To Sam and Naruto it had been six months since Dean's death. Needless to say Sam would have gone revenge crazy had Naruto not directed his attention towards something more useful.
Like the proper response to Loki's stunt in killing Dean in front of Sam. The response in question became more and more graphic in nature as Sam's anger drove him to new heights of sadism.
Naruto was so getting him into revenge pranks, if only to give the guy a form of therapy that wouldn't kill people.
Finally, after six long months and an endless stream of prank wars, they finally caught a break.
However...there was a catch.
Naruto sniffed the air, then glared at 'Bobby'.
"Sam, stake him while I get things ready," said Naruto.
He was pouring something on the ground in a circle while Sam killed 'Bobby'.
Loki appeared, chastising them both when Naruto deftly flicked a lighter and set the ring he had made ablaze.
Loki blinked, then looked at the ring around him.
"Where'd you get the holy oil?"
"Dumped out the water and put vegetable oil in the bottle instead. So, he was telling the truth. Why is an angel harassing a pair of hunters?" asked Naruto.
"How did you know it would work though?"
"I didn't, but I was willing to go on faith that maybe that one guy was being honest. It was harder to find something to trap you with," said Naruto bluntly.
"More like it took you five hours to find anything on the internet about holy oil being useful," snorted Sam.
"Actually I'm more surprised that the kid was the one to tell you to kill the old guy."
"One, I'm a ninja for kami's sake. Two, I knew it wasn't him. You got the scent wrong. And three, I figured out after the fiftieth time you killed Dean I was in an illusion, one that hadn't broken yet," said Naruto flatly.
It did wonders for his ability to sense genjutsu though...but that more along the lines of the fact Loki didn't know to hide they were in an illusion. Sam didn't know the signs, but Naruto had noted the inconsistencies.
Loki looked at Naruto hard.
"So you were the poor bastard who fell through the rift. I was wondering who had unlucky enough to accidentally break through without being in the summon realm at the time."
"Summon realm?"
Loki shrugged.
"There's a separate world where animals rules and humans can access with certain training. Occasionally demons from hell try to break through to escape hunters, but the creatures that live there tend to wipe them out before they're there for more than a few hours."
Naruto looked unhappy at the reminder.
"So why hasn't he gone home yet?"
"Well according to rumors, the one who fell through the rift by mistake was the container of a rather strong demon kitsune named the Kyuubi no Yoko. It's hard enough to keep a tailed beast contained in one dimension with chakra. The only reason he hasn't been taken back is because word has it his village threw him out for killing someone."
"Sasuke was an asshole, and he ceased to be my comrade when he tried to ram a lightning bolt through my chest. I've moved past accidentally killing him," said Naruto flatly.
Naruto turned back to Loki with an evil gleam in his eyes.
"I wonder how Mr. Fuzzy would enjoy kicking your ass. From what I heard from that last demon Bobby and I tangled with, Bijuu don't exactly have much to fear from the people on this end...and I heard angels were dicks with wings."
Loki winced. He had heard of the Bijuu, and no one sane would go after one unless they didn't have any other choice. Those things were pure energy...negative energy, but still energy...so killing one was damn near impossible. It was hard enough keeping them contained in the world beyond the summons realm!
"Wait, he's an angel?" said Sam.
"One that's kept you in an illusion since the first death," confirmed Naruto.
"So...Dean's not dead?"
"Nope. But I will be dragging your ass to therapy. The amount of crap you have pent up is not healthy...that or introduce you to that crazy bitch Anko," said Naruto sagely.
Loki winced.
"Who's Anko?"
"Anko Mitarashi, noted for being a Snake summoner who hasn't become entirely evil. Also known as the crazy snake bitch of Konoha," said Loki.
Naruto gave Loki an odd look.
"What? You think I spend all my time pranking bastards who deserve it? I go to the summons realm out of boredom occasionally!"
"Name the Toad Boss."
