im baaack! :) it hasnt been nearly that long! hahah this story has a little bit of sadness and a little bit of happiness in it. a good dose of each. and thank you all for reviewing last time! it just makes me smile. i do have one thing to tell you all! ive been writing a new story with the actual jonas brothers. hahah not that im writing it with them, im writing it about them. i really like the story a lot and if any of you want to read it just message me! im thinking about creating a livejournal or something to put all my stories on. ECC would be on it too. its just an idea, but i think you all would really like this new story. let me know if you want to check it out!
anyway. hope all of you are having good weeks. i am. its almost the weekend! and im going to my first college football game! im excited. :) well here you go my dears. not my longest chapter ever and i feel i kinda rushed it. i just wanted to update sooon! enjoy.
disclaimer: as always i dont own anything. except the people you dont know.
Chapter Twenty-Nine: The Chronicles of Life and Death
These are the chronicles of life and death
And everything between
These are the stories of our lives as fictional as they may seem
You come in this world
And you go out just the same
Today could be the worst day of your life
The Chronicles of Life and Death: Good Charlotte
A few more tears dropped from my eyes as the reverend closed the casket, throwing Mom into eternal darkness forever. Four men walked down the aisle solemnly. They were to carry Mom to her final resting place just beyond the chapel. The funeral goers filed out behind the slow moving men entering into the brisk air. I brought up the rear, Caity and Shane flanking me.
We trudged through the mushy grass finally stopping on the top of a small hill behind the chapel. People crowded around the freshly dug earth, waiting.
The reverend stepped to the head of the grave and said another prayer as the four men slowly lowered my mother down. A struggled sob flew from my mouth. Shane drew me to his chest, and I buried my head against him crying violently. With a soft clunk, my mother's casket hit the bottom. I don't know why but that really made my crying even worse – if that was even humanly possible. I vaguely noticed some relatives and friends going up to the hole and dropping either dirt or a flower down. My vision was so blurred I could barely make out the forms of people. I remember hugging a bunch of random people and telling them thank you for coming. Other than that I was lost in the blur of reality.
"Mitchie," he spoke my name softly, tentatively. "Everyone is heading back. Are you ready?"
I sniffed disgustingly, feeling the snot running from my nose coming dangerously close to my upper lip. "Give me a couple minutes," I breathed leaving his protecting grasp.
"Would you like me to stay?" he wondered reaching out for me.
I shook my head. "I need to do this on my own."
"We will be down at the chapel," he said with understanding and left.
With him gone I felt at a complete loss. All my protection and safety was gone, gone to leave me here alone to say my final goodbyes to my mother.
"I never thought I would lose you this early," I told her kneeling down on the hard, cold earth next to her tombstone. "You weren't supposed to leave me yet. I'm not ready to have to deal with life without you. Who's going to tell me when I'm making the biggest mistake of my life like dating Shane Gray? Or that I'm stupid for believing I can be a rock star?"
I sighed running my hand across the granite stone. The tombstone read:
Juanita Leigh Torres
March 23, 1970 – December 15, 2008
Beloved mother and friend.
: Never forget the purple and
Pink sky, love is happening.
I choked back another sob. Carmen had suggested I put something meaningful on the tombstone, something personal. This was one of the best pieces of advice my mother ever gave me, and I decided that it should always be remembered.
"Never forget the purple and pink sky, love is happening," I muttered to myself feeling a pang of hurt. "I don't know how you did it Mom, how could you do it for so long? You were such a fighter, and if only I could have fought him off a little longer then maybe we would have been free. I know it was a farfetched idea to ever think we would be free but I imagined it. I imagined you and I living in a small house, safe and happy. We would do stupid things and laughed for hours on end." Tears fell faster now. "But now we will never be able to do those things."
"I know you would tell me to be strong right now but I can't Mom, I just can't," I sighed letting my head fall against the startling cold stone. "I'm never going to see you again. I'm never going to be able to talk to you, to ask for advice on boys, to have you help me get ready for college, or be there before my first ever school production. Nothing is ever going to be the same again."
I could almost hear her say that everything was going to be fine. "I don't know if I'm strong enough to do this on my own. I don't know if I have enough willpower to continue on knowing you won't be by my side every step of the way."
Something unexplainably miraculous happened then. A gust of wind swept across the hill lifting the ends of my hair to tickle my neck. It felt as if a huge weight had lifted off my shoulders. I looked up to the heavens and I knew, I knew she was there with me.
"Mom?" I called out wondering how stupid I probably sounded but I had to try.
"Mitchie," it was like a whisper of the wind but I knew.
