NCIS: Post-Traumatic
Author: AnonymousNCISFan
Rating: T (PG-13)
Summary: Gibbs & Abby have been avoiding each other since his return from Paraguay…here's one possible explanation.
Pairing: Gibbs/Abby friendship
Spoilers: Up to & including Season 15
Warnings: Angst, References to PTSD
Disclaimer: I do not own these characters and am making no money off this – I appreciate the creative minds at NCIS and the brilliant actors who bring these beloved characters to life.
Chapter 29 – Flipping the Switch
Author's Note: This chapter – a missing scene between Abby and Sloane. The episode was so rushed we never got their final moments, which made the next episode feel somewhat strange with Sloane trying to help the team through the trauma. It also annoys me that they had a great opportunity for Gibbs to show sorrow over Abby's departure through his interactions with Sloane, especially if they wanted to build a relationship between the two, which it seems they do. Oh well, guess I'll have to try to fix that too! LOL Obviously, spoilers for "Two Steps Back." Feedback is much appreciated!
NCIS Headquarters
3:45PM
Standing next to the elevator doors outside of autopsy, Abby and Sloane awkwardly pulled away from the quick hug Sloane had initiated.
"I've been looking for you," Sloane said, rubbing her arm gently. "C'mon, let's talk," she added, gesturing to the elevator.
"I, um … I'm OK," Abby lied, looking down. Sloane gave her a skeptical looking, tilting her head and crossing her arms.
"Abby, everyone's very worried about you," she began.
"Why? Because you think I poisoned King?"
Sloane winced slightly at the harsh tone in Abby's voice, a small taste of what Gibbs had encountered, she thought.
"No, we know you didn't," Sloane reassured her. "The tox screen came back clean. My main concern is you. It's only been a few days since the incident and-"
"Four," she corrected.
"Right," Sloane sighed, "So anyway, I was thinking maybe we could grab a coffee, or a Caf-Pow, or whatever and-"
"Look, I appreciate what you're trying to do, Jack, but I really don't have time for this right now. I have things to do."
"Maybe I can help you, come with you-"
"No!" Abby shouted uncharacteristically. "Can't I just … just be alone for a little bit?"
Sloane gave her a worried look. "Mind if I ask where you're going?"
"Home," Abby sighed. "Just want to take a shower, get cleaned up, is that too much to ask?"
"Of course not," Sloane replied, trying to reassure her. "Abby, I'm not out to get you, or to pretend that I can ever know what you're going through … I just want to help, we all do."
"I know, but … but I don't think you can," Abby rasped sadly. "And I already spoke to Dr. Confalone, so …"
"Well, the Director thought it might be good if we debriefed."
"When I get back," Abby replied with a nod.
"And when will that be?"
"Look, I just need a few hours," Abby pleaded.
"I get it," Sloane replied gently. "I just want to make sure you're OK."
Abby nodded sadly, looking at the elevator. Sloane smiled and walked inside and Abby hesitantly followed. As the doors closed, Sloane turned to her.
"Abby … I spoke to Gibbs earlier and-"
"Jack, I really don't want to talk about this," Abby replied tightly, turning away. She looked back sharply when Sloane hit the emergency stop switch, plunging them into semi-darkness. "Really?! You're gonna use that move on me?"
"Look, Abby, I just want to say something," Sloane replied, holding her hands up defensively. Considering the deadly glare coming from Abby, Sloane knew she would have to come out with it quickly.
"Abby," she began, "Gibbs is just worried about you. He's not angry. You should talk to him. He's at his house now just waiting to hear-"
"And when did you become an expert on Gibbs?" Abby replied, rolling her eyes.
"Never said I was. All I'm saying is, after all you've both been through-"
"And just what do you know about what Gibbs and I have been through?"
"Look, I'm not claiming omnipotence here, but it's also my job to know about people, what makes them tick."
"So all this time, you've been trying to get inside my head," Abby spat angrily. "Well you need to stop. I'm not some problem for you to figure out."
"I'm just worried that Gibbs-"
"If you're so worried about Gibbs, just go to him and leave me alone. I'm sure he'd prefer your presence to mine, anyway."
"Abby … I don't understand this. I thought we were friends. What's with the attitude? Because let me tell you, when Gibbs got the call about the shooting, I saw the terror in his eyes, the pain, the fear – things I'd never seen in him before."
"Yea, 'cause he was with you," Abby sighed, instantly regretting that the words had slipped from her lips. A look of understanding washed over Sloane's face.
"Abby … I know you asked him to go with you that night, and that he said no. And I know that must've hurt you."
"Why are you doing this?" Abby demanded. "I said I don't want to talk about it!"
"Because you need to talk, Abby – and I need you to know that the poker game wasn't planned. I asked him to have the game after he declined your invitation. I was just trying to get him out of the funk he'd been in since the Ruiz case. But he didn't choose me over you, it was never about that."
"Why would I even care?!" Abby exclaimed, turning to face her.
"You said it – Gibbs was with me. And Grace and Leon and Tobias. And yes, we were having a great time. And maybe that's part of the problem."
"We're done," Abby huffed, flipping the emergency switch and squinting as the lights came back on.
Sloane hit the switch again, and Abby glared at her angrily.
