Ch 29

The Doctor came back after about ten minutes, holding a small tablet with the results.

"Is everything alright?" River asked.

"Em, well, there's a temporal storm in 1938, so it doesn't look like we can land when we said." He sat on the bed next to her.

She stiffened, "So, how much later can we land?"

"Let's see, we said late December, yeah?" He scrolled over the information. "The earliest we can land after that is February 12th, 1939."

"That's not too long after." She relaxed a bit.

"Almost two months." He nodded. "I still hate to make them wait."

"So do I." She breathed, pinching the bridge of her nose, "But the kids don't know when we're supposed to get them, I asked Amy not to tell them. I didn't want them to worry if we couldn't get there on the exact date."

"That was smart of you."

."I didn't want them to worry or get scared."

He knew they would be worried anyways, but more so if they knew they were late. River had told him how upset Terra had been when he was late, so she was right in saving them the heart aches. "They're going to want a celebration. Terra loves any excuse to celebrate."

River nodded, not really in the mood for any sort of celebration. "Right..."

"I think a trip to the sweet shop will be enough."

She seemed to relax, "They'll be thrilled with that."

"I hope they've not gotten used to the American sweets." He tried to lighten the mood a bit. "Terrible chocolate."

She almost smiled, "Ugh, don't remind me. The Americans have the worst sweets in the galaxy."

He chuckled. "As I recall you just loved their sweets when you were pregnant with the twins. Butterfingers I think was your favorite?"

She tensed at the mention of pregnancy, any form of a smile quickly fading, "Oh...um, yes. You're right."

He noticed and tried to change the subject again. "The Ponds will spoil them, won't they?"

"I'm sure they will. I wouldn't be surprised if they came home with enough new toys to fill their bedrooms."

"Dear me, we won't have to work so hard on Christmas gifts this year if they do."

"Yes...I hope they don't grow too attached to Amy and Rory."

"Maybe we should look into another candle." He suggested because he knew the children probably would get very much attached.

"Yes, I wouldn't be opposed to that." She forced a small smile. Their other candle had been used up last year, so they'd not yet the chance to tell them of Terra starting school or his new face, but the Ponds who were currently with their children were also years before the news of the candle or even their adoption of Anthony, so the older version they spoke with in the candle probably already knew.

River was getting rather tired again, the whole ordeal of the day still weighing heavily. He could see her eyes drooping, though didn't leave again like the last time she slept. He started humming absentmindedly. She reached for his hand, trying to force herself to stay awake. He gave it a light squeeze, brushing his thumb over her skin.

"Sorry." She breathed, her eyes closing.

"What for, love?"

"The baby."

"Not your fault." He whispered.

"It feels like it is."

"I know. It feels like it's my fault, too."She opened her eyes to look at him again, just wishing for a moment that it would be his former face. "Maybe we're both wrong." He said softly. "Or not, but there's no need to apologize because I don't blame you."

She didn't say anything because as much as she blamed herself, she partially blamed him too. She didn't mean to, but the feeling was still there. Of course, she wouldn't tell him, she knew that she couldn't. There would be a lot of things she would probably end up keeping to herself: the painful reminders of the past that this new loss brought back, the fresh wave of anger she felt towards him for going to Gallifrey in the first place, the feeling like she had lost his former face all over again when she lost their baby, which they both knew she saw as her last connection to him. She kept all these feelings to herself, simply nodding in response to his words.

He pressed a kiss to her palm. She closed her eyes again. They lay there in silence for a long time. River eventually fell back to sleep, holding his hand tightly.

The whole of the next day was spent more quietly than the previous one. They didn't do much talking, but simple touches did enough communication for them. They ate small amounts of food, neither of them having a huge appetite. The Doctor was still fidgety, playing more sudoku and guitar throughout the day to keep his hands busy. Neither could bring themselves to give much attention to the pets.

They were sitting in the library, River listening to the Doctor playing his guitar when it started. He didn't notice at first because she didn't say anything, but eventually, he noticed a grimace. "You alright?"

"Cramps." She whispered, clutching onto the arm of the chair.

He reached out to offer his hand to squeeze. "Do you want something for it?"

