Fucking Laura. Fucking Tori. Fucking Friends—If I can call them that anymore. Just… Fucking life! Agh! I kicked some stones off the road in an attempt to get my fury out. It didn't help. I needed to stab something. My brain was a mess. I didn't know what to think. Am I gay? Am I into Tori? Should I try to get her back… obviously not, she's with Cat. Should I talk to her about it? Should I talk to any of them about it? What if they lie? Ugh! I needed to stab something! Or I needed to go watch Tawny Walker Black eat her sister again. Oh man, that was a good scene.

When I got home I went down into the basement where my dad kept his punching bag, dartboard, and other fighting dummies. He used to use them a lot. Not so much anymore. Now they were basically mine to use. I walked over to the dartboard and took out all the darts. Instead, taking a pair of my beloved scissors and throwing them at the board. Bulls-eye! It sounds weird but throwing the scissors at the target kept me surprisingly calm. The repetitive motion made it easier for me to think and organize and figure out what I needed to do next.

Okay, so here's what I know. I know that I dated Tori once upon a time. I know that nobody could tell me. I know that it's not their fault that they couldn't tell me. I know that it doesn't mean I'm going to forgive any of them anytime soon. I know that Tori's currently dating Cat. I know that I made out with Tori. I know that I most likely haven't had sex with Tori because of whatever promise she was talking about in my memory. I know I can't just go up to her and ask if what we had was real and what exactly was it that we had. I know that I can't ask Cat because she's dating Tori. I know I ask Beck because I was dating Beck previously. I know I can't ask Robbie because he probably won't even know. That leaves André. So I know whom I can ask. I know that Tori gave up on me. I know that I don't know if I can be with somebody who gave up on me, not like Beck did.

What I don't know is what happened. I don't know if it was a fling. I don't know if I still like Tori. I don't know for sure if we had sex. I don't know how Tori felt about me. I don't know so very much. There's only one way to answer these questions.

After throwing my scissors for what felt like the billionth time I grabbed them off the target, hid them in my clothing, grabbed a leather jacket, and started walking to the park near André. I quickly got out my Pearphone and texted him to meet me there.

In about ten minutes I had arrived and André was already waiting, coat wrapped tightly around him. "Yo Jade," he said. "Why am I out here in the middle of winter?"

I scowled. "You're out here because you all lied to me and I deserve a real explanation and you're the only one who can give it to me. I helped you get Robbie back, you owe me."

"Relax vampire," said André putting his hands up in mock surrender. "I'll tell you whatever your interested in knowing."

"This entire conversation stays between us," I threatened. I leered at him to make sure he assented before I started speaking. He nodded mutely.

"Tori. I know that she and I used to be together," I said. André's eyes go wide.

"You know?" He asked in astonishment.

"Yes," I said keeping a bored tone in my voice. "And your going to tell me everything you know."

"Quick version or the long version?" I mused over my options. I wanted to know everything.

"Long," I said eventually with a firm nod of my head.

"Then we ought to go find a bench. This will be a while." I nod my head, taking his word for it as we go to a bench nearby. When we arrived at the bench we both take a seat down. I'm nervous but I tried not to show it.

"I'll tell you everything I know," said André. And so it began. "According to Tori she and you had been fighting a lot around the time. It wasn't anything in particular, just fighting about everything. One day you were having an argument in the janitor's closet…"

AN: I try not to interfere with you story, for perhaps it will ruin the affect or something… actually I AN a lot, but I felt I should the rest of this chapter will mainly tell the story of Jori. All the scenes I'm going to write out Jade does not remember, it's more like how when you watch people tell stories on TV they go back into the memory and it's told by showing you the exact scene. Sort of like The Odd Life of Timothy Green was told. Do you understand what I'm saying? Yeah. Good. Anyways, on with the show.

"Jade West, stop being such an insolent child and grow up," yelled Tori.

"Me?" Yelled Jade in disbelief, "You think I'm the insolent child? Excuse me but last time I checked I don't still watch Bambi and listen to The Diddly Bops. Don't deny either one, I've seen the collection of disks. Also, I'm definitely more mature physically than you!"

"Ugh! You know what, Bambi is a classic and a cherished childhood memory of mine so of course I own it. I only have the disk of Diddly Bops music because Cat came over to my house and left it there last weekend. And you're not more physically mature than I am," argued Tori. A funny feeling in my stomach that seemed to be occurring more and more often came again as I thought about Cat spending the night with Tori instead of me. The feeling was akin to what I felt when I first thought Tori was hitting on Beck, rubbing his coffee-stained shirt, jealousy. I'm the only one who should be spending the night with Vega. Ugh! Who am I kidding? I'm not with Vega. She and I are only friends. I shouldn't even be feeling this…

I rolled my eyes, trying to keep my head in the fight. "Look! Just stop flirting with Beck," I said in an exasperated tone.

