Nightmares

Fiona sat up in bed, she looked around her room, something was different. She looked down at herself, a strange habitual sense of relief flowed through her. Her figure was slender, her skin pale, she was still human. She looked to her tower window, the sky was blue, the sun shining brightly. The princess smiled, it was a perfect day. She couldn't help but think it might be a sign, perhaps the weather was hinting that her gallant prince was on his way. Fiona stood, brushed down her dress and found the pitcher of water which had magically refilled as it did every morning. As was her routine, she poured a small amount into a bowl, ready to wash her face and freshen up for the day. But her movement paused as a strange noise entered her consciousness. It sounded like a child's cries in the distance. Her eyes widened, she gasped, panic spreading quickly through her. She dropped the pitcher of water she held, it smashed into tiny, shimmering shell pieces on the ground. Fiona ran over to the window, the ocean below her spread as far as she could see. The crying didn't stop. It sounded distant. Her eyes locked onto a wooden crate, drifting in the waves. She watched as the top of the crate was thrown off, her children appearing from within.

"Mommy!" she heard Felicia call to her.

The three of them looked like they were crying for her, arms extended in her direction, though she could only hear the one cry.

Fiona struggled to breathe. They were floating away but she couldn't reach them, she couldn't even find her voice to call to them. She turned back, her environment hit her. She was back in the tower, human and helpless once again. The princess frantically looked back out the window. There were candles on the ledge, she lit them quickly, one by one, but they didn't help her. Nothing could help her. She couldn't do anything to save her children-

The ogress's eyes flew open, she sucked in a breath. Everything was dark around her, except the light of the flickering candle beside her. She breathed quickly, heart beating loud in her ears. Her hand quickly found her husband, the feeling of his warm skin soothing her. She checked the colour of her own skin, it was green. The relief began to set in. She stared at the candle, drawing herself back to the present. Though, she suddenly realised she could still hear the child's cries.

"Felicia," Fiona bewilderedly stumbled out of bed and out of her room to locate her crying daughter.

The children's bedroom was dark but Felicia was sat at the foot of the bed, knees tucked under her chin, clinging to the bedpost. "Mommy," she continued to cry, tears falling thick and fast down her cheeks.

Fiona hurried over to her daughter, sweeping the child into her arms, "It's okay," she shushed her, rocking back and forth.

"I-I had a bad... a really bad dream," the little ogress spoke through her tears, holding onto Fiona's nightdress in one hand and clutching onto her toy with the other, She rubbed her eyes on her mother's shoulder.

"Me too, honey," Fiona kissed her head, brushing the child's tear soaked hair out of her face. "It's okay, I'm here now."

Fiona looked to her sons, they were still sleeping, or trying to sleep, ignoring their sister. She pulled the bedsheet further over them, lifting her daughter and left the room. The last thing she wanted was more crying children in the middle of the night.

"What's going on?" Shrek sat up, squinting at them as she entered the room.

"Felicia was crying," Fiona closed the door behind her.

"Was she?" Shrek looked confused, laying back down. He yawned, probably well on the way to sleep again.

Fiona allowed herself an eye roll, sitting next to him. She pulled the sheets over herself and her daughter, holding her close. The ogress then realised how dizzy she felt from her own torrent of emotions. She took a deep breath, focusing on the child in her arms. No matter how bad the nightmare, the children came first. She had always made sure of it. They'd never know how much she suffered from the tower, they would never know her internal conflict about herself, or how much she and her family hated ogres prior to her marriage. She wished for them to grow up blissfully unaware of everything.

Finally the child wiped her nose on her mother's nightdress, sniffed and blinked tearfully at her, "Mommy, I don't like bad dreams."

"The bad dreams can't hurt you," Fiona countered her distress, "You don't need to be scared of them." She had to ignore the internal snorting at her own words.

The child's face creased up again, "But the-the witch-"

Fiona hugged her tighter, "It's okay. The witch is gone. We defeated her." She kissed the top of her daughter's head.

The child was silent for a moment, laying against her mother's chest, "Gone?" she spoke in a small voice. Fiona softly confirmed the answer. "Because-because you defeated her?" Felicia added.