I gulped back another sob that was threatening for exit. "Are you really here?"
"It's all in your head darling," she called softly.
I shook my head disbelieving. "Mom, I don't know if I can do this. I'm not strong enough."
The wind picked up again thrashing against my exposed face. "Sweetie, I'm really getting tired of hearing you say you can't do this. You are the strongest person I've ever known. If anyone will be able to get through this it will be you. And don't even start saying who is going to be there to guide you. You have multiple people willing to do anything and everything to keep you happy. Plus you will have me with you there every step of the way."
The tears were rolling again. "I don't want to move on without you. It was always me and you, together until the end."
"We will always be together," the air cooed. "Just because I'm not physically there with you doesn't mean I'm not there. As long as you hold me in your heart I will forever be with you."
"I wish I could really hear your voice now," I sighed running my hand along her name. "I wish you could be here. I wish you could have met Shane Mom. He is amazing. You really would have loved him. I wish he could have met you."
"So what you said before about telling you your stupid for dating him was just a lie?" A chuckled floated by with the breeze. "I wish I could have met him too. I've seen him sometimes, he is such a gentleman and beyond cute."
I giggled in spite of the circumstances. "He is so adorable Mom. And everything about him is perfect. His family is wonderful. Caitlyn's family is terrific for taking me in," I said changing gears completely. "Carmen really misses you and so does Caity. We all miss you so much."
"I miss you too baby girl," the wind whispered. "You are going to be okay though. I know you will. You are my strong daughter Mitchie Leigh Torres, and you have surrounded yourself with people who will make sure you are okay. I couldn't have left you in better hands."
"Mom," I cried dropping my head into my hands, sobbing.
The wind picked up again flitting across the grass, and then it was quiet again.
"Mom?" I asked afraid.
As I feared there was no answer. This only made me cry even harder. I stood briefly only to fall back down on the other side of her headstone. I ran my hand along the smaller, grittier one.
Matthew Phillip Torres
November 2, 1993 – March 14, 1994
Beloved Son and Brother
"Hey baby brother," I said lovingly. "Sorry I haven't been around in awhile. It's been a bit crazy lately, and I know that shouldn't be an excuse but it is. How are you doing?"
I listened to the silence for a couple minutes.
"You know I was just thinking about how if you were still alive you would probably be best friends with Nate Black. You two would have been the same age, and I know you would have been as talented as Nate is. If I can play music there's no doubt you would have been able too."
"I'm so sorry you never were able to live the life you deserve, but I'm also glad you never had to endure our family. Although with you around none of this probably wouldn't have happened. I'm not blaming you at all," I said quickly immediately feeling guilty for blaming my dead brother. "I'm sorry for even thinking that. I wish you would be here with me right now. I know we would have been best friends. I would have taught you how to ride a bike when Mom and Dad didn't want you too. I would have taught you to play the guitar so that you ended up being better than me. I would have taught you so many things."
I wiped a tear from my nose and sniffed. "Watch over Mom please. She gets a little hectic at times and freaks out about little things. I'm jealous that you get to spend so much time with her now. You will love her though, if you haven't already met her. She is one unique person and I love her so much. I love you too baby brother. One day I will be reunited with you and Mom, and then we can start our real family."
I absentmindedly traced my finger over the groves of his name. "I miss you both so much. I know you will take care of Mom though. Tell her I will be okay and that she needn't worry about me too much. I love you."
"Mitchie?" his voice startled me.
I turned finding him standing a few yards away from me not wanting to interrupt. He looked absolutely adorable with his hands pushed into his pockets. His hair blew hap hazardously in the wind falling back over his beautiful eyes with perfection.
"They wanted me to come tell you were heading back to the house soon," he said awkwardly feeling as if he just intruded on a very personal conversation – which he had but I wasn't going to worry about it.
"Come here," I beckoned softly patting the stiff ground.
He obeyed and settled himself next to me.
"Shane Gray I want you to meet my brother, Matthew Phillip," I introduced him to the grave stone. I wonder how crazy he thought I was now.
"I've heard so many wonderful things about you Matthew," he replied expertly.
I smiled feeling my heart lift even higher.
"I've gotten good at talking to grave stones," he told me. "Dad's isn't too far from here."
I reached out and grabbed his hand reassuringly. "We could go see him if you like. I'd love to meet him."
"Another time," he said kissing my temple, "everyone is waiting on us."
I sighed turning back to my mother and brother. "Well I guess this is goodbye for now," I spoke. "I will come back soon. I'll keep you informed about what's going on." I stood placing my hands on both headstones saying a silent prayer in my head. "I love you two so much."
