Chapter 29 :
The night before the wedding :
Today was friday, the day before the wedding and as the tradition specified the brides couldn't see each other until the ceremony. So Maura stayed home with her mother and Jane spent the day and the night a her parents'.
Around 9 pm Angela decided that it was time for the future bride to go to sleep, in her old bedroom.
The moment was very emotional for Angela, she deeply loved her daughter but she never thought this day would come. Tonight was the opportunity to have an open heart conversation with Jane, which didn't happen very often.
"You know you don't need to sleep with me?" Jane joked watching her mother lying in bed next to her.
"I know, I'm here just in case you might need to talk." Angela replied.
"That and you're scared that I might run off to see Maura…"
"Yes, I know how it's practically impossible to separate the two of you even for one night."
"You're right, even since I was released from the hospital I just can't sleep without her next to me."
"She's really the one hum?"
"I guess she is, I just don't ask myself that question, I know I love her and I want to spend the rest of my life with her. You I spent most of my life feeling a little bit different from other people, I never met someone who really understood me and I was never willing to change you know. I was so stubborn, I thought that if a guy really liked me he would accept me the way I am. Strangely Maura is the first person who makes me want to change, but at the same time I know I don't have to because she loves me the way I am and truly sees me like nobody else does you know… "
"I know, the two of you are soul mates, but aren't you a little nervous?"
"About the wedding itself yes, Maura and you and her mother worked so hard on it that if something goes wrong, I know she's going to be devastated, she wants this to be perfect. But I am nervous about being married?No, not really, I'm marrying my best friend, the only person on earth who really knows me,inside out, and I'm not scared that she knows my darkest sides you know. She helped me more then you can imagine."
"I know and as a mother I would like to be able to protect you and to help you every single day of your life. But I know I can't , it took me a long time to admit it but as much as we love each other there are things you can't talk to me about and things I can't do for you but that Maura can do."
"So you don't hate her for taking me away from you?"
"Of course I do, I hate her for taking my baby away from me. but I learned to accept it, I just can't compete. More seriously I , actually we all love Maura . She's been part of this family ever since we first met her, of course at first we all thought she was from another planet, but she's such a wonderful person that we all forget about it, not to mention that she makes you happy."
"She does, she's a little bit odd, but that's what I love about her, she's not like anybody else I know. It's important for me that you love her. "
"We do, don't worry, she's a Rizzoli now."
"About that, I need to ask you something."
"You can ask me anything."
"Well you know that ever since I got shot I see things differently, especially since Maura and I are dating. I'm doing my best to be more careful, I mean I can't be so reckless and selfish like I used to be, I have Maura to think about and I don't want her put her through this again you know."
"I know."
"But my job is dangerous, even if I'm more careful, I could still be wounded again or worse, so if that happens I need you to take care of her, and if it happens after we started a family I want you to take care of my child too."
"You don't even have to ask, of course we would take care of her if anything happens to you, just like we did when you were unconscious. And if you happen to have a child with her we will take care of it do not worry about it, but you better not do anything stupid like you did ever egain, you know how hard it was on us, but it was even worse on her."
"I know, I saw how much weight she lost, Korsak told me that she barely slept for 3 weeks, I will never forgive myself for doing that to her."
"Well you better forgive yourself, because she did. Actually this thing at least helped you realized your real feelings."
"You're right I guess we would have stayed in denial much longer if I didnt almost died."
"You know, watching Maura staying at your bedside day after day, night after night, I realized that she loved you, that she was in love with you. Of course we all had suspicions before that you were more then friends, but in denial, but her attitude convinced me for good."
"You didn't confront her?"
"It wasn't my place,I knew that once you had awoken you'd both face your feelings, both of you. I mean you can't go through something like that and be willing to stay in denial after that, you are more willing to take risks you know. I knew that what happened was the kick in the butt you both needed ,that the scare of loosing each other would help you face your feelings."
"I did, I just wished I had the balls to face my feelings earlier. From now now, I promise that I won't let my fears keep me from being happy with Maura. We both decided to openly talk about our concerns or fears, no matter what the problem is we talk about it."
