More Than Words-Chapter 29

"No?" Richard repeated, just in case he hadn't heard right. "You said...no?"

"I said no."

"Why?"

"Because I said no. I don't need to explain myself to you." Her voice was strained and sounded very much like a mother who expected to not be questioned. That irritated Richard a great deal, much more than it rightly should have. He swerved over to the curb, slamming the car out of gear with a horrible grinding sound and practically pushing the brake through the floor with the force he used to set it.

"I just gave you. Half a dozen good reasons. Mm, for why I... should help. Give me one good reason...why I shouldn't. " He spoke through clenched teeth, his rough voice harsher than usual with anger.

"Because we are not your responsiblity!" she snapped. She paused, and then added more mildly "Or, maybe we are, for as long as it takes me to pay off Mr. Lansky. But what do we do then, when you're not required to come around to ask me to clean his office or play taxi for me? Think about it, Mr. Harrow...do you think I could bear to watch Chris go back to practically starving after a month or three of being well off? It's going to be hard enough for him when you're gone, as is. He's...he's grown attached to you; I know I should have discouraged it, and that's nothing personal against you, Mr. Harrow. I was stupid; I saw him happy and I just...couldn't...couldn't take that from him, because there haven't been a lot of times in his life when he's been truly happy."

In the soft light shed by the streetlamps, Richard could see confusion and pain in her face. He could only imagine what she must be feeling as she thought about this situation. He understood, a little; she was trying to protect Chris from being hurt even more than he already had been. Fair enough...that was part of being a parent, and Richard could respect that.

But there was another option, one she probably would never think of on her own; or if she did, he doubted she would suggest it, shy as she was. That left it up to him, and he knew he would be opening himself up to everything he had sought to avoid. But damn it, he was quite fond of Chris, and occasionally (when she wasn't being stubborn or indecisive or stammeringly shy) he found himself liking Gwen. He could protect himself, continue being lonely and silently miserable. Or he could do the right thing, regardless of how it might hurt him in the end.

"What if...mm," he said slowly, nervously, "I didn't stop...coming around? What if...you and I. Mm, were friends?"

"Friends?" she repeated, as if it were a foreign word she wasn't sure how to pronounce. Truthfully, it was a slightly unfamiliar concept to Gwen; she hadn't had a lot of friends as a child and none in the past ten years. "I...I'm not entirely sure we can be. Friends..don't friends have things in common? Things they can talk about? I am a very boring person, Mr. Harrow, not someone you can have a meaningful conversation with."

"Friends," Richard said, thinking of Jimmy Darmody, "understand each other. They, mm...help one another, and they...listen." Maybe his friendship with Jimmy wasn't the best example, cemented as it had been in sex and murder, not to mention Richard following Jimmy from one stupid decision to the next. But he probably shouldn't mention that to Gwen. "We do have something...in common; we both want Chris to...have a good life." She nodded slowly, conceding that. "And we do talk."

"Well, sort of," she said, her face slightly comical as she contemplated their conversations. "I stammer a lot and manage to say nothing-"

"You aren't stammering...now."

"I...I'm not? Oh. Well...I guess, well, I guess I'm not so nervous around you." That surprised her; she hadn't realized she had grown that relaxed around him in such a short time. It also worried her; the only other person she had grown that comfortable with (although not nearly as quickly) was Jeff, and that hadn't worked out very well.

*Yes, but do you really think the situations are the same? Jeff wanted one thing, and you gave it to him. It's not like Mr. Harrow is trying to bed you! Let's face it, he's just doing this for Chris. He's probably thinking it would be better if he included you, too; you are the boy's mother and for the moment, the only effective means of communication he has with Chris. He doesn't have to, and he knows it. He's offering help and support and presence! Isn't that what you've always wanted from Jeff? For him to step up and do what a father should?*

*But Mr. Harrow is NOT Chris' father!*

*No, but he's been more of a father in two months than Jeff's been in ten years! How often has Jeff brought food? When was the last time Jeff carried Chris to bed, or held him while he cried? Remember having to practically pin him down to teach him sign? And who's teaching your son to read and write?*

*Well, yes...but...*

Gwen waited for some counter argument to throw at her conscious, but none were forthcoming. It was all true, and she couldn't argue with truth. She wondered if Mr. Harrow realized his kindness looked that way; was he hoping to make himself a father figure to Chris? Or was he just trying to be kind while building on the connection they seemed to share? Or, was there something more to his offer? She didn't think there was, but it was a possibility; people didn't do randomly nice things for no reason. But what could his ulterior motive be? Was he trying to tie her more firmly to Mr. Lansky? Maybe he was just under orders to get close and find more information on her...although what he was supposed to discover and why was something she couldn't figure out. She wasn't hiding any great secrets and, as an asset to society, she wasn't much, so she wouldn't really be useful to a crime boss.

Thinking about all the sinister motives that may or may not be tied to his offer was giving her a headache. She let it go and just thought about what her instincts said on the matter. They were saying it was a bad idea; sure Mr. Harrow reminded her of her brother a bit, and he made Chris happy, and he'd done more for them in the past few weeks than just about anyone. But he was a stranger, a murderer, a mob enforcer who could easily disappear from their lives in a heartbeat for any number of reasons. He might not be a threat to them directly, but weren't these rival bands of bootleggers always taking one another out? Could Chris end up an innocent victim just by association? Her mind gave her all sorts of very good reasons why she should say no, and she weighed each one carefully.

But every other time she had gone on instinct, it backfired. Of course, ignoring instinct never worked in her favor, either. So, if whatever she decided would backfire, what would be the best decision for the time being?

That was easy to decide; she only needed to picture her son to know what she should say.

"Mr. Harrow, do you like baseball?"

"I do."

"Yankees fan?"

"Cubs, actually." He had gotten on that band wagon during his stay at the veterans' hospital in Chicago.

"That won't do. Chris will question your wisdom. I tell you this as a friend," she said, a faint smile on her lips. "To keep peace with my son, say you're a Yankee fan."

"I think I...can manage that." He smiled warmly at her. "Thanks for the advice. Friend."

Gwen hoped and prayed this decision wouldn't come back to haunt her any time soon.