Author's notes: That feeling you get when you get to the part you've been wanting to write for so long. Since before you started. And its there. And you wait six months to actually do it. because you want to actually enjoy writing it. And the wait was so freaking necessary and omg we're here. 3 plus years and we're here. I am so happy... And scared. But omg... o.m.g.
Our arms were wrapped around each other as tightly as possible. My teeth were gritted together, there was the faint taste of blood, and my eyes were squeezed shut. When I breathed in, it was thin. I could smell smoke, there was the sent of dust, the air was too thick with it. My heart was racing, a small whimper escaped my throat as I pressed my face harder against Sailor Moon, but I could still feel her. She was everywhere. There was no escape now.
And I couldn't face her. This wasn't even my own battle, but I still couldn't face her. My guilt was chocking me as much as the fear, the two emotions had fused into one. Chaos couldn't know who I was, but a part of me was certain that it was impossible. She would know. She would always know. She would see through me. Like Luna had. Like Chibiusa had. She, above all, had known the true me. She knew me more than anyone else. As much as I hated that, it was true. She knew me. She would know. And how greatly she would revel in it!
She would know!
She would know I had let Usagi die.
I had... I had almost... I had almost let Galaxia die. I had almost killed her myself. Even knowing everything I did about her! Even after everything I had let the anger... That hatred... I had...
The Doctor was wrong. He was so wrong. He had told me to look for myself. To look for Usagi in myself. To really watch Sailor Moon and think... But all I had done was prove everything I'd ever thought right. I wasn't Usagi. I wasn't... Chaos had been right all along. I'd destroyed everything. I'd destroyed her.
"OOH SUCH POWER!"
I pressed into Sailor Moon even as she tried to lift her head, to try to face it, but I whimpered again and she lowered her head, trying to comfort me briefly even in her own terror. Chaos' voice. It was so much bigger than usual. It boomed around us, over the raging powers. Louder than the explosion that had ripped Galaxia's castle to shreds. It just wasn't louder than my guilt. My guilt that I had destroyed Usagi. That I had destroyed that-
"That white brilliance! The most powerful light in the galaxy! Finally... Finally you have foung your way to me."
Usagi... Sailor Moon...
I couldn't breath.
"I am Chaos."
My head was spinning, I wasn't getting enough air in all of this. My heart was racing too quickly. There were tears under my eyelids even as I shivered against Sailor Moon. I didn't want to be here. I didn't want to be here. I'm scared. Everyone, I'm scared! E-Every...! No. No. I couldn't call to them. Even if they were there. Even if they really were still there! I couldn't call to them. I'd destroyed everything. I really had! Chibiusa...! Everyone! I'm so sorry... I'm so, so sorry!
The Cosmos Crystal tried to vibrate, tried to soothe me as I continued to fall even furthur into myself. It's warmth tried to reach for me, to catch me, but I quenched it's radiance. Before I did nothing but rely on its power, my friends' ultimate, last gift... Their very selves... Now I couldn't stand to hear it. I cut it off completely. I'd ruined everything... I'd lost everything! Even if I hadn't betrayed them in taking it, I had betrayed them in letting hatred consume me like that! In giving up! But... There wasn't anything left to fight for. There was nothing left! What was the point? My anger, my hatred... What was the point?
I was crying into Sailor Moon's chest and she was rubbing my back gently, her own arms shaking.
Usagi, I'm sorry..!
She'd lost her future! We'd lost our futures!
I pulled away from her, unable to accept her comfort as I slumped down onto the ground and she forced herself up to look Chaos in the eyes. Those red, glowing eyes through the darkness. I knelt beside Galaxia, staring down at her face, almost peaceful but not quite, her lips were too pressed together, but at least she was unaware of everything around her. I kept my head down, forcing my muscles to be firm, and holding my breath as I squeezed my fingers together. If I didn't look up, if Chaos paid me no attention. I was-
"I am the one who failed to become a star. I am the one who became the ruler of The Cauldron. The dark birth place of Stars..."
"Chaos?"
Chaos...
My eyes were squeezed shut, my breathing in and out unevenly as Usagi listened to her dark voice. Her voice was crushing me, my soul was pressed down in my chest. The Cosmos Crystal's warmth tried to reach for it. I wrapped my arms around myself and I took in a deep breath. The smell of smoke. The smell of dust. The smell of ruin. Of death. Of our endless fight.
