Chapter 29 Mother and Son

A/N This focuses on Leandra.


Leandra got up out of the bed she was sleeping in and sighed heavily. Giving a glance to empty bed near her own with a sad look in her eyes. It has been a week since Bethany was taken to the Circle. Though even if her son did come back. She still felt like she had lost another child. When it had first happened. She was distruaght over the fact that all her children were taken from her. Having believed her son had died since he was gone for nearly a month. But then her baby showed up an hour later after Bethany was taken away. He had looked so tired. Drained. And further more. Starved. He was a bit cross as normal. But his face had paled far more than his skin tone could possibly allow when the hurt expression crossed his eye as Leandra told her baby that his sister was taken. She didn't wish to remember the rage he let lose upon hearing the news. She remembered everything but the look of true pain written across his face. She couldn't bare to recall it. She shook her head trying to clear her mind as she made her way out of the room. She had awoken in the ealry night. The day had ended not too long ago. Her brother Gamlen told her to get some sleep. Her son was out late again. Just like he has been for the whole week since coming back. He would go visit his sister near nightfall and sometimes left to go prowl the streets. She knew because Aveline told her. Her baby boy wasn't himself. Something in him had changed. She assumed whatever it was. Was probably caused by the Deep Roads venture. Though her son had said it was successful despite being left to die. He also said that they stumbled upon another man from the expedition but he didn't make it. Leandra was shocked to know that he was able to control his impulses around three other people for so long. She knew he wasn't right in the head at times. Malcolm's death proved that. Sure. She painted a pretty picture to anyone willing to listen to her about her son. But deep down she knew that what happened to him so long ago changed him. For the worst. Though that still didn't stop her from trying to make him have friends. She knew that having friends could temper him enough to do what was right. And knowing he didn't turn on his friends. She knew he was getting better. She knew he was strong all those years ago. His will to live on even after what happened to him. His drive to be strong enough to protect them. He always tried his best to do what was right. Even if he was wrong. Thinking of him. Leandra stopped and looked up. After feeling the cold embrace, slick with what she knew must of been blood. His dark torrent eye staring down at her. She gave a weak smile and ran her hand along the sharpened metal of his eye patch.

Leandra figured that any other mother would be horrified by such a display violence bing given off by their own child. Her. She had grown use to it. His anger was justified after all. But it was never truly directed at her or anyone in the family. She returned the hug as she let off a sad sigh. Her son shifted to look her in the eye. "Something bothering you... Mother?" He spoke slowly. His ability to comfort was near non-existant. She smiled at him none the less. He was trying. As always. It made her proud to know he was trying so hard. Everyone might see him as some sort of monster. But in her eyes. This was her baby boy. That same wide smiling little boy who loved his family more than anything in Thedas. He also loved his friends back then. Other wise he would have never tattooed their little team symbol upon his face. Though even if that boy was dead and gone now. She still saw him in her son's eye. She remembered back when he was timid and shy. Sometimes. She wondered where that boy went. Leandra was brought back from her musings as her son gave a deep hum. She shook her head and looked up at him. "Again. Is something bothering you?" He son repeated as if pressuring her. Leandra pushed away from her son far enough to look up at him. "Just... Thinking... Of you baby." She said. Seeing his eye narrow at her before he gave a sigh. "You should be asleep, Mother..." He droned as he released her. He silently stared at her as he breathed slowly. "You know I wait till you come home, Baby." She said with a sad smile. Her son tilts his head as if trying to understand. She was sure he didn't understand her need to know he was okay. "I want you to spend the day with me again." She said slowly. He hummed a bit as he let out a breath. "It is Saturday tomorrow. Isn't it?" He asked without much interest. Leandra nodded her head. "But this time I want to go with you somewhere." She said with a smile. "Alright. Mother. I will spend time with you as you desire." He said with curt nod. He moved to walk to his room. Leandra stopped her son. "Can you let me?" She half asked. Knowing he would understand. He remained quiet before answering. "If you wish, Mother." He walked into his room.

