29. Together Forever?
JACOB BLACK
Her whole sleeping bag was shaking. Curled into herself, her body violently trembled as her teeth chattered endlessly. I couldn't see her skin as she was making every attempt at keeping it away from the exposure of the sub-zero temperature. Her sleeping bag didn't zip up all the way, so she had to lower her face just below the opening where the heat from her own body radiated. The bloodsucker definitely picked a top-notch sleeping bag there…
"Why didn't you yell or something if you were cold?" I asked with a frown.
She didn't look at me, keeping her face hidden and away from the cold.
"I-I-I c-can b-b-barely even s-s-s-speak," Bella stuttered.
It pulled at my heart seeing her like this. I shouldn't have been talking to Edward when Bella was freezing to death in this lousy tent. How did I not hear her suffering in here with her teeth rattling as loud as they were? Did the extreme chills just hit her?
"Scoot over, I'm coming in," I instructed.
"N-no, I-I-I'm f-f-fine," she struggled to say.
My eyebrows furrowed in confusion. "Has the low temperature driven you insane?"
"I d-d-don't wanna m-move."
"Well, if you don't, you're gonna freeze to death."
"I-I'm w-w-warm."
"The hell you are…"
I didn't listen to any further protests she had. I crawled over and unzipped her sleeping bag all the way down. She let out a distressed whimper as a gust of wind shook the tent and seeped in through the opening I made. She didn't have to worry for long as I squeezed into the down bag with her, forcing the zipper up behind me since it wasn't exactly built for two, especially with someone as big as me.
I quickly wrapped my arms tightly around her, pressing her into my chest. Bella responded eagerly by returning my embrace, and as her icy palms pressed into my bare back, I realized just how cold she was.
"Jeez, you're freezing, Bella," I complained.
"S-s-s-sorry," she stuttered.
I sighed. "And you didn't want me to join you, why?"
"I f-f-found the w-warmest position. I-I-I d-didn't want t-to m-move."
"But isn't this much, much warmer?"
"Y-y-yes…"
"Well alrighty then." I smiled at her, not expecting one back since her chattering teeth didn't look like they'd let her. "Try to relax. You'll be warmed up in a minute. Of course, you'd warm up faster if you took your clothes off."
Bella tilted her head up at me, her expression curious. "W-what?"
I chuckled. "It's just a simple fact. That way we share body heat. Y'know, survival one-oh-one."
"Oh…"
I gave her a teasing smirk and rubbed my hands on her back. I didn't expect her to actually do it and she really didn't need to. My body heat was enough to get her sweating in no time. Of course I wasn't always right and apparently this was one of those times in regards to my former thought.
Bella started squirming in my arms like she was trying to get loose, which didn't make sense to me. Why would she want to get away from my warmth when it was still a crazy winter wonderland outside?
"C-could you l-l-let me g-go for a s-second?" she asked. "Unless y-you want to t-t-take them off."
My mouth popped open. "You're serious?"
"A-a-aren't you?"
"I-I-I…" Great, now I was stuttering.
I ended up loosening my hold on her enough so she could move around, although it might've just been from surprise and not on purpose.
Bella started shivering like crazy and rushed to get her thick sweatshirt off that was damp from all the melted snow. She struggled to pull it over her head with the little room she had in her sleeping bag, but ultimately succeeded, throwing it in the far left corner of the tent. Next came her jeans, which she quickly unzipped and squirmed out of. Just inches away from me was Bella in only a dark purple bra. We were too confined for me to see what was below torso level, but I could only assume there were panties down there. I didn't get to look for very long, hardly even a second, as Bella quickly tightened her arms around me, pulling us flush against each other and legs tangled together. I flinched a bit at how much of her icy cold skin was touching mine and she gave me an apologetic frown for it, but I really didn't care. She felt sooo good.
I had never felt so much of Bella's skin before. She was so smooth, despite the goose bumps. Her body was shaped in just the right way; with waist curved inward and hips modestly extended out, but not to such a degree like most super models are these days. My hands had minds of their own as they curiously explored along her slender legs and especially taking a liking to her bare thighs. I lightly traced my thumb along the edge of her panties at her right cheek, which was pretty much all covered, making me wish she had smaller underwear. But what was I complaining for? My heart was racing from just how much of her I could touch right now. Not to mention her pillow-soft breasts squeezing together as they pressed against my own chest definitely adding to my arousal.