"Your sister planets were all born from the same mother lifestream that flows in this place. And it is here they return after death."
The Galaxy Cauldron... The place where stars were born... and meet their end. Where this story always ended. Over and over and over and over and over and over... Forever. The death would never end. Reborn and die. She always came back. It would never end. Unless something changed. Everyone I loved forever would suffer... I had no one left. There was no one left... Being here... Was an illusion. There was no escape from the truth. I was alone.
"The bloodlines of your enemies, your siblings, return here to the center of everything and speak of your name."
"You're in the great legends of the Time Lords even, and in cultures around the galaxy; the universe!"
"My siblings...?" My hands rose to the sides of my head as Sailor Moon's disbelieving voice flittered between us. The Cosmos Crystal was pressing up against the barrier I had put up against it's caring reach. I'd killed them... I'd ruined everything-
"All of them departed from here. To travel across time and space. They were your siblings."
All of them. Rei-chan. Mamo-chan. Mina. Mako-chan. Ami-chan. Haruka-san. Michiru-san. Setsuna-san. Hotaru-chan. Kakyu. The Starlights. Galaxia even. I'd- I'd...
"Those who came from the darkness roamed the galaxy. Searching out your power and light."
They'd all come to me. My light... The Silver Crystal... Their misguided trust. Belief.
"You wiped out your own kind!"
I'd destroyed everything... The Doctor was wrong. He was wrong! Everyone was wrong...! I'm so sor-
"But all of them were just parts of me."
My fingers dug into my hair and my teeth were gritted as tight as possible. Yet again there was the taste of blood. I had to stay here. I was here. She wasn't talking to me. She wasn't even talking about my friends. She was talking about my enemies. The ones I had fought... But... But...
My eyes opened, Galaxia's peaceful expression greeting me. The ones I had fought... My friends... The Galaxy Cauldron was the center of it all. I'd...
"It was your destiny to come to this place. Where there is Light, there is Darkness. Darkness calls out to the Light. The Light calls out to The Darkness. Our destinies are as one. The time has come for The Light and The Dark to unite, to bring an end to it all!"
Where our battle always ended, and restarted...
"The time has come for The Light and The Dark forces to struggle! To fight once more!"
I gasped as her power crackled and a vortex came towards us. It was as if it were instinct. Sailor Moon's arms were reaching out for me and I was reaching out for her. To combine our powers. To protect the other. Even at my lowest of moments, when I felt so alone and had cut myself off from even my own heart, still I reached for her in desperation. One last thing to protect. I had to-
"Sailor Moon. Strongest soldier in the entire galaxy! Give me your power!"
Sailor Moon and I hugged each other tightly as her voice boomed around us...
I had forgotten. I had forgotten how in the beginning, her greatest desire hadn't been for my suffering. I had forgotten that she had once been just like the others. Trying to gain The Silver Crystal. There had once been a time where the battle had been outright. Win or lose. Where the battle had been more than a game for her. That was what it was... All this time... She was always just waiting for me to give up. She loved to see me struggle. She never won, because she never wanted to win. This fight was a bit different. This fight she hadn't learned to love my tears yet. She hadn't learned to watch me cave in on myself farther and farther, more pleasantly surprised each time at how I found more ways to break. Like a black hole. Constantly collapsing in on itself. No end in sight. The immovable object while the unstoppable force laughed.
"AT LONG LAST, MY DEAREST WISH IS COMING TO FRUITION. SOON I WILL BE THE RULER NOT ONLY OF THE CAULDRON, BUT OF THE ENTIRE UNIVERSE!"
I wondered what Chaos would say if I faced her again in my time, if I finally stood before her ready to put an end to it like I should have the first time. When we had both teetered on the edge of destruction, when my anger had consumed me then. Before the procession of scattering lights began anew. She could have ruled the universe a long time ago... If she had just been able to crush me entirely.
