Chapter 29: The Stand In
Penny had bounded into my room after shouting out her greeting. She put down a Victoria's Secret shopping bag and looked around the room. When she saw the sushi and the magazines laying on my tray, a quizzical look had come over her face and she asked me, "I see traces of Sheldon, but where is the genuine article? Is he in the bathroom?"
I had shaken my head sadly as a reply. I hadn't been really capable of explaining everything at that time.
She then looked even more confused and asked me, "Then where is he? Wait, did you two have a fight or something?"
Again, I merely nodded my head.
She was at the same time both impatient and concerned, "Okay, shoot. What was it about?"
I had shrugged as if I hadn't a clue and told her, "I don't really know. I suppose we ended up insulting each other's professions."
A faint light of understanding appeared behind her pretty green eyes and she probed me further, "Ooookay. What did you say to each other that was insulting? As much as you can remember, anyway." She added with a grin.
I began to admit my transgression in an offhand manner, "I suppose I suggested to him that biologists considered physicists as kind of uninformed about living things."
Penny's grin then grew even wider, "Like monkeys?"
I had nodded, almost feeling relief at my partial confession, "Exactly. Anyway, I'm always honest with Sheldon and I told him that my colleagues most likely considered his area of study when he offered his help and they kind of talked down to him."
She protested that statement loudly, "But Sheldon knows a whole hell of a lot about a lot of things!" To which she had wearily added, "Which he brings up at every available opportunity."
At that point, I decided to confess everything, "I know. But they don't know him as well as we do. The gist of it all is I rather agreed that I didn't think his studies were as important to the human race as mine."
Penny had actually winced at that and cried, "Oohh burn! I can see why he was upset. Until you came along, Sheldon's main passion was his work. Besides comic books and science fiction, that is. He really sees his job as a huge part of who he is."
I then shook my head despondently. The gravity of what I had done was becoming ever clearer to me, "Oh dear. I guess he thinks I was trying to emasculate him."
Penny's face had screwed up a bit in confusion at the unknown word and she quickly asked me, "Say what?"
I wracked my sore brain in an attempt to find words she would understand and finally told her, "Uh, Sheldon thought I was trying to make him feel like less of a man."
At that, her head had nodded in complete understanding, "Yeah, that sounds about right. Men are touchy about that kind of stuff."
I felt absolutely awful and contrite and I needed her help. So, I continued our conversation with, "Okay. I hurt his feelings. And I'm truly sorry. But what do I do? How can I make that up to him?"
Penny had looked at me as if I were totally clueless about men, which wasn't far from the truth, and responded with, "With whatever it takes. It isn't every man who saves his girlfriend who is lying on the floor unconscious and then refuses to leave her side for five days."
I then decided that the best thing to do was to cover my face with my hands and tell her, "I think I now feel worse instead of better. So what can I do?"
Penney had looked at me as if I were the most ignorant fool on the planet and replied to me with, "How about apologizing?"
I dropped my hands and had looked up at her, despair written all over my face, "You know Sheldon. If I do that, he'll never let me off the hook. He'll use it as a way to keep the upper hand. At least for a little while."
"Probably longer than that. Let's think." Penny then snapped her fingers, "I've got it!"
I looked up at her hopefully, "What?"
"We're going to put that on you," she had told me, pointing to the shopping bag on the floor, "and then let him see you in it. Men are such visual creatures."
I had suddenly felt compelled to ask her for more details, "Okay, Penny. How are we going to get him here? I would hope this plan is less rigorous than the one for when we were kidnapped."
At my question, Penny had tapped her chin with one of her forefingers and said, "Let me think for a little bit." She once again directed her gaze to the bag on the floor, "But first, let's get this thing on you and do your makeup like Sheldon would like it."
I was confused, I had reasoned that she knew Sheldon better than I did. That part of the plan convinced me that she didn't, "That would mean no makeup at all, Penny. He always says he likes me in no makeup."
Penny bent over to pick up the bag and responded with the wise words, "What a man says and what he means are often two very different things. He doesn't want you to wear makeup because he doesn't want any other man to come sniffing around." Her face had lit up like an incandescent bulb at that moment. "That's it! My plan is now complete."
