Author's Note: *waves* So, How to Kill Me won first place for Best Lemon. Haha. Ha. Thank you guys :) More information is on my profile. Also, Operation: SWS has so far been a success! I am, however, wondering if anyone wants to do some art (banner/dividers) for my upcoming story "Thanks a Bunch (But I'm Not Getting Married)", which is part of the Happiness!Verse. More information is on my profile (everything is on my profile...) and you can PM me with any questions!

The title is inspired by Lady Gaga's song Americano.

Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha. I do not profit from this story.


How to Kill Me

Chapter Twenty-Nine: Die for How I Care


"I loved you with a fire red, now it's turning blue and you say sorry like the angel Heaven let me think was you, but I'm afraid it's too late to apologize. It's too late."

-Apologize, OneRepublic


It happened so fast I barely had time to think. Inuyasha's golden eyes were focused on me, partly in confusion and horror as he looked around the room. The group of demon slayers were around me, standing up warily as they stared.

This wasn't going to be good.

"Kagome, what the fuck is going on?" Jakotsu shrieked, shakily standing up beside Bankotsu who looked just as pissed. "Who is that?"

I reacted immediately, running at Inuyasha and tackling him into the far corner of the room. I pushed, pushed as hard as I damn well could until he fit snugly against the wall. Inuyasha still remained confused, his hands on my waist and undetermined as to what they wanted to do. He licked his lips, a motion I could only follow with my eyes. I couldn't lean in, no matter how easy it would be.

He betrayed me. He had planned to leave me for dead.

"Kagome," he whispered, and his voice sounded hoarse, like he had been yelling repeatedly.

"I–"

"It's a demon!" I whipped around and halted my own speech, able to see Koharu Irvin running towards Sango. She was a younger female demon slayer that had only been recently changed. She was loud and obnoxious, but Koharu meant well. Right now though, I wanted to strangle her, even if she was untying a shaking Sango who merely stumbled to Miroku's cold body. Bankotsu pulled out his weapon, his friends right behind him after Koharu's little demon announcement.

Gasping I turned around, shielding Inuyasha with my body as best as I could. My gun was in hand, the gleaming silver making every demon slayer in the room stop. So many eyes were focused on me but all I could look at was Bankotsu's Band of Seven, all tensed and ready to attack. They were by far the most dangerous.

"What are you doing Kagome?" Bankotsu demanded, still looking about ready to shred something. "He's a demon."

"Half-demon, actually," Inuyasha added, lightly despite the hostile environment.

Someone from the group laughed, and I could tell what they were all thinking. Half-demons didn't exist. Well, welcome to my life.

"Back off," I ordered, making sure I was pressed up against Inuyasha. His body was warm and solid behind me, his clawed hands on my lower back as if he was about to push me away. "Anyone dares to kill him, I'll shoot you in the face first."

"What are you doing?" another voice shouted, sounding familiar but I couldn't see from the swarm of bodies on the other side of the room. "Kill him!"

Bankotsu frowned, his eyes narrowing. "It's that kid from last time!" he exclaimed, moving sideways to get a better look at Inuyasha. "It's the guy you brought last time we were all at Boomerang's, the one you fucking made out with!"

Oh. Right. That. Desperate times had called for desperate measures when Inuyasha's ears had appeared after a bar fight in the middle of Boomerang's. I kept my gun steady, even while my mind was churning with all the very bad, very terrible problems now arising. This automatically didn't look good. First of all I was protecting and saving a half-demon. Second of all now everyone knew we made out –even if it was for just pretend. Third of all…I was fucked.

"Are you siding with them?" The question came from Suikotsu, another of the Band of Seven. He was the nicest one out of all of them, but right now I could tell there was a vicious danger simmering underneath.

"Them? The demons?" I laughed, shaking my head. "No, I'm not. The demon that was in here before is named Astaroth, the duke of Hell. He's trying to get me to kill another demon."

It was the group's turn to laugh, nervous chuckles and cries of outrage at my answer. Apparently no one believed me. Shocking.