"Gamabunta. The Snake Boss is Manda, and the Slug Princess is Tsunade," deadpanned Loki.
"He's cleared. Though would you drop the damn genjutsu already? It's bad enough I'm weak against the damn things," said Naruto.
"Why would I do that?"
"Because if you don't then I'll tell Dean how to actually kill you and how much trauma you caused his baby brother...then I will proceed to mess with his Impala and blame any and all damage on you," said Naruto flatly.
Sam grinned evilly.
"That would work," he said with an evil glint.
"Then of course I could shove you inside the body of a toad and let you die slowly from being digested and shit out, possibly in some murky swamp area."
"Clever," said Sam evilly.
"Of course I could always start telling people that Loki is an angel in disguise...I heard rumors that you had a fling with the goddess Kali and I'm sure she would love a chat with you in which you couldn't escape," said Naruto.
With each idea Loki's wince only grew worse.
"So, give us a reason why we shouldn't make your life a living hell."
"Fine. Dean has a contractual immortality clause. He'll be sent to hell but he won't stay there. Happy?"
"Contractual immortality clause?"
"Dean's deal is the start of a whole mess in which Lucifer escapes, and the angels will need him when that happens. So while he does end up dead he'll come back good as new once certain requirements are met. Hell the only reason I left was because I was sick and tired of Micheal and Lucifer bickering!" said Loki annoyed.
"You're only telling us this because he's blackmailing you," said Sam.
"This runt is good. I might have to prank him later," said Loki approvingly.
"Prank King of Konoha! Fear my wrath!" cackled Naruto evilly.
Loki gave Naruto a look.
"Douse the flames and I'll let you go."
Naruto hit him with an ice water bucket, dousing some of the flames. Loki snapped his fingers and they woke up to the same Wednesday Dean 'died' in.
Sam was very, very glad to be out of that illusion.
Naruto...well he hated illusions plain and simple.
Loki cornered Naruto shortly after Dean and Sam packed up.
Sam tensed when he saw the familiar face.
"What do you want?" asked Naruto evenly.
"I challenge your title as prank king. Loser pays for the winner's next two meals."
"Deal!" said Naruto evilly.
Dean looked at the two with wide eyes.
"Do I want to know?"
"No," said Sam flatly. He looked at Loki.
"Drop him off at Bobby's or in the Impala for us?"
"Doable," said Loki with an evil glint.
And with that, he vanished with a cackling Naruto.
Naruto was dropped off in the Impala under an illusion, which Loki had specially tailored to his inability to undercharge jutsu. Apparently all the time he spent randomly in the summons realm had given him a basic understanding of chakra and jutsu.
Considering he wasn't as useless as Kakashi, as perverted as Jiraiya or as overworked as Iruka, Naruto actually liked the former angel as a teacher. For one thing Loki actually knew a lot about fighting, being a former arch angel during the angel wars.
He immediately took a nap while Sam and Dean stormed the room, and didn't wake up until night had already fallen. He blinked when he heard the jangling of keys.
"(Yawn) What time is it?" asked Naruto.
Dean nearly dropped his keys in shock.
"Dude, what the hell are you doing in the back of my Impala now of all days?!" asked Dean, reaching into his trunk for anti-demon warfare.
"I kicked Loki's ass in a prank war and he dropped me off at the hotel. I was taking a nap until I heard the keys," said Naruto.
Dean immediately handed him some weapons and dragged him to the station.
"What's going on anyway?"
"Demons are storming the station. I came out to get something to stay alive, because the only hunters in there are me and Sammy."
"...Why are you in a police station? Don't you have a bounty on your head?"
"...We got busted by some hard ass FBI named Henricksen. I'm surprised they didn't notice you in the back."
"I was sleeping under a cover. And shinobi tend to learn not to snore on principle," said Naruto, watching as Dean slammed the door closed and insured the salt line was intact.
"Who...Naruto? Who won?" asked Sam.