"Y-y-you're right," Bella stuttered. "This is m-much better."
"Hell yeah, it is," I wholeheartedly agreed.
I really hoped Bella wouldn't complain about getting 'poked', because it was gonna happen.
We laid there quietly like that for a while, holding onto each other and sharing warmth, although I was doing most of the giving. I could hear Seth outside as his paws stepped in the snow at a constant pattern; probably pacing to keep himself active. It'd just occurred to me that I didn't have any kind of alarm clock with me that I could set for the time of battle. I was hopeful that Seth would stay up and fill that role.
"Thank you," Bella suddenly said in a soft voice.
"You're welcome," I responded. "For what exactly?"
"For being here. For keeping me warm."
I nodded. "It's my pleasure. How do you feel? Still cold?"
"As long as I hold onto you, I should be fine."
"Glad to be of service." I smirked.
She smiled back at me and rested her head against my shoulder. I sighed happily and lightly rubbed her back, feeling how incredibly smooth her skin was now that she warmed up.
I really, really missed her. It was amazing what just one week apart could do. But after days of fearing the worst, she was here in my arms again. Her smell, her beautiful face, her perfect body, her sweet voice, her melodic heart beat; everything was right here. I wanted to hold her like this forever, but even if the vampire was out of the picture, the sad truth was our problems weren't over yet. An old foe that might even be more frightening than the bloodsucker once again reared its ugly head.
"Bella," I whispered.
"Hm?"
"Do you love me?"
She lifted her head up to look at me. "Of course I do. I always have."
"Okay." I nodded and paused for a second. "Why do you love me?"
A warm smile stretched across her face.
"You make everything worthwhile," Bella began. "You're very warm-hearted, thoughtful, protective, funny, and just a blast to hang out with. You mean so much to me. I don't know what I'd do with my life everyday without you there."
"Really?"
"Really, really," she giggled.
Her words warmed my apparently already warm heart, but her needing me like this wasn't all good. I needed her too. I felt the exact same way. But all those feelings would disappear the moment it happened. I wouldn't even miss them.
"If I wasn't there for you…what about Edward?" I asked, kind of afraid of her answer.
She frowned. "It's not that simple, Jacob. Edward isn't some band-aid that will make everything okay. Nothing would be the same. I couldn't be completely happy without you. Not anymore."
"What about vice versa? If you didn't have Edward, would I be able to make it better?"
"Well…you did. Remember?"
I chuckled lightly. "Oh yeah."
It was quiet for a moment. Even the wind outside seemed to be calm for the moment. I could hear Bella's heart beat at a steady rhythm. Relaxed.
"If you felt like you're life would be nothing without me, then when I got mad and yelled at you to get away from me, how come you didn't, y'know, fight back?" I asked. "I mean, I'm glad you didn't because you could've gotten hurt if I phased, but you didn't stick around at my house or come looking for me either. Things definitely weren't clear with how that ended."
She winced, her expression filled with guilt. "Because…I didn't think I had the right to fight back. I kissed someone else that I still had feelings for behind your back. Your anger and…" she winced again, "…rejection of me would've been understandable. I hurt you. I would have deserved being lonely."
"Jeez, don't talk like that…"
"Why not? Isn't it true? Usually you break up with someone if they cheated on you."
"True…" I frowned. "But you did tell me about it. You weren't kissing him behind my back in hopes that I'd never find out…right?"
She shook her head. "Of course not. It was a mistake, I felt horrible."
"I guess that makes me feel a little better," I sighed.
Absent-mindedly, I brushed my fingers along her back, feeling her smooth, but still slightly cold skin. It reminded me of her possible fate if it wasn't a 'mistake.'
"My main worry was that you'd love him more and toss me aside the moment you guys reconnected," I admitted. She looked like she was about to say something, probably that I was wrong, but I quickly continued before she could. "But I know now that I mean a lot more than that. Plus, even if it was true and you chose Edward over me, I still would've fought back."
"Fought back? Really?" she asked curiously.
"Yeah, because you're too important to lose."
She smiled at me for a moment.
I smiled back and chuckled lightly. "Coming to your graduation party and begging was kind of Plan A."
