In a parched, yellowed field, metal thudded on metal. A guttural cry pierced the air, sword ripping through a knight's convulsing body. The theater let out a collective gasp as the man frothed his last words.
And Merlin wiggled in his seat.
The Cinema was a local treasure. A three-room structure from the nineteen-thirties, its lobby plastered with posters from a bygone area. Merlin had frequented the place before. Killing Sunday nights at their silent film screenings. The draw of the theater was its vintage charm, but that was also its major flaw. In preserving the building's history, the original seats were kept; coarse wooden slabs without the luxury of padding or drink holders. Merlin was only half an hour into the film and already his attention span had worn as thin as his comfort.
He wrinkled his nose at the screen, folding a crane out of his gum wrapper. "These garments aren't period appropriate," he whispered to Lancelot on his right. "Nylon didn't exist in that time period, it's a synthetic polymer."
Lancelot nodded politely, but Merlin wasn't convinced the brown haired man was listening. He'd invited Lance with the expectation that he'd be equally bored by the medieval gore fest. Lance's unblinking gaze told Merlin otherwise.
When a flight of dragons descended, Gwen cuddled into Arthur's shoulder. Merlin and Lance frowned in unison as she made an assault on Arthur's lips, Merlin trying his best to mentally deafen to the smacking sound the kissing made.
Wondering if the spectacle was as torturous for Lance as it was for him.
He knew that the affection was for Arthur at least, a necessity rather than a pleasure. But that didn't make any of it easier to watch. He unfolded his gum wrapper crane, imagining what would happen after the movie. Arthur retreating to Gwen's big featherbed after a few drinks, Merlin to his pathetic single mattress-alone.
After Merlin had seen as much PDA as he could stomach, he cleared his throat and announced loudly, "I can't believe I just saw four-square holes buttons on that dress! You'd think the costumer would know buttons from that time period were mounted on a shank, not-"
Arthur pulled back from Gwen, as if on cue. "Give it a rest, Merlin, and eat some popcorn!"
Merlin cracked his gum as another head rolled across the screen. "I'd love to, but someone put butter on it."
The edge of Arthur's mouth twitched. He let go of Gwen's hand; turned to Merlin on his right and asked, "How was I supposed to know you don't eat butter?"
"Butter, Arthur. It's in a food group called dairy-"
Gwen squealed. "That dragon's going to chomp Orlando!" she cried, pulling herself back into Arthur's arms.
Lancelot pushed Merlin's legs down, leaning over the skinny man's lap. "Don't worry Gwen, he's the title character," he commiserated. "Movies never kill off their title characters."
"What about 'One Flew Over The Cuckoo's' nest?" Merlin replied. "And 'Dancer In The Dark', 'The Shining'- Oh and 'Romeo and Juliet'. Both main characters kick the bucket in that one-"
Arthur smiled, first with his eyes and then with his lips. "Aren't we cheery?" He said, flicking a piece of popcorn at Merlin's head.
"Gross!" Merlin frowned, blowing a giant pink bubble. "That piece had butter on it."
"It's not real butter," Arthur replied, chucking five more pieces at Merlin in quick succession.
"Well, in that case-" Merlin said, thrusting a hand into the popcorn tub and jamming a fistful of popcorn down Arthur's jacket. Arthur yelped, spilling the tub on the floor. Kernels crunching as he pounced on top of Merlin.
"What are you two, five year olds?" Gwen hissed through her clenched teeth.
"Are not," Arthur said, grinding popcorn into Merlin's scalp. "And besides, he started it."
"No, you started it," Merlin countered, his head trapped in Arthur's loose chokehold. "And you made my swallow my gum! I could have choked to death-"
"Good thing you're not the title character-"
A woman a row behind gave the group a forceful shhhh.
Lance's expression turned cold. "Enough," He interrupted, prying the grown men apart. "Merlin, stop talking during the movie, some of us are trying to watch it." To this, Arthur smirked, Lancelot adding, "And Arthur, act like an adult, let go of Merlin, and buy some more popcorn to replace what you spilt."
Arthur furrowed his brow, unused to taking orders from the likes of Lancelot. But in the end he shrugged in agreement, brushing kernels from his clothes as he stalked towards the aisle.
Merlin fumbled from his seat, trailing Arthur like a puppy. "And just where are you going?" Arthur balked.
"To make sure you get popcorn without butter this time!" Merlin grinned.