Leandra looked at her nightclothes. She needed to get rid of these. The blood had came off of him. She felt it fall onto her from his head. He was bleeding again. That wound was so old. It had never healed properly. She sighed as she went into his room. He was sitting patiently on his bed. Waiting for her. She walked over to him. She looked even into his eye. She could see how tired he was just by looiking into his eye. Her son never showed much emotion. He only showed a sick smile when he struggled with his thoughts. Mostly angry at the world. At himself. She knew how much he didn't like looking at himself. The only reason he broke the mirror in his room into small shards. She gave a sigh. "Jake... Baby. Please talk to me..." She pleaded as she moved his hair out of the way and slowly pulled the eye patch off. The blood that had gathered underneath it spilt down his face. His tongue snaked out and licked at it, probably subconsciously. She set the twisted metal on the stand beside her son's bed. She looked at the old wound and went to clean it. As she done this, she talked to him.

"Jake. I wish you would talk to me." She said.

"I did talk to you Mother. What more do you wish for me to say?" He droned lowly his eye focused on nothing.

"Anything Dear. You used to confide in me..." She said sadly as she cleaned the blood away.

"Yes... But I have things I need to keep to myself as well Mother. I do not mean to be rude."

"Oh sweet baby... What is this about? You have hardly said anything since you came back from the Expedition..."

"I had to think on what had transpired below ground. What I do know is that I kept my promise to you." He smiled slightly. But it was a false smile and she knew it.

"Jake... It is easy to fake a smile when you have been doing it for a while..." She said. His smile faded.

"True. Yet you perfer me to smile. It gives you some sort of hope for me. Even if I am a lost cause..." He slowly said.

"Well... I am proud that you kept my promise. And you are not a lost cause. Never say that you are." She scolded a bit.

"So you have said many times before, Mother. But do you truely believe that?" Her son said glaring sharply at her. Getting Leandra to flinch for a brief moment.

"I truly do. You are strong enough to overcome this. I know you are, Jake." She said with a slight tremble in her voice.

Her son's eye widened. It seems he has heard this phrase before. She saw as he closed his eye tightly. It must have hit a nerve in him. His body twitched gently. Leandra finished cleaning the old wound and began to wrap it in clean bandages. She saw that her son kept his eye closed firmly. He let out a low growl. She pushed back his hair further so she can look at his face fully. Slowly his eye opened again. His eye showed some sort of emotion she had never seen in his eye in such a long time. Remembering one thing her own mother told her for so long. The person's eyes are the windows to their soul. And in that moment she saw little boy. Cold, alone, and depressed. The look in his eye made her want to cry. She has only seen that emotion when he was still very young. Back when he had both eyes. Both bright with light in them. They had shined with that emotion so strongly. She had believed it would never had vanished. But it did. Now nearly two decades later does she see again. Her hope for him was restored as she smiled. But that emotion vanished as soon as it showed up. Her son's eye growing cold and dark once again. Her smile faded. Her son's dark voice cut through to her. "Why do you stare me like that, Mother?" His voice low and uneasy. Leandra held back her tears. "I... Just saw something made me happy is all." She answered as she breathed deep. "How can looking at me make you happy... Unless you finally realized watching others suffer is fun.." He said as a sick smirk played on his lips. Leandra shook her head. "I could never find watching others hurt as enjoyable... I wish you didn't either. I wish you were happy. Even if just for a moment. Happy to be with friends. Happy to be with family." Leandra said as she began to cry. "I... Am such a disappointment to you... Aren't I Mother?" Leandra gasped at hearing her son say this. "I can't be happy. Unless I hurt people. I enjoy watching them bleed... I know... You wish I wasn't like this... I don't want to be like this! But I can not help myself... I try. AND. I try. To be the son you wanted. But I can't. I just can't. I can't be what you want me to be Mother... It would have been so much better if I had just died all those years ago... Then you wouldn't be disappoint in me... " Her son growled out as he clawed at his own face. Causing blood to mix and fall with the tears that fell from his eye. His teeth bared as he let out a choked breath. He stood up suddenly as his held his eye closed tightly. "I'm sorry, Mother. I am not what you wanted... I never was... But I can't..." He trailed off. Leandra tried to force her own tears away as she pulled her son into an embrace. "I could never be disappointed in you! You try! And that is what matters... I know I can't wish you to be different. You are what I wanted in a son! You're brave, strong, honest, and loyal! I know you have trouble. But that is why I believe in you because I know you can overcome this." Leandra said trying to calm her son. "How... can you say such things... Knowing what I am..." He snarled as he tried to control his emotions while his guantleted fingers were digging into his skin further drawing more blood to fall along with his tears. Locking his teeth together till it must have hurt. Leandra knew her son was right. No sane mother would wish to have a son like him. They would have abandoned him to his fate long ago. And those who did keep such a son like him were abusive. But her. She couldn't bare the though of leaving him alone. She was so close to him. Did everything in her power to make sure he was loved. She taught right from wrong. She taught him to be proper. To respect women. To honest no matter what. To be devoted his family. He was what she wanted to be. And she was proud that he done everything he could do to live up to her expectations. She was proud. Even though she knew that his mind would get lost. She let out a breath as she counted down. These bouts of his only last for a few moments he would go back to his nuetral exspression and be void of emoiton once again. He would talk and act as if his outburst never happened. She was not sure if he remembered his outbursts of depression. All she knew is that he didn't care anymore once it was over. He would simply go about his business as if it never happened to begin with it. She fet his body stop trembling. Felt him take a deep breath before letting it out. He pulled his hand from his face. The deep claw marks he dug into his skin would seal up like usual. She would never understand what he was. She just knew. That he was her son. And that is all that truly mattered to her.