He wrapped me in his arms holding my head close to his chest. I listened to his heart beat and found myself strangely at ease. I tucked my arms in his heavy dress coat feeling the fabric of his loose button down shirt.
"I'm going to make sure everything is okay," he whispered his mouth on my hair.
I nodded. "I believe you."
After the dreadful funeral we all wandered back over to the Clan's house for some lighter celebrations. The mood was, of course, solemnly happy and bitter. The parents secluded themselves in one of the sitting rooms relishing quiet time away from the children. Caity, Nate, Shane, Jason, and I were all stowed away in the very bottom of the house, hiding out in their recording studio.
"I wish Stella was here," I said sadly leaning back in the swivel chair.
"She wished she would have been able to make it but she had an interview for the hospital today. She told me to tell you how much she wished she could have been here for you today," Jason said lightly running his hands along the piano keys.
Caity sighed from atop her stool. She banged her head against the mic hanging from the ceiling. "I wish there was something to do," she sighed. "Everyone is so depressed and I don't like it."
Nate opened his mouth ready to tell Caity off for being disrespectful. "It's okay Nate; I feel the exact same way Caity. I just want to forget this day and yet I don't. I'm sick of being sad and crying I just want it to stop."
"Let's do something fun then," Shane suggested playing with the light dimmer.
Nate went over and placed his hand over the buttons ceasing Shane from his fun.
"You are such a fun sucker," he complained.
"What do you propose we do?" wondered Nate guarding the controls from his cousin and failed miserably. Shane easily shoved him out of the way.
"This is why I want you guys to come to the gym with me," Shane state resuming his play with the lights. "If you weren't so scrawny you'd actually have a chance against me."
"No need to discuss each other's scrawniness right now," I said stepping in between the cousins. "Let's figure something fun and productive to do."
A wide smile spread across Shane's face. He looked to Nate to see if he was sharing the same thought – apparently they were. Their heads swiveled to Jason who was staring absentmindedly at the ceiling. They rolled their eyes and looked back at each other.
"What is the big idea that's so awesome you can't even speak of it?" Caity asked finally having had enough of their staring contest.
Nate smiled at her widely. "We are going to have some fun today."
"Fun, like what fun?" Jason voiced from his chair.
"My friend," Shane said placing a hand on his shoulder, "today we are going to make us a music video."
The words music video hung in the air everyone sinking in their meaning. I smiled for the first time that day. "That is a perfect idea!" I exclaimed excitedly. "It will be like making a movie just with music."
"Duh Mitch," Nate said sarcastically. "That is the point of a music video."
"This is going to be so fun!" Caity exclaimed hopping off her stool. "I have some film stuff we can use. I used to have a film fetish."
"We have plenty of stuff to use," explained Jason, "we just don't know how to use any of it."
Caity beamed. "Leave the handling to me. Now we just have to decide what song you want to sing and we can begin the making process!"
I hadn't seen Caity this excited in days. Her enthusiasm even pulled me out of my funk. "You guys have so many songs I can't think of them all," I sighed thinking through their songs.
"Which song do you guys want to use?" Caitlyn asked glancing between the three boys.
They shrugged simultaneously. "We were actually thinking on the lines of having us all be in the music video," Shane suggested.
"Well we can all be in the video, we just have to choose what song you want to use," I said.
"Actually," Shane began slowly, "we've been tossing around some ideas, and we've actually started writing a new song."
"A new song?" Caity asked looking to her curly headed boyfriend for confirmation.
"Yeah," Nate chimed in, "a song with multiple parts, girl parts that we need filled."
"How many girl parts?" I asked breathlessly, feeling the excitement bubble in me.
"Three," Jason said, "to match our three."
"Well," I said looking between the five of us, "where are we going to find a third girl part?"
The door to the studio burst open followed by the stumbling of two bodies into the room. A flash of blond was seen before I was being tackled to the ground with more force than necessary. I was pinned to the floor by a person whom I had no idea who it was. I pushed the body off and screamed.
"OH MY GOD! RAINE WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE!" I shouted hugging the blond girl tightly. The other body that crashed in with her waved from his spot by Shane. "Tristan? What the hell you guys? Why are you here?"
"Well my friend," Raine smiled hugely, her pretty face alive with happiness, "we received this call from a very good friend saying that we were needed to sing some damn song. So that's why we are here!"
"Actually Mitch the guys thought it would a nice to surprise for us to come visit you for a little while after today," Tristan said pulling me from Raine taking his turn with hugs.
"Seriously you guys came down just to cheer me up?" I asked with disbelief.