My worried mind had felt compelled to remind her, "As I said before, I do hope it's less arduous than your plan when we were in that train depot."
She then waved off all of my concerns with a lighthearted, "Hell, yeah. That was work. This will be fun. Now, what do you think will get the Wackadoodle to come back here?"
My mind went into overdrive and I then came up with an amazing idea that Sheldon would not be able to resist. "What if they needed a written statement from him? He loves to do that kind of thing."
Penny dropped the bag and shook her head at me, "But that's not the truth, Ames."
"Of course not. But look where the truth got me. You, bestie, will text him that a hospital administrator is in my room asking for just that very thing. Sheldon will come running, laptop in hand." I had hastily added, "Along with his notary stamp."
The smile on her face had grown as she had given some thought to my idea, "And he will see you all dolled up. Now, we just have to get a good looking hunk to be drooling over you. Do you know any?"
I had laughed aloud at that little pronouncement, "Penny, do I look like the kind of girl who has hunks on speed dial? Let's be real here. You might have some, but I sure don't."
"Hmmmm. Yeah, I can see that. You're dating Sheldon Cooper for god's sake." She had thought a bit more and then crowed, "Oh wow! I've thought of the perfect guy. Tall, built, good looking, and none too bright."
I grinned at her and teased a little, "Well, that doesn't sound like Leonard at all."
She had chuckled right back at me and continued to explain, "No, but it sounds exactly like my ex, Zack."
"Would he do it?" I asked with a hoping against hope catch in my voice.
In answer to my question, Penny had begun to rub her hands together gleefully, "Sure. We're still friends. I can't explain it to him in too many details, he'd get confused. I'll just give him the basics and let him run with it. You'll see. This will be great!"
Meanwhile, back in Sheldon's head…
When I had stormed out of Amy's room, only one thought had been repeating itself in my head, "She has no respect for either me or the work that I do." I must be honest here, Amy's actions had cut me to the bone. I had thought of nothing for almost a week but her recovery. I had slept, eaten, and worked by her side for five days and how had she thanked me? By insulting me. Amy had never denigrated my work before. While her area of study was not physics, she had always shown at least a modicum of admiration for what I was researching. True, neurobiology had more practical implications for the world at large, but my work, if successful, would unlock the mysteries of the entire universe! How could she not have seen that?
It was then that the puzzle pieces began to fall into place. She couldn't see it because the poor woman had been in a coma for five days while running a high fever. Instead of being thankful that she had survived, what had I done? I'd picked a fight over some petty semantics and now we were both miserable. I knew I had always had a self-centered side to my personality, but this time I had carried it way too far. Guilt overtook me and I realized what I had to do. I had to return to my Amy's side and apologize for my abhorrent behavior.
With that thought, I turned on my heels and made my way back to the hospital. All I wanted was to take Amy in my arms and tell her how sorry I was for my thoughtless behavior. I had to put things right between us. I had realized that Amy had been speaking about her colleagues and attempting to explain their behavior to me. She hadn't really meant that my work lacked importance. I had willed the bus to quicken its pace, anxious to get back to Amy's side and feel the warmth of her strong, faithful love once more.
When the bus finally made its scheduled stop in front of the hospital, I bounded off of it and ran up to the front doors and through the lobby. I couldn't wait to see Amy and explain that I had been wrong. I had also wanted to see her smile once more with the smile she reserved just for me and me alone. I repeatedly pushed the elevator button, urging it to arrive and take me up to see my Amy. When the doors opened, I pushed the button for the fifth floor and impatiently tapped my foot. Would the wretched conveyance ever get me to her room? Finally, the doors opened once more and I bounded down the hall to room 517. Out of breath, I opened the door to her room…and froze. Dear Lord, was that Amy sitting there in a negligee and wearing way too much makeup? And who was that strange man sitting next to her and flirting? What had happened to my sweet Amy? I hastily backed out of the room and heard a voice from down the hall hail me, "Sheldon, it's about time you got here!" I never turned around. I just kept running down the hall and into the stairwell, my heart too hurt to wait for the elevator.