"Yes. And you were so brave," the ogress gushed.

They were quiet for a moment, the child sniffing every now and again. Fiona felt herself grow calm in the silence. She took a deep breath, it was a relief to not have her heart racing. As much as she preferred to recover from the nightmares on her own, the distraction often sped up the process. She always had to force her thought processes back to the present. In that moment, the present was warm, comfortable and close to her husband and daughter, her sons sleeping in the next room. It was safe. "Are you okay?" she asked her child softly.

Felicia nodded, before suddenly pausing, she lifted her head, pouting a little at Fiona, "But not that much better, mommy. Treats would make me feel better," Felicia looked, wide eyed to her mother, "Can we go to the kitchen?"

Fiona couldn't help but laugh, "I think that can wait. We need to go back to sleep first."

"No," Felicia's voice grew urgent, she clung onto her mother, "I don't want to go back to bed."

"Your brothers are there," Fiona reasoned with her.

"I want you," she mumbled.

Truthfully, Fiona didn't really want to let go of her either. If anything, she wanted to climb into the children's bed with the three of them and sleep there. "Alright," Fiona stroked her hair.

"Only while we're in Far Far Away," Shrek spoke up, alerting them both to his consciousness, "Got it kid?" his voice was tinged with humour. Though Fiona knew he was serious. They had already made the mistake of letting the children sleep in their bed when they were younger. They didn't want to make that same mistake again.

"Got it," Felicia seemed to immediately brighten up, though she quickly frowned again, "But- but... what if the nightmare comes back?"

"It won't," Fiona adjusted the pillows so their child had space to sleep, "Lay down and close your eyes, sweetie." Felicia did as she was instructed, though Fiona could tell she was hesitant. It made the ogress sad. This had happened before, it had happened multiple times with all three of her children. But this occasion was different. This time, the nightmares were warranted. Fiona could only hope her daughter wouldn't prove her assurance wrong. She sighed, laying down beside the child, pulling the sheet over them both. Felicia stayed close to her, though the ogress didn't mind. Stroking the child's hair, Fiona quietly hummed the familiar tune she had been singing since she was little herself. Her children would grow up knowing it as their lullaby, Felicia had been caught a couple times singing it herself. It made Fiona smile, and it worked; it wasn't long before the child was lulled into sleep.

Silence took over the bedroom. Fiona then realised she was having trouble sleeping after her own bad dream. The contents of her usual nightmare were slightly different. In a way the events of the past couple of weeks made a refreshing change. Not that the change was too welcome. She sighed, staring at the canopy of the bed, listening to the soft breaths of her daughter.

"I wonder how long this'll go on fer," Shrek's quiet words startled her a little. She looked at him, he was watching her, he raised an eyebrow.

"The real question is, how long it'll be until the boys start having nightmares and all three of them will be in our bed again," Fiona smirked at her husband.

"I wonder how long we'll put up with it until we give in and have t'get 'em therapy..." Shrek chuckled.

Fiona made sure to mute her laughter, though it faded into a sigh. The couple lapsed into silence. She wasn't sure if they didn't have anything to say or if they were both subconsciously listening to see if they awoke their daughter; they hadn't. Fiona's thoughts were immediately drawn to something, what with the events from the boat in her mind. "Do you think the witch was right?" she whispered. She was conscious to keep her voice low, Felicia waking to conversation about the witch might result in a sleepless night for all of them.

"Huh?" the question catching her husband by surprise.

"If we were killed and the kids were spared, that they'd grow up to avenge us?" she clarified.

Shrek paused in thought for a moment, "Ye think they wouldn't?" there was laughter in his voice.

"Really?" Fiona could help but smile at him.

"Are you kidding?" he spoke quietly, "Fergus would be the brains behind the operation, Farkle would be the muscle, and Felicia would be their mouthpiece. They're the perfect team," he chuckled.

Fiona grinned, nodding her agreement.

"Yanno, it's great and funny until ye realise we're not dead and they'll continue t' grow up like that," he gently moved the sleeping child's hair out of her face, smiling at her.