"I can handle it." She declined the hand, "Keep playing."

"If you say so." He nodded and went back to strumming. She squeezed her eyes shut, trying to focus on the music. He was playing something from mid-55th-century Kroerer, a common tune that wasn't particularly meaningful but had complex chords.

She opened her eyes, watching his fingers as another distraction. The sounds he was trying to recreate were usually made on a different string instrument, he had to try to supplement by a number of non-traditional tricks.

Worriedly, his strumming slowed to observe her. She didn't really notice, her eyes closed again. He opened his mouth to ask, but the TARDIS hummed at him to not pry, so he continued to play and hum.

This continued on for about an hour, River seemingly growing more upset. It wasn't unnoticed and the Doctor wished he could do more to make her less uncomfortable.

"You said you had something to make the cramps better?" She asked eventually.

He nodded. "Yes. It's something like naproxen- space naproxen. No terrestrial ingredients."

"Can you give some to me?" She asked.

"I'll go get it." He put his guitar down, wondering how much pain she was in to change her mind about having something to relieve it. She waited for him to return, holding onto the chair. In reality, the pain hadn't gotten that much worse, it was the idea of why the pain was happening that had become unbearable. She hoped that by numbing the physical pain, it would dull the emotional pain too.

He came back with a glass of water and a few pills in hand.

"Thank you." She took the pills without hesitation, downing the water.

He sat back where he'd been, taking the guitar again. "Should take ten minutes to kick in." She nodded, reaching for his hand. He gave it to her took slow breaths slow breaths until the medicine kicked in. "It'll last four hours, so let me know if you want more then."

"I will." She nodded.

After a while more of sitting, he moved to be next to her, then started playing again. They did this for a few hours, River later agreeing to organize the library as a way to keep busy. He went to make dinner as she did that.

The library task was a welcome distraction to her mind and she submitted to the activity. After a while, the Doctor came back. "Dinner's ready."

She stood, rubbing her back. "What did you make?"

"Chicken and potatoes with a bit of salad."

"Sounds good." She smiled softly. He smiled back, the two of them walking to the kitchen. She sat down at the table in the kitchen, looking at the food on the table. "It looks good."

"Thank you." He handed her a plate for her to fill for herself. She put a bit of food on her plate, taking small bites. His plate wasn't much more filled than hers. Neither of them had been very hungry all day, the stress affecting them.

Dinner was quiet aside for the occasional thought said aloud that triggered a small bit of conversation.

River didn't seem to really know what to do with herself after eating and washing all the dishes. The Doctor suggested the library again, saying he was going to go back there himself. She agreed to go with him, following quietly behind.

The TARDIS provided some stacks of books for River to organize as a distraction. She got to work on the books, re-shelving and organizing them. The Doctor played more music as she busied herself, the sound filling the tense silence.

They spent most of the rest of the day doing this, just trying to keep their minds off of everything. They didn't talk when the retired to bed, though fell asleep holding onto each other's hands.

River woke up early in the morning feeling a bit nauseous with cramps a bit stronger than before. The TARDIS had placed some pain killers and water on the nightstand in case she wanted some, and she'd started a hot bath for her.

River didn't take the pain killers just yet, instead opting for the bath. She slipped into the bathroom, taking off her clothes and sinking into the steaming water, leaving the door to their bedroom open so the Doctor could see her from the bed if he woke. The water, while relaxing, revealed easily what was happening. Her stitches were dark and contrasting on the still red and sensitive skin of her injury. The water closer to her legs was growing tinted red.

River closed her eyes, gripping the sides of the tub, trying not to think about what was going on. The TARDIS provided quiet, instrumental music and River's favorite soaps. She was trying to relax, but the sight had shaken her and she felt paralyzed.

The Doctor soon woke up noticing her absence and the semi-open bathroom door. "River?"

"Yeah?" She opened her eyes, his voice drawing her out of her head.

He sat up, rubbing his eyes. "How long have you been up?"

"I don't know." She breathed, shifting in the water, "I haven't been keeping track."

"Have you had breakfast yet? I can make something."

"I'm not really hungry." She whispered.

"Alright." He was starting to close his eyes again. "Shout if you need anything."