I began to castigate myself severely. What a fool I had been, thinking Amy must have been as upset as I was! Well, the scenario in her room had proven that theory false. I would never have pegged Amy for a floozy, but I suppose I had been wrong with that thinking. I had only been gone a couple of hours and she had already moved someone else into the chair I had been sitting in for five, torturous days and nights! The question now became, what next? I had little to no experience with broken romantic relationships before Amy and I was lost on how to deal with this particular form of treason. Suddenly, an idea came to me. I would call Penny. She was very experienced in the ending of relationships. How many men had I seen coming in and out of her door before she had settled on Leonard? Too many. That was why I thought her the perfect choice for breaking up advice. With that thought in mind, I pulled out my phone and placed an emergency call to the one person who could get me out of this mess.
I had been sitting up in my bed chatting with Zach and enjoying myself a bit. He was, as Penny had so clearly specified, a good looking, good natured, but brainless hunk. While I pretended to enjoy his attentions, my mind was far away. Zach may have been good looking, but he held my interest not at all. The man lacked any form a brain power at all and I was used to conversing with a man whose brain could have qualified for the Intelligence Olympics in weightlifting. I found Zack very handsome, but extremely boring and I couldn't wait for Sheldon to find us together and then fight for my hand. I would then tell him how sorry I was for the mean things I had said and everything would go back to normal.
As Zack had droned on, I had reached up to scratch my shoulder. The skimpy green nightie with the black lace trim might have been screamed sex to most people, but to me, it screamed uncomfortable. It scratched and irritated me in ways my trusted flannels never had. How I had longed for their comfort and modesty. The slinky piece of material I was wearing, I could never call nightclothes. I had wondered to myself how on earth women ever managed to sleep in those things? I was sure they were removed before any actual sleep occurred, and not for the reason most people would think. How could a woman get in the mood while wearing one of these scratchy, binding things?
My phone had suddenly rung and I answered it, expecting Penny to be on the line telling me that Sheldon was on his way. It had been Penny, all right. But she didn't speak of Sheldon's imminent arrival. Instead, I heard her strained voice tell me, "Houston, we have a problem."
Oh boy. What now? Penny's plan didn't work so well this time, did it?
Chapter 29: The Stand In
Penny had bounded into my room after shouting out her greeting. She put down a Victoria's Secret shopping bag and looked around the room. When she saw the sushi and the magazines laying on my tray, a quizzical look had come over her face and she asked me, "I see traces of Sheldon, but where is the genuine article? Is he in the bathroom?"
I had shaken my head sadly as a reply. I hadn't been really capable of explaining everything at that time.
She then looked even more confused and asked me, "Then where is he? Wait, did you two have a fight or something?"
Again, I merely nodded my head.
She was at the same time both impatient and concerned, "Okay, shoot. What was it about?"
I had shrugged as if I hadn't a clue and told her, "I don't really know. I suppose we ended up insulting each other's professions."
A faint light of understanding appeared behind her pretty green eyes and she probed me further, "Ooookay. What did you say to each other that was insulting? As much as you can remember, anyway." She added with a grin.
I began to admit my transgression in an offhand manner, "I suppose I suggested to him that biologists considered physicists as kind of uninformed about living things."
Penny's grin then grew even wider, "Like monkeys?"
I had nodded, almost feeling relief at my partial confession, "Exactly. Anyway, I'm always honest with Sheldon and I told him that my colleagues most likely considered his area of study when he offered his help and they kind of talked down to him."
She protested that statement loudly, "But Sheldon knows a whole hell of a lot about a lot of things!" To which she had wearily added, "Which he brings up at every available opportunity."
At that point, I decided to confess everything, "I know. But they don't know him as well as we do. The gist of it all is I rather agreed that I didn't think his studies were as important to the human race as mine."
Penny had actually winced at that and cried, "Oohh burn! I can see why he was upset. Until you came along, Sheldon's main passion was his work. Besides comic books and science fiction, that is. He really sees his job as a huge part of who he is."
I then shook my head despondently. The gravity of what I had done was becoming ever clearer to me, "Oh dear. I guess he thinks I was trying to emasculate him."
Penny's face had screwed up a bit in confusion at the unknown word and she quickly asked me, "Say what?"