She was trying to crush us. She was trying to absorb us, but our lights counteracted her evenly. If I lowered the barrier between the Cosmos Crystal and we could have repelled her even better but... but I couldn't. I couldn't face them. And if I did perhaps Chaos would truly see me for who I was... Who I wasn't... I-
"Why did you save me?!" Both Sailor Moon and I lifted our heads in surprise and we twisted towards the woman under us.
"Galaxia!" Sailor Moon called.
"Finish me off!" Galaxia shouted in rage. "Kill me!" Her eyes closed and she jerked away from us in shame. The Cosmos Crystal was radiating, vibrating and a wave of pain broke through my barrier.
"I can't win after all! She knew from the beginning! I could save nothing!"
I'd destroyed everything... There were tears in my eyes. How could I have forgotten her pain? How could I have let myself try to destroy her? How had I forgotten Usagi so completely?!
"I extended my hand to you because I saw my own loneliness inside of you." Usagi said. She began to place me down and I shrank back sadly. "I don't want to lose any more friends..."
"But I'm your enemy! This is war!" Galaxia shouted. My eyes closed and I lowered my head.
"I can't fight anymore..." My eyes reopened quickly and I looked up. Sailor Moon was on her knees, she had turned away from both of us, something weighty was on her shoulders. Guilt. I blinked in surprise at seeing it, my own guilt resting in my stomach. "I was never just fighting for peace and justice..." She admitted. "I was fighting for the ones I love. For my friends. That's why I came here to battle." The tears in my eyes lingered as my hand rested against the Cosmos Crystal, still reaching out to me, but I just... I couldn't. My barrier was back in place. Even as my fingers gripped it, wanting to reach back, I couldn't... I'd come here. To fight for them too. To fight for Chibiusa. For that future. For... For...
But...
Sailor Moon was lifting her head, staring at the darkness that for the moment wasn't reaching us. Our powers having created a protective bubble in our pain. Her hair was whipping around almost playfully, but her voice was laddened with sorry. Her voice was mine.
"But everything has already disappeared right in front of me." She said, her voice waivering.
Chibiusa...
"If I don't have anything precious to fight for... If there's nobody left... Then what is worth fighting for?" She demanded sorrowfully.
Usagi... No, Usagi, no...
My head lowered a bit again... My eyes were casted into shadow... Her words were seeping into me. I felt heavy. I felt nothing but the weight from her sorrow. From her despair. How stupid I had been...
All this time I hadn't wanted Usagi to become me... but here I was. She was kneeling right in front of me. I was kneeling right in front of me. I looked weighed down and broken. I had nothing left to lose because I had lost everything... Something was shattering inside of me.
"Heh." I didn't look up to Galaxia's voice. "If neither of us can fight, and we're the last Sailor Guardians left... I guess the battle will end..."
My fingers were gripping tightly around the Cosmos Crystal. My throat was closed painfully.
"All I ever wanted.. but like this?" Sailor Moon stated weakly, leaning downwards, closer to Galaxia. "Will the battle really be over?"
"No." I said firmly. Darkly. I heard them turn towards me in surprise. "The battle will never end. It will never be finished..."
I'd promised but... there wasn't a point. It would never end. What was the matter if it all ended here or sometime else. This was the epicenter of it all, was it not? This was the one chance I had to actually end everything. No... Not me.
"You..." I continued. "You're the one who can end this war once and for all! For the benefit of the future. For the future of the whole galaxy!" For every future!
The Cosmos Crystal was reaching out, begging me to stop, but I stayed firm.
"Sailor Moon..."
I looked up, and Sailor Moon could see it. What Rose had. What Luna had. What Galaxia had. My eyes were blazing with determination. The determination to not have my chance be wasted. My mission completed. She had to understand. She had to... She was me. At her lowest of moments with everything lost. I'd failed to save her even here. She had to do it... There was no other way. Before anyone else got hurt.
"With your ultimate power you can eliminate the source of your enemies! You can destroy Chaos! The entire Cauldron. You can end the war. You can end the suffering!"
Her expression was wide, the surprise apparent on her face, in her eyes.
"Chaos? And The Cauldron?" There was a sort of horror to her expression, a disbelief at was coming from me, because it was coming from me. But I was standing tall. Firm in my decision.. "Chibi Chibi?!"
"In order to completely destroy Chaos, you must destroy The Cauldron!" I declared. "There is no other way to end this than to destroy them both!"