"Well honesty is always the best way to proceed darling."
"That your motherly advice?"
"Yes, always be sincere and honest with her, always keep your promises and more then anything never cheat on her. A couple can survive a lot of things, but infidelity is something that is hard to survive even if you love each other."
"I know, forgiving is easier then forgetting. Don't worry Ma, she the only one I want. I actually never looked at another woman since we started dating. I simply don't want to and I know that I will never have the desire to be with someone else, no matter what kind of challenges we might face in the future."
"Well I'm glad to hear that, even if you brother told me about that stripper he got you…"
"Yeah, about that, don't tell him that I told you, but I didn't even let her take her clothes off, she tried to bribe me into accepting sexual favors, I declined and then while performing her lap dance she removed her bra but I stopped her before seeing her half naked."
"You chickened out?" Angela laughed so hard that her belly started to hurt.
"Yes, I mean you know…Ma! Stop laughing I love Maura I felt a bit embarrassed , but I enjoyed myself which was what Maura wanted. Anyway, it's getting really late I better get some sleep, I'm getting married tomorrow."
"My baby is getting married." Angela pouted unable to hide her pride and her emotion.
"Come on Ma, don't cry on me now, tomorrow if you want but not now." Jane objected feeling tears rushing to her eyes a well.
"Alright, I will wait until tomorrow, but I'm proud of you Jane, you became such a wonderful woman, you're smart, successful, every body respects you at work, you're caring, supportive. I know you're going to be a terrific wife and mother. But if you need help I will always be here for you." Angela said wiping a tear of her eyes and hugging her daughter one last time.
"I know Ma, you raised me well, thank you and trust me we're going to need you once we decide to give you grand children." Jane joked.
At the other side of town, Maura was in bed, reading a book that Angela had given her.
"May I come in?" Constance Isles shyly said her head through the opened door.
"Sure mother, come in."
"So, are we a little nervous?" Mrs Isles asked sitting on her bed.
"I'm nervous about the wedding itself but now about getting married no." Maura quietly replied closing her book.
"Well don't worry about a thing, Angela and I have everything under control. She's quite an impressive woman I must say."
"Angela is….determined, she's very italian you know she has this ability to take care her family and marrying her only daughter give her the opportunity to show her how much she loves her."
"I feel the same about you darling, I know we've haven't always been close, but I'm proud of the progress we've made over the past few months ."
"So am I. I'm happy you accepted that I was a lesbian and that I was marrying someone who wasn't born as privileged as I was."
"Well I hope we certainly raised you not to have prejudices about people social class. About Jane being a woman, well I think you father and I are quite opened and she seems to make you very happy and it's all that matter. If she's good enough for you, she's good enough for us, we trust your judgement."
"She's perfect for me mother, she's loyal, patient, carrying, supportive, and just for living with me I think she deserves a medal, I know I can be quite challenging."
"I'd say you're determined, you know what you want and what you don't want. I think Jane loves you very much and is willing to adapt to fulfill your needs."
"She is. There is something I feel bad about, something I haven't told her."
"Would you like to share?"
"Well it concerns you as well…I don't want to hurt your feelings, you know I love you as if you were my biological mother don't you?"
"Of course…Is it about Patrick Doyle?"
"Yes, you know that he met Jane a few weeks ago, what you don't know is that he gave me a necklace that my birth mother wanted me to wear tomorrow along with a letter. And she wrote me that she never wanted to give me up that it was for my own protection, that she wanted to meet me but that Doyle wouldn't allow her because it was to risky. At the end of the letter she said that she was hoping we could meet once he's gone and it's safe for us…"
"And you wished that your father was dead so you could meet her?" Mrs Isles continued holding her daughter's hand seeing the shame on her face.
"Yes, does that make me a bad person?"
"No it doesn't. I myself sometime wished that he was in jail or even deceased. Your father and I spent our lives trying to protect you from all this, from his, from his business what ever that is. You are nothing like him, you're the kindest, most honest person I know, actually you're too honest , you never know when to tell a good lie. Just tell Jane how you feel about him, I'm actually quite sure she feels the same way."