I wracked my sore brain in an attempt to find words she would understand and finally told her, "Uh, Sheldon thought I was trying to make him feel like less of a man."
At that, her head had nodded in complete understanding, "Yeah, that sounds about right. Men are touchy about that kind of stuff."
I felt absolutely awful and contrite and I needed her help. So, I continued our conversation with, "Okay. I hurt his feelings. And I'm truly sorry. But what do I do? How can I make that up to him?"
Penny had looked at me as if I were totally clueless about men, which wasn't far from the truth, and responded with, "With whatever it takes. It isn't every man who saves his girlfriend who is lying on the floor unconscious and then refuses to leave her side for five days."
I then decided that the best thing to do was to cover my face with my hands and tell her, "I think I now feel worse instead of better. So what can I do?"
Penney had looked at me as if I were the most ignorant fool on the planet and replied to me with, "How about apologizing?"
I dropped my hands and had looked up at her, despair written all over my face, "You know Sheldon. If I do that, he'll never let me off the hook. He'll use it as a way to keep the upper hand. At least for a little while."
"Probably longer than that. Let's think." Penny then snapped her fingers, "I've got it!"
I looked up at her hopefully, "What?"
"We're going to put that on you," she had told me, pointing to the shopping bag on the floor, "and then let him see you in it. Men are such visual creatures."
I had suddenly felt compelled to ask her for more details, "Okay, Penny. How are we going to get him here? I would hope this plan is less rigorous than the one for when we were kidnapped."
At my question, Penny had tapped her chin with one of her forefingers and said, "Let me think for a little bit." She once again directed her gaze to the bag on the floor, "But first, let's get this thing on you and do your makeup like Sheldon would like it."
I was confused, I had reasoned that she knew Sheldon better than I did. That part of the plan convinced me that she didn't, "That would mean no makeup at all, Penny. He always says he likes me in no makeup."
Penny bent over to pick up the bag and responded with the wise words, "What a man says and what he means are often two very different things. He doesn't want you to wear makeup because he doesn't want any other man to come sniffing around." Her face had lit up like an incandescent bulb at that moment. "That's it! My plan is now complete."
My worried mind had felt compelled to remind her, "As I said before, I do hope it's less arduous than your plan when we were in that train depot."
She then waved off all of my concerns with a lighthearted, "Hell, yeah. That was work. This will be fun. Now, what do you think will get the Wackadoodle to come back here?"
My mind went into overdrive and I then came up with an amazing idea that Sheldon would not be able to resist. "What if they needed a written statement from him? He loves to do that kind of thing."
Penny dropped the bag and shook her head at me, "But that's not the truth, Ames."
"Of course not. But look where the truth got me. You, bestie, will text him that a hospital administrator is in my room asking for just that very thing. Sheldon will come running, laptop in hand." I had hastily added, "Along with his notary stamp."
The smile on her face had grown as she had given some thought to my idea, "And he will see you all dolled up. Now, we just have to get a good looking hunk to be drooling over you. Do you know any?"
I had laughed aloud at that little pronouncement, "Penny, do I look like the kind of girl who has hunks on speed dial? Let's be real here. You might have some, but I sure don't."
"Hmmmm. Yeah, I can see that. You're dating Sheldon Cooper for god's sake." She had thought a bit more and then crowed, "Oh wow! I've thought of the perfect guy. Tall, built, good looking, and none too bright."
I grinned at her and teased a little, "Well, that doesn't sound like Leonard at all."
She had chuckled right back at me and continued to explain, "No, but it sounds exactly like my ex, Zack."
"Would he do it?" I asked with a hoping against hope catch in my voice.
In answer to my question, Penny had begun to rub her hands together gleefully, "Sure. We're still friends. I can't explain it to him in too many details, he'd get confused. I'll just give him the basics and let him run with it. You'll see. This will be great!"
Meanwhile, back in Sheldon's head…
When I had stormed out of Amy's room, only one thought had been repeating itself in my head, "She has no respect for either me or the work that I do." I must be honest here, Amy's actions had cut me to the bone. I had thought of nothing for almost a week but her recovery. I had slept, eaten, and worked by her side for five days and how had she thanked me? By insulting me. Amy had never denigrated my work before. While her area of study was not physics, she had always shown at least a modicum of admiration for what I was researching. True, neurobiology had more practical implications for the world at large, but my work, if successful, would unlock the mysteries of the entire universe! How could she not have seen that?