"Why?" Challenged Vega.

Not really paying attention to what I was saying words just spewed out, "Because every time you bite you lip and twirl your hair you look even more beautiful than normal and my stomach feels all weird and then I'm suddenly questioning whether or not I might like you!" I instantly clapped my hand against my mouth as soon as I said it. Mother fucking shit! I did not say that out loud. This is just a dream. Agh! My whole life is over. There's only one goddamn way to interpret that! Shit! Shit! Shit! Fuck my life! I hurried towards the door, desperate to get out of there as soon as possible but a warm hand stops me.

"You… like me?" Vega asked. Her eyes looked into mine curiously. It was strange, and for a second I could swear I saw desire. I scowled, refusing to respond. She bit down on her lip and I felt a wave of longing hit me. God how I wanted to take those lips and smash them against mine. She looked down at her feet for a while before staring back up at me. "I… kinda like you two." Wait… did I just hear that right? Did she just say she likes me too? No. It can't be… it's too good to be true. Before I knew it she was leaning in for a kiss and so was I. Then our lips met in the middle and… damn. All I could think was that Katy Perry had it right this whole time. Her sweet cherry chap stick was… so delicious. I couldn't help but love the way she tasted. Her fingers wrapped around my neck as mine wrapped around her waist. Her touch was… intoxicating. The kiss ended all too soon but I couldn't just give her everything on day one. Where's the fun in that?

As I walked out the door I said, "I'll be picking you up at eight sharp tomorrow. Dress fancy." With a wink, I walked away, hearing a content sigh escape from Tori's lips right before I closed the door. I agreed. Best. Kiss. Ever.

"So that's pretty much how you two got together," said André.

Curiosity enveloped me. "What happened on that first date?" I asked.

"I didn't get the details but apparently you took her on some sort of ship. She said that you were a prince and she was a duchess. It was like… crazy expensive and the night ended with a lot of dancing. I remember because the next day she coerced me into massaging her feet." I laughed.

Then what?" I asked eagerly. I'm not a love story person, but this… was my life. I wanted to know more.

"Well, you guys went on a couple more dates and eventually became official and then finally public, which is pretty much when shit went down," said André.

"Oh?" I could only imagine.

"Yeah. Beck was fucking pissed. He… things got really serious and when he called out…" André swallowed loudly before continuing, "A dyke, you plunged your scissors into his arm. He has to get twelve stitches after that. You two didn't talk for months after that until you got into that car crash." Oh my god! Beck called me a dyke! I stabbed Beck! I… we… Beck's my best (competent) friend, how could that even happen? Cat's okay but she doesn't understand most things, how did I even survive without Beck? Wait… if he freaked out like this the first time, what would happen if I got back with Tori?

"Do you think he'd… you know… if I… you know," I said.

Surprisingly he did know what I was talking about, "I think he'd be okay if you got back together with Tori. He actually called me up, since we're good friends and all, and told me what happened. He was heart broken, but he doesn't want to loose you again. Which is why you shouldn't blame him for past mistakes."

I gulped. Things were getting very complex. "Continue on, what else is there?"

"Well, Tori told me how you guys were… getting intimate and that led to her making you swear not to have sex until at least six months into the relationship. She didn't want to give it up so easily. Shame that you just missed that six-month sex mark by a few minutes."

"Anything else?"

André looked up thoughtfully. "Hmmm… not that I can think of. You and Tori were definitely good together. A blind man could see you two loved each other," said André earnestly.

"If she loved me than why did she give up on me?" I asked disappointedly.

He looked at me, confused. "Give up? Tori never gave up. For months she remained faithful to you. For months she constantly tried to do the right things wrestled with her feelings. She's even got a scar on her arm from that week she was cutting herself because she was so hurt, being in love with you and her love not being returned. Thankfully, her going out with Cat stopped that. I wouldn't be surprised if she still loved you though, not that she'd ever admit it aloud now that she's with Cat." She stayed with me, even when I didn't know it. She stayed until it hurt so much she'd rather hurt herself. She did try to fight.

"Thanks André," I said. I gave him a light kiss on the cheek. "You've given me a lot to think about."

"No problem Jade, consider us even," he said as he got up and started walking away. He turned around for a moment; "You really should go talk to Tori, though. Maybe that spark is still lingering around." With that he winked and walked away.

Faithful readers we're nearing the end. I wish you a merry Christmas. Your present, I'm going to attempt to finish this story before I go back to school. I love you all!