"Really? And what if that didn't work?"
"I probably would've just kissed you." I chuckled guiltily. "I was thinking if Edward could do it and win your heart back, then maybe I could do the same."
She rolled her eyes. "What is it with you two and kissing me without permission?"
"Sorry. I know that you'd forgive me anyway."
"I would have." She nodded. "And…if that didn't work?"
I could feel my heart beat faster. My Plan C was definitely my most desperate one and not one I was too proud of.
"Well, we were sort of exploring further into our relationship recently," I mumbled. "I was thinking maybe you'd be more interested if I reminded you what we could do together that we'd been trying to do for a few weeks."
Her eyes widened. "You were gonna bribe me with sex?"
"It was Quil and Embry's idea," I blurted out quickly to save myself. I'd be blushing if my skin wasn't already red.
"Really now?" she giggled, which kind of surprised me.
"Well, since you obviously can't do it with him safely, I figured I'd offer you something that he couldn't. Unless…" I swallowed thickly, thinking of the other alternative.
She raised a brow at me curiously. "Unless what?"
I grimaced and let out a deep sigh. "Unless he changed you. No worries about breaking you when you're as sturdy as he is."
"Oh…"
I looked her straight in the eye. "Bella, I'll be honest with you. If I ever lost you to someone else, even though it would hurt a lot to see you go, as long as you were happy and healthy, I could accept it and maybe move on. But…if he changed you and made you like him, taking away your soul, your humanity, your life…" I shook my head, cringing at the thought, "I don't think I could handle that."
She frowned and slowly brought her left hand to my face, brushing her thumb on my cheek. Seeing her now, gazing at her beautiful eyes, feeling her incredibly soft skin, and listening to her precious heartbeat, it stung like flaming needles in my chest to think of her as a cold, hollow, bloodthirsty version of what she once was. I didn't want the girl I loved to become a monster, especially not one I was perfectly designed to hunt and kill.
"Jake, don't think like that," Bella whispered. "I don't want to be a vampire anymore. Even if I chose Edward, I still wouldn't want it."
My heart skipped a beat at what she'd said. "What?"
"Yes. Even though I don't think I'd be losing my soul or humanity by becoming one, I do know I'd be leaving the life I had behind. I might have to constantly move around every few years so people don't get suspicious. I'd never be able to see my parents or my friends again. I'd probably have to come up with some bogus reason for why I'm gone forever, maybe fake my own death or something. To abandon them and put them through that pain just so I could live a perfect romantic life with a vampire would just be selfish and wrong."
I just nodded my head, agreeing with everything.
"And the biggest reason is that we couldn't see each other anymore. With the treaty rules and our supposed natural instincts, it'd be too difficult. That alone is reason enough."
"Yeah…" I mumbled, my face scrunching up as I imagined her out of control with bloodlust. The whole pack would have to take her down.
"Besides, I hate blood," she said humorously. "I can't imagine having to consume that for the rest of my existence."
"Tell me about it." I shivered in disgust.
Another gust of freezing wind rocked the tent from outside as I tightened my arms around her reflexively. I couldn't hear Seth pacing anymore so I assumed he must've sat down to rest. I just hoped he wasn't buried in snow by now. Bella hid her face in my chest until the violent air finally calmed down.
"Thank you," she said with a warm smile. "I'll say it again, I couldn't handle losing you for good. Not for anyone. I might have months ago, but not anymore. You're too important."
I knew those words should've planted a permanent grin on my face, but I just cringed instead. Even if Bella was one hundred percent devoted to me forever, could I be?
"Um…about that," I said in a low voice.
"Hmm?" She looked at me with concern when I didn't give the response she was expecting.
"I talked to Edward outside for a little bit."
Her eyes widened. "Oh, really? You didn't fight or anything, did you?"
"Maybe just a little." I smirked for a second.
"Jake…"
I shrugged. "Anyway, I mentioned to him what Alice said about not being able to see you in her visions or whatever she has. He was concerned about me imprinting, but I told her that it wouldn't happen because Alice can't see you."
She swallowed nervously. "Uh huh…"
"But…"
"But…?" She looked me directly in the eye, seeming eager to hear what I had to say.
I just frowned and sighed. "He said something about Alice only seeing things based on decisions, but it's still not absolute, because she can't see anything unexpected."