"When I first came here six months ago, you spent weeks trying to avoid me. You thought I was up to something, you were suspicious. Just what were you trying to hide? Is it the same thing you're trying to hide now?"
"You need to back up," Abby warned.
"Look, if you have feelings for Gibbs, I'm not trying-"
"What?!" Abby exclaimed. "God no, it's not like that. Honestly, you're gonna go there, right now? Because you have no clue how close Gibbs and I were. We were tighter than blood, but it's not … he's like father to me. And this is exactly why I didn't want you to try and get inside my head! Just because I love someone, doesn't mean it's … whatever. Think what you want."
"Woa, Abby slow down," Sloane pleaded. "Let me finish. I've seen this kind of thing before. At this point in my life, I tend to date older men, and some of those men have children. The last relationship I had ended because the guy's daughter didn't particularly like that her dad was suddenly spending all this time with a new woman."
"Wow," Abby half-laughed, shaking her head. "What do you think I am, nine?"
"Well, you're certainly acting like it," Sloane rebutted as Abby rolled her eyes. "Look, I know Gibbs and I have been spending a lot of time together lately and, I admit, we're growing closer, but that doesn't mean he cares any less about you."
Sloane could tell Abby was growing uncomfortable with the conversation, but persisted. "Imagine how badly Gibbs feels, thinking it should have been him with you that night, and not Reeves."
"You're trying to make me feel sorry for him now? 'Poor Gibbs, for once in his life he tries to have fun with his friends and I come along and ruin it by almost dying'?"
"No, Abby, come on," Sloane pleaded. "I don't know your history with him, or how you became so close, but I do know what I'm seeing now. And I'm worried – for both of you."
"Maybe you're right to be worried," Abby rasped. "But there's nothing you can do here. Not for me, anyway. But maybe for Gibbs."
Abby turned to Sloane, feeling the anger slowly subside, becoming something else.
"Jack, I … I really do respect you, and I've come to call you a friend. So I'm going to tell you something in confidence, something I haven't told anyone yet, but I need you to promise you won't say anything, not a word."
Sloane nodded somberly, watching Abby struggle as she continued.
"Jack, I've made up my mind. I'm leaving tomorrow. And I'm not coming back."
"Wait, Abby, slow down-"
"I'm moving to London, to start a charity in honor of Reeves' mother. It was one of his dreams, but because of me, he can't make that happen, so I will."
"London? Abby do you know anyone-"
"No, and that's the point. I just need to go somewhere where no one will know me. I need a fresh start."
"And when are you going to tell-"
"Tonight. I need a few hours to get some things together. I'm asking you, on our friendship, to honor this and keep it secret until then."
"OK, I … I admit I thought maybe you might be leaving NCIS, but I wasn't prepared for a move half across the world. Don't you think this is all very sudden?"
"It is, but that's kind of the point."
"I'm just concerned, it's only been four days, as you've said, and you're leaving your entire support system here to go off and live in a strange place with people you don't know…"
"I've thought about that," Abby admitted. "I just think it would be too hard for me to stay. To see everyone … to see their grief over Reeves, to know I was the reason-"
"Hey, this is not your fault," Sloane said strongly.
"Everyone keeps telling me that, but it doesn't change how I feel. This is one of the hardest things … I never thought … Jack, I never thought I could leave. But things feel different now. I've already hurt Gibbs, lied to him and to the team, gotten into all sorts of trouble. And if I don't go now, I feel like things will just get worse, they'll pile up. Because I've been having some dark thoughts lately, and they've gotten worse since I've been back here, in this building."
"What kind of thoughts?" Sloane asked, concerned.
Abby shook her head. "Just know that I am grateful Gibbs has you in his life. And promise me you'll look out for him when I'm gone."
"Abby-"
"Just swear, OK? Because I need to know he's gonna be OK. And you can help him, I know that. You can make him smile and laugh and forget about all the horribleness for a while. I always tried to … and maybe I am like a little kid with him sometimes, and maybe that needs to end now."
"That's, uh, that's a lot to process," Sloane sighed. "But I promise, I won't tell anyone. I'll respect your wishes. As for Gibbs, you know I care for him, too, and I'll look out for him as much as he'll let me."
Abby nodded, biting her lip and looking down.
"Just promise me one thing," Sloane added, placing a hand on her shoulder. "Promise me you'll tell Gibbs yourself. It's something he should hear from you."
"I'll find a way," Abby rasped. "So, are we done with this, uh, debriefing?"
Sloane nodded, flipping the emergency switch. As the elevator came back to life, Abby turned and gave Sloane a tight hug, as much as her injury would allow. Sloane closed her eyes, worried for her friend but accepting her decision. Sloane knew all about clean breaks, and the need to get away from past trauma.
"I hope you find what you're looking for," Sloane whispered in her ear, rubbing her back gently as they parted.
"Thanks, you too," Abby half-smiled as the elevator doors opened to the garage. She gave Sloane a small wave, then turned to walk to her car. Sloane waved back and watched her as the elevator doors closed.
"Godspeed, Abby," she rasped, knowing the difficult road that would lie ahead for her, and for the team she was leaving behind, especially Gibbs.
TO BE CONTINUED…