"I still don't think I'd have it any other way," Fiona was being truthful. They were so little and yet she was so proud of them. She could only imagine who they'd be when they were older, but she hoped they'd still be as close. "We should get some sleep," she confirmed.

Though, again, Fiona found herself staring at the canopy for a while. There were times when she realised perhaps the candle flickering in her peripheral vision didn't help, and she was tempted to blow it out. But the dreams scared her too much to do it. She was very aware that the light might affect her husband's sleep too, yet he insisted again and again that it was fine. It almost seemed odd to her that her children slept in complete darkness and she couldn't. Her gaze drifted to the sleeping child beside her, she didn't want them to have the same fear at night. She had always been sure they wouldn't, though now she found herself questioning it. Everything that happened had them understandably shaken. She had no doubt that her sons would have the same experience as their sister. Even she was clearly having trouble. It was then that Fiona realised she still couldn't hear the snores of her husband. He was awake too, probably contemplating the same thing. She wasn't sure how it was affecting him, she never was sure how her husband processed things in his mind. She was always so preoccupied with the children and her own distress about everything, she never thought that Shrek might be quietly suffering his own battles. She guessed that was how he did it, he kept it to himself. Not that she really liked that. Her thoughts were suddenly brought back to on the island when Felix apologised for the flashbacks. The flashbacks Shrek had just brushed off as sleep before, the ones he had lied about.

"Shrek?" Fiona spoke quietly and hesitantly.

"Aye?"

"Are you okay? ...After everything," Fiona suddenly felt selfish. Of course she had asked, but never in the same depth. Her husband often needed prompting to share his feelings.

"Yah, of course I am. Yer all here safe," he confirmed, his voice suspicious. "Why?"

Fiona realised he'd probably regret the question. "Just about what Felix said... about the mist with those memories and flashbacks."

She was met with an impatient sigh, "Fiona-"

"No..." she hesitantly interrupted his protest, glancing self-consciously at the sleeping child, "I just want to know why you wanted to keep it from me," she kept her voice appropriately low, despite how firm her tone was. She looked at him, "You don't have to tell me about what you saw, that's okay," her gaze was soft, "I understand you want to avoid those memories... Just why didn't you tell me about it?"

He met her gaze, looking back and forth between her and their daughter, "D'we have t'do this now?"

Fiona shrugged, "Why not?" she could feel the apprehension creeping up her spine.

"It's..." he faltered, "It's just..." his eyes were on Felicia. Fiona couldn't tell if it was too sensitive to talk about with their child sleeping between them or whether it had something to do with their children. Fiona wasn't sure she was comfortable about it either way. She reached with the arm she was laying on across the pillow above Felicia's head to offer her hand to him. He gingerly took it, stroking her fingers with his thumb. He seemed to be contemplating things. She waited in silence, telling herself if he wanted to postpone it, they could. But it worried her enough to want him to confess to what he had been holding back.

"I didn't know how t'tell ye," he met her gaze. Her brow creased. "I wanted to... I've been meaning to... yanno, ever since they were born..." he looked back down to the child. Alarm bells began ringing in Fiona's mind. She thought he had been holding something back since the island, clearly she was wrong. "I thought that, maybe... maybe if I didn't tell ya, we wouldn't have t'do it."

The concern crashed upon the ogress, "What are you talking about?" she asked her husband somewhat fearfully.

Shrek's mouth twitched into a sad smile, "The flashbacks I saw were... well, a couple were about a leaving day." Fiona's brow creased, she mutely waited for more explanation. "There's a tradition amongst ogres..." he was intently watching their daughter sleep, "where the kids have t'leave when they reach a point of maturity."

"Like moving out early?" Fiona took a guess, finding herself growing impatient.

His eyes then met hers, "No," before they dropped back down to Felicia. He gently stroked her cheek with the back of his fingers, "They have t'leave and not come home fer about ten years... no contact, nothing."

Fiona jolted her hand away from his, her eyes wide. She felt a sudden flurry of emotions, mainly shock and anger, "Wha-? Why?" she asked him, her expression hardening, "Why wouldn't you tell me?" She looked down to her daughter, stirring in her sleep from the movement and slight rise in volume. The sadness joined the mix of emotions. Her thoughts were scattered, she didn't know what to think about, "Do we have a choice?"