It was then that the puzzle pieces began to fall into place. She couldn't see it because the poor woman had been in a coma for five days while running a high fever. Instead of being thankful that she had survived, what had I done? I'd picked a fight over some petty semantics and now we were both miserable. I knew I had always had a self-centered side to my personality, but this time I had carried it way too far. Guilt overtook me and I realized what I had to do. I had to return to my Amy's side and apologize for my abhorrent behavior.
With that thought, I turned on my heels and made my way back to the hospital. All I wanted was to take Amy in my arms and tell her how sorry I was for my thoughtless behavior. I had to put things right between us. I had realized that Amy had been speaking about her colleagues and attempting to explain their behavior to me. She hadn't really meant that my work lacked importance. I had willed the bus to quicken its pace, anxious to get back to Amy's side and feel the warmth of her strong, faithful love once more.
When the bus finally made its scheduled stop in front of the hospital, I bounded off of it and ran up to the front doors and through the lobby. I couldn't wait to see Amy and explain that I had been wrong. I had also wanted to see her smile once more with the smile she reserved just for me and me alone. I repeatedly pushed the elevator button, urging it to arrive and take me up to see my Amy. When the doors opened, I pushed the button for the fifth floor and impatiently tapped my foot. Would the wretched conveyance ever get me to her room? Finally, the doors opened once more and I bounded down the hall to room 517. Out of breath, I opened the door to her room…and froze. Dear Lord, was that Amy sitting there in a negligee and wearing way too much makeup? And who was that strange man sitting next to her and flirting? What had happened to my sweet Amy? I hastily backed out of the room and heard a voice from down the hall hail me, "Sheldon, it's about time you got here!" I never turned around. I just kept running down the hall and into the stairwell, my heart too hurt to wait for the elevator.
I began to castigate myself severely. What a fool I had been, thinking Amy must have been as upset as I was! Well, the scenario in her room had proven that theory false. I would never have pegged Amy for a floozy, but I suppose I had been wrong with that thinking. I had only been gone a couple of hours and she had already moved someone else into the chair I had been sitting in for five, torturous days and nights! The question now became, what next? I had little to no experience with broken romantic relationships before Amy and I was lost on how to deal with this particular form of treason. Suddenly, an idea came to me. I would call Penny. She was very experienced in the ending of relationships. How many men had I seen coming in and out of her door before she had settled on Leonard? Too many. That was why I thought her the perfect choice for breaking up advice. With that thought in mind, I pulled out my phone and placed an emergency call to the one person who could get me out of this mess.
I had been sitting up in my bed chatting with Zach and enjoying myself a bit. He was, as Penny had so clearly specified, a good looking, good natured, but brainless hunk. While I pretended to enjoy his attentions, my mind was far away. Zach may have been good looking, but he held my interest not at all. The man lacked any form a brain power at all and I was used to conversing with a man whose brain could have qualified for the Intelligence Olympics in weightlifting. I found Zack very handsome, but extremely boring and I couldn't wait for Sheldon to find us together and then fight for my hand. I would then tell him how sorry I was for the mean things I had said and everything would go back to normal.
As Zack had droned on, I had reached up to scratch my shoulder. The skimpy green nightie with the black lace trim might have been screamed sex to most people, but to me, it screamed uncomfortable. It scratched and irritated me in ways my trusted flannels never had. How I had longed for their comfort and modesty. The slinky piece of material I was wearing, I could never call nightclothes. I had wondered to myself how on earth women ever managed to sleep in those things? I was sure they were removed before any actual sleep occurred, and not for the reason most people would think. How could a woman get in the mood while wearing one of these scratchy, binding things?
My phone had suddenly rung and I answered it, expecting Penny to be on the line telling me that Sheldon was on his way. It had been Penny, all right. But she didn't speak of Sheldon's imminent arrival. Instead, I heard her strained voice tell me, "Houston, we have a problem."
Oh boy. What now? Penny's plan didn't work so well this time, did it?