She was silent for a moment, still staring at me.
"What does that mean?" she asked.
"Well…imprinting is pretty unexpected."
"Yes, it is." She nodded, seeming like she knew where this was going, which confused me.
"So…I guess this means that I might still imprint." I shuddered at the word.
I expected some sort of shocked response, but all she did was nod slowly.
"I know," she said in such a low voice it was practically a whisper.
My eyes widened in surprise. "You know?"
"Edward told me."
"Oh…" Of course the bloodsucker would tell her, probably trying to fill both our heads with doubt. For once I wished I was the mind reader so I could see what he was scheming.
Bella didn't say anything and she looked away from me. I could hear and feel her heart accelerate along with her trembling body as her hands around me balled up into fists. I supposed even though she already knew, it wasn't something pleasant to bring up for her.
Her lip started quivering too and I cringed when tears began falling from her eyes. I wasn't sure if they were angry tears or sad ones, but that really didn't matter.
"Bella…" I whispered, trying to make my tone soothing.
I moved one hand to the back of her head and pulled her in as she planted her face into my chest. At that moment she began sobbing and tightened her hold around me even more. I wasn't sure what to say to make things better because it was a shitty situation. All I could think of doing was to hold her and rub the back of her head lightly until she calmed down.
I didn't think the tent felt quieter than the moment Bella stopped crying. I was waiting for her to say something. Anything. What did her silence mean? Was she re-thinking having a relationship with someone like me who could leave her unexpectedly at any time? I wouldn't blame her. Why stay with someone that you know isn't a stable choice? As dangerous as the bloodsucker was, at least she'd know that they'd stay together, as long as he didn't pull another 'I'm leaving you to save you' deal. It really made me think what would be the best choice for Bella. I couldn't keep her just to make myself happy. To spend years and years loving her only to leave suddenly had to be the worst thing I could put her through. It'd be better to end things now while there was still a chance to recover. She was still young, plenty of time to get over it, right? Hopefully she could find someone else to fall for, preferably someone whose main diet wasn't blood.
"Bella," I whispered, "I know this is a lot to handle. So if you don't think you can go through with this, I understand."
She removed her face from my chest to look up at me. "Huh?"
"It's a lot to ask of you to stay with me when I might not even do the same. So if you'd rather be with someone a little more stable, then I won't stop you."
Her expression suddenly turned angry, like I insulted her. And if her expression wasn't proof enough that I made her mad, her knee deliberately ramming into my genital regain definitely was. I flinched back in pain and crossed my legs to guard from any further attacks, but it didn't help take away the intense, stinging pain.
"Fuck!" I shouted and gritted me teeth. "What the hell, Bella?"
"You had three plans to win me back and now you're just letting me go?" she asked with a deep frown.
I groaned, mostly from the pain I was still feeling. "But, what about the imprinting? Aren't you worried about that? I could leave you anyway."
"Or maybe you won't."
"It's a big risk though."
"Jacob, I am not going to give you up over something that might never even happen. Didn't you hear me say I couldn't handle losing you?"
"That's the point, it might happen later in the future."
"MIGHT!" She put extra emphasis on the word. "It MIGHT happen, Jacob. Why ensure that I lose you right now when there's a good chance I never will? Isn't imprinting supposed to be rare?"
"Yeah, but look at our pack. It's already happened with three."
I sighed deeply and squeezed my eyes shut as I waited for the pain to subside. I was grateful that it wasn't a full blown kick or I might not have been able to offer one thing to Bella that the bloodsucker couldn't. After a minute passed, I opened my eyes again and looked back into her deep, brown ones.
"Bella, I just don't want to hurt you," I said sincerely. "To live with you for years and years, making you feel secure, only to one day suddenly imprint and leave you. That has to be the worst thing I could possibly do to you."
"You're not doing anything, Jacob. It's not your fault if you imprint. You can't help it and you can't see it coming, right? This is my choice. If anything, I'd be causing myself pain if that ever happened."
"And I don't want you to do that. I don't want you to be miserable."
"No one wants that, but like I said, it's my choice. At least I'll be fully aware and understand what's going on if it happens. I can't say for a fact whether I'll be alright, but at least I'll know you found someone who can still make you happy."
