They went away in the Tarids, and landed on the lawn soon before the departure of PFP in the luxury band bus.

"We need some of Jasper's DNA," explained Dumbledore. "In the near future he'll be assimilated by Daleks in his own bed, and we need the means to restory his vampiriety."

"Oh, sure!" said Jasper, and pulled out a few hairs and a chewing gum. "That oughtta do."

Then they flew to Rome, to Hotel Casanova right after Edward's mishap. His balls were still dangling from the faucet, glittering in the sunset light.

"I'll never look at Christmas tree ornaments the same innocent way again!" Harry said, accioing the petrified genitals from the bronze tubing. "Hopefully this will make Edward stop whining!"

Then they left to catch Luciono Malfoe before he could mutate all the animinals in Loch Nessie. He got tied up like a haystack, and carried off to Azkabazar. But it was time to rejoice in rightousness. So they sped off home, and gave Carlisle the samples, and accioed Madam Frenchfries to assist in the rebuilding of specimentationnnnn.

Very soon Jasper was his true form again, and Harry wiped his memory clean before he could extract revenge for having been dumped at Uncle Goober's lab and vivisected. Alice was really, really happy, and dumped Peter because she couldn't date two buoys at the same time. That's illegal.

Edward came home late and drunk from the pub. He had done some meth too, because Ben said it made people be more tolerant and better people. And they thought Edward needed more humanity.

"I have a present for you!" said Harry and gave Edward a box that was wrapped in appropriately sparkly paper.
"Thaaaaanks," said Edward druggedly, and shambled upstairs. They all heard his happy squeal when he opened it.

Bella and Peter was down in the library, making out on a fake cheetah rug. (REEL fur is MURDER!) They were about to take all their clothes off and make sex naked, when Edward came rushing in.

"Bella!" he shouted. "I'm my own self again!"

"What?" Bella questionmarked.

"I'm soooo sorry I've been avoiding you!" Edward said in his deep, mannily voice. "It was not because I didn't love you anymore. I lost my penis and balls in a bathtub when we were in Rome, and I couldn't tell you about my emasculination! You see, I was afraid you'd go back to Jacob, since he has a very big dick."

"Of course I wouldn't go back to Jacob, after all the shit he's done!" said Bella. She fell around Edward's neck and cried into his strong, muscley chest that brushed against her boobs and sexous body. (It was meant sexily, because he's not her Dad.) Then she dumped Peter, because he could never measure up to her true Edward.

Peter was a little depressed, but then he noticed Mary Alice sitting in the garden swing. Suddenly he realized that she was a beautiful woman. She was also his best friend, and he understood that he had loved her all along. His heart was breaking at the thought of how much he had hurt her with those other girls. Would she be able to ever forgive him?

She forgave him.

There was good news for the Doctor and Ruth as well. Now that the wrongs of the past had been righted, she could remember her past. And as she regained her memory, she turned back into Rose Tyler, who had been in disguise for her protection! So they were lovers reunited.

Esme made a party to celebrate that everything was well, and everyone came and celebrated. Except Alice. She had to babysit Carlie, because she'd be scared of all the people, since many people reminded her of the factory. That was punishement because Alice had been so mean to Jasper. The whole family hated her a little, except Jasper who couldn't remember.

Suddenly there was a knock on the door, and it was Vaughn and a lady.

"Should we let him in?" asked Mariel. "He's a terrorist."

"Oh, I forgot to tell you," said Professor Snaple, with his mouth full of pie. "He's not a terrorist after all. He was just trying to impress Maya, because she gave up on him when he decided many years ago to become a morally compromized businessman instead of a famous conductor of a philharmonic orchestra. But she saw him in concert, and realized he's a changed man."

Then all the couples got engaged, and there was lots of champain going around.

But then there was another knock on the door, and it was... NIKKI!

"Oh my goodness, we mustn't look at each other!" said Mariel. "You go insane if you see your future self!"

"No worries," said Nikki smiling. "I have been told by the time travellers what happened, so I expected you to be here."

"But aren't you supposed to be on a glorious expedition in time and space?" Mariel asked.

"Yes, kind of," Nikki explained. "But I'm uncoming from the train, so to speak. Now, I'm staying here, where everything is alright again. I've always wanted to be a twin."

"Oh YEAH" shouted Mariel. "ME TOO!"

"Yeah, you're just like ME!" said Nikki. "That's why you're so awesome! I can't wait to be your other half!"

"I can't believe I have an identical twin!" shouted Mariel happily. "What's mom going to say when she comes back?"

"Oh, I called her in the past and asked if it was OK," said Nikki. "She was totally cool with it."

"Awesome!" exclaimed Mariel. "Oh, let's head home and have a girl-talk night. We need to sort out who of us is going to date Dimitri. Uncle Goober is in prison, so the house is safe again."

"I haven't met Dimitri yet," said Nikki. "The past got changed a bit, so I'm with Matt."

"But isn't he kind of old?" Mariel asked.

"Yeah, but he's a tim traveller too," Nikki explained. "So I'm dating his younger version."

Suddenly they all heard crying from the garden.

"That better not be Carlie who's upset!" Esme hissed. "I'll kill Alice if she's been negligent."

The door went up, and in came Renesmee. She had now never been lake monster.

"You forgot me down on the beach!" she sniffled.

"RENESMEEEEEEEE!" cried Bella happily, and gathered her child up in her arms. "I love you SOOO much! Oh, Edward! Now we can adopt her and have a true family when we marry!"

The party carried on through the night, and we're now ready for... PART TWOOOOOOOOOOOO!