"I did. Loki was actually cussing me out at the end for leaving high strength laxatives in his sweets!" snorted Naruto.
Sam cackled evilly at that news.
"Good kitsune," said Sam, patting Naruto's blond locks. Naruto grinned evilly like a fox while putting both his hands behind his head in agreement.
"Is anyone else confused?" asked Henricksen. Everyone but Sam, Dean and Naruto nodded.
Suddenly the place was hit with a swarm of demons. In less than a minute it passed, but they all knew it wasn't over.
"So...exactly how bad is it?" asked Naruto bored.
"I'd guess over fifty, easily," said Dean, handing Naruto a shot gun with salt rounds in it.
One of the experiments they did was to see if Naruto's clone trick worked on weapons.
It did.
"So wait until the assholes get some bodies and then start shooting?" asked Naruto.
"Pretty much. With you here, getting out of this alive just became a viable option," said Dean.
"Where were you anyway?" asked Sam.
"Sleeping off the prank war I had with Loki in the backseat. He dropped me off right as you stormed that hotel room. I guess no one thought to check the back seat to see if anything incriminating was there," shrugged Naruto. The FBI guy twitched at that.
"You mean you were in the Impala that long?" asked Sam.
"What? Loki was training me in between pranks, and he finally decided to drop me off when he decided to move onto his next victim since I hit him with the laxatives repeatedly. For a pagan god he's actually a good fighter," said Naruto.
The lone female in the room twitched.
Dean inspected the salt lines before he had Naruto go out, and fixed one that had been slightly messed up by the deputy.
"So how many out there?" asked Naruto.
"Too many to count from where I'm at. You ready runt?" asked Sam.
"I had a nap and I've been fed recently. I'm ready," deadpanned Naruto.
Naruto put his hands into a familiar set of seals, and with the door ready to be opened he called out "Shadow Clone Jutsu!"
A hundred versions of him, all loaded down with holy water and salt-round bullets stared back at him. It was rather crowded in that office.
"What the hell?" said Henricksen.
"Naruto Uzumaki, your mission should you choose to accept it...is to give them hell."
"Sir yes sir!" said Naruto with a far too enthusiastic salute.
Dean opened the door and out they went, disguised as different people. The demons sneered at the fake army right until they realized that there were more of them than could possibly fit in that building, let alone all have the same weapons. It wasn't until a demon who had survived an excursion into the summons realm recognized the poof of smoke that someone figured out what they were dealing with.
"Shit! They have a shinobi in there!"
Some of the smarter demons paled at that. Shinobi were a bigger hassle than hunters because of their summons.
At that, the group of clones smirked evilly.
"Well if you've figured that much out then... Summoning Jutsu!"
A toad the size of Bobby's house appeared, and it immediately went into fight mode.
Summon animals are not fans of demons. Even less so when they are trying to kill their summoner. Toads, in particular, were not happy with demons as they had the unfortunately habit of living near one of the larger concentrations of energy, and thus demons tended to try and barge into their territory with annoying regularity.
The fact Naruto was a registered Toad summoner was one of the major reasons he had been sucked into that vortex in the first place. Despite only being on the contact for all of three months.
Naruto grinned as he watched the toad make fast work of the demons without killing their hosts.
"What the hell is that?" asked Dean.
"My summons. You were told I could bring out summon animals right?"
"Along with the weird pocket dimension thing. I didn't expect them to be so big though," said Dean in shock.
"How else are they supposed to fight off demons who break into their territory? Diplomacy?" asked Naruto sarcastically.
"Exactly how big is their leader?" asked Sam in disbelief.
"Big enough that bringing him out could crush this place and the parking lot out back with no problems at all," deadpanned Naruto.
"You are never summoning a frog that big around my baby," said Dean flatly.
"Toad. Call them frog and you'll be dealing with Gamabunta yourself," said Naruto. He may not know the difference between frogs and toads, but he wasn't stupid enough to mention that in front of his summons.