"But if the Cauldron disappears... No more stars will be born, and someday the future of the galaxy will end!" Couldn't she understand? She had to understand! There was no future! There was only this. Only The Cauldron! The future was gone! The hope was gone!
"If you don't the history of war and suffering will continue!" I countered. Usagi was staring back at me... Not me in that moment, but still Usagi. "All of that responsibility will rest on your shoulders, Sailor Moon!" I cried. "If you don't do it. You'll regret it, Sailor Moon!"
But she wouldn't be Sailor Moon anymore. She would bear the responsibility and the guilt. She would lose herself. Like I had lost myself. And that was a far greater burden. She could not become me. She had to do what I was always unable to! She had to!
Her expression though... I could hear my name going through her mind, soft and saddened. How could I be the same little girl who had done nothing but comfort her until now? How could I be seeped in so much pain? How could those words be coming out of my mouth? The truth of how broken I was, it was stabbing her heart. How it would shatter it to realize the truth of who I was... That was why it had to be now. Not later. Now... because...
"As long as new stars are born, the war will never end!" I finished, my voice waivering. Chaos would always come back... It would always continue... Sailor Moon... Usagi...
Darkness rose up, calling out, and the Light stood firm to greet it. The never ending cycle. The inmovable light. The unstoppable darkness. How to beat it. The answer to that question... You had to destroy them. Destroy them both!
"There's... There's no other choice..." My voice continued softly, betraying me. My eyes closed to hide my tears.
Would they be reborn? Would they have a future at all? But what did it matter? It didn't... She had to destroy it! We had to destroy it! Not just to save the timelines, my timeline didn't even matter anymore! The one I had wanted to save had been Chibiusa's and she was gone! It was gone! Snapped back. I'd destroyed everything...
The Doctor was going to hate me... If we came out of this... The Doctor... If Rose didn't come back... If I destroyed his hope.. I... Rose, everyone, if she... But she had to. Because.. There already was no hope. There already was no future... Him hating me wasn't important... It wasn't.. It... It just couldn't be helped. None of this could be helped. He had to understand-
His single hand on a large red rose-like crystal preparing to press downward.
My fisted fingers squeezed dangerously as I lowered my chin forcefully, forcing my determination through, my words through my closing throat. It hurt, but-
"There's no other way! This is the only way to bring peace!"
I breathed thinly, breathing in the smoke and ruin as there was silence between us but the bustling, crackling power of Chaos' whirlwind all around us. It was as if we were in a void... A small pretaste of what she would endure if she didn't listen to me. A small pretaste of what would come if she did. It didn't matter. There was no escape. It either all ended or repeated forever... It-
"But... Even if this galaxy is destroyed..." I jolted inwardly and looked up at the sound of Galaxy's somber voice. Sailor Moon was looking back over her shoulder to listen to her as well. "Another Cauldron will always be born, somewhere. Light and Darkness will always continue on, and so will the fight..."
My eyes were widening, my pupils reacting the tiniest bit as her words poured over me... Those words... I'd heard them before. Those very same words. The last time I stood here with her. The opposite of hope was stirring in my chest. The Cosmos Crystal flickered through as Galaxy's hand rose to her lips in surprise.
A small smile was on Sailor Moons face and there was a breathed laugh, as if she were realizing a small mistake on her part, as if she had forgotten something simple and she couldn't believe it.
"Yes." She agreed. "Yes, you're right. And that is the way it should." She lifted her head, her gaze upwards and I watched in continued shock as she shone brilliantly in front of me. "Happiness, Sadness, Life and Death." Her hands were pressed over her chest. "Everything will happen again. They will all be reborn again: The Stars. Our futures." The Cosmos' Crystal's tendrils were wrapped around my soul, trying to pull it upwards, to fill it with warmth. But I couldn't... I... "Everything in the universe!"
Sailor Moon...
Do you believe in a future? Even after all of this? After Chibiusa? After...? But how? How could you? Why couldn't she understand?! Why couldn't she just listen to me?! How could she... How could I have once been so.. so bright...?
The sound of glass shattering jolted both of us and we were turning back towards Galaxia, The Cosmos Crystal was already vibrating in remembrance even as my mind was just realizing what was happening.