"Get out." I looked down to see Sango, hovering over Miroku's motionless body with shaking hands. She was looking at her lover but the statement was definitely not directed that way. When the black-haired woman looked up to see all of the demon slayers remaining, she clenched her fists. "I said to fucking get out!"

"But the demon!" Koharu started, taking a step towards Sango at the table. "Something's clearly wrong with Kagome–"

Sango snapped, her back straightening out as she turned on her heels towards the young demon slayer. "What part of 'fucking get out' don't you understand?" she hissed, more pissed off than I had ever seen her. "If I had to choose between any of you and Kagome, it's her because she's the only one who can save Miroku. Now get out!"

Most started to back off, a few bolting out of there. I lowered my gun, feeling Inuyasha relax behind me. But the worst wasn't over just yet.

"I can't," Bankotsu muttered, breaking through the room that was otherwise stuck in stunned silence. "Kagome, you need to talk to me and tell me what's going on. I can help you get out of this."

"You want me to explain it to you?" I shook my head. "Fine. The long story short is that I'm Heaven's Chosen One to destroy an evil half-demon named Naraku, who was originally human but performed a ritual to engulf demons and thus, become one. I have an angel named Midoriko who is rarely helpful, and a duke of Hell named Astaroth who thinks I'm the best thing since torture. Everyone wants me to kill Naraku with my special powers."

The few slayers that remained in the room froze. "What?"

"I'm fighting Heaven's battle, with Hell on the side," I explained further. It didn't sound any better – actually it sounded a hell of a lot worse – but there was nothing I could do. They wouldn't understand it anyways.

The click of steel had me whipping around, only to be thrown to the side. Inuyasha's body was on top of me, a growl ripping out of his throat as another bullet just barely missed us. He jumped up, emphasizing his strength as he leapt from the side wall to Bankotsu, smashing him into the wall.

"Dammit Inuyasha, put him down!" I yelled, watching in horror as Inuyasha was surrounded by demon slayers, all of them pulling out there weapons – guns, knives, and worse. This could only go downhill and there was no way I could stop them, no way right now that I could save Inuyasha with a crumpled Sango on the floor, a barely living Miroku and a half-demon that didn't know where the fuck he really was or how he got there. I was stuck in the middle of a clusterfuck of nonsense and soon, Inuyasha was going to die because of what Astaroth did.

The fucking bastard obviously didn't think that through. If I need Inuyasha to survive a battle with Naraku, then this was a sure-fire way to have him die and me along with him.

Inuyasha slammed Bankotsu's wrist into the wall, disarming the gun. He went to move but Bankotsu grabbed his chest, flipping him over and clenching his hand. He was trying to purify Inuyasha.

"No!" I screamed, scrambling to get over there. "No Bankotsu, STOP!" I couldn't breathe, not with the way my heart was beating so fast. Everything felt like it was tilted, like the world was flipping upside down and I was left with pieces falling everywhere. My chest hurt, my eyes burned, and I stood up with an effort greater than I ever knew. Panting, I let out a scream, a warning, to tell Inuyasha to get out, to stop Bankotsu from purifying my half-demon.

My fucking half-demon.

The room halted, the world stopped turning as I could see the demon slayer hesitate. His eyes widened, hand lifting off of Inuyasha's ratty shirt. He couldn't purify him, it didn't work. Bankotsu looked at me, and the horrified expression on his face made everyone else look too.

"Kagome?"

I took a deep breath, raising my arm towards the demon slayers, ignoring Sango's strangled whisper. "Let him go."

The group of slayers backed off right away, Koharu staring at me defiantly as she did so while the Band of Seven waited the longest. Bankotsu stood up, still hovering right over Inuyasha with an expression akin to trepidation. "Kagome, what's going on with you? How are you doing that?"

I didn't know what he was talking about; I couldn't concern myself with it. Breathing was still hard, my body was still shaking. It was like being on the most powerful drug, reaching the highest peak where I was limitless, invincible, but entirely unstable. "Inuyasha," I breathed, barely a whisper.