"Yup!" exclaimed Raine grabbing a guitar off the wall. "We came here to take your mind off things and to make a kick ass music video. But I guess first, the appropriate thing would be to ask how you are doing. How are you doing Mitch?"
No one had asked me that today and I was thankful for that. But having Raine and Tristan here made everything so much better that I didn't even mind that question. "I'm doing alright," I admitted. "It's going to be tough but I have the best group of friends that will get me through everything."
"Group hug!" proclaimed Raine grabbing Tristan and my necks. Everyone else grabbed onto each other, hugging.
I smiled sincerely happy that I had these great friends to get me through times like this. I had no doubt in my mind that I was going to be okay. I looked around at each of my friend taking in a moment to absorb the reality of everything. There was Raine and Tristan who just flew god knows how many hours to spend a couple days with me just to make me feel better. There was Caity, Nate, and Jason my everlasting supporters. And then there was him.
The corners of his mouth turned up giving me the most adorable shy smile on the earth. I clung on to Caity's and Raine's shoulders tighter fearing that if I didn't I would end up on the ground. My heart quickened as it always did when I was looking at him.
With these people surrounding me I would never have to worry again. I was safe and unbelievably happy. These people, my best friends, were going to be there for me every step of the way and I wouldn't have it any other way.
"Now let's make a video!" exclaimed Raine loudly.
"What Nate?" I asked for the hundredth time. "You've changed the lyrics at least seven times since we've started."
"I just can't get the right words out," he complained scratching out yet another set of words.
I gingerly took the paper from his grasp. "Let me look."
Nate and I were on lyric writing duty along with Jason who was accompanying us with the music. Tristan and Caitlyn were dubbed the music mixers and filmmakers. They were trying different things out on the computer for when we were actually ready to do this thing. That left Raine and Shane to set up our "stage" or whatever they wanted to call it. We weren't really sure what they were planning on doing for this song. They wanted it to be a surprise until we were ready.
"Sing it to me what you have so far," I said reading over his chicken scratch. How this boy managed to churn out perfect song after perfect song with this handwriting was beyond me.
He perched his guitar on his knee, closed his eyes, and sang. "A words just a word 'til you mean what you say. And love isn't love 'til you give it away. We've all gotta give. There's something to give. To make a change."
"Send it on," I chimed in with him softly, "on and on. Just one hand can heal another."
"Yeah that sounds really good," he said snatching the paper from my hands and scribbling something else in.
"How about this for the next part?" Jason continued the melody as Nate wrote something else down. "Be a part. Reach a heart. Just one spark starts a fire. With one little action the chain reaction will never stop."
"Make us strong. Shine a light and send it on," he added.
"Sounds like a solid chorus if you're asking me," I said running my own hands over Carley. My feet were perched up on the control board as I transitioned from chord to chord allowing the beautiful music to wash over me. It's amazing what three guitarists can do together.
"This part I wrote for you and Shane," he smiled shoving the paper to me. "Sing the first line."
"Give me a melody," I instructed Jason quickly memorizing the lines.
Jason played softly giving me something to work off of. "Just smile."
"Just smile," Nate repeated crooning.
I did smile, imagine that. "And the world."
"And the world," he repeated again.
"Will smile," I sang and nodded for him to join me, "along with you."
"That small act of love that's meant for one will become two."
"I like it," I smiled excitedly. "Does this mean you and Raine are singing the first part?"
He nodded. "You and Shane sound better together. Not that we don't I just love hearing you two sing. Caity and Jason are going to sing another part later on in the song. I have this idea all in my head. I want us all to sing every chorus but each chorus kind of displays each pairs singing. Raine and I will take the first chorus. I want you and Shane to take the second one. Then Jason and Cait get the third, while the last one is for all of us to go crazy."
"That is a really good idea. I am trying to picture this in my head. I really, really like this song though," I stated running it all through my head. "It's meaningful, powerful, and beautiful. Wow that was a lot of –ful's. What made you want to write this one?"
He shrugged running his hands over the guitar again. "The three of us sat down at some point this week and decided we wanted to write a song that all our friends could sing. Something that was fun to sing and fun to listen too."
"I have to say this may be one of your best pieces of music to date Nate Black," I said leaning back in my swivel chair.
"Thank you; now let's finish this thing so we can record it."
"Do you really think we are going to be able to get this all done in one night?"
"I don't know but we can definitely try," he added. "Maybe we can bribe Mom into not making us go to school tomorrow."
"Yeah right," laughed Jason. "You think Mom is going to let you all skip school. I mean I don't have school and neither does Raine or Tristan so we can finish the music video."