"This light... I can't reach it..."
Sailor Moon was reaching out for her, but her hands went through her like air as she started to vanish, but, just like everyone else, Galaxia was crumbling into dust.
"But I believe this light will keep burning brightly for all eternity..."
Usagi hadn't wanted to lose any more friends...
"Galaxia!"
She collapsed crying softly on the ground for a moment. My head lowered sadly, the sound digging into my chest...
Couldn't she see? It never ended. This was all there was. Dust between her fingers. Her heart breaking. That light flickering. This same spot over and over and over... It never ended... Alone forever... The Cosmos Crystal was reaching out for me, but I ignored it. I rejected its warmth. My chest was cold... She should just give up. We should just give up. Let that light finally gone. To put it out of its misery. To finally let it die instead of finding different ways to break it. To stop letting Chaos break it. We should just give-
"Chibi Chibi..." Sailor Moon said, beginning to lift herself up off of the floor, tears streaming down her cheeks. "I won't give up."
I lifted my head the slightest bit in shock, wondering if she had felt my thoughts... If she had felt my despair.
"Everyone always told me that at the end of a battle, there is hope for the future." I blinked and she was holding Galaxia's sapphire brooch gently as a tear landed in the center. She pressed it close against her chest. Against her heart. "I will make a future for everyone." She declared.
Her voice was my voice, but her words were not. How- My eyes were wide with surprise as she looked up, her face broken. So broken and yet still ablaze.
"So don't abandon hope or the future either, okay?" She pleaded. The pain on her face was so obvious, her shattered heart was there for anyone to see, but yet she shone.
The Cosmos' Crystal's warmth was spreading out across my numb chest, embracing me even as I stared ahead and met Sailor Moon's tear-filled gaze.
"I believe..." Sailor Moon continued, a broken smile starting to spread across her face. The Cosmos Crystal was filling me with its power. They were echoing her words back to me, agreeing with her.
"We believe..." They did not want to give up hope. They didn't want me to give up hope.
"So have faith..." Usagi encouraged, her expression was kind and gentle, the crescent moon on her forehead was beginning to glow as the tears lingered. I felt something reacting inside me, surprised but moved, uncertain of what to do, desperate to reach back but unable to. A part of me felt detached even as her warmth spread through me, the tiara on my forehead reflecting her light.
I didn't... I didn't want the future to be gone. I didn't want to give up either. But... But...
".. our light of hope won't be extinguished." Usagi promised. "And as long as our star shines, we'll be alright. As long as we don't give up.. we can't lose."
Their embrace was warm, comforting, a stark contrast to what I myself was feeling. They didn't want to give up either. Knowing all they did. All I had gone through. Had lost. How I had tried everything and still couldn't save them. They didn't want to give up. Though it was Hotaru's voice that reached me, The Cosmos Crystal pulsed as one:
"Please... I believe in you... Usagi..."
They didn't want to give up on me.
My chest constricted and my mouth opened in surprise as I stared ahead... My heart ached... Everyone...
Sailor Moon's smile was unwaivering. She'd lost everything, but...
"I'm not going to give up." Her voice was a smile. Her voice was uplifted by hope. I felt disconnected from myself, but so warm... All of this. All of them. I closed my eyes and let the warmth flood through me, fill me without objection. The light, small and weak inside my chest reached back and they pulled my soul upwards. I could feel them... I could feel their lights as well... All of them together, embracing me...
"Usagi!"
"Okay..." I breathed. My eyes opened and the tears were immediately pouring over onto my cheeks. I felt so full. Too full. There was too much, but it felt too good. I didn't want to give up. I had never wanted to give up!
"I never should have expected that from you to begin with. It's not in your nature."
I... I...
A new tear drifted down my cheek as Sailor Moon's smile widened briefly to show her encouragement, and my shattered heart surge forward to kiss her, a hug unable to express everything I was feeling. Usagi... How happy I was that she was alive. That she could still smile in everything. Surrounded by true chaos and loss...
Maybe I wasn't Usagi... But I wanted to be. I wanted to be Usagi. I wanted to be her. I wanted to take it back. I wanted to take that second chance. I wanted to regain what I had abandoned!
"I don't see you as having abandoned anything at all."