Inuyasha's ears twitched in my direction, the fuzzy triangles facing me before he slowly rolled and got to his knees. Even he looked worried, like I was about to bring out fire and brimstone. "I'm right here," he said gently, reaching his hand out even though he was on the other side of the room. "I'm coming, see?" He went to stand up.

And then I saw it, the gun poking from amidst the crowd, aimed at Inuyasha with deadly accuracy. The sneeze of the bullet flying through the silencer had me acting, straightening my arm and feeling my body lash out violently. It was like electricity – like a bolt of energy, raw and powerful – drawing from me. It shot out my hand, a burst of pink light shattering the bullet mere inches from the half-demon's head. I whipped around, staring at the crowd. Koharu was nowhere to be found.

"Where the fuck is she?" I demanded, stepping forward, feeling the rush, the adrenaline, the power. "Where did she go?"

"Stop Kagome, what are you doing?" Sango screamed, crying. "You're glowing, what's going on?"

Glowing? I didn't know what she was talking about. All I could feel was the thrum of energy, my pulse beating wildly in my veins, blood pumping like an unstoppable force. Inuyasha stood up and jumped, landing directly in front of me. His hands grabbed my wrists, his body pressing me backwards until I was stumbling back into the wall, blinking up at him.

"You need to relax," Inuyasha urged, his voice rough but insistent. "Stop it or you're going to hurt someone."

I watched his golden eyes, the flickers of amber that danced like shadows. I took a deep breath, feeling my body slowly drain of energy as I exhaled. I did it again, my eyes starting to close. "I don't–"

"Stop, just breathe," Inuyasha whispered, softly, gently. "Don't think, just do. I know that's difficult for you."

I blinked, my eyes feeling heavier and heavier.

"When I say to get out, I mean getting fucking out!" Sango yelled. I couldn't see her, only hear her voice that held a slight tremble.

"Kagome, relax now, it's okay," he kept saying, low and sweet.

"No, I have to…" I breathed in, too tired to finish the sentence, too drained. I felt myself slip down, being caught by strong arms and a warm chest. "I…"

"Sleep Kagome," Inuyasha murmured.

I let out another breath.


It came to me like a dream, a memory so hazy it didn't seem real. I knew it was though. It was so messed up it could only be real.

I opened my eyes, feeling like I had been sleeping for years. My body was yet again stiff and sore, and instantly I could relate it to the morning after Astaroth dropped me off at the inn in Canada. I had used my powers again – my powers, which were acting out in ways I had never experienced. It was so strong, so compelling.

Why was this happening all of a sudden? Why now, after I had already met Naraku and failed?

"Oh thank god," a pained voice whispered. Turning my head I saw Sango at the doorway, looking at me with big magenta eyes. Her skin was ashen, like she was sick and pushing her limits. Slowly she made her way to my bedside, grabbing my hand to stop me from moving. She smiled, tightly and with strain. "I was so worried for you," she said quietly.

"Sorry," I replied, clearing my throat when it came out all scratchy. "How long–?"

"A day. Inuyasha's been going out of his mind." Sango's lips tightened again. "You have a lot of explaining to do. Why wasn't he with you in the first place?"

"Uh," I mumbled, trying to figure out what to say. I fell in love with him. He betrayed me and planned on killing me? Oh, and you were right, I shouldn't have trusted him. You can say 'I told you so' now. "We haven't been together for two weeks."

Sango frowned. "Why not? What happened? Last time I saw you two everything seemed really…good."

None of this made sense. Maybe it was because of my foggy mind, or the fact that I had slept for twenty-four hours, but something wasn't clicking. "But you've been calling me ever since. I thought you knew. I got like…three texts, five calls and two voicemails per day."

Running a hand through her black hair, Sango stood up, looking far more alarmed then I wanted her to. "I did no such thing. Miroku didn't either."

I opened my mouth to argue, because I could show her my phone, I had proof. But why would Sango lie to me like that? And to be honest, how would she have even known in the beginning? Unless Inuyasha told her, and that would be stupid on his part. So how did Sango and Miroku come across the information that we split apart? Snapping my mouth closed, I realized the biggest mistake of them all.

Astaroth.