Leandra released her son and looked up at him. Watching in silence as the blood reversed back into his body and his skin slowly sealed. She wished she knew what he was. His eye was half lidded and there was a neutral exspression on his face. She watched as he tilted head and looked at her. She felt like he wasn't going to respond to anymore of her words. He normally didn't. She waited for him to say what he always said after such bouts. "Are you alright, Mother?" He asked. She forced a smile and nodded. Again she was unsure if he truly remembered anything. He never spoke it. She would just push it aside ike she has always done for years. "I am alright, Jake." She said. Her son frowned. "Alright. I am a bit worried is all." She said honestly this time. Her son nodded and took his armored gloves and vambraces off. She decided to speak up before he could usher her back to her own room. "Jake. Sweetie. I want to watch you sleep." She said. Her son let out a yawn. "As you wish Mother..." He said as he laid down. Allowing her to cover him up. Leandra felt her son's eye linger on her as she pulled up a chair and then set a hand on his head. She watched him look at her for a moment before he closed his eye. She watched as his breathing evened out and slow get to where he barely made a noise. She sighed. She could never understand how he was able to do that. It was like he stopped breathing. She leaned closer to listen to his shallow breathes. She remained there for a few hours before she let off a yawn of her own. She stood up and thought about going to her own bed. She stopped and sat back down. She silently pondered on what she should do. She wished to stay her with her son but also wished to lay down and get sleep now that her son was here. She ended up falling asleep in the chair beside her son's bed. Unaware that her son's breathing was getting louder. His deep sea eye opening to stare at her.

The next morning Leandra awoken in her own bed. She sat up and looked around confused. Didn't she fall asleep in her son's room? She sat on the side of the bed and rubbed her eyes. "Morning Mother..." Her son's voice said. She looked to see her son leaning against the wall. The wood panels groaned from his weight. Leandra looked up to her son. He answered her before she could speak. "I put you in your own bed once you fell asleep. I have set up everything for you. You wish for me to spend the day with you. I said yes even though a follower of mine wished for my presence. But you did say you wished to go with me." He said slowly. Leandra stood up and looked at her son. "Oh. Who are you going to met? I am sure you can spend time with me some other time. You should be with your friends." She said with a smile. Her son frowned. "They are not friends, Mother. Besides. I have said I will spend the day with you. Also. Did you not wish to meet them at one point?" He said tilting his head. "Oh Jake sweetie. I doubt you would be able to do anything with an old woman like me hanging around you and your... Friends..." She said. Not sure what else to call her son's companions. "I doubt it. One of them is far older than they look. It should be entertaining and if you do not like it. Then I will bring you home post haste." Her son said. Leandra smiled and slowly nodded. She watched her son walk out of the room. She looked down at what her son had picked. The clothes looked like armor. She suddenly wondered if where they were going was not a safe place. She was about to ask when she heard her son's voice. "Do not fret, Mother. You will be well protected. It is just down the road. At the Hanged Man." He said through the door. Leandra sighed. She didn't like the idea of having to be armored. But she knew her son wished for her to be protected. So she put the clothes on. It was rather regal as well as durable. It was like a dress but armored. She wondered where her son got this. She shrugged and walked out of her room. "Uncle is already gone. Probably at his favorite hang out like usual..." Her son said as his eye trailed off to the side as he gave off a disgusted noise. Leandra sighed before she followed after her son out the door and locked it.