She closed her eyes as well, the TARDIS making the water a bit warmer. As the Doctor fell back asleep, the ship switched the music to some songs that the hearing kids liked to listen to after school. River started falling asleep as well, the warm water relaxing her enough to do so. The TARDIS dimmed the lights for her. Sleep came easily once the lights were lowered. The ship made sure the water level lowered when she nodded off, keeping it warm for her comfort.

She woke up after another hour. Her sleep had been surprisingly dream-less, perhaps her mind was too tired to conjure anything up. The water was darker than when she first got in, and to her horror there were bits of tissue in the water as well. She quickly moved to drain the water, moving out of the tub and into the shower to rinse off the dirty water.

The TARDIS had stopped the music by this point. More tissue was coming away with the blood. It happened when she showered on her periods, but passing bits of what was once her baby, while biologically was just one very heavy period, was emotionally very much not.

Once she was rinsed off, she stopped out of the shower, wrapping a warm towel around herself and getting dressed. It was still rather early in the morning and she figured her husband was still asleep.

The bed was empty when she came out of the bathroom. She threw on a warm sweater, the TARDIS feeling a bit chilly, "Doctor?" There was no immediate answer, whatever room he was in too far for her voice to carry.

She frowned, wondering the halls, calling his name every so often. Eventually, he responded with an, "over here," from behind one of the doors she passed.

She turned around, stopping in front of the door, "Can I come in?"

"Yes."

She entered the room, "Are you alright?"

He was semi-dressed, wearing a t-shirt and jeans, and lying on a large blob of cushion that was roughly shaped like a couch. He held a coffee in his hands, staring up at the ceiling which was patterned like a massive star chart.

"Doctor?" She repeated, staying in the doorway. He glanced over at her, regarding her with a nod and a slight lift of his coffee mug. "Do you need anything?" She asked softly, wrapping the sweater tighter around her body.

"Company would be nice." He murmured. She hesitated, then entered the room, sitting down on the edge of one of the cushions. "You look cold." He observed.

"It's cold in here." She nodded, "Are you not cold?"

"A bit." He shrugged. "Coffee's warm."

"That's new..." She murmured, "Coffee..."

"Is it?"

"You didn't ever really drink coffee before." She nodded.

"Oh. New taste buds, I guess."

"I guess so." She nodded, "How long have you been up?"

"Not long. You looked like you were enjoying your bath."

"I fell asleep." She hummed.

"You got up pretty early."

"The cramps woke me up." She murmured.

"Did you take something for them?"

"No, the bath helped. They've died down a bit now."

"That's good." He murmured. She nodded again, growing quiet.

They stared up at the ceiling. There were thin, glowing lines connecting some of the stars and galaxies. River stared at the stars, watching as they twinkled, "Is this room new?" She asked quietly.

"Ish. Think we've had it for a few years."

She nodded slowly, "I don't think I've been in here before."

"I've only been a few times. I think the lines," he gestured up with his index finger, "are our path."

"Oh." She looked up at them with new interest, studying the "map."

"I'm not quite sure what order it's going in."

"It looks like something Amelia and Freya would be interested in."

He hummed in agreement. "I'll show it to them."

"They'll be thrilled." She smiled. While the kids all appreciated tales from their past, the twins had always shown more interest in their parents' full story than the other children.

River looked back at the map, watching the lines and sparkles. They sat there for a long while, quietly studying the map.

"Are you hungry?" She asked quietly.

"A bit." He replied.

"I'll make breakfast." She offered.

"Want help?"

"If you want to help." She nodded. He went with her to the kitchen where two of the cats were waiting in front of their food bowls.

"Hello." River murmured to the animals, feeding them first. Tiber and Samantha eagerly devoured their breakfast as the Doctor peered into the fridge.

"What are you in the mood for?"

"Anything will do." She stood beside him, looking into the fridge. She still didn't have much of an appetite, only eating because she knew she should rather than because she was hungry.

He pulled out a few eggs and some bread for toast. "I can make the eggs." She held out her hand to take them. He passed them over, putting the bread in the toaster. She pulled out a pan, starting on making scrambled eggs.

They sat down, eating breakfast quietly.