Sighing, I closed my eyes. "Inuyasha and I…had a fight. It was bad. Astaroth, the duke of Hell that I mentioned before, wasn't happy about it. Originally Inuyasha and I were to kill a man named Onigumo, only now he's transformed into this sort of half-demon named Naraku. He's trying to become a full demon using the power of the Shikon no Tama. Astaroth the demon and Midoriko the angel want me to get it from him, since I'm the only one that can touch the jewel." I took a breath, processing. "It's why the duke of Hell came here, and why he attacked you guys. I refused to help anymore since Inuyasha and I fought so… He tried to get me through other means."

I couldn't look at her. She was my best friend, and I had just put her at jeopardy for saying no. My selfishness and self-pity drove the demon to attack the only two people I really had left in this world. If I could go back and change it, I'd do it in a heartbeat.

"Kagome, stop it. I can see the gear turning in your head." Sango laughed a little, sitting back down and poking my face non-too-gently. "Don't…beat yourself up for what a demon did."

"It's still my fault," I murmured, clenching my jaw and finally looking at Sango. "I could've prevented it. How is Miroku?"

Sango shook her head but let the conversation drop. "He's fine I think. I'm not really sure but Inuyasha said he was recovering. It was something about a spell; it wears off. Astaroth left and it lifted, but Miroku's going to be bedridden for a few days. He's awake and lying in the living room. Inuyasha had to carry him the entire way."

I clenched my jaw, trying hard not to worry Sango further. It's not like she really knew. Astaroth had been playing mind games all along, so both Miroku and Sango both thought that things between Inuyasha and I were…amicable. They didn't even know the whole truth – the whole we-got-together truth. But they wouldn't find that out, not yet. All they had to know at the moment was the basic fact that he betrayed me. I knew that I kept saying the same thing over and over but it didn't matter.

Betrayal was betrayal. He had planned on using me and then killing me. It's not like Inuyasha planned on something as small as breaking up with me – it was killing me. There's a huge difference. I'm not over-reacting. I'm not taking things too far. It was him. It was his fault, this entire fucked up time. Inuyasha can cry boo-hoo and claim that now he actually cares, but it doesn't mean anything. He didn't tell me. He didn't explain things to me until it was far too late to make a difference.

"Kagome, what's wrong?" Sango asked, her voice quiet. "Was the fight really that bad?"

Of course Sango got what I was thinking, she was my best friend. Her dark eyes were trying to search mine but I looked away, sitting up on the bed and pushing the duvet cover off of me. "Bad enough that he shouldn't be here."

I could tell how confused she was. I never told her anything that was going on. From the first moment that Sango met Inuyasha, I was defending the half-demon with my life. Now I wanted to kick him out, after saving his life again.

I was mad. I was hurt.

It didn't mean I wanted him dead.

It was irrational, because if push came to shove I'd have to do what I had to do. Then again, if it did come down to that, could I?

"What did he do?"

There was nothing I wanted to talk about less, so I shrugged. "He had…plans that involved me dead. So it didn't go over well, as you can imagine." Standing up, I realized I was only wearing my shirt and underwear. Grabbing my pants from the edge of the bed, I raised a brow at Sango.

"I thought you'd be more comfortable," Sango answered, and I relaxed that it was her and not… Well him. "So I don't really understand. Inuyasha–" I flashed her a look that clearly stated I didn't want to explain further, so Sango raised her hands in mock defence. "Look, whatever, but Inuyasha has been nothing but worried for you. I don't know exactly what happened and what you're telling me sounds…"

"Off?" I laughed, the bitter sensation making my stomach churn. "Yeah, I can see how you picked that up. Inuyasha's sorry, but I can't…" I stopped, bit my lip and rethought my words. "I won't let him back. There's so little I have to believe in. He was one of those things and in the end it turned out he was a bigger lie than the rest of my messed up life. Now, what happened with the other slayers? Did they leave?"

Sango nodded, letting the conversation switch over despite the gleam of curiosity in her eyes. "Miroku and I are going to have to shut down. After you protected a demon and I protected you… Well it doesn't look good. I'm surprised no one's tried to blow us up yet."