"And what are you going to do when four of the singers just go missing?" Nate questioned him. "How are you going to work that one in?"
"Oh yeah," he said slowly. "I guess that won't work."
"Just as long as I can go to musical rehearsals I'll be happy. I would gladly miss school to do something fun like this."
"Let's see how far we can get tonight and then worry about tomorrow."
"Well Master, let's create some music."
Finishing the entire song took less than an hour with the way our minds were thinking. If Nate and I always wrote songs together we would have at least ten done in two days. We were on the same wavelength when it came to what words should go where and what note to use on that part.
"Everyone!" Nate shouted standing atop his chair.
Caitlyn and Tristan looked up from the computers in the room off to the right of the control room. Raine and Shane ran through the door having been in another room planning all the actual video stuff. "We heard Nate scream!"
"So we came running!"
"We've finished the song!" he said proudly thrusting the papers into the air.
Raine and Shane bounced on him first stealing the papers. They read it together eyes widening at how good the piece really was. "Damn Natie, you even have all our parts down here for us. You are one hell of a composer," Raine said.
"I had a lot of help," he said nodding to me and Jason.
"I just played the music and added a helpful word here and there, but really it was all Mitchie and Nate."
Shane smiled at me. His blue/brown eyes filled with excitement and adoration. "This is really good you guys. Can we start it now?"
"Definitely we need all the time we can get," Nate said rising from the chair and wandering into the studio. "It's going to take you guys a while to get the music right."
"Pa!" laughed Raine. "I don't think he knows who he's talking too."
"We are the perfection of musical pitch," Shane agreed following Nate into the studio.
"Well since you all are just so perfect let's try and get this done in one try. It's going to take longer to make the actual video. Making the voice tracks is cake. Everything else is a bit complicated. And we are on a tight schedule."
"Does he always get this worked up about these things?" I whispered to Shane.
He nodded solemnly. "This is Nate at his best. He wants everything to be perfect."
"Why would you want it to be anything less than perfect?" questioned Nate coming up behind us.
He startled us into silence. "Now if everyone is done complaining," he said glaring at Shane and I, "I would like to go over a few things before we start. This is not going to be like any kind of studio you've sang in before. We aren't going to spend days perfecting every little hitch in your voice. We are going to go through sections a couple times then but the entire thing together. If it sucks we will do it again, but I know with this group that I doubt it will take much time to perfect this song. It's not particularly hard. Just read over your parts and get a feel for the vibe. Thank you!"
"He's going to be a great leader one day," I mumbled to Shane quietly.
"That's why he's the President!" he laughed tousling his younger cousin's curls.
"Quit playing around and sing!" he ordered everyone.
Being smarter than to disobey Nate in this mood, we all situated ourselves by the microphones. Nate and Raine took the middle microphone while Shane and I took the one to their left, and Caity and Jason took the one to their right. Jason and Nate started the melody on their guitars and basically taught the other three how to sing the song. Tristan fooled with the sound adding techno flair to the music which really pissed Nate off. It was quite amusing to see Nate like this. I rarely ever witnessed him in action like this and I loved it.
The preparation for the song went better than I think any of us expected it to. Everyone quickly learned their parts, and we were able to put it all together quicker than Nate anticipated.
"Alright everyone," Nate finally said an hour or so later, "I think we've got exactly what we need. What do you think Tristan?"
We all faced the window waiting for Tristan to speak. "I feel like your manager guys," he chuckled but quickly adopted a managerial tone. "The last set was the best by far. I think we've got everything we need on the vocal aspect of the song. All that's left is putting it to a movie!"
"Excellent!" cried Nate. "Five minute break and we will start with the next step. Good job everyone!"
"I swear he is going to be a dictator if he ever becomes president," Shane hummed to me.
"I heard that Shane! And just you wait and see!"
Shane smiled at his cousin lovingly. "I love you too Natie."
The atmosphere was above perfect. Everyone was satisfied with the song and the music. Laughter filled the studio every moment we weren't singing. This was the perfect idea to get my mind off Mom. She would have wanted me to do something productive instead of wallowing by myself. I glanced to the ceiling knowing that beyond that and beyond the confines of this house my mother was up there somewhere hearing everything that was going on.
"This is all for you, Mom," I muttered soft enough so that Shane couldn't hear. And it really was for her. Right then and there I decided I would dedicate all my singing ever to her. Something that would keep me motivated to keep writing and playing when nothing else seemed to be going right. As long as I knew Mom was there with me, I was okay.
i just loooove this song and wanted to use it in here somehow. :) the making of their music video next chapter! any ideas on what they should do? thanks for reading!
