doorstep. Munster and Ma were at home, watching High School Musical 3: Senior Year together, but since Kurt had carpooled with Rachel that morning and then they had taken Puck's truck to his house, Puck had been able to avoid watching with them by the excuse he had to take Kurt home at an appropriate time.
"Glad you had fun," Kurt said with a smile, "even if you don't want to admit it."
"Shut up," Noah complained. "I can't believe we spend the whole day together."
"I know. Isn't it terrible that relationships take longer than random hook-ups?" Kurt said sarcastically. "I should go inside, my father will be terribly worried."
"Does he know we're back together?"
"Define know."
"Oy vez mear."
"What happened to English?"
"It's less dramatic than Yiddish."
"I'll take your word for it." Kurt smiled up at him. "I know you're being sarcastic, but I really did have fun today."
"Good." Puck didn't ask if this counted as date night, or if he still had to spend more time with the girls, or anything. At the moment, none of the conditions really seemed important. He wasn't sure who moved first, but they were kissing, soft and sappy and clearly not leading anywhere. Kurt pulled away when the curtains opened, Burt staring out at them unimpressed.
"Goodnight, Noah."
"Goodnight," Puck said, and he watched his boyfriend walk in the door, knowing Kurt would probably have to deal with a bunch of crap from Burt about them being together. Tomorrow probably wouldn't be a fun day.
A/N: Aaaaand... done! Obviously not with the story (though I'm wrapping it up, I assure you), but with this chapter. I'm sorry this took so long, inspiration was withholding itself. Still, I like this chapter. It's slow-moving, but it's sweet and cute and filled to the brim with Puckermans. I enjoy the Puckermans.
Songs used/mentioned:
'I Can't Believe My Heart' from Hercules (mentioned)
Super Mario Galaxy Theme Song (mentioned)
'The Boys are Back' from High School Musical 3: Senior Year
'You Are the Music in Me' from High School Musical 2
'Lying is the Most Fun a Girl Can Have Without Taking Her Clothes Off' by Panic! At the Disco (joked about)
The Yiddish (I had fun with this)
Bubala - dear, darling, sweetheart
Kneidlach - matzah balls
Mach Shnel - hurry up
Bobbeyseh - old wife's tale
Vidla Chaya - wild animal
Kvell - to beam with pride or pleasure
Nafkas - whores
Faygala - male homosexual (literally little bird, which I just thought was adorable)
Luzzem - leave him be, let him or her alone
Shaygetz - a gentile male/clever lad or rascal
Momzer - bastard or untrustworthy person
Freesing - eating like an animal
Ess - eat like a human
Saykhel - common sense
Mazel Tov - good luck or congratulations
Oy Vez Mear - oh, woe is me
Reviews are Love.
