A/N: "The best of us can find happiness in misery" - Fall Out Boy. Welcome back! The chapter title is in French and literally translates to: I am so far from you. I actually figured that one out by myself since I knew je, suis, and vous hahaha. Yeah, my French isn't the greatest. It doesn't help that they don't offer it as a language at school. So I'm taking Spanish which is close enough.

Also, Si Loin de Vous is a song by Nâdiya of which I don't own.

Oh, and sorry for the lack of enthusiasm in this chapter, I've got a headache and didn't feel like writing so much. Or editing for that matter. And fanfiction lacks having different fonts. I understand why they do it and I'm cool with it because I agree it would be distracting, but when you want to show something that is per se written on a typewriter in a story, they should at least offer Courier. That's all. A tout a l'heure.

Chapter Twenty-Nine: Je Suis Si Loin de Vous

"You're an idiot."

"Look Shar, I don't want to talk about it," Ryan replied bitterly into the phone. "So can we just get over it?"

"You know," she punctuated. "I always stood behind you every time you asked me for it. But this was cruel. Not only to Troy, but to you too. I can't allow it."

"If you don't quit talking about it, I'll hang up on you," Ryan threatened.

"I just don't want you to be miserable," she explained.

"Well, thank you for caring," he said. "But I'm doing fine." Liar. His heart ached. His mind was cluttered. He was even wearing striped pants with patterned socks. Yet somehow he was able to push up a face and combat the consequences by keeping himself preoccupied with back to school paraphernalia. And New York, being the city that it was, had much to offer for him.

On his second day already, he had unpacked, received his schedule for the oncoming year, went out to lunch with Blake from his tap class, shopped for clothes at Barney's, stocked groceries, and registered for a yoga class. He still had a few errands left on his list, but keeping busy seemed to be helping since his attention was focused on what he was doing and not drifting to Troy and what it must be like in Berkeley. Or fantasizing what would've happened if he hadn't broken up with him.

However, there were the few times that broke through his overly preoccupied schedule and stopped him cold. Specifically when Troy texted him. Ryan wasn't sure how Troy could manage to continue talking to him, but he did. The first he heard from him was after he landed in New York, checking his missed messages and calls while being taxied to his loft. The message simply read:

Hope u landed ok! New york will b a blast!

If u c Luca, b sure to flip him off 4 me.

Miss u. Call me?

Ryan wasn't sure how to respond, so he didn't reply or call. He didn't delete the message either, often looking at it during those off chances he wasn't occupied with something. Later, though, in the morning of his second day back to the city, he received another message:

Good morning!

It wasn't as detailed as the first, but it left Ryan breathless nonetheless. It still awed him that Troy was trying to communicate with him. In fact, it almost seemed they were still friends.

When that revelation hit him during his lunch with Blake, he nearly jumped up and left the restaurant. Why hadn't he thought of it before? Sure, he had ended his relationship with Troy but it didn't mean they couldn't be friends. Excited with that prospect, he took his phone out underneath the table and finally texted back. Blake was too caught up telling Ryan about his summer to notice.

Hey

Not even a minute passed before he got his response:

Srry Ry, can't talk. Gtg ttyl, k?

The devastation hit him like a train.

Which was why he was becoming frustrated with Sharpay during their little talk while he was trying on some new shoes at Barney's. He didn't want to talk about Troy or the fact that breaking up with him was one of the worst mistakes in his life (although he couldn't count it as the worst because it made him feel needy). So after they finally began to navigate their conversation away from that topic, it wasn't long before he told her he had to go.

"Yeah Shar, I uh, got to pick up my dry cleaning," he told her and somehow convinced himself that it wasn't exactly a lie. He would eventually pick up the clothes. He just had something he had to do first.

x x x X x x x

Ryan took a breath to try to settle his nerves. However, that tactic did little to cure the butterflies. He felt absolutely humiliated standing where he was, but he knew he needed the closure. And to do it civilly as well.

A billion thoughts crossed his mind, most of them doubts of his actions. As those thoughts grew louder, he knew he had to just do it before he talked himself out of it. He traced the numbers on the door with his mind, a last fidgeting before he dared to knock. 216. Two one six. Two sixteen. Two hundred sixteen. Wow, there were so many ways he could say multi-digit numbers. Focus! His mind commanded and he finally took that step forward.

He knocked. His heart beat wildly in his chest as he waited for a response from the other side. Seconds ticked by as the door finally creaked open.

They both stood there for a moment, digesting the fact that they were face to face for the first time in months. Luca looked a bit different now: his skin darker, his face weary, his heart broken while Ryan seemed more confident and put-together.

"Ry," his name barely left his mouth, standing there in disbelief. Catching himself, he added, "–an." He then stepped forward and embraced him, pulling him close. Ryan didn't deny the action, instead finding himself returning the hug as well.

"It's so good to see you," Luca added before parting from their embrace, gently caressing his cheek.

"Luca, we – we've got to talk," Ryan told him.

He nodded. "Of course," he agreed. "Would you like to come in?" Ryan followed Luca into the apartment he knew so well, the emotions normally associated with the mediocre interior (and with the Italian boy for that matter) completely gone. In fact, all those feelings he thought he still had for Luca were just memories of how he felt. It was a weird realization.

Indeed, things were going to be different as the door clicked shut.