Shrek furrowed his brow, gently propping himself up on an elbow, "Well, yah. But I always figured you would hate it, so yanno... It'd be best if... if..."

Fiona lifted herself from her own pillow, "If I were completely ignorant to everything involved in the species I am? Our children are?" she glared at him. Her husband scoffed. It was taking a lot of effort for Fiona to stay quiet, "Were you ever going to tell me?"

Shrek's eyes dropped back down to their daughter, avoiding her gaze for a moment. "We don't have t'do it, Fiona. If ya didn't want to, then ya didn't need t'know," he was defensive.

"Do all ogres take part in..." Fiona was suddenly silenced as Felicia mumbled in her sleep. They both stared at her mutely, until it appeared she wasn't waking. Fiona tried again, quieter this time, "Does everyone take part in this tradition?"

"Uh-" Shrek paused, but the hostility came rushing back, "Most do, yah, but we're not like everyone else."

It was Fiona's turn to scoff, "Oh okay. That's great to know for them," she hissed, looking exaggeratedly at her daughter, "You know, for when they grow up and would like to meet someone, to then find out that they're not like everyone else."

"They know they're not like everyone else already," Shrek fought for a point he wasn't sure he even had, "They'll never be like anyone else, because of us!" The point he did make silenced Fiona. "Yanno, it doesn't even matter if they have a leaving day or not." Fiona stayed quiet, the implications of his words sinking in. It allowed a pause enough for Shrek to realise what he said, he tripped over his words a little, "Oh Fiona, I didn't mean it like that," he tried to backtrack. "I meant- I meant that... that..." he didn't know how to turn it around. He gestured to their daughter, "She'll be fine. They'll be fine! Who cares if they're a little different from other ogres anyway?"

"They might," Fiona answered quietly. She'd spent her whole life wishing to fit in, wishing for the day she wasn't different to everyone else. The only time she could accept it was when it had been her choice. They didn't have a choice, and they'd likely never have a choice either. Ogre or human, they'd always have one parent who was different, that made their life different. She knew that within themselves they would certainly be happier as ogres, the human alternative was strict and full of responsibilities, but perhaps in the future their opinion would change.

Of course this had occurred to the ogress before. She'd been thinking about it since she became pregnant. But this added a new layer. Not only were they royal, with half a human family, they were also raised differently, and potentially not having any of the same experiences other ogre kids had. She never wanted to let the children go, she vowed she would never send them away like her parents sent her away. But now, if she didn't, they'd never have any hope of fitting in anywhere. Once upon a time her father had told her to think of what was best for her. She did. But now, things weren't about her. Fiona sighed, the argument forgotten, "Sometimes I think it would be easier if we left all of this behind," she looked to the beautiful room they called their bedroom at the castle, "If they didn't know they came from humanity, or are royal."

"Fiona..." Shrek's voice was low.

She knew he would jump at the chance to leave the kingdom behind. He never really cared for it, only her. It was almost by accident that he saved the fate of Far Far Away multiple times. People often misread it, but she knew. But in loving her, he knew how important the kingdom and her family was to her. So he humoured all of it. He chose her and everything that came with her. Their children didn't choose anything, they were born into the unfortunate combination of two opposite worlds.

"I chose when I left," Shrek's words surprised her a little.

"You can do that?" she asked hopefully.

"Aye."

She held onto the idea, looking down to her sleeping child, "Perhaps they could choose if they want to go too," she met her husband's gaze. He nodded at her. She took a breath, "They can choose if they want to and when they want to."

"They could go together if they wanted," he added.

Fiona's lips twitched into a smile, it sounded like an adventure. The kind of adventure she dreamed of as a child. It sounded exciting. If her children grew anything like her expectations of them, they'd probably jump at the opportunity to get out on their own together and find their place. Though, she couldn't help but let the doubts cloud all of that. "What if they don't come back?" she asked, somewhat fearfully.

"They will."

"You didn't."

"Yah but they have you."


AN: In the original they had firmly rejected the idea of the tradition, and I thought about it way more than I should have done and realised maybe that wouldn't be accurate. Hm.