"Do you think they will?" I asked, running my hands through my hair.

Shrugging, Sango leaned against the doorway while I finished getting ready. "I don't think so, not after what they saw. Most of them are scared."

I paused, frowning. Were they scared that we were demon worshippers, because if that was the case, they'd surely destroy the place. Astaroth only had them contained for threat of death, and the demise of Sango and Miroku. He wasn't even here anymore. "What the hell scared them?"

"You." Sango stared at me, hard and unflinching. "You glowed pink Kagome, protecting a half-demon. You shot out a ball of energy that shattered a bullet without blinking an eye. No one's seen that before. Hell, I haven't seen that before." She crossed her arms, and I could tell from the way she shifted her stance that she was preparing to defend herself. "I know it's been a while, and obviously a lot has gone on but… You need to talk."

I nodded, ignoring the wave of unease. "Later tonight, please? I have to deal with Inuyasha first."

"And since you brought that up, that was the other thing."

"The other thing for what?" I asked. There seemed to be too much that was out of my grasp, and it wasn't comforting. Not with everything that was going on.

"Bankotsu tried to purify Inuyasha, but he couldn't," Sango explained. "Which is fine, I think I get that it's because he's a half-demon, right? Well that freaked them out more, especially when you started to go terminator on their asses."

"I'm the only one that can purify him I think," I murmured, nodding at her to leave. "It's something about being Chosen, I don't know. I'll…think about it and try to explain later." There would be way too much to explain.

Sango took this in stride, following me out of the bedroom and down the hallway. I walked towards the kitchen, when my friend shook her head and dragged me to the living room. There was the background noise of a television on and when I stepped into the doorway instantly Inuyasha was looking at me, golden eyes wide.

The half-demon stood up, taking one step before stopping and putting his clawed hands in his jean pockets. "You're awake," he said, quietly.

"Just now," I replied, looking over to the couch where Miroku was twisting rather oddly to catch sight of me. His blue eyes seemed tired but there was a smile on his face. "How are you feeling?"

"Like I woke out of a coma," Miroku said, his smile growing wider. "Not that I actually know what that feels like, but I can guess."

"I'm glad you're okay." Smiling at him, I lingered before turning my attention to Inuyasha, who stood there tense. I gestured with my head out of the room, making sure that my expression didn't give anything way. Not the fact that I was torn – happy and sad and angry and relieved. The stupid son of a bitch left things far too complicated in my mind, and there was only one way to push it out, to let it stay on the back burner to fry. "Come on."

Inuyasha didn't look pleased, his golden eyes shifting from me to Sango, but I knew my best friend wouldn't give anything away either. She would pick my side no matter what happened, even if I was wrong. She didn't have all the details yet, so Sango merely went over to Miroku's side, putting her hand on his shoulder. The half-demon sighed and followed me, a determined gleam in his eyes.

I had to ignore that too.

We walked back down the hallway, stepping into a clean room that hadn't been used in a while. I stopped short when Inuyasha shut the door behind us, making me realize that entering a bedroom probably wasn't the best decision I had ever made. I just loved to make things harder on myself. Clenching my jaw, I took a moment to relax, to not snap at Inuyasha like I wanted to. I had to do something because this…this feeling I got every time he was near could undoubtedly break me and I wouldn't let that happen.

"How do you feel?" Inuyasha asked, his voice rough and soft and far too familiar for my liking.

I turned to face him, forcing myself to look into his eyes. If I was going to do this, I had to do it the only way that would get through to him. "I'm fine, and I appreciate that you stayed to help Sango but you have to leave."

Inuyasha smirked, leaning against the doorway and crossing his arms. If I didn't know better, I'd say he was acting cocky. The problem was I did, and I could see through the cracks, see the barely-there calm that he had to force himself to keep in place. "Right, it's not like I didn't see that coming." He chuckled, so bitterly it felt like a physical blow. "I guess it still doesn't matter what I told you, or the fact that I saved you–"

"I didn't ask you to save me," I interrupted harshly, making my voice as hard as steel, my eyes as cold as possible. It didn't matter that my heartbeat was erratic, that my chest was so tight it felt like I couldn't breathe. My eyes burned with tears I refused to show, so I turned to the side, staring at the wall. "I didn't ask you to follow me, like you have been doing."