I sighed. "Bella…"
She put her hand to my lip, stopping me from saying anything else. She didn't say anything immediately; we just stared into each other's eyes as time felt like it suddenly stood still. Bella removed her hand and I'd forgotten what I was going to say in the first place.
"I will hold on to you for as long as I possibly can, Jacob Black," she announced.
I didn't feel like I could argue against it anymore. Bella was fighting to keep us together, why was I making such a fuss? She had the positive attitude, why not me? We were dealing with something that might not even happen. It wasn't like I was going to imprint for sure. We could have a wonderful future ahead of us and I was suggesting she throw it away. What the hell was wrong with me? If Bella wanted to take the risk, then I was more than ready.
"Bella, I don't know if it's even possible, but if I ever do imprint, I'll do everything I can to fight it," I said with certainty I wasn't sure if I was allowed to have.
"You'll fight it?"
I nodded. "Yeah. I honestly don't know how, but I'll think of something. Maybe the pull won't be as powerful if I've been with someone else for years. I mean, I have to have some kind of mind of my own. I can't be a total slave to her, right?"
A smile slowly stretched across her face. "I'm happy to hear that."
And then we were staring again; both of us getting lost in each other, not caring how long. In that moment, it really did feel like everything had been officially set. I felt more connected to her than ever before. If I ignored the stupid imprinting, it felt like nothing could possibly get in our way. Sometimes you just have that gut feeling that things will work out, and looking into those beautiful orbs of brown complimented by the brightest smile in the world, I knew I found the one. No imprinting necessary.
Our faces were slowly moving closer to each other, both wanting that one thing we hadn't experienced since our fight. Bella's arms found their way back around my neck as she closed her eyes in preparation.
"Wait," I said sharply, putting my hand up in between our magnetic lips.
Bella looked at me confused. "What's wrong?"
"Well, you kneed me in the balls, Bella. I think I need more time to forgive you for that one." I looked at her with narrowed eyes, making my expression as stern and serious as I could.
Her eyes widened for a split second before filling up with guilt. She hung her head with a grimace, her arms loosening around my neck slightly.
"I'm sorry," she whispered. "I shouldn't have done that. I'm not a guy, so I don't know how it feels."
Wow. Even though I was trying to look serious, I didn't expect her to really feel bad. I was hoping she could see through my jokes.
"Yeah, you don't know," I scolded, playing it along a bit further.
She was quiet after that. Her heart started beating faster out of nervousness, guilt, or maybe embarrassment. After just ten seconds, I couldn't take it anymore. I wanted her to be happy, and frankly, I needed a kiss.
"Okay, times up," I said with a smile and lifted her chin up for her to look at me.
I wasted no time and pressed my lips to hers, the contact sending a spark through me that felt familiar, but so much more powerful. I'd missed this feeling and having it back was like a breath of fresh air after nearly drowning. Of course one breath wasn't enough, I wanted as much as I could get. I pulled her tightly against my chest, arms flexing around her, as our eager lips moved with each other perfectly. With her hands at my neck, Bella slowly snaked her fingers upward through my hair, grabbing a fist full when we intensified the kiss. We both opened our mouths, letting each other in. Our tongues became reacquainted as they twirled around each other in the same way we always did, like dance partners that hadn't danced together in a while and were happy to finally perform again.
Our hearts were racing, but from excitement, not fear or nervousness. We kissed for what could have been hours, but again, I wasn't counting the time. Our lips refused to stop. When they took a break to breathe, they found themselves pressed together again. In that moment, absolutely nothing matter to me except her. Were we still in a tent? Were we still on a freezing mountain? Was Seth still outside and possibly listening to our lips smacking? I had no idea. All I knew was that I was in my own personal heaven and I did not want to leave.
"I love you, Jacob," Bella whispered a little breathlessly.
"I love you, Bella," I whispered back before my lips found hers once again.
Author's Note: I'll admit, this chapter should NOT have taken this long. I am back in college so I am more busy with school work, financial issues, and making time for new friends I've made, but still, it's been almost 2 months...and I apologize. I don't think I can make my goal of getting this story done before BD Part 2 hits, but DAMMIT I 'WILL' finish this story. I might even continue it in a part 2 if the Twilight fanbase is still alive.
Chapter 30 is coming soon. Please leave your feedback and review.
