"Good evening everybody and welcome to Whose Line is it Anyway? The show where everything's made up and the points don't matter!" The curtains opened up and Kaoru was standing on a stairway that led to no where. "Just kidding," Kaoru laughed loudly. "Welcome to another episode of Kaoru's Toyland!"
Kaoru sat on the bottom step of her stairwell and leaned back on her elbows, crossing her ankles. "Sorry, guys I'm not going to be moving around much. I am exhausted and quite full." She patted her stomach with a far off look in her eyes and only snapped back to attention when Cream loudly cleared her throat. "Right right, okay. This week in Kaoru's Toyland we are going to be selling something that will satisfy your taste buds!
"This week at Kaoru's Toyland we will be selling two complementary items for the price of one. That's two items for the price of 32094290 63" HD televisions!' Kaoru smiled happily into the camera.
"But Kaoru," Cream was suddenly standing next to her and reading off of an index card, "what can possibly be that great that?"
"That's a very good question, faceless customer I don't even know, and the answer is simple. For a limited time only I am going to be selling the Limited Edition: Eggman Diet!"
Kaoru waited several seconds staring expectantly into the camera, waiting for the information to sink in. "Of course, this isn't something you can actually "buy" in our stores," she said using finger quotations. "You actually get all of this food in the mail, and it will make you round just like Sir Eggbutt. Which is perfect if you plan to play a mall Santa, a Disney Vilain, a plumber, an American, or an Eggman!"
"But Kaoru," Cream read again, "I don't want to eat that disgusting lard that Eggman eats. Will the food actually taste good?"
"That's another good question faceless customer! And that is precisely why this product isn't Eggman approved! We actually wanted to give out good tasting food! All of the food that will be sent to you for the Eggman Diet will be handmade by Vanilla the rabbit!"
"Wait what?" Cream asked shocked. "Kaoru, did you ask my mother's permission before you wrote this script?"
"It's better to beg forgivenss than to ask permission," Kaoru quoted. "I'm sure she won't mind, she loves to cook."
"Oh Kaoru," Cream whined.
"Tired of waiting two, three, even four weeks to recieve your lunch in the mail? No worries! To go with our diet, we are also selling the Vanilla Cookbook!"
"What!" Cream's eyes widened. "Kaoru, did you..."
"This cookbook is filled with delicious recipes such as apple pie, mac and cheese, cookies, cake, lemon bars, brownies, fudge, cupcakes, and waffles. However, this cookbook has no recipes that use meat and for some reason this fact is causing my cookbook to sell very poorly in a country called America on Earth, particularly a place called Texas, but I have no way of fixing that now."
"Kaoru," Cream sighed, reading from her note card, "how can you prove the deliciousness of your product?"
"That's incredibly easy. Every Saturday Kaoru's Toyland will be giving away free samples with every toy purchase!"
"Kaoru, I want to look exactly like Doctor Eggman, does your diet garuntee that?"
"Of course it does! If you buy our diet then you will develope the same eggrolls as Dr. Fatman...OH! I mean fatrolls as Dr. Eggman." Kaoru giggled, emabarrassed, "I'll never be able to look at eggrolls the same way again...Like I was saying, you will be able to do Eggmany things like...I don't know...Spend your Saturdays pretending to be Humpty Dumpty."
Cream snorted as she tried to hold in laughter and Kaoru looked pleased that she enjoyed her joke. "On that note, let's move on to videos of some of our satisfied customers.
"Hello Doll, I am absolutely in love love love with this product," said some girl that sounded like a redneck. "Pretty soon I'll be able to join the circus as the fattest woman alive!" The camera-man panned the camera downward as the girl patted her stomach. She looked as if she would be able to fit an extra small.
"Dude, like, you have no idea. This is, like, the best chocolate I have, like, ever eaten in, like, my whole life," a teenage girl full of pep was all said as she clutched a fudge pie in her hand.
"I'm starting to think I can't take all of this rich food. My belly is really starting to ache and I'm getting nauseous, but I can't cancel my subscription to the diet because then I wasted all of that..." the young woman burst into tears as she ate another slice of raspberry cheesecake.
"Well, yes. There is that. Once you sign up for the diet there is no refund. You sign up for a full year of delicious food, but don't worry, you get it a months worth of food at the beginning of every month. If you think that you will have a problem storing that food you can pay 6,397,392 doorknobs for a small portable freezer. It will be great!" Kaoru clapped her hands together and looked at her watch.
"That looks like all the time we can spend together today, but no worries. We at Kaoru's toyland would like to remind you that we are not responsible to ruptures of the stomach, kidney and or liver failure, or rectum blockage. Thank you all and have a good night."
A/N
Sorry, I've been having some problem with Doc Manager but I think it is all patched up now. It's mostly just editing things already in Doc Manager, so maybe I'll just make sure everything is fine before I upload it.
Have a good night and please review.