"Do you know how fucking dead you'd be if I hadn't been there?" Inuyasha yelled, finally breaking his cool. "Everyone knows, all the demons know that you're broken down and vulnerable. I saved your drunk ass far too many times for comfort. I don't think I can leave you on your own, not when you're acting like a spoiled child that couldn't get exactly what she wanted–"

"And what did I want?" I screamed, whipping my arms out. "What could I possibly want that I could get from you?" It hurt to say and the lie was obvious. Inuyasha knew and I knew. But I couldn't stop now, couldn't let myself break down and let in the one guy that could ruin me for good. "It's not like I gave you everything, told you all my secrets or anything! It's not like I allowed you to get closer than any other person! And what did you give me for all my wanting? You gave me a fucking death sentence." The words sounded ominous in the bedroom, the two of us standing off from opposite ends.

"I told you that was the plan before Kagome," Inuyasha insisted. He opened his mouth to say more, slamming it shut moments after.

"Convenient that you didn't tell me until after the fact," I snarled. "What, did you want to keep your options open, just in case you changed your mind?"

"That's not it."

"Then what was Inuyasha?" I screamed. My throat hurt, it felt like it was closing with every word I let out. "What was your reason for not telling me?"

Inuyasha waved his hands around, his mouth open like he was about to spew something just as equally harsh when…nothing came out. He stood there, animated beyond control but unable to tell me whatever truth he had to give. When he finally gave up, Inuyasha stopped. His clawed hand covered his face, head tilted down so that the silver roots of his hair could show.

"If you don't know then how can I?" I whispered. It was even more painful than I could have imagined, having this discussion or fight or whatever this was. Inuyasha not knowing was like a blow to the chest that left my ribs broken, my lungs punctured and my heart bleeding out. "I need you to leave."

Inuyasha didn't say anything. The seconds ticked by like minutes and all I could hear was my heart beating away in my chest, a pounding in my head that seemed engrained. Finally he lifted his head, face carefully blank. "Why did Astaroth bring me then?"

"What?" Out of everything that he could've asked or demanded from me, I wasn't expecting that.

"Why did Astaroth snap me into the room?" he asked again. "There has to be a reason for it, the duke of Hell wouldn't have wasted the time or energy if there hadn't. And I saw Aamon; he was there for a split second before they disappeared. What did Astaroth see that needed me there?"

"Without him, she's dead."

Astaroth raised an eyebrow, curiosity in his expression. "All of them?"

"Every single one where the half-demon isn't in the picture, she dies."

I kept my eyes trained on him, no matter how much I wanted to look away. It took all of my skill as a sort of actor to do this, to keep a straight face and answer. "I don't know."

Inuyasha smirked crookedly. "Bullshit."

"I don't know," I hissed, crossing my arms and standing straighter. "You want to know, you go ask him. Just leave me the fuck alone."

Nodding tightly, Inuyasha turned around. He grabbed the doorknob, twisting it in his hand before pausing. "I can't always be there to save you," he whispered softly.

"I don't want you to," I replied, just as quietly.

When the half-demon left the room, the door slamming in his wake, I ran to the door and pressed my forehead to the old wood. He had been right here, right here.

I told him to go. I had to make him leave.

I couldn't let him hurt me anymore than he already had.

Slowly I turned and sank down to the floor, curling my knees to my chest and burying my face in the warmth of old cotton and the embrace of my own arms. I let the seconds tick by, the minutes pass away before I finally, finally let the tears fall.


Comments to Acknowledge:

Gamehead64: True. I think? Haha. Thank you!

NurNur: The chapter titles are fun sometimes :) This one was based on a song, that has nothing to do with the story, but that one line worked! I hope you enjoyed this love!

Wolfy the Snowy Wolf: Yup. Right here!


I cried writing this, if that helps you any. This story has me heavily invested.

Feedback is love :)