"How am I supposed to tell her how I feel?We're not supposed to see each other before the wedding."
"I think there are no rules forbidding you to call her, sweetheart. I'm going to leave you alone alright, if you need me I'll be in bed listening to your father rehearsing his speech for the 1200th time." Mrs Isles said cupping her daughter's face gently rubbing her cheek with her thumb.
"Thank you mother."
"You're welcome."
Maura lied there for a good thirty minutes trying to figure out if she should tell Jane about her feelings towards her father. Her mother was right she probably felt the same way, but would she still be willing to marry someone would like to see her own father dead?Jane had that ideal image of Maura in her head, and she certainly didn't want to break it. Maura felt terrible about feeling like this, maybe Jane was wrong, maybe madness was genetic.
Maura was torturing herself trying to decide if she should call Jane, when as if she read her mind Jane called her first :
"Hey baby, how are you?" Jane asked in that very sexy voice that aroused Maura every time they spoke on the phone.
"Good, and you?Is your mother letting you breath?"
"Yes, I just convinced her to let me sleep alone."
"My mother and I had a very nice conversation and now, she's sleeping in your old room."
"Ma and I talked as well. So nervous much?"
"Not at all, I can't wait for tomorrow to come and to finally be Mrs Rizzoli."
"Me neither, I miss you, I wish I could just escape and join you in bed right now, actually I could easily do that."
"Please don't, you know you're not supposed to see me 24 hours before the wedding, it's bad luck. "
"I don't believe in bad luck, it's totally irrational and I'm surprised you believe in it."
"Well I think that we create our destiny , that luck has nothing to do with it you're right, but it's tradition. In less then 12 hours we'll be married, I'm sure you can wait."
"I waited all my life to meet you, so yes I can wait, just wanted you to know that I love you and that tomorrow is going to be very special for us I promise."
"I know, I'm not worrying. We should go to sleep now , you don't want to look tired on the pictures, do you?"
"No, I don't. I will see you tomorrow morning Mrs Rizzoli."
"See you tomorrow. I love you."
"I love you too." Jane replied before hanging up the phone.
Jane quickly fell asleep, completely relaxed, knowing that tomorrow was going to the most wonderful day of her life.
Maura on the other hand couldn't sleep, she couldn't stop thinking about the way she felt . She and Jane made that deal when they started dating, that they would always talk about their feelings. good or bad, but this time Maura didn't an she felt guilty about, so guilty that he couldn't sleep.
Around 1 Am Maura sneaked out of her house without waking her parents up and drove to the morgue. Obviously , nobody was there, it was quiet . Maura always felt safe down there, well a little less since the shooting, but in general being surrounding by dead people helped her relaxed.
So she started to work on some paperwork until she fell asleep on the couch that was in her office
Around 3 Am Jane phone rang, it was Maura's personal ring tone.
"Maura?God it's 3 Am, is every thing ok?" Jane mumbled looking at her watch trying wake herself up.
"I need you now." Maura replied her voice slightly shaking.
"Where are you?" Jane immediately replied suddenly on her feet.
"I'm at the morgue."
"I will be right there, everything is going to be okay, I promise." Jane said.
"Alright I'm in my office."
"Alright I will see you in a few. I love you ." Jane said grabbing her shoes, badge and gun.
"I love you too." Maura sighed hanging up the phone.
So Jane, without even taking the time to put on some clothes, went out, in her pajamas, to meet Maura at the morgue. She drove as fast as she could wondering what was happening. Her heart was beating so fast, a million things went through her mind : Hoyt, Doyle…
When Jane finally arrived at the morgue Maura was sitting on the couch in her office.
"Oh babe, are you ok?" Jane said running towards her.
"Jane…I'm glad you're here." Maura cried out rushing in her arms.
"Of course I'm here, what happened, are you alright?" Jane asked checking her out for any visible injuries.
"Yes, I couldn't sleep because I was so nervous so I came here , you know how I like being down here."
"Yes you feel safe here, I know."
"Well I came here and I started to do some paper work, after about two hours I fell asleep on the couch and I woke up after having this terrible nightmare, oh Jane, it was terrible, there was blood everywhere." Maura explained tears streaming down her face.
"Oh baby, I'm so sorry you dreamed about the shooting, I'm ok now, see. Nothing is ever going to happen to me again I promise." Jane said hating herself for putting her through this.
"I know, I'm just nervous and as our dreams are directly linked our state of mind when we go to sleep, I guess I just dreamed about the worse thing that ever happened to me." Maura sobbed.
"I know, that's exactly why that rule is stupid, you would have never had that stupid nightmare if you had fallen asleep in my arms." Jane said brushing Maura's hair with her fingers.
"Probably not, I would have gone to bed relaxed and would have dreamed about our wedding."
"Well it's only half past tree, let's put you back to sleep." Jane said pointing out the couch.
"Would you stay with me?" Maura pouted while lying down.
"Of course, I'm not leaving you, ever ever." Jane replied crawling next to Maura on her office, large couch.
The two women settled down, Maura on her left side and Jane behind her, arms and legs wrapped around her.
As she felt Jane's breath down her neck Maura starting to immediately feel better.
That's exactly why Maura was marrying Jane : for her ability to make her feel better in seconds just by holding her. Jane's embrace was Maura's safe place, the place where she felt safe, loved , where she could forget about her fears and doubts, where she could simply be herself.
"Thank you." Maura murmured feeling her eyes closing .
"You're welcome, I'm going to leave discretely when I wake up and sneak back home so my mother doesn't suspect anything alright?"
"Alright, please don't wake me up ? I can't see you remember."
"Alright. Now sleep, I want you to look your best on our wedding pictures."
Jane lied there for a while watching Maura sleep so looking so peaceful. Watching her, she had no doubt that she wanted to spend the rest of her life with her, protecting her, taking care of her, making it up to her. Jane hoped that getting married would make Maura feel more secure, that she wouldn't have any more nightmares. Because this wasn't Maura's first nightmare, and Jane knew it. Sometimes she could hear Maura mumbling in her sleep, but she never seemed to remember any of it the next day, so Jane never mentioned it. All she could do was hold her tight and whisper in her ears to calm her down.
Around 7 am Jane woke up and quietly extracted herself from Maura's embrace.
She drove back to her parents' house and slowly started to make her way to her bedroom when :
"Where the hell where you?" Angela shouted as Jane was about to enter her bedroom.
"Nowhere, just went for a walk."
"In your pajamas?You were with Maura weren't you?" Angela asked both her hands on each side of her hips.
"In fact yes I am." Jane replied entering the kitchen.
"You too are incorrigible, you can't even respect that one tradition."
"She called me at 3 AM crying because she had a nightmare."
"It happens the night before the wedding, before I married your father I dreamed that a tornado was going to hit Boston."
"She dreamed about the shooting Ma."
"Oh, how is she?"
"She was at the morgue actually, she got nervous, went there , fall asleep and called me when she had the nightmare, I left before she woke up, I didn't want her to see me you know."
"Good, now let's get you some breakfast we don't want you to pass out during the ceremony right?"
"Right. Good Lord I'm getting married today."
"Yes in exactly 5 hours you're going to marry the love of your life, so you're going to eat your breakfast, then sleep for a couple of hours, take a shower and I will drive you there. Which should leave us 2 hours to get ready, should be fine."
"Yes, Ma'am ." Jane replied taking a sip at her coffee..
Jane followed her mother's orders and ate breakfast and then a quick nap before going to the place where her and Maure were going to get married. Strangely she wasn't nervous, she was relaxed and sure that she made the right decision, well falling in love with Maura was never her decision, it just happened and she surely didn't want to fight it.
So guys, what fo you think?I'm a bit disappointed by the lack of interest on the last chapter, lots of you wanted Jane to have a lap dance and none of you bothered to reviewed...I hope you will review this chapter though, if you want the chapters to keep coming that's the way, I wrote several of the next chapters, it's up to you to make me want to publish them!