"You're here aren't you?"
A flood of power engulfed me as our powers exchanged. It was a comfortable burn against my skin, hope igniting in my chest as a light eminated from it, I felt strengthened. The sound of wings ruffled loudly as I bloomed, the wisps of white hair dancing across my wet cheeks as I pulled away. A gloved hand rose to her cheek as Sailor Moon stared at me in shock.
"Chibi Chibi?" I let out a breathy, apologetic chuckle as I gave her a small smile in return. The hand on her cheek reached out towards me and I reached back, our fingers intertwining. The Cosmos Crystal was ablaze, our powers flowing between us.
She was right... They were right... I couldn't give up. I wouldn't. I had never fully given up. Even in my despair, I had always continued to fight. Somehow. Someway. Because... I was a Sailor Guardian. I just had to remember that. I just had to remember how to hope. To keep it alive. And I could... The Cosmos Crystal was shimmering, warm within my soul. I wasn't alone. I had never been alone...
And neither was she.
Her eyes were brimming suddenly and I saw the same look in her eyes, the look of someone unwilling to let their mission end in failure. Our hands released each other but not our hearts, she turned away, towards Chaos. Towards her battle. My feet remained firmly in place as I placed my faith in her. In her decision. In my decision.
"Sailor Moon! The Cauldron will be your grave! Witness the birth of the ultimate chaos star!"
"I will trap you! I will trap you within this Cauldron!" I had once thought standing here, for the first time, so long ago.
Sailor Moon was standing at the edge of the ledge, her arms spread out wide as the brooch on her chest gave out a tremendous light. My own vibrated with her longing. She was not thinking the same thing I had... There was no such hatred in her heart, her battle here had been different, her decision, was not actually mine. My chin lifted curiously but trusting...
"I understand, now..." She crossed her arms over her chest and her eyes closed as wings spread out behind her, our warmth lingering together. Her eyes opened and she began to fall, her arms spread out once again. My heart fluttered, a brief moment with the sensation of falling twisting in my stomach.
No matter what, we couldn't give up. We had to keep hoping. We didn't know if saving anything was possible, but our desire to do so was one in our hearts. The Cosmos Crystal vibrated softly.
"We're always here with you!"
"We always fight without hesitation."
"There is always death and rebirth."
The memories were flooding our minds.
"The Crystals... are our one true hope... aren't they?"
Kakyu...
"Our one true hope..." I felt Sailor Moon's soul pulse and my eyes widened in alarm as I felt her calling out. To her friends. To the soldiers sleeping within The Cauldron. To the Crystals. Her call for power. From everyone. "I can't do this alone! Everyone... Please... Somehow... Lend me your strength!"
My mouth was wide in surprise as I felt The Cosmos Crystal reaching.
This call-! No-! Sailor Moon!
My panic was palpable as I took a step forward, but unable to do anything, completely helpless.
This call! This call-!
"The only choice we're both comfortable with? W-what are the others?"
My world was crumbling down around me. She couldn't! Not this! Anything but this! Please!
"SAILOR MOON!" I shouted desperately, my voice strained painfully.
A rush of power surged past me, a quartet of lights swooping down into The Cauldron. The Crystals within my resonated vibrantly, yearning to join them.
No-! No! Please!
"We believe..."
The light in my eyes flickered uncertainly, my teeth still gritted together as my heart raced away, but The Crystals had pulsed through me.
"We believe..."
My stomach was twisting, I didn't... I didn't want this! But... But...
"I believe..." I whispered, my eyes closing. The Crystals shimmered happily, their powers coupling together as if arm and arm. These small hands couldn't do much, but there was one thing. This one thing. My eyes opened as my staff formed and as soon as my fingers grasped it, the scepter illuminated and extended, the heart spliting into wings as the orb reformed on top of it. Back to its origional state just as I was, but just like me not the same at all.
I couldn't offer her my own Crystal... But there was still this.
"SILVER MOON ETERNAL CRYSTAL POWER!"
A single hand rose high above my head. Terrified but trusting. Longing. Wishing. Hoping.
This one thing I could do...
My eyes closed and my heart surged.
"COSMOS..! CRYSTAL..! POWER!"
Author's note: oh my god...