She walked right beside her son as she entered the Hanged Man. The noise died down suddenly as everyone went quiet. Leandra was suprised by this. Until she noticed everyone looking at her son. They were afraid of him. She could see it in their eyes. The only one who waved at him was Corff the barman. She followed after her son up the stairs. They stopped in front of a steel door. Hawke pushed open the door and walked in. Leandra was about to question why he didn't knock until she heard someone talk. "There you are Killer. Oh I see you brought your Mother. Hello Madam. I am Varric Tethras. One of the other guys who got left to die in the Deep Roads..." The dwarf said as his smile became forced. Leandra walked in after her son and nodded at the dwarf. She remembered him. He was there when she had walked up to her son. Varric had looked past Leandra and greeted the next people that walked up. "Good morning, Aveline. And good morning Broody." Varric said his smile came back normal. Leandra moved out of the way and stood queitly. She felt out of place in her son's friend's place. "Leandra. How are you doing and why are you here?" Aveline asked. Leandra perked up at seeing Aveline. "I wanted to follow my son today. See what kind of trouble he gets into. Even though I know he is an angel." She joked. "Pfft. Angel yeah right! Sorry but Killer is not an angel..." Varric snickered. Hawke rolled his eye. Aveline ignored the dwarf as she walked to sit down. Leandra looked over to the elf known as Fenris. She smiled widely as she seen him. He looked at her and bowed slightly. She had been teaching him to read and write. It made her feel like she was teaching her own son how to read and write even if her son was incapable of learning how to read. She thought that Fenris and her son acted similar. She noticed that Fenris gave her son an odd look. Her son ignored the elf for the most part. Fenris looked to be slightly hurt but he shrugged it off quickly. Though he still looked at her son. Her attention was broken when a sweet voice started up. "Hello! You must be Hawke's mother! You are so pretty! Does he get his long pretty hair from you? Your hair is also very long. Is it soft and silky to touch? Is Hawke's hair like your's? He won't let me touch his hair. Can I touch your hair?" The small evhen girl babbled. Leandra's son gave a growl. Leandra though just thought this girl was strange yet cute. "I. Yes my hair is long. And yes I am Jake's Mother." She said. The elf girl loked confused. "Whose Jake?" She asked. "Daft Dalish mage... That is Hawke's first name..." Fenris remarked coldly. Leandra's son smirked a bit at that. All the elf girl said was, "Oh. My name's Merrill!" She chirped. Leandra smiled. "So Killer's first name is Jake... It fits!" Varric said excitedly. Leandra was going to say something when a dark haired woman walked in. "Oh Hello. Who brought their mother?" The Ravaini asked. "Hawke did." Fenris replied. "All Right then. Name's Isabela. Nice to meet you. Mama Hawke." Isabela giggled. The dark haired pirate was suddenly asked to move. "I am tired like a damn dog... Move Isabela so I can sit down." The blonde warden said as he walked past Isabela. He looked at Leandra and waved. "Hi... Hawke's Mom?" He asked randomly. Leandra nodded. "Figured. Seen you when we left for the Deep Roads... Name's Anders." He said with a yawn. "Move it Mage..." Leandra's son growled. Anders looked at him and pouted. Though the blonde mage made no move to do anything. "So Mother. You have now met my followers. I just came here for the information about the treasure from the Dwarf. He set up everything. Getting bidders and buyers for the stuff." He said looking at the dwarf in question. "Yeah yeah. Look some of the stuff has already been sold. You should be getting the proceeds sometime tomorrow. Alright, Killer?" Varric said as he leaned back in his seat. "Now Mother can buy decent food other than the garbage Uncle Gamlen calls food." Her son said. "Jake. Sweetie. Thank you for introducing me to your friends. I wish to go home now. I am so proud of you." Leandra said with a smile. Her son was queit as he slowly nodded and left the room without saying anything. "I don't know how Hawke can be sweet but I am glad you are finally getting out to get some air, Leandra. Be careful and I hope you get your estate back." Aveline said with a smile. Leandra nodded. "It was wonderful meeting all of you. Bye." Leandra said as she walked out of the room to find her son waiting at the bottom of the stairs.

They both remained quiet on the walk back home. Leandra was so happy to know her son had friends. She smiled happily for him knowing that he would never do that on his own. Having people he can talk to. It filled her with so much hope that maybe he can finally be healed.


A/N And there we go. leandra's relationship with her son. She finally got to meet all his friends err companions!
And Thus is the ending of Act 1! The next chaters will be he years in between.
Leave me a comment on what you want to see. Because I have so many things planned! One involves sweet Bethany ^w^