Author's Note: God, what an episode - ie The Doctor in the Photo. Phew . . . angst and heartbreak and sorry but WTF Booth? Seriously need to slap you right now. So I give you more happy, because in my world I'm busy putting things right . . . sure hope at some point HH does the same.
Chapter Twenty Eight: The rest of your life.
Berkley Castle, England
December 2010
They don't come up for air for a while. Dueling for control it seems they both let the angst, and the sadness, and the pain of the last year fuel a heated battle to prove to the other one that they're both sorry, so, so, sorry for everything that they've permitted to happen between them.
Their kiss is passionate, and tinged with desperation as if neither of them can quite believe it's actually real.
Finally they break apart, lungs heaving and emotions running high.
"Bones . . ." Booth breathes his name for her. He looks down into her eyes, scans them with his gaze, searching out her feelings. What he sees must reassure him as he gathers her close, burying his face in her hair.
Brennan for her part clings to him as he simply holds her. Trying frantically to sort through the myriad feelings pouring through her she finally just gives herself up to the moment, to the sensation of his body against hers, strong, hard muscles holding her tightly. It feels like she's waited forever, all her life for this moment, right now, when she feels connected to life, to the rest of humanity, a part of it. All her life it seems she's held herself back, an observer, rarely a participant; for many years she's prided herself on this part of her nature, that it allows her the freedom to always be objective. She's feared losing it, not seeing that there could a separation of her personal and professional sides, a separation she can see now is possible. For she is not capable of being objective about Booth, and what he is and all he means to her.
But she is capable of being herself, her professional scientist self, and still being a woman in love with a man who despite his faults will forever be the perfect man in her eyes.
The man she wants, for tonight, tomorrow night, every night, always.
Booth is still hers . . . and she thinks that this simple thought, that this man is mine, wants to be mine, this simple fact makes all of life extraordinary, makes everything she wants of life possible once more.
Fleetingly she thinks of Hannah Burley, feels a sense of empathy, she lost him herself, has been living with that loss since she came home from Maluku and was forced into a reality where she couldn't claim him as hers. It's been awful, she wouldn't wish those feelings on anyone, hopes Hannah is alright. And on the heels of this knows they need to talk this out properly, even though she knows they are okay, or will be okay, all the hurt must be aired, if they are to heal. Inwardly smiling she realizes that her thoughts are coming to her in Dr. Sweet's voice. She thinks Sweets would be proud.
Gently she pulls back from Booth's iron grip on her, she can feel the momentary tension in his frame as he reluctantly let's her go. Smiling up at him, she reaches for his face, caresses the side of it with her hand, then looking around the conservatory she spies an old wooden bench placed in front of the windows; she grabs Booth's hand and tugs him toward it.
"Sit." She tells him, before she detangles her hand from his and stands in front of him, she smiles at him again, self-deprecatingly and then she paces, trying to find the words in her vast vocabulary to be as honest with him as he's been with her.
Eventually the words come.
"I love you." She begins. Knowing that more than anything else, these are the three words he needs to hear her speak at this moment – he knows of course that she does, but it is still important to say it.
"I know now that I've always loved you Booth, even when I didn't believe 'love' was real, when I labeled it blood chemistry and deemed it meaningless in so many ways, even then, somewhere inside, love for you lived."
Booth's face breaks into a traffic-stopping smile, but he says nothing.
"I regret more than I could ever explain that I refused to take a chance when you asked it of me. Regret is pointless, useless, but I regret those words I spoke more than any other I've ever uttered. Believe me when I tell you that I had no concept of what those words would cost us both. I wanted you, I wanted to be with you, but in that moment when what I wanted was offered to me, when it was right there for the taking, I panicked. What we already had was everything to me, to risk it for more and thus risk losing it; it was in that moment a risk I didn't know how to take. In Maluku, away from you, all I wanted was to be back home again, back being your partner and what you'd told me, about you moving on, I didn't think about that at all, it was like I hadn't heard you say it. When we both came home and everything was different because you had Hannah, it was only then that I truly saw what I'd done. How big a mistake I'd made. These last few months, I've tried so hard to be happy for you, some days I succeeded in convincing myself I was, but the truth is these last few months have been incredibly painful for me Booth. To see you all the time with her, to believe I'd lost you, I blamed myself, I held myself responsible for my own pain, but I blamed you too Booth, I did. I blamed you for bailing on me, for being like everyone else."
Booth's smile turns into an expression of pain. "I should have fought harder; you have every right to blame me for that Bones."
Brennan nods. "You've always understood me Booth, always seemed to know me better than I know myself. I wish you hadn't picked that night outside the Hoover building to stop, but I understand what happened better now, and in the end here we stand."
"You'll forgive me?" She's surprised, but she hears the question in his voice, this is a question for him, this is not a statement.
"I love you . . . unconditionally Booth."
The traffic-stopping smile returns, even wider, brighter, his dark eyes glow with an emotion so intense it's almost blinding to look at it.
"As I love you; I swear to you I'll never give you cause to doubt it again." He replies.
Brennan takes a deep, cleansing breath allows a moment for the sincerity she can hear behind his words to sink into her soul. "This trip of mine to England, I didn't really plan it, I guess you would tell me I was acting on my gut, but the opportunity arose and a break from seeing you with her was suddenly all I could think about. This trip was about me Booth, I need you to understand that I was not trying to force you into anything, I wasn't asking anything of you, I just needed to be somewhere new, somewhere I knew nobody and therefore no-one would be asking anything of me. And this trip Booth, it's been so remarkable, I have so much to tell you about this place and how much it's come to mean to me."
She notices a suddenly sheepish look cross his face fleetingly; knowing him so well the reason is obvious.
"You know . . . don't you . . . about Sebastian and Therese? How?" She asks.
Booth is about to explain when Brennan answers her own question.
"Angela!" She says with something akin to disgust coloring her words. "Angela told you about them didn't she?"
Booth grabs her hand to stop her mid pace. "Angela did only what she thought was best Bones. She loves you; she's been worrying about you. She told me about them and then she told me that you wouldn't be sharing your discovery with me, when you said nothing to me, she told me that was because sharing their love story with me was too painful in light of their incredible resemblance to the two of us. To tell me about that likeness you had to explain who they were, explain their relationship, their history, Ang said you couldn't do that because my relationship with Hannah stood in the way. How could we discuss their forever kind of love without seeing the damage we'd done to our own relationship?"
Brennan nods miserably. "Looking at them, learning about who they were, how they lived, the life they shared. I looked at them and saw all I wanted for myself, all I feared I would never have now. Their path to each other wasn't easy Booth, there were obstacles in their way, but what made it impossible to talk to you about them was Bastian himself. Bastian who never once waivered in his pursuit of Therese, who when she abandoned him, committed his life to finding her once again. He turned his back on his family obligation to marry and produce an heir, something inconceivable considering his position in society back then. He followed his heart and remained faithful to his goal and it was this dogged determination, this devotion in the face of adversity that finally convinced Therese to marry him. How could I tell you about that . . . " Her voice breaks, Booth continues for her.
"When I'd done the opposite and quit on you when you needed me to have faith enough for the both of us."
Brennan nods, a single tear escaping her right eye and making it's way painfully slowly down her cheek. The sight of it, of all her pain encompassed in a single tiny teardrop, undoes him. Booth bolts up from the bench and pulls her into his arms again by the hand he'd been holding. He hugs her hard, wrapping his arms solidly around her and pulling her head against the wall of his chest, the feel of her so incredibly familiar, so right in his arms. Holding her has always brought with it that sense of rightness, of completion, a feeling that has never been there with any other woman, no matter his physical attraction to them. He didn't realize until this moment how much he's missed it, this perfect sense of belonging that Bones brings him.
Booth wonders if there was ever a bigger fool than he's been.
He talks to her over her head, refusing to let her go of her even to see into her face.
"I get now why you didn't tell me about them. I was hurt that you didn't share Bones, I kept trying to understand why you hadn't said anything . . . I can see so clearly now that I should have figured it out. I'm not here because anyone pressured me Bones, I didn't come after you because Hannah left me or anything. Ang did tell me about them and she did tell me why you wouldn't share gotta say she nailed it apparently with that freaky intuition of hers. I did go to see Avalon, because Ang told Avalon about our regency doppelgangers', and Avalon shook me up with what she told me, that I'd screwed up both our futures and she demanded to know what the hell I'd done."
Brennan manages a soft laugh, that he feels break from her rather than hears, her head is still down and buried against his chest. When she says nothing, he continues on.
"Let me tell you that she was not impressed when I said I'd just given you what you wanted, she tore me a new one. Then Cam and Angela called me over to the Jeffersonian one afternoon and staged an 'intervention', they sat me down and forced me to look, really look hard at what I'd been doing, forced me to answer – to myself – some key questions, and when I did, the answer to everything was you Bones. You were still what I wanted; you were still the one I loved. I wasn't over you, I'd never be over you, and I couldn't be just your friend, I certainly couldn't continue to be in a romantic relationship with someone else, that wasn't fair to anyone, most especially Hannah. And when I broke it off with Hannah she knew it too, like everyone else always does she'd seen and realized what we are Bones, what we have, and she wished us happy Bones . . . she wished you happy."
At this Brennan raises her head, her eyes are watery but Booth is relieved to see no more tears have escaped, watching her cry kills him every time.
"Is Hannah okay Booth?" She asks quietly.
Booth smiles gently. "Yeah, she's okay Bones, I hurt her obviously, but that's my responsibility, not yours, okay?"
Brennan nods, what's done is done, and the rest of her life is still waiting.
"All that matters is the future Bones, our future and what we want to do with it. I'm here because I still want to take that chance Bones, on us, on all that's between us. I want that chance so badly, to explore all we can be together, all we could have. So I'm asking you again Temperance Brennan . . . will you take a chance on this . . . on us?"
Easy question she thinks, and he knows the answer surely?
"Yes. I will Booth, of course I will. I want it just as badly as you do; my commitment is just as strong."
Booth lowers his mouth as Brennan stretches up. This kiss is completely different from the first. This kiss has none of the desperation, none of the angst, none of the pain. It's slow and deep and thorough. A communion of the commitment made between them. This kiss is all about the love they feel for each other, about the power of it, the unshakable reality of it. This kiss grounds them, binds them, and frees them from the events of the past year. It's a beginning and yet it's merely a continuation of what has always existed between them from the first day they met. It fills them both with a simple acknowledgement, that each feels bone deep, that their love is as Sebastian and Therese's . . . the forever kind.
When it ends they are both smiling, silly, almost giddy grins wreath both their faces.
"We should get back to the Ball now don't you think?" Brennan asks him.
Booth inclines his head in agreement. "Will you dance with me again my lady?"
Brennan takes his arm, and pulls him back towards the door to the conservatory; she opens it and pulls him through.
Reaching the dance floor she see's another waltz is in progress and so she curtsy's to Booth, then straightens and waits for him to pull her into his arms, he does so immediately and then he whirls them both back into the fray.
From the far side of the ballroom, Richard Berkley watches them reappear from the conservatory and seeing them both look like a great weight has been removed from their shoulders he smiles both inwardly and outwardly. The Earl turns to look up at the bust of his ancestor Sebastian in the stone alcove behind him and raising his glass to Bastian he says conversationally, "Looks like you found her again old chap . . . I wish you both as happy